Overseas wedding and Kids

Zascar

I'm getting married in Portugal next year. Small ish wedding, about 60 people. Quite a few people have kids and some have asked can they bring them. I'd really rather not have kids (babies) at my wedding. I would not mind if they were 10+ - but what I don't want is screaming babies at the ceremony, but mainly I don't want the parents spending all their time looking after the kids and not actually enjoying the wedding. It's not about the attention being on the bride and groom - it's about everyone being relaxed and enjoying themselves without having to worry about their kids every 5 minutes.

However, if they decide not to come because of this i'll be very disappointed. Several are saying only 1 of them will come, the other will stay home with the kids. But I would not be surprised if they bailed. I'd almost rather scrap the rule and let them come kids and all. I've told them I just dont want kids on the day, others are coming for a week and will find someone to look after the kids on the day. But many parents would not leave with a stranger which is understandable..

Has anyone else had to deal with a similar situation, can i get some opinions on it?
Thanks

kinsy

Honestly, I'd just scrap the rule and let the kids come. I used to think kids at weddings were a terrible idea but the last few I've been to have had a few kids knocking around and it made little difference, was actually quite nice (as long as the parents make sure they behave themselves).
You want the guests to enjoy the day and if one part of a couple has had to forego a trip abroad to mind the kids, or if they end up leaving the kids with a stranger and worrying etc, maybe that is what will make the day less enjoyable for them rather than watching their kids, which they'll be used to doing anyway.
My sister was a bridesmaid when she was still nursing and the baby wasn't allowed to come and it caused her so much stress leading up to it. She was really so upset but didn't say anything because she didn't want to cause a fuss. In the end my mum had to go with them, cancelling work she had that weekend, and she was able to slip off for periods at a time but an overseas trip is more complicated again.

If it were me, I'd just let them bring their children if that's what will mean they can come.

AlanG

Most people cant stand getting invites to overseas weddings unless there is a very good reason as it is awkward and expensive for the guests and seen (rightly or wrongly) as saving money for the hosts. If you make it even more awkward by not allowing kids then you should expect at best to have one person from any family with kids to turn up.
Personally I would scrap the rule, On the continent most people wouldn't understand the concept of not having kids at a celebration like this so you can be sure the venue will be fine with it.

Toots

kinsy wrote: »

You want the guests to enjoy the day and if one part of a couple has had to forego a trip abroad to mind the kids, or if they end up leaving the kids with a stranger and worrying etc, maybe that is what will make the day less enjoyable for them rather than watching their kids, which they'll be used to doing anyway.

The above quote pretty much sums it up. There's not a chance I'd leave my kids with a babysitter I didn't know at home, let alone abroad.
I'd let the kids come TBH. I know when my little boy was a baby if we'd been invited to a no-kids wedding at home, it wouldn't have been difficult to find a babysitter, but one abroad is a different story. I think you're right when you suspect that some couples who have one staying at home to mind the kids might end up bailing, it probably wouldn't be a lot of fun having to fly out on their own and make their own way to venue etc. Also if it were me I'd feel bad leaving the OH at home minding the kids while I got to go away.

I think there were about 4 babies at my wedding and you wouldn't have known they were there (I think overall we had 20 odd kids there, none caused any trouble) Babies don't always cry, and if they do, you could quietly put the word out and ask that if they did start to bawl through the ceremony/speeches etc that you'd appreciate if the parents would take them outside (In fairness, most parents would have enough cop on to do that without having to be asked, but there are always one or two exceptions)

Obviously, it's your wedding and you want to enjoy it, but I'd say your prediction that people might bail is pretty spot on, and with a small wedding it'll be a lot more noticeable than if you were having a big wedding with 150+ guests.

January

You either say no kids and accept the fact that some people won't come because of this rule (understand that it's not very easy, or cheap, to leave kids in a different country with a minder while you swan off on holidays) or invite the kids and suck it up.

Metric Tensor

We have two young kids and if we got an invitation to a wedding abroad with no kids allowed one of us would definitely have to stay at home to mind the kids. Whether the other spouse would use the family holiday money to fly out on their own to a wedding would be questionable and whether they would enjoy themselves is even more questionable.

We wouldn't feel comfortable leave our kids with an unknown babysitter abroad - especially considering they are quite young.

tracey turnblad

I got married abroad, I allowed kids (I have kids of my own but they were 8+ at the time) mainly because I know I wouldnt go (and have turned down a wedding abroad in the past that said no kids). Most people that brought their kids made a family holiday out of it..some decided off their own back that they didnt want to bring their kids. I think its a huge ask to ask people to a wedding abroad and tell them they cannot bring their kids

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JayRoc

I'm in agreement with you about not having kids at your wedding (I didn't).
But given that you've decided to have it abroad, you're going to have to realise how difficult it's going to make things for your guests who have children.

