When did we stop wearing suits to funerals?

zoobizoo

Was at a funeral recently and was surprised at the lack of suits being worn.

Was pretty surprised by a lad I know (late 40s wearing a pair of jeans, black converse and jumper) to the funeral of a parent of a close friend. I was the only one in a group of ex colleagues / work friends who was in a suit. I felt overdressed. Couldn't bring myself to wear jeans regardless of how smart they are.

I presume a lot of it is down to work wear not being as formal as it was 20 years ago and possibly that people don't go to church much anymore (I only go at funerals and weddings).

Did I miss the "Casual Dress" memo?

listermint

zoobizoo wrote: »

Was at a funeral recently and was surprised at the lack of suits being worn.

Was pretty surprised by a lad I know (late 40s wearing a pair of jeans, black converse and jumper) to the funeral of a parent of a close friend. I was the only one in a group of ex colleagues / work friends who was in a suit. I felt overdressed. Couldn't bring myself to wear jeans regardless of how smart they are.

I presume a lot of it is down to work wear not being as formal as it was 20 years ago and possibly that people don't go to church much anymore (I only go at funerals and weddings).

Did I miss the "Casual Dress" memo?

Noticed this myself.i always wear a suit it's a sign of respect.

Been to a few recently and overtly casual dress was everywhere

ancapailldorcha

Who on earth wouldn't wear a suit to a funeral. People only get one. It wouldn't even occur to me not to wear one.

thesultan

listermint wrote: »

Noticed this myself.i always wear a suit it's a sign of respect.

Been to a few recently and overtly casual dress was everywhere

Only relations or close friends wear them...

StupidLikeAFox

I'd be highly offended if people turned up to my funeral wearing casual clothes

CIARAN_BOYLE

I wear a suit to funerals but I always wear suits for work, so I have plenty. My father doesn't wear a suit for funerals. Then again I don't think he has a suit in the wardrobe that's not left over from some wedding 25 years ago. He is not going 5o buy a suit just for funerals either. He doesn't go to enough of them. So not suit for him.

Quazzie

StupidLikeAFox wrote: »

I'd be highly offended if people turned up to my funeral wearing casual clothes

No you wouldn't.

listermint

thesultan wrote: »

Only relations or close friends wear them...

Sorry but no.

Disrespectful.

I guess I was raised .

.

freshpopcorn

I often find boards is obsessed with wearing suits to funnerals.
I remember before I was unsure of what to wear and I read up a thread on here and it basically said to wear a suit. Somebody talked me out of it at the time.
I was so lucky I didn't because I'd have out dressed the family nearly.
Even when I see people out side funeral homes the majority of people wouldn't be overly dressed up unless their coming from work.

Permabear

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ballsymchugh

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

do you really think the grieving family are concerned with that people are wearing?

eviltwin

Suits aren't the only way to show respect. I don't think anyone wore a suit to my dads funeral not even my brothers. Every one looked fine I'm sure, I wasn't really looking. I remember feeling grateful and proud that so many people showed up. That was enough. If some lads were wearing jumpers instead of ties it didn't matter.

beertons

If I'm not family, i'll wear jeans and a nice jacket.

It's not a fashion show. You're paying your respects to the deceased, not trying to pick up a date.

ballsymchugh

eviltwin wrote: »

Suits aren't the only way to show respect. I don't think anyone wore a suit to my dads funeral not even my brothers. Every one looked fine I'm sure, I wasn't really looking. I remember feeling grateful and proud that so many people showed up. That was enough. If some lads were wearing jumpers instead of ties it didn't matter.

exactly.

El_Duderino 09

listermint wrote:

Disrespectful.

ancapailldorcha wrote:

Who on earth wouldn't wear a suit to a funeral. People only get one. It wouldn't even occur to me not to wear one.

listermint wrote:

Been to a few recently and overtly casual dress was everywhere

thesultan wrote:

Only relations or close friends wear them...

Social norms change. Suits aren't necessary to show respect nowadays. That probably upsets some people but any change is likely to upset someone.

technics_1210

the passed away dont care what we wear

HamsterFace

Where I'm from, no one who isn't family or the undertaker would wear a suit to a funeral, unless they were coming from work. And attending funerals seems to be a regular past time, my dad going to 3 or 4 a week. You would wear good clothes obviously, rarely suits though.

My Dublin gf does tell me that people do dress up more, and all in black, in Dublin so maybe that's where most of the posters are from?

Pawwed Rig

ballsymchugh wrote: »

do you really think the grieving family are concerned with that people are wearing?

