"Why I did not report my rapist"

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

I hope she's investigated by the Gardai for false rape allegations.

Badly Drunk Boy

buried wrote: »

What's the point reporting it on a blog? What do you expect the internet to do about it- Have a huge $hitstorm row about the story, as per usual?

I'm sure that's exactly what she expects.

Neyite

Deleted User wrote: »

You brought your son into this conversation.

No I brought teaching consent into the conversation.

meeeeh

Calhoun wrote: »

It's very easy to pontificate but it's also very easy to sit and through around allegations that Ireland has a rape culture.

If we aren't going to follow the societal rules of law and order what do we want instead ?

Where did I mention rape culture?

Rightwing

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

Wow, I didn't realise there was a set of instructions I was to follow when I was raped.

I was 17, about to turn 18, and was at a house party. I'd had a few drinks but was not very drunk. My sister who had come to the party with me had fecked off with a fella, and with the only house key. (She was in college, I was due to start a few weeks later, was visiting her for a few days) I had no key to her place and no way of contacting her (this was well before mobile phones) so I stayed at the party house. Went upstairs to bed on my own. About an hour or two later I was woken by a guy beside me in the bed, someone I'd chatted to earlier in the night. I had not flirted with him, kissed him or done or said anything which may have led him to believe I was interested in him.when I was woken by him I asked him wtf he was doing, he responded by mauling my breasts. He tried to pull my top up. I told him not to. I told him to stop, said no, said I didn't want to, repeatedly. He didn't stop. He kept at me. I kept saying no, he kept saying that he knew I really wanted it, that I wasn't as innocent as I looked. I kept asking him to stop, telling him he was hurting me, telling him I didn't want it, I told him I was a virgin (which was true) and that I did not want to have sex with him. That didn't stop him. I tried to push him off, I couldn't. He was bigger and stronger than me. When he told me to "shut the fcuk up", I did exactly that as I figured he might hit me/beat me up/strangle me otherwise. Better to 'just' be raped than to be raped and murdered, eh? So I lay there while he raped me, crying, torn and bleeding. I actually lay beside him for a few hours afterwards, as he snored, I was upset, traumatised and frozen. When he woke he actually kissed me and thanked me before he left.

I didn't tell anyone immediately afterwards. I was traumatised, scared, embarrassed and humiliated. I wanted to forget it. I didn't want my parents to find out, it would have destroyed them. I didn't want my sister to feel guilty for leaving me in the house. So focussed was I on keeping it quiet that I gathered the blood-stained bed sheets and took them home with me to wash, telling the
host and my sister that I had puked and it was only fair I do the laundry. I never reported it cos I didn't want the stress, the degradation, the humiliation on top of what I'd already had. I didn't want to have to discuss it with guards. I didn't want my parents to ever find out. I didn't want to go through a trial with a barrister asking me awful questions. And I felt that somehow I was partly responsible as I put myself in a situation where I was in a bedroom of a house where there were strangers.

But yeah, maybe it would have been better if I'd read the manual on what to do while you're being raped and afterwards, and behaved exactly as people (who have never been raped, as if they had they would not come out with such idiotic definitive statements) think I should have.

You were unlucky, clearly exploited. Caught in a very vulnerable situation. What a scumbag. 2 very different situations. 2 very different eras.

Ken.

Mod-Hunky Monster do not post in this thread again. Thank you

One eyed Jack

professore wrote: »

Why didn't she tell him no and get up and walk out of the room?

Don't know what it's like now but if you asked a girl out in my day and she said no, or went in for a kiss and she said no, or any sexual activity whatsoever, and you took the first no as an actual no, you would never get anywhere. It was part of the game.

What game? Why is "the first no" not an "actual no" that would make you say "ok fair enough", and walk away, to find someone whom you didn't feel was "playing games" and actually made it clear that they wanted to have sex with you? You're personally responsible for your own actions in that situation too.

Going up to a girl, saying "Do you want to have sex?" she says yes and then you do it, continually saying "Are you sure?" where is the fun in that? That's awful.

Where's the fun in leaving yourself wide open to being accused of rape?

