Things you wish you did...

baby and crumble

We're getting married next year (!) and I was just wondering if there was anything you wish you had done- or not done!- on your big day? We said from the start we didn't want to bother with a videographer but a friend of mine was saying it's the one thing he regrets not having. It's made me think. Plus, I had those boring 80's videos of hours and hours of the ceremony etc, rather than the really funky videos that the video companies make these days...

pwurple

Lol, we had a videographer, (it was a gift from someone who is a videographer) and I regret saying yes to that.

It was a dose. His lighting was crazy, he hunted people off the dancefloor by chasing them around with the camera. It was the opposite of subtle.
I've never actually watched it (and we're married 10 years), because I'm one of those people who doesn't like looking at myself on tape.

Stick to your guns, or get a very detailed look at what it is in action.

They only other regret I had was not being bridezilla enough on details. I left the venue to their own devices a bit much on the food, I should have been over it with a fine tooth comb. It was fine, but if I was doing it again, I'd be more decisive on what we wanted. I should have specified exactly where to put the wedding cake in the room (they put it in a sunny window, on the hottest day of the year...)

What else... oh yes, I didn't ask for a group photo of everyone there. I thought it was a bit naff at the time, but looking back now, (when people are gone), I'd like to have it

fits

I would have listened to the ceremony musicians play the music beforehand. It was lovely but not 100% played as i wanted. Otherwise, i cant think of anything. It was a great day.

mcgiggles

I'm on the whole videographer fence aswell.. we both said we didn't want one definitely, but then I see teasers of everyone elses vids and I'm like awwwwwwwww.... I don't know if I could watch myself on camera though haha

BetsyEllen

I regret not having a videographer, purely because my dear Grandparents have since passed and I would LOVE to have them on video, dancing and laughing with my family.
It was the last 'event' where we all together and it would have been really nice to have it captured on film. Luckily I have some fabulous photos.

I'm separated from my husband now so I have far bigger regrets than not having a videographer but this was something I regretted quite soon after.

Especially when we didn't have one to save money, yet I was happy to splash out on fancy chair covers haha!

GingerLily

We're not doing a videographer, we spent a good bit on our photographer so we're hoping that'll be enough.
It'll be interesting to hear what other things get mentioned

D0NNELLY

The only thing I'd change was not doing a play list for the dj.. he went from one trance genre to the other.

At the start of his set i just said play dancey stuff (chart, ABBA, 90s) but he took it as dance music..

My wife went up and asked him to tone it down a bit, he told her no, this is what the groom wants!!

It's was grand once it was sorted, but hassle that could have been avoided..

miamee

BetsyEllen wrote: »

I regret not having a videographer, purely because my dear Grandparents have since passed and I would LOVE to have them on video, dancing and laughing with my family.
It was the last 'event' where we all together and it would have been really nice to have it captured on film. Luckily I have some fabulous photos.

I'm separated from my husband now so I have far bigger regrets than not having a videographer but this was something I regretted quite soon after.

Especially when we didn't have one to save money, yet I was happy to splash out on fancy chair covers haha!

Just on this, my uncle recently discovered a very short piece of film he had from my parent's wedding in the 70s. It's probably only a couple of 10 second clips, no more, yet it was amazing to me to see my parents dancing at their wedding and my 4 grandparents (3 of whom are no longer with us) all dancing in their finery

tracey turnblad

When I got married I was adamant I didnt want a videoographer, but immediately afterwards I regretted not having one, I was still on the wedding buzz and wanted to relieve it...but after a while it didnt bother me at all. Im all about living in the moment. Also I think if I looked at a video and seen myself doing cringy things (pulling mad double chins or something like that) i'd be raging, so its better I didnt have it!

baby and crumble

tracey turnblad wrote: »

Also I think if I looked at a video and seen myself doing cringy things (pulling mad double chins or something like that) i'd be raging, so its better I didnt have it!

i think to be fair to most modern videographers, they'd know how to edit and avoid that- you'd hope! :P

Pistachios & cream

We didn't have a videographer and I don't regret it. I don't like myself on camera and I loved our photographs.

My sister in law had a videographer for her wedding the year before ours and he annoyed her. She found he had the camera in her face at times when she really just wanted to be alone with her husband. So I think if you do go with one, make sure they are really good and won't annoy you.

