Civil Ceremony - help me plan a quick, inexpensive ceremony!

Elliott S

Hi all,

My fiancé and I are looking to give married - quick. I'm seriously ill and I am unsure of how much time I have. I am totally daunted by the idea that I may not be able to plan a wedding quickly. I've heard mention of waiting lists and I'm afraid I'll to wait like a year or so to get a slot. I naively thought the three month notice period would be enough to time to get an appointment but am I completely wrong here?

Please give me all the details all you lovely people have about planning an civil ceremony, how quickly it can be done, can I ask strangers to be witnesses (anyone in the Dublin city or Galway city areas want to volunteer to our witnesses? We're considering either city currently, and possibly Cork too, maybe Clare either. Anyone who would be a witness to us, PM me! ) and can it in reality be done for €200? I'm not working due to the illness and I am completely broke. I just want to be married. That's all, none of the faff that goes with it is important to me, I just want to elope and be married to my guy! I don't want to start involving friends and family because, much as I love them, that just complicates things.

Help me get married, boards.ie!

Thank you!

Peregrinus

I'm very sorry to hear of your circumstances.

In a case like yours, a wedding can be organised very quickly. Even the three-month notice period can be shortened, if your circumstances require it (though the tone of your OP suggest that at this point you don't foresee that). Contact the registrar's office and explain your circumstances; you'll find they will be very co-operative. The simplest thing will be a ceremony in the registrar's office; if you're not fussy about what day of the week or what time of the day they'll find a slot for you - if necessary, make a slot for you - within whatever timeframe your condition requires. You can certainly ask strangers to be witnesses.

gumgum1

Hi
I seen this on another thread and hope it might be some good to you ... sorry about your news I hope you get to get your day

ttp://www.citizensinf...ts_for_marriage.html

Quote:

Court Exemption Order
In certain special circumstances, for example, in the case of very serious illness, you may be able to get a Court Exemption Order allowing the marriage to proceed without the 3 months notification. You should contact either the Circuit Family Court or the High Court in the area in which either of you lives for details on how to proceed.

This is an informal procedure. You may apply in person (without hiring a solicitor). There is no court charge for an application for a Court Exemption Order. However, if you hire a solicitor to represent you, you will have to pay him/her. The court will require you to show:

that there are good reasons for your application
that the granting of such an Exemption Order is in the best interests of the parties to the intended marriage.
If you are granted a Court Exemption Order, you still have to make arrangements to meet the Registrar at least 5 days before you get married in order to make the declaration. This is required before a Marriage Registration Form can be issued.

Rebshe88

If you need it I will gladly volunteer to witness in cork and I'll bring someone with me too. Hopefully you try the other suggestions and manage to get it done quicker

eviltwin

Rebshe88 wrote: »

If you need it I will gladly volunteer to witness in cork and I'll bring someone with me too. Hopefully you try the other suggestions and manage to get it done quicker

Ditto for Dublin

jlm29

I'm pretty sure you can go to a judge and get that three month thing waived easily enough!

Elliott S

Peregrinus wrote: »

I'm very sorry to hear of your circumstances.

In a case like yours, a wedding can be organised very quickly. Even the three-month notice period can be shortened, if your circumstances require it (though the tone of your OP suggest that at this point you don't foresee that). Contact the registrar's office and explain your circumstances; you'll find they will be very co-operative. The simplest thing will be a ceremony in the registrar's office; if you're not fussy about what day of the week or what time of the day they'll find a slot for you - if necessary, make a slot for you - within whatever timeframe your condition requires. You can certainly ask strangers to be witnesses.

I'll definitely contact them. The awkward thing is though that I think that you need to be deemed to have only six months to live to expedite things and happily, I think I have longer than that. But I'll certainly enquire.

Elliott S

Rebshe88 wrote: »

If you need it I will gladly volunteer to witness in cork and I'll bring someone with me too. Hopefully you try the other suggestions and manage to get it done quicker

eviltwin wrote: »

Ditto for Dublin

Thank you! When I have things more firmed up I may be calling on either you, depending on where we decide.

