29, single and how to come to terms with it

LegacyUser

Hi all, often read posts on here with situations similar to mine so said I would post my issue in the hopes of some perspective or advice.
So I'm a girl of 29, single and its really beginning to get to me. I've never had a long term relationship (well past 8 months anyway) but have been seeing a good few guys for a month or two and then fizzled out. I have a good job, an independent and consider myself friendly and chatty. I'm interested in most sport and have my hobbies which I love. I take care of myself and have an athletic body and looks wise I can look well when done up although I am always told I look younger than my age.
So just a brief background to me. Up until maybe three years ago I didn't have a good attitude towards myself and this impacted on the kinds of guys I was seeing. I had a difficult childhood, was bullied and for whatever reason I had absolutely no confidence in myself. I always think back to being in 1st year and my friend told this boy I liked him and he said he wouldn't meet me if I was the last girl on earth. I know I was only 13 but that stayed with me a long time and I always felt that if any guy was with me it was great, never mind how he would treat me or leave me feeling with less confidence than before. Three years ago something clicked inside me and I felt I needed help so I went for counselling and it helped immensely. It changed the way I looked at my past and I felt I have become a much stronger person as a result.
The counselling coincided with me having an on off dating type scenario with a guy over the course of a year. He ended things with me twice only to begin texting again each time until I was seeing him again and he ended things for a third time. The counsellor really made me look at this for what it was and I vowed not to allow myself stay in situations where I am treated badly.
So since then I had an 8 month relationship with a guy I met on tinder but things naturally fizzled out and we both realised we weren't right for each other. I haven't been on a date in over a year now. All of my friends bar one are in relationships so nights out are few and far between. I had been pretty ok with my current situation up until the last month or two. Friends are getting engaged, and married and I am genuinely delighted for them but with each announcement A bigger part of me is wondering if it will ever be my chance. I have always wanted marriage and a family for as long as I can remember and it isn't nice to admit it but it scares me to think I may never have those. A big part of me doesn't see it happening for me because maybe I am doing something majorly wrong. I feel I have a more positive attitude towards dating now and I know I have a lot of good things to bring to the right relationship. I'm tired of going hiking on my own and cooking for just me. It would be so nice to have someone to share things with. I feel I have turned a corner in my life over the last three years and I have become more certain about what I will and won't accept or things that are really important for me in a partner or likewise things that aren't so. I guess the prospects of a few weddings which I will be attending on my own on the horizon make me more aware of my situation. I guess I just would like to hear from anyone who has advise, words of wisdom or to share experiences! I never thought I would have to come to terms with maybe being on my own or never having kids but I feel now that I maybe need to start so any advice or thoughts on that would be welcome.

magneticimpulse

You should join meetup or girlcrew on facebook and make new friends.

I'm 35 and soon to be 36 and long term single. I had to realise my friends had gone their seperate ways when they got married and had kids. I had to go out and make new friends.

It's not guaranteed that you will meet someone so it's best to keep as busy as possible via meetup groups

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. I guess I just have this major fear of ending up alone but at the same time am not willing to just go out with the next guy who comes along in order to avoid that. I genuinely try and keep as busy as I can and have recently joined a running group and am really enjoying it.
I would really love a relationship with the right person but I just feel these things have never come easy to me. You hear of people having the random meetings or meeting through friends. That has never happened to me, well it has but nothing major came of it. I consider myself a very normal girl, I like sports, music and socialising. I would consider myself intelligent and able to hold a conversation yet the one thing I've always wanted seems so far away and the longer I am single, my emotions are split between having to try get used to it and feeling upset and down that it's not happening. Just feel that I have a good life but always feel something is missing because I haven't met someone yet and I'm watching friends settle down one by one wondering what's wrong with me. I know that sounds self defeatist but it's genuinely how I feel.

Gannicus

Hi Tegaroo.

I'm in a similar boat as yourself. 30 single a couple years. Have dated but nothing significant has developed and a lot of my closest friends are settled/settling down. Try not to let it get to you too much or it will resonate outward when you are on date or talking to someone new. Do you live in a city/big town or in a quite rural location? Are you involved in any clubs or societies through work that you might meet someone with similar interests?

Leave what happened when you were younger and don't dwell on it now. you say you were bullied as a kid which does have a horrendous impact on a child - adults confidence. Let what happened when you were 13 stay there. Kids are very cruel and sometimes just say things to sound better and cooler than they really are, or not what they honestly think.

