guests who haven't RSVP'd

arayess

Asking for a non boards friend

some people haven't RSVP'd to the wedding - the RSVP date is 2 months past and it's 6 weeks to go to the day.
There are a few non-responders to the invite.
He is a big believer in manners and decorum and feels (i agree too) that he should chase people who didn't bother replying to the invite.

At the weekend we were wondering over a few beers what if these non- responders showed up.
there are 6/8 in total.

I'm sure the venue would cater for the extra.
Although he was of the opinion that somebody ( me!) would approach them - you never RSVP'd ....sorry not sorry. ....but there is no meal for you.

just wondering if anybody here ever had unexpected or non responders turn up at their wedding?

pm1977x

Just drop them a text to check if they're coming or not, no need to make a big drama out of it.

duffman13

arayess wrote: »

Asking for a non boards friend

some people haven't RSVP'd to the wedding - the RSVP date is 2 months past and it's 6 weeks to go to the day.
There are a few non-responders to the invite.
He is a big believer in manners and decorum and feels (i agree too) that he should chase people who didn't bother replying to the invite.

At the weekend we were wondering over a few beers what if these non- responders showed up.
there are 6/8 in total.

I'm sure the venue would cater for the extra.
Although he was of the opinion that somebody ( me!) would approach them - you never RSVP'd ....sorry not sorry. ....but there is no meal for you.

just wondering if anybody here ever had unexpected or non responders turn up at their wedding?

Well it's not your job to approach the person on the day and say oh we've no meal. It's an unnecessary awkwardness and will leave a bad taste in the mouth. Call or text the guests just to say you need final numbers and they haven't RSVP. Say it's no problem if they can't make it just the hotel are putting pressure on for final numbers

Del2005

Can you not contact them to see if they are coming? A text or email saying that the hotel are looking to finalise numbers and you think that their RSVP got lost.

Some people need more work than a baby, generally the ones who complain the most.

Big Bag of Chips

Some of our friends didn't RSVP but we knew they were coming. It was only a year or two later when they were getting married themselves that they apologised and said they never realised how frustrating it was to not get RSVPs.

missvicky

Had the same problem for my own wedding so sent out a text gently reminding that the date had passed some responded some did not and guess what? The few that did not respond to the text showed up and they were politley told there was no meal but they were more than welcome to the afters needless to say it did not go down well and caused somewhat of a scene. Looking back now I wonder what all the fuss was about, if people can't be bothered to show a bit of manners and reply then so be it.

Big Bag of Chips

I would ring/text the few who haven't RSVP'd and ask them. Sometimes people intend to send the RSVP and it just gets put to the side and forgotten. No need to make a thing out of it. Then if someone doesn't get back to you and show up on the day, a table plan should sort out who has a seat and who doesn't. If you think somebody is likely to show up after not RSVPing contact them directly and get a direct answer.

After that all you can do is tell the hotel if someone shows up that aren't on the table plans then they should explain to them that they hadn't let the couple know they were coming. The hotel will deal with it on the day. Not you.

c6ysaphjvqw41k

This post has been deleted.

stargazer 68

Send them a text - sorry you can't make the wedding - hope to see you at another event! Will soon sort them out!
But seriously people forget - I thought he posted, I thought she posted it etc. Maybe they did reply and it got lost
Just call or text and check.

cruizer101

People should remember to send back but to be fair it is easy enough thing to forget. Send a text and see, if there is still no response then I wouldn't see too much of an issue with putting them down as no's and not having meal, but I would at lease send the text and not just go by the lack of RSVP don't forget some could have genuinely got lost in post.

SarahMollie

Firstly, I wouldnt let anyone tell me that I had to go out to their guests at a wedding and tell them "you didnt rsvp so no meal for you!"

That would make you about as popular as a traffic warden, and no way should your friend put you in that position.

Secondly, yes people are a bit annoying about confirming things, but to then exclude them from a wedding rather than send a few texts to chase would be making a massive mountain out of a molehill. Your friend would generate such ill will just for the sake of being right.

Big Bag of Chips

arayess wrote: »

just wondering if anybody here ever had unexpected or non responders turn up at their wedding?

My friend had neighbours turn up who weren't even invited!

Just after reading SarahMollie's reply, I see you are not the one getting married. I missed that bit! Absolutely nothing to do with you. The groom, or bride should send a few texts. 6 or 8 people.. 3 or 4 couples?

I know organising a wedding can be stressful but it seems like he's cutting off his nose to spite his face. And trying to unnecessarily drag others (you) into the drama of it. I also agree that a lot of people give verbal RSVPs, sometimes to other family members!! And some people, close friends, assume that you know they're going.

stargazer 68

arayess wrote: »

I'm sure the venue would cater for the extra.
Although he was of the opinion that somebody ( me!) would approach them - you never RSVP'd ....sorry not sorry. ....but there is no meal for you.

?