I would see it being pretty impractical for a couple with kids to go to a foreign wedding even if they COULD bring their children, tbh.

Basically, if you're of the age where some of your mates have kids but you want a child-free wedding (as it should be imo) have your wedding in Ireland if possible.

cactusgal

Definitely welcome the kids if you're expecting people to travel abroad for your wedding.

I would have been very "anti kid" at weddings, I went to one where the parents had no cop on at all and let their baby scream through the vows instead of just popping outside. This also happened during the father of the bride's speech, it was awful.

But I was at a few weddings over the summer with kids and they were lovely. Babies and kids, the parents were on top of it and they really added to the fun atmosphere.

I've changed my view on kids at weddings now! If the parents are sound, then all will be well.

BALI

Hi all, I am getting married abroad next year and to be honest I am leaving it up to the people themselves if they want to bring the kids. Most have said thanks for asking but we will probably go by ourselves if we go so i guess i'll know by the rsvp. I was feeling guilty not asking them as I didnt want to make the situation awkward.

On the other hand can I just barge another question in. We have just applied online for our certificate of freedom and followed all the steps being sure to save everything as PDF for printing as directed and the stupid thing has saved in some wierd xsp format i have never heard of. I rang DFA today to find out what the hell and they only open from 10-12 so im none the wiser and totally annoyed. I would be so bothered but they say that make sure you do it properly because you cannot retrieve forms again so we did and now this. I'm damned if im paying for it twice. Just wondering if anyone else had this hassle.

Walter H Price

Zascar wrote: »

I'm getting married in Portugal next year. Small ish wedding, about 60 people. Quite a few people have kids and some have asked can they bring them. I'd really rather not have kids (babies) at my wedding. I would not mind if they were 10+ - but what I don't want is screaming babies at the ceremony, but mainly I don't want the parents spending all their time looking after the kids and not actually enjoying the wedding. It's not about the attention being on the bride and groom - it's about everyone being relaxed and enjoying themselves without having to worry about their kids every 5 minutes.

However, if they decide not to come because of this i'll be very disappointed. Several are saying only 1 of them will come, the other will stay home with the kids. But I would not be surprised if they bailed. I'd almost rather scrap the rule and let them come kids and all. I've told them I just dont want kids on the day, others are coming for a week and will find someone to look after the kids on the day. But many parents would not leave with a stranger which is understandable..

Has anyone else had to deal with a similar situation, can i get some opinions on it?
Thanks

Our wedding is down in Kerry (were both from Dublin) i don't like the idea of kids being there to be honest its a 3 day event with a drinks reception the night before , the wedding the following day and a reception in the hotel and traditional pub booked for the day after. neither of us felt it was the right environment for kids so with 1 exception (my 15 year old cousin who's an only child) we set a blanket rule of no kids under 18 at the wedding.

It wasn't a major issue for me or any of my guests , small family 4 cousins 3 will be over 21 and the one who will be 15 , none of my mates have kids so no issues there. My OH has a huge family 30 odd cousins and a good 50%+ will be under 18 some of her aunts and uncles were a bit annoyed but all are going and not bringing the kids so no issues really. I just think weddings are inherently adult affairs there's allot of eating and drinking and all the rest , I've been to other weddings with kids and i just never found it appropriate to have young kids knocking around at the afters in particular , like kids are barred from pubs after 9 Pm for good reason don't see why a wedding should be any different.

If you don't want kids there OP tell your guest and tell em early.

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Pawwed Rig

We just don't go these days if there are no kids allowed. Once we did and left at 10 to relieve the babysitter.

Call me Al

Walter H Price wrote: »

Our wedding is down in Kerry (were both from Dublin) i don't like the idea of kids being there to be honest its a 3 day event with a drinks reception the night before , the wedding the following day and a reception in the hotel and traditional pub booked for the day after. neither of us felt it was the right environment for kids so with 1 exception (my 15 year old cousin who's an only child) we set a blanket rule of no kids under 18 at the wedding.

It wasn't a major issue for me or any of my guests , small family 4 cousins 3 will be over 21 and the one who will be 15 , none of my mates have kids so no issues there. My OH has a huge family 30 odd cousins and a good 50%+ will be under 18 some of her aunts and uncles were a bit annoyed but all are going and not bringing the kids so no issues really. I just think weddings are inherently adult affairs there's allot of eating and drinking and all the rest , I've been to other weddings with kids and i just never found it appropriate to have young kids knocking around at the afters in particular , like kids are barred from pubs after 9 Pm for good reason don't see why a wedding should be any different.