LegacyUser

I only work with 4 other people, all of whom are mid 30s or more. I got a permanent job straight out of college and an there ever since. It's a lovely place to work and I'm happy there although it's not very good as a social outlet. I live in a large town during the week and would go home 2 weekends out of 4 or 5 to see my family which is in a rural area. I have friends dotted in different places, 2 other good friends are single too but we live far apart and only meet up every few months.
I just can't see myself meeting someone. Tried tinder and I think I made the mistake of not realising that most people on it are seeing multiple people at the same time. I guess I took it a bit serious because the vibes I was getting from the guy I was seeing was that he was interested in something but then the contact more or less stopped.
Don't think I'd try online dating as I don't feel it's for me. At the same time I would love to go on a few dates and see what happens. It's been well over a year at this stage and the longer it goes on the less optimistic I am about it.

SarahMollie

tegaroo wrote: »

I only work with 4 other people, all of whom are mid 30s or more. I got a permanent job straight out of college and an there ever since. It's a lovely place to work and I'm happy there although it's not very good as a social outlet. I live in a large town during the week and would go home 2 weekends out of 4 or 5 to see my family which is in a rural area. I have friends dotted in different places, 2 other good friends are single too but we live far apart and only meet up every few months.
I just can't see myself meeting someone. Tried tinder and I think I made the mistake of not realising that most people on it are seeing multiple people at the same time. I guess I took it a bit serious because the vibes I was getting from the guy I was seeing was that he was interested in something but then the contact more or less stopped.
Don't think I'd try online dating as I don't feel it's for me. At the same time I would love to go on a few dates and see what happens. It's been well over a year at this stage and the longer it goes on the less optimistic I am about it.

That all sounds very "safe" OP. Would you ever think of challenging yourself by maybe looking for a new job wiht a more dynamic atmosphere? That might necessitate moving to Dublin, Cork, wherever, but it could be the making of you.

One thing that I'm a big believer in is that we are all masters of our own destiny. Now obviously you can't just say "I want a proper boyfriend" and one will appear, but you can control your own lifestyle and the number of opportunities you give yourself. You need to put yourself out there and change your surroundings. If you do what you've always done, you'll likely get what you've always gotten.

suicide_circus

^^^^ I'd agree with sarah. While you're secure in your current situation, it dosnt look like you'll meet someone unless you shake things up. No point sitting on your hands and wishing your life away. You say your decent to look at, well that's less important than you might think. Plenty of people who are no oil paintings have partners. Whats more important is putting yourself out there are making it happen rathe than waiting for prince charming. Why is online dating not for you? You may have to reassess that one.

LegacyUser

I forgot to mention about my job that there are no permanent jobs in my area at the moment, just short term or temporary contracts which I am not willing to leave my job for as once the contract finishes you could be left with no work for a while. I had considered leaving my job and applied for jobs two years ago in Dublin and Cork that were permanent and heard nothing back. I check the websites for jobs but for the last few years its only ever been short term contracts which I don't know if I am willing to risk.
I guess I just heard opinions from my single friends and friends of friends about online dating and it kind of turned me off. None of them had good experiences, often being ghosted after a few dates or going on a date and hearing nothing back. I think I would prefer to be single than have to deal with that as from talking to friends who had these experiences they were left feeling very disillusioned.
I guess I just need to learn to be more comfortable with my current situation and try get out more with my friends that are single. My running group keeps me busy and I see my family at weekends. Its just hard to not let my current situation get me down. I keep wondering if there is something wrong with me or am I missing something that is preventing me from ever having a significant relationship and have to try shake myself out of these thoughts regularly.

zoobizoo

Clubs are a great way to meet people in informal settings.

Active ones are ideal. Kayaking, Surfing, Canoeing, Walking, Mountain Biking.... you meet loads of people, you go on weekends away, you broaden your social circle and can make many friends - some very good, some casual.

I know about 6 / 7 couples who met in the one club I'm a member of - myself included.

I'd reduce weekends home to once a month and concentrate on yourself for a while.

Also, I'd go online dating - it's a great way to meet lots of people - and good to figure out what you want and don't want as well as good for dating experience.

silverharp

You cant be passive OP and expect it to happen, Im guessing you are looking for a man in his early to mid 30's with a "good job" which depending on how good your job is makes the pool smaller again who also wants marriage and kids. Your dating pool is going to be much smaller than 4 or 5 years ago because they have already found partners themselves, so while you only need to meet "one" they are going to be tougher to find. While you shouldn't compromise on character don't rule out someone who might be older than you might have previously considered perhaps?