Elliott S

gumgum1 wrote: »

Hi
I seen this on another thread and hope it might be some good to you ... sorry about your news I hope you get to get your day

ttp://www.citizensinf...ts_for_marriage.html

Quote:

Court Exemption Order
In certain special circumstances, for example, in the case of very serious illness, you may be able to get a Court Exemption Order allowing the marriage to proceed without the 3 months notification. You should contact either the Circuit Family Court or the High Court in the area in which either of you lives for details on how to proceed.

This is an informal procedure. You may apply in person (without hiring a solicitor). There is no court charge for an application for a Court Exemption Order. However, if you hire a solicitor to represent you, you will have to pay him/her. The court will require you to show:

that there are good reasons for your application
that the granting of such an Exemption Order is in the best interests of the parties to the intended marriage.
If you are granted a Court Exemption Order, you still have to make arrangements to meet the Registrar at least 5 days before you get married in order to make the declaration. This is required before a Marriage Registration Form can be issued.

jlm29 wrote: »

I'm pretty sure you can go to a judge and get that three month thing waived easily enough!

Thank you! I've heard that you need to be within six months of dying but surely just having a terminal illness in general should suffice?

I'll keep y'all posted!

jlm29

Elliott S wrote: »

Thank you! I've heard that you need to be within six months of dying but surely just having a terminal illness in general should suffice?

I'll keep y'all posted!

I've heard of a few people who forgot to register, or do whatever you have to do three months in advance, and they got sorted by going in front of a judge, so I'd imagine any reasonable judge would be able to sign on the dotted line for you! Good luck!

snickerpuss

Elliott S wrote: »

Thank you! I've heard that you need to be within six months of dying but surely just having a terminal illness in general should suffice?

I'll keep y'all posted!

Friend of mine was given 2 years to live and decided to immediately get married and was granted a court order no problem. There was no big questioning or anything like that. I wish you and your partner all the best. Also just to say in the end my friend had 6 years with his wife.

Elliott S

jlm29 wrote: »

I've heard of a few people who forgot to register, or do whatever you have to do three months in advance, and they got sorted by going in front of a judge, so I'd imagine any reasonable judge would be able to sign on the dotted line for you! Good luck!

snickerpuss wrote: »

Friend of mine was given 2 years to live and decided to immediately get married and was granted a court order no problem. There was no big questioning or anything like that. I wish you and your partner all the best. Also just to say in the end my friend had 6 years with his wife.

This is so great to hear.

That is great about your friend. My response to treatment has so far exceeded expectations, as last year I was considered almost too weak to receive any treatment at all. But the illness is unpredictable and people can deteriorate quite rapidly out of nowhere. Hence my haste. When you have a terminal illness, time is of the essence!

recipesforme

Hi Elliott S. I'm so, so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding.
I completely get why you wouldn't want the added complication of family and friends.

But..... if you were to change your mind at any stage and decide to book a room in a pub or whatever, I'll happily lend you all my wedding decorations (I have heaps) and I'm no Mary Berry but I could bake a cake for the event. Something to cut anyway!

All the best with your planning and the weding

Wanderer78

Best of luck op

screamer

Elliott I'm so sorry to hear about your illness and I'd like to help with some flowers for the 2 of you for your big day free of charge. If you're interested just PM me.

Elliott S

I am totally blown away by people's generosity! :eek: You are all so kind. Thank you, recipesforme and screamer. I may well take you both up on those offers, but I don't want anyone going to any great expense either!

I'm ringing the registrar's office first thing on Monday morning to explain my situation. That will get the ball rolling. Once I get started, I think things will start falling into place. I'll probably need a letter from my onc to explain what is going on but that will be no problem.

Water John

Best Wishes.

Colmogorman

Hi Elliott

I'd love to help in any way I can. Happy to be a witness if you need that still.

Also, I'd love to see how we might make your wedding day as special as possible. Everyone deserves that! I will drop you a DM with an email address and if you are open to that, drop me a line and let's see what we can do.

Best,

Colm

Elliott S wrote: »

I am totally blown away by people's generosity! :eek: You are all so kind. Thank you, recipesforme and screamer. I may well take you both up on those offers, but I don't want anyone going to any great expense either!

