Have you been 'sexually assaulted/harassed by a woman?

py2006

In light of recent conversations centering around 'rape culture' in Ireland etc (Lets not get into a debate over its existence or not). Most media comment would suggest it only affects a particular gender. Which got me thinking...

I thought I'd ask the men here in tGC to provide personal examples (should they feel comfortable doing so) or occasions were they have witnessed what would be deemed as harassment, assault, generally inappropriate behaviour etc of a sexual nature.

In my experiences a lot of what could fall into the categories above are dismissed by men for whatever reason. They either don't (or indeed can't) make a big deal of it or just laugh it off and get on with things.

My experiences:

1) In clubs, without being a frequent clubber, I had my crotch grabbed, ass pinched and even nipple pinched so hard I had to hold back tears.
2) At 15 while working in a bar, I had my ass pinched.
3) In the workplace I have had female colleagues commenting on how well I looked in my jeans and even joking about the bulge in my jeans.
4) I've overheard a female staff after meeting the new handsome manager, "I know what I'd let him do to me".

Now, for number 3, my only reaction was embarrassment. I didn't at the time see it as a big deal. However, later that day, I was taken aside by a male colleague who pointed out that if I had made a similar comment...

Anyway, anybody like to share similar experiences or comment on mine?

Zulu

By the current apparent definition of 'sexually assaulted/harassed' yeah loads of times - i worked lounge staff on Tuesday nights at a certain nightclub in Dublin. EVERYONE got assaulted. but I don't agree with that definition tbh. And that leads to a different topic so I'll leave that there....

jester77

Same experience. I don't know how many times I have had my ass pinched or crotch grabbed. I once had someone come up and grab my crotch while talking to some friends and she wouldn't let go. It was awkward as hell. Also had 2 different housemates coming into my bedroom after I had gone to bed.

I never thought much of it at the time, but looking back, yeah, not so nice and if the situation was reversed it would probably be very different.

andekwarhola

Ass pinched a few times and once a grab at my crotch.

Wasn't bothered too much, but obviously annoyed.

FortySeven

Had my kilt lifted a few times in Scotland, exposing me too all and sundry.

Been grabbed front and rear on many occasions.

Once took a room service champagne and was pulled into a room by a bunch of women dressed as police, surrounded and attempted to kiss, performed oral on a truncheon in front of me while I was encouraged to dance. I couldn't leave till they paid and was mocked as being a freak and afraid when I told them to stop.

I was very tempted to fight my way out of that last one as it was unpleasant but I'm sure I would have won the fight but lost the war.

Wibbs

Yeah grabbing/pinching, the odd time, in my youth. Didn't bother me TBH. Drunk yahoos.

There would be an element of physical threat involved mind you, or none as the case would be. Some young wan is highly unlikely to be any physical threat to me unless she comes at me full bore with a weapon or the like, so let's face facts here, it is easier for me to say "meh". A 5 foot nothing woman being pressed up against by a 6 foot odd man would have a different experience. I do recall one occasion where some drunk wan was getting a bit touchy and when I rebuffed it tried to wind up her gorilla faced male friend who started to glower at me. That got me on the back foot alright.

More sexual type stuff? I've certainly had women be grey about consent at parties and the like, or at least if I wanted to make a point or other it could be seen that way. I didn't and don't see it that way and laughed it off, or got into it, or continued what was started earlier. Again the element of physical threat comes into this. EG if some strange lass started groping me and I was not happy, I could pretty easily physically restrain her, though this restraining itself could cause issues if you're dealing with a drunk or general nutter.

My experience anyway.

.G.

Yeah we can paint it as double standards but its not really. It's totally different. A woman grabbing me is not a threat to me but if I grabbed her she could certainly be fearful for her safety. Nobody should be grabbing anybody unless invited to of course but you'll get drunk people being muppets, difference being we can laugh it off but women can feel very threatened by it. I've had my arse pinched and comments made, was always quietly chuffed about the ego boost

ligerdub

Step forward white knight # 1

Andy-Pandy

I woke up to a girl that I was seeing very drunk and having sex with me. I was not impressed at all. Ended it with her there and then. To be honest if the tables had been turned and I had done it to her I could have been charged with rape.

py2006

superg wrote: »

Yeah we can paint it as double standards but its not really. It's totally different. A woman grabbing me is not a threat to me but if I grabbed her she could certainly be fearful for her safety. Nobody should be grabbing anybody unless invited to of course but you'll get drunk people being muppets, difference being we can laugh it off but women can feel very threatened by it. I've had my arse pinched and comments made, was always quietly chuffed about the ego boost

The attitudes are indeed a double standard. If a group of girls see it as a fun night out to lift kilts exposing mens genitalia yet the opposite would be seen as gross sexual harassment.

