Why do some women ask for opinions they don't want?

MilesMorales1

Women (Some women, not all) ask for your opinions on clothes and hair and all that, and I either give an honest opinion or I say 'yeah its nice that'
And most of the time I'm either reinforcing her opinion or she immediately disagrees and has made her mind up already so why did she bloody well ask me.
I says to her I like it and she says 'no its horrible' or 'you have to like it'
Then why ask?!

osarusan

Just say that you are eating your breakfast Kate and it'll be sorted.

Seth Brundle

Is the OP a woman and really doesn't want our opinion?

Herb Powell

Are you 12 years old, by any chance?

MilesMorales1

kbannon wrote: »

Is the OP a woman and really doesn't want our opinion?

No its horrible.

Hector Bellend

Just tell her that her arse looks massive.

She'll not ask again.

maudgonner

Hector Bellend wrote: »

Just tell her that her arse looks massive.

She'll not ask again.

In fairness, it's a long way to go to a graveyard to ask questions of a corpse.

jimgoose

She wants you to tell her that she looks like Danu, the Earth Goddess. Although she had quite a big arse as well by all accounts, you know that sort of Sophia Loren build. So I'd say the safest way out of it is probably to fake a heart-attack and just hit the deck.

Sue Pa Key Pa

Typical Facebook post

"What so you think of my new hairstyle?"

Response; 794 comments of "swit swoo, looking gorgeous babes" . Zero responses of "you look like Mr. Spock"

Samuel T. Cogley

Women, eh, eh?

God the pub must be quiet tonight.

whoopsadoodles

What "woman" is it that's asking you these difficult questions Miles?

milehip

Probably for the same reason that they offer opinions without being asked.

That reason being that the're people and there's nowt as queer as folk.

gifted

Just tell her it finished 2 nil....

sjb25

Because...

MilesMorales1

If a woman just wants me to reinforce her opinion though, why doesn't she just ask me to do that? Or ask her stupid friends instead.

SEPT 23 1989

It usually starts with "i have nothing to wear"

Wibbs

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

I says to her I like it and she says 'no its horrible' or 'you have to like it'
Then why ask?!

Get a different woman. I find anyone who plays up to a stereotype - and it is one - to be bloody tiresome.

Earthhorse

It's to compensate for periods.

Yes, but does my bum look big in this?


I never ask opinions, if I don't like it I won't do it/wear it and if I do like it then I will. I'm rarely persuaded by a second opinion.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Running the risk of giving an actual answer to a rhetorical question, but women do tend towards indirect communication compared to men. There are things implied in questions, subtleties presumed understood etc. Right now I know my granny is annoyed at an aunt of mine, and I know that because my granny gave me a scarf the last time I called to visit her (really).

You can ask and ask til the cows come home "why can't they be different", but honestly you're better off just accepting what should be blindingly obvious if you've been around women at all in your adult life.


And it goes both ways, women can get frustrated with the fact that men are usually more direct communicators and just try and complain them into changing rather than adjusting how they communicate - i.e. he's probably not going to be able to interpret your cold mood as "I should empty the dishwasher".

MilesMorales1

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

If a woman just wants me to reinforce her opinion though, why doesn't she just ask me to do that? Or ask her stupid friends instead.

The serious answer is that she's very insecure and second guesses herself. If you want to make her happy ask her what she thinks herself and then agree with her in a vague way so that it backs up her own suspicions in a flattering way. E.g. "Yes, I see what you mean but I think it looks great on you anyway and I didn't notice that issue until you pointed it out"

If you want to make yourself happy, get another girlfriend who trusts her own judgement because having to validate someone's choices all the time is exhausting.

MilesMorales1

It's not a girlfriend I should clarify, its just a friend of mine. We just seem to spend a lot of time together.

Earthhorse

Ronald Wailing Powder wrote: »

And it goes both ways, women can get frustrated with the fact that men are usually more direct communicators and just try and complain them into changing rather than adjusting how they communicate - i.e. he's probably not going to be able to interpret your cold mood as "I should empty the dishwasher".

The frustrating thing is I don't even have a dishwasher. What could her cold mood mean? Maybe she is actually cold.

Ronald Wailing Powder

Ronald Wailing Powder wrote: »

And it goes both ways, women can get frustrated with the fact that men are usually more direct communicators and just try and complain them into changing rather than adjusting how they communicate - i.e. he's probably not going to be able to interpret your cold mood as "I should empty the dishwasher".

Women tell men about a problem and they instantly go into the 'fix' mode. They see an issue presented to them as something to be solved and lay on the advice/instructions.