If you don't want kids there OP tell your guest and tell em early.

But that's in Ireland.
The OP is having a wedding in Portugal.
OP your wedding is not going to be in anyway convenient for guests who have young children if they are being asked to leave them at home, or even to leave them with a complete stranger in Portugal for large chunks of the day (something most people wouldn't be too keen on I'd imagine).
You should expect to get a lot more of the responses you have gotten so far. You're doing well to get even one person from the couple to go. To be honest I don't really know what you expect people to do under the circumstances.

jlm29

I've a one and a five year old, and a partner with a very seasonal job. If I were invited to a wedding abroad with no kids, if it were winter, I might manage one night by myself, but summer time, I'd be declining the invite, and it wouldn't matter if you were my sister, I still couldn't manage it. I also wouldn't leave my kids with a stranger in a different country.

cailinoBAC

We were living in Spain so had our wedding there. I didn't have strong feelings about kids at the wedding, but only a few brought kids, most left at home and just came for a shorter period.

Electric Sheep

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Them may be the breaks, but they are breaks that most people don't want to waste their precious time off and their holiday money on.

I wouldn't pay to take my family abroad to a wedding they would not enjoy. Our family holidays are for the whole family to have fun and relax, not to suit someone else's wedding plans.

annoyedgal

If I was invited to a wedding abroad and told I couldn't bring my baby I'd honestly assume that the bride and groom were not too bothered if I went or not!
It's a huge ask to go abroad for a wedding, you should make it as easy as possible for your guests if you really want them there. Can be extremely hard to get a babysitter and besides some parents will not want to leave their children, especially babies! Definitely leave it up to the guests. Some will leave them and some won't, you honestly won't care on the day.

R.D. aka MR.D

I'm all about the no kids at weddings and if I were to have a traditional wedding (we eloped just the 2 of us) we would never want kids there. I don't like the idea of kids being around alcohol or being drunk around kids.

Saying that, you are getting married abroad and are asking people to go to that massive effort. If you don't invite the kids then you are going to have to accept certain people won't come. Which is the easier pill to swallow, kids potentially ruining your day or the absence of friends/relatives ruining your day?

Faith

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I'm all about the no kids at weddings and if I were to have a traditional wedding (we eloped just the 2 of us) we would never want kids there. I don't like the idea of kids being around alcohol or being drunk around kids.

Saying that, you are getting married abroad and are asking people to go to that massive effort. If you don't invite the kids then you are going to have to accept certain people won't come. Which is the easier pill to swallow, kids potentially ruining your day or the absence of friends/relatives ruining your day?

This sums up my feelings completely. I had a child-free wedding, but I don't think you can A) have no kids, have a wedding abroad and C) have everyone you want there. Generally speaking, you can only have one of the above, unless you have a young group of friends who haven't started having kids yet.

lazygal

We have two children and would not be able to attend a wedding abroad. It's no issue for us to leave our children for a night with grandparents but not for a few days. Not to mention the expense of a wedding abroad. When you choose to have a wedding aboard some people simply won't be able to go. It doesn't mean they aren't good friends. We'd also struggle to justify the cost of the four of us travelling just for a wedding TBH.

irelandrover

We got married abroad as well. I didnt really want kids there but I didnt feel that was reasonable to ask people to leave their kids at home for the few days.

So there were kids at the ceremony and then we had a baby sitter at the venue that stayed from 7 until 1. Parents could pop to the room to check on the children and easily come back to the party. It seemed to work well.

Pawwed Rig

To me it seems to just heap more expense on your guests.

SteM

Zascar wrote: »

I'm getting married in Portugal next year. Small ish wedding, about 60 people. Quite a few people have kids and some have asked can they bring them. I'd really rather not have kids (babies) at my wedding. I would not mind if they were 10+ - but what I don't want is screaming babies at the ceremony, but mainly I don't want the parents spending all their time looking after the kids and not actually enjoying the wedding. It's not about the attention being on the bride and groom - it's about everyone being relaxed and enjoying themselves without having to worry about their kids every 5 minutes.

However, if they decide not to come because of this i'll be very disappointed. Several are saying only 1 of them will come, the other will stay home with the kids. But I would not be surprised if they bailed. I'd almost rather scrap the rule and let them come kids and all. I've told them I just dont want kids on the day, others are coming for a week and will find someone to look after the kids on the day. But many parents would not leave with a stranger which is understandable..

Has anyone else had to deal with a similar situation, can i get some opinions on it?
Thanks

You've designed a rule that you think will allow parents to relax but actually what you've done is given them another thing to worry about. We have a 4 year old and I now realise that most parents are thinking about their kids every 5 minutes whether the kids are around or not. There's no way myself and the wife would be able to relax at a wedding abroad knowing that our lad was at home I'm afraid.

