Moral quandary.

LegacyUser

Also, she has been looking for a job, and more earnestly since Christmas, and the only possibility was sales door-to-door with Phonewatch, and that would be more or less useless for her, she has no commercial sense.
You do need experience for pub or restaurant work apparently now! She has never even found baby-sitting jobs, our area is not good for it at all.

Glitter

Op, bright kids do stupid things.
I was the model Little Miss Perfect until I was about 15.
Then I went pure mad for a year or two, rebellious nonsense all over the place, drinking, smoking, lying about who I was with and when, even not coming home for days on end once. I was a horror show and my parents were worried sick. I still feel guilty now and again about it all and I'm 35 now!
But then I leveled out and calmed down again in my Leaving Cert year.
Like a storm had passed.
Sometimes teenage hormones just send you haywire for a bit.
If this is the worst of it, it's really not too bad in the long run.

Big Bag of Chips

Bothered. wrote: »

As I was saying, she is already very ' cool' and self-assured.....

...I think she was very stupid, and it worries me for her future. Will she do some things just because she is asked, just to please, without really thinking the ramifications through?

We would encourage her to always think of the consequences of her actions. Is this just a silly mistake or does it show her fundamental naivety?

To be honest, the above 3 posts could describe almost any other teenager in the country! Very few 18 year olds, whilst maintaining an outward appearance of cool and self-confidence, really are!! Very few teenagers are self assured and certain of themselves. Peer pressure and wanting to appear popular cannot be discounted at that age. Yes, it shows a fundamental naivety, but at 18 she supposed have that!! She's not worldly wise. She might be sensible, and well brought up, but she is still little more than a school child with little or no life experience.... But she does have ID

She's 18. She's struggling with not quite being a teenager and not quite being an adult. I don't think you have too much to worry about with regards her future. She's still growing up. One day she'll get there!

I'd have been more disappointed by the fact she was doing it for free more or less rather than trying to make money from it than from her selling it in the first place.

Ferrari3600

I'm inclined to agree with those who say the OP is not over-reacting.

There is plenty of research that indicates that those who start regularly drinking before the age of 21 are more likely to develop problematic relationships with alcohol.

I know in this country it is considered normal to start drinking in fields from the age of 15 or so, but it really isn't something that should be encouraged.

Eimee90

This is where the problem is. No wonder we have such a problem with alcohol in this country. Its not good enough to say they all do it sure or sure 16 not 14 is better.

You're not going to stop all kids drinking underage. But people should at least admit there's a problem with it and its not ok.

Op. If you have spoken with her and she has stopped. Trust her and give her a chance. Was a foolish move on her part so hopefully she has learnt from it.

BattleCorp

Only seeing this thread now.

Personally I don't think the OP has over-reacted.

Her daughter is 18 so therefore legally an adult. Supplying alcohol to minors is a criminal offence. Anybody who thinks that the offence of supplying alcohol to minors is a misdemeanor and wouldn't be prosecuted is deluded. All it takes is one complaint from one parent and the Gardaí will have to act.

Next point. Background checks. If someone wants to go into certain fields such as social work, working with minors etc. they need background checks. I think a conviction for supplying alcohol to minors could prevent them getting Garda clearance to work with minors.

Look, it's not murder, it's not drug dealing. It's probably something most of us have done in the past on a small scale but, if prosecuted, could make a difference to the OP's daughter's career.

OP, you've spoken to your daughter. Voiced your displeasure. Hopefully corrected her actions so that she understands the consequences and won't do it again. What more can you do? You can't keep on punishing her. Time to move on.

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meeeeh

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That is all grand and rosy until someone lands in hospital with alcohol poisoning or falls, gets hit by a car or similar. Judging by the amounts supplied it would be possible. I wouldn't be happy if my child did it for profit but supplying that much alcohol for nothing is sheer stupidity and certainly not something I would be ignore.

Also we all did stupid things when young but as a parent I certainly wouldn't want my kids to repeat the same mistakes.

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BattleCorp

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See below, it's from the OP's opening post. €150 in one go.

