Is she over reacting?

KwackerJack

I met a girl last February. Starting dating and now we're living together and expecting.

At the start things were great but now no matter what I say or do she has an opinion!!

For example, we live together and spend every evening together and most weekend yet if I'm heading to a mates or off somewhere its a big WHY with attitude and why don't you want to spend tine with me!! A good friend asked me to go to Poland with him to his home town to bring his motorbike back, I kindly refused as considering she is expecting (12 weeks) I'd stay home just in case anything were to happen.

In conversation it came up that he asked me, right I got the WHY with a diva attitude and a face to finish it off. I explained that it was just a trip to get a bike, its what lads do yet I may as well have sad I'm going to a strip club

Again I got the why don't you wanna spend tine with me speech!!

I do not see my friends as much as I use to and now I'm actually afraid to say I've been asked out or say I want to go somewhere.

I've explained I'm not happy about this and all get is "well go if your not happy I'll be fine on my own"

So do I stay and live by her rules or leave and not be afraid to see my own friends or have some me time

tomwaterford

Run far and run fast.....
Deos she have no friwmds of her own that she needs you about the whole time

eviltwin

Has she always been like this or is it just since the pregnancy?

KwackerJack

Always like this....well before pregnancy but not when wr met first. Maybe 3 months after

She has friends but wouldn't see them as much as I'd see mine

beertons

Leave. Sounds like a complete head melter.

holy guacamole

Met her less than a year ago and have already moved in together with a baby on the way? That's your main problem right there; it takes a lot longer than a few months to get to know a person and the crazy side doesn't usually fully reveal itself until a year in.

But yeah the fact you say you're afraid to tell her you've been asked out somewhere is proof enough that it's time to go, sounds like you're already fairly pussywhipped and it's only going to get worse.

eeguy

KwackerJack wrote: »

I've explained I'm not happy about this and all get is "well go if your not happy I'll be fine on my own"

So do I stay and live by her rules or leave and not be afraid to see my own friends or have some me time

Tell her you are happy, but you don't want to live in each others pockets and you want to make time for your own social circle. You don't have to leave her, you just need to lay some ground rules and stick to them. If she doesn't like them tell her that she knows where the door is.

My new rule of dating is to meet a girl who has plenty of friends.
If a girl has no friends then I'm not going to be her only social outlet.

eviltwin

KwackerJack wrote: »

Always like this....well before pregnancy but not when wr met first. Maybe 3 months after

She has friends but wouldn't see them as much as I'd see mine

You need to set boundaries and stop letting her control you. She will milk the pregnancy now to get you to stay but you have to have your space. Tell her that you are going to be seeing your friends every week, encourage her to do the same.

KwackerJack

eeguy wrote: »

Tell her you are happy, but you don't want to live in each others pockets and you want to make time for your own social circle. You don't have to leave her, you just need to lay some ground rules and stick to them. If she doesn't like them tell her that she knows where the door is.

My new rule of dating is to meet a girl who has plenty of friends.
If a girl has no friends then I'm not going to be her only social outlet.

I've tried to explain that, I get the whole your not respecting me speech and that I'm no1 and everyone else is 2nd!!

Most times I'm just speechless and give in

theteal

So how many rabbits can she fit in the pot?

tomwaterford

KwackerJack wrote: »

I've tried to explain that, I get the whole your not respecting me speech and that I'm no1 and everyone else is 2nd!!

Most times I'm just speechless and give in

Hmm....why not say to her...you wanna see your friends now......

as you may not have time after the kid comes along

eviltwin

KwackerJack wrote: »

I've tried to explain that, I get the whole your not respecting me speech and that I'm no1 and everyone else is 2nd!!

Most times I'm just speechless and give in

You can't blame her if you give in. Start saying no, don't make a discussion out of it. If anything happens she has your number. It's a pity she doesn't seem to want to get out herself but that's hardly your fault.

Wesser

How old are you?

I think your main poblem here is that she is pregnant.
Ideally a couple should know eachother r for many years before this comes along.
Now it is harder to leave her and if you do you will have to pay maintainence etc.
You need to get help here ie counselling otherwise you will begin to resent her.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

There are a lot of red flags here, you need to take it seriously. A lot of abusive relationships start like this and it's not behaviour that fixes itself, it's behaviour that escalates. You're already losing your social network to a certain extent and you're afraid to have certain conversations with your partner. Not healthy, not good.