Scrap the rule or you'll get a lot of people dropping out imo.

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Walter H Price

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No just plenty of money and enjoy a good party

Call me Al wrote: »

But that's in Ireland.
The OP is having a wedding in Portugal.
OP your wedding is not going to be in anyway convenient for guests who have young children if they are being asked to leave them at home, or even to leave them with a complete stranger in Portugal for large chunks of the day (something most people wouldn't be too keen on I'd imagine).
You should expect to get a lot more of the responses you have gotten so far. You're doing well to get even one person from the couple to go. To be honest I don't really know what you expect people to do under the circumstances.

Wouldn't matter for us if it was Ireland , Portugal or wherever (we actualy were looking at Malta before booking Kilarney) we still wouldn't have been having kids under 18 , it's not the place for them in our opinion. A few people have grumbled about it but ultimately all are going, with the exception of 1 of her uncles, but to be honest he doesn't go to any family events including the previous 2 weddings and is tight as a ducks hole so was probably looking for an excuse anyway. How difficult is it to leave the kids with their grandparents , an aunt , uncle or family friend for a couple of days ?

tracey turnblad

Walter H Price wrote: »

No just plenty of money and enjoy a good party



Wouldn't matter for us if it was Ireland , Portugal or wherever (we actualy were looking at Malta before booking Kilarney) we still wouldn't have been having kids under 18 , it's not the place for them in our opinion. A few people have grumbled about it but ultimately all are going, with the exception of 1 of her uncles, but to be honest he doesn't go to any family events including the previous 2 weddings and is tight as a ducks hole so was probably looking for an excuse anyway. How difficult is it to leave the kids with their grandparents , an aunt , uncle or family friend for a couple of days ?

You obviously dont have kids? Its extremely hard to leave kids for a few days, one your kids mightnt be able to leave you, two grandparents, aunts, uncle or family might not exist (we have on one on DH side) or they might tell you to feck off theyre not minding three kids for three days... If I had to mind my sisters 2 kids for 3 days it would mean I would have 5 kids...I didnt have 5 kids for a reason.

Walter H Price

tracey turnblad wrote: »

You obviously dont have kids? Its extremely hard to leave kids for a few days, one your kids mightnt be able to leave you, two grandparents, aunts, uncle or family might not exist (we have on one on DH side) or they might tell you to feck off theyre not minding three kids for three days... If I had to mind my sisters 2 kids for 3 days it would mean I would have 5 kids...I didnt have 5 kids for a reason.

Nope we don't have kids , but i know my folks went to a few weddings in the UK , 1 in Germany and 1 in South Africa when we were small we just went my Granny's or my aunts for a few days didn't seem like a big deal to be honest.

If the OP doesn't want kids at his wedding that's his call and i can totally see why some people don't want kids at their wedding, the only courtesy i would say to give his guests is to inform them well in advance in order to allow them make arrangements to get the kids minded, after that not his problem.

lazygal

We had a child free wedding, kept it local for most people and understood completely that this would mean some would be unable to come.
No way would I expect anyone to mind my children for three days so I could attend a wedding with multiple events.

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lazygal

My parents decided to host a lunch in their house the day after our wedding, about half our guests came. But I was amazed there were even that many. We've received a save the date for one of these event weddings next year, I know they think they are giving us a years' notice but even with that no way will we attending anything other the wedding ceremony and reception and driving home afterwards. I think these event things work if you're the first in a gang to get married and the novelty of weddings is still fresh, but not once everyone's been to a few weddings.
And saying nonchalantly that organising childcare is no big deal, I hate to be all 'when you're a parent you'll thinking differently' but frankly you will. Our parents are more than happy to mind our children but that doesn't mean we'd ask for days of babysitting for a wedding. We also don't think its fair to be away from them for that long.

Walter H Price

lazygal wrote: »

My parents decided to host a lunch in their house the day after our wedding, about half our guests came. But I was amazed there were even that many. We've received a save the date for one of these event weddings next year, I know they think they are giving us a years' notice but even with that no way will we attending anything other the wedding ceremony and reception and driving home afterwards. I think these event things work if you're the first in a gang to get married and the novelty of weddings is still fresh, but not once everyone's been to a few weddings.
And saying nonchalantly that organising childcare is no big deal, I hate to be all 'when you're a parent you'll thinking differently' but frankly you will. Our parents are more than happy to mind our children but that doesn't mean we'd ask for days of babysitting for a wedding. We also don't think its fair to be away from them for that long.