Abrean

On the videographer note, we weren't going to have one, and then a couple of months before having seen my brother in laws dvd decided that actually it was something really worth having! I love ours and I'm so glad we went for it in the end (and I wouldn't be the type of person that likes to see myself in photos/videos etc) I wouldn't be without it and actually love it more than our wedding photos! Oh and we didn't even notice our videographer on the day, he was invisible and very subtle which was exactly what we wanted.

I'd also have given a family/friend/somebody! a list of the wedding photos we wanted, I gave it to our photographer and assumed he'd remind us on the day of what we wanted and sort it - he didn't and we missed out on a lot of photos we really wanted with friends/family.

pilly

If you get someone really good and subtle to do it, it can be a treasure. The amount of people on my wedding video who are now dead is scary but I have a good feeling when I watch them sing, dance and generally enjoy themselves. Marriage is also dead but that's another story and it doesn't happen to the vast majority. :-)

In short, my advice would be go for it.

Another reason I actually just thought of is I actually didn't remember one bit of the ceremony because I was so nervous so it was nice to watch it back and know it actually happened!!

pilly

Another thing I wish I did was actually sit down and enjoy it more, you do so much moving around talking to people the day goes too fast. In retrospect I would have stayed at my own table with my husband and let people come to us for chats, if that makes sense?

whiskeyman

Our photographer took us out after the ceremony to get some photos.
We wasted too much time taking schmaltzy photos we didn't want, and don't really like!
Would have much preferred to be back at the party and enjoying chatting to everyone!

blackbird 49

Got married back in 1991, lashed rain on the day so photos were limited, but having said that looking back now we could of taken a lot more and better ones, ie more with family and guests, we also had a video on the day didnt want one at first but my aunt said she would pay for it, so glad now we did the sad thing when we do look at it which is rarely the amount of people that have died since,

pilly

blackbird 49 wrote: »

Got married back in 1991, lashed rain on the day so photos were limited, but having said that looking back now we could of taken a lot more and better ones, ie more with family and guests, we also had a video on the day didnt want one at first but my aunt said she would pay for it, so glad now we did the sad thing when we do look at it which is rarely the amount of people that have died since,

Nice to have a video memory of them though isn't it Blackbird?

lazygal

We had a meeting with our photographer a week before the wedding during which we planned to timing of photos and which ones we wanted. Definitely worth doing. I'd still get a video, but I'd probably up the budget. Ours is fine but basic.
I'd have no speeches if I was going again. Too stressful for the speakers and no one really cares about them. I'd do them during the drinks reception no before or after dinner if you have them. Keep them short.
I'd still have had a free bar and not given into pressure to invite all the relatives we don't know.

D0NNELLY

pilly wrote: »

Another thing I wish I did was actually sit down and enjoy it more, you do so much moving around talking to people the day goes too fast. In retrospect I would have stayed at my own table with my husband and let people come to us for chats, if that makes sense?

I received this excellent advice from my brother. I've passed it on to a few grooms when chatting to them.. and you can see it dawning on them..
"Ah yeah, so caught up making sure everyone else is enjoying themselves, forget about yourself"

Gatica

Wish we'd got reception food for 100% of our numbers, not partial as recommended.
Wish we'd paid for part of bridal party rooms. Shouldn't have bothered with cake.
And should 've got a proper posed photo of just us. Had group family ones, but ours were mainly walking ones, casual, nothing for parents' mantlepiece.

lainey316

No regrets for us on not having a video but it has only been 6 month I can't bear videos. My father keeps showing my husband videos from when we were kids. So we have PLENTY videos on my side

I should have cancelled my MUA after the trial. We discussed changes at the trial and what I did not like, but she forgot all those on the day so I was adjusting my own makeup until quite late. Also should have cancelled hotel hairdresser when the lady I did my trial with went on maternity leave, because the replacements took way too long to get it done and then we were rushed. I forgot to get the photographer to take a photo of my invite suite which annoys me now, but it was partly because of the rushing.
That's all I can think of - oh, wish I'd done the thank you cards earlier, we've only a quarter of them done and not touched in weeks because we are so busy. Still happy with everything else but I did put a LOT of work in up front on details which drove husband mad but was totally worth it.

SarahMollie

Great idea for a thread, I will be following with interest.