I'm ringing the registrar's office first thing on Monday morning to explain my situation. That will get the ball rolling. Once I get started, I think things will start falling into place. I'll probably need a letter from my onc to explain what is going on but that will be no problem.

jellybear

I'm Dublin based and would be more than happy to help. Just let me know if there's anything I can do

mcgiggles

Sligo based and would be more than happy to help in any way/ be a witness should you venture to this corner of the country

Jrop

Hi,
Elliot S. I'm in Dublin and would love to help. PM me

Elliott S

Thank you all!

Haven't rang the registrars office yet as other stuff has come up for me this week (the unpredictable life of a cancer patient, eh?), will be doing that later this week when things have calmed down a bit.

My fiancé and I are considering including our immediate families in the ceremony but we are not decided on that. Basically if we decide to include them, we will just inform them once everything is planned because input from family just complicates things and I have a desperate need to keep things simple these days. For example, my sister was leaning on me a while ago to be a bridesmaid and she wasn't listening to me when I said I didn't want any and that we don't care about having a bridal party. So it will be: plan everything and tell them all, like, a two days before the ceremony so that they won't have any input in planning but that we get to have them all there, which would be lovely.

fannymagee

Elliott S I'm a Registered Solemniser. If you have any trouble with dates etc please let me know- I'm happy to Solemnise your marriage for you, free of charge. I'm Dublin based, so would just need a venue, and to cover my expenses if outside Dublin. It might be more straightforward to go with HSE, but just let me know :-) xxx

irishgirl19

Wishing you and your fiancé the best x

Elliott S

We have a wedding date! November 17th. We decided that seeing as I feel so good at the moment, we should take advantage of that.

I was just talking to a lovely lady in the registrar's office and she gave me a slot over the phone. She didn't foresee any problems with us getting the exemption so I've emailed the courts to make an appointment to get it sorted. Another bonus of the exemption is the €200 fee is waived. As someone who is totally broke, that was music to my ears.

Eeeeee, now that the ball is rolling, I am so excited!

mcgiggles

That is great news I'm so excited for you

jellybear

That's so exciting! If it's Dublin based let me know if there's anything I can do

Elliott S

Darn, the email address I was given to get the exemption is wrong. I was given dubmarriageexemption@court.ie. Anyone know what the correct one is? Thanks!

mcgiggles

I can't find an email, but I got a number from another boards thread for the Family Law Court in Smithfield 01 8886810, the thread was a few years old but worth a try?

Elliott S

Got it! They told me court.ie but I deduced that it must be courts.ie. I was all flustered!

Crunchienut

Elliott S wrote: »

Darn, the email address I was given to get the exemption is wrong. I was given dubmarriageexemption@court.ie. Anyone know what the correct one is? Thanks!

Try @courts.ie

All the courts emails are @courts.ie (rather than @court.ie)

Hope that works

Elliott S

Crunchienut wrote: »

Try @courts.ie

All the courts emails are @courts.ie (rather than @court.ie)

Hope that works

Thanks, it did! This is all very exciting. Everyone I've talked to today on the phone has been so helpful. They really want to do their best for you in sorting it as soon as possible!

Elliott S

All the people who have offered to be witnesses, I'll let you know what we've decided re: family attending ASAP. Indeed, the date might not suit some of ye anyway!

sullivlo

Elliott S wrote: »

All the people who have offered to be witnesses, I'll let you know what we've decided re: family attending ASAP. Indeed, the date might not suit some of ye anyway!

I work 5 minutes from the registry office so can schedule time if needed. I quite like a coffee shop right beside it so you'd probably be doing me a favour

Elliott S

sullivlo wrote: »

I work 5 minutes from the registry office so can schedule time if needed. I quite like a coffee shop right beside it so you'd probably be doing me a favour

Ha, love it! Any excuse for caffeine. I understand, believe me. :pac:

cactusgal

So happy to hear about your plans, OP. I hope you have a wonderful day and that you enjoy the exciting run-up to the wedding!
X o

Jrop

Congratulations! I will be away on holidays. I wish you and fiance(e) a wonderful day

Elliott S

Date for court exemption set for next Friday with a meeting with the registrar straight afterwards and then we will be good to go. \o/

It's the registry office on Lower Grand Canal Street. Has anyone ever been to it? Or indeed got married in it yourself?

