Hail to the Thank You card writers!

__Alex__

Sorry if this is a frivolous thread but I just thought it'd be light-hearted.

I was married last November with just eight guests in attendance. But we received over 30 wedding gifts from very generous family and friends. I'm currently writing my Thank You cards.

I'm enjoying it and it is lovely to be able to thank people for their huge generosity individually but can I say, maximum respect to anyone who writes 100 - 200 of these bad boys. It is quite a task!

How did ye tackle it? All in one go, or breaking it down over a few days? Did ye split it between the couple or go with the person with the best handwriting? For me and my husband, we went with me to write them. His handwriting is not that great, whereas I have two handwriting settings. I'm an accidental leftie (should write with my right hand, it's a long and boring story) so my hand gets tired very quickly when writing. So my every day writing is atrocious because I want to get it over and done with quickly. But when I put my back into it and take my time, my writing is quite nice. So that's what I'm doing for these cards.

So, yeah, how did ye approach the thank you card writing, people? I am genuinely interested!

Addle

Thank you for writing thank you cards!
They seem to be a rarity nowadays.
For weddings I've attended anyways.

bee06

I did all ours as I have the nicer writing. Sent about 70 or 80 and just did them over a few nights while watching TV.

Bacchus

We had about 80 of them to send. It's having to write out all the addresses too that is the real killer. It was time consuming but 30 minutes every evening for a week and then plough through the final lot over the weekend. Done and dusted

Malari

I guess we sent about 30 or so a month after the wedding. I did them - didn't really bother me and would have been a HUGE chore for my fresh husband I think I had them all done within an hour or so, so no hassle at all. We really wanted people to know how much we appreciated their generosity.

Toots

I think I sent about 70/80. I did them all because I've got nice writing and my husband's is awful :pac: I think I did them in 3 lots, but at the time I was recovering from tearing my ACL (big freeze of winter 2010) so it wasn't really that much of a chore because I was stuck on the couch anyway.

Faith

I think I did the majority, and my hasband just did the guests who were people I'd never met before or didn't know well. Spent a few days working on them (and possibly did some during downtime at work )

Loveinapril

I did most of them but assigned a few to him as I thought it was only polite that he send the ones to some of his friends or his family I wouldn't know that well. It was a damn chore though! I tried to do them at the same time but it took a few weeks. Then I found out months later that he never did his! I wanted everyone to get theirs together. We were at a wedding four months after ours and a friend thanked us for the card in front of another friend (his friends) and I could tell by their face they never got a card. I was so embarrassed!

__Alex__

Addle wrote: »

Thank you for writing thank you cards!
They seem to be a rarity nowadays.
For weddings I've attended anyways.

God, that's awful. Bar one wedding, I've received thank you cards from all the weddings I've attended. It was such poor form though, the one I didn't get a thank you for. The bride was from Galway, the groom from Kerry, but they had their wedding in Sligo so absolutely everyone had to travel for it. It was held five days before Christmas and on the day, there was a very bad storm. So bad that they couldn't do the receiving line at the end of the church. There were treacherous driving conditions that day and the night before, as in, trees getting knocked down kind of weather. Now I know the weather wasn't their fault but an acknowledgement of the dangerous conditions people had to drive in to get there would have been nice.

In addition, the bride is my mother-in-law's goddaughter. My in-laws were going through some financial difficulties at the time but they stretched to giving her €400. She lost their cheque and got her mother to ask them to write her a new one. No thank you card. I just can't get over that! She is a very self-absorbed person though so it wasn't hugely surprising. Her mother was absolutely mortified at them not sending out thank yous but when she broached it with the bride, she got snapped at. And the groom has quite snooty, la-di-da kind of parents. I thought "for all their looking down their noses at people, they don't appear to have taught their children manners!".

missmatty

God that's awful carryon Alex, they sound so ungrateful!

I was at five weddings last year, two of them over the one bank holiday weekend, and I've yet to receive ONE thank you card. It's a bit sickening to be honest.