Then the woman gets frustrated because she just wanted to vent, not be told what to do!

You're right though, it's something to be accepted by both sides. Part of the great mystery of men and women, all those differences and we still like each other. Generally.

Sue Pa Key Pa

Candie wrote: »

Women tell men about a problem and they instantly go into the 'fix' mode. They see an issue presented to them as something to be solved and lay on the advice/instructions.

Then the woman gets frustrated because she just wanted to vent, not be told what to do!
)

Yiz is too complicated altogether

Sue Pa Key Pa

Sue Pa Key Pa wrote: »

Yiz is too complicated altogether

I just said you have to do less, not more - all you have to do is listen with an empathetic expression on your face, you can be thinking about transfer deadlines* or anything else you want!

Jeez, some people are never happy.


*Expression I heard my dad use that appears to be important to men.

Widdershins

She wants reassurance. I'd suggest being more enthusiastic when you compliment but also be honest when you're just not keen on something.

Dr Turk Turkelton

Had the same sort of problem a couple of weeks ago Op,nothing much happening in the bedroom lately so the wife asked me to go to the doctor and see about erection pills.
Long story short I went and seen the doctor and he gave me a prescription so I went to the chemist and got it filled.
Came home and gave them to her and she flipped out at me cause the doctor prescribed diet pills for her.
Feic trying to make her happy from now on.

Widdershins

Candie wrote: »

Women tell men about a problem and they instantly go into the 'fix' mode. They see an issue presented to them as something to be solved and lay on the advice/instructions.

Then the woman gets frustrated because she just wanted to vent, not be told what to do!

You're right though, it's something to be accepted by both sides. Part of the great mystery of men and women, all those differences and we still like each other. Generally.

I love it when my boyfriend fixes a problem or at least sees a new angle. I can then put it out of my mind. He on the other hand prefers a bit of a whinge and feels better after it, leaving my head reeling with worry. Time for two sex changes?

Widdershins

Widdershins wrote: »

I love it when my boyfriend fixes a problem or at least sees a new angle. I can then put it out of my mind. He on the other hand prefers a bit of a whinge and feels better after it, leaving my head reeling with worry. Time for two sex changes?

Ah it's a generalization, it doesn't apply to everyone.

I don't do the venting thing much, when I do I usually know what action I'm going to take anyway, but sometimes it nice to have your thoughts validated.

Widdershins

Candie wrote: »

Ah it's a generalization, it doesn't apply to everyone.

I don't do the venting thing much, when I do I usually know what action I'm going to take anyway, but sometimes it nice to have your thoughts validated.

Hahaha I know, this one always amuses me. What you said is true in my experience. I've dated women and I just drift off in a world of my own and that seems to be the key to being a good listener. I can be quite good at advice too, though. It's just not often wanted, because women do seem to just need to get things off their chest.

Incidentally, I'm wondering if OP gets asked ''what are you thinking?'' in a ''penny for them?'' sort of way, a lot?

I'd be like ''huh? Oh..''*scrabble for acceptable response* '' (I might be thinking, '' oh,my fecking bootlace is undone again and it's been dragging through the puddles for the past ten minutes and it's now soaking wet and disgusting'' )

Widdershins

Widdershins wrote: »

Hahaha I know, this one always amuses me. What you said is true in my experience. I've dated women and I just drift off in a world of my own and that seems to be the key to being a good listener. I can be quite good at advice too, though. It's just not often wanted, because women do seem to just need to get things off their chest.

I'm great at giving advice, useless at taking it from anyone but a few family members.

s4uv3

If I genuinely don't know whether something looks good on me or I look like a bag of shyte, I have two particular friends that I'll ask. And they'll have no problem saying "nuh uh, state of it". So if they tell me I look deadly, I know it's true.
As for asking my fella just to fish for compliments, that'd be a fairly pointless endeavour :pac:

Junkyard Tom

I cut my own hair last week and it looked terrible. My Sister said 'your hair looks terrible' - I said 'I know yeah'.

Fin.

Widdershins

Junkyard Tom wrote: »

I cut my own hair last week and it looked terrible. My Sister said 'your hair looks terrible' - I said 'I know yeah'.

Fin.

Did you have a run-in with a lawnmower?

Richard Hillman

It's the equivalent of a Lioness clawing and Fighting with a Lion before she is impressed enough to mate with her.

The female wants to have a fight with you to test your suitability to protect her and her young. Obviously normal people do not do physical violence like the Lion, so the female is sketching out your verbal prowess for the purpose of protecting her and her child.

