Did marriage change your relationship?

Loveinapril

A thread in the relationship issues got me thinking about the importance of marriage. My husband and I were together ten years when we got married earlier this year. I really didn't think it would change our dynamic as we are living together almost that long, but it did. There is a huge shift in how I feel about him/ us. There is a security and a level of stability that I did not expect, and I know my husband feels it too. Did you notice a change in your relationship when you got married?

bee06

It made no difference to me really. I do like saying my husband rather than boyfriend but from a nuts and bolts relationship standpoint it's the same.

Olishi4

Not really for me but since we got married a lot of our circumstances have changed. We've moved away, jobs have changed and stuff like that. We got married at 27 and now 33 so a bit of growing up more in that time.

We are together a long time and didn't really have to adapt too much. From the beginning all of our finances were already handled together and we've lived together since we were 20.

intheclouds

Yeah we both felt differently.

I suppose I would say it deepened our relationship. We used to joke about how we'd like to be "more married" because we felt so good about it.

I didn't think it'd make any difference, but it did.

eviltwin

No but we'd been living together for so long anyway I think we both felt married. What did change was other people's perception of us, we both feel certain people take us more seriously married than they did when we just cohabiting.

LadyMayBelle

I really struggle with this. I have had a few people tell me that 'things's are just different' but I cant imagine how? Im in a LT relationship, 11 years, had ups and downs but are committed and have zero intentions of getting married. If we were to marry, I'd keep my name, we can get wills etc sorted legally, but I can't see how things would be different, and definitely don't get the 'security' bit- are people worrying about their security until they have a ring on their finger??
We are in every other way, doing as a married couple are doing but just without the marriage bit.

meeeeh

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

I really struggle with this. I have had a few people tell me that 'things's are just different' but I cant imagine how? Im in a LT relationship, 11 years, had ups and downs but are committed and have zero intentions of getting married. If we were to marry, I'd keep my name, we can get wills etc sorted legally, but I can't see how things would be different, and definitely don't get the 'security' bit- are people worrying about their security until they have a ring on their finger??
We are in every other way, doing as a married couple are doing but just without the marriage bit.

I think it might be different for some but you can't generalize. For me getting married would mean absolutely no difference. If anything we would be closer to break up planning for the whole thing because neither wants to organize it. And I do know it will make no difference. I view marriage unnecessary bureaucratic hassle the we will have to do one day. Most people who get married want to be married so it's more likely it will mean something to them.

January

No nothing changed except my surname :pac:

We had been living together for so long and had 4 kids together, it didn't make a difference. We've carried on as normal.

lazygal

I feel more secure. Being each others next of kin was a big reason we got married, along with making everything nice and clear for inheritance etc. Knowing all that is taken care of is great peace of mind for me anyway. We met and married within two years so we're married way longer than we dated. I don't know much else at this stage!

Malari

It made no functional change to our relationship at all. We decided to marry after many years of living together for a couple of reasons, but everything still feels the same.

Milly33

I must say I think we both felt a bit of a change.. From my side, as such I would always put us first (which I still do) but I found that I think of myself more.. It is kinda like well I know were in it for the long haul, and it is ok to take time for me.. That sounds all wrong typing it but if you know the feeling you will get what i mean..

R.D. aka MR.D

I would say it definitely changed things. We have made the long term commitment to each and are able to invest in a shared future.

From an emotional point of view, I think we are both more relaxed in the relationship. We are definitely happier.

Milly33

thats it RD, its kinda like a sense of ahhh...It all about everything but the commitment is there

Minera

I could have written the op post myself even down to the time line! I can't put my finger in it but I definately feel more secure or something. Not sure why it's a good feeling though! ☺

Sunny Dayz

I wouldn't say that it really changed our relationship. But I can echo what other posters have said about feeling secure - it wasn't that we felt insecure about our relationship, but marriage has made us feel a little more secure. I feel that we are more united.
I do find that how other people treat us has changed since we got married. I feel that my aunts treat me as more of a grown up now that I'm married. I also find that even though some of my husband's friends have married since we did, they still want to do things with "just the lads" (which I don't really mind to an extent) but if my husband says we (us) already have plans it's all "oh he's under the thumb"

Sunny Dayz

I think it's like we've made our relationship formal by exchanging vows and rings infront of our loved ones. We were committed and secure before getting married but now it's like it's been rubber stamped.

intheclouds

Well Hung Polyglot wrote: »

Why would you fear not being in a relationship? That's my take, that if people need to feel secure there is something scary about not being in a relationship.

The poster never said they feared not being in a relationship.

Your take reflects your own way of thinking. Other people may see things differently.

Are you going to contribute about how marriage changed your relationship or not?

robyntmorton

I think something very important is being missed here. "Feeling secure" and "needing security" are not the same thing. There is a massive difference. You can feel secure, when really you don't need to. It is a bonus, but does not imply an insecurity exists. Needing security, on the other hand, does imply an insecurity that you deep down require changed. You are trying to put your own view on it, when Sunny Dayz expressly said that none existed to begin with.

sullivlo

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