I keep wondering if there is something wrong with me or am I missing something that is preventing me from ever having a significant relationship and have to try shake myself out of these thoughts regularly.

No! in hindsight you could possibly second guess your choices and mindset through your twenties but it wont change anything if you have already moved on, be positive and purposeful! if it doesn't work out in the future then from this point on you gave it your best shot.

SarahMollie

Fair enough on the job situation OP - that said, I'd keep my eyes and ears open for new opportunities. Is your work so specific that you have to stay doing exactly what you're doing now? Is there an option to change direction slightly? Don't be confined by only the obvious options.

I have to say your response sounded a little passive. You have to make changes to get different results. "The harder you work, the luckier you get" applies here. Work in this case is putting yourself out there. Don't let others preconceptions about online dating (or anything else for that matter) hold you back.

Its extremely rare that someone finds the love of their life on their first online date. Or second or third for that matter. But it does work. I know loads of couples who've met that way, so just persevere.

beks101

Agree with SarahMollie entirely.

I think you've reached a comfort zone in your life OP that is too snug and too cosy for you to step away from, given your turbulent past. But you're sitting there to the detriment of any change or self-growth. And while it can feel safe to be comfortable and live without risk or drama - it's not really what life is about.

Life is messy and unpredictable and exciting and disappointing and challenging. And dating is a mirror image of it. Some people seem to fall into relationships effortlessly, but what you don't usually see is the risk they took or the decision they made or the scary situation they put themselves in to get into that position, be it years or days earlier. Starting a new hobby or joining a sports club on their own or asking a colleague out or going to the work Christmas party when they're not really close to anyone or baring their soul to a close friend in the hope that he/she feels the same. Going somewhere when they really didn't feel like going anywhere.

I spent a fair bit of time single in my 20s, had the dry spells just like you, and they always came at a time when I was complacent, passive and just letting life happen to me rather than proactively chasing things. Didn't see a way out because I wasn't looking for one. "Oh I'll be single forever...not a relationship person...it just never works out" etc. That inner dialogue informs your behaviour, your demeanour, your actions and your life path. And of course, who you attract. And negativity begets negativity - everything seems like hard work. Online dating is a waste of time, job hunting is pointless, you have no time for new hobbies, all your friends are in relationships, WHAT'S THE POINT...

Well the point is you're 29, a catch for any man and would like to find a partner. That's the point. Your happiness is the point. And it's not easily won and it will require a bit of discomfort and shake-up and frustration and pain and you sort of just need to accept that.

Set up a few online dating profiles, send a few messages to any guy who takes your fancy and go on a few dates. I did that for years and had a book's worth of dinner party anecdotes along with the adrenaline and disappointments and devastations that comes with being active on the dating scene, and in the end it just made me more emotionally robust and more aware of what's important to me in a man. What I won't settle for and what won't work in a relationship. Take it with a pinch of salt and use it as an add-on to your offline social life. It won't kill you!

Sign up for a half marathon or an adventure race and find a training group online. Or get onto meetup.com and set one up yourself. Take up a night class - maybe something that will allow you to upskill as well as meet new people. Coding, web development, a new language perhaps. Ask your married/non-single friends to introduce you to their partner's friends, let them know you're single and would love to meet someone.

Try to learn to frame it positively within your life rather than some sort of disease that needs to be cured. Because it is a positive thing! More time to yourself to develop your hobbies, to travel, to meet different men and come to realise what's important to you in a partner. If I could tell my 20-something self anything, it would be that. These are your years, use them wisely, you won't get them back! Life can get busy and messy and laden with responsibility very quickly. Be someone you can be proud of.

messy tessy

Beks that is brilliant advice! Will definitely be taking this on board myself...maybe not the bit about the half marathon tho!

fg1406

To the OP that was me in my 20s. I had a series of fleeting relationships whereby I was I was treated badly and used. Like you it took counselling for me to see that I am worth more than that and not to just "settle" for the sake of it just because I was almost 30. This was particularly difficult as I was seeing friends and my 2 younger sisters getting engaged and married while I was getting pitying looks from older relatives.

I then vowed to take a year off men. A year off flings. A year off looking. A year off trying to impress men. One fell into my lap that year. We met a few weeks before my 30th birthday. We're together almost 6 years now and engaged. It happened when I least expected it. I'm still glad I took the time out to focus on me. To join a club because I wanted to do the activity,not just because there was a possibility of a single man being there.

LegacyUser

Fg1406 I guess the idea of finding someone when you're not looking rang true for you. I kind of have taken a complete break from men as after my last experience I was so drained by it all I said I was on a break from trying or looking or thinking about guys. This has probably lasted for 10 months and I was happy enough and enjoyed my nights out for nights out, and I have gone to three weddings in that time on my own which I enjoyed. I have taken time out for myself in the last year and joining the running club was entirely for me, to have a group to run with and maybe attend some races together, I'll be 100% honest and say it was never my intention to try meet a guy when I joined. As luck would have it the men in the club are all in their 40s and up but everybody is really nice and we get along well. There are some girls my age and we meet outside the club to go running. I think it's a bit odd to join clubs in order to meet someone, if I am going to commit to a club or group it's going to be because I want to do it for me, not for the chances of meeting a man.
I guess I posted here because in the last month or two, I find myself thinking what it would be like to be seeing someone and I believe after my break I am ready. I kind of think I have been dateless for long enough and would like it to change. And if being on my own is what the future holds for me I'd like to become more ok with that and being honest, the thoughts of not meeting someone and living life on my own aren't exactly idyllic. I know if that was to be the case, I'd still be happy. I mean I count myself lucky with my job and my friends and have been lucky enough to do a lot o travelling. Just the option of meeting someone, settling down and having children fills me with a lot more enthusiasm and dealing with the fact this might never happen is proving hard recently.

LegacyUser

Beks your advice is excellent and I think I am quite passive when it comes to this, I really want it but don't want to try online dating which reading back now sounds a bit defeatist.
I will look into it and I get that I have to take matters into my own hands if I really want to meet someone.
Fg1406 I totally get what you're saying about taking time off and to be honest I have done for the last 10 months or so and its only in the last month or two that being on my own has begun to bother me. Like you, I joined a running club because I like running and it never entered my head that I might meet someone there.
I guess the last few months I've been thinking about the possibility of being alone and while I am independent and enjoy doing things myself it's often hard when you go somehwere alone and see a new place and have nobody to share it with. I also can't help thinking if there's something wrong with me, why hasn't it happened for me and what do other girls have that I'm missing. I have met guys but apart from my 8 month relationship they have only been more casual and once there is any signs that things may become serious , maybe 8 times out of 10 the guy has gone. On very rare occasions it was me who ended things.
I see people my own age moving in together, planning a family and my cousins with their kids and I can't help but feel envious and sad that this hasn't happened with me. I've a family wedding coming up and a guy I was seeing who ended things with me twice will be there with his fiancé and I'm dreading it. It reminds me of how stupid I was back 3 years ago and I have to deal with the pitying looks from relations and cousins saying they can't understand how I'm single etc etc. (I know I shouldn't have gone back to him again but this was before I sorted myself out)
Just I guess I've been pondering all this lately and can't help but feel sad and down about it.

Austria!

You're a 29 year old woman that likes to keep fit and can spell words and has a job. You'll have no shortage of interest, you just have to be available. Online dating is a slog to sort through the many wierdos, but you can have your pick. Outside of that, go out, get drunk, talk to strangers. I go to open mic nights, lots of people go to those alone, and lots of them are open to chatting either during or after. And ask friends to set you up. People know people.

Unless you've got something you're not telling us, like no eyes, or facial scarring, you'll be absolutely fine. And while I wouldn't say settle, don't filter out 90% of the men with by only considering 6 foot plus guys making 70k with no previous convictions, these things aren't usually important at the end of the day.

magneticimpulse

Austria! wrote: »

You're a 29 year old woman that likes to keep fit and can spell words and has a job. You'll have no shortage of interest, you just have to be available. Online dating is a slog to sort through the many wierdos, but you can have your pick. Outside of that, go out, get drunk, talk to strangers. I go to open mic nights, lots of people go to those alone, and lots of them are open to chatting either during or after. And ask friends to set you up. People know people.

Unless you've got something you're not telling us, like no eyes, or facial scarring, you'll be absolutely fine. And while I wouldn't say settle, don't filter out 90% of the men with by only considering 6 foot plus guys making 70k with no previous convictions, these things aren't usually important at the end of the day.

I think this is a huge generalisation that people will be fine. It's actually very difficult to find the most important thing which is spark/chemistry/connection and click between two people!!! Especially if you meet someone for a date via online

Austria!

