boyfriend wont employ me

LegacyUser

hello im just wondering if i could get some advice my boyfriend runs 3 small shops he has staff all cousins that he barley knows strangers etc my contract for my job ended last month now im sitting in our house everyday well he gives people he barley knows work and im getting very down over this and its causing massive fights he refuses to let any of the staff go and tells me there is not enough work we are going out 4 years and im scraping by on social welfare

kylith

IME employing close friends or family usually ends badly; you can never just leave work at work, it always follows you home.

Give your boyfriend a break and keep looking for work elsewhere.

whoopsadoodles

You want someone let go so you can have a job?

Get a grip of yourself and go look for a job yourself. There's no reason one should be handed to you on a plate.

Pawwed Rig

Are you suggesting he fire one of his employees to employ you? That is a sure fire way to end up in a tribunal.

Be independent. Get your own job. He doesn't owe you employment.

LegacyUser

Your boyfriend will not be able to get rid of someone from one of the shops to give you work - if he tries to fire someone in the wrong he could be sued. Yes he may have in the past given work to people he knows like relatives ect.
The goverment may say things are getting better in the economy.
The reality is that most shops now have staff working 2 or 3 days week and giving them more hours if the business is going though a busier period.

I would also say that you better off not to be working with boyfriends/family members as it is impossbile not to bring the business or it's problems home. Sign up with some agencies and see if you can get some temp work.
Look for work relevent to the skills you already have or where you can up grade your skills.

pookie82

Wow, this is a first. Your bf OWES you employment? And at the expense of someone else, who you expect him to fire?

With that attitude I'm surprised he's still with you, let alone entertaining conversations about employing you.

I'm sure his "3 shops" aren't the only ones in town ...

Meauldsegosha

iamsad wrote: »

now im sitting in our house everyday

Are you trying to find other employment or just hoping your boyfriend will hand you a job?

Personally, I would hate to be dependent on my partner to give me a job.

Corvo

Grow up.

SarahMollie

OP, it would be one thing if he had vacancies going, but to expect him to let an existing employee go to facilitate you is beyond ridiculous.

Also, would you really want to work for your partner? As a short term, stop gap, I can see how it might seem handy, but in the long term you'd be far better off working somewhere else.

You seem to think that the fact that his employees are distant cousins or strangers is a bad thing. Its probably completely on purpose as he doesnt want to mix business with his home life.

mapaca

Maybe if he had a job available that would suit you, he'd hire you no bother. But it sounds like that's not the case. He can't just fire someone else, workers have rights and he could be sued! I hope you're doing your own job hunting in the meantime, looking online, dropping in CVs to businesses, etc. Something will come up.

robindch

iamsad wrote: »

[...] he gives people he barley knows work [...]

He's quite right to keep you independent of work. Getting you involved will caused hassle because other employees might feel uncomfortable knowing that everything they say could be reported back. Or they could be aggrieved if they learn that somebody is let go to make way for you, not to mention any legal proceedings that might arise. More importantly, if you ever break up, you're going to lose your job and your relationship in one go and that's not a good place to be, particularly if it's you who wants to end the relationship. You should also be aware that he might not like the way you would work or feel unable to comment upon how you work without making things difficult back home. Working with family and friends can be a recipe for disaster and unhappiness and if you're having fights at home, then I can quite understand why he doesn't want you in work fighting there too.

I've run two companies for something like twenty years and we've only ever given trivial bits of once-off work to SO's, family members and friends - and made it clear beforehand, that they'll be judged on performance only.

Your bf is doing the right thing and I would strongly recommend that you look for work elsewhere.

jameorahiely

If you're in dublin burger king on o connell street and some shops and newsagents between there and westmoreland street have staff wanted signs in the window.

I would agree with others, your boyfriend doesn't owe you a job and can't sack someone to make way for you.

homerjay2005

jameorahiely wrote: »

If you're in dublin burger king on o connell street and some shops and newsagents between there and westmoreland street have staff wanted signs in the window.