The threat if physical violence is not always there when a drunken guy pinches an ass too. In a nightclub situation the guy would be hauled out by bouncers if it were.

Actually I am reminded of a guys story, it may have actually been on here somewhere, were a girl he politely rejected earlier in the night smacked him in the face later that night for rejecting her. Bouncers saw it and quickly grabbed him and threw him out.

Dr Jakub

Not sexual but I'm wary around drunk aggressive women. They think their sex gives them the right to act like a man but not face the same consequences for starting a fight.

lazybones32

Had my balls squeezed a number of times by women who were being direct about what they wanted; it was painful and unwelcome but I never got upset over it. When my ass was smaller than it is now, yeah, it got pinched and smacked but I never took that as offensive either. One thing that still happens and I've never liked it, is when a woman comes up and grabs me by the arm and holds it. I'm a physical sort of person - I like physical contact - but I don't like it when a woman I don't know (or a person I don't like) grabs my arm.

I guess what has happened to me could be classed as sexual assault but it doesn't bother me too much. Squeezing my balls does bother me though but mostly because of the pain. I'd much prefer for a woman to flash me as being her way of expressing interest/intent...or a written contract, which would be safer.

Kal El

Worked as a bar man for a time and got it all the time, it was super annoying going out to pick up glasses etc. Like I dont even consider myself that good looking that Id deserve the attention

ligerdub

Yeah but you're in a position of strength and responsibility there.....they love all that ****e.

lazybones32

^
...and don't forget the status.

midnight city

Got my ass nipped and slapped but i wouldn't want to call it assault. It never felt like anything other than flirting.

Tefral

Can a woman be charged with Rape?

TheChizler

Tefral wrote: »

Can a woman be charged with Rape?

Technically a woman can't be charged with raping a man but can be charged with (can't remember the name) aggravated sexual assault which is the same in all but name effectively.

learn_more

I went out to a local dive last weekend.

I spend my time in this dive in the big smoking area that they provide.

I usually go by myself but inevitably end up taking to all the usual suspects. I like it there. It's a club that stays open late, has a small dance floor.

Last weekend, there was a woman who stood beside me. She was dressed up to the nines. She was wearing a dress that revealed all her arms up to her shoulder and way up above the knees. I though she looked rather pretty, rather than she had a 'slutty look'. In her early 30's she told me later.

She lit up a cig and I made a comment to her , to initiate a conversation, for the craic.

I told here immediately I was gay so she wouldn't get the wrong idea.

She seemed a bit lonely before I interacted with her but when I did she suddenly came alive.

It wasn't far into the evening before she started kissing me on the cheek and warping her arm around me.

I pushed her off. Later she tried to grab me and take me to the dance floor. I told her I don't come to this venue to dance. I come to drink, have a smoke, have a chat , and that's it.

She stuck around and she said she was going to the bar. I give her some money to buy me a pint of Bulmers and whatever she wanted herself. She came back with 3 vodkas and coke. I was a bit pissed off. I do drink spirits but I don't drink vodka.

The woman stuck to me and stared kissing me on the cheek and getting all excited. A straight guy said to me said 'oh you get all the good-looking gals'. He knows I'm gay.

The night went on and she said she was going to the bar and stupidly I gave her more money to get a drink for herself and to get me a pint of Bulmers. Again she came back with a more vodkas' and coke. No drink I asked her to get me.

Then she started kissing me again , on the cheek, as if I were her favourite gay she ever met, or man even.

At the end of the night, she asked me to do something, I don't remember what it was, but when I refused, she got the hump, looked really pissed off, and left towards the end of the night. No goodbuy, thanks for chat, nothing.

Looking back on it I could say she harassed me. It wasn't one of my most enjoyable nights out in that dive.

I am a gay male, and whether I go out in a homo club or a straight dive, I don't go around demanding that someone dances with me.

She was very aggressive when I think about it. I really feel sorry for you hetro males.

Wibbs

ligerdub wrote: »

Step forward white knight # 1

Hang on, TBH I'm really getting more than a little fcuking tired of this imported US college bullshít masquerading as "thinking".

It is not necessarily "White Knighting" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Mansplaining" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Victim Blaming" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Double Standards" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Libtard" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "______Phobic" to state the Bloody Obvious(™)

It is not necessarily "Virtue Signalling" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Right Wing" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).


