Bullying at the ppi awards.

TheLonelyOne

From niall boylan 4fm.

"Bullying and the Irony"

The day after the night before is always one to reflect on and this morning after last night’s PPI Radio awards in Kilkenny I had so much to reflect on. This is a long read but I think it will be worth it, particularly for the individual’s involved last night’s small but very significant incident.

Similar to last year I was hoping to get my little mitts on the top prize but alas it wasn't to be. We were awarded the Silver award for the "Say no to Bullying" campaign and I was more disappointed for Helena O'Toole who put so much effort into making the campaign award winning but to be recognised with the silver was worth a celebration and was well received. Also I was happy to come second place to Today FMs tribute and cancer awareness campaign after the death of our good colleague Tony Fenton (RIP).
As most will be aware I very rarely drink alcohol and last night was no exception a. I find it really great to meet many people from all over the country in the industry that I love so much. Many of whom I consider friends and others just acquaintances. So the meal is served (beef was cooked to perfection) awards presented, celebrations were finished, champagne was quaffed by all and it was time for the three or four hours of networking. I got to chat to people and the competition (in some sense) that I don't really see from one year to the next. Putting faces to the familiar voices in a great industry of hard working professionals and meeting the people behind the scenes that make the magic of radio happen all over the country.

Many of you may or may not know the background to this story, so let me as brief as possible. When I was 7 years of age I was bullied really badly in school by a group of older kids and when I look back I should have stood up for myself better but I was a bit of softy and possibly sensitive but I suppose we are all unique in some sense. The bullying became so bad at the age of 9 that I was afraid to go to school. I can still remember the day I went to my mother and asked her why my hair was falling out. It started with a shiny section of scalp the size of a two Euro piece and I was marched off to the matter hospital where they diagnosed it as Alopecia (hair loss) brought on by stress. Who would have thought a nine year old could be that stressed. It was recommended I get cortisone injections in the scalp every week. Ten to twenty injections in your scalp every week at nine is something you don't forget too quickly. The fact I now had a clump of hair missing I was a target for every twit in the class to rename me "Patch" or "Patchhead" as well as the less educated making Indian sounds insinuating I had been scalped. It got to the point that my 5th class teacher one day asked me "to be quiet or ill pull the rest of your hair out". So now the not only did the students feel the need to make me feel **** about myself but the one person I thought might support me, joined in to give credibility to the bullying campaign.

This avalanche of name calling and constant bullying made the problem worse and within months practically all my hair was gone. I would sit and eat my lunch in the cloakroom or behind the prefabs so I couldn't be found and get a few minutes free from the name calling.

This continued on in to secondary school and astonishingly I started to deal with it and my hair grew back at about fourteen but going through five years of hiding and dealing with the name calling and has taken its toll on my self-esteem and self-confidence.

To make a long story a little shorter I lost my hair once again during my twenties and for those that might not be familiar, alopecia is not like natural male baldness as you are left with bright and dark patches of scalp even if you shave it off, so the option to pretend it's just natural baldness doesn't work to well. People I knew thought I was ill and getting chemotherapy or suffering from serious illness. I decided to get hair replacement about 20 years ago, which is never perfect but helps to mask the problem and get me through life. Still conscious every day of what people think, will they notice, will they mention it, what if they notice. I know it's silly but unless you were that nine year old you have no idea how it can affect you. Up to a few years ago, I would step out of weeding pictures, I would avoid looking in mirrors in case I noticed my own hair issues. For something so simple it's played a huge part of my life and not something I can ever explain in words.

OK so know you the background to the story, let's get back to the radio awards. It was 2:30 am and as I mentioned I'm not drinking. I spoke to very prominent DJ in Dublin who over the las few years I considered a nice enough guy and an acquaintance. He was with two other very familiar acquaintances who are also very prominent DJs in Dublin, one of whom made remarks before (on social media) and I asked him to have some consideration my feelings and I believed he understood. I turn my back and was speaking to good friends and the mood was really great. Suddenly without warning I feel this first guy behind me tugging at the back of my hair and heard them laughing. I ignored it briefly and it continued. The person I was talking to knew exactly what they were doing and the reason and said "give it up". I turned and I said "it doesn't come off lads". They were laughing and thought the fact they upset me was hilarious. I put my arm around the ring leader and whispered in his ear "I spent years of my life dealing with people like you". I walked away from the situation immediately and for some reason all the memories of how I felt as a child being called names came back to me. I spoke briefly to another friend but I was physically there but mentally miles away and completely distracted by what had just happed. To those reading this, you might think this is nothing and I should ignore it but when you have been through this in your life, these silly moments become monumental. I decided it was time to leave and made my exit early, in case I had to deal with looking at these guys again.