I would agree with others, your boyfriend doesn't owe you a job and can't sack someone to make way for you.

yes, there seems lots of service related jobs around at the moment, especially in the run up to christmas now too.

Yellow pack crisps

It can get very complicated employing a partner. I know you are probably hurt by this but look at it from your partners perspective and the stuff he has to deal with on a daily basis is probably very stressful and it's four places and whether you think so or not but you would be a counterproductive person there as you would take things personally for all sorts of reasons and scenario thus further putting stress on your partner and eventually your relationship. You might not think it but your partner is doing you a favour here.

ivytwine

A long time ago my mother was sacked because her boss parachuted his wagon of a wife in and she wanted her gone. So my sympathy is very limited.

Nobody owes you a job. Fix your CV and get one yourself.

LegacyUser

just to clear things up he employs at least 4 people who are on social welfare and working its all under the table i want to get of the social and work these people dont they want to work and still get dole which i think and know is wrong this is whats making me angry

Airyfairy12

Working for friends/family or anyone youre close too in your personal life can cause allot of problems, someone I was very good friends with offered to work in a small business I was running and it all went wrong, because we were close I suppose she thought she could take over and do what she wanted and because of our friendship it made it very difficult for me to push her back and stand my ground, if it was anyone else I would have told them where to go but saying anything would have caused too many problems. It was a very awkward situation to be in.
Maybe he just doesn't want any potential problems or maybe he really cant afford to take on more staff and hasn't got good reason to just let someone go to give you a job, if an employer sacked someone to make room for a friend or partner that wouldn't make him or his business look very good and would probably cause tension between him and other employees and most likely you as well, or maybe he doesn't want you that dependent on him and would like to keep his personal life and work life separate. There could be 101 reasons why he won't employ you. Ive family that works in a hotel, they could easily have gotten me a cleaning or waitressing job when ive been badly in need of work but they refused to help me out, some people are just that way for whatever reason., I think its best to just accept it because it'll only cause arguments.

Can you do some babysitting or volunteer work in the meantime until something else comes along?

Airyfairy12

iamsad wrote: »

just to clear things up he employs at least 4 people who are on social welfare and working its all under the table i want to get of the social and work these people dont they want to work and still get dole which i think and know is wrong this is whats making me angry

Thats totally wrong and they shouldnt be doing that but its up to him who he employs, not you. Hes taking a chance and will have to face consequences if hes caught but that still doesnt mean he has to give you a job. Maybe he pays them under minimum wage so its cheaper for him to employ them. Anyway people on social welfare are allowed to work its just very difficult to do as the social welfare requires pages and pages of information from the employer every week outlining the hours and days they worked, how much they were paid ect, allot of employers dont want to have to fill out countless forms every week so they employ people illegally instead to avoid the hassle.

Pawwed Rig

I doubt that is true tbh. There are trails for retailers that Revenue can easily follow. If you are really trying to say someone is running 4 shops with zero VAT rtns, P35s, P30s, etc being filed I am calling bull.

dudara

Posters - please try to restrict yourself to offering constructive advice to the OP, rather than smart comments.

dudara

freshpopcorn

I hope I don't cause offence to the OP in this post but if I did own a business I've family/friends that I'd gladly employ but theirs others who I like but I just won't employ them!

iamsad

iamsad wrote: »

just to clear things up he employs at least 4 people who are on social welfare and working its all under the table i want to get of the social and work these people dont they want to work and still get dole which i think and know is wrong this is whats making me angry

I really wouldn't go around saying things like that, regardless of truth or not. Kind of thing that can get some people into a lot of trouble.

Your boyfriend doesn't have to employ you. Do you have any qualifications? Do you have any previous experience?