In my experience, there was a lot of difference between no with words and no with your body. If she's saying no and moaning and putting her hand down your pants at the same time, then is that consent or not?

On the other hand, a girl could say yes out of fear, or peer pressure, or a host of other things, but actually wouldn't want sex, is that then OK?

If a girl wanted to say no, she was generally very obvious about it. Then again there was far less of a hookup culture than there seems to be now - generally speaking people didn't just meet and have sex.

Yes they did, generally with people who they knew wanted to have sex with them, and generally people avoided those who they knew didn't want to have sex with them. The incident in the blog happened nearly 10 years ago, but I can remember there was plenty of hookup sex even 20 years ago. Not once did I ever think there was any "game" going on, not even in my teens.

To use the car dealer analogy, if you are telling the salesman no, but still looking longingly at the car, should he just walk away?

He's a fcuking car salesman, he wants to sell you something, not jab his penis in your ass (although I'm sure you'd expect at least a reach around as a courtesy, part of "the game", right?).

Human sexual relationships are not clear cut, despite what modern society wants us to believe. No wonder the Japanese herbivore men and MGTOW is becoming so huge.

You're as much a part of that modern society as anyone else is, so you're not telling anyone anything they didn't know already, but your attempted justicfication of determining consent as some sort of a "game" doesn't make me feel in any way sympathetic for a minority of men who are so socially clueless that they decide they want no part of modern society. That's no bad thing IMO if it means the rest of modern society doesn't have to deal with idiots who think sex is just "a game".

RobertKK

She said no, that should have been enough.
She said no multiple times, shows the man didn't care about her or what she had to say.

hearmehearye

God I've been reading this thread pretty closely and some of the comments are really uncalled for.

I'll preface this by saying I like Rosemary. I'm not a feminist and a lot of her rants about being sexually assaulted, or being called "girl" or "love" just completely go over my head because really, I don't give a toss. I'm a strong woman, if someone crosses a line with me, they'll know about it. I won't revert to the internet to give out about misogyny or sexism or the blah blah blah-ism du jour.

Having a thread that's basically titled "Was Rosemary Really Raped?" is a bit ****. I personally don't agree with the circumstances she's written (since when is it easier to have sex with someone than go out to the loo, have a think and come back to tell them to fukc off?), and there's a real lack of reluctance from her. I've said no to sex countless times but I've almost always ended up thoroughly satisfied. But any discussion would just be labelled as "victim blaming".


Again on the other hand, it's not fair to say "if she says it was rape, it was". Men aren't mind readers, especially when they're only thinking with their second head.

Being "forced" to have sex out of politeness is wrong. It indicates there's a problem somewhere along the line with self confidence. I know, I've been there.

So Rosemary, if you're reading this. You got a reaction, you got a discussion going. Like every other topic in the world, there'll be people with varying opinions, we don't have to agree with them.

mzungu

seamus wrote: »

One of the things taught in consent classes is that five "yes"es followed by a "no", means "No". Rightly so.

However, five "no"s followed by a "yes" actually means "Yes".*

In her own words, she was not being physically restrained. She was not afraid of this man. He was pushy, but she did not feel in any way coerced into letting him have sex with her except that "I was too ashamed – of my own meanness to say no".

So it comes down to whether or not - at the time of having sex - she had consented. By her own account, she allowed it to happen. She freely consented. And by "freely" I mean that she was in no way forced or coerced to provide consent.

Therefore rape did not occur.

Sexual assault, perhaps. But that's a whole other kettle of fish.

You can realise you were raped, you cannot decide it. The difference is subtle but important.

Deciding you were raped means you are withdrawing your consent after the fact, that even though you did consent, you didn't want to consent.

Realising it means coming to the understanding that you didn't actually consent to it.

Rape is a fact - you cannot decide that it happened. It either did or did not occur.

* I would like to note for the record that if someone was being taught this, I would encourage them to err on the side of caution and wait for more "yes"es before proceeding. But from a factual point of view, "yes means yes" regardless of how many "no"s came first.

In this case it was all "no's". So, surely that would come under the banner of not consenting?