Yes I am Niall Boylan the “controversial talk show host”, “tough guy” etc etc who is well able for all the abuse on the air and very confident in a radio studio and yes I am but underneath it all I am human and there are those moments in your life where you expect a little more from people you consider intelligent adults. I don’t hate or despise the individual’s for their really childish fun but I just wanted them to know why it makes me feel the way it does. As maybe there think there moment of entertainment was acceptable or had zero effect. Sadly the succeeded in making me feel really **** about myself and how I might have looked.

The main reason for this long and possibly very boring post was to point out the irony of the night. I was there to hopefully receive an award for week long campaign against bullying and I end the night leaving for that very reason. If this post makes those individuals have a better understanding of why I felt upset by it or makes anybody reading it have a better understanding of lifelong effects bullying can have on an individual well it was worth posting it.
Thanks and have a good weekend.

Water John

Strong stuff. Best wishes. Crikey will it ever get through to the thick eejits.
Bullying has consequences, sometimes very serious.

super_furry

That's a lousy thing to happen to him, but I have to say that given the history of bullying he's suffered, I'm even more surprised that he'd send a reporter out to deliberately sexually harass women on the street.

TallGlass

They sound like a bunch of kids, who the fook pulls at someone's hair and thinks it funny? What weirdos. Niall should have given him a slap across the face the cheeky fùck.

PeterTheNinth

When I read the start of the story, I was pretty sure it was gonna end up with him getting his head flushed down the toilet. I was sort of underwhelmed by the "bullying" that he described. This is just the sort of stuff that some immature guys do when they have drink on board. You will always meet idiots in every section of society, just ignore them.

padd b1975

No reason why he couldn't have named and shamed them. There appears to have been plenty of witnesses to back up what he claims.

heybaby

PeterTheNinth wrote: »

When I read the start of the story, I was pretty sure it was gonna end up with him getting his head flushed down the toilet. I was sort of underwhelmed by the "bullying" that he described. This is just the sort of stuff that some immature guys do when they have drink on board. You will always meet idiots in every section of society, just ignore them.

To the victim, the bullying is very real and it's not up to you to put in parentheses.

While I would not be a fan of 4FM or Boylan's kind of talk radio show no matter what station it's on, I would absolutely respect his desire to be treated with courtesy and as an equal at a celebration with his peers, regardless of whether drink had been even taken or not.

This is a classic case of the big guy picking on the perceived little guy and is really quite pathetic.

KReid

It doesn't seem like too serious a form of bullying but to someone as an adult having to deal with that **** is terrible, anything can be construed as bullying especially if its from someone who knows the root to the problem. He should have named and shamed the people, a prominent DJ in Dublin isn't a lot to go on unfortunatly, maybe he will talk about it on monday on air? I know Niall said its a small industry and lets of networking happens at these events but the perpetrators will know who they are if they see this so he's not sparing them personally.

Big Nasty

KReid wrote: »

the root to the problem

:pac:

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

Bullying or drunken eejits doing/saying things they normally wouldn't, either way it's unacceptable, can see why it would ruin your night. You're just going to get asshats in every industry, you met the asshats in the radio industry last night.

Max Headroom

I met a few mates this morning, they started slagging my baldness and in fact one of them slapped the top of my head a couple of times...i ran away and hid in the toilets crying for an hour.....





















NOT..................:rolleyes:...grow up FFS...

BabySlam

My sympathy to the OP, the behaviour of some adults is ugly.
Posters who want to blame the victim or in some way make a joke of his concerns are equally ugly, and to them I would say: If you cant say something nice or decent, then say nothing.

PeterTheNinth

BabySlam wrote: »

My sympathy to the OP, the behaviour of some adults is ugly. Posters who want to blame the victim or in some way make a joke of his concerns are equally ugly, and to them I would say: If you cant say something nice or decent, then say nothing.

But that's where there's a problem in your argument. It's not realistic to expect that everybody who crosses your path will treat you with the level of respect you think you deserve. People should treat other people with respect, but everyday they dont.

The question is a) how bad is the disrespect and b) how you deal with it. I would think what they did was on the lower end. It WOULD seriously annoy me (cos I hate that childish sh1te), but I dont think the event justifies that big article. He made a good choice of just heading off, which is what I would have done. He should have rang the people involved the next day if it really bugged him that much, or named them in the article.

TheLonelyOne

He would seem too be on a rant. I would not condone any sort of bullying but do not know what too make of his post today.