Just saw that bit too! Tell him to do his own dirty work

arayess

SarahMollie wrote: »

Firstly, I wouldnt let anyone tell me that I had to go out to their guests at a wedding and tell them "you didnt rsvp so no meal for you!"

That would make you about as popular as a traffic warden, and no way should your friend put you in that position.

Secondly, yes people are a bit annoying about confirming things, but to then exclude them from a wedding rather than send a few texts to chase would be making a massive mountain out of a molehill. Your friend would generate such ill will just for the sake of being right.

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

My friend had neighbours turn up who weren't even invited!

Just after reading SarahMollie's reply, I see you are not the one getting married. I missed that bit! Absolutely nothing to do with you. The groom, or bride should send a few texts. 6 or 8 people.. 3 or 4 couples?

I know organising a wedding can be stressful but it seems like he's cutting off his nose to spite his face. And trying to unnecessarily drag others (you) into the drama of it. I also agree that a lot of people give verbal RSVPs, sometimes to other family members!! And some people, close friends, assume that you know they're going.

Dovies wrote: »

Just saw that bit too! Tell him to do his own dirty work

i'm the best man and I have no issue of approaching it to them if they arrive.
they are nothing to me (people I kinda know but not friends of mine) and personally I kinda agree with the groom that they are rude.
As for me doing his dirty work - it's his day....that type of "point of order" stuff shouldn't be in his remit on that day.. I'm quite ok with it

tbh chances are they aren't coming - 2 of them are lads who never responded to the stag invite either.
odd I know (given the story ) but there has been no falling out in the past.

was just booze related "what if" ...not end of the world stuff.

forumuser

Part of the problem might be the RSVP date being 3 months before the wedding? Some people may not know at that stage if they can make it. As it's only 6 weeks away now I think it would be fine to just drop a text to the non-responders to confirm if they can make it. As a previous poster said - no need to make a drama of it.

AlanG

You should just text them and ask. Personally I think 14 weeks before hand is way too far out to put on the RSVP so I am not surprised that people haven't responded. The usual I have seen is 4 to 6 weeks before the day for RSVP replies. Save the date notices are usually used to give longer notice.

Big Bag of Chips

I think giving out about these people, and putting plans in place 6 weeks before the day on how to handle them if they turn up without notice is all a little over dramatic when it can be easily solved by contacting them. Final numbers are usually only given to the hotel a week or 2 before the wedding with wiggle room for plus or minus a few!

I'm assuming if they are invited to his wedding, that he, or the bride, or either set of parents know them fairly well. Easier to just ring them to check. Rather than plan to cause a scene on the day by turning them away.

Ginny

Jeez, tell him to pick his battles, there are plenty more things to be worrying about around a wedding. Drop the people who haven't rsvpd a text.

arayess

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I think giving out about these people, and putting plans in place 6 weeks before the day on how to handle them if they turn up without notice is all a little over dramatic when it can be easily solved by contacting them. Final numbers are usually only given to the hotel a week or 2 before the wedding with wiggle room for plus or minus a few!

I'm assuming if they are invited to his wedding, that he, or the bride, or either set of parents know them fairly well. Easier to just ring them to check. Rather than plan to cause a scene on the day by turning them away.

i know your post is sincere and made with the best of intention but I've tried to point out that it was a chat we had over a few beers...not "putting plans in place 6 weeks etc..." which sounds as you say dramatic

I take the point on the 3 months RSVP date...although I do know the hotel want number 6 weeks before so I can assume they wanted to allow for late RSVP folk.

anyway I'll pass on the thread view ...was just interested in hearing any previous experiences.

thanks

Big Bag of Chips

Yeah but the fact this even came up in conversation, and that that (loose) plan was that you would tell people there was no place for them is a bit silly.

The conversation should have gone

Him: We haven't heard back from John, Tom or Bob whether they're coming or not.
You: Really. I wonder are they going and forgot to reply?
Him: Maybe. I better give them a shout before giving the numbers to the hotel, I suppose. Do you want another pint?
You: Yeah, go on.

That's it!

Hotels want general numbers about 6 weeks in advance, so they know how many staff to get on and how much food to order in. The final final number is usually given the week before the wedding which is usually not too far off the previous number given. And then even on the day there can be plus or minus a couple if something happens.

wuffly

It's a pain and most people don't get it until they are in the same boat themselves. I don't see why they would bother inviting people if they can't be bothered to give them a quick call or a text to see if they are coming, no response after that fair enough. A friend of mine who was doing a reading at our wedding, asked if he had to send and rsvp(after a reminder), told him yes he's a grown up and its a life lesson. Understood when he got married himself.
Also two people's invites went missing in the post and didn't know they were invited until we followed up with them. To be honest, one really pissed me off as he was the only person my parents pushed me to invite(distant-ish relative), so I made them follow up, his invite hadn't shown up, he was thrilled to be invited honestly one of the happiest people there on the day! So you never know.

lainey316

Contact them.  We had two RSVPs (4 people) that got lost in the post.

forumuser

wuffly wrote: »

A friend of mine who was doing a reading at our wedding, asked if he had to send and rsvp(after a reminder), told him yes he's a grown up and its a life lesson.