Calhoun

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

Wow, I didn't realise there was a set of instructions I was to follow when I was raped.

I was 17, about to turn 18, and was at a house party. I'd had a few drinks but was not very drunk. My sister who had come to the party with me had fecked off with a fella, and with the only house key. (She was in college, I was due to start a few weeks later, was visiting her for a few days) I had no key to her place and no way of contacting her (this was well before mobile phones) so I stayed at the party house. Went upstairs to bed on my own. About an hour or two later I was woken by a guy beside me in the bed, someone I'd chatted to earlier in the night. I had not flirted with him, kissed him or done or said anything which may have led him to believe I was interested in him.when I was woken by him I asked him wtf he was doing, he responded by mauling my breasts. He tried to pull my top up. I told him not to. I told him to stop, said no, said I didn't want to, repeatedly. He didn't stop. He kept at me. I kept saying no, he kept saying that he knew I really wanted it, that I wasn't as innocent as I looked. I kept asking him to stop, telling him he was hurting me, telling him I didn't want it, I told him I was a virgin (which was true) and that I did not want to have sex with him. That didn't stop him. I tried to push him off, I couldn't. He was bigger and stronger than me. When he told me to "shut the fcuk up", I did exactly that as I figured he might hit me/beat me up/strangle me otherwise. Better to 'just' be raped than to be raped and murdered, eh? So I lay there while he raped me, crying, torn and bleeding. I actually lay beside him for a few hours afterwards, as he snored, I was upset, traumatised and frozen. When he woke he actually kissed me and thanked me before he left.

I didn't tell anyone immediately afterwards. I was traumatised, scared, embarrassed and humiliated. I wanted to forget it. I didn't want my parents to find out, it would have destroyed them. I didn't want my sister to feel guilty for leaving me in the house. So focussed was I on keeping it quiet that I gathered the blood-stained bed sheets and took them home with me to wash, telling the
host and my sister that I had puked and it was only fair I do the laundry. I never reported it cos I didn't want the stress, the degradation, the humiliation on top of what I'd already had. I didn't want to have to discuss it with guards. I didn't want my parents to ever find out. I didn't want to go through a trial with a barrister asking me awful questions. And I felt that somehow I was partly responsible as I put myself in a situation where I was in a bedroom of a house where there were strangers.

But yeah, maybe it would have been better if I'd read the manual on what to do while you're being raped and afterwards, and behaved exactly as people (who have never been raped, as if they had they would not come out with such idiotic definitive statements) think I should have.

What happened to you is horrible for sure and I don't condone it at all but if you want society to take rape seriously which it should as I have already stated we have to tackle the perpetrators head on.

It's easy talking with hindsight for me to say this but what else do you want?

So you want me to not take it seriously and ignore you ?

Mountainsandh

Neyite wrote: »

The young man in this situation continued past the point where the blogger said "no". How can that be verbally misinterpreted? She wanted to continue to kiss and only kiss. He wanted to and did go further than the blogger wanted him to. It's not up to me to decide whether or not she was raped-I'll leave that to the professionals such as Rape Crisis Centre and the Gardai /Courts.

I'm not even going to get into a hypothetical discussion about my child where you are casting him as a rapist. That's pretty disgusting. He is four FFS.

Of course "no" can be verbally misinterpreted. That's the whole issue here imo, that is a communication issue.

You can tell what she wanted because she explains in the post. She did not make it clear on the night.

Sorry if this sounds bad because your child is still small, which I have no way to infer from your post by the way.

Regardless of age, and I have a young son too, the hypothetical question still stands. If our sons got it wrong on the night in question, would they be considered rapists ? My son for example, is currently being assessed for ASD. Sometimes, communication is not his forte (he doesn't quite get "abstract" speak for example).
What if he found himself in such a situation ? I know my son, he's a good little guy. I'm teaching him to be attentive, respectful, sensitive and perceptive. I hope he'd get the message in such a situation, but maybe he wouldn't, because young people simply sometimes just don't get it, they make mistakes, they get it wrong.