Niall Boylan

Hi Guys and Ladies,

I know this is like Niall Boylans honesty weekend.
With two radio shows and family obligations, it’s very rare I get the time these days to post on my personal Facebook but I decided I need to thank a few people for being part of the next phase in the life of Niall Boylan.

Before I go there I think it's important I explain everything that happened on the way to this point and I think it's important I go back a little in time. You may find all this interesting or long and quite boring looking from the outside in but it's relevant for me, in moving on. As you may or may not now I've had quite an eventful life and none more so then the past seven years or so. As well as losing both parents recession destroyed me just like everybody else.

I had my own business from 2006 to 2012 and had three good years and decided on what I thought was good advice to invest the little money I made into a property abroad. That bright idea turned out to be the world’s worst idea as two years later the property market crashed and the property became worthless and any money I worked hard for was now gone. Three years of hard work and all thrown away but it was a gamble on good advice that went bad and that's the luck of the draw and I don’t regret it as I believe it’s all part of the tests life throws at us. As the recession of 2008/9 kicked in business dropped very badly and I decided to go back to radio full time as I have a passion for the Job and more importantly had to pay the bills but in that time I kept the business open as I felt an obligation to the three staff that worked there, knowing they had families aswell. In that two years I took the grand total of €20 from the till one day and replaced it with an IOU note but I was happy in the knowledge that it was keeping three people in a job. I was advised by my accountant to close it down and think of myself but sadly I didn't listen and in the end it left me deeply in debt. After handing the business over to a friend it took me three years to pay that debt and it's only in the last year I'm back on my feet in some sense financially.

Every step I have ever taken is not for me or for money but for my family. I have a wife and three children that I adore and all I care about in life is their well being and their future. Contrary the image a Radio presenter conjures up in your head, I'm very much family, I don't drink, would never go to a pub unless it was an occasion and I'm uncomfortable in large crowds of people, which seems strange considering I worked in nightclubs for so many years, although I would never go to one. Once I see my beautiful wife and children with smiles on their faces I’m happy in the knowledge that im doing my best as a father and husband. My wife has put up with so much and that’s why I love her so much. She has been there all the time raised three children that make me so proud in every way. My one regret in life is that I had to work so many days and nights to provide and I have missed out on the time that should have been spent watching my kids grow into the adults they are becoming but hey we live in Ireland and it seems that’s become aq way of life.

For the last three years I have had a plan to build a website that would do everything current classified websites do and more. I spent hours from after midnight ( when I get home from work) until 6 am in the morning for the last two years typing and thinking. Last November I met a really great guy who has now become a great friend and without him I wouldn't have the site I have today, which is almost ready to release to the general public. He has sat up with me literally every night on skype for the last six months and put his life on hold to help me make this a reality and we have completely redesigned and rebuilt the website I started. Along with him and Sarah Grey, another friend with a vast technical knowledge we hope that this will be a website that will compete with the big players in the market and make selling easy and free for you the user. Contrary to popular belief I'm not wealthy and have spent every spare penny and some of my friends penny's on this new venture and I'm confident it was time and money well spent.

I'm sorry if that was all very boring but I feel it's good to let you know the back story before you get a preconceived notion of what or who might behind any new business venture. All I can do now is cross my fingers and toes and hope that the hard work and thousands of hours of late nights pay off.

The site is not 100% ready for the launch yet and we are just ironing out bugs that might be in it and mistakes in general and we need fresh eyes or what they call a focus group in the business. That's why I'm asking a favor of all my friends here on Facebook. I promise I will pay back the favour someday but if you can do me a favour and register on the site and post a free Ad for anything you might want to sell. When you do that please report back and let me know if you had any difficulties or any suggestions that could make it easier for you to post an Ad. We can't promise we can make all of the suggestions possible but it gives me a great insight into the users experience. If you had a good experience, please let us know. Sadly posting an Ad on any site is time consuming and particularly the first Ad as you must register but after that it should be easier, so place as many ads as you like and lets fill the site with small Ads.

When you register you will receive 4 digit code by text and a verification email (this will cost you nothing) and this will verify your phone in case you ever need to pay for an Ad in the future, when we do introduce a small fee for Ads but I can assure you there is no charge for the moment unless you choose a featured Ad.

So tell me how it looks on your pc, Mac, laptop, tablet, mobile device etc and how easy you found the experience of advertising or browsing. Also there will be an App for both iPhone and Android very soon but trust me the mobile version of the site is easy on the eyes and an App will never have the same functionality as the mobile version in a browser which is fully phone and tablet compatible.