If it wasn't for the pregnancy (unplanned, I'd guess, on your part anyway?) my advice would be cut and run but that's not an option anymore. You have got to stop giving in because you end up speechless or want a quiet life. Stand your ground, keep calm. Any chance she'd agree to couple's counselling?

In six months or so she's going to have the ultimate trump card - access to your child. She sounds like a manipulative controlling person, really try and get this sorted before then.

Max Powers

Baby on way, your 're a grown up now, have a sit down conversation with the woman carrying your baby, honest open conversation.ignore stupid childish comments about running, too early for looking for easy exit.plus get it into your head if not already, baby changes everything, especially your free time to see pals.second you see that baby, your mates will be a lot less important.

eeguy

KwackerJack wrote: »

I've tried to explain that, I get the whole your not respecting me speech and that I'm no1 and everyone else is 2nd!!

Most times I'm just speechless and give in

That's your problem. You're giving into this womans every whim. You don't have to leave her, you just need to stand your ground and get her to respect your decision. At the end of the day you're coming home to hop into bed beside her, so it's not like you're gone for long.

I suppose she probably just doesn't want to be alone at all.

Stealthfins

Though call there.

My kid's mum started to melt my meld.

I made the decision to become a single weekend father,she wouldn't let me see my son for the first 6 months.
The going got tough but I got through it.

My son is now 16 and we've a great relationship, sometimes he tells me that I had a lucky escape,he loves his mum,I tell him it's unfair to slag her as she's his mum.
And I'd never condone him being disrespectful towards his mum.
She never changed apart from getting older.
Herself and her husband are nearly always fighting..

Anyhow things can only get better and it's up to you to make sure you don't end up being another miserable guy moping around shops on a Sunday, while you could be motorcycling along the wild Atlantic way with a biker chick wrapped around you.....

Tazium

Don't bolt.

Your partner is 'nesting', bearing your child and that causes havoc with hormones. Let's take a moment to be adult. Consider that you care and wanted to be with your partner. You did after all decide to move in together and were a party during the lovemaking that created your baby.

I don't know what it's like to carry a baby but I've been partner to women who do and it's not easy to be the only outlet that your partner has. Might I suggest some alternative approaches to 'run for the hills',

1. Pamper and make sure she knows that she has security in you. Uncertainty can be a reason for this pattern of behaviour.

2. Establish a common evening where you two are together for each other. Society has become focused on interaction in a technical medium. Be 'present in the moment'.

3. As an individual you need to find your own outlet, this is healthy and necessary and a grown up conversion in light of the previous points will demonstrate maturity and establish a normality, be that one night a week for you and your friends or more. Respecting that she is equally entitled to the same.

4. Brooding and concern of pregnant woman might be some form of projection of fear. If she thinks you'll be a 'boyo' out with your mates and leaving her to care for baby and take care of the household then she's likely to want to stake her own claim to some independence for herself. Be open and reasonable.

Just put yourself in her shoes and think for three.

If you can't resolve amicably then as the last poster mentioned you will need to consider not being together; as a father I'd encourage communication first and repeatedly. Regret is not something you want to carry into your future.

Sam Kade

KwackerJack wrote: »

Always like this....well before pregnancy but not when wr met first. Maybe 3 months after

She has friends but wouldn't see them as much as I'd see mine

KwackerJack, when she started acting like that you should have held back from the pregnancy thingy. You are setting your self up for a lifetime of misery, believe me.

KingBrian2

KwackerJack wrote: »

I met a girl last February. Starting dating and now we're living together and expecting.

At the start things were great but now no matter what I say or do she has an opinion!!

For example, we live together and spend every evening together and most weekend yet if I'm heading to a mates or off somewhere its a big WHY with attitude and why don't you want to spend tine with me!! A good friend asked me to go to Poland with him to his home town to bring his motorbike back, I kindly refused as considering she is expecting (12 weeks) I'd stay home just in case anything were to happen.