Communication sometimes breaks down.
Forget about my child above, it can break down for a number of reasons.
Someone just doesn't get the message.

If you feel you are in a situation of danger, your message needs to be very clear, and my opinion is that "no" is not always that clear.

Little CuChulainn

The idea that a person isn't a victim because they don't report something is idiotic. There are plenty of reasons for not reporting something, especially sex crimes. Aside from the whole invasive forensic process and the ordeal of giving a statement, some people just want to put the whole thing behind them and do not want to engage in the spectacle of the justice system.

Another thing, just because what happens to you doesn't fall under the legal definition of a crime or doesn't result in a successful prosecution does not mean you do not have the right to feel violated or victimised. There's plenty of bad things being done to people that are not specifically illegal.

I'm not generally a proponent of the affirmative consent thing. But in a case where somebody has repeatedly told you no I think it is very much on you to make sure they are consenting when they eventually stop saying no. There's a reason the law does not require victims to put up a fight in order for a crime to be committed. They aren't expected to leave their rooms to convey a lack of consent either.

J Mysterio

AoifeCon1996 wrote: »

Where the hell are the moderators on this thread??? If a thread about bloggers goes up and someone even dares to name them, they are there in a flash handing out bans left right and centre. Yet here we have multiple people publicly naming this woman, demeaning everything she has said and making fun of rape yet they are nowhere to be seen??

This thread is literally ripping this woman apart and proving that rape culture is still very much a thing and how ****ing uneducated people are in this country, still. I had to stop reading because it was actually painful to see people make fun of someone who had opened up about their experience of rape. Then they wonder why people don't report it or ever tell people about it? "its not rape if you didnt report it" eh NO, they dont report it because of people like YOU who will come and make fun of what they're saying and call them attention seeking and every name under the sun. They dont report it because you take it upon yourself to say that they are wrong when you've absolutely NO RIGHT to. Discusting.

As far as I can see there has been legitimate debate here as to the merits of this womans case (there don't appear to be many). She, a self proclaimed 'social influencer' (*shudder*) has brought this story into the public realm in what appears to be some sort of political or strategic move and it's only right that we then discuss it. RM's story - her uncorrabarated account - doesn't sound like rape to me.

People seem to be increasingly talking about 'rape culture', something i'm totally unfamiliar with and mystified by. I think this talk of 'rape culture' may actually just be a tool for unhinged militant feminists (male and female) to attack men and frame the discussion. I see no substantive evidence of any such culture.

Your hysterical post is exactly why we need to discuss this. We need a better definition of rape, because at the moment its not well defined, and that is causing real problems for all concerned.

When a real case of rape occurs, it should definitely be reported but both parties need to be protected equally under the law untill such a time as the facts can be established. Rape is a very serious accusation to level at someone.

Rightwing

mzungu wrote: »

In this case it was all "no's". So, surely that would come under the banner of not consenting?

Was 'no' a giggle no?
Was 'no' a scream that others in the house would hear?
Was 'no' followed by some kissing and fondling?

The facts are we don't know. And I would say the author probably doesn't know either.

Case closed Rosemary

r93kaey5p2izun

I find this whole area very complex and quite troubling to think about tbh. I can agree with so many posts here on both sides of the debate. I think no means no but at the same time I agree that grey areas exist where people say no and don't mean it, and people say no and then change their mind and consent but never verbalise it.

This particular story is a difficult one to examine because of how this particular blogger has chosen to talk about it - in an attention seeking way on an attention seeking blog - and that will annoy many people even if the subject was less controversial. She's already disliked by many (myself included) so that colours things too. It shouldn't affect the facts of what happened but it affects whether people believe her or not - and that's an issue in and of itself.

I think all her nos are relevant. Lots of people will want to kiss but not have sex. Kissing should not be interpreted as consent, especially if they explicitly said "I don't want to have sex". So that would seem clear that there was no consent to sex here.

At the same time I agree with those talking about situations where no is explicitly stated but then the person willingly consents to sex non-verbally and how removing that option from sexual interactions seems an unappealing proposal too.