B.A._Baracus

My two cents....
While the comment of he has 4 people working for him under the table sounds like BS.... I do have to be the dark horse in this thread and say he should give her a job.

let's be REALLY honest here. We help those closest to us in life. Be it family or close friends or partners. Like if the boyfriend was only dating the Op for something like 6 months or a year he'd be mad to give her a job. You don't know how the relationship could go. But we're talking about a 4 year relationship and she stated she lives with him. Sounds pretty serious to me.

If I were in his shoes and my girlfriend was unemployed while I have the means to give her a job? She'd have a job tomorrow. Some of you's may call that nepotism but the reality is that's the way the world works. After all, "it's who you know, not what you know"

Call me a jerk for this next bit but so be it... The boyfriend is dating the OP and presumably still wants to right? So isn't it in his best interests to keep her happy? Even if it's at the expense of someone else loosing their job. Many an employer has given the son-in-law (etc) a job in this world by getting rid of someone else.

So op ask him why doesnt he want to give you a job. Get to the bottom of it. After all he comes home to you. Sleeps with you. Has sex with you. These other people working there don't mean the same. Sure they may come and go in the job. Your his partner tho.

Teyla Emmagan

I am not surprised you are having huge fights. If I was your boyfriend I would be really annoyed by your attitude too. He doesn't owe you a job. And very few people want to live and work with the same person too, have you at all considered what this might do to your relationship?

The status of the other people he employs is also nothing to do with the issue.

There are jobs out there, you will just have to get off your backside, work on your self-pitying attitude and find one.

Airyfairy12

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I am not surprised you are having huge fights. If I was your boyfriend I would be really annoyed by your attitude too. He doesn't owe you a job. And very few people want to live and work with the same person too, have you at all considered what this might do to your relationship?

The status of the other people he employs is also nothing to do with the issue.

There are jobs out there, you will just have to get off your backside, work on your self-pitying attitude and find one.

No need to be so nasty, I kind of get where the OP is coming from, its very frustrating when youre in a tough spot and people youre close too could help you out if they really wanted to but they refuse to, I can understand why he cant or wont offer her employment but it still must be frustrating from her point of view. There are jobs out there, that doesnt mean she can just automatically be handed one, its actually really hard for some people to find employment, it doesnt mean theyre lazy or self pitying just maybe down on their luck or in a hard spot. Its especially hard for people who dont have a supportive network of friends, family or acquaintances that can help them out.

Dial Hard

Airyfairy12 wrote:

No need to be so nasty

There was absolutely zero nastiness in that post.

Airyfairy12 wrote:

There are jobs out there, that doesnt mean she can just automatically be handed one, its actually really hard for some people.

Sorry, but isn't that exactly what the OP is expecting here, to be automatically handed a job by her boyfriend?

backspacer

You shouldn't expect anything in life for free,stop moaning,get out there and look for a job as opposed to waiting for one to be handed to you. Christ on a bike, it's not your bf job to employ you, it's your responsibility at the end of the day.

ted1

You are sleeping with him, if you broke up you could bring a harresment suit.

You are sleeping with the boss that could make the other staff uncomfortable.

LegacyUser

He doesent owe me a job I never said that but I find it unfair his taking strangers on there keeping there full dole and getting paid aswell while I sit in the house all day crying out for work he actually just took someone new on when I was out of work and it's not bull**** it's happening these people are working and claiming full dole which I really don't agree with

robindch

iamsad wrote: »

[...] people are working and claiming full dole [...]

If people are working and claiming dole, then they're engaged in welfare fraud - basically, stealing money from ordinary Irish tax payers.

Suspicions can be reported via the following web page directly to the Department of Social Protection:

https://www.welfare.ie/en/Pages/secure/ReportFraud.aspx

Stheno

iamsad wrote: »

He doesent owe me a job I never said that but I find it unfair his taking strangers on there keeping there full dole and getting paid aswell while I sit in the house all day crying out for work he actually just took someone new on when I was out of work and it's not bull**** it's happening these people are working and claiming full dole which I really don't agree with

Report him?