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I think this is a huge generalisation that people will be fine. It's actually very difficult to find the most important thing which is spark/chemistry/connection and click between two people!!! Especially if you meet someone for a date via online

Well most people do find someone, and we know she's still a good catch. I wouldn't say to everyone they'll be fine. I don't think this about some people, who are unattractive or weird.

magneticimpulse

Austria! wrote: »

Well most people do find someone, and we know she's still a good catch. I wouldn't say to everyone they'll be fine. I don't think this about some people, who are unattractive or weird.

Again I think this is a generalisation and who is in your circle. Some groups of people are single some are in couples. There is not a one size fits all in the world. Once someone is happy it doesn't matter if they are single or couple.

I have plenty of extremely nice and attractive non weird friends - they are all single.....simply just have not been "lucky" to meet someone they click with. Even weird ugly people can have more success! Not everything in the world goes to a fix plan. The key is to try and be happy in your situation and not assume that xyz is "meant" to happen. We don't live in a fairy tale world where everyone has a happy ever after and knight in shining armour!

Dr Crayfish

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Again I think this is a generalisation and who is in your circle. Some groups of people are single some are in couples. There is not a one size fits all in the world. Once someone is happy it doesn't matter if they are single or couple.

I have plenty of extremely nice and attractive non weird friends - they are all single.....simply just have not been "lucky" to meet someone they click with. Even weird ugly people can have more success! Not everything in the world goes to a fix plan. The key is to try and be happy in your situation and not assume that xyz is "meant" to happen. We don't live in a fairy tale world where everyone has a happy ever after and knight in shining armour!

Way to motivate the OP

magneticimpulse

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Way to motivate the OP

I've asked for advice on here many times and was given the "not everyone ends up in a relationship" response. And as hard as it was to swallow - I accepted that mentality. I go out on dates each week with a new guy (and sometimes follow up dates) and I go out to enjoy myself. But I don't get bogged down if there is no chemistry or click!!

(Not to mention doing my own thing and going to gigs alone and on holidays, hobbies and interests). Sure it's lonely doing it alone but there is a sense of pride and happiness to be independent.

I think the key is to not give people this fake impression that everyone has a fairy tale Disney ending!!! It's better to be direct; accept that it might not happen but if it does its an extra bonus! But if it doesn't that you live your life to th max.

I had a conversation with a guy I met yesterday in a group and he says - "ah well we have to accept that one day we all bite the bullet and get married; settled down and have babies!!! "

My response is that life is what you try to make of it. Nobody "has" to do xyz....it's what you can achieve/or what goals they want within reason. It's about making the most of now and not waiting to "meet the right guy"....because what if the right guy never comes along? What if you have an accident or get seriously ill? It's about living life to the max and trying to achieve you goals

Dr Crayfish

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I go out on dates each week with a new guy (and sometimes follow up dates) and I go out to enjoy myself. But I don't get bogged down if there is no chemistry or click!!

Yet you seem to hijack every thread about people seeking a partner to tell them how unimportant it is to meet someone while going on 70 dates a year...

magneticimpulse

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Yet you seem to hijack every thread about people seeking a partner to tell them how unimportant it is to meet someone while going on 70 dates a year...

I never said it's not important to meet someone. There is a clear difference!!!!! If that was the case why would i go on dates?????

I said not everyone is lucky to find someone they click with or have chemistry with!!! There is a clear difference. And if that is the case then people are not going to stop living their lives because they are single!!! If anything they should be highly active and meet lots of people and do stuff that keeps them busy and brings fun and enjoyment into their lives.

I have many single friends in their 20s -50s. It's not guaranteed that everyone finds a person. But if they don't they should not be made feel a failure or anyway that they are missing out on life ).

magneticimpulse

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Yet you seem to hijack every thread about people seeking a partner to tell them how unimportant it is to meet someone while going on 70 dates a year...

Coincidence you troll me after sending an email to me asking me out on a date!!! It now explains your negative put downs of me

Austria!

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I have plenty of extremely nice and attractive non weird friends - they are all single.....simply just have not been "lucky" to meet someone they click with.

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I go out on dates each week with a new guy (and sometimes follow up dates) and I go out to enjoy myself. But I don't get bogged down if there is no chemistry or click!!

If you try 52 guys a year and find there's no chemistry or click with any of them then the problem is you expecting something unrealistic from a stranger.
If your friends are not going on a lot of dates then the problem is them being unattractive or undesirable or not being in a position to meet anyone (you manage 52 dates a year so what's stopping them?).

magneticimpulse

Austria! wrote: »

If you try 52 guys a year and find there's no chemistry or click with any of them then the problem is you expecting something unrealistic from a stranger.
If your friends are not going on a lot of dates then the problem is them being unattractive or undesirable or not being in a position to meet anyone (you manage 52 dates a year so what's stopping them?).