People are also saying she made a decision to have sex with him as she felt it was easier than having an awkward conversation with him. If that's the case, that she made a concious decision to willingly have sex even though she wasn't feeling it, then to me that's not rape. But did she make a decision to have sex or just a decision to stop saying no, a decision not to physically resist? That's not the same thing.

After several “no”s, I remember thinking, ‘it would just be easier to let him do it.’ So I stopped saying no, and I lay there, and he had sex with me.

I agree that it would be better not to continue kissing when it is apparent your partner doesn't respect your decision to kiss but not have sex. I agree it would be better to become more forceful in your nos (if not in fear) than stopping saying no. I agree that it would be better to physically resist penetration (if capable) rather than lying there. But these things being better don't mean not doing them equals consent - especially if "no" and "I don't want to have sex" have been said explicitly.

I think the conversation around why someone would continue sexual relations with someone who is uninterested, as in lying there not enjoying it but allowing it to happen with full consent, is also an important and interesting discussion. It is very widespread from what I have experienced and heard. I understand giving consent when you don't want to do it (I have been that person) but others find this hard to understand. I don't understand having sex with someone who has consented but is obviously uninterested or not enjoying it, but others do understand this so there are two very different sides to it clearly. This is not rape but I think understanding more about this type of scenario could help improve understanding around certain rape cases.

One eyed Jack

hearmehearye wrote: »

I've said no to sex countless times but I've almost always ended up thoroughly satisfied. But any discussion would just be labelled as "victim blaming".

You must surely understand that your standards you apply for yourself do not apply universally?

Again on the other hand, it's not fair to say "if she says it was rape, it was". Men aren't mind readers, especially when they're only thinking with their second head.

Men don't have "a second head", they have a penis. They also have a brain, one that in most men is absolutely capable of determining whether someone wants to have sex with them, or not, as the case may be. It is then their personal responsibility if someone says no, to take it as a given that they actually mean no, and not take it as "ok let's try a different tack", and continue on until they get what they want.

fizzypish

This sounds like a ****ty episode (understatement maybe...) for the Author of the article. Sorry for her that it happened. My 2 cents are if this was a rape then that guy in the story was a rapist. That guy is in the same bracket as Graham Dwyer or Larry Murphy. I don't agree with my previous statement.

J Mysterio

She has a new post today. Conor McGregor is a potential rapist now.

Conor McGregor and rape culture

This should be a lightning bolt to rape culture deniers everywhere – but don’t get sidetracked by the word “rape.” Conor McGregor isn’t telling us that he condones rape; what he is doing is telling us, very explicitly, that he views women as objects; that he’s invincible; that power (and, arguably, maleness) entitle him to do, touch, take, whatever it is he wants.

That is rape culture – a culture in which women are reduced to objects and men are, above all else, entitled to do with said object whatever they see fit. “I just have a confidence that comes from my big ball sack,” confirms McGregor.

We should be worried – two of the world’s most powerful men frequently speak about themselves like all-powerful gods, and about women as things to be grabbed, groped and ogled. It’s a culture and it’s spreading – how can we teach our children to respect women and men equally, when the world’s most famous fighter, an icon and role model to many, is telling them the exact opposite?

We can only hope that fatherhood will give Conor McGregor a fresh perspective – it might even be worth hoping for a girl, whose existence may just prompt him to rethink his stance on women, what they’re good for and what powerful men are entitled to take from them.

http://rosemarymaccabe.com/conor-mcgregor-problem-machismo/

hearmehearye

One eyed Jack wrote: »

You must surely understand that your standards you apply for yourself do not apply universally?





Men don't have "a second head", they have a penis. They also have a brain, one that in most men is absolutely capable of determining whether someone wants to have sex with them, or not, as the case may be. It is then their personal responsibility if someone says no, to take it as a given that they actually mean no, and not take it as "ok let's try a different tack", and continue on until they get what they want.

I'm not disagreeing with you - my point above was that consent isn't a constant. Once endorphins kick in it's easy for an original feeling to turn out completely different, and that's absolutely fine. RMC didn't want to have sex but made the conscious decision to allow it, and in my opinion that is a form of consent. A similar instance happened myself, when my then boyfriend had sex with me. I let him, and never felt more violated in my life. But I let him , and as a result consented in some way.