Let's take critical thinking back guys. The Bloody Obvious(™), you know it makes sense.

HamsterFace

I see hen nights parading around with Willy straws and inflatable willies and I feel degraded and demeaned and have often been assaulted by being grabbed by the ass and crotch by such parties.

It makes me feel ashamed and inferior and prevents me from ever having a proper relationship.

ligerdub

Wibbs wrote: »

Hang on, TBH I'm really getting more than a little fcuking tired of this imported US college bullshít masquerading as "thinking".

It is not necessarily "White Knighting" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Mansplaining" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Victim Blaming" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Double Standards" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Libtard" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "______Phobic" to state the Bloody Obvious(™)

It is not necessarily "Virtue Signalling" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).

It is not necessarily "Right Wing" to state the Bloody Obvious(™).


Let's take critical thinking back guys. The Bloody Obvious(™), you know it makes sense.

I agree with all of that,

Kal El

ligerdub wrote: »

Yeah but you're in a position of strength and responsibility there.....they love all that ****e.

:pac::pac: Still its a bad sign when Im like, ah girls you could do a lot better

L1011

Had my arse grabbed (or slapped) a few times by women in or near clubs. Challenged one (who did it on Harcourt Street) who couldn't see how it was wrong. She was rather pissed - but I doubt that'd be seen as an acceptable excuse to do the reverse. Never have and never will do it to a woman.

Mister Vain

Yeah I'd echo the hen nights. Women be crazy at those things. I've had my ass and crotch grabbed a few times. If I'm being honest though, the women were attractive so I didn't mind too much. I know it doesn't make it ok but it didn't really bother me.

ongarboy

Drunk hen parties are the worst. I remember once years ago being pulled into the dance floor by a group of them at a club when I worked there as a lounge boy and not only was I groped, they then grabbed my arms and legs and lifted me off the ground and started giving me the bumps. The worst part was that everyone else including the bouncers supervising the floor all seemed to think it was funny even though I didn't think so.

There's definitely a seemingly acceptable type of harassment that is ok towards guys that wouldn't be for girls.

Bigtoe107

I have had an older aunt of an ex-girlfriend rip my shirt open at a family gathering and a female member of a friends family whisper some pretty depraved things in my ear and accuse me of being a homosexual when I showed no interest.
In addition, I have had my arse slapped or pinched numerous times in pubs and have been at a table full of women who were encouraging all the lads to take off their tops and compare bodies.
Tbh, most of this I just laughed off and it is not something I carry around with me but I definitely felt extremely uncomfortable at all these moments.

H3llR4iser

A few times when I was more into going out, especially in more messy places like clubs. Guess I need to take a trip to Coppers again

Usually, it's been the case of older women getting physical in the ways already described; sometimes younger but very (very, very) much on the obese side (no offense meant, just not my thing) ladies trying to push themselves "forward"; In a few instances, they became abusive / offensive in a very direct way when I rebuffed their advances. In one case a very pretty but extremely intoxicated girl in her early 20s kept harassing me to "buy her a drink" (which she clearly didn't need!) and started hurling insults my way when I didn't comply.

The strangest case however doesn't involve any form of physical or verbal contact - I went to the gym (very famous chain in Ireland / UK) and there was a cleaner doing her job in the men's changing rooms. She didn't bother for a split second to at least pretend she'd leave, nor asking if she needed to; Not an issue per se (not the first nor the last lady to see my naked bollocks, which are no sight to behold anyway...), but I couldn't help thinking that if roles where reversed, chances were that Law Enforcement, courts, solicitors and possibly the press would have been involved.

Wibbs wrote: »

...Some young wan is highly unlikely to be any physical threat to me unless she comes at me full bore with a weapon or the like, so let's face facts here, it is easier for me to say "meh"...

Without getting into an endless, pointless debate about the merits of the subject, watch out man - it doesn't take a lot of force to hurt a person, sometimes seriously, personal experience - the "young wan" has plenty enough, even if you're twice her size...and if you ever tried to defend yourself, you'd be "the bad guy".

Dr Jakub

Why is always gross old women who think they can get away with groping men?

ligerdub

Dr Jakub wrote: »

Why is at always gross old women who think they can get away with groping men?

They usually do.

Dr Jakub

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Without getting into an endless, pointless debate about the merits of the subject, watch out man - it doesn't take a lot of force to hurt a person, sometimes seriously, personal experience - the "young wan" has plenty enough, even if you're twice her size...and if you ever tried to defend yourself, you'd be "the bad guy".

Also you have to factor white knights jumping in to save the damsel in distress.