FWIW, I really don't see us getting a videographer. I think having a camera on me like that all day would diminish my enjoyment of the day itself, even if it would be nice in theory to have certain people on film. I'm going to be very picky when choosing my photographer and make sure I get loads of shots of our guests and I really think that will be enough.

andreac

Honestly guys, anyone worrying about a videographer being in your face, shouldn't worry at all. I know with mine you would have hardly even known he was there.

Shedite27

Allow more time for yourself between church and meal. 2pm mass followed by a 6pm call for dinner goes way too fast when you add in all the bits. I know some guests will hate sitting around a hotel for 2/3 hours but **** 'em - you're paying for it. Make sure you have an hour to yourself at the reception to chat to people. Far too many weddings the bride/groom are just being shepherded from photo to photo

mewe

We got married in the summer and planned on not having a videographer but then came up with what turned out to be a great idea. We got two of my nieces to film between them on a camcorder.

They're both into media stuff so they were the perfect candidates. It was filmed from a guests perspective which made it a bit more quirky and worked out great. They weren't bothering anyone and wouldn't have been intrusive the way a videographer might. My sister was worried they'd make a balls of it but we were like don't worry, even if they do we're not bothered it'll only be a bit of craic. We had a string quartet in the church with a lot of songs special to us so I told them it'd be great if they could record all that but other than that do it whatever way they want and they did a brilliant job, some of it hilarious too.

jlm29

Shedite27 wrote: »

Allow more time for yourself between church and meal. 2pm mass followed by a 6pm call for dinner goes way too fast when you add in all the bits. I know some guests will hate sitting around a hotel for 2/3 hours but **** 'em - you're paying for it. Make sure you have an hour to yourself at the reception to chat to people. Far too many weddings the bride/groom are just being shepherded from photo to photo

I think the answer to this is to have tan photographer make it snappy (haha, pardon the pun!!), rather than taking the attitude of "**** the guests, coz we're buying them dinner". That's awfully rude, IMO. You can chat to the guests later on in the evening if you don't have time at the drinks reception.
Also, you'll end up with a load of people either getting sloshed and falling asleep, because they haven't eaten since breakfast, or rambling off to the local McDonald's for a bite to eat.

Sunny Dayz

whiskeyman wrote: »

Our photographer took us out after the ceremony to get some photos.
We wasted too much time taking schmaltzy photos we didn't want, and don't really like!
Would have much preferred to be back at the party and enjoying chatting to everyone!

When we were organising our wedding photographer, we had most of our wedding photos taken either at the church or in the grounds in front of the hotel. We just had a few shots at a viewing point down the road from the hotel and this was done as people were arriving at the hotel and getting checked in. I found that by doing our photos this way, it was easy to get people to stand in for a few photos, people could chat and drink in between snaps and I found (as it was a decent day for Sept) people stayed around outside the church and the hotel watching what was going on and chatting.
I've been to weddings where the bride and groom (and bridal party) disappear for what feels like hours to get photos done. I wanted to be around for my wedding day!

infogiver

jlm29 wrote: »

I think the answer to this is to have tan photographer make it snappy (haha, pardon the pun!!), rather than taking the attitude of "**** the guests, coz we're buying them dinner". That's awfully rude, IMO. You can chat to the guests later on in the evening if you don't have time at the drinks reception.
Also, you'll end up with a load of people either getting sloshed and falling asleep, because they haven't eaten since breakfast, or rambling off to the local McDonald's for a bite to eat.

The f*** the guests attitude being adopted currently by lots of brides and grooms is the main reason I think that Irish weddings as we know it will be a thing of the past in 20 years.
To ask friends and family to be "with us on our special day" and to have them get time off work get dressed up and write a big cheque and put it in an envelope, stump up for a hotel, a babysitter and petrol and then say "f*** them we're paying for it let's disappear for 5 hours and leave them to they're own devices" is jaw dropping.
But even more jaw dropping is the fact that when the B&G do finally show up they will be outraged to find that most of the guests are legless and those with kids (and some without) have been and fed themselves and now have no interest in the financially ruinous dinner that the unfortunate kitchen staff have been trying to time all afternoon.
I do not know why couples who would much more enjoy an intimate day of just them 2 don't elope and then have a big party for all their loved ones st a later date.

