Is having a job that important in a relationship?

Catmagic101a

I was 18 at the time. I'm 19 now and I was on a dating app once and the exchange I had with a 48 year old went like this.
Me:Hi, do you want to chat?
48 year old:Yes.
Me:Good to hear, so, how has your day been so far?
48 year old:Good.
48 year old:What are you here looking for?
Me:I'm looking for friends as well as potentially a soul mate.
48 year old:I am looking for relationship.
48 year old:What is your job?
Me:I currently don't work but plan to get a job at some local food place or start waitressing. Long term, I wanna be in journalism though.
48 year old:K bye
Is having a job that important in a relationship? Even for just an online relationship?

It is to that person.

leggo

Why are you going after people nearly three times your age? There are going to be a million things about each other you don't like if you're, essentially, a kid trying to find a soulmates with people nearly in their 50's. Start by trying to date people your own age who'll relate to your position in life a little better.

Loveinapril

leggo wrote: »

Why are you going after people nearly three times your age? There are going to be a million things about each other you don't like if you're, essentially, a kid trying to find a soulmates with people nearly in their 50's. Start by trying to date people your own age who'll relate to your position in life a little better.

I agree. Someone your age will be at the same stage of life as you. The 48 year old could have kids your age! In addition to not having a job, your goals seem a bit flaky. There are three different "I mights" and to someone who is probably well into their career, this lack of commitment may not be attracrive.

Catmagic101a

How do my goals seem flakey?I want to study journalism and political science.

Loveinapril

Catmagic101a wrote: »

How do my goals seem flakey?I want to study journalism and political science.

You gave three things that you plan on doing. I could plan on being a fairy but it is what I am DOING that counts. I think it would appear more committed to say "I have applied for a course that starts X" or "I am waiting to hear back from two jobs I interviewed for".

drunkmonkey

I want and I'm currently are world's apart.

48 is to old for you

Catmagic101a

Loveinapril wrote: »

Catmagic101a wrote: »

How do my goals seem flakey?I want to study journalism and political science.

You gave three things that you plan on doing. I could plan on being a fairy but it is what I am DOING that counts. I think it would appear more committed to say "I have applied for a course that starts X" or "I am waiting to hear back from two jobs I interviewed for".

Actually it was only two and I just got a bit more specific in the beginning. 1.Get some sort of job 2.Go to college for journalism

Loveinapril

Catmagic101a wrote: »

Actually it was only two and I just got a bit more specific in the beginning. 1.Get some sort of job 2.Go to college for journalism

But they are plans, not actions. Actions show you are committed and are on the way towards your goal.

Catmagic101a

I'll probably just find someone the same age now or no older than 21, while at college no less as I've come to believe dating apps are trashy anyway.

drunkmonkey

There was a lot to be said for the slow dance, not sure if any modern clubs still have one it's worth trying to find if they still do, sounds cheesy but it was so simple to meet someone without any of this online nonsense.

Catmagic101a

Loveinapril wrote: »

Catmagic101a wrote: »

Actually it was only two and I just got a bit more specific in the beginning. 1.Get some sort of job 2.Go to college for journalism

But they are plans, not actions. Actions show you are committed and are on the way towards your goal.

I've already filled out applications and I'm heading off to college in just a few short months.Right now, my situation is a difficult one hence why I've experienced a lack of progress but I won't go into detail.But I've gotten my high school diploma and have started to consider becoming a singer songwriter as well, I've written songs and set myself up on social media but with still attend college for what I've already stated.

Loveinapril

That's great, OP, but if I was you I would change my use of language by focusing on what is actually happening as opposed to what you would like to happen. Instead of "I might get a job and go to college" say "I have applied for X jobs and start college next year". It makes you seem like a doer not a talker. But you might be right moving away from the online stuff, you might find your match in college or through gigging! Good luck.

Pawwed Rig

As a 40 year old, if I was talking to someone alot younger, the first thing I would be assessing is where they are in life. I may consider someone in their mid 20s who can already support themself and has some stability in their life. I would not consider someone in your place in life for a relationship. So this guy knew what he wanted and noone was led on or had their time wasted. Seems like a good result for everyone.

Catmagic101a

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

As a 40 year old, if I was talking to someone alot younger, the first thing I would be assessing is where they are in life. I may consider someone in their mid 20s who can already support themself and has some stability in their life. I would not consider someone in your place in life for a relationship. So this guy knew what he wanted and noone was led on or had their time wasted. Seems like a good result for everyone.

