Advice re tinder match

cloud9876

I got matched with a girl on tinder back at the start of December. I messaged her first, and we then exchanged questions, answers and the usual stuff over the following week. we seem to have a lot in common and get on well online. I then suggested we chat via whatsapp and she said sure. This is where it gets confusing for me, for the past few weeks whenever I message her, it always takes her 3 or 4 days to reply, she sometimes apologizes and says she was busy etc, I said don't worry about it, its all good.
Just recently on NYE, I wished her a happy new year, and included a few other things in the message, she seen the message straight away, but until now has not replied.
I know she said she has been busy, but would it really take that much for someone who is interested in you, to reply back wishing you a happy new year also?
Is it some sort of test, where she wants to see if I'm impatient or something?
She does sound interested when we do message, so just a bit confused at the moment.
If anyone could give some advice, it would be much appreciated.

Loveinapril

Can you just ask her to meet? If she is interested, she will say yes.

cloud9876

Yep, I asked a couple of weeks back. She said she was too busy in December, but 'hopefully' January

Dial Hard

She's just not that arsed, OP. If someone is interested they'll find 30 seconds in their oh so busy day to reply to you.

Also, she'd have met up with you long before now if she wanted to.

Sorry to be so blunt, but time to move on.

retro:electro

You're vesting too much into this. You matched on tinder. She probably also matched with 100+ other guys who all messaged her HNY also. She is not obligated to reply to you. She doesn't seem to be wholly interested, sorry to say.

RealJohn

Ask her to meet again. She probably does have other guys messaging her too but there's no point in you wasting your time. If she doesn't want to meet this time, give up and move on. Girls don't like guys who are too keen anyway so if she's not bothered then you're probably not helping by coming on too strong (even if you're not coming on that strong).

Ask her to meet again. If she says yes, happy days. If she says no, move on.

cloud9876

Thanks for the reply Anna, normally I would agree, but I guess I would consider it more than a tinder match, we have exchanged quite detailed messages via whatsapp, ranging from family, to education, relationships and much more.

I would of thought that if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't be replying to my messages in detail, albeit quite late, she would instead ignore or just say im not interested?

LLMMLL

Probably not a case of being 100% interested or 0%. She is probably semi interested. Maybe she uses tinder when bored. Some people watch TV. Some read a book. Others have intimate conversations with strangers online. Don't let the seemingly intimate nature of an online chat convince you that it's real intimacy.

Personally, I'd drop it but it's worth asking her out next time she decides to chat to you.

retro:electro

cloud9876 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply Anna, normally I would agree, but I guess I would consider it more than a tinder match, we have exchanged quite detailed messages via whatsapp, ranging from family, to education, relationships and much more.

I would of thought that if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't be replying to my messages in detail, albeit quite late, she would instead ignore or just say im not interested?

Its hard to know. I'm not on tinder myself but a lot of my friends are, and they rarely meet up with any guy they get chatting to on it. I mean ya primarily it's a hook up app, but really it's just a social exchange app. You match, add on whatsapp/Instagram/snapchat, suss them out and then if you like what you see you might ask them to meet up. Very rarely does it go from whatsapp>meet up straight away. Have you added her on other social platforms?

cloud9876

No, haven't added her anywhere, the only social media platform I use is Facebook, would you recommend suggesting I add her on that?

If she's keen, she will say 'sure', if not she will make an excuse?

cloud9876

cloud9876 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply Anna, normally I would agree, but I guess I would consider it more than a tinder match, we have exchanged quite detailed messages via whatsapp, ranging from family, to education, relationships and much more.

I would of thought that if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't be replying to my messages in detail, albeit quite late, she would instead ignore or just say im not interested?

Tell her to get in touch with details when she wants to meet up and leave it at that.
No point spending ages texting and messaging someone in general on these things anyway - you may get along awfully IRL despite clicking by text.

GingerLily

cloud9876 wrote: »

No, haven't added her anywhere, the only social media platform I use is Facebook, would you recommend suggesting I add her on that?

If she's keen, she will say 'sure', if not she will make an excuse?

No, ask her out again, adding her in Facebook makes no sense.

retro:electro

GingerLily wrote: »

No, ask her out again, adding her in Facebook makes no sense.

It may not make sense to you, but it's almost protocol for the tinder generation at this stage. They add on all social platforms to suss one another out first, it's just what happens.