I only goto funerals of family members and close friends so would usually wear a suit. If I was a habitual funeral goer I wouldn't bother.
Not really a big deal anymore if you ask me.

Quazzie

HamsterFace wrote: »

Where I'm from, no one who isn't family or the undertaker would wear a suit to a funeral, unless they were coming from work. And attending funerals seems to be a regular past time, my dad going to 3 or 4 a week. You would wear good clothes obviously, rarely suits though.

My Dublin gf does tell me that people do dress up more, and all in black, in Dublin so maybe that's where most of the posters are from?

From the midlands here and funerals are a definite suit affair down here so not just a Dublin thing.

freshpopcorn

HamsterFace wrote: »

My Dublin gf does tell me that people do dress up more, and all in black, in Dublin so maybe that's where most of the posters are from?

I was actually thinking it might have being a Dublin thing too.
In my area the family and somebody coming from work would wear a suit.
It would only be rough people trying to look posh that wear suits to funerals.

ballsymchugh

Quazzie wrote: »

From the midlands here and funerals are a definite suit affair down here so not just a Dublin thing.

Midlands here too, only a suit affair if family or parent of very close friends, otherwise just don't dress like a clown.

Pimlico

Definitely not a Dublin thing. I would only wear a suit to a family or close friend's funeral.

My Dad died 3 weeks ago. Myself, my brothers, brother in law and some close cousins wore suits, everyone one else just smart casual I guess.

Tbh, what people were wearing was the last thing on any of our mind and I personally don't get how not wearing a suit would be disrespectful. I'd rather a kind word or story shared at my Dad's funeral from someone wearing a tracksuit as opposed to a cold handshake from someone in a suit.

Wibbs

I don't own a suit, so that's that really. I'd not go to a funeral in dayglo hipster gear or anything, just muted "casual". If I turned up in a suit I'd look like the dearly departed themselves, or the funeral director, or the greasy hit man who pulled the trigger. Plus any funeral I'd attend would be of someone close to me and anyone close to me would be in danger of pulling a Lazarus and asking WTF if I turned up in a suit.

This near fetish for suits I don't get TBH. They're an old fashioned holdover beloved of some trying to look like adults/easy and unimaginative uniform choice to "fit in"/good corporate types/faux bourgeoisie/mix of all of the above. I don't get the "respect" part particularly. Unless the recently dearly departed was of the same cloth.

To be fair I seem to have out of the egg with an innate blindness to some aspects of social "norms", particularly in something like this*. Along with the usual letters of DNA; A, G, T, and C, I have DGAF scattered about. If I care about someone in life, they will have known it and how I mourn their passing is our and my deal, I give two hoots what anybody else thinks.


*this isn't a boast, if anything it can be an impediment.

Wibbs

Pimlico wrote: »

Tbh, what people were wearing was the last thing on any of our mind and I personally don't get how not wearing a suit would be disrespectful. I'd rather a kind word or story shared at my Dad's funeral from someone wearing a tracksuit as opposed to a cold handshake from someone in a suit.

+1000.

Sleeper12

I've never worn a suit to a funeral, including my dad's 25 years ago. Just cos you aren't in a suit doesn't mean you you have to be casual

Gavlor

thesultan wrote: »

Only relations or close friends wear them...

This, along with politicians and other such gobsh!tes that want to be seen there.

silverharp

Without thinking to much about it I'd wear a suit to any close relatives, freind's parents and the like, a neighbour I wouldnt especially. in saying that unless its a Sat Im in a suit anyway

yesto24

Pimlico wrote: »

Definitely not a Dublin thing. I would only wear a suit to a family or close friend's funeral.

My Dad died 3 weeks ago. Myself, my brothers, brother in law and some close cousins wore suits, everyone one else just smart casual I guess.

Tbh, what people were wearing was the last thing on any of our mind and I personally don't get how not wearing a suit would be disrespectful. I'd rather a kind word or story shared at my Dad's funeral from someone wearing a tracksuit as opposed to a cold handshake from someone in a suit.

Yeah because there is nothing in between.
What about the guy in a suit who has a kind word to say?

If I am at a funeral, I wear a suit or at least something better than normal day to day wear.
But I only go to a funeral of friends or their parents or family.

tayto lover

Would never wear jeans to a funeral.
Neat and casual is ok but not jeans.

Pimlico

yesto24 wrote: »

Yeah because there is nothing in between.
What about the guy in a suit who has a kind word to say?

If I am at a funeral, I wear a suit or at least something better than normal day to day wear.
But I only go to a funeral of friends or their parents or family.

