My boss is an absolute bully

Pecker31

So to cut a long story short I am in my job with approx 6 months and all was fine at the start. I work for a lovely lady and its only me and her in the office, mainly me as she has kids etc. Her husband owns the sister company and also this one.

To put it mildly he is a dog. He curses to me daily over numerous things and I have never felt so intimidated. When I joined they were a very new company so had no procedures in place or reports etc, I started to do all them and now "they are not good enough" "they don't make sense" "they are pointless" and basically he thinks I am an incompetent s**t. He travels a lot so I email him the reports in excel, he rings then saying he can't open them on his I phone and "you don't f**king understand I am trying to read it on a small screen" .... not my problem

I am actively looking for another job at present and don't want to talk to his wife as I would imagine she gets it 1000 times worse than me.

Someone tell me this isn't normal to be spoken to like this, something then the wife (my boss) got on his power trip and I feel like telling them both where to go, when I ask for time off or my holiday allowance I am looked at like I am being cheeky.

Musketeer4

Say nothing, go out and find a new job. Then leave them two fúckers high and dry and see how they get on without you!
Anyway, working for mom and pop type operations is a joke. I'd never do it.

Pecker31

Musketeer4 wrote: »

Say nothing, go out and find a new job. Then leave them two fúckers high and dry and see how they get on without you!
Anyway, working for mom and pop type operations is a joke. I'd never do it.

Applying daily! There is nothing I can say really without looking like a drama queen. I would love to say I am not the one that can't do the reports you just can't understand them.. could of curses thrown in of course!

Panthro

Keep a record of every instance.
Leave company ASAP.
Report the pup.

Pecker31

Panthro wrote: »

Keep a record of every instance.
Leave company ASAP.
Report the pup.

I would only love to, her sister is my best friend so its a total mess. I feel sorry for my boss (the wife) but its not my problem

Musketeer4

Yes document every instance and when you get a new job go to a solicitor who specialises in employment law and take a case against him for bullying and the stress/depression its causing you. Nail the bastard. No-one should have to live