Giving co - workers lifts

CowBella

Anyone have any advice on getting out of giving a co worker lifts to work, in the mornings?
I appreciate I am going to the same direction, but I feel under pressure to be at the meeting point every morning.
I have to drop my child off first and always feel stressed and anxious!

Nervous Wreck

"My schedule has changed in the mornings; I won't be able to pick you up anymore."

holy guacamole

Do they give you money at the end of the week for the lifts?

CowBella

No. I don't really mind the money side of it, as I am going that way. I just find it an added stress!

holy guacamole

CowBella wrote: »

No. I don't really mind the money side of it, as I am going that way. I just find it an added stress!

Should ask for money even if you are already going that way.

Although if you've been giving this person lifts for a while it may seem strange if you suddenly ask for money. In truth, they should have offered by now, and insisted if you refused.

A few extra quid won't make you less stressed but it might bring a bit of balance to an arrangement which currently seems to be heavily weighted in your work colleague's favour.

lab man

Tell em your joining a gym wait till after Xmas. .

Senna

What stress, just say youll be passing around x time, not on the dot of X, if your 15 minutes late, oh well. Get a bus if you don't like it.

Mrs OBumble

Don't ask for money - they may be quite wiling to pay, and it would trap you into the arrangement. Also it could have implications for your insurance.

CowBella

I must look into that, thank you!

glomar

i think it does effect your insurance for social and domestic use , it could be questioned if there was a claim .
This came up in work when the last big freeze came in , they expected people to go to the bus stops - luas stations to pick up people to get them to the office . Once it was pointed out that you wouldnt be covered under most insurance policies HR recinded the request .

Alternatively you could just say " Get your own car ! " But seriously just mention your scheduling has changed and you cannot accomdate the free lifts in the morning .

Dee01

holy guacamole wrote: »

Should ask for money even if you are already going that way.

Although if you've been giving this person lifts for a while it may seem strange if you suddenly ask for money. In truth, they should have offered by now, and insisted if you refused.

A few extra quid won't make you less stressed but it might bring a bit of balance to an arrangement which currently seems to be heavily weighted in your work colleague's favour.

But they don't want to do this anymore, so why ask for money when you're looking to change the arrangement?

I think the best option is to do as above. I'll be passing *around* this time. Don't put yourself under pressure. You're doing them a favour, if they're not happy with late/early arrival, let them get the bus.

ArthurG

A lot of the advice on this forum tends to involve making up elaborate lies to manage situations that could be resolved by simply having an adult conversation.

Just tell the person involved that you have to drop your kid off in the morning and that if they cannot be at the designated place on the dot, you cannot hang around.

midnight city

Its a real imposition to expect someone to take you to work every day for free. What if you want to take a day off or leave early or leave late you feel obliged to let them know.

I used to have a co worker that relied on me to take them home for lunch and back as we both lived near each other. The learned to drive then so it stopped. I won't let myself get caught up in that arrangement again.

What other alternative do they have is there a bus on route. Are they learning to drive.

_Brian

I sorta got caught with this a few times and the lad wasn't a great timekeeper.

I'd pull up at his house and have to wait maybe 10 minutes.

I started just leaving if he wasn't standing out at the roadside, he asked and I said I couldn't be late, if he was waiting I'd stop. Was in time for maybe a week and then again I just drove past when he wasn't there.

He said it was ok he'd make alternative arrangements. Occasionally he'd text for a lift but he'd always be standing ready if he did.

galah

If you pick them up at their place, you could just text them when you leave creche/school (and tell them you'll be there in x minutes from that time?)

I usually pick up a colleague as i am always passing their house - i tell them what time to be outside at (as i know how long it takes from my house to theirs and i know when i'll leave, roughly). Agreement is that if they are not outside, i'll just keep going and they can take the bus.

No pressure, no hassle, just a text, really.

Got caught with this years ago though - shockingly unreliable colleague, i was left waiting for him one day for almost an hour, i then took off to work as he didnt show and wouldnt answer his phone, and then he had the cheek to give out to me for not waiting for him when he eventually made it to work - three hours later. Suffice to say that was the end of lifts for him. :mad:

5rtytry56

_Brian wrote: »

I sorta got caught with this a few times and the lad wasn't a great timekeeper.

I'd pull up at his house and have to wait maybe 10 minutes.

I started just leaving if he wasn't standing out at the roadside, he asked and I said I couldn't be late, if he was waiting I'd stop. Was in time for maybe a week and then again I just drove past when he wasn't there.

He said it was ok he'd make alternative arrangements. Occasionally he'd text for a lift but he'd always be standing ready if he did.

"Way back when" I had to take a lift from my work collegue, he simply informed me that if I was'nt on the street there and then to be collected
he would drive on.

- No hard feelings. It's on them to WAIT AROUND.

bfa1509

Oh God, I hate people who expect lifts from people! One poor ex colleague of mine had to bring a girl from Galway to Kildare every friday evening on his way home to Dublin for about a year. The girl was a typical princess who expected everything to be done for her. She would offer no token of gratitude either as 'he was going that way anyway' (even though he had to divert for 20 mins to get her to a point that he could drop her off safely)

The same girl often used to ask me for a lift home to her apartment during the week too, but I used to tell her that the traffic was too bad to go that way.

Although it's too late to say it now, my best advice is to nip it in the bud from the start and never give any colleague, friend, family member a lift. Ever. (unless you are sure it's a once off)

TheDoc

ArthurG wrote: »

A lot of the advice on this forum tends to involve making up elaborate lies to manage situations that could be resolved by simply having an adult conversation.

Just tell the person involved that you have to drop your kid off in the morning and that if they cannot be at the designated place on the dot, you cannot hang around.

Yeah seriously, sometimes I actually dread how people make it out of their house in the morning.

Your doing a massive favour for a colleague. Massive to be fair, especially if your not taking a few quid or their not offering for petrol/diesel.

"Listen going to have to knock the lift thing on the head, I'm too frantic in the morning with the little one and then I'm worrying about getting you"

You'll likely get a mortified response of "oh my god of course, jesus listen thanks a million you've been great no worries"

Or if you get some snooty aggressive response, then why are you bothering helping this person out? You just say you can't AND STOP PICKING THEM UP

Come on now. Your a grown up. Just get it sorted

midnight city

They are obviously working tell them to go and learn to drive.

Neyite

"listen, just wanted to give you a bit of a heads up that my morning routine will be changing after Christmas, so I wont be able to give you lifts any more, sorry about that here's a bus timetable"

cruais

Just tell the truth. No point in telling a lie as it always comes out in the end.

amtc

I kind of had the opposite issue. A colleague drove past me at the bus stop every day and picked me up. He had very heavy metal music on and I arrived at work all pumped up, and I missed my book and today fm. It got to a stage where I was practically hiding behind the bus shelter.

Just say as clear as you can that not possible due to schedule...

orthsquel

CowBella wrote: »

Anyone have any advice on getting out of giving a co worker lifts to work, in the mornings?
I appreciate I am going to the same direction, but I feel under pressure to be at the meeting point every morning.
I have to drop my child off first and always feel stressed and anxious!

You're not under any obligation to provide a lift, even if you are going the same way. That colleague is not your responsibility.

tbh I'd just come out and say that you can't give a lift anymore - you don't have to justify your decision or offer an explanation as to why.

Your colleague may not know that it is causing you stress and anxiety, if you continue you may grow to resent it and feel trapped. If they are upset with your decision, it's really not your problem and it's not your responsibility to get them to work.

amtc

With my work colleague I just said after a while that I needed head space going into work so I took my own car and he got message. I had to pay or got bus.

amtc

With my work colleague I just said after a while that I needed head space going into work so I took my own car and he got message. I had to pay or got bus.

amtc

amtc wrote: »

I kind of had the opposite issue. A colleague drove past me at the bus stop every day and picked me up. He had very heavy metal music on and I arrived at work all pumped up, and I missed my book and today fm. It got to a stage where I was practically hiding behind the bus shelter.

Just say as clear as you can that not possible due to schedule...

That was me too! A friend of mine & her mother used to drive by my bus stop every morning, they both worked in the next town like me ( we all had different workplaces). My friends mother was like fr ted's mrs doyle "go on get in you will" etc. And while i was very grateful i didnt feel comfortable at all, the two of them woukd be either fighting or ignoring each other with an awkward silence.

Eventually i had to bite the bullet & tell my friend that id rather go on the bus, and i used the excuse that it was my chance to catch up on my prep for the day ahead, quiet time to read over reports etc. ( total lie, i just chilled with a coffee for 20 mins) things were a bit strained between us after that, but im glad I did it all the same, it can be challenging trying to harmonise with someone elses schedule.

Tom Dunne

Oh Lordy, I fell into that trap a few years ago.

A colleague wanted a lift. As a single woman, with no car, i felt sorry for her. First mistake.