Of course there's an in between but I was just making a point in response to some previous posters that think wearing a suit equates to being respectful while not wearing one is seen as highly disprespectful.

Absolutely everyone entitled to their own opinion but just personally speaking I can remember the majority of the people that came and sympathised with me at the funeral however I couldn't tell you what any of them were wearing, to me that's the important bit.

ZeroThreat

tayto lover wrote: »

Would never wear jeans to a funeral.
Neat and casual is ok but not jeans.

Exactly, never wear clothes to a funeral you wouldn't be allowed to wear on a golf course/

whoopsadoodles

ZeroThreat wrote: »

Exactly, never wear clothes to a funeral you wouldn't be allowed to wear on a golf course/

Well that's just silly. You wouldn't wear a three piece suit and shiny shoes to play golf.

The only funeral I've had to organise I specifically asked for people to wear casual and colourful clothes.

I don't see the need to show up in a suit to every funeral. As long as you're there isn't that the main thing? How do you expect a tradesman to attend if he has to also take the time to go home, shower, and put on a suit. Then go back home and get back into his snickers? I'd prefer he was present, than didn't come because he didn't have the right attire.

ballsymchugh

ZeroThreat wrote: »

Exactly, never wear clothes to a funeral you wouldn't be allowed to wear on a golf course/

i wonder what people wore to payne stewart's funeral...

Dave147

Smart jeans a shirt and shoes are plenty respectful for a funeral if you're not a family member or close friend.

endacl

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Who on earth wouldn't wear a suit to a funeral. People only get one. It wouldn't even occur to me not to wear one.

People can have as many suits as they like.

learn_more

When I was younger and not having much experience of going to funerals I wore a suit to my fathers aunts funeral.

I hardly knew her and didn't know her daughters family either.

When I got to the church I saw my brother in the pews about 10 seats down from the top wearing casual clothes and I immediately knew something was wrong, with my outfit.

I suddenly felt paranoid about my attire especially when I saw ppl coming down from receiving checking me out as they returned to their seats, wondering who was I, in the suit.

As the coffin was being put into the hearse after the service ppl were coming up to me shaking my hand. I hardly knew the woman. The grieving family must have seen me and wondered who the f**k I was.

When we got to the cemetery I met relatives of mine that were of equal distance relations to the deceased and one said to me 'oooh your looking very smart'.

I was never ever so embarrassed in all my life and I'll never forget it. I am still to this day annoyed with my mum for not telling me I was inappropriately dressed as she goes to funerals every other week and she would have known the score, which is that only the immediate family wear suits to distinguish them from everyone else.

The only good to come out of this is that whenever I recount this sorry tale to a friend they invariably end up in stitches laughing to the point of tears.

Thelomen Toblackai

Wearing a suit seems like the thing to do until you have to go to the funeral of a family member or friend.

Then you realise it's doesn't matter to anyone other than those looking to see who's wearing a suit. Those grieving the deceased probably wouldn't notice if half the people turned up in shorts and hawaiin shirts.

Same goes for wakes. Lots of concern over who went to pay their respect and who didn't until you're on the other side of it with not one thought given to whos there beyond maybe wishing everyone would just feck off for a bit so you can think for a second about what's just happened.

JustAThought

Was shocked at a funeral recently at thegear on some of the women - you'd think they were going on a night on the pull or to a flambouyant wedding . Paying your respects is just that - why set out to offend - dark clothing, & preferably a suit. Its called paying your last respects for a reason.

learn_more

JustAThought wrote: »

Was shocked at a funeral recently at thegear on some of the women - you'd think they were going on a night on the pull or to a flambouyant wedding . Paying your respects is just that - why set out to offend - dark clothing, & preferably a suit. Its called paying your last respects for a reason.

I have never attended a funeral of anyone that I wasn't related to in some way. Only last week I sympathised with my bro's wife who's mother died. I never knew her mother and I'd only seen her once at their wedding. I didn't go to pay my last respects, I went to sympathise with brothers wife. How could I pay my last respects to someone I didn't know.

Wibbs

ZeroThreat wrote: »

Exactly, never wear clothes to a funeral you wouldn't be allowed to wear on a golf course/

The day I'd make any style, or etiquette choices based on what patrons of a golf course wear, it will be a change before death and an impending symptom of same.

eviltwin

JustAThought wrote: »

Was shocked at a funeral recently at thegear on some of the women - you'd think they were going on a night on the pull or to a flambouyant wedding . Paying your respects is just that - why set out to offend - dark clothing, & preferably a suit. Its called paying your last respects for a reason.