Shedite27

Just to be clear, jlm29 very badly misquote me, I was clearly not saying you should ignore the guests, I was saying you should enjoy your day.

This thread was about "things you wish you did". I wish I'd had a 1pm church rather than 2pm, so I'd have had more time to spend enjoying MY wedding.



Some of the changing of quotes here is proper tabloid stuff. Bravo folks....

Shedite27 wrote: »

Allow more time for yourself between church and meal. 2pm mass followed by a 6pm call for dinner goes way too fast when you add in all the bits. I know some guests will hate sitting around a hotel for 2/3 hours but **** 'em - you're paying for it.

jlm29 wrote: »

"**** the guests, coz we're buying them dinner"

infogiver wrote: »

"f*** them we're paying for it let's disappear for 5 hours and leave them to they're own devices"

Lucuma

Got married last year. Things I wish I'd done:
- Wish I'd had the ceremony earlier. If you're doing the full church wedding then 2pm is far too late. Have it at 12 or 12:30 at the latest. It means getting up earlier but you'll have enough time to take photos and attend your own drinks reception. Our photos were rushed and missed a few key family ones as a result. Plus we were under pressure for time.
- Wsih I'd gotten married before having kids coz it's soooo stressful trying to find a babysitter that they know but who isn't a guest at the wedding
- I wish I had given the photographers a list of the photos I wanted in advance. On the day your head is all over the place so you'll drop the ball unless someone is monitoring it
- Have at least 1 childless bridesmaid (as in a bridesmaid who doesn't have a child there at the wedding) mothers are totally distracted by their own kids for the day it's only human nature
-Smile smile smile. Remember that people want to take photos of you, especially during the ceremony and just after it. Remember that you're on camera. I hated seeing friend's photos afterwards where I look stressed and harried. You are stressed off your head but you shouldn't show it. Stand and pose, let people get their shot of you with a big smile on your face, even if it's plastered on!

GingerLily

infogiver wrote: »

The f*** the guests attitude being adopted currently by lots of brides and grooms is the main reason I think that Irish weddings as we know it will be a thing of the past in 20 years.
To ask friends and family to be "with us on our special day" and to have them get time off work get dressed up and write a big cheque and put it in an envelope, stump up for a hotel, a babysitter and petrol and then say "f*** them we're paying for it let's disappear for 5 hours and leave them to they're own devices" is jaw dropping.
But even more jaw dropping is the fact that when the B&G do finally show up they will be outraged to find that most of the guests are legless and those with kids (and some without) have been and fed themselves and now have no interest in the financially ruinous dinner that the unfortunate kitchen staff have been trying to time all afternoon.
I do not know why couples who would much more enjoy an intimate day of just them 2 don't elope and then have a big party for all their loved ones st a later date.

I'm so grateful none of my friends are one of these horror B&Gs that's you've described, is it really that common?

mcgiggles

Lucuma wrote: »

- Wish I'd gotten married before having kids coz it's soooo stressful trying to find a babysitter that they know but who isn't a guest at the wedding

This.... We had a miscarriage 2 years ago and people are like whyyyy are you waiting to have kids if you know you want them, you don't know how hard it may be when you do start trying... This being one of our reasons (another being we just started farming and a lot of money going into that right now!), we decided we would like to be selfish for another year until after our wedding.. (not that it would be the end of the world at all if we did have a baby before the wedding, but it would just be easier!). I'm only 30! its not like I'll be too old if I wait another year!

sullivk

We got married at 12.30, a half-hour long Presbyterian ceremony with a couple of prayers and a few of our favourite hymns.

We had our "group photos" with groomsman/bridal party/guard of honor taken very briefly on the steps of the church before we left. We felt once people got to our drinks reception we wanted everyone to relax and enjoy themselves, eat and drink and not be dragged off for more photos.

We had 2 photographers who we met with the week before wedding. I hate having my picture taken so I asked for as many natural shots throughout the day, not cringy posed pictures (very very happy with them).

We also specified that we didn't want to spend more than 30 minutes on Bride and groom portrait pics before dinner as we wanted as much time having fun with our guests.

We made sure to order lots of extra canapes and drinks for the drinks reception, I've been to so many weddings where these ran out after the first 20 minutes.