Seems to have been for the best, I'll just find somebody in college, hope he gets what he wants.

Catmagic101a

Loveinapril wrote: »

That's great, OP, but if I was you I would change my use of language by focusing on what is actually happening as opposed to what you would like to happen. Instead of "I might get a job and go to college" say "I have applied for X jobs and start college next year". It makes you seem like a doer not a talker. But you might be right moving away from the online stuff, you might find your match in college or through gigging! Good luck.

This might seem odd but I don't use forums often and have always wanted to be called or referred to as "OP" lol. And thanks for wishing me luck, appreciate it

DoozerT6

Two things:

Why were you, at 18, trying to chat up a man almost old enough to be your grandfather?

And two, why would a 48 year old man possibly want to chat to an 18 year old girl on a dating website???

Forget that situation. You were never going to have anything in common with each other, except perhaps fulfilling a fantasy one or both of you had.

OP, start your college course. Meet someone around your own age. That whole exchange on the dating website was weird, and there was a pair of ye in it.

Best of luck.

GingerLily

Catmagic101a wrote: »

I've already filled out applications and I'm heading off to college in just a few short months.Right now, my situation is a difficult one hence why I've experienced a lack of progress but I won't go into detail.But I've gotten my high school diploma and have started to consider becoming a singer songwriter as well, I've written songs and set myself up on social media but with still attend college for what I've already stated.

I don't want to sound cruel OP, but if you want a job in Journalism or Song Writing you'll need thicker skin when it comes to people judging your employment status, they're not careers associated with 9-5 hours and pension plans, most journalists are free lance these days and it's a very tough market.

Turtle_

Are you in the US or something? We don't get high school diplomas here...

18 is too young for a 48 year old. Legitimately way too young, always will be. Hell, it's too young for me at 28 because you're basically little more than a kid..

The half your age plus seven rule isn't a bad one. It gives you an age range of 16-22.

And yeah, anyone who isn't a waster won't be interested in someone who does nothing all day. Right now you're not in college and not working.

And fundamentally, being a teenager trying to hook up with a 48 year old is only going to work out if they're a creep.

LegacyUser

This is a very strange thread. There are so many things wrong with the situation BEFORE u get into the fact he said bye because you said you're not working. For Gods sake he's nearly 50, and thats not your problem? He's in a completely different life stage and it would be creepy as hell. Are you looking for a Hugh Hefner type rich creep..he makes me nauseous. Anyway it seems like you were going for someone who you (weirdly) thought would have zero chance of rejecting you, but he had no problem in doing so for the fact you've no career, rather embarrassing isn't it? It has hurt an already fragile ego so now you're thinking oh making my own money is actually important I can't just manipulate an old guy.

Forget about meeting someone online and concentrate on your education and making something of yourself.

Rachiee

Id imagine if you had your own income he might be like ok maybe shes just open minded into older guys but when you arent working there is a good chance you are looking for a sugar daddy.
Im not saying you are but in his mind he may be thinking why on earth is she chatting with me and asked you what you worked at to rule out the sugar daddy possibility.

Big Bag of Chips

Being in a relationship with someone you have common ground with is important. Someone you can relate to. It's why people often meet their partners in work. A shared interest. You could have been talking to a 48 year old barrister, or doctor, or IT professional, or fireman, or policeman, a person with children older than you. Possibly with grandchildren close to your age!... None of those people will have much in common with an 18 year old who might get a part time job in McDonald's.

Age gaps can work. But it is important that you share common interests and are equals in so far as is possible. You might think you're grown up and worldly wise, but you're not! Judging by your transcript of the conversation the 48 year old was wary of being approached by an 18 year old to begin with, and shut the conversation down pretty quickly.

Having a job isn't as important in relationships between teenagers. It is very important for living in the adult world however.

tara73

jesus, give the kid a break, me thinks. he's just 19 years old, it's quite normal not to know exactly what he wants to do at this time in his life or plans can change. and then he didn't even was unspecific, he said he wants to go into journalism.

anyway, already said from everybody, it's not a good idea to chat to people more than twice your age. stick to people your own age.

but you've already seen the elementary, you don't need this sh*** apps at all, you are 19 !, you have all chances in the world meeting nice girls with studies starting, travelling or whatever you will do in the next years.

Pawwed Rig

OP is female

Catmagic101a

DoozerT6 wrote: »

Two things:

Why were you, at 18, trying to chat up a man almost old enough to be your grandfather?

And two, why would a 48 year old man possibly want to chat to an 18 year old girl on a dating website???