__Alex__

missmatty wrote: »

God that's awful carryon Alex, they sound so ungrateful!

I was at five weddings last year, two of them over the one bank holiday weekend, and I've yet to receive ONE thank you card. It's a bit sickening to be honest.

Are thank you cards going out of fashion? Yours and Addle's posts have me worried.

It was especially important for us to write cards as we didn't see all the gift-givers on the day.

Addle

__Alex__ wrote: »

Are thank you cards going out of fashion?

If they are, they shouldn't be.

Toots

Loveinapril wrote: »

I did most of them but assigned a few to him as I thought it was only polite that he send the ones to some of his friends or his family I wouldn't know that well. It was a damn chore though! I tried to do them at the same time but it took a few weeks. Then I found out months later that he never did his! I wanted everyone to get theirs together. We were at a wedding four months after ours and a friend thanked us for the card in front of another friend (his friends) and I could tell by their face they never got a card. I was so embarrassed!

Oh my god, the fecker!! I'd have killed him :pac:

__Alex__ wrote: »

Are thank you cards going out of fashion? Yours and Addle's posts have me worried.

It was especially important for us to write cards as we didn't see all the gift-givers on the day.

A relative of mine got married abroad, and we went over for it, along with my parents and siblings. It wasn't the easiest location to get to, so we had to hire a mini-bus to get there (it was actually cheaper to do that and have me drive it than hire 3 cars to fit all of us) Between flights, accommodation and other expenses, it cost an absolute fortune. Like well into the thousands. That was before gifts. Two years later a thank you card came. I think that it was only sent out because the groom's mother was absolutely mortified that they hadn't sent them and had given out to them about it. I know etiquette technically says you've got a year or some rubbish like that, but come on. 2 years??

I've been to several others that there's been no cards/emails sent afterwards either. (Hilariously enough, they've all been on my hubby's side)

sweetie

I got the butler to do ours (pre 2009)

__Alex__

Toots wrote: »

Oh my god, the fecker!! I'd have killed him :pac:



A relative of mine got married abroad, and we went over for it, along with my parents and siblings. It wasn't the easiest location to get to, so we had to hire a mini-bus to get there (it was actually cheaper to do that and have me drive it than hire 3 cars to fit all of us) Between flights, accommodation and other expenses, it cost an absolute fortune. Like well into the thousands. That was before gifts. Two years later a thank you card came. I think that it was only sent out because the groom's mother was absolutely mortified that they hadn't sent them and had given out to them about it. I know etiquette technically says you've got a year or some rubbish like that, but come on. 2 years??

I've been to several others that there's been no cards/emails sent afterwards either. (Hilariously enough, they've all been on my hubby's side)

Better late than never... I guess. Nah, that's really bad.

On another note, I know you probably just drove the minibus to your accommodation, but I have an image of you driving a minibus to the actual wedding in all your finery!

mcgiggles

We've been at about 10 weddings in the last few years and I think we only received 2 or 3 thank you cards :-/ all close family + friends!

lazygal

We have received thank yous from most weddings. I am always a bit worried that maybe the gift went astray when we don't get one! There is one I am miffed a bit about because the bride would be quite fussy about wedding traditions and what you 'have' to do and ticked all the boxes on the day, it was the most conveyor belt wedding I've ever been to but then I guess she and her husband thought they didn't have to follow through the thank you card stage.

What is annoying is the number of people who had a gift they 'must drop down to you guys' after our wedding, some of them were still bringing it up a couple of years after the wedding. Who are they trying to kid, we know you're not going to give us anything so drop it.

Toots

__Alex__ wrote: »

Better late than never... I guess. Nah, that's really bad.

On another note, I know you probably just drove the minibus to your accommodation, but I have an image of you driving a minibus to the actual wedding in all your finery!

I did!! The wedding was at a church in a nearby town and then the reception was in this random little village miles away! I don't drink very often so I'm always the designated driver.