December2012

iamsad wrote: »

He doesent owe me a job I never said that but I find it unfair his taking strangers on there keeping there full dole and getting paid aswell while I sit in the house all day crying out for work he actually just took someone new on when I was out of work and it's not bull**** it's happening these people are working and claiming full dole which I really don't agree with

What reason does he give you?

Ursus Horribilis

How does he treat you in general?

Turtle_

iamsad wrote: »

I sit in the house all day crying out for work he actually just took someone new on when I was out of work and it's not bull**** it's happening these people are working and claiming full dole which I really don't agree with

Why are you sitting home all day? Is there nothing you can do? Dog walking? Volunteer? You know, plug the gap in your cv.

I don't like the idea that he hires on the cheap while his staff claim the dole, but he's dead right not to hire you. You seem convinced that he should hire you but he really shouldn't. Don't work with family unless it's on an even footing. He'd be your boss. If you value your relationship, you wouldn't want to complicate it with an imbalance in power for most of the day.

Why exactly can't you get a job off your own back?

Airyfairy12

Turtle_ wrote: »

Why are you sitting home all day? Is there nothing you can do? Dog walking? Volunteer? You know, plug the gap in your cv.

I don't like the idea that he hires on the cheap while his staff claim the dole, but he's dead right not to hire you. You seem convinced that he should hire you but he really shouldn't. Don't work with family unless it's on an even footing. He'd be your boss. If you value your relationship, you wouldn't want to complicate it with an imbalance in power for most of the day.

Why exactly can't you get a job off your own back?

Its genuinely really hard for people to find work, especially if you live in a small town or generally anywhere outside a city, volunteer opportunities are often advertised as one thing then you show up and they pretty much just have you standing on the street with a bucket collecting money for four hours a day, selling flags or bag packing, I know from personal experience of applying to volunteer vacancies, they dont offer much in regards to opportunities and experience

eviltwin

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Its genuinely really hard for people to find work, especially if you live in a small town or generally anywhere outside a city, volunteer opportunities are often advertised as one thing then you show up and they pretty much just have you standing on the street with a bucket collecting money for four hours a day, selling flags or bag packing, I know from personal experience of applying to volunteer vacancies, they dont offer much in regards to opportunities and experience

They show a willingness to get up off your backside and do something productive. That looks better on your cv than a gap of doing nothing.

backspacer

iamsad wrote: »

He doesent owe me a job I never said that but I find it unfair his taking strangers on there keeping there full dole and getting paid aswell while I sit in the house all day crying out for work he actually just took someone new on when I was out of work and it's not bull**** it's happening these people are working and claiming full dole which I really don't agree with

If he doesn't owe you a job then why are you complaining? How he hires is his own business, not really something that should concern you unless you have an active part in the business.

On a side note,have you considered reskilling if you are unemployed? May be worth asking your local social welfare officer if there is any programmes you may be eligible through FAS / ETB. At worse you get to fill time and gaps on your CV, and pick up a new skill in the process.

gaynorvader

iamsad wrote: »

just to clear things up he employs at least 4 people who are on social welfare and working its all under the table i want to get of the social and work these people dont they want to work and still get dole which i think and know is wrong this is whats making me angry

You can work up to 3 days a week and still be entitled to your full dole. Not sure if this is the case or not here.

B.A._Baracus

I wonder if the Op's boyfriend has realised that by giving her a job it's also an extra income into their home. Just a thought. Gas, Electricity and other bills need to be paid.

Edups

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I wonder if the Op's boyfriend has realised that by giving her a job it's also an extra income into their home. Just a thought. Gas, Electricity and other bills need to be paid.

Are you joking?
His business and by paying his girlfriend that's extra money?
Really?
HIS PROFIT
Handed to someone he lives with
More household income?
Are you sure you did the maths right?

B.A._Baracus

Edups wrote: »

Are you joking?
His business and by paying his girlfriend that's extra money?
Really?
HIS PROFIT
Handed to someone he lives with
More household income?
Are you sure you did the maths right?

