someone asks you to go to the cinema with them.. would your OH mind?

donegaLroad

as the thread title says,

a girl recently asked me to go to the cinema with her, I saw no real harm in it until I told the OH, and it didnt go down well... so I didn't bother going.

On the other hand, if some guy asked the OH to go to the cinema.. to be honest, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

does this make me a strange person?

SCOOP 64

Seems abit strange allright.

Jack the Stripper

Like Snooker keep one foot on the ground.

rarariot

sounds like your girlfriend is cheating on you, OP. i'd probably end the relationship tbh

A Dub in Glasgo

I don't understand why you thought this was fine especially if you have an 'other half'

donegaLroad

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

I don't understand why you thought this was fine especially if you have an 'other half'

me and the OH know this girl very well.

Royal Legend

donegaLroad wrote: »

me and the OH know this girl very well.

ahh, Threesome, now you are starting to make sense

A Dub in Glasgo

donegaLroad wrote: »

me and the OH know this girl very well.

So why did she not invite both of you?

manonboard

donegaLroad wrote: »

as the thread title says,

a girl recently asked me to go to the cinema with her, I saw no real harm in it until I told the OH, and it didnt go down well... so I didn't bother going.

On the other hand, if some guy asked the OH to go to the cinema.. to be honest, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

does this make me a strange person?

That's codependency right there. You had a chance to connect with a person, you have a chance to form another friendship.
You cancelled what you wanted to do, because you feared your partners reaction to you making a friend.
Your OH is either an insecure sexist person who doesn't trust you, or is an insecure person who doesn't trust you.
It's extremely likely the lack of trust is due to fear of not being good enough that you'd be loyal to them.

donegaLroad

manonboard wrote: »

That's codependency right there. You had a chance to connect with a person, you have a chance to form another friendship.
You cancelled what you wanted to do, because you feared your partners reaction to you making a friend.
Your OH is either an insecure sexist person who doesn't trust you, or is an insecure person who doesn't trust you.
It's extremely likely the lack of trust is due to fear of not being good enough that you'd be loyal to them.

insightful, thanks.

Neames

I'm more surprised at peoples' reactions when I tell them that I regularly go to the cinema on my own.

My Mrs doesn't always like my choice of film....So off I go.

But the reactions are unreal...Weird, loser etc.

rarariot

Neames wrote: »

I'm more surprised at peoples' reactions when I tell them that I regularly go to the cinema on my own.

My Mrs doesn't always like my choice of film....So off I go.

But the reactions are unreal...Weird, loser etc.

ah it's good to do some things on your own sometimes. i have sex on my own all the time

WHIP IT!

Neames wrote: »

I'm more surprised at peoples' reactions when I tell them that I regularly go to the cinema on my own.

My Mrs doesn't always like my choice of film....So off I go.

But the reactions are unreal...Weird, loser etc.

One of life's simple pleasures, right there... particularly during the daytime when it's quiet... people who dismiss you as "weird" or a loser are simply uncomfortable in their own skin...

Day Lewin

manonboard wrote: »

That's codependency right there. You had a chance to connect with a person, you have a chance to form another friendship.
You cancelled what you wanted to do, because you feared your partners reaction to you making a friend.
Your OH is either an insecure sexist person who doesn't trust you, or is an insecure person who doesn't trust you.
It's extremely likely the lack of trust is due to fear of not being good enough that you'd be loyal to them.

Translates into --
OP YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER!!!

There again, maybe manonboard is inclined to take life very seriously. We need all kinds. #grouphug

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

If it was a strange guy I'm sure he'd have something to say but if it was one of my guy friends, i doubt he'd care. Probably be delighted with 2.5 hours of peace

JustAThought

donegaLroad wrote: »

as the thread title says,

a girl recently asked me to go to the cinema with her, I saw no real harm in it until I told the OH, and it didnt go down well... so I didn't bother going.

On the other hand, if some guy asked the OH to go to the cinema.. to be honest, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

does this make me a strange person?

No!! But it shows you up in a very good
Light that since it upset your OH you didn't make a big deal & just cancelled. Nice! good move!!

Re the odd bit : Some people associate cinema with dates only or a big treat so in their minds it is built up to be much more that just going to the flicks. Others (like me given a chance) would go at the drop of a hat - probably a few times a week if there us a good run of interesting films or screenings on - and enjoy it either with company or someone to discuss it after with or by themselves for a good big screen night out.

Good of you to cancel thou. I would feel that way about my OH going to the beach with someone so I get where they are coming from.

troyzer

Neames wrote: »

I'm more surprised at peoples' reactions when I tell them that I regularly go to the cinema on my own.

My Mrs doesn't always like my choice of film....So off I go.

But the reactions are unreal...Weird, loser etc.

I go a lot on my own as well. It started out of necessity when I was doing my Masters abroad and didn't have any friends yet but eventually I grew to enjoy it. I love going on my own to late night movies. I don't understand why it needs to be communal, you sit in a dark room watching a movie. You shouldn't be talking anyway. I get that you won't have the after movie chat but that's what reddit and boards is for.