Junkyard Tom

Widdershins wrote: »

Did you have a run-in with a lawnmower?

I used a #1 instead of a #2 on the back and sides and went too far up on the left-hand-side so, yeah, it looked like I had a run-in with a lawnmower.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I'd trust my mans opinion over one of the girls. If it came down to it and he said it looked bad, I'd take his word for it

pickarooney

It's fierce tricky when you like a big arse and try to pay a compliment.

Senna

I'm with my wife 16 years now and about 2 years ago I started to actually give her my opinion when she asked me about a dress or shoes etc. (up until that point it was always, yeah sure looks great....), but she said she really wanted me to tell her as her sister had moved to Australia and it was her that normally answered the questions.
So first time, we're heading our for the night, she comes down with a black dress and then a red dress, I say, I really prefer the red dress, she says OK. 30 minutes later taxi arrives and she's wearing the black dress.
Few weeks later, same again, green dress then blue dress, I say definitely the blue one is better, 30 minutes later she arrives down in the green one.
So you can see a pattern here, this continues again and again, it was a running joke and kind of insulting.
So now I'm back to my normal manly ways, "that's nice honey" , "yeah that looks great" , "sure honey agree 100%......what are we talking about again?".
Women are nut jobs and any man attempting to understand is even more nuts.

Wibbs

Senna wrote: »

Women are nut jobs and any man attempting to understand is even more nuts.

That to me is a defeatist take on things, never mind an incredibly generalised one. EB summed up much of it IMH

Ronald Wailing Powder wrote: »

Running the risk of giving an actual answer to a rhetorical question, but women do tend towards indirect communication compared to men. There are things implied in questions, subtleties presumed understood etc. Right now I know my granny is annoyed at an aunt of mine, and I know that because my granny gave me a scarf the last time I called to visit her (really).

You can ask and ask til the cows come home "why can't they be different", but honestly you're better off just accepting what should be blindingly obvious if you've been around women at all in your adult life.


And it goes both ways, women can get frustrated with the fact that men are usually more direct communicators and just try and complain them into changing rather than adjusting how they communicate - i.e. he's probably not going to be able to interpret your cold mood as "I should empty the dishwasher".

"Accepted wisdom" is usually like a red rag to a bull to me, so upon hearing the "men can't understand women" guff early on, I endeavoured to call ballsology on that. And in short order found it to be mostly nonsense and/or a way to absolve someone of actually trying.

This goes both ways too BTW. Yes there can be subtle differences as EB points out, but I have found in many cases it tends to be people playing to the gallery of stereotype. It can also be relationship contextual. IE I have found women mates go in for this "difference" stuff far less than girlfriends are prone to.

As for a guy being fully understanding? I have found this is often a hiding to nothing. For some women they may complain, but actually revel in the perceived differences(and vice versa). It's in the emotional "conflict" of sorts, the shifting emotional dynamic that they find more comfort and even excitement. Otherwise a romantic relationship can start to smell like a friendship. I have found men tend to prefer emotional stasis, "knowing where they stand" as a general thing. Again men may often complain about the shifting emotions, but actually prefer it overall. Hence the "ah sure women be crazy" stuff. If either party didn't like it, they would leave and few would stay together.

pablo128

Never try to understand a woman. Women understand other women, and most of the time they feckin hate each other!:pac:

Wibbs

Ahhh.. the Al Bundy meme. Up there with the Monroe guff about if you can't take me at my worst…(NB nigh on always a sign of a PITA).

MilesMorales1

Ronald Wailing Powder wrote: »

Running the risk of giving an actual answer to a rhetorical question, but women do tend towards indirect communication compared to men. There are things implied in questions, subtleties presumed understood etc. Right now I know my granny is annoyed at an aunt of mine, and I know that because my granny gave me a scarf the last time I called to visit her (really).

You can ask and ask til the cows come home "why can't they be different", but honestly you're better off just accepting what should be blindingly obvious if you've been around women at all in your adult life.


And it goes both ways, women can get frustrated with the fact that men are usually more direct communicators and just try and complain them into changing rather than adjusting how they communicate - i.e. he's probably not going to be able to interpret your cold mood as "I should empty the dishwasher".

Direct communication is much simpler though :pac:

lazybones32

To say the woman is asking you, means you get to see her naked (no friend or relative will ask you whether they look nice or like a hippo): always say that what she's wearing makes you want to tear it off her and ravage her.
You'll either get sex everytime or she'll stop asking.

Widdershins

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

Direct communication is much simpler though :pac:

Yes. Why dance around what you mean. Weird!