Forget that situation. You were never going to have anything in common with each other, except perhaps fulfilling a fantasy one or both of you had.

OP, start your college course. Meet someone around your own age. That whole exchange on the dating website was weird, and there was a pair of ye in it.

Best of luck.

Yeah, I see what you mean about it being a weird exchange and thanks.

Catmagic101a

GingerLily wrote: »

Catmagic101a wrote: »

I've already filled out applications and I'm heading off to college in just a few short months.Right now, my situation is a difficult one hence why I've experienced a lack of progress but I won't go into detail.But I've gotten my high school diploma and have started to consider becoming a singer songwriter as well, I've written songs and set myself up on social media but with still attend college for what I've already stated.

I don't want to sound cruel OP, but if you want a job in Journalism or Song Writing you'll need thicker skin when it comes to people judging your employment status, they're not careers associated with 9-5 hours and pension plans, most journalists are free lance these days and it's a very tough market.

It's fine, you don't sound cruel at all and I already know it's a tough market but I still want to be a news anchor if possible, I've been a news junkie since I was 12 and I've wanted to be a television journalist since I was 14. But in the meantime, I'll try to keep a thicker skin per your advice.

Big Bag of Chips

Just out of curiosity, OP, can I ask why on a dating site you contact a 48 year old man? And why it still bothers you many months on, that he cut your conversation short?

Catmagic101a

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Just out of curiosity, OP, can I ask why on a dating site you contact a 48 year old man? And why it still bothers you many months on, that he cut your conversation short?

Boredom and idk I was curious what anyone thought cause again, boredom...lol

Catmagic101a

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Being in a relationship with someone you have common ground with is important. Someone you can relate to. It's why people often meet their partners in work. A shared interest. You could have been talking to a 48 year old barrister, or doctor, or IT professional, or fireman, or policeman, a person with children older than you. Possibly with grandchildren close to your age!... None of those people will have much in common with an 18 year old who might get a part time job in McDonald's.

Age gaps can work. But it is important that you share common interests and are equals in so far as is possible. You might think you're grown up and worldly wise, but you're not! Judging by your transcript of the conversation the 48 year old was wary of being approached by an 18 year old to begin with, and shut the conversation down pretty quickly.

Having a job isn't as important in relationships between teenagers. It is very important for living in the adult world however.

I understand what you mean, I'll try to consider factors more oftenad stay reasonable.Thank you for answering

Catmagic101a

Rachiee wrote: »

Id imagine if you had your own income he might be like ok maybe shes just open minded into older guys but when you arent working there is a good chance you are looking for a sugar daddy.
Im not saying you are but in his mind he may be thinking why on earth is she chatting with me and asked you what you worked at to rule out the sugar daddy possibility.

Yeah, that could be a possibility but I'm definitely not interested in a sugar daddy, I see why other girls seek that sort of thing but that isn't what I want for myself.Growing up, I said I wanted to be a lot of things, sugar baby was never one LOL.

Big Bag of Chips

So, stop worrying/wondering why a 48 year old man cut you off then. It was probably less to do with your employment status and more to do with the fact you were still a school kid!

Catmagic101a

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

So, stop worrying/wondering why a 48 year old man cut you off then. It was probably less to do with your employment status and more to do with the fact you were still a school kid!

Yeah, probs, danke.

fearrchair

There was a fairly big age gap and it does seem to be a deal breaker for him but l thought he was a bit abrupt l might not be over the moon myself either but you need to give a person a chance (you) as well unless he knew you well. He could have just gently said it or become less frequent in messages.

Yellow pack crisps

If an 18 yr old messaged me on a dating website I would number 1 not be interested and number 2 I would question why someone so young would be messaging me and number 3 I'd run a mile. More than likely you just freaked him out. I'm 40 and the thought of being with a 18 year old would make me ill! I know it's legal age in most countries but it would still feel wrong. Concentrate on why s strangers abruptness bothered you so much. And if it's true you want to be a news anchor or journalist then I would immerse myself in that as its a **** load of dedication you need to achieve that.

LegacyUser

Maybe he thought it was strange you were talking to him when you were so young and then when you described your plans he thought you might have been looking for a sugar daddy!

Maybe he liked chatting to someone so young but when you said what your plans were you brought him back down to Earth because you sounded like his daughter or niece or someone

Or maybe he was looking for someone with no plans, someone naive maybe because he likes that dynamic with very young partners.

There are really lots of possible reasons why he ended the chat!