Sent the first text - did I blow it?

LegacyUser

So in the local coffee shop where I frequent during working hours, I finally got the balls to ask the barista for her number.

She told me she was busy with work and college etc but I told her I would like to take her out for something to eat so she gave me her number.

I had a weekend abroad planned so I only texted her when I returned home (4 days later) but alas I have had no response - going on 3 days now. Text was along the lines of 'Hi X, it's Y, hope you're well! Perhaps we could grab something to eat sometime?'

I am a little bemused to be honest - did I do something wrong? Was waiting 4 days until I was back from England too long? Maybe she is very busy but too busy for a text back?

Anyway, I was just looking for some of your opinions because as I said, I'm a bit miffed by it all!

Needless to say, I shall not be returning to that coffee shop for a while! (to save my blushes!)

Rekop dog

Probably just as simple as she's wasn't that attracted to you. She was already making excuses before she gave you her number which wasn't the best sign. Or there could be someone else on the scene that she already has an investment in. Anyway the lack of reply after 3 days is enough of a hint that she isn't interested and to move on.

Airyfairy12

She's just not that interested by the sounds of it

Big Bag of Chips

Is it even the right number? Sounds like she tried to let you down gently and you persisted.

padd b1975

Maybe she's old-fashioned and respects a guy more who's not afraid to ask her out face to face.

Valentina

Sounds like she wasn't interested when she said she was busy with work and college.

Fair play for having the guts to ask her but I'd move on now.

retro:electro

padd b1975 wrote: »

Maybe she's old-fashioned and respects a guy more who's not afraid to ask her out face to face.

Or more likely she's simply not interested. It's clear she wasn't interested from the get go.

Irish_Elect_Eng

Yes, you waited too long.

You should have called and spoken to her, asking for a date by text is poor form.

Text game was very weak and lacked detail, if you are going to ask someone out by text or other e-message be definitive and positive, there is no non-verbals to rely on so the detail must be in the message. Your text was more like two friends catching up at the weekend, not an invite to a date.

There was no firm arrangement, no timing and you did not ask for a response, so why expect one?

If you are put off that easily and are not going to follow-up then it was probably for the best that she did not reply.

face1990

Irish_Elect_Eng wrote: »

Your text was more like two friends catching up at the weekend, not an invite to a date.

There was no firm arrangement, no timing and you did not ask for a response, so why expect one?

You don't need to specify a time and place right off the bat, and make a formal request for a reply. If someone's interested, they'll reply.

But she isn't interested.
There's nothing more to read into it than that.

pookie82

ProbablyBlewIt wrote: »

She told me she was busy with work and college etc but I told her I would like to take her out for something to eat so she gave me her number.

Did you ask her out while she was at work? i.e. "corner" her in her workplace?

It sounds like she tried to blow you off nicely, but because you persisted and she could hardly walk out (of her own workplace), she relented and gave you her number, perhaps never intending to reciprocate. May not even be her genuine number tbh.

I would draw a line now, she hasn't responded and probably won't. I don't think it's anything to do with the time left in between; if she was eager, she'd be delighted to hear from you. Please don't approach her again or persist in her place of work as it's likely to make her very uncomfortable.

VisibleGorilla

Fair play to have the balls to do that, not many men would.

Unfortunately for you it's clear she doesn't find you attractive, if she did she would offer up the number very easily and respond to your message.

Wouldn't worry about it, delete number and move on, if you have the confidence to do that you'll have no problems. All a numbers game.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Forgot to state that we had a little back and forth with me telling her that I'm doing a part-time Masters and her asking what I was doing it in etc.

She did give me the correct number as I saw her pic on Whatsapp when it updated my contact list.

Thanks for your responses, think I'll delete the number now alright (and won't be going to that coffee shop anymore!). She is probably not interested alright.

It's just the lack of a response is annoying ya know? I suppose that IS the response....but anyway.

SarahMollie

You didnt "blow it" because there was nothing there to start with.

She fobbed you off, you persisted, so she gave you her number so as to make the immediate situation go away.