In conversation it came up that he asked me, right I got the WHY with a diva attitude and a face to finish it off. I explained that it was just a trip to get a bike, its what lads do yet I may as well have sad I'm going to a strip club

Again I got the why don't you wanna spend tine with me speech!!

I do not see my friends as much as I use to and now I'm actually afraid to say I've been asked out or say I want to go somewhere.

I've explained I'm not happy about this and all get is "well go if your not happy I'll be fine on my own"

So do I stay and live by her rules or leave and not be afraid to see my own friends or have some me time

If you like her stay simple as that. If she is gorgeous and you get on with her most of the time hell don't break up over some trivial issue like meeting old friends. Some guys would kill to get into a relationship you have. You can always reschedule with your friend to go to Poland.

neonsofa

KingBrian2 wrote: »

If you like her stay simple as that. If she is gorgeous and you get on with her most of the time hell don't break up over some trivial issue like meeting old friends. Some guys would kill to get into a relationship you have. You can always reschedule with your friend to go to Poland.

If meeting his friends is a trivial issue then she shouldn't be picking fights over it.

Op you can't put your whole life on hold for the nine months "just in case". I get being there for her and wanting to support her through the pregnancy but I have a feeling she is going to continue being possessive and every fight will end with her blaming things on the pregnancy and you will accept that because its your baby and you feel guilt/protective/obligated when she makes it about the baby.

And if you allow that to happen, the way things are going you will eventually be one of those fathers who is either in a relationship or separated from their childs mother, but is at the mother's beck and call "because of the child", your life will be in her control "for the child", you will be afraid to rock the boat in case she removes access or leaves you or whatever else and this will mean relationships with other women (if you guys separate), and possibly friends and family too, will suffer because you are still dedicated to your ex-"for the child". I've seen it happen time and time again.

Saying this as a single mother myself btw. I hate the stereotype of "crazy jealous ex baby mama" and all that crap but in this case unfortunately it does not look good for you if you keep giving it to her every time she makes it about the baby because then she will constantly use that card and it never expires because you will always share your child with her.

Sort out the possessive issues for what they are and don't allow them to be justified by the pregnancy. It's a slippery slope. Obviously hormones do come into play and you do need to be sensitive etc but you know in your gut what is acceptable or not.

Wibbs

KingBrian2 wrote: »

Some guys would kill to get into a relationship you have.

Then TBH I'd say to such guys; eh no, women are not exotic creatures, a prize worth being a doormat to, goddesses that must be venerated and placated at every turn so they bestow their blessings on you. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

Women, just like men are, or should be grown adults in a relationship as a partnership of equals. Any man, or woman for that matter, in a relationship where they're the junior partner living under emotional tantrums or threats is a man or woman looking down the barrel of a lifetime of ballsology.

If she is gorgeous

So what? Gorgeous alone is subjective, gorgeous is relatively common, gorgeous alone won't support you, nor make you content, nor make for a happy relationship. Oh and gorgeous wears off. I don't mean with age or any of that stuff, I mean you will get tired of it if she's being a pain in the arse. The OP is smack dab in the middle of the honeymoon period. A phase where in my humble it's a very very bad plan to make such life changing decisions as having a kid. Plus if she's coming out with this in this early phase of things, wait until it wears off(if it hasn't already for her).

BrianG23

Sad story. If she was like this since month 3 you shoulda left then. Don't be that guy where your child grows up around you and your mother having a pissing contest every week over the stupidest crap. I was that kid. Parents never got the common sense to move on from each other its crazy. How disrepectful is that to your partner "Its my way or get out" simply because you want to see your friends.

Needy, controlling, insecure. Thats what she is. Are you still in love with her or do you just feel sorry for her? This is the type of **** we were all trying to get zcorpian to avoid the other day but we'll see how that goes.

You have 3 options -

1: Continue with it as it is. Let her moan at you, don't speak up. You will eventually become depressed and hate her. Very bad for a child.

2: Stand up to her, get your own way, tell her that **** isn't on and she can't give out to you over her own insecurities. If she tells you to leave you ****ing get up and leave. She needs to be sent a message, what shes doing is plain old WRONG.

3: You leave her now. Get on with life, find someone and have the experience to spot this type of carry on early. Don't move in so quick, use condoms. Take it easy.