SarahMollie

We went to 5 weddings last year and didnt get one thank you card - now we gave cash on all occasions so I suppose its not like the gifts were overly personal, but still it would have been nice! I guess none of them are a full year ago yet so maybe they'll start flooding in any day now :rolleyes:

I'll definitely do them after our wedding. Firstly I love stationary, and secondly out numbers are not outrageous (and most gifts will be from couples) so it shouldn't be anything too crazy.

tickingclock

I'm married a few years and we did them. I don't care if it's old fashioned it's being mannerly and polite. I've been counting all the weddings I've attended as I was reading this thread. In five years I've been at twenty one weddings and only got five thank you cards. The same couples who thanked us also thanked us for new home or baby gifts and the couples who didn't thank us for wedding gifts also haven't thanked us for any other gifts.

nazzy

Well we are in the middle of writing ours now. And we're mortified because our wedding was January 2016. We'll finish them this weekend - over 200 to write. We couldn't get over the generosity of people and were totally humbled by it all. But we're just useless and having so many to write made it off putting to get into.

We opted to not have any wee pre typed message in them. So we're personalising all of them which is time consuming. But I think it's so important to thank and acknowledge how many people went out of their way to help, to attend, and to give us their love and support.

We put a lot of work into designing them ourselves so that did slow us down. (but also because we're useless!!) we started them in August, fecked off for holidays in September so didnt finalise them until November. But then didn't print them until February.

But we're really enjoying it now that we're in the middle of it again. It's lovely reminiscing.

We had been to over 40 weddings together in eight years and we got thank you cards for most. I wouldn't remember who didn't send one specifically actually... So I am hoping ours comes as a pleasant surprise to folks! 😂

theteal

We didn't send cards. It was a reasonably small wedding and we thanked everybody multiple times in person on the day and the day after. It's a waste of paper.

Addle

theteal wrote: »

It's a waste of paper.

Did you sent out e-invites/texts?
It's all relative and different people consider different things wasterful.
Your guests may not consider them wasteful!

theteal

Addle wrote: »

Did you sent out e-invites/texts?
It's all relative and different people consider different things wasterful.
Your guests may not consider them wasteful!

Paper invites with a URL to our site where rsvp could be done. This was used to gather email addresses. Everything else was done via email and site updates.

I know some people really appreciate cards (mrsTeal being a prime example) but I just don't do cards in general

pwurple

So much not a waste of paper, it's hardly junk mail. What letter matters more than showing gratitude and love to your friends and family? Even if you didn't send a paper one, did you email them an electronic equivalent?


It's absolute the height of cheek not sending them in my opinion. I know situations come up where they get dropped in the malstrom of life... people getting sick, or bereavement or suddenly twins etc, but where that isn't happening, it's just plain lazy.


We put a good bit of effort into ours, more than into invites (which was a simple one-sided card). Our thank you notes were handwritten, noted gift, and had a couple of photos from the day enclosed. One of the photos included us with the guest, if we could find one. We had asked our photographer in advance to get as many like that as we could, and if someone was missing, I asked family for their photos until we found one.

__Alex__

Toots wrote: »

I did!! The wedding was at a church in a nearby town and then the reception was in this random little village miles away! I don't drink very often so I'm always the designated driver.

OMG, seriously? That sounds a bit stressful!

theteal wrote: »

I know some people really appreciate cards (mrsTeal being a prime example) but I just don't do cards in general

Aren't you weren't that some will consider you ungrateful if you don't send them? If the card is recycled it's not a waste. And the cost is so low. For 40 cards and envelopes and the attendant stamps, it cost us €43 total. Good ol' M&S and their lovely and affordable cards. I totally understand people not being into cards themselves but your guests might not feel the same.

miezekatze

Most of the thank you cards I've received where ones that the couple created online with a standard message and some wedding photos on it. So the only thing that was handwritten was the address on the envelope. I actually prefer those ones and keep them, I wouldn't really bother keeping regular thank you cards.

theteal

__Alex__ wrote: »

Aren't you weren't that some will consider you ungrateful if you don't send them? If the card is recycled it's not a waste. And the cost is so low. For 40 cards and envelopes and the attendant stamps, it cost us €43 total. Good ol' M&S and their lovely and affordable cards. I totally understand people not being into cards themselves but your guests might not feel the same.