Please post a regester and post a free ad for anything in your home (That you want to sell of course)

Fingers crossed and wish me luck.

soc160

Max Headroom wrote: »

I met a few mates this morning, they started slagging my baldness and in fact one of them slapped the top of my head a couple of times...i ran away and hid in the toilets crying for an hour.....





















NOT..................:rolleyes:...grow up FFS...

Ah If you haven't read the post properly then I suggest you do. Losing your hair from stress of being bullied and then that furthering your bullying suggest a serious problem, one you can't comprehend. To say something like you did is foolish, to be picked on by people he knows in the industry because they think it's funny is horrendous, especially people who know his problems and why in fact he lost his hair as a result of bullying is frankly not acceptable behaviour from an adult.

KReid

Max Headroom wrote: »

I met a few mates this morning, they started slagging my baldness and in fact one of them slapped the top of my head a couple of times...i ran away and hid in the toilets crying for an hour.....





















NOT..................:rolleyes:...grow up FFS...

dave98

That's terrible, just shows the effects of childhood bulling can last well into adult life. I'm sure drink was a factor for the men that tugged on his hair and made that stupid comment, because in normal circumstances, grown men shouldn't and I hope wouldn't act like that. Whether or not drink was a factor, it doesn't excuse what they did.

Whatever opinion people have about this message from Niall, I think it's good that he spoke out. I am sure similar stories happen to other people every day and it might make people think twice about their actions - particularly when having a few drinks with groups of people.

As for the new venture on the classifieds website, I read elsewhere that people think all this is a publicity stunt. I really don't think it is. All he would have to do is promote it on air or on his shows social media sites.

I wish him all the best.

byhookorbycrook

I think the man needs to re-read the definition of bullying, it's a term thrown around quite a lot today.

dave98

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

I think the man needs to re-read the definition of bullying, it's a term thrown around quite a lot today.

So going up to someone who is minding their own business, tugging at their hair to see if it comes out, then saying it didn't come off lads isn't a form of bullying?

If someone did that to my brother in school, I would see it as bullying

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

I'm confused. Is the op Niall Boylan?

Water John

Yes, or claims to be.

JustTheOne

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

I think the man needs to re-read the definition of bullying, it's a term thrown around quite a lot today.

Would you do it to your boss or even better would you do it to your son?

dave98

I don't think so. I think op just copied the post from 4fm FB page

Max Headroom

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

I think the man needs to re-read the definition of bullying, it's a term thrown around quite a lot today.

+1..its the PC , HR, H&S sh1te world we live in now....there was and always will be "bullies" ...if theyre not robbing your lunch theyre pulling your hair....:rolleyes:

dinorebel

Same old story go out have a few too many beers and things get hairy.

gimmick

dinorebel wrote: »

Same old story go out have a few too many beers and things get hairy.

Pardon the pun?

pilly

This is absolutely disgusting carry on and anyone who thinks it's acceptable because drink was involved are obviously real bullies themselves.

gctest50

TheLonelyOne wrote: »

He would seem too be on a rant. I would not condone any sort of bullying but do not know what too make of his post today.


Niall Boylan

Hi Guys and Ladies,

I know this is like Niall Boylans honesty weekend.



For the last three years I have had a plan to build a website that would do everything current classified websites do and more. I spent hours from after midnight ( when I get home from work) until 6 am in the morning for the last two years typing and thinking. ...................

So,just drawing attention for his new classified adverts website

padd b1975

gctest50 wrote: »

So,just drawing attention for his new classified adverts website

It certainly looks that way.

Another version of the planted stories in the tabloids which usually start "Celebrity X has revealed......".

end of the road

Max Headroom wrote: »

+1..its the PC , HR, H&S sh1te world we live in now....there was and always will be "bullies" ...if theyre not robbing your lunch theyre pulling your hair....

yeah, being against bad behaviour is indeed "pc gone mad rabel rabel"
always the old terms with those trying to excuse bad behaviour. "pc rabel rabel" "ja pc brigade rabel rabel"
just because idiots being idiots don't have any effect on some of us does not mean others shouldn't or can't be effected. we are all different.
what's the issue with health and safety. yes sometimes it can go over board but for the most part it protects us from unnecessary risk.

Max Headroom

end of the road wrote: »

yeah, being against bad behaviour is indeed "pc gone mad rabel rabel"
always the old terms with those trying to excuse bad behaviour. "pc rabel rabel" "ja pc brigade rabel rabel"
just because idiots being idiots don't have any effect on some of us does not mean others shouldn't or can't be effected. we are all different.
what's the issue with health and safety. yes sometimes it can go over board but for the most part it protects us from unnecessary risk.

OH OH...look out ,the fun-police are around....jesus, dont ever go into a "locker-room"....:rolleyes: