Rent allowance need advice

Someday soon

Hi all,

I'm new to Boards so if I make any mistakes please let me know.

I'm in desperate need of advice. Here's my situation.

I currently live with my girlfriend (ex?). We have 4 children together. We've been together over 22 years and living together for 14 years in a council house.

I am heartbroken to say that we have come to an end. The last 10 years we've had it really tough between both of us losing 6 close family members between us, losing our jobs, piling up debts, one of our children has mental issues which is effecting the whole family. Needless to say we are both pretty depressed and haven't been out socially for years, apart from funerals. We've always made an effort to bring the children on days out but nothing for ourselves.

It's been constant arguments for the last few years, pretty bad one's. It got so bad that we we're openly arguing in front of the children the last year or so. My girlfriend ( I am going to say girlfriend as I can't bear to use ex yet) has told me that I have to go and she's really serious. She's been telling me to go for months but I refused to listen but I know I have to go now. She has said that I can stay for Christmas but I need to go as soon as the kids go back to school in January.

The thing is and this is my question I just don't know where to go. I've no family left apart from one sister and we don't get on. I have asked her can I stay for awhile but she refused point blank as I would be sleeping on the sofa and she says it wouldn't be good for her children.

I don't know where I am going to go. I know about rent allowance but I don't even know if I would be eligible. I know even if I was that the most it would be would be a bedsit which is absolutely fine.I also know that the housing situation is dire and it's very unlikely even if I was accepted for rent allowance that I would even find anywhere. I don't know can I even apply to see am I eligible seeing as at the moment I am still living with my gf and she can't take me off the rent till I leave but then I've nowhere to go.

To make matters worse even if I did get accepted for RA I have no references as I moved straight from my parents who are now dead in with my girlfriend so I have never rented privately.

I would really, really appreciate any advice on what to do if anything. Also, please don't judge me for asking about rent allowance as I have no other options as I have absolutely no savings and no luck with finding a job in over 3 years.

Please don't suggest relationship counselling, or talking to my gf to let me stay longer as it has gone too far for that.

Apologies for the very long post.

cronos

<quote snipped >

I'd suggest making contact here https://www.focusireland.ie/i-need-help/

Dublin City
Advice & Info Coffee Shop
Tel: 01 671 25 55
Email: dublinadvice@focusireland.ie
Email: coffeeshop@focusireland.ie

Someday soon

Thank you. I'm going to look at it now

exaisle

Someday soon wrote: »

Hi all,

I'm new to Boards so if I make any mistakes please let me know.
<SNIP>

Apologies for the very long post.

No apology necessary. It was very brave of you to reveal your problems.
Hopefully some of the good folk here can be of assistance.

Someday soon

Thank you "exaisle"

Gatling

I believe you would have to remove your name from the council house first ,
Then reapply to the housing list as a single person ,
Generally to get rent supplement you have to be privately renting for 6 months on your own before your eligible and be on the housing list ,
Then you have to find a landlord Willing to accept rent supplement which is a difficultly it's self ,
I'd would talk to your local housing authority first and then social welfare and go from there .

RabbleRouser2k

IF you are renting, you can get the rent allowance paid into your account rather than having to get it paid direct to the landlord. Your landlord will fill in the forms to help you out, but it can take a while for them to process. As others have mentioned, it is either 5 to 6 months renting before you may apply-as you must be in the same residence for a certain length of time.

I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles, I hope that some sort of resolution may come to place. Also I hope, as someone who has suffered from my own mental health issues, that your child gets all the help they need. Early intervention and knowing the root cause, be it physiological, such as hormones or thyroid issues, or circumstances and things going on that are beyond one's control, may be important to figure out.

I hope things get better for you, it may seem dark now, but in the future things should brighten up.

rawn

I feel for you OP. Maybe you'd get better answers in State Benefits? Best of luck

Amazingfun

It seems ridiculous that you are just automatically told to leave the home you both share.

Is she not aware you are without means to house yourself at present?
Was it her home first or something, are the children not yours as well? Why is all this worry and stress your problem alone?

rawn

Amazingfun wrote: »

It seems ridiculous that you are just automatically told to leave the home you both share.

Is she not aware you are without means to house yourself at present?
Was it her home first or something, are the children not yours as well? Why is all this worry and stress your problem alone?

He said it was her home, she owns it, presumably, and they're not married.

jameorahiely

rawn wrote: »

He said it was her home, she owns it, presumably, and they're not married.

It's a council house. OP are both your names on the lease?

Gatling

Gatling wrote: »

I believe you would have to remove your name from the council house first ,
Then reapply to the housing list as a single person...............
I'd would talk to your local housing authority first and then social welfare and go from there .

All of the above is correct.
I'd do the piece in bold asap.

Also......

Someday soon wrote: »

..............

I would really, really appreciate any advice on what to do if anything...........

I would refuse to leave. Sleeping bag in the front room and make yourself scarce during the day/evenings as much as possible but do not leave your home.
There is a significant risk of homelessness.

Amazingfun

rawn wrote: »

He said it was her home, she owns it, presumably, and they're not married.

No, he didn't say that.

It just seems unfair that he automatically is assumed to be the one who has to leave the minute the relationship ends. Why doesn't she leave?

Mrs OBumble

Amazingfun wrote: »

No, he didn't say that.

It just seems unfair that he automatically is assumed to be the one who has to leave the minute the relationship ends. Why doesn't she leave?

Presumably because shes going to be the main caregiver for the kids, and its less disruptive for them if they don't have to move.


OP your first stop is the council housing office. They'e heard versions of this story many times before and can advise about your rights and responsibilites to the current lease (you cannot just walk away or be thrown out, no matter how much your GF wants it), and also your options.

Are you working now?

Amazingfun

But even that, the assumption that she is automatically the caregiver and get to keep her home with relatively little disruption to her life, as he is thrown into chaos. Is this "equality"?

El Weirdo

Amazingfun wrote: »

But even that, the assumption that she is automatically the caregiver and get to keep her home with relatively little disruption to her life, as he is thrown into chaos. Is this "equality"?

There is nothing in the OP to suggest that this was just assumed. There's every possibility that the OP and his ex have actually sat down and discussed it, and come to an agreement.

Amazingfun

El Weirdo wrote: »

There is nothing in the OP to suggest that this was just assumed. There's every possibility that the OP and his ex have actually sat down and discussed it, and come to an agreement.

I don't get that from what he said. All we know for sure so far is she gets to keep the house and the kids, and he is expected to fend for himself under very dire circumstances.

Maybe he will return and fill in some of the details.

rawn

Amazingfun wrote:

I don't get that from what he said. All we know for sure so far is she gets to keep the house and the kids, and he is expected to fend for himself under very dire circumstances.

To be fair, if that was the case I'm sure he would have asked for advice about his entitlement to staying in the house.
On a side note, when my parents split up, my dad stayed in the council house with us and my mam moved out, as it was what they deemed to be best for us at the time , and their split was far from amicable. The fact that OP is allowed to stay temporarily at least suggests there is communication and compromise between the two.

Amazingfun

But this is what's curious to me, that he just seems to accept that its he that must leave. We simply don't know any different at this stage.

jameorahiely

rawn wrote: »

To be fair, if that was the case I'm sure he would have asked for advice about his entitlement to staying in the house.
On a side note, when my parents split up, my dad stayed in the council house with us and my mam moved out, as it was what they deemed to be best for us at the time , and their split was far from amicable. The fact that OP is allowed to stay temporarily at least suggests there is communication and compromise between the two.

Allowed? Who does he need permission from? If his name is on the lease he has as much right to be there as the ex-partner .

rawn

jameorahiely wrote:

Allowed? Who does he need permission from? If his name is on the lease he has as much right to be there as the ex-partner .

I just meant that she isn't trying to force him out of the door immediately, and that they're seemingly communicating

Gatling

Amazingfun wrote: »

But this is what's curious to me, that he just seems to accept that its he that must leave. We simply don't know any different at this stage.

It's better for all involved not to be living in a toxic environment ,it's certainly not good for the children involved , especially if one has extra needs and certainly not good for the op ,
Last thing people need in a situation like that is one side feeling they need to have the other person removed or protection orders been saught .

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karenalot

From a landlords perspective I would suggest you try and get HAP (Housing Assistance Payment) instead of Rent Supplement. Most counties are doing HAP now and Dublin does it under a homeless scheme. HAP is preferable to landlords as means that your rent will be paid directly to them and it allows tenants to work full time (less wear and tear, less chance of being unable to meet other household bills etc). If the landlord rents to a social tenant for 3 years they also qualify for 100% interest relief on their mortgage.

HAP under the homeless scheme does not have the 6 month prior renting stipulation that Rent Supplement did. Bear in mind however you might be looking at only qualifying for an amount for shared accommodation even though you have children.

If you are located in Dublin, Dublin Placefinder Services offer a service where they try and locate accommodtion under HAP (not easy though) for homeless households and arrange for the rental deposit to be paid on your behalf.

TresGats

Gatling wrote: »

It's better for all involved not to be living in a toxic environment ,it's certainly not good for the children involved , especially if one has extra needs and certainly not good for the op ,
Last thing people need in a situation like that is one side feeling they need to have the other person removed or protection orders been saught .

So it's better for the OP to take his chances with the Homeless Dept and have a good percentage of being offered a shyte quality sleeping bag in January? Do you think that would be good for all concerned?

The children quite possibly knowing their father is living on the streets. A single male with no health problems is deemed 'low risk' for rough sleeping.

OP I agree you should stay in the home, be it spare room, bunching in with kids, or the sofa. You would be common law partners years now, you also need to check about common-law spouses rights, as you have quite a lot even though not marred.
Do you have dual guardianship of the children? If not, try do it asap, it will mean that you will be seen as a father with children to accomodate.
Good luck.

Someday soon

I appreciate all the advice from everyone. It is a council house. My gf is tenant because she lived there first and I am a subtenant (not sure of the difference).

It makes it sound like my gf is a bad person but she's really not. She has given me chance after chance but I just kept blowing it and even now I just can't get my self together. I haven't been great help with the kids either due to depression but she's lost family too and she's had to hold it all together. I kind of just blocked myself off from family life and spent a lot of time in bed and when I was around in body I wasn't in mind.

I wake up night sometimes to hear her crying in bed or I look over at her during the day and catch her at times with tears running down her face. The atmosphere is very bad and it's terrible for the kids. Our youngest is very angry with me at the moment and is saying she hates me, even though normally she is a very loving child and my 2nd eldest who has mental health issues is playing the my gf and me against each other, mostly my fault as I let her away with murder because it's easier for me.

My gf did want me to go immediately after our last argument but she said that I can stay till after Christmas. She said that she was really sorry but she can't take it any longer and that she wanted to finish it for years but because she knew I had nowhere to go she tried to keep going. She said that she will help me in anyway she can but I've got to go as it is affecting the kids too much. It's sad for both of us.

Staying in with the kids is not an option as the rooms are tiny and I definitely think it would cause more damage to the kids seeing that.

I would really appreciate more advice on the housing side of things as I don't really want to talk about the relationship breakdown further. It's half a lifetime of memories and regrets about things that I can't change now. I've admitted a lot of things here that I only really admitted to myself recently.

I am going to ring Focus and Hap tomorrow.

Thanks

davindub

Check out rent allowance as well. It won't go far if you live in Dublin, but consider areas outside Dublin on the train line, etc. Outside Dublin you have a better chance of getting somewhere to accept rent allowance.

One thing you might do when settled is to try do a Vec course, you might get a job out of it, or you might not, but at least there is some structure and something to take your mind off other things. There was a scheme for web design a couple of years ago, one of my friends did it, it helped him to take a interest in something and he eventually got a job out of it.

Actually there was also a scheme for mature students who were on the dole for at least 2 years, you could keep your benefits while attending full time in a college and work so many hours a week. Not sure if it is still running though.

Hope it all works out

Atari Jaguar

Hi OP. I would just jump in to correct some people here - the rules for getting rent allowance are

Be assessed as needing social housing (be on the council list)

OR


Be renting 6 months 186 days out of the last 12 months.

It's not both, its either or.

The_Conductor

Atari Jaguar and Surreptitious- please do not argue on thread as you have just done- you're totally derailing the thread having a public spat in this manner.

OP (Original Poster) (Someday Soon) - you need to do your own research and exercise due caution regarding information you are offered on the internet- even those who post with the best of intentions, can through no fault of their own, unintentionally misdirect you. You need to get your facts straight- as they pertain to you.

As an aside- the different councils unfortunately, do not consistently apply the rules in a similar manner- the process as it pertains to Dublin City Council- may (and does) differ from South Dublin Co. Council and indeed other local authority areas.

OP- be careful, and good luck.

Mrs OBumble

Someday soon, having seen your last post, I now think that you need to start by visiting your GP - or even better which ever health professional has been helping you with the depression.

Ask them if they can refer you to any housing assistance.

Also, get a letter for the council from them, outlining the situation and your medical needs. Because you have a disability (yes, depression counts as a disability) there are housing options available to you which aren't available to other people your age. But the council can only offer you these if they have a letter about your needs.

Then take the letter to the council.

Also, try and think if there are any other options: are there any friends who might be able to help (I know it's a long shot, but you need to try). Did your GF take the kids to church to make their communion - can you ask the priest if he knows anyone who's looking for a lodger? Have you been to any depression support groups, can you go back there again and ask if anyone knows of something? Etc.

Someday soon

Thank you for your advice.

<medical discussion snipped>

I really don't think that the council would have anything to offer me. I know how bad the housing situation is and how many people are homeless especially families.

I don't have any friends left as over the years they drifted away as I shut myself off from everybody.

I haven't been to any support groups. I was offered counselling but I was so bad that I just didn't go to any of the appointments.



I

athtrasna

Mod note

This forum is accommodation and property and the thread is about rent allowance. Medical advice is against Boards rules and discussing medical conditions and giving relationship advice is beyond the remit of the forum. I know you're trying to help the OP but please stick to the topic at hand ie rent allowance /accommodation. Thanks

goz83

To the OP. My Brother was in a very similar situation. He has 2 kids with his wife. They separated nearly 5 years ago. She left with the kids and took up a rented apartment with rent allowance, leaving my Brother to fend for himself. She also took the deposit and anything of any value....but the important part is that he went onto the council list Dublin City North and waited until last week to finally get council accommodation. He couldn't find anywhere with rent allowance. He got custody of one of his children 6 months ago and was offered the HAP scheme....but nothing was available, despite the considerable sum available to him under the scheme. There was simply no accommodation available to him as a single man. Having his son under his custody changed this and he got housed relatively quickly after that. He also had family to support him through the bad times and give him a bed, or couch to sleep on.

Your main priority is to seek help now and not just with housing. You've realised there needs to be change, so use this to change your life for you and your children. Good luck.