I don't really care what other people think tbh, you can only thank people so much - I meant it the 20 odd times I said it at the wedding and the following days/weeks when bumping into people. I stated on the web site that the site itself was an effort to cut back on paper usage so the omission of additional cards is a natural extension of that. It was nothing to do with the cost, if cost was a factor I wouldn't have paid for every ones accommodation on the night.

Being honest I'm just not a fan of the whole manufactured wedding industry as a whole (I could have lived without doing it completely, mrsTeal on the other hand. . .) and it was the final straw that I wasn't willing to concede.

MissShihTzu

We sent Thank You cards. It's the height of bad manners not to send them after people have taken time out from their lives to spend time with you on your special day. Split them between my husband and I. He did 'his' side and I wrote them for 'mine'. Quite a few guests came from overseas, so I made sure to write them out first and sent them within a month of the wedding. The remainder, I think I posted within six weeks.

I got a lovely 'Thank You' card from one of of my guests who was a neighbour of my in-laws, thanking us for a lovely day and saying how much he enjoyed it. It was such a nice thing to do. I still have that card...

But it seems to be a creeping trend not to say 'Thank You' for ANYTHING! We've gone to weddings in the past couple of years. Only once have we received a card, and that was from close friends of ours who got married.

__Alex__

theteal wrote: »

I don't really care what other people think tbh, you can only thank people so much - I meant it the 20 odd times I said it at the wedding and the following days/weeks when bumping into people. I stated on the web site that the site itself was an effort to cut back on paper usage so the omission of additional cards is a natural extension of that. It was nothing to do with the cost, if cost was a factor I wouldn't have paid for every ones accommodation on the night.

Being honest I'm just not a fan of the whole manufactured wedding industry as a whole (I could have lived without doing it completely, mrsTeal on the other hand. . .) and it was the final straw that I wasn't willing to concede.

I guess... and I understand the dislike of the wedding carousel. I had a tiny wedding myself (ten people) to avoid this. I still think I'd send out official Thank Yous in some form, such as an email. Thank You cards aren't really specific to weddings after all. For any event I received a lot of gifts for, I'd be sending out Thank Yous. And on the wedding day, you wouldn't be thanking someone for the specific present they gave as you wouldn't know what they gave you yet unless you received their gift before the wedding day. It was different for me though as people who weren't invited to our wedding sent us gifts and it was very important for us that they know how appreciated their gift was and many of them we haven't yet seen since the wedding day.

bee06

Went to 5 weddings last year and gave gifts for 2 others we couldn't go to and got one thank you card. It does seem to be a tradition that's dying out which is quite disappointing. People make a big effort to attend a wedding and go to a lot of expense so the least the bride and groom can do is send a thank you card.

cactusgal

bee06 wrote: »

Went to 5 weddings last year and gave gifts for 2 others we couldn't go to and got one thank you card. It does seem to be a tradition that's dying out which is quite disappointing. People make a big effort to attend a wedding and go to a lot of expense so the least the bride and groom can do is send a thank you card.

It really is a shame. Weddings are getting more and more elaborate and expensive to attend, and you're supposed to give a generous gift ... And then people don't even bother saying thanks. Like you, I went to four weddings last year and only got one thank you card.

__Alex__

bee06 wrote: »

Went to 5 weddings last year and gave gifts for 2 others we couldn't go to and got one thank you card. It does seem to be a tradition that's dying out which is quite disappointing. People make a big effort to attend a wedding and go to a lot of expense so the least the bride and groom can do is send a thank you card.

cactusgal wrote: »

It really is a shame. Weddings are getting more and more elaborate and expensive to attend, and you're supposed to give a generous gift ... And then people don't even bother saying thanks. Like you, I went to four weddings last year and only got one thank you card.