Have you ever heard the phrase "Nature abhors a vacuum?" Well this person abhors a silence. It was incessant blathering nonsense talk about her f**king cats and her (lack of) love life.

At one stage, I set up the car radio so that it would be low when I picked her up, but as the speed increased, the volume would increase accordingly. What did she do? Start singing along to the music.

I started altering my time - she waited around, even going to the extent of waiting until 7:00pm one evening. At that point I realised I had to grow a pair and tell her "it's not you, it's me". And in fairness, she was very good about it.

That's what has to be done. If it's stressing you out, you need to sort it.

CowBella

midnight city wrote: »

Its a real imposition to expect someone to take you to work every day for free. What if you want to take a day off or leave early or leave late you feel obliged to let them know.

I used to have a co worker that relied on me to take them home for lunch and back as we both lived near each other. The learned to drive then so it stopped. I won't let myself get caught up in that arrangement again.

What other alternative do they have is there a bus on route. Are they learning to drive.

Neither, I'm afraid. I am very non confrontational and they're pretty much the exact opposite.
I just need to grow a back bone!

NIMAN

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Don't ask for money - they may be quite wiling to pay, and it would trap you into the arrangement. Also it could have implications for your insurance.

I work with 2 guys who used to car share, only one of them did the driving.

One day a few years ago the car slipped on black ice and went into a ditch. The passenger put a claim in against the driver.

Needless to say they do not car share any more.

It can be more hassle than its worth. I often get called upon to do this, but it isn't always convenient. If you are meant to be at a certain point at a certain time, and you sleep in, you feel bad. If you are sick during the night, you feel under pressure to go to work anyway as someone is relying on you.

CowBella

TheDoc wrote: »

Yeah seriously, sometimes I actually dread how people make it out of their house in the morning.

Your doing a massive favour for a colleague. Massive to be fair, especially if your not taking a few quid or their not offering for petrol/diesel.

"Listen going to have to knock the lift thing on the head, I'm too frantic in the morning with the little one and then I'm worrying about getting you"

You'll likely get a mortified response of "oh my god of course, jesus listen thanks a million you've been great no worries"

Or if you get some snooty aggressive response, then why are you bothering helping this person out? You just say you can't AND STOP PICKING THEM UP

Come on now. Your a grown up. Just get it sorted

This will be my New Years resolution!

Ursus Horribilis

You've got a great excuse here - your child. Just tell them your morning schedule has changed and you won't be able to pick them up from the start of the new year. Don't be apologetic about it at all. Stated it as a fact and don't get involved in a debate about it. Be firm but polite.

road_high

Jesus how do real people get into this piss take positions, it's beyond me. I'd love if someone collected me each morn and dropped me off to work- sadly I live in the real world!

Ursus Horribilis

NIMAN wrote: »

It can be more hassle than its worth. I often get called upon to do this, but it isn't always convenient. If you are meant to be at a certain point at a certain time, and you sleep in, you feel bad. If you are sick during the night, you feel under pressure to go to work anyway as someone is relying on you.

At one stage in my office, there were 4 guys who car shared. It's just as well that the arrangement fizzled out over time. From what I could see, they lost sight of the money they were saving on fuel and it started annoying them all in different ways. People not being ready to leave the house when the car pulled up. Having to come to work early/later than they'd like. Having to leave at a time that didn't suit everyone. The way certain people drove...

I would hate to get tied up in an arrangement like this. I've occasionally given colleagues lifts when they've been stuck and have been more than happy to do so. One-offs are fine. Being tied into a rigid arrangement which takes away your freedom is a completely different ball game

05eaftqbrs9jlh

This happened me. I wasn't even going the same way, she claimed at first to just want a lift to the bus stop (she was grossly obese) but then she started saying about how much time I was saving her (1.5h+) of a commute. She got to know my bloody schedule and would very subtly (she thought) guilt me into bringing her the extra 20mins (each way) to her house on particularly nasty days.

I did it out of massive sympathy for her and my own stupidity. I was kind of glad when I finished working there because I felt nothing but contempt and pity for her miserable life by the end.

Get out while you still can, if they're half the moocher failure my idiot was.

heldel00

My friend won't even give his wife and lift to work because she talks non stop!
They each get into separate cars and commute an hour to offices within 20 mins of each other. She knows herself she's a blatherer so it's the best arrangment for the sake of their marriage.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

heldel00 wrote:

My friend won't even give his wife and lift to work because she talks non stop! They each get into separate cars and commute an hour to offices within 20 mins of each other. She knows herself she's a blatherer so it's the best arrangment for the sake of their marriage.

That's a pretty sad insight about their relationship

Heckler

I used to bring a co-worker in along. No bother it was on my way. We got along fine. He never offered any money, wouldn't have taken it anyway but the gesture would have been nice. I'd always offer up even with good friends if we were taking a long trip.

I'd pick him up at the same spot everyday. Once or twice he wasn't there so I motored up along the route he'd take to meet me to see if he was running late. No sign of him. After that if he wasn't there when I was passing I'd just drive on.

Hes moved since so no more lifts.

Lots of fellas in my work get a lift from others. Some take the piss alright. One guy went out of his way to pick a fella up only for him not to be there so much he told him to **** off and make his own way.

K.Flyer

CowBella wrote: »

Anyone have any advice on getting out of giving a co worker lifts to work, in the mornings?
I appreciate I am going to the same direction, but I feel under pressure to be at the meeting point every morning.
I have to drop my child off first and always feel stressed and anxious!

Is it possible to try an alternative route for a while until they start to figure out how to get themselves to work.

CowBella

heldel00 wrote: »

My friend won't even give his wife and lift to work because she talks non stop!
They each get into separate cars and commute an hour to offices within 20 mins of each other. She knows herself she's a blatherer so it's the best arrangment for the sake of their marriage.

I needed that laugh, thank you!!

NIMAN

If you're a grown adult and have to rely on another person to get you to work, you need to take a good look at yourself.

Can't stand these overly reliant people who can't drive, show no interest in driving but want lifted and laid by drivers.

midnight city

NIMAN wrote: »

If you're a grown adult and have to rely on another person to get you to work, you need to take a good look at yourself.

Can't stand these overly reliant people who can't drive, show no interest in driving but want lifted and laid by drivers.

And they never really appreciate the inconvenience it causes the driver. I work local now but when I had to travel a decent distance to work I loved the solitude. To listen to the radio or a cd or even just to think about stuff.

Ursus Horribilis

CowBella wrote: »

Neither, I'm afraid. I am very non confrontational and they're pretty much the exact opposite.
I just need to grow a back bone!

Maybe you might consider doing an assertiveness training course? If you're the type who avoids conflict and gets caught up in situations like this, then what do you have to lose? Learning how to say no and to stand up for yourself is one of the best skills you can have.

Mrs OBumble

NIMAN wrote: »

If you're a grown adult and have to rely on another person to get you to work, you need to take a good look at yourself.

Can't stand these overly reliant people who can't drive, show no interest in driving but want lifted and laid by drivers.

What about ones who have illnesses which mean they're not able to drive. Or ones who can't afford a car. Or ones who give a damn about the planet so cgoose to to pollute it with daily commuting.

(That said I'd never take a job which i couldn't get to using public transport. Occasional lifts from colleagues is fine, daily would be a PITA for all concerned.)

pilly

This person has some cheek not to be even offering money up for the petrol. Apart from that though to be honest it wouldn't stress me.

I'd do things at my own pace in the morning and pick them up whenever I got there. If they don't like it they can find an alternative.

jackofalltrades

NIMAN wrote: »

Can't stand these overly reliant people who can't drive, show no interest in driving but want lifted and laid by drivers.

Non-drivers are the absolute worst people to give lifts to.
Some act like you owe them, for being "lucky" enough to have a car.
Rarely offering petrol money and some give you driving tips.:rolleyes:

road_high

jackofalltrades wrote: »

Non-drivers are the absolute worst people to give lifts to.
Some act like you owe them, for being "lucky" enough to have a car.
Rarely offering petrol money and some give you driving tips.:rolleyes:

Simple solution to all the above- never offer unless it suits you and you know or either like the person well. And also if it's a regular thing, time to get their own car st that stage!

road_high

CowBella wrote: »

Neither, I'm afraid. I am very non confrontational and they're pretty much the exact opposite.
I just need to grow a back bone!

They know that too, it's like why they have you in this position in the first place. Time to look out for no 1 here, you barely even have to explain how or why. You owe this person zilch. End of story

Neyite

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

What about ones who have illnesses which mean they're not able to drive. Or ones who can't afford a car. Or ones who give a damn about the planet so cgoose to to pollute it with daily commuting.

They could cycle.

In fact, the cycle to work scheme is a great way to get non-drivers on the road in a self-sufficient way. But I'm willing to bet the vast majority of those who expect to be chauffeured to wherever they want to go would never dream of getting on a bike.

Oodoov

Tell them they'll have to ride in the boot. that'll be the end of it OP.