Your're biggest issue is shes pregnant. If she wasn't i'd tell you to get the **** out and never look back. But, i'd choose option 2 first in your case. Try it. Option 1 will really leave you into a stereotypical Irish relationship(From what i've seen everyones married too young on my road and half of them are split up or else should have split a loong time ago)

Fyi, the girl I am currently with, encourages me to go out with friends, she doesn't have any of her own either because shes shy. That doesn't make her an unreasonable ****. She understands.

Theres no excuse for treating your partner like a personal possession. You are not hers.

silverharp

OP, was the pregnancy planned? it seems very rash to decide to have a baby after 7 odd months from the day you met?

cantdecide

I think I was on my way to being in this kind of relationship once. I was up to my neck in the stress of work and study (never bringing it into the relationship) but she was more concerned about what I should be for her. In the end, I felt like a service provider and not a human being.

I was never one for getting into big rows- I believe in discussion, negotiation and the power of calmly having your way (assuming you can be believe you're being fair) rather than giving in to outright skirmishes. I now realise that some people just communicate through conflict and I have absolutely no interest in that.

BrianG23

cantdecide wrote: »

I think I was on my way to being in this kind of relationship once. In the end, I felt like a service provider and not a human being. I was up to my neck in the stress of work and study (never bringing it into the relationship) but she was more concerned about what I should be to her.

I was never one for getting into big rows- I believe in discussion and the power of calmly having your way (assuming you can be believe you're being fair) rather than giving in to outright skirmishes. I now realise that some people just communicate through conflict and I have absolutely no interest in that.

Likewise, i'd say most people have had one of these at some point

OP if your girlfriend wasn't pregnant then I would definitely say walk away. We all have insecurities but most of us manage to contain them and not project on to others. Being in a relationship does not mean your life disappears and you fall in line with what the other person wants. Ask yourself why you remained with this woman, why you let her treat you this way. She's pregnant now but I've a feeling if she wasn't you'd still be with her.

I haven't seen my boyfriend since last Monday. He's been away with work and family stuff. If I were to say "I feel unloved because you are doing stuff that doesn't involve being with me" he would be shocked and the relationship would be on it's way to doomsville.

People are not our posessions.

Wibbs

BrianG23 wrote: »

Likewise, i'd say most people have had one of these at some point

yep, it's quite easy, even enjoyable of sorts to slip into that role, the knight on shining armour/daddy mode for men, with the carer/substitute mammy mode for women. Both parties can play into it and play it up. A real drag long term. I did it once and we settled into that mode for a year, but ended it did thank god. Interestingly, her next boyfriends didn't get into that and neither did she. She stopped being in need of constant help. I/we had enabled that As I say it can be attractive to fall into.

Dial Hard

Tazium wrote:

Don't bolt.

Your partner is 'nesting', bearing your child and that causes havoc with hormones. Let's take a moment to be adult. Consider that you care and wanted to be with your partner. You did after all decide to move in together and were a party during the lovemaking that created your baby.

Only she's been like this since three months into the relationship.

OP, I'd be having a long hard think about whether or not this is a situation you want to stay in, because believe me, things are only going to get worse when the baby comes along. You are not obliged to stay with her just because she's pregnant.

Is this your first relationship, by any chance?

Redfence74

Take it from a man that didn't run....get out of dodge quick before u end up broken like me...can't even go for a bleedin pint with a head on

BrianD3

As a single man with "MGTOW" tendencies the scenario described in the first post sounds like a nightmare to me.

But then I read some of the OPs other posts eg this thread
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=89514763

Stepson, two other children, knives, Gardai, social workers. Now it seems like another complication to add to this. Or else a windup.

Wibbs

Dial Hard wrote: »

Only she's been like this since three months into the relationship.

Exactly. I would have far more sympathy and understanding if this stuff had only cropped up in pregnancy with hormones and the very understandable "oh god I'm having a child" notion. I'd flip out myself I shouldn't wonder.

Is this your first relationship, by any chance?

That thought had occurred, along with the seemingly rushed narrative in play. Was the baby planned?