Yellow pack crisps

Sorry but why would you want to date this girl? Fair enough you never met and the exchanging of text messages happened because of Tinder but she is treating you fairly badly by not responding in timely fashion and only responding and indulging your conversations when it suits her. Add the fact that she may ''Hopefully"" meet you in January says a lot about her personality and state of mind. Far more quality females out there.

leggo

I've had ridiculously detailed and deep conversations with girls on Tinder and POF then never mailed them again (and vice versa), same way I've made 'deep connections' with girls on nights out whose names I never thought to ask. That's what you do when you're single, instead of being completely intimate with one person, you still have a natural need for intimacy so you dole it out over 50 people either regularly or one-off. Some of the deepest conversations I've had have been with people I've never spoken to again, like a one-night stand where you have amazing sex and feel like you can do (or, in this case, say) things you normally wouldn't. It doesn't necessarily mean anything more than that.

I totally get why it would be confusing if you're not used to the whole single game, or if you're just out of a long relationship and the dating world has all of a sudden changed (which it has). But that's how it is, for better or worse, and while you don't have to play along and can only take on serious applicants, you do have to accept that that's how other people are treating it and deal with it.

Fact is: people here are right. We should sticky something to the effect of: if you're only texting someone and you come to PI asking if they're interested, they're not that interested. Move on. It's just the way it is sadly.

Mr. Incognito

Pick up a phone and call her. Messages are so impersonal.

Ask her out. You will know by the vibe off her whether its worth it.

Idle Passerby

She's clearly not remotely interested OP, give it up. Sounds like the contact dried up once you switched to WhatsApp, my assumption is she's chatting to lots of people on tinder and it's an inconvenience that you've moved onto a different platform. With online dating youI chat to lots of people casually, it's not a promise to meet.

Waiting hours (edit: days!!!) to reply suggests she doesn't want to be rude by simply ignoring you but is giving you a very loud hint she's not interested. Also the vague "maybe in January" is code for 'hopefully he'll have gotten the hint by then'.

GingerLily

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Pick up a phone and call her. Messages are so impersonal.

Ask her out. You will know by the vibe off her whether its worth it.

It's a risk calling her if she's a phone-a-phobic like so many young people today!

njs030

Everyone has times they are busy and can't reply to a text for a few hours but when someone is genuinely interested in you they want to speak to you and will make sure they do- a text is pretty easy to manage!
If it's taking her days to reply every time she isn't interested in you, she might be replying out of politeness or she might be stringing you along or she might even like chatting to you but not enough to date you.

As someone else said, if you meet someone online and it hasn't moved past texting then no, they aren't that interested, sorry

cloud9876

Update - I messaged her yesterday, telling her that, by not reciprocating a happy new year wish after a few days, I will just have to assume she is not interested in me. Thanks for the recent chats etc, and wished her well in the future.

She replied back after 24 hours, apologizing for the late replies again,  and for not wishing me a happy new year in return, but its just the way she is, she takes days to reply to everyone,  if she wasn't interested in me, she wouldn't be replying at all. If I cant tolerate this, then fair enough, but she would still like to get to know me.

Good news I guess, will just have to respect her way of communicating?

Many thanks for all the replies on this topic.

cloud9876

Update - I messaged her yesterday, telling her that, by not reciprocating a happy new year wish after a few days, I will just have to assume she is not interested in me. Thanks for the recent chats etc, and wished her well in the future.

She replied back after 24 hours, apologizing for the late replies again,  and for not wishing me a happy new year in return, but its just the way she is, she takes days to reply to everyone,  if she wasn't interested in me, she wouldn't be replying at all. If I cant tolerate this, then fair enough, but she would still like to get to know me.

Good news I guess, will just have to respect her way of communicating?

Many thanks for all the replies on this topic.

GingerLily

cloud9876 wrote: »

Update - I messaged her yesterday, telling her that, by not reciprocating a happy new year wish after a few days, I will just have to assume she is not interested in me. Thanks for the recent chats etc, and wished her well in the future.

She replied back after 24 hours, apologizing for the late replies again,  and for not wishing me a happy new year in return, but its just the way she is, she takes days to reply to everyone,  if she wasn't interested in me, she wouldn't be replying at all. If I cant tolerate this, then fair enough, but she would still like to get to know me.

Good news I guess, will just have to respect her way of communicating?

Many thanks for all the replies on this topic.

I think you need to push for a date, this texting thing isn't working.