I found out about 2 weeks ago, by chance (she had left her Facebook page open on my computer), that she has been buying large quantities of alcohol weekly, to purvey it to her sibling's friends, who are 15/16, for about 5 months. By large I mean up to 150 Euro at one go, needing her boyfriend's help to carry them etc. He has been involved in this, he is two years older, but I do not think he started it.

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BattleCorp

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Once the adult hands over the drink, she has no control over how many people drink it and over what time frame. She has still committed the exact same offence no matter what timeframe the drink is being consumed. I know it's not murder but it could have serious consequences for her career path should she be prosecuted. A conviction for supplying drink to minors wouldn't go down well if she was applying for a job that involved the care of minors etc. And nobody here can guarantee that she wouldn't be prosecuted.

Whether the kids are selling the drink on themselves makes no difference to the original offence of providing alcohol to minors.

If I was convicted of supplying drink to minors, it wouldn't affect my career in the slightest as I don't need Garda clearance for my line of work. Others though might not be so lucky.

Look, the girl has had her scolding, it's been pointed out that it's wrong and hopefully she's learned from it and won't do it in the future.

pilly

Bothered. wrote: »

Thanks again for the answers.
First of all, she has stopped doing it for more than two weeks, and will not do it again, I am sure.
I am also fairly sure it was not for profit, she is clueless about money (and maths!) and has very few expenses. The maximum she would have got is 10 € from a big order I'd say.
Second, she was certainly not doing it for popularity. As I was saying, she is already very ' cool' and self-assured.
Also, these kids are friends of her sibling, that's how she knows them, they were in the same school. They are 16-17. Apparently they were quite a few at those parties.
She is not a regular drinker herself (and we are not either), but supervised moderate drinking was not forbidden for her at parties etc. from when she was 16... I wouldn't be happy though providing drink to underage kids at our home without their parents' express consent.
I am not extremely straight-laced, but I am interested in my children having good ethics, especially since we are quite open-minded and liberal in many ways.
I didn't go over the top, and she doesn't really think I massively overacted. Just that at the time she didn't think and didn't see it as a big deal.
The main reasons why it was a fairly big deal for me, and comes back to the front of my mind every few days since, is that I think she was very stupid, and it worries me for her future. Will she do some things just because she is asked, just to please, without really thinking the ramifications through?
We would encourage her to always think of the consequences of her actions. Is this just a silly mistake or does it show her fundamental naivety?
Another thing worrying me is that her boyfriend helped her in this activity, rather than telling her it was silly to do something illegal and fairly dangerous like that. He doesn't seem to have great moral fiber either, and he is 2 years older.
The main thing I'm retaining from all of this is that my expectations for her behavior are too high, and therefore I am disappointed. Though I know teenagers in general very well (and her in particular), and expect some ridiculous behavior, and it is far from the first time I am confronted by it, I am still shocked!

Okay, what stood out for me here is they're 16-17 now, earlier it was 15-16, there is a huge difference.

Anyone I knew at 17 was drinking and when I was 18 I certainly would have bought drink for them.

Think about it, someone who is 17 could be 18 tomorrow.

It's what teenagers do.

Not sure why someone would be doing it on a large scale though if there wasn't much money in it.

A lot of your posts OP are about it being a small town and reputation. This can be hard for a teenager to put up with it. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on her to be an angel? You mention in one post that everyone thinks she's perfect. This can lead a teenager to really rebel at some stage.

Luckily it's only drink in this case and hopefully she has learnt her lesson but do try not to put too much pressure on her. We all make mistakes at that age and learn from them.

LegacyUser

Hi and thanks.
I first thought the lads were 15-16 because that's my daughter's age (the sibling who is in their class, Transition Year), but she told me they were more 16-17. I can't be sure. Same about numbers of drinkers.
I am not concerned about my daughter's reputation per se, more her study and career prospects... It is not such a small town, but I know the parents quite well ,and they are in positions where they could have an input into her professional future.
I am not putting pressure on her to be perfect, I know well she isn't, and can't be, it's her loving wider family who think she is. Even though they should know nobody is.
Anyway, I am not too worried she will repeat this mistake, so we can close the thread... Until the next misbehavior!