If one of the friends I know him through asked me to the cinema and he objected, it'd be pretty odd. He doesn't expect me to drop friends just because he exists, and vice versa.

It's entirely dependent on who you'd be going to the cinema with OP, a longstanding friend you both know shouldn't be a problem. A random night out with the office siren she's never met might result in justifiable discomfort.

somesoldiers

Forget about having a life outside your relationship. They are great fun at first, but slowly chip away at everything that you enjoyed doing without them until there comes a point where going out for a pint once every few months with your dad is a problem - stay single dude

somesoldiers

somesoldiers wrote: »

Forget about having a life outside your relationship. They are great fun at first, but slowly chip away at everything that you enjoyed doing without them until there comes s point where going out for a pint once a month with your father is a problem - stay single dude

Jesus.

Or...he could always choose his partners a bit more carefully than you obviously do.

Samuel T. Cogley

Was it a sex cinema?

Badly Drunk Boy

I haven't been to the cinema since we kids called them the 'talkies' but I never had any problem going to the early 90s version of the Lighthouse Cinema by myself.

If ye both knew the 'friend of the other gender', and just saw them as friends, I don't see a problem. But because I'm not into going to 'the pictures', I'd find it weird if anybody other than my partner invited me to see a film. And I'd say it to my partner.

Parchment

If it was a male friend of mine - it wouldnt be a problem at all.

pickarooney

What did you tell the girl? "Can't go, your long term friend doesn't trust you in a cinema with me"?

A Dub in Glasgo

pickarooney wrote: »

What did you tell the girl? "Can't go, your long term friend doesn't trust you in a cinema with me"?

Yikes, I thought OH means something else :eek:

MadDog76

manonboard wrote: »

That's codependency right there. You had a chance to connect with a person, you have a chance to form another friendship.
You cancelled what you wanted to do, because you feared your partners reaction to you making a friend.
Your OH is either an insecure sexist person who doesn't trust you, or is an insecure person who doesn't trust you.
It's extremely likely the lack of trust is due to fear of not being good enough that you'd be loyal to them.

That's some twisted logic right there ....... the girl is being weird asking a girl's boyfriend, particularly a girl she knows, to go to the cinema with her ........ the Op is being weird accepting what is effectively a "date" when he has a girlfriend at home ............ the girlfriend's reaction is normal.

A Dub in Glasgo

Mr.S wrote: »

Presumably they are friends

Yes, very good friends with both of them... so why did she only invite the fella? Surely you would expect both of them to be invited

donegaLroad

A Dub in Glasgo wrote: »

Yes, very good friends with both of them... so why did she only invite the fella? Surely you would expect both of them to be invited

would need to get a baby-sitter

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

MadDog76 wrote: »

That's some twisted logic right there ....... the girl is being weird asking a girl's boyfriend, particularly a girl she knows, to go to the cinema with her ........ the Op is being weird accepting what is effectively a "date" when he has a girlfriend at home ............ the girlfriend's reaction is normal.

People can have friends of the opposite sex and it's not weird to hang out with friends alone

corner of hells

rarariot wrote: »

Neames wrote: »

I'm more surprised at peoples' reactions when I tell them that I regularly go to the cinema on my own.

My Mrs doesn't always like my choice of film....So off I go.

But the reactions are unreal...Weird, loser etc.

ah it's good to do some things on your own sometimes. i have sex on my own all the time

What cinema allows you to have sex on your own in ?

And do you wipe your knob in the seat afterwards ?

A young one in work asked me to go to the cinema with her , I just don't want see or hear you cracking one off to Trainspotting.

Dave_The_Sheep

Neames wrote: »

I'm more surprised at peoples' reactions when I tell them that I regularly go to the cinema on my own.

I used to go to restaurants on my own all the time when I was single.

50% of the time I'd get probably better than normal treatment because they assumed I was a (wannabe) critic. The other 50% I'd get some seriously ****ing odd looks, from staff and fellow patrons. "Who the **** goes to eat on their own?" but communicated via eyes. Either way, I usually enjoyed my meal, unless it was ****e.

**** 'em, I like food.

Katgurl

WHIP IT! wrote: »

One of life's simple pleasures, right there... particularly during the daytime when it's quiet... people who dismiss you as "weird" or a loser are simply uncomfortable in their own skin...

I said this exact thing the other evening. An afternoon skiving off in the cinema alone is the best. My friend that I said it to (we were at the cinema together) looked at me like I'd lost my marbles.

worded

I think it's odd she didn't invite both of you

Could drift towards an affair rapidly ....

Thephantomsmask

Neames wrote: »

I'm more surprised at peoples' reactions when I tell them that I regularly go to the cinema on my own.

My Mrs doesn't always like my choice of film....So off I go.

But the reactions are unreal...Weird, loser etc.

My parents regularly go to the cinema to see separate films, they time it so they finish at the same time. It works very well for them.