Also your message was a tad passive aggressive, I would have been put off by that!

batmanrobin

GingerLily wrote: »

I think you need to push for a date, this texting thing isn't working.

Also your message was a tad passive aggressive, I would have been put occasion by that!

Second all of this!

Pin down a date, OP. Text her and say you'd like to meet up next weekend. Suggest a date and time. If she says she is too busy then I'd just forget about her.

Honestly, I've seen it time and time again, when someone is truly interested in another person they are never "too busy". You can bet your ass they will find the time. After all, they're finding the time to do everything else they really want to do.

njs030

batmanrobin wrote: »

Second all of this!

Pin down a date, OP. Text her and say you'd like to meet up next weekend. Suggest a date and time. If she says she is too busy then I'd just forget about her.

Honestly, I've seen it time and time again, when someone is truly interested in another person they are never "too busy". You can bet your ass they will find the time. After all, they're finding the time to do everything else they really want to do.

Agree with both these posts.

Your message was a little clingy as well as very passive aggressive. For future reference there's no need for a big goodbye speech to someone you don't know...

Ask her to meet her answer will tell you all you need to know.

LLMMLL

You view that response as good news? No date and she will continue to dole out her interest in drips and drabs?

GingerLily

If she's busy on the date you suggest but she's actually interested then she'll suggest a date to you, it's a win win situation for you, you either get to meet her or stop wasting your time.

Idle Passerby

I would still take that reply as a resounding not interested. Sounds like she was embarrassed at being called out and wanted to smooth it over but she still hasn't made any attempt to progress things.

As an aside, if I got a message from some internet stranger, like the one you sent, I wouldn't have even bothered replying, Id be thinking "ugh! bullet dodged there". Quite a petulant message on your part, in my opinion.

Rekop dog

There isn't a hope you'll get anything meaningful from this, perhaps a pity date but nothing more. The moment you sent another message without her replying to the last, any tiny bit of interest she may have had is guaranteed gone now. You've done the exact opposite of what women find attractive early in dating by projecting yourself as clingy and a bit desperate.

You need to change your mindset with these things if you're to have success, stop getting overly invested in people you haven't even met, and try to become the one calling the shots, it's more fun that way.

cloud9876

Rekop dog wrote: »

There isn't a hope you'll get anything meaningful from this, perhaps a pity date but nothing more. The moment you sent another message without her replying to the last, any tiny bit of interest she may have had is guaranteed gone now. You've done the exact opposite of what women find attractive early in dating by projecting yourself as clingy and a bit desperate.

You need to change your mindset with these things if you're to have  success, stop getting overly invested in people you haven't even met, and try to become the one calling the shots, it's more fun that way.

Bold statement from someone who knows neither of us, and has not seem the communication between us. Don't ever become a gambler!

If she was not remotely interested, then why reply back saying she is interested. I'm pretty certain she is not the game playing type. Seems an honest girl.

Eimee90

cloud9876 wrote: »

Bold statement from someone who knows neither of us, and has not seem the communication between us. Don't ever become a gambler!

If she was not remotely interested, then why reply back saying she is interested. I'm pretty certain she is not the game playing type. Seems an honest girl.

Op, you have asked people for advice here but aren't taking it on board unless its what you want to hear.

On a plus, I admire that you are willing to give this girl every chance, it shows you are an open person. But dont fall into the trap of thinking you know this girl. An online relationship for want of a better word is nothing in comparassion to actually meeting the real person and is rarely the same.

But you dont know her. Be a little more realistic in your approach. Organise a real date one more time. If she dodges it, I would move on. Plenty of other fish in the sea and all.

Rekop dog

cloud9876 wrote: »

Bold statement from someone who knows neither of us, and has not seem the communication between us. Don't ever become a gambler!

If she was not remotely interested, then why reply back saying she is interested. I'm pretty certain she is not the game playing type. Seems an honest girl.

Some people just like the feeling of being pursued and wanted, even if they have zero feelings or interest in the person chasing them. She's giving you just enough to make you still believe there's hope and then pulling away again for days on end leaving you constantly checking your whatsapp waiting for her to reply.

Sounds like you already have her on a pedestal. Vouching for a girls honesty that you've never met is bit weird.

LegacyUser

cloud9876 wrote: »

Bold statement from someone who knows neither of us, and has not seem the communication between us. Don't ever become a gambler!