Outlaw Pete

Penn wrote: »

...she let him have sex with her because she had already said no three times, and he wouldn't stop.

Doesn't matter why she let him. The fact that she let him means she wasn't rape.

Unless that was, that she only let him out of fear for what he might do... but again, there is no suggestion that she was in anyway shape or form afraid of him. In her own words she let him have sex with her to avoid having to have an awkward conversation.

That's not consent.

Yes it is.

I thought breaking it down into it's simplest form might help some people understand it, but clearly not. My own fault really. The same people clearly don't understand the word "No".

You're in no position to be talking in a condescending manner to anyone given that it's you that appears not to appreciate that consent doesn't have to be something which needs to expressed verbally. It can, and mostly is, something which is communicated through body language. She "let" a man "have sex with her" who was "not pushy" with her. Essentially she said 'Yes' with her body as that is how her letting him have sex with her would have been correctly inferred.

Long story short: she was not raped here.

retro:electro

It just has to be said that when you are being intimate with someone, your actions will speak a million times louder than your words. Yes RMC said no, I do not want to have sex with you. But she also continued to kiss him, repeatedly, continually. He removed her top, she stayed kissing him. He tried to take her pants off, she says no but stays kissing him, he takes them off. There is an element of personal responsibility in her situation. I do not believe she didn't consent. She consented when she decided it was easier to have sex with him then to have an "awkward I don't fancy you conversation". She decided to have sex. That is consenting. In such an intimate, already overly awkward situation, I believe there were wires crossed. He was thinking "she's saying no but her actions are telling me yes". She should have told him she needed to go to the bathroom, got up and switched the light on and left the room. Awkward conversation avoided and apparent rape avoided.

pilly

J Mysterio wrote: »

She has a new post today. Conor McGregor is a potential rapist now.

Conor McGregor and rape culture

This should be a lightning bolt to rape culture deniers everywhere – but don’t get sidetracked by the word “rape.” Conor McGregor isn’t telling us that he condones rape; what he is doing is telling us, very explicitly, that he views women as objects; that he’s invincible; that power (and, arguably, maleness) entitle him to do, touch, take, whatever it is he wants.

That is rape culture – a culture in which women are reduced to objects and men are, above all else, entitled to do with said object whatever they see fit. “I just have a confidence that comes from my big ball sack,” confirms McGregor.

We should be worried – two of the world’s most powerful men frequently speak about themselves like all-powerful gods, and about women as things to be grabbed, groped and ogled. It’s a culture and it’s spreading – how can we teach our children to respect women and men equally, when the world’s most famous fighter, an icon and role model to many, is telling them the exact opposite?

We can only hope that fatherhood will give Conor McGregor a fresh perspective – it might even be worth hoping for a girl, whose existence may just prompt him to rethink his stance on women, what they’re good for and what powerful men are entitled to take from them.

http://rosemarymaccabe.com/conor-mcgregor-problem-machismo/

I don't know much about Conor McGregor's attitude to women but if she's basing her comments on the fact that he says he has a big ball sack I give ****ing up. This means he treats women like objects.

Ah stop. So if a woman says she has big tits then she's treating men like objects? I'm confused?

There's no defending some women.

mzungu

Rightwing wrote: »

Was 'no' a giggle no?
Was 'no' a scream that others in the house would hear?
Was 'no' followed by some kissing and fondling?

The facts are we don't know. And I would say the author probably doesn't know either.

Case closed Rosemary

All we have to go on is what the blogger wrote. This is what the OP asked people to comment on. The article states that there was multiple "no's" and the man in question carried on. It should have struck him at some stage that if he kept on hearing "no" that this would be a clear sign that she really did not want to have sex.

pumpkin4life

J Mysterio wrote: »

She has a new post today. Conor McGregor is a potential rapist now.