It was the most stress-free day of my life, I loved every minute!
The important thing is don't stress... make sure the food and music are great and that everything is as relaxed as can be. You and your guests will have a wonderful time

jlm29

Shedite27 wrote: »

Just to be clear, jlm29 very badly misquote me, I was clearly not saying you should ignore the guests, I was saying you should enjoy your day.

This thread was about "things you wish you did". I wish I'd had a 1pm church rather than 2pm, so I'd have had more time to spend enjoying MY wedding.



Some of the changing of quotes here is proper tabloid stuff. Bravo folks....

This is a bit OT and I apologise, but I never said you thought ignoring the guests was a good idea, but you did say, they wouldn't like sitting around, but "f*** them, coz you're paying for the day". I think that's an inappropriate way to refer to guests, and an inappropriate attitude to take.

pilly

jlm29 wrote: »

This is a bit OT and I apologise, but I never said you thought ignoring the guests was a good idea, but you did say, they wouldn't like sitting around, but "f*** them, coz you're paying for the day". I think that's an inappropriate way to refer to guests, and an inappropriate attitude to take.

Totally agree. The amount of people I've met recently who absolutely dread getting invited to a wedding because it costs so much to go is unreal.

And the time between the church and meal is so frustrating because most people have been up since early to get ready and get there and are starving. I get the point that it's the Bride and Grooms day but if your only concern is that YOU enjoy YOUR wedding then go off and do it on a desert island somewhere.

SarahMollie

GingerLily wrote: »

I'm so grateful none of my friends are one of these horror B&Gs that's you've described, is it really that common?

It happens, I've seen it.

I dont know if its the wedding industry or TV or whatever, but I think this whole concept of a "Special Day" has definitely been taken to extremes by some. Its like they think they become untouchable and that normal manners and good social graces don't apply to them on their afore mentioned "Special Day". I've seen bridal parties especially being massivly taken advantage of, (ie ridiculous demands being made of them - like I need you to pay for 3 nights at the venue because of the OTT celebrations) or guests being dumped at a venue for hours with no food. One bride I know cut back on having canapes at the drinks reception so she could spend more on her dress. The venue was in the middle of nowhere, so the guests were starved. I think the bar ended up doing a great trade in packets of crisps. Is that really how you treat people who've taken a day off work, dressed up, no doubt given you a generous present and attended your celebration?

We're in the early stages of planning and are aiming for a smallish wedding of about 70-80. My priority (over and above my own Specialness) is that my guests walk away thinking they had a brilliant time. Going to spend the most on things that matter to the guests, ie, food, drink and music. I want photos of everyone, not just me and himself posing awkwardly , so the photographer will be instructed to keep the formal stuff to a minimum and do loads of my guests, but in a natural way so he won't impact on their enjoyment of the day.

GingerLily

SarahMollie wrote: »

It happens, I've seen it.

I dont know if its the wedding industry or TV or whatever, but I think this whole concept of a "Special Day" has definitely been taken to extremes by some. Its like they think they become untouchable and that normal manners and good social graces don't apply to them on their afore mentioned "Special Day". I've seen bridal parties especially being massivly taken advantage of, (ie ridiculous demands being made of them - like I need you to pay for 3 nights at the venue because of the OTT celebrations) or guests being dumped at a venue for hours with no food. One bride I know cut back on having canapes at the drinks reception so she could spend more on her dress. The venue was in the middle of nowhere, so the guests were starved. I think the bar ended up doing a great trade in packets of crisps. Is that really how you treat people who've taken a day off work, dressed up, no doubt given you a generous present and attended your celebration?

We're in the early stages of planning and are aiming for a smallish wedding of about 70-80. My priority (over and above my own Specialness) is that my guests walk away thinking they had a brilliant time. Going to spend the most on things that matter to the guests, ie, food, drink and music. I want photos of everyone, not just me and himself posing awkwardly , so the photographer will be instructed to keep the formal stuff to a minimum and do loads of my guests, but in a natural way so he won't impact on their enjoyment of the day.

Maybe it's just the company I keep buy I've not been to any weddings like that, I'm sure they exist but I thought they were the minority to be fair.

The way your describing your wedding sounds lovely, but it's the same as most couples I know, I would honestly have thought it's the norm! If anything we've been advised to fuss less over guests because they aren't as high maintenance as you'd think as long as they're watered and fed!!!