I'm thinking it's becoming the norm based on this thread. I still thought more people would have sent them than not but I'm not sure now. I wanted to send them but even if I hadn't, both mother and MIL would have nudged me to!

As a guest I gave a relative a voucher for a department store for £300 a few weeks before the day so she could use it to get any things she still hadn't. I handed it to her, she looked at it and put it on the mantlepiece, not even thank you. I didn't get any thank you card. I was pretty upset about it because that was a lot of money for me at the time and it was just so rude not to even acknowledge someone handing you something. I even wondered if she thought I was passing on a gift from someone else and hadn't given her anything.

I think thank you cards are lovely. I'm not usually into cards for birthdays or whatever, but a thank you is always appreciated.

Gatica

We each wrote cards to our own families and spilt the ones for friends. I've awful handwriting but couldn't make him write them all...
Personally don't like the tradition of all sorts of cards for everything, terrible waste of paper. But has to be done so people don't think you're ungrateful or don't think of them at birthdays, Xmas, etc...

Mollyb60

Bacchus wrote: »

We had about 80 of them to send. It's having to write out all the addresses too that is the real killer. It was time consuming but 30 minutes every evening for a week and then plough through the final lot over the weekend. Done and dusted

We only had about 50 cards to write but I took the easy way out and printed out the addresses on labels in work to save my hands! Anything to help! We got our cards from an online printers so we had a group photo of everyone at the wedding on the back of the card.

My husband has terrible writing so I wrote out all the cards but got his input from people from his side about what to write (a few were totally in Irish due to his being a gaelgoir).

It was never an option not to send thank you cards to people. It's a basic courtesy as far as I'm concerned. Just thinking though, I think I've only ever once got a thank you card from a wedding I've been at. That's disappointing. :rolleyes:

__Alex__

Mollyb60 wrote: »

We only had about 50 cards to write but I took the easy way out and printed out the addresses on labels in work to save my hands! Anything to help!

Good idea!

As said above, I'm a leftie and that rules out a lot of fancy pens as there be smudging! I think any lefties here can empathise. However I did manage to find two nice pens in subtly glittery purple and dark pink with quick-drying ink that I was able to use. I had to pause a few times writing each card to let the ink dry but it didn't take as long to dry as, say, a fountain pen or more liquidy ink. I really, really didn't want to have to use a boring old black BIC biro or something!

pwurple

theteal wrote: »

I don't really care what other people think tbh, you can only thank people so much - I meant it the 20 odd times I said it at the wedding and the following days/weeks when bumping into people. I stated on the web site that the site itself was an effort to cut back on paper usage so the omission of additional cards is a natural extension of that. It was nothing to do with the cost, if cost was a factor I wouldn't have paid for every ones accommodation on the night. Being honest I'm just not a fan of the whole manufactured wedding industry as a whole (I could have lived without doing it completely, mrsTeal on the other hand. . .) and it was the final straw that I wasn't willing to concede.

And here we have the prime example of the person who doesn't do thank you notes. The stereotype... Doesn't care about other people who are hurt / annoyed. Didn't even want to get married in the first place and tells randomers this unprompted. Would probably just prefer to be left alone in a room to play their xbox. 
Don't be this guy!

lazygal

He doesn't sound like he didn't want to get married, he sounds like he didn't want a wedding. I can understand that.

__Alex__

pwurple wrote: »

And here we have the prime example of the person who doesn't do thank you notes. The stereotype... Doesn't care about other people who are hurt / annoyed. Didn't even want to get married in the first place and tells randomers this unprompted. Would probably just prefer to be left alone in a room to play their xbox.
Don't be this guy!