Were not expecting everyone to go to every bit of it , though that siad we already have well over 120 of the 150 guests confirmed for the night before and day of , the day after we would expect people to float off over the course of the day, there's 4 things that day Breakfast , Family photos at Ross Castle , a leaving reception with food in the hotel around 2-3 , then we have booked a trad pub in the town for the evening i know all of my groomsmen and her bridesmaids bar my sister are staying for that , plus most of our friends who have booked holiday homes for the whole weekend and my parents and Aunt and Unlce who are going off for a few days around Cork and Kerry after, so still expecting between 50 and 60 for that.

Very few people have complained about the no kids thing most of the lads who have kids were delighted to be getting a few days off as were some of her aunts , she had one aunt who complained at length , but she moans about everything , one of the lads girlfriends decided not to go and as i mentioned before she has 1 uncle who goes to nothing who used it as an excuse. I think people on here are totaly exagerating how many drop offs the OP can expect by not inviting kids , my experience is at worst people will grumble but most will still go.

This will be the 4th wedding in our group and 3rd in her family only one of the 6 we've been to was local and had kids and it was after that wedding we decided on no kids at ours.

lazygal

I wouldn't complain to the couple or grumble or nag about maybe allowing my children to come. We don't bring ours to weddings even if they're asked. If I was asked to a wedding abroad with our kids I simply would decline, rather than grumble. A wedding abroad is always going to be more expensive that a wedding in Ireland where we can drive home usually without paying for accommodation and the drop offs will reflect this with or without kids.
Most people won't complain to you about your plans. They'll be polite and smile and nod. That's my experience anyway.

tracey turnblad

I think the instance of drop offs is higher in a no kids wedding abroad than an Irish no kid wedding. I know Id go to an Irish one no probs, if it was outside my family, but definitely wouldnt go to a no kids wedding abroad.

Walter H Price

lazygal wrote: »

I wouldn't complain to the couple or grumble or nag about maybe allowing my children to come. We don't bring ours to weddings even if they're asked. If I was asked to a wedding abroad with our kids I simply would decline, rather than grumble.
Most people won't complain to you about your plans. They'll be polite and smile and nod. That's my experience anyway.

Even at that only one decline so far and thats because one of my mates is starting a new job in Perth in March and wont be coming home now untill Christmas ... nearly all the ones with kids have RSVP'd to date

lazygal

I still think an overseas wedding is different. We've only not been able to attend one wedding in Ireland and as I said we're always child free for them. A wedding abroad would almost certainly be an automatic decline even if children were allowed. If there was a no children rule we wouldn't even think twice about declining.

Sunny Dayz

OP You said in your opening post that quite a few of your guests have children. You are going to have to understand that many families can't go away abroad for a few days without their kids, it's just not practical. One night away in Ireland for a wedding is manageable for most but a few days abroad just isn't. I know you would love to have your friends and family all there to celebrate with you but you really are going to have to take into account your guests circumstances, you may not realise it but you are making things very difficult for them

meeeeh

We've left kids at home when going to overseas weddings. It is more convenient for us but we can do that without too much hassle. That being said I would not be impressed if bride and groom really wanted us there and were not prepared to accommodate some sort of arrangement. If we couldn't leave kids with grandparents either all or none of us would be going.

Personally I think more hassle the wedding is to attend more you should be prepared to compromise (for those that you really want there).

Call me Al

Walter H Price wrote: »

No just plenty of money and enjoy a good party



Wouldn't matter for us if it was Ireland , Portugal or wherever (we actualy were looking at Malta before booking Kilarney) we still wouldn't have been having kids under 18 , it's not the place for them in our opinion. A few people have grumbled about it but ultimately all are going, with the exception of 1 of her uncles, but to be honest he doesn't go to any family events including the previous 2 weddings and is tight as a ducks hole so was probably looking for an excuse anyway. How difficult is it to leave the kids with their grandparents , an aunt , uncle or family friend for a couple of days ?

Well what can i say! You clearly have some very relaxed friends with extended families that are all hail and hearty and extremely obliging by the looks of thing.
For most of my friends leaving kids with in-laws isn't so straight forward. Between things like breast-feeding (just try and outsource that one), very young kids, sick kids, elderly or unwilling families and grandparents, or even just having a lot of kids, it often isn't as easy as you seem to think.

At least if you're in Ireland you can drive home after the ceremony or meal and retrieve your kids if you need to. You don't have this flexibility if you're abroad and are expected to relax.

Walter H Price

Call me Al wrote: »

Well what can i say! You clearly have some very relaxed friends with extended families that are all hail and hearty and extremely obliging by the looks of thing.
For most of my friends leaving kids with in-laws isn't so straight forward. Between things like breast-feeding (just try and outsource that one), very young kids, sick kids, elderly or unwilling families and grandparents, or even just having a lot of kids, it often isn't as easy as you seem to think.