We get up to three quarters of an hour in total in the room. I'm looking forward to planning it. We're deciding tonight whether or not to invite family as we are seeing my future in-laws tomorrow.

It must seem like we don't get on with our families but we very much do. It's just, this is going to be a bittersweet occasion and I'm not sure if I'll get very emotional, and if I do, I don't know if I want people to witness that!

Danielle D

Elliott S wrote:

It's the registry office on Lower Grand Canal Street. Has anyone ever been to it? Or indeed got married in it yourself?

I was at a wedding there about 2 years ago and it was lovely, went to The Schoolhouse restaurant around the corner afterwards, about 14 of us in total. It was a lovely day, very relaxed and enjoyable. Wishing you all the best

eviltwin

I got married there, it's a nice room, looks a bit like a boardroom so if you can jazz it up with a few flowers it will look more wedding like iykwim but we didn't have any and it was grand, photos look lovely regardless. Very excited for you, I hope you both have an amazing day xxx

Elliott S

I was chatting to a nurse in hospital yesterday, telling her how efficient they were and she said it's because they are used to it, it happens all the time in the hospital, she said. Someone is on the way out and they need to get married for all kinds of reasons, especially if there are children involved. Or to secure a widow's/widower's pension for their OH. So they need to be fast and because of that, the process runs very smoothly.

Jrop

Eviltwin it's a small world. We got married and had our afters in The Schoolhouse Hotel

Elliott S

We're going to Roly's Bistro after!

My hubby-to-be's boss just informed him that as a gift, he is paying for us to stay in a swank D4 hotel the night of our wedding! :eek: Can't believe it!

We live in D15 so this will be sooooo handy. We might book the night after too ourselves.

GingerLily

It sounds like a lovely day, Rolys is fantastic food! If you want a quiet place to go after I think The Bridge have two small rooms that you can reserve, it's right beside rolys so might be convenient?

Good luck!!!

Elliott S

Actually just discovered getting married might throw me into poverty. Once married, a lot of benefits drop and I was already on a knife edge. Shít shít shít! Might have to wait until I am actually much closer to dying to get married. I don't do benefits fraud!

Elliott S

Crisis averted. I will very legally not be broke! Gawd bless my mother and her encyclopedic knowledge of the welfare system due to my uncle being long-term very seriously ill. Don't anyone here acquire a terminal illness, it's a motherfúcker! And I don't have to cancel my lovely wedding. We were so disappointed.

Elliott S

GingerLily wrote: »

It sounds like a lovely day, Rolys is fantastic food! If you want a quiet place to go after I think The Bridge have two small rooms that you can reserve, it's right beside rolys so might be convenient?

Good luck!!!

Yeah, Roly's is lovely. And quite traditional too which is good when you have a mix of people to cater for. We wanted good food that wasn't high falutin'! My parents are very kindly paying for the meal so that takes a huge burden off us. They said they might as well do that as the gift instead of giving us something after as they know money is very tight.

gumgum1

Elliott S wrote: »

Date for court exemption set for next Friday with a meeting with the registrar straight afterwards and then we will be good to go. \o/

It's the registry office on Lower Grand Canal Street. Has anyone ever been to it? Or indeed got married in it yourself?

We get up to three quarters of an hour in total in the room. I'm looking forward to planning it. We're deciding tonight whether or not to invite family as we are seeing my future in-laws tomorrow.

It must seem like we don't get on with our families but we very much do. It's just, this is going to be a bittersweet occasion and I'm not sure if I'll get very emotional, and if I do, I don't know if I want people to witness that!

Hope it all goes well today and you get it all finalised ..

mcgiggles

No way? that's crap news! I'm so sorry this f*ckin country sometimes...

Elliott S

mcgiggles wrote: »

No way? that's crap news! I'm so sorry this f*ckin country sometimes...

Don't worry, it's happening!

I do think that terminally ill people need better supports in this country. I doubt many would begrudge them it. I've met some people through support groups who are really struggling. One lady I know was 39 when she was diagnosed. The eldest of her four children was eight. Not only did she have to give up work but her husband did too, as she couldn't manage the kids by herself anymore. So they went from a comfortable two income household to really struggling, as if dealing with a terminal illness isn't hard enough!

irishgirl19

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