Very judgemental of you to assume that somebody single is unattractive/undesirable!!! Some people don't like online dating!!! It's not my business why they are single - but it's certainly not because they are some sort of deformed people just because they are single.

I dont think expecting chemistry or spark is unrealistic. I'd rather date someone I have a connection with then date someone for the sake of it. And 70 plus guys a year from online is not that many. You could meet that many people in a club/work/college....you don't judge them because they have a big circle to pick from. When people are no longer in college they need to get out there and meet people. It's very rare to click with the first person you ever meet in your life. It's also a pick and mix of people from online of all personalities but you never know if you will click unless you meet them.

People go to the pub in ireland numerous times a week and chances are they have a pool of 200 plus X2 (if twice a week) x 52.....you don't go around pointing your moral compass at them for mixing in large circles. Going on one on one dates just eliminates the need to randomly approach someone in a bar - but you still won't know if there is chemistry or not

LegacyUser

29 is not old..what about the singles reading this 39, 49+!! This society is centred around the idea everyone must find someone, the 'right' person, and then settle and breed, but it's simply wrong. And it makes a lot of people very unhappy. Both those staying in wrong relationships because of this pressure and those not in relationships. So ignore this and live your life to its fullest, if you meet someone great if not so what, make sure you maintain a good circle of friends, and never stop growing and developing yourself.

Merkin

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Yet you seem to hijack every thread about people seeking a partner to tell them how unimportant it is to meet someone while going on 70 dates a year...

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I never said it's not important to meet someone. There is a clear difference!!!!! If that was the case why would i go on dates?????

I said not everyone is lucky to find someone they click with or have chemistry with!!! There is a clear difference. And if that is the case then people are not going to stop living their lives because they are single!!! If anything they should be highly active and meet lots of people and do stuff that keeps them busy and brings fun and enjoyment into their lives.

I have many single friends in their 20s -50s. It's not guaranteed that everyone finds a person. But if they don't they should not be made feel a failure or anyway that they are missing out on life ).

Neither of you are to post in this thread again. Take your pettiness elsewhere and stop derailing the thread.

Mr Arrior

First off OP. The 'Not everyone meets someone with chemistry etc' argument is crap. I believe that there are plenty of people out there for everyone. It just depends on who crosses your path at a certain time of your life that will determine who you end up with.

I'm almost 23 and have never had a GF and ATM find it very lonely. I've never had luck with women but I know I'll meet a woman someday.

I really wish you the best of luck cos I know how isolating being single can be.

zoobizoo

I'm 44 and got married this year to a woman aged 38.

My advice is to find clubs that involve travelling... be it water sports, or climbing weekends, or skiing. .. it really allows you to get to know people.

At 29, you've men aged between 30 and 40 (generalisation) to go after.

What is on your list of criteria for a date / potential partner?

batmanrobin

Being single can be tough when you really want to be in a relationship, OP. You can do all the right things, joining clubs, keeping busy etc etc but that doesn't take away from the loneliness. There's no quick fix for that really. You kinda just need to come to a place where you can be okay with it.

Mr Arrior

batmanrobin wrote:

Being single can be tough when you really want to be in a relationship, OP. You can do all the right things, joining clubs, keeping busy etc etc but that doesn't take away from the loneliness. There's no quick fix for that really. You kinda just need to come to a place where you can be okay with it.

Very true. People say join clubs etc but that will not solve how you feel now.

HandsomeDan

Im 35 and fancy a women in work who's 45.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies, definitely food for thought in some of them. I was out at the weekend and a guy came over to chat to me. He seemed normal enough and asked me on a date. There would be over a two hour distance between us and he seemed keen to meet up so I went along with it and suggested somewhere halfway between us. He took my number and texted me and snap chatted me at the end of the night to know was I still on for meeting up and I said I was. So he sent a snapchat Sunday night but I wasn't sure if it was for me so I replied back and we chatted back an forth.
I had a feeling he wasn't interested but I said I'd take matters into my own hands like I felt I needed to do following advice on here, so texted him and after two messages he stopped replying.
I think at this stage I'm just laughing at myself at my lack of luck here. Why would a guy be so keen to get you to go on a date when you first meet and then not even want to talk? I suppose drink had something to do with it. It's like I don't have a problem being chatted up and the last three nights I've been out since September I have been chatted up but the other two guys were way too pushy and not my type. This guy seemed to be more of my type so I give my number and same old story happens again.