KwackerJack

BrianD3 wrote: »

As a single man with "MGTOW" tendencies the scenario described in the first post sounds like a nightmare to me.

But then I read some of the OPs other posts eg this thread
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=89514763

Stepson, two other children, knives, Gardai, social workers. Now it seems like another complication to add to this. Or else a windup.

I have 1 son and no step children. Reason I left the other relationship was to get out and be able to help my son who was stuck with an abusive child and who a mother who done nothing about it. By the way the said child is now in care after been arrested for beating his mother with a baseball bat which was the same bat I removed from him and put in the attic only to be returned by the mother!!!!

I left that relationship and was single up until last year then I met my current partner who is in a professional job like myself and I thought ok this looks good. She accepted my son and both get on just like mother and son.

I'm not sure what your insinuating by saying is this a wind up or posting my previous thread.....I'm hardly out looking for this ****!!

Im ex military, well disciplined, level thinking. I've a stable well paid career and I am currently starting my ATPL to hopefully join an Airline. I'm not the kind of fella to hop in and out of dodgey relationships

We had spoken about kids but was not planned for this year, however any new baby is exciting and I look forward to having another son or daughter.

No matter how troublesome the relationship my kids are my kids and I will cherish them till I take my last breath

TimeToShine

BrianD3 wrote: »

As a single man with "MGTOW" tendencies the scenario described in the first post sounds like a nightmare to me.

But then I read some of the OPs other posts eg this thread
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=89514763

Stepson, two other children, knives, Gardai, social workers. Now it seems like another complication to add to this. Or else a windup.

Really not a big fan of people doing this. OP has posted about a specific problem, why feel the need to drag other issues into it in order to discredit him?

KingBrian2

Wibbs wrote: »

Then TBH I'd say to such guys; eh no, women are not exotic creatures, a prize worth being a doormat to, goddesses that must be venerated and placated at every turn so they bestow their blessings on you. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

Women, just like men are, or should be grown adults in a relationship as a partnership of equals. Any man, or woman for that matter, in a relationship where they're the junior partner living under emotional tantrums or threats is a man or woman looking down the barrel of a lifetime of ballsology.

So what? Gorgeous alone is subjective, gorgeous is relatively common, gorgeous alone won't support you, nor make you content, nor make for a happy relationship. Oh and gorgeous wears off. I don't mean with age or any of that stuff, I mean you will get tired of it if she's being a pain in the arse. The OP is smack dab in the middle of the honeymoon period. A phase where in my humble it's a very very bad plan to make such life changing decisions as having a kid. Plus if she's coming out with this in this early phase of things, wait until it wears off(if it hasn't already for her).

I believe you underestimate the importance of beauty. Besides this guy wants to skip the country while his wife is pregnant. Sounds like someone who puts his own interests ahead of others. That's the impression i get from this guy. He sounds like someone who is not in love with his wife and him having a child with her.

Wibbs

TimeToShine wrote: »

Really not a big fan of people doing this. OP has posted about a specific problem, why feel the need to drag other issues into it in order to discredit him?

Good point TTS. No more of this sorta thing folks.

Wibbs

KingBrian2 wrote: »

I believe you underestimate the importance of beauty.

Oh sure KB, I certainly don't underestimate the effect it can have on some men when they think they've found their particular version of it, nor the effect of rendering some men seemingly incapable of making rational decisions when blinded by their particular version of it.

I mention "their particular version of it" because I have found it can often be not nearly so noticeable to third parties, as outside of obvious examples matching a current cultural definition of beauty people's personal criteria can vary quite the bit.

I have long reckoned on what I call the interplay between the Three Aitches; Head, Heart and Horn. They come into play at different levels at different times of course and the latter two are running strong in the first couple of years, but best practice is to hope they all balance out over time. If one is excessively dominant you really don't want it to be Horn. As an uncle of mine once cautioned; it's amazing how deep a hole one can dig with such a small tool*.



*"small" used for illustrative purposes of course and may not reflect reality. Because we're on the interwebs I myself would shame Priapus on a good day.

KwackerJack

KingBrian2 wrote: »

I believe you underestimate the importance of beauty. Besides this guy wants to skip the country while his wife is pregnant. Sounds like someone who puts his own interests ahead of others. That's the impression i get from this guy. He sounds like someone who is not in love with his wife and him having a child with her.