JamboMac

Remember having my crotch grabbed when i was 16/17 by somebody off the rte reality show connected, i won't name but think she was 15/16 at the time more complete shock than anything as it came from nowhere. So i know what those women feel like that donald trump grabbed right by the *****. Ass slaps an all that.

blue note

On what's considered sexual assault I'd have to say yes, many many times. I worked in a pub, so had plenty of ass pinches. Actually, ass pinches were common enough anyway. A couple of crotch grabs, once my girlfriends friend actually stuck her hand down my underpants and grabbed me by the balls, very literally.

I cant say any of the incidents particularly bothered me. They'd happen on a night out and they wouldn't have any impact on my having fun that night.

I suppose I can't deny that I do find it annoying listening to how terrible these things are when they happen to women and if any guy mentions that the exact same things happened to him and he didn't really care they'll be lynched. It just seems like your input is only valuable if it backs up the point that the woman is making.

Stealthfins

A few times in Lisdoonvarna.
Plenty of ass slapping and pinching going on there.

I blame the bull femminists

givyjoe

Aside from the odd ass pinch. A few times I've had 'ladies' grabbing my chest (yes I'm a man). I haven't yet asked can i grab yours back, next time maybe.

One other unpleasant incident involved an attractive (but absolutely) hammered girl approaching myself and a mate.. grabbing us by the arms and trying to get us to kiss for her viewing pleasure. True story.

ligerdub

givyjoe wrote: »

One other unpleasant incident involved an attractive (but absolutely) hammered girl approaching myself and a mate.. grabbing us by the arms and trying to get us to kiss for her viewing pleasure. True story.

She sounds like she has the hallmarks of a femme fatale, a very dark character......I think I love her.

givyjoe

ligerdub wrote: »

She sounds like she has the hallmarks of a femme fatale, a very dark character......I think I love her.

Eh, come again?!

Zulu

That's what she said!

Balmed Out

Lots of groping and ass pinching but only one thing that bothered me. I worked in a hotel which would have had a lot of functions for special interest groups and associations.

When collecting glasses you would invariably have a drunk middle aged or older woman grab you rubbing your chest then as her friends would cheer or edge her on it would progress to bottom and crotch then others would join in often posing for a picture too. Carrying a load of glasses there's nothing you could do about it.

josip

Once had my testacles grabbed repeatedly on the back of the bus over a 30 minute period, despite my feeble protestations, by a girl I'd never met before.
Didn't really know how to handle it since I was only 11 on the way to the cross country with the athletics club.
Came 8th that day. Chuffed.

Saipanne

Yep, I've been grabbed/groped loads of times by women in nights out, where it was not welcome. Feminists will wave it away, but it was assault.

sbsquarepants

There are only 2 words required here - Hen Parties.

Jaysus, if a group of men treated a woman the way some hen parties have treated me there would be charges pressed.

That being said I didn't really care too much cos, you know, in my clubbing days i was usually in the mood to bang anything that would have me, so I looked on it as a head start to proceedings.
But the pertinent points are that (A)they weren't to know that in advance and (B) they most likely wouldn't have cared one way or the other.

Although it didn't bother me - I certainly wouldn't do it myself. I've never been the type to pinch an arse or anything like that, I think it's overstepping the mark to be honest, but it's different for blokes. It's not scary when a group of girls grab hold of a man, you're not in any real danger, I can imagine though it could be terrifying for a woman, I'd always be conscious of that. So although it is a double standard I suppose, I still don't think it's quite the same thing.

cantdecide

sbsquarepants wrote: »

There are only 2 words required here - Hen Parties.

I often joke that if I ever get married (

I can hear my parents chuckling

), my stag will involve hooting and hollering and brandishing artificial novelty vaginas.

ligerdub

RTE2 are showing what looks to be an old comedy called The Centre.

I'd never heard of it but Katherine Lynch appears to be up to her neck in it. Anyway, the same Katherine Lynch who had such a problem with Donald's comments about grabbing women by the pussy didn't have a problem with a scene where a young lad has his balls grabbed against his will and demand by his female boss.......for the purpose of comedy too no less.

Galwayguy35

Yep years ago had my balls squeezed by a woman in a nightclub, tbh everyone was well pissed and being a young fella I just laughed it off and thought no more of it.

Reading this thread though it seems like it happens a lot to men.

Someone said it's different if we reverse the sexes and yes it's true a man is stronger and probably wouldn't feel threatened but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't be uncomfortable about it happening either.

Also some men are slightly built and may feel threatened.

RDM_83 again

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

and being a young fella I just laughed it off and thought no more of it.