At least if you're in Ireland you can drive home after the ceremony or meal and retrieve your kids if you need to. You don't have this flexibility if you're abroad and are expected to relax.

The end of the day you cant shape your wedding to suit everyone invited , it has to just be about what you want for the day realistically and people will either get on board with that and find a way to make it work or they wont go , so long as you get the day you want that's all that matters.

I think people are way over exaggerating how many people would actually decline an invite to the OP's wedding if he stipulated no kids , as i said i would expect at worst a few grumbles and complainers but for the most part people will find a way to make it work.

appledrop

Are you actually for real I never heard anything so ridiculous. You expect people to travel to Portugal for your wedding but not bring their kids!!

We have a 6mth old + there is no way in the world I would go abroad + leave him behind. If you don't want kids at the wedding then you should have arranged your wedding in Ireland.

We went to a wedding when he was a few mths old + we didn't bring him because he was so small + it is hard to have them at a wedding at that age. The difference was the wedding was only 1 hour away not in another country!

Call me Al

Walter H Price wrote: »

The end of the day you cant shape your wedding to suit everyone invited , it has to just be about what you want for the day realistically and people will either get on board with that and find a way to make it work or they wont go , so long as you get the day you want that's all that matters.

I think people are way over exaggerating how many people would actually decline an invite to the OP's wedding if he stipulated no kids , as i said i would expect at worst a few grumbles and complainers but for the most part people will find a way to make it work.

And I completely agree with your point in the first paragraph.

But the op has said he or she is getting feedback that quite a few of the 60 invited have asked can they bring small children (and are being told no) and several of these have indicated that only one half of the couple will attend. This is the way they are making it work, to the disappointment of the poster, meaning this couple are not going to have their day, with 60 guests, they had hoped for.

To dismiss these parents, his family and friends, as grumblers and complainers is very unfair.

pwurple

This depends on the age of the children I think. From about age 6 upwards, they aren't much bother to get minded. They love a sleepover, are able to dress themselves, eat etc. If my children were that age, we would consider going somewhre for a few days without them.

Anything younger than that and it's different. They freak out if you are away a long time, they need more assistance with food, drinks, bathroom/nappy, wouldn't be going to school. It's just a different ball game.

And I'm on the same page with weddings and children. Irish weddings are a glorified piss up, let's face it. And I don't bring my kids drinking with me, it's just weird. If it was a morning wedding, with a lunch and no heavy boozing, yeah sure. but otherwise no.

OP, if the children are young, chances are it will be too awkward to organise. But older families, then it might be ok

Jentle Grenade

We went to a wedding this summer in Malta where the B&G had loads of people bring kids. It was all a bit holiday camp-esque; screaming children at the ceremony (I wanted to cry too, it was roasting hot), breakdown at the meal bit, children running all over the reception and into the pool, parents with sunstroke losing the will to live. I felt sorry for everyone involved to be honest! It's not fair at all on anyone involved.

I'm not against kids at weddings, there's going to be about 15 at mine, but I'm not sure abroad weddings work with them. I was surprised so many were at our friend's wedding truth be told. When you go abroad you have to make sacrifices in other ways I guess, but it does change the whole tone of the entire trip. If it's very family orientated than that's different though.

Walter H Price

Call me Al wrote: »

And I completely agree with your point in the first paragraph.

But the op has said he or she is getting feedback that quite a few of the 60 invited have asked can they bring small children (and are being told no) and several of these have indicated that only one half of the couple will attend. This is the way they are making it work, to the disappointment of the poster, meaning this couple are not going to have their day, with 60 guests, they had hoped for.

To dismiss these parents, his family and friends, as grumblers and complainers is very unfair.

I don't think its a big ask at all to leave the kids with a relative or whatever for a few days like, or if its not possible then just one of the couple go, whats the issue ? i think from my own experience there's allot of grumblers and complainers come crawling out of the woodwork when it comes to weddings.

We've had people whinge about the cost , the distance from Dublin , the no church , the no kids, the menu, the money we're spending on it , the list goes on ... to be honest i think its just rude if your invited either just go or don't but don't be whinging at the bride and groom , the end of the day its there day , there paying for it, it should be exactly as they want it and there's no obligation on anyone to attend so if your really that unhappy with some element of it just don't go, decline polity , dost ask people to change what they want to suit you.

OP you're 100% bang on not to want kids at your wedding , its not a place for children, as i said before the only courtesy i would give your guests is plenty of notice that children will not be invited, to allow them make whatever arrangements they need too.