A life lesson - seriously! If he'd confirmed he was doing the reading surely that was enough to confirm his attendance?

freshpopcorn

forumuser wrote: »

A life lesson - seriously! If he'd confirmed he was doing the reading surely that was enough to confirm his attendance?

My thoughts as well. I wonder did the bridesmaids/grooms men have to RSVP!

wuffly

Love that asking my friend to behave like a grown up seems to rub so many people up the wrong way? He asked me if he needed to and i said he yes! Why should he be different from everyone else we invited or other guests that were taking part? We organised our wedding from abroad and invited over 200 people. All he had to do was tick a few boxes on a piece of card, pop it in a pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope and pass a post box at some point over a 6 week period. I hardly waterboarded him to do or asked him to sacrifice his first born! Its just good manners, is that really such a bad thing?? My sister in law very kindly offered to handle the rsvp's as we live in a country with no residential post. So yes the actual rsvp's were important for us. He said himself afterwards he was a twat for asking and not just doing it.

My point was why would you invite someone to your wedding if you can't be bothered to follow up with them either to confirm directly or ask them to send the RSVP.

JustAThought

your friend could send another second invite with a friendly note asking if they recieved it & asking if they are coming - decirum retained. Or could write a letter with a reminder asking if they are ciming - the first is kinder & implies it was never recieved & leaves scope for less bad blood. Tbh some people have goid intentions but are under pressure & sime just firget - bearing in mind when they got it we were probably in the run up to Christmas madness, folliwed by Christmas & the new year & now all the Trump madness. Easier to just text & put a cut iff point for reying - if we havn't heard by x we will know you can't make it! Won't leave you hanging again & stops awkredness or meal rage on the day! I appreciate s/he is probably livid but people do have other worries & stressed out lives & a reply may not be most important thing in their diary of must-do's. People might also be waiting on confirmation from managers for days off or simply to see if they can get a hotel /local deal & be able to afford it.

wuffly

freshpopcorn wrote: »

My thoughts as well. I wonder did the bridesmaids/grooms men have to RSVP!

We had one bridesmaid and one best man and yes they did rsvp... again no waterboarding or child sacrifices required.

Robineen

forumuser wrote: »

Part of the problem might be the RSVP date being 3 months before the wedding? Some people may not know at that stage if they can make it. As it's only 6 weeks away now I think it would be fine to just drop a text to the non-responders to confirm if they can make it. As a previous poster said - no need to make a drama of it.

My thoughts too, that is a very early RSVP date! It's usually six weeks to a month before.

6-8 people is not very many, people can forget to RSVP. Being busy, more pressing things going on in their lives, not checking the RSVP date. Just text them, no need for drama.

Ferm001

Why not get Best man / Bridesmaid to contact depending on side. They can explain they are trying to take some hassle of the bride/groom by organizing the this.

D3V!L

I'm getting married in August and decided to give 3 months notice because of people arranging holidays etc.

How much time should I give for the RSVP after sending the invite. We set a date 3 weeks after it was sent and so far only got about 30% confirming.

Big Bag of Chips

Asking people in March to commit to something in August might be difficult. It's not just holidays that could be happening. People with children could have all sorts of stuff going on over the summer.

You will always have changes anyway. Someone who RSVPs yes, might become a no the week before. Someone who doesn't answer now because they're unsure might be able to make it when the time comes. 6 weeks before the date is usually the cut off for RSVP to give guideline numbers to the hotel, with the final numbers being given the week before. General numbers and final numbers could be plus or minus 10 or so. So it doesn't make a huge difference for food ordered in, but will make a difference for food prepared on the day

Bacchus

D3V!L wrote: »

I'm getting married in August and decided to give 3 months notice because of people arranging holidays etc.

How much time should I give for the RSVP after sending the invite. We set a date 3 weeks after it was sent and so far only got about 30% confirming.

When did you send them? 3 months notice implies you sent them this week (and are getting married the first week of August) but you've got a third of the RSVPs back so I'm inclined to think you sent them out a week or two ago (so pushing on 4 months notice)

As Big Bag of Chips mentioned, that's quite early to be sending out invites and I'd be inclined to think that a lot of people saw the date and immediately went... "that's ages away, I've loads of time to get back to them" and forgot all about it. The RSVP deadline will mean little to most, if they even noticed it.

As for what you can do about it? Not much unless you want to start hassling your guests for a reply 3 months ahead of the wedding. You should probably wait until about 6-8 weeks ahead of the wedding date to start chasing people up who haven't replied. Don't worry though, it's not a reflection on people's willingness to attend, it's just plain old putting something on the long finger. You'll probably see the RSVPs trickle in over the next few months as the little light bulbs go off in peoples heads that they never replied to you.