Reading this thread though it seems like it happens a lot to men.

I'd be curious about the ages thing because this was definitely my experience was that it happened to me quiet a lot when I was younger (16-22 ish) and generally (much) older women.
It did annoy me at the time and make me feel uncomfortable but I wasn't threatened by it, that said I was well aware that if I had reacted strongly to it, it would have gone badly.

What annoys me though is that it stopped completely as I got older and my look changed from innocent looking shy young lad to someone with a look that could be perceived as more assertive (shaved head fairly muscular) .
I got the same (felt like more but maybe just got more clued into women so can't say for certain) positive reactions with my older look but the pushing of limits stopped. For that reason I do think a lot of it has to do with an unequal power dynamic than attraction but maybe thats because my appearance changed rather dramatically.Thoughts?

fits

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

.

Someone said it's different if we reverse the sexes and yes it's true a man is stronger and probably wouldn't feel threatened but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't be uncomfortable about it happening either.

Also some men are slightly built and may feel threatened.

Its more comparable to ask if you have been assaulted by a man.

It shouldn't happen at all though. I stopped going to clubs and meat market type pubs years ago cos of this type of stuff going on.

fullstop

fits wrote: »

Its more comparable to ask if you have been assaulted by a man.

No, no it's not. Read the thread title.

hefferboi

A 16/17 year old girl collects glasses in the local pub every Saturday while in 6th year in school.

She's not allowed to pull pints because she's too young.

5 men are sitting at a table drinking together all night. They're all 50+ years of age. Every time she collects glasses at their table they grab/slap/pinch her arse and they ask her to take off her top so they can see her boobs. They also ask her to come out the side alley and have sex with them.

She goes up near another group of men who are dancing. They won't let her passed them and they throw her into the middle of them. They all rub their crotches up against her and one of them puts his hand up her top and feels her breasts. This 16/17 year old girl is visibly shaken and upset but cant say anything as the owner of the pub and the bouncer are laughing their heads off.

Is that sexual assault and harassment? Because of the girls young age, is it considered sexual abuse?

This happens every weekend in every town in the country, except the 16/17 year old girl is actually a boy and the sleazy, creepy 50+ Years of age men are actually 50+ Years of age women who are only having a bit of craic for the night.

Happened me in every pub I worked for since I was 15.

Hellrazer

Standing at the bar last weekend this girl comes up behind me,reaches between my legs from behind and has a full on grope of everything.

Very uncomfortable.I tell her to basically **** off and I'm told that it was just a "bit of a laugh"
I says what if I did that to you and she goes ...I'd have you in court!!!

2 hours later a bloke starts grabbing my wife's boobs on the dancefloor and she has a meltdown at me because I pushed him away only after her telling him to get lost 4 times and him not stopping.

Needless to say we had a blazing row over it.not about the groping but about me pushing this bloke away.
I was probably wrong to react but I'm not going to see my wife upset especially when this idiot wouldn't stop or even get the message.

So a question maybe a bit off topic.how do others here react to seeing their wife/partner felt up in front of them???

Do you even react?
Or put it down to "a bit of a laugh"

leggo

Initially, when I read the title, I thought no, but then reading the thread a LOT came back to me:

I've got a lot of groping from drunk women working at gigs and in hotels. As most have said, it's just uncomfortable. You think you'd be like "wahey!" but seeing some mouldy thing with her eye-liner running, in a state, at her lowest point of desperation forcing herself on you doesn't do it for me.

I've been kissed a couple times while sleeping at parties and woken up during.

I don't know if it counts but I dated a sex sleeper for a while. Once I woke up while she was on top of me (and I'm not gonna lie that time I kept going), mainly though it was just fondling me. And I'd know from her that she was genuinely asleep because I'd move her hand and she'd just obliviously get back to it until I'd have to wake her. Again, people hear it and think "wahey!", but in real life it's just annoying.

The worst, though, was sleeping on the kitchen floor of my old mate's college house and waking up to find a girl who'd been at a party who had taken my jeans off and was humping me! I mean, I know it's technically rape but I don't feel like when you hear other, more serious victims talk. It was just REALLY weird! I remember being semi-conscious as she started (I don't remember her coming in, taking the sheet I was under off or stripping me) and was like, I dunno, half into it but as I came around I was like "WTF are you doing?!" and pushed her off. She just laughed and ran off. The worst part was that there was no protection and I ended up having to get myself tested afterwards just in case. SO messed up.

There's a definite double standard and a lot of women assume that a man gives instant consent to that kinda stuff because, you know, penises.