Conor McGregor and rape culture

This should be a lightning bolt to rape culture deniers everywhere – but don’t get sidetracked by the word “rape.” Conor McGregor isn’t telling us that he condones rape; what he is doing is telling us, very explicitly, that he views women as objects; that he’s invincible; that power (and, arguably, maleness) entitle him to do, touch, take, whatever it is he wants.

That is rape culture – a culture in which women are reduced to objects and men are, above all else, entitled to do with said object whatever they see fit. “I just have a confidence that comes from my big ball sack,” confirms McGregor.

We should be worried – two of the world’s most powerful men frequently speak about themselves like all-powerful gods, and about women as things to be grabbed, groped and ogled. It’s a culture and it’s spreading – how can we teach our children to respect women and men equally, when the world’s most famous fighter, an icon and role model to many, is telling them the exact opposite?

We can only hope that fatherhood will give Conor McGregor a fresh perspective – it might even be worth hoping for a girl, whose existence may just prompt him to rethink his stance on women, what they’re good for and what powerful men are entitled to take from them.

http://rosemarymaccabe.com/conor-mcgregor-problem-machismo/

namloc1980

neonsofa wrote: »

Many people who have been raped don't report it. Who are they undermining?

They don't go around writing blogs about it and advertising said blogs on social media. Big difference there but of course you knew that anyway.

Neyite

Mountainsandh wrote: »

Of course "no" can be verbally misinterpreted. That's the whole issue here imo, that is a communication issue.

You can tell what she wanted because she explains in the post. She did not make it clear on the night.

Sorry if this sounds bad because your child is still small, which I have no way to infer from your post by the way.

Regardless of age, and I have a young son too, the hypothetical question still stands. If our sons got it wrong on the night in question, would they be considered rapists ? My son for example, is currently being assessed for ASD. Sometimes, communication is not his forte (he doesn't quite get "abstract" speak for example).
What if he found himself in such a situation ? I know my son, he's a good little guy. I'm teaching him to be attentive, respectful, sensitive and perceptive. I hope he'd get the message in such a situation, but maybe he wouldn't, because young people simply sometimes just don't get it, they make mistakes, they get it wrong.

Communication sometimes breaks down.
Forget about my child above, it can break down for a number of reasons.
Someone just doesn't get the message.

If you feel you are in a situation of danger, your message needs to be very clear, and my opinion is that "no" is not always that clear.

Communication regarding consent needs to be clear - I fully agree.

Do you think that Rosemary, the subject of this particular thread, was clear? I personally think she she was. By her description, she said no a few times, said she didn't want to have sex, and made it clear that she was happy to continue kissing.

To my mind, that's clear communication. She was consenting to A (kissing) and made it clear to her partner she did not consent to B (sex).

Outlaw Pete

I think also that it's very telling that at the start of her article about her alleged rape, she endorses this misandrist nonsense written by Mary Cate Smith, who correlates "hyper masculinity" with men who attack and abuse women.

That article annoyed many people and seems she might have just been trying to do the same with hers.

If so, it's a case of mission accomplished I suspect.

J Mysterio

J Mysterio wrote: »

She has a new post today. Conor McGregor is a potential rapist now.

Conor McGregor and rape culture

Conor McGregor isn’t telling us that he condones rape; what he is doing is telling us, very explicitly, that he views women as objects; that he’s invincible; that power (and, arguably, maleness) entitle him to do, touch, take, whatever it is he wants.

http://rosemarymaccabe.com/conor-mcgregor-problem-machismo/

She's actually spot on there, for some "rape culture" does not mean the person who dabbles in it is a rapist, it's simply about denigration and the objectification of women as merely sexual objects. And he does that in buckets. His misogynism is pretty ugly, he's always using words like "b****" and "P****" as derogatory terms, referring to a reporter using her "nice little ass to get a raise", women "sitting on his d***" etc. etc.

retro:electro

Doesn't want to report it because she's afraid it'll ruin his life but doesn't mind writing a blog post about it for her own personal gain. I'd wager his life will be ruined through these accusations anyway. He will know who he is and her friends of the time will know who she's talking about. So, as an influencer, why doesn't she now report it? Or is she happy to leave a potential rapist on the loose.