That's another one I don't understand, the dark clothing. I know a funeral is a sombre event but when did wearing something with a bit of colour become a lack of respect. I see a funeral as a celebration of the deceaseds life more than anything. I hope when I eventually go that my send off is a riot of colour.

Sleeper12

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

Well that's just silly. You wouldn't wear a three piece suit and shiny shoes to play golf.

The only funeral I've had to organise I specifically asked for people to wear casual and colourful clothes.

I don't see the need to show up in a suit to every funeral. As long as you're there isn't that the main thing? How do you expect a tradesman to attend if he has to also take the time to go home, shower, and put on a suit. Then go back home and get back into his snickers? I'd prefer he was present, than didn't come because he didn't have the right attire.

I went to to removal of my friends mum in Black stained Snickers work pants Polo top & fleece. I sat down the back & paid my respects. I went to the funeral mass the next day in black jeans Black Shirt & black coat. I followed them then from Dublin To Tipp for the actual funeral. I sat in the hotel later with the family till the wee hours. I don't think they cared what I wore.

JustAThought

You don't think - but you don't know & most people are too polite to ever say. Naturally what matters is that you made the effort to be there for yhem but as you can see on this thread some it does really matter to some people . Do 'you' want to take the risk it will be your friends parents or family that you add extra upset or annoyance of disrespect to on the worst day of their lives?

Wibbs

eviltwin wrote: »

That's another one I don't understand, the dark clothing.

Along with the suits, no jeans thing it's just another example of recieved social etiquette and shared occasion(with a side order for some of playing social dress up). Albeit one with a long history as dark colours are associated with the sombre(in other cultures white is the colour of death). Which is fine and I can see the comfort in etiquette, especially for the socially/style unsure, but I would hope western culture has moved somewhat beyond the obvious. Take jeans. Seen as "workwear", but suits are just as likely to be workwear as jeans these days. Apparently chinos get a pass.

Sleeper12 wrote: »

I sat in the hotel later with the family till the wee hours. I don't think they cared what I wore.

Yep. Given the choice between some professional mourner peddling platitudes and crocodile tears for the sake of the occasion, give me actual mourning and support. Regardless of attire.

ED E

Was at a funeral 2mo ago where members of a very prominent county team were in attendance, in ripped knee jeans. Had a double take when I saw it.

Wibbs

JustAThought wrote: »

Do 'you' want to take the risk it will be your friends parents or family that you add extra upset or annoyance of disrespect to on the worst day of their lives?

I only go to funerals of those I knew and cared about(or immediate family of same). Those I know who know me wouldn't bat an eyelid. If some member of the extended cortege get an attack of twitching curtains annoyance at what I(or anyone else) is wearing, I personally don't give a fcuk. If I knew there was enough of a percentage of the small of mind present, I'll help out in other ways, like keeping an eye on the family house in case scum decide to burgle the place(a not uncommon event).

irelandrover

JustAThought wrote: »

You don't think - but you don't know & most people are too polite to ever say. Naturally what matters is that you made the effort to be there for yhem but as you can see on this thread some it does really matter to some people . Do 'you' want to take the risk it will be your friends parents or family that you add extra upset or annoyance of disrespect to on the worst day of their lives?

As far as I can see noone who had a loved one died and who commented on this thread actually cared what people wore. All the people saying suits must be worn are people who went to pay respects.

I know when my close relatives died i didnt care what people wore. I barely remeber who came to the funeral.

Noddyholder

Once you are not turning up in your yellow or red summer clothing, nearly all dark clothing is accepted nowadays, Of course for immediate family and relatives its a dark suit.

Sleeper12

Noddyholder wrote: »

Once you are not turning up in your yellow or red summer clothing, nearly all dark clothing is accepted nowadays, Of course for immediate family and relatives its a dark suit.

Not all families wear dark suits either though. I certainly didn't at my dads funeral

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

lawred2

zoobizoo wrote: »

Was at a funeral recently and was surprised at the lack of suits being worn.

Was pretty surprised by a lad I know (late 40s wearing a pair of jeans, black converse and jumper) to the funeral of a parent of a close friend. I was the only one in a group of ex colleagues / work friends who was in a suit. I felt overdressed. Couldn't bring myself to wear jeans regardless of how smart they are.

I presume a lot of it is down to work wear not being as formal as it was 20 years ago and possibly that people don't go to church much anymore (I only go at funerals and weddings).

Did I miss the "Casual Dress" memo?

Well I would never wear anything but a suit at a funeral

And I wouldn't feel overdressed