If I wanted to skip town this would be my perfect excuse, however I am here looking for advice and still continue to talk to my gf about this.

Is it any wonder some men have serious issues relating to mental health when people like you instantly judge them in a bad light.

Can't be all perfect like you I suppose!

Ash.J.Williams

Stealthfins wrote: »

Though call there.

My kid's mum started to melt my meld.

I made the decision to become a single weekend father,she wouldn't let me see my son for the first 6 months.
The going got tough but I got through it.

My son is now 16 and we've a great relationship, sometimes he tells me that I had a lucky escape,he loves his mum,I tell him it's unfair to slag her as she's his mum.
And I'd never condone him being disrespectful towards his mum.
She never changed apart from getting older.
Herself and her husband are nearly always fighting..

Anyhow things can only get better and it's up to you to make sure you don't end up being another miserable guy moping around shops on a Sunday, while you could be motorcycling along the wild Atlantic way with a biker chick wrapped around you.....

Same here... I feel my kid will say lucky escape too

KingBrian2

KwackerJack wrote: »

If I wanted to skip town this would be my perfect excuse, however I am here looking for advice and still continue to talk to my gf about this.

Is it any wonder some men have serious issues relating to mental health when people like you instantly judge them in a bad light.

Can't be all perfect like you I suppose!

If you listen to the posters on Boards.ie you could end up on a one way ticket to Poland and no never said anything about being perfect. Only taking the point of your girlfriend who wants you to stay at home. Is it unreasonable for her to want you to stay home instead of you going off and leaving her all on her own. Discuss with her and decide what your future plans will be together. Lets not forget your having a child with her that requires a lot more agreement with her on a whole host of issues.

NATLOR

KingBrian2 wrote: »

I believe you underestimate the importance of beauty. Besides this guy wants to skip the country while his wife is pregnant. Sounds like someone who puts his own interests ahead of others. That's the impression i get from this guy. He sounds like someone who is not in love with his wife and him having a child with her.

You need to read the OP again,he never said he wanted to skip the country,quite the contrary he decided not to go due to the pregnancy.

OP says they live together,they spend most evenings and weekends together but occasionally wants to go out with mates,perfectly normal and reasonable behaviour in my book.

professore

KingBrian2 wrote: »

I believe you underestimate the importance of beauty.

I don't think he does. Beauty was always way down the list for me. Of course there should be some physical attraction there, but it's way overrated by most men.

KingBrian2

NATLOR wrote: »

You need to read the OP again,he never said he wanted to skip the country,quite the contrary he decided not to go due to the pregnancy.

OP says they live together,they spend most evenings and weekends together but occasionally wants to go out with mates,perfectly normal and reasonable behaviour in my book.

Listen up he said he wants to travel aboard with his friends to Poland. How many people in a relationship would like to see their partner go off to the south of Spain while their pregnant.

Lemming

KingBrian2 wrote: »

Listen up he said he wants to travel aboard with his friends to Poland. How many people in a relationship would like to see their partner go off to the south of Spain while their pregnant.

Erm, ok. So. He wants to "skip the country" to go bring a bike back from Poland. How long do you reckon that'd take? "Skip the country"; Jesus, you make it sound like he wants to jet off around the world for a year.

Re-read what the OP said. Please. Your above quote is cringe-inducing.

Stealthfins

It's amazing from reading this some people like needy codependent relationship s other's like to have a relationship of balance and give and take.

Balance and give and take for me thanks very much.

I notice the people who spend too much time together are a lot more miserable than the people who are able to have a bit of time outside of the mundane I love you don't leave me set up.

kunst nugget

KingBrian2 wrote: »

I believe you underestimate the importance of beauty.

Beauty fades and it doesn't matter how beautiful you are if you've the temperament of a shrew…

KwackerJack

Jesus you would think I was moving to Siberia and living her to fend for herself!! 2 nights away in Poland picking up a motorbike is hardly a round the world trip. I said no when asked by my mate, when I mentioned it to her it was simply to say I was asked and before I had the chance to say I wasn't hoping she had a triple heart attack.