If she was not remotely interested, then why reply back saying she is interested. I'm pretty certain she is not the game playing type. Seems an honest girl.

If she wasn't the game playing type you wouldn't be posting up here tbh.

No offence, I'm sure she has some limited interest in you but not really enough for her to actually want a relationship with you. If you were George Clooney/Ryan Gosling/Whoevershefancies she would find the time to text you. You are a few weeks/texts away from the "I like you as a friend" conversation.

Maybe you'll be the exception but it's pretty rare in my experience to see a one sided text relationship suddenly turn into something real but then again, I don't know the girl so the only way for you to know is to ask her out. Right now you've nothing to lose by asking her out because imo she's eyeing the exit anyhow. (Or possibly eyeing the entrance waiting for someone better to walk in etc)

LLMMLL

If she was not remotely interested, then why reply back saying she is interested. I'm pretty certain she is not the game playing type. Seems an honest girl.

Because a lot of people are unable to baldly reject someone.

leggo

cloud9876 wrote: »

Bold statement from someone who knows neither of us, and has not seem the communication between us. Don't ever become a gambler!

I'll take some of that action. Get her on a date.

njs030

cloud9876 wrote: »

Bold statement from someone who knows neither of us, and has not seem the communication between us. Don't ever become a gambler!

If she was not remotely interested, then why reply back saying she is interested. I'm pretty certain she is not the game playing type. Seems an honest girl.

Unfortunately it's not, he may not have seen the conversation but we all know the story here and can see what you can't.
Believe me when I tell you whan a man she really likes texts her she doesn't take days to reply and has time to date him.

But listen-you think you know her and that she's honest and not playing games? Ask her on a date. If she likes you and is genuinely busy she'll suggest an alternative.....prove us wrong honestly we really would love to see the happy ending.

ManOfMystery

Sorry to be blunt, but as the cliche goes, she's just not that into you. It really is that simple.

If she was crazy about you, she'd make a bigger effort and you guys would be dating by now. If she couldn't stand you, she would have given you the brush off. You're in a shady in-between-area. She probably thinks you're a nice enough guy and you have some things in common or whatever so you are getting responses, but there's no immediacy to them and they're totally according to timescale - i.e. when she has nothing more important to be doing, or no-one more important to be contacting.

As has been said by plenty of others on here, suggest a date and if she doesn't get back to you within a reasonable time - I would think a week is plenty of time for someone to ponder such a thing - move on.

HiGlo

I agree with the others.... You pass some time for her... Till someone she likes better comes along.

If she's waiting days (!!!) to reply to your text messages then she's not overly keen. She likes you, you're a nice guy, you'll do... That's the vibe I'm getting. You're accepting of her stringing you along so she's going with it. She doesn't have to put the effort in cause she's no fear of you being "snapped up" by someone else.

If you want to see how things go face to face, then directly ask her out.
If you're over being someone's stop gap then just don't reply to her last/next message. She may pursue contact with you eventually, but even if she does, I don't expect it'll last long.

Best of luck.

amtc

I met a guy years ago...Wasn't that into him and the more he turned himself backwards for me the more I didn't want to know him. So I avoided him like mad...lost phones, dead relatives, illnesses...it was a classic case of it's not you it's me. I'd drop a text every so often which was bad of me. It took him six months to stop calling. My bad.

Anyway bumped into him buying groceries about two years ago...same numbers still and he started all over again...this time I said no. Still calling. I eventually texted back to say stop

dudara

amtc - PI is about providing guidance or help to others. It's not a forum for sharing your past stories.

dudara

LuckyLloyd

My attitude to online dating is to move towards a date as soon as possible. I'm not looking for a pen pal, and the ultimate way to suss someone out is to meet them face to face. You match, you make some chat, if the banter is good you ask for their number, a bit more chat and then ask them out. Then go on the date and see how it goes. I also have zero understanding in why people go through the whole rigmarole of adding people on facebook / instagram / twitter / etc before they've even met.

If they won't give out their number after a bit of chatting move on. If they aren't interested in actually meeting up after providing their number move on. If the date doesn't work out and there's no compelling reason to try again - move on. Until you've actually met someone a couple of times and it's been positive try not to invest too much in the whole thing.

Honestly you seem like a decent guy, and are just overthinking this a bit. There are plenty more conversations to be had, that will be of varying degrees of fun / intimate / interesting. Start having them, start going on dates, start enjoying the whole thing.

Best of luck.