I'm sorry if I come off as rude, it's just did you read the whole thread? Because you are coming off as really silly.
Op, says he (her partner) took on someone recently. Well, that could have been the op.

You are obviously aware how business works, right? If I run 5 shops and out of those 5 shops I need to hire one more person... So I hire one more person. If that person just so happens to be my wife / girlfriend / boyfriend / partner then it's extra revenue into our home as I live with them as opposed to hiring a random joe/jane?

Do you grasp that concept?

deco nate

Stheno wrote: »

Report him?

Why? Part time workers can get most of the dole allowed to them. I was put on a three day week a few years ago and this was the case,why assume he is doing wrong?
Tbh, op seems like a spoiled kid wanting her way by her post. Imo. Keeps chopping and changing the story.
Why should anyone be given an easy ride just because they think they should be given a job? Imo you have to earn it.

Go looking for a job outside of you're relationship,if you want/look hard enough you will find one, and feel better for doing it for yourself.


Edit;also anyone that has been on the dole for over 12 months and applys for a job, an employer is entitled to a subsidy to help pay the wages for 12 months, this may be the case here.

BreadnBuddha

OP, you have a completely unreasonable expectation. As your boss, there's every chance he'll need to treat you as such from time to time. If you feel like you're entitled to a job now because you're his girlfriend, which you clearly do, what are the chances you won't feel entitled again come the day he needs to be your boss first and your boyfriend second?

The man would be a total fool to employ you.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

deco nate wrote:

. Keeps chopping and changing the story. Why should anyone be given an easy ride just because they think they should be given a job? Imo you have to earn it.

First of all, where does she change her story? It seems totally consistent to me.

Secondly, although YOUR opinion is that people should have to work really hard to ever get a job, I'm another person who thinks that you should look out for your loved ones. As another poster mentioned, it would be more of the income from the shops coming into the household. He seems to employ people at least somewhat nepotistically because they're cousins and distant relatives. Not giving a leg up to your own partner is basically saying "you suck".

deco nate

Addyson Swift Goon wrote: »

First of all, where does she change her story? It seems totally consistent to me.

Secondly, although YOUR opinion is that people should have to work really hard to ever get a job, I'm another person who thinks that you should look out for your loved ones. As another poster mentioned, it would be more of the income from the shops coming into the household. He seems to employ people at least somewhat nepotistically because they're cousins and distant relatives. Not giving a leg up to your own partner is basically saying "you suck".

Read her first post again, then have ago, you misread it.

(here's a clue, NOT all are family. Also read my post back. Anyone over 12 months on the dole that gets a job an employer can apply for a subsidy to help pay the wage for the next 12 months if taken on full time, this may be mistaken by the op as "claiming the dole" if you want me to expand more, ask)

wandererz

You need to start with full stops, capitalisation and proper spelling.

If your boyfriend has a number of stores you could be running them. But you have to prove that you could be able to do the job.

Obviously, if you cannot capitalise, use full stops or use the proper spelling then you cannot be trusted with running a business or a store or a department within a store.

He has more trust in the people he has working for him currently.

Get to grips.
Speak and write proper English to begin with and you will get further.
BTW, i am typing this on a mobile effing phone and yet i still manage to punctuate!
And speak proper English.

Go ahead and shout out of your window instead.

Poor effing boyfriend that he has to deal with this crap as well as having to deal with a business. It's not easy, it's harder for Pete's sake.

If you cannot punctuate, capitalise, or use sentences properly then he is doing you a favour.

Accept that and go on and do something else.

It probably means that he loves you, but please don't go ahead and screw up his business because that's what he doesn't want you to do.

Accept it and move on.

Or else help him figure out how to improve his stores compared to what he is doing currently.

That way you add value.

Even so, if you reply, please provide a better response compared to your original post in terms of sentences etc.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

wandererz wrote:

Get to grips. Speak and write proper English to begin with and you will get further. BTW, i am typing this on a mobile effing phone and yet i still manage to punctuate! And speak proper English.