She's now ignored your text, so you have your answer.

Let it go. Shes not obliged to respond the way you'd like her to.

Katgurl

Fair play to you.

Unfortunately this lady isn't interested it seems - she might be thinking about somebody else or you might not be her particular cup of tea.

Don't take it personally, there could be a million and one reasons.

I wouldn't get embarrassed either, just breeze in there like you own the place.

MeatTwoVeg

Stop over thinking this, it's quite simple.

She's not interested, move on.

timmy880

Valiant effort but she isn't interested by the sounds of it... Plenty more fish in the sea and all that! Don't worry about it

stateofflux

ProbablyBlewIt wrote: »

So in the local coffee shop where I frequent during working hours, I finally got the balls to ask the barista for her number.

She told me she was busy with work and college etc but I told her I would like to take her out for something to eat so she gave me her number.

I had a weekend abroad planned so I only texted her when I returned home (4 days later) but alas I have had no response - going on 3 days now. Text was along the lines of 'Hi X, it's Y, hope you're well! Perhaps we could grab something to eat sometime?'

I am a little bemused to be honest - did I do something wrong? Was waiting 4 days until I was back from England too long? Maybe she is very busy but too busy for a text back?

Anyway, I was just looking for some of your opinions because as I said, I'm a bit miffed by it all!

Needless to say, I shall not be returning to that coffee shop for a while! (to save my blushes!)

you are better off giving a girl your number than taking hers. if she really wants to meet you she will text. saves you wasting your time.

anewme

I'd be quicker to respond to a text than to text a Number of a person I don't know.

Op, Handled it perfectly, but in this case she was not interested. Don't lett that put you off.

Op Seens straightforward, not too heavy at the start, genuine guy, am sure will be snapped up.

ECO_Mental

I don't know! she actually gave you her real number so that is something. If she wasn't interested she would have made up an excuse like I'm already in a relationship that is the easiest excuse to give. The fact she gave you her real number there might be something to it. How many texts did you say you sent was it one only? I think the would be no harm in sending a second one but nothing to strong like; "hi, just in case you missed my last text but it's frank here from the coffee shop we met a few days ago, if you are still up for it would you like to go for drink or something."

No one should I've up after one I un-responded to text. But that is only if you only have sent one text before if she doesn't reply to the second move on.

batmanrobin

ECO_Mental wrote: »

I don't know! she actually gave you her real number so that is something. If she wasn't interested she would have made up an excuse like I'm already in a relationship that is the easiest excuse to give. The fact she gave you her real number there might be something to it. How many texts did you say you sent was it one only? I think the would be no harm in sending a second one but nothing to strong like; "hi, just in case you missed my last text but it's frank here from the coffee shop we met a few days ago, if you are still up for it would you like to go for drink or something."

No one should I've up after one I un-responded to text. But that is only if you only have sent one text before if she doesn't reply to the second move on.

Don't contact her again. OP, her response to you when you first asked for her number i.e. telling you she was busy, was her polite way of saying not interested. You asked her out in her place of employment. That wasn't going to be comfortable for her. She might have felt like she had to give it when you pushed for it. You then contacted her and she didn't respond. Again, not interested.

If she actually was interested, she wouldn't have come out with "I'm too busy" as her response to you asking for her number.

stateofflux

batmanrobin wrote: »

Don't contact her again. OP, her response to you when you first asked for her number i.e. telling you she was busy, was her polite way of saying not interested. You asked her out in her place of employment. That wasn't going to be comfortable for her. She might have felt like she had to give it when you pushed for it. You then contacted her and she didn't respond. Again, not interested.

If she actually was interested, she wouldn't have come out with "I'm too busy" as her response to you asking for her number.

id agree with this. Some girls / and guys will give numbers just for an ego hit with zero intention of ever meeting the person or just to get rid of somebody they dont want to talk to anymore

PressRun

I don't think she gave him the number for an "ego hit". It was clear from the get-go that she wasn't interested but the OP persisted. This interaction also took place in her place of work where she doesn't really have any way out. My guess is she wanted to get out of situation as quickly as possible and just gave in.