Zascar

Thanks for the replies all. It's very interesting, as after I wrote this post and went and asked several different groups of people, family, work colleagues, and out at dinner with a big group of people last night. I got an absolutely unanimous decision that no way should I be forced to invite kids if I don't want to. So pretty interesting to see the stark contrast here.

It's actually only 2 families that are complaining. The rest are absolutely fine and actually really looking forward to having some time to themselves. I have two different couples coming from across the atlantic, one has twins of less than a year. Both are leaving the kids with family in Ireland and cant wait for a holiday alone with their friends. For a couple only one are coming and they are fine with that. Another is bringing their kids and will have a babysitter on the day (they had the same rule at their overseas wedding).

The one thing people have told us from the very start about advice for having a wedding is "Do what you want, it's your day - don't get others dictate it - there will always be someone complaining". I've been to plenty of overseas weddings - I've been to plenty of irish weddings that were so expensive it would be cheaper to go overseas! I'm specifically saying No Presents - and they don't have to come if they don't want to - thankfully most are excited to come.

Also when i say it's 3 days - there is a drinks receptions the day before, and the 3rd day we'll all gather at the beach at the hotel to spend the day together. Kids are welcome n the other days but not the wedding day itself. I will definitely look into a child minder at the venue where the parents can pop in and see them any time they want. The hotel actually advertises this -however I suggested it to one and he said no way would he leave his kids with anyone he and they didn't know well. I don't think I can please him to be honest - I'm not changing everything for one guy.

kunst nugget

pwurple wrote: »

This depends on the age of the children I think. From about age 6 upwards, they aren't much bother to get minded. They love a sleepover, are able to dress themselves, eat etc. If my children were that age, we would consider going somewhre for a few days without them.

Anything younger than that and it's different. They freak out if you are away a long time, they need more assistance with food, drinks, bathroom/nappy, wouldn't be going to school. It's just a different ball game.

While I'd be happy to head off to wedding by ourselves somewhere down the country and leave the kids for a day or two, I'd not really be willing to do that when going to another country. Plus, the cost would probably amount to our summer holiday budget which would be doubly unfair on our kids. Me, personally, I wouldn't feel right going over by myself and leaving the rest of my family at home so I'd probably decline the invitation. Tbf, our children are well past the toddler stage so they wouldn't be a distraction at a wedding.

pwurple wrote: »

And I'm on the same page with weddings and children. Irish weddings are a glorified piss up, let's face it. And I don't bring my kids drinking with me, it's just weird. If it was a morning wedding, with a lunch and no heavy boozing, yeah sure. but otherwise no.

OP, if the children are young, chances are it will be too awkward to organise. But older families, then it might be ok

I've had my children at several weddings in Ireland. They were usually up in the bedroom by 9-10 with a babysitter hired from the hotel with regular check ins from one of us. It's never been an issue and they've never seen anything inappropriate or lewd and nobody has been falling about the place before they went to bed. Maybe we need to start going to more debauched weddings…

SarahMollie

Walter H Price wrote: »

I don't think its a big ask at all to leave the kids with a relative or whatever for a few days like, or if its not possible then just one of the couple go, whats the issue ? i think from my own experience there's allot of grumblers and complainers come crawling out of the woodwork when it comes to weddings.

We've had people whinge about the cost , the distance from Dublin , the no church , the no kids, the menu, the money we're spending on it , the list goes on ... to be honest i think its just rude if your invited either just go or don't but don't be whinging at the bride and groom , the end of the day its there day , there paying for it, it should be exactly as they want it and there's no obligation on anyone to attend so if your really that unhappy with some element of it just don't go, decline polity , dost ask people to change what they want to suit you.

OP you're 100% bang on not to want kids at your wedding , its not a place for children, as i said before the only courtesy i would give your guests is plenty of notice that children will not be invited, to allow them make whatever arrangements they need too.

I have to say your post sounds very self absorbed. What couples getting married sometimes forget is that your wedding, while it be be all important to you, is decidedly less important to other people, certainly those outside your immediate family.

But what is important to people, is their own children. Underestimate this are you own risk, but attending a wedding is a big ask financially, so if you start to introduce other logistical hurdles, then you have to be aware that some will decide not to bother.

In the interests of full disclosure, I'm having a child free wedding myself, but we're having it in Dublin City Center - civil ceremony starting later in the day, and no day 2 or any other additional fussing, so its really not that onerous for our (few ) guests to have children. If we'd decided to go with a destination wedding, then I know I wouldn't dream of asking them to use Annual Leave on a holiday where I dictate who from their family can go.