My OH is lives in a different part of the country and I like to go and see any films that don't appeal to him (rare we wouldn't agree though) on weeknights, a quiet trip on my own is one of life's little luxuries. No elbow nudging to pass the sweeties!

fatknacker

I've been cinemaing alone for several years and I've never once been slagged or called a weirdo for it.

Mind you, I do smell like fishmonger's whorish dockyard wife, so maybe thats the why.

Outlaw Pete

Well, if it was the new 50 Shades film and they reached so far down into my popcorn that their hand found my hot dog.... yeah, I think my OH would mind.









I don't actually have a girlfriend but I used comedic licence and pretended I had one. Sue me.

MadDog76

LexieOnRale wrote: »

People can have friends of the opposite sex and it's not weird to hang out with friends alone

Hanging out with a friend is one thing but romantic dinners, date nights at the cinema, cosy nights in by the fire etc. are not an acceptable way to hang out with a "friend" when in a serious loving committed relationship.

MadDog76

donegaLroad wrote: »

would need to get a baby-sitter

Why didn't she ask your girlfriend, her very good friend, to go to the cinema and leave you to mind the child(ren)? And/or why didn't that scenario not even occur to you??

BlinkingLights

Neames wrote: »

I'm more surprised at peoples' reactions when I tell them that I regularly go to the cinema on my own.

My Mrs doesn't always like my choice of film....So off I go.

But the reactions are unreal...Weird, loser etc.

It is weird how we consider the cinema a social event even though we all sit in silence in a dark room staring at a screen with almost zero possible social interaction.

Yet going to the pub on your own is somehow grand.

tomwaterford

MadDog76 wrote: »

Hanging out with a friend is one thing but romantic dinners, date nights at the cinema, cosy nights in by the fire etc. are not an acceptable way to hang out with a "friend" when in a serious loving committed relationship.

Why cant u go to the cinema with friends??

suicide_circus

Probably depend on the movie;

*Cop buddy action caper - no problem.

*Softcore French Arthouse - no way.

donegaLroad

so we went to see Split on Sunday evening.. good film, the OH was ok in the end, no biggy...

TerrorFirmer

I don't get how people could see you as wierd for going to the cinema alone. It's an experience that not only requires zero interaction, but encourages it. Yes, it's nice to share a cinematic experience together and discuss it afterwards but really, on the whole, it's a pretty good experience for a single person. Eating alone in a restaurant, by comparison as referenced above - I wouldn't call it weird but it wouldn't be for me, as enjoying good food goes well with company and conversation.

As for the issue in the OP....it does suggest some serious underlying issues there. Provided there's no glaringly obvious alterior motive or history, it's entirely normal.

wakka12

manonboard wrote: »

That's codependency right there. You had a chance to connect with a person, you have a chance to form another friendship.
You cancelled what you wanted to do, because you feared your partners reaction to you making a friend.
Your OH is either an insecure sexist person who doesn't trust you, or is an insecure person who doesn't trust you.
It's extremely likely the lack of trust is due to fear of not being good enough that you'd be loyal to them.

This ,really.. Im an extremely insecure person and it makes me not trust my boyfriend even though he is probably trustworthy

Blacktie.

Some amount of insecure people in this thread.

MadDog76

Blacktie. wrote: »

Some amount of insecure people in this thread.

It's more about respect than insecurity ............

pickarooney

MadDog76 wrote: »

It's more about respect than insecurity ............

I don't think it's a euphemism. The OP was actually talking about watching a film at the cinema.

Widdershins

MadDog76 wrote: »

Why didn't she ask your girlfriend, her very good friend, to go to the cinema and leave you to mind the child(ren)? And/or why didn't that scenario not even occur to you??

Yes I find this very iffy. Asked you and said the girlfriend can stay at home minding the children. A bit crappy at best.

Cinemas are vaguely date-ish at least to some people, doesn't matter if one or two here don't agree-you're not in a relationship with those people and you can be damn sure they have their own 'rules' and likes and dislikes in their own relationships.

Also wondering if there's more to it than you're saying. Maybe your girlfriend is uneasy about your mutual ''friend'' already. I think I would be if she's the sort to ask you and leave her out.

Widdershins

donegaLroad wrote: »

so we went to see Split on Sunday evening.. good film, the OH was ok in the end, no biggy...

Did she change her mind or did you just go anyway and tell her after?

donegaLroad

Widdershins wrote: »

Did she change her mind or did you just go anyway and tell her after?

I told her I was thinking of going, and she didn't seem so bad about it, so I didnt see the harm and just went. I will take her to the cinema soon..

donegaLroad

Widdershins wrote: »

Yes I find this very iffy. Asked you and said the girlfriend can stay at home minding the children. A bit crappy at best.

Cinemas are vaguely date-ish at least to some people, doesn't matter if one or two here don't agree-you're not in a relationship with those people and you can be damn sure they have their own 'rules' and likes and dislikes in their own relationships.

Also wondering if there's more to it than you're saying. Maybe your girlfriend is uneasy about your mutual ''friend'' already. I think I would be if she's the sort to ask you and leave her out.

she is into horror, my missus is into romantic comedy, so she definitely would not have been interested in going.