This isn't a slight on the OP btw. It was a brave effort and you didn't do anything wrong in asking for her number (except maybe asking for it while she was working). However, you got your answer the first time when she told you she was busy. I wouldn't contact her again.

ECO_Mental

Obviously I'm wrong here by the number of likes in saying not to pursue it more so take that advice OP.

The bigger question here is I suppose and what I'm saying is, should someone give up on "1" non returned text. I don't think so. 2 yes 1 no

The Young Wan

ProbablyBlewIt wrote: »

OP here.

Forgot to state that we had a little back and forth with me telling her that I'm doing a part-time Masters and her asking what I was doing it in etc.

She did give me the correct number as I saw her pic on Whatsapp when it updated my contact list.

Thanks for your responses, think I'll delete the number now alright (and won't be going to that coffee shop anymore!). She is probably not interested alright.

It's just the lack of a response is annoying ya know? I suppose that IS the response....but anyway.

Having worked in a coffee shop, I can tell you there's a difference between being nice to someone because they're a customer, and being nice to them because you're interested in them.

That doesn't even just apply to coffee shop workers, but it's very true in this case.

Ursus Horribilis

ProbablyBlewIt wrote: »

It's just the lack of a response is annoying ya know? I suppose that IS the response....but anyway.

I hear ya! There is something maddening about an ignored text at a time like this. But as you said, it is a response. Not the one you'd like of course...

Fair play to you for having the guts to try. I admire anyone who takes courage into their hands and asks someone out. Hopefully the next girl will much more enthusiastic

Lux23

ECO_Mental wrote: »

Obviously I'm wrong here by the number of likes in saying not to pursue it more so take that advice OP.

The bigger question here is I suppose and what I'm saying is, should someone give up on "1" non returned text. I don't think so. 2 yes 1 no

There is probably no harm in sending a second text, but I wouldn't expect different results. Really the OP should have relented when the girl said she was busy.

BetsyEllen

Lux23 wrote: »

There is probably no harm in sending a second text, but I wouldn't expect different results. Really the OP should have relented when the girl said she was busy.

If someone sent me a second text after I had ignored the first one, I would be well and truly put off them.
It just smacks of desperation I think!

Keep your dignity and don't text again.

Lux23

BetsyEllen wrote: »

If someone sent me a second text after I had ignored the first one, I would be well and truly put off them.
It just smacks of desperation I think!

Keep your dignity and don't text again.

I would have already blocked him.

batmanrobin

ECO_Mental wrote: »

Obviously I'm wrong here by the number of likes in saying not to pursue it more so take that advice OP.

The bigger question here is I suppose and what I'm saying is, should someone give up on "1" non returned text. I don't think so. 2 yes 1 no

If she hadn't fobbed him off when he first approached her, I'd be inclined to agree with sending a second text. But she has rejected him twice: the first when she said she was too busy and the second when she didn't respond.

Dial Hard

Lux23 wrote:

I would have already blocked him.

But you just told him to send another text?

Bandana boy

No harm sending a second text but it should be well crafted and amusing text , another "would you like to meet sometime" will come across desperate.

A light hearted reference to "sometime" not working for you either how about any evening etc

quadrifoglio verde

Op, she's not interested in you. It doesn't matter where you asked her out, if she wanted to see you, she would have replied.

It's easy to know when a girl isn't interested. She'll either ignore your text or if you're texting back and forth and you suggest a date, she says she's busy that day, she's not interested

If she replied to you asking to go on a date by saying I can't go Tuesday because I've knitting but can on Friday, you're in. She has some interest in you.
Stop wasting time on a girl who has no interest, spend it on finding one that is. Don't worry about asking a girl out at her work place. If she's head over heals about you, she'll be interested and will reply

Lux23

Dial Hard wrote: »

But you just told him to send another text?

True, won't matter if it is a blocked number!

ibarelycare

Her not replying is effectively an "I'm not interested" reply. Keep your dignity and just leave it at that. Don't send another message.