If this is the way some posters go on I wounder if their  other halfs are chained up!! 

So after a conversation she has decided to let me see my friends ( so kind of her ) and then see how much time I get to spend with her............Next week I am going to a friends ( He asked me yesterday ) to help him with some work on his new house. I will be away from Friday till Sunday BUT I shall leave some flowers and chocolates hidden in our room, when I'm gone I will tell her to look in that space and see how she reacts.

If its good she may relax knowing I've thought about her and if its a bad reaction I'm ****ed

Funny thing is she knows I need to go away for a few weeks to finish my pilot training and has no issue with that!!

alexonhisown

No one should need to ask permission to go out with their friends or even to go away with their friends,
Relationship wont last long if she continues like this, and i doubt its just her "pregnancy hormones"

You sound like you are already feeling suffocated in the relationship, and having to leave gifts hidden in the hope that it will help her relax a bit when you not being there is just crazy.
I dont know what advice to give you, i would love to say "run" but as adults we know its not always that easy.

Personally i would have told her i was going to poland for the weekend and she woukd have to find a way to deal with her insecurities.
It sounds like she doesnt trust you, and she will probably ring you every hour when you go to friends house for the weekend.

Not sure how she will cope when you become a pilot and you are away a lot.

Thoie

I think the conversation to have is "how much time together does she need". I'd think it reasonable to agree to 2 nights a week with just each other, and a 3rd night either staying in together, or having friends over or going out as a couple. Obviously that will change when the baby comes, but for now I'd think that's reasonable. As a couple, you need to come to an agreement as to what's reasonable for you.

That's not to say that the other 4 nights should always be off gallivanting every week, but the option should be there for you on the other 4 nights to go meet pals or whatever.

It also depends on what kind of state you're in when you get home. If you go out to meet your friends and come in plastered drunk at 3am and spend the next day like a demon, then that could have a bearing on things too. If, more likely, you go out, have a natter and come home at a reasonable hour, then she's the weird one for having a problem with that.

Likewise, one 2 day trip to Poland shouldn't be a big deal, but if it's the 6th weekend in a row that you've been away, it starts getting a bit much. Everything has a context.

BetsyEllen

BrianG23 wrote: »

Sad story. If she was like this since month 3 you shoulda left then. Don't be that guy where your child grows up around you and your mother having a pissing contest every week over the stupidest crap. I was that kid. Parents never got the common sense to move on from each other its crazy. How disrepectful is that to your partner "Its my way or get out" simply because you want to see your friends.

Needy, controlling, insecure. Thats what she is. Are you still in love with her or do you just feel sorry for her? This is the type of **** we were all trying to get zcorpian to avoid the other day but we'll see how that goes.

You have 3 options -

1: Continue with it as it is. Let her moan at you, don't speak up. You will eventually become depressed and hate her. Very bad for a child.

2: Stand up to her, get your own way, tell her that **** isn't on and she can't give out to you over her own insecurities. If she tells you to leave you ****ing get up and leave. She needs to be sent a message, what shes doing is plain old WRONG.

3: You leave her now. Get on with life, find someone and have the experience to spot this type of carry on early. Don't move in so quick, use condoms. Take it easy.

Your're biggest issue is shes pregnant. If she wasn't i'd tell you to get the **** out and never look back. But, i'd choose option 2 first in your case. Try it. Option 1 will really leave you into a stereotypical Irish relationship(From what i've seen everyones married too young on my road and half of them are split up or else should have split a loong time ago)

Fyi, the girl I am currently with, encourages me to go out with friends, she doesn't have any of her own either because shes shy. That doesn't make her an unreasonable ****. She understands.

Theres no excuse for treating your partner like a personal possession. You are not hers.

This is the best advice on the thread.
Like others have said, if she wasn't pregnant I'd also be telling you to finish it but with circumstances as they are, option 2 here is what you need to be doing.

Stealthfins

alexonhisown wrote:

Not sure how she will cope when you become a pilot and you are away a lot.

You see he'll be a pilot then.

That's different he'll be on the big salary then.

And she'll be able to say, "my man's a pilot"

Now if he was a landscape Gardener that would be different.... He'd have to be kept in line...

You see with these needy brat's it's all about status "wink"