Milly33

nasty tude to have about guests alright as you are inviting them to spend time with them.. If i could turn it back id do it as i wanted in the first place.. Small and a big party after.. Just so we could enjoy the day more with our family, I know i am not good in crowds or when lots of people tell me I look nice (typical Irish) im like what a bird popped on me didnt it.. The way it went in the end there was so much rushing and things happening I didnt want to happen, all out my control. Friends fell out with my mum which I am shocked at, family memebers got the hump becuase they werent invited.. The crap people with entitlement, all they do is stir ****e..

SarahMollie

GingerLily wrote: »

Maybe it's just the company I keep buy I've not been to any weddings like that, I'm sure they exist but I thought they were the minority to be fair.

The way your describing your wedding sounds lovely, but it's the same as most couples I know, I would honestly have thought it's the norm! If anything we've been advised to fuss less over guests because they aren't as high maintenance as you'd think as long as they're watered and fed!!!

TBF, I wasnt at that wedding, it was a girl I went to school with, and I knew a few who were at it, and I heard the same criticizims from multiple sources. It was actually one of her bridesmaids who told people about the canapes v wedding dress dibacle :eek:

It should be the norm. Just some people need to get over themselves I suppose!

Milly33 wrote: »

nasty tude to have about gues alright as you are inviting them to spend time with them.. If i could turn it back id do it as i wanted in the first place.. Small and a big party after.. Just so we could enjoy the day more with our family, I know i am not good in crowds or when lots of people tell me I look nice (typical Irish) im like what a bird popped on me didnt it.. The way it went in the end there was so much rushing and things happening I didnt want to happen, all out my control. Friends fell out with my mum which I am shocked at, family memebers got the hump becuase they werent invited.. The crap people with entitlement, all they do is stir ****e..

Whoa - friends fell out with your mam? How does stuff like that even happen? People lose all self of proportion and perspective over these things.

ger vallely

I wish I'd made a speech as well as my husband. Nothing long and drawn out just a thank you to everyone who came to celebrate with us. I just never thought about it at the time.

eviltwin

I wish we'd eloped

Milly33

Whoa - friends fell out with your mam? How does stuff like that even happen? People lose all self of proportion and perspective over these things.[/QUOTE]

Yep it actually disgusts me..

Lets say there is a group of friends (I had to even battle to get invited, all who were have been conected to me since I was a kid) bar one, who to be honest I am not a fan of and she doesnt know my husband.. So time for invites and the bar one was invited to the afters, and well this did not go down well at all. The others came to the wedding but later made my mum feel terrible and fell out with her becuase the other one wasnt invited, and then the other one is no longer friends with my mum.. Madness I swear if I knew we were so popular we would have invited Hello or OK.. People dont realise how they can spoil something that should have been so special

Curvy Vixen

I wish we hadn't spent so much time with the photographer or on family photos....I felt like our wedding was happening all around us and we missed it! And I wish we had ordered more evening food....it went in a flash!

Stuff I'm delighted we did...
Hired our cake....it was amazing and nobody knew!
Made my own veil and bouquets....so very simple and cost almost nothing!

Toots

Mod Note

Guys can we try and stay on topic, everyone has different things they wish they did or didn't do. Please don't drag the thread off on a tangent about one particular post.

mcgiggles

Not married just yet but the good advice I've received from previous brides is to take that 20 mins with your new husband just to take it all in and have a smooch cos you'll be so busy all day you might not take time to be alone!
Also with regards making your way around to talk to everyone, unless you have a small wedding its not always feasible to talk to EVERYONE, and you want to enjoy the day yourself aswell, they told me to talk to the older generation or relatives that might expect you to stop and chat for a minute early on as they kind of expect that and they might leave early or go to bed earlier than everyone else.. and the younger generation won't mind if you don't get a minute to stop and talk to them! They tend to understand and sure you can have a boogie with them on the dancefloor

Macstuff

We got married last year. We met before the 2.30 pm ceremony and did the formal photos then with our families and bridal party. That meant we were able to be part of the full drinks reception.
I realise that we missed having the wow moment when we saw each other for the first time at the ceremony but the trade-off was that we got to enjoy every minute of the drinks reception. I realise that it's not everyone's thing to do this but we did it and loved it.
We spent a lot of money on the photographer but he delivered 400 amazing photos. We also spent a big part of our budget on the band and they threw a really good party. We both wanted a packed dance floor and hate weddings where the band are doing stuff to get people to dance. They delivered for us and it was exactly what we'd hoped for.