Don't be so hateful and patronising. The OP is writing on an online message board. I'm sure if she's required to write in work (and in a shop, she'll probably have to mostly write notes; shorthand would be fine) she'll use the appropriate language. That's not the issue and you're just looking to pick faults out from virtually nothing.

deco nate wrote:

(here's a clue, NOT all are family. Also read my post back. Anyone over 12 months on the dole that gets a job an employer can apply for a subsidy to help pay the wage for the next 12 months if taken on full time, this may be mistaken by the op as "claiming the dole" if you want me to expand more, ask)

Many are family, so he clearly does take on family.

As for your second point about the employer subsidy, if that's what he's doing, that's a beneficial reason to hire her; he'll be compensated for taking her off social welfare. The mechanics of how the other employees are paid through that recruitment scheme aren't relevant and/or provable so I don't know why you're bringing them into a conversation which is essentially about her boyfriend not giving her a job to help her out.

wandererz

Lets look at the very first post again:

'Hello im just wondering if i could get some advice my boyfriend runs 3 small shops he has staff all cousins that he barley knows strangers etc my contract for my job ended last month now im sitting in our house everyday well he gives people he barley knows work and im getting very down over this and its causing massive fights he refuses to let any of the staff go and tells me there is not enough work we are going out 4 years and im scraping by on social welfare."

Happy days. There is a reason for this.
Firstly, get people thinking correctly in terms of expectations.

Secondly, have them ALL understand that business owners do not get treated the same as PAYE workers in terms of tax and other expenditure. Sometimes it's much worse!

If everyone else is his cousins, then where does that leave you?
You are the girlfriend, so nowhere.
Why do you expect anything?

Edups

Shall we forget anything else here and just focus on the fact she suggested he fire some staff to make room for her? Like OP is so selfish to her own desires, she'd have someone else stuck on welfare and her boyfriend hammered by the unfair dismissal tribunal. If you want a job so badly, get up off your arse, go out and find one. I'd love someone to hand me a job on a plate but it's not happening, you aren't anymore entitled to a job just because the owner is your partner, grow up and get a grip.

B.A._Baracus

Edups wrote: »

Shall we forget anything else here and just focus on the fact she suggested he fire some staff to make room for her? Like OP is so selfish to her own desires, she'd have someone else stuck on welfare and her boyfriend hammered by the unfair dismissal tribunal. If you want a job so badly, get up off your arse, go out and find one. I'd love someone to hand me a job on a plate but it's not happening, you aren't anymore entitled to a job just because the owner is your partner, grow up and get a grip.

Hey Edups,
Unfair Dissmal!? :rolleyes:

Can I be honest? I am sick of hearing that on boards.ie - it's the usual "well they can't do that!" bulls*it.

I could be running a company and you are working for me. But let's just say I don't like you and want to sack you (Wrong I know) But do you think I or any other employer would be so thick to leave ourselves open to legal action? No mate... Sorry.

We'd poke holes in your work. Saying your work is not up to standard. Perhaps even blow everything out of proportion such as you being constantly late from lunch (Even if it's only by 5 minutes) or a spat you had with a fellow co-worker. Saying you are unsocial and cannot work in a team environment. The creative reasons to fire someone are endless. So if you think there would be legal action from the OP's partner firing someone you really should re-evaluate things.

Optimalprimerib

As manager of 3 shops, he would have alot of crap to deal with when handling his current employees. Maybe he wants to have a home to go to where he can keep his life and job separate. He also knows you for 4 years so he knows your good and bad points. He might realise that although he loves you, you are not the type of employee he'd wish to have.

If you are demanding he fires someone for your gain, what would you demand from him working for him? This creates a conflict of interest that could get him into serious trouble. Plus the fact that he seems to tell you some confidential information about the current staff that you are more than willing to tell strangers on the internet, hiring you in my opinion would be a very dangerous move.