Walter H Price

Zascar wrote: »

Thanks for the replies all. It's very interesting, as after I wrote this post and went and asked several different groups of people, family, work colleagues, and out at dinner with a big group of people last night. I got an absolutely unanimous decision that no way should I be forced to invite kids if I don't want to. So pretty interesting to see the stark contrast here.

It's actually only 2 families that are complaining. The rest are absolutely fine and actually really looking forward to having some time to themselves. I have two different couples coming from across the atlantic, one has twins of less than a year. Both are leaving the kids with family in Ireland and cant wait for a holiday alone with their friends. For a couple only one are coming and they are fine with that. Another is bringing their kids and will have a babysitter on the day (they had the same rule at their overseas wedding).

The one thing people have told us from the very start about advice for having a wedding is "Do what you want, it's your day - don't get others dictate it - there will always be someone complaining". I've been to plenty of overseas weddings - I've been to plenty of irish weddings that were so expensive it would be cheaper to go overseas! I'm specifically saying No Presents - and they don't have to come if they don't want to - thankfully most are excited to come.

Also when i say it's 3 days - there is a drinks receptions the day before, and the 3rd day we'll all gather at the beach at the hotel to spend the day together. Kids are welcome n the other days but not the wedding day itself. I will definitely look into a child minder at the venue where the parents can pop in and see them any time they want. The hotel actually advertises this -however I suggested it to one and he said no way would he leave his kids with anyone he and they didn't know well. I don't think I can please him to be honest - I'm not changing everything for one guy.

Fair play OP , good decision , you will always get one or two wingers but you cant be expected to shape your day to suit them.

SarahMollie wrote: »

I have to say your post sounds very self absorbed. What couples getting married sometimes forget is that your wedding, while it be be all important to you, is decidedly less important to other people, certainly those outside your immediate family.

But what is important to people, is their own children. Underestimate this are you own risk, but attending a wedding is a big ask financially, so if you start to introduce other logistical hurdles, then you have to be aware that some will decide not to bother.

In the interests of full disclosure, I'm having a child free wedding myself, but we're having it in Dublin City Center - civil ceremony starting later in the day, and no day 2 or any other additional fussing, so its really not that onerous for our (few ) guests to have children. If we'd decided to go with a destination wedding, then I know I wouldn't dream of asking them to use Annual Leave on a holiday where I dictate who from their family can go.

Our wedding is about us , were spending a fortune to have it exactly how we want it , people will be invited , there is no obligation on them to attend, if they would rather not because of the distance , cost , menu , no kids, dress stipulated etc... that's fine , i just don't want to have to listen to them whinge about it , its not their day , not about them in the slightest all they have to do is show up , eat, drink and be merry or polity decline. We've gone to weddings away , black tie weddings , weddings where your assigned a specific gift to buy etc... never complained to the bride and groom about any of it, i think its the height of rudeness to be honest , if i had a major issue with any of it (which i haven't) i would have just declined the invite politely. i think its far more self centered and absorbed to start b!tching at people about your kids not being invited to a party you haven't paid for , as if in some way the day is in any way about you.

kunst nugget

Zascar wrote: »

Thanks for the replies all. It's very interesting, as after I wrote this post and went and asked several different groups of people, family, work colleagues, and out at dinner with a big group of people last night. I got an absolutely unanimous decision that no way should I be forced to invite kids if I don't want to. So pretty interesting to see the stark contrast here.

It's actually only 2 families that are complaining. The rest are absolutely fine and actually really looking forward to having some time to themselves. I have two different couples coming from across the atlantic, one has twins of less than a year. Both are leaving the kids with family in Ireland and cant wait for a holiday alone with their friends. For a couple only one are coming and they are fine with that. Another is bringing their kids and will have a babysitter on the day (they had the same rule at their overseas wedding).

The one thing people have told us from the very start about advice for having a wedding is "Do what you want, it's your day - don't get others dictate it - there will always be someone complaining". I've been to plenty of overseas weddings - I've been to plenty of irish weddings that were so expensive it would be cheaper to go overseas! I'm specifically saying No Presents - and they don't have to come if they don't want to - thankfully most are excited to come.

Also when i say it's 3 days - there is a drinks receptions the day before, and the 3rd day we'll all gather at the beach at the hotel to spend the day together. Kids are welcome n the other days but not the wedding day itself. I will definitely look into a child minder at the venue where the parents can pop in and see them any time they want. The hotel actually advertises this -however I suggested it to one and he said no way would he leave his kids with anyone he and they didn't know well. I don't think I can please him to be honest - I'm not changing everything for one guy.

Tbf, it doesn't sound like much of an issue for you at all then if it is only 2 couples and actually only one guy being difficult. The one guy could have other reasons for not being able to attend your wedding and is using the child-free thing as an excuse. I wouldn't really be worrying about it.