The only regret was around the videographer. We had one and he was excellent. He produced a great video but its only 25 mins long. It features highlights from the whole day - from getting ready to the dancing. Looking back I'd love to have a longer one just for me and my husband to look back at. I'm sure no one else would look at it but it would allow us to relive the ceremony and more key moments in greater detail. However, he was cheaper than others so that's where we chose to cut back.

Anatom

We didn't bother with the video, which I do now regret.

Wedding Car: We didn't hire one. We used my brother-in-law's instead, which saved us precious money.

Maternal interference: My wife would change the fact that she gave into her mother too much in relation to (a) her dress, which wasn't what she really wanted in the end and (b) the music in the church, which again was her mother's choice, not ours. I should have put my foot down with that one.

We also printed our own booklets (bought the nice covers and ribbon to bind them all) which saved money too.

Otherwise, we had a brilliant day. Yes, the photography takes far too long and I find the best photos are actually the casual ones taken by a friend on the day, rather than the "official" ones (although they're important too).

Music : Get the best band you can. Seriously, that was the making of our wedding. Our band was brilliant (a good swing band) and we didn't bother wasting money on a DJ. The singsong in the residents' bar afterwards went on until first light and we didn't want the day to end.

As someone else said, take your other half off to the side of the room for a minute during the reception and just stand there for two minutes. Take it all in. Also, make sure you get around to each of the tables for a quick hello during the meal. I did it, but my wife regretted not getting around to everyone - even for a quick word. You'd be surprised how hard it is to talk to everyone otherwise.

Speeches : Something I also regret. We should have split them up over the course of the whole meal, not just after the dessert (something I've been involved with in subsequent weddings). We should have had the father of the bride say his few words before the meal started (if he's a nervous speaker then at least he'll then be able to enjoy the meal afterwards and not be in knots in the run-up to it. Its his day too!), the father of the groom after the starter, and then the best man / groom / bride just before/around dessert. It spreads everything out and people don't have to sit through 40 minutes of tedium.

Guests: Don't invite anyone you don't really want there. Invite your real friends only, not workmates you know for a year or two. I also invited all of my cousins, which I understand not everyone can do, but think about inviting the oldest cousin in each part of your family. My parents and her parents were each given a table to populate with their friends / neighbours - no more. That also worked very well. It didn't stop me getting a word from one such neighbour about not being invited - to which I replied, "I met you twice before, why on earth would I invite you?". He didn't like it one bit but that said more about him, and why he wasn't invited by my in-laws in the first place...

Oh, and also arrange for some nibbles / canapés / sandwiches for the guests for when they reach the hotel. Its a long day and they'll all be starving by the time the meal comes along.

Enjoy it!

baby and crumble

These are all great, guys, thanks so much!

We've already made a few decision that will be best for us (I think!) including no band and a late starting ceremony (4pm) which go against some of the conventional wisdom but it's still useful to hear it all!

9or10

BetsyEllen wrote: »

I regret not having a videographer, purely because my dear Grandparents have since passed and I would LOVE to have them on video, dancing and laughing with my family.

This .

We got married 30 years ago and got a video done. Its a painful watch now seeing so many relatives and friends that are no longer here.

Wife's brother got married the following year. They didn't want a video at the time. They now wish they had

cactusgal

baby and crumble wrote: »

These are all great, guys, thanks so much!

We've already made a few decision that will be best for us (I think!) including no band and a late starting ceremony (4pm) which go against some of the conventional wisdom but it's still useful to hear it all!

I much much much prefer late starting ceremonies (I find the typical Irish wedding a hell of a long day); I was at a wedding recently that started at 6 and it was lovely.

pilly

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

I wish we hadn't spent so much time with the photographer or on family photos....I felt like our wedding was happening all around us and we missed it! And I wish we had ordered more evening food....it went in a flash!

Stuff I'm delighted we did...
Hired our cake....it was amazing and nobody knew!
Made my own veil and bouquets....so very simple and cost almost nothing!

Hired a cake!! What a great idea, never knew you could do that, probably couldn't in my day. :P I've never seen anyone but Granny eat some of the wedding cake, such a waste.