A bit harsh!

westernlass

Ours went out but a bit like our wedding it wasn't easy.  Our wedding was a bit stressful as the venue had to be changed six days before hand when the venue got shut down.  All the help we received and support, thank you cards were hugely important to me.  I actually sent texts to everyone in the days after the wedding and used the left over flowers to thank some people and then gave the leftover wine and prosecco to others that we didn't drink ourselves.
We moved away a couple of months after our wedding as planned and we wrote as many as we could the night before we left for our honeymoon.  Thankfully my amazing mother in law supported us and wrote the rest for us.  While it's not that personal I know we put the message in and with being away it was the better option.  She also has lovely hand writing.  So our thank you cards went out in batches with all different types of writing as three people wrote them.
But a week before our anniversary they all went out and that was a huge weight off my mind.  We used etsy and got a template to add photos and then I linked to our online wedding photos in case anyone wanted to see some more.  I thought particularly for older relations who don't use social media this was important.  We forgot that it's nice to see them when we have attended a wedding and fb etc doesn't reach that many.

westernlass

Double post

theteal

pwurple wrote: »

And here we have the prime example of the person who doesn't do thank you notes. The stereotype... Doesn't care about other people who are hurt / annoyed. Didn't even want to get married in the first place and tells randomers this unprompted. Would probably just prefer to be left alone in a room to play their xbox. 
Don't be this guy!

:pac::pac: Spot on, apologies for the late response, my fat ass fell out of my gaming chair from laughing so hard. . .I found a monster munch down there too. . . result :rolleyes:

People get hurt/annoyed about not receiving a piece of paper? A piece of paper. And you think I have the issue????

__Alex__

theteal wrote: »

:pac::pac: Spot on, apologies for the late response, my fat ass fell out of my gaming chair from laughing so hard. . .I found a monster munch down there too. . . result :rolleyes:

People get hurt/annoyed about not receiving a piece of paper? A piece of paper. And you think I have the issue????

Possibly, yes! A lot of people consider it ill-mannered not to send them and it's what's written on that piece of paper that's important.

c6ysaphjvqw41k

This post has been deleted.

Can't say for sure but almost certain I've got thank you cards from all the weddings I've attended (as a full day guest). That's probably 15 weddingss or so over the last 2 or 3 years. Fairly sure a lot had the text printed with the message so just needed names and signed or maybe an extra few words but these would be close friends. I'd imagine when they sent them to people they don't know as well it's just names and signed with no extra messages.

I would say to those who haven't got one they may come yet, I've got thank you cards well over a year after the wedding.

__Alex__

Quinton Sharp Oboe wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

No sweat, people have different ideas about the deadline for sending them. For some, it's a year.

westernlass

Traditionally it is a year

nazzy

To be honest, I don't think Thank You cards enter someone's head until they receive one and then it's a nice surprise. I know every time I get one, I initially expect it is another invitation and I'm nice and surprised when it is a thank you!

I think people that are engaged or recently married are more in tune because they relate to it.

I only heard a few weeks ago my own brother didn't send them after his and I had never noticed. Now we're utterly useless and have taken over the year to send ours and i feel a bit bad about it but can't say i am embarrassed about it. Ours are all hand written and very personal so I think that's more important to us than the timing.

The person above worrying if her guests are offended after 4 weeks should really have more faith in her guests - I really don't think anyone would be judging on that. Very few leave a wedding thinking the bride and groom are ungrateful. Then again, already judging the couple who got married in July and the 'embarrassment' shows maybe the cards mean a lot more to some people than others! I suspect it's the minority mind you. It's no big deal and I personally think it's important to send them, but I wouldn't judge a couple that don't bother with it.

westernlass

We are still very annoyed by some close friends who didn't bother sending thank you cards. We were not made feel welcome at the wedding and felt we were there for the cash gifts. So yes a thank you card would have gone a long way.

cactusgal

I just always think that my gift or cash gift has gone missing - if I didn't get thanked, maybe it's because they never actually got the gift? It's good manners to acknowledge receipt of something.

Also, one of my parents is bed bound so can't attend any weddings. They will get a customary invite to family weddings, and always send a cash gift. Think they've gotten one thank you card in the last 6 years. That's just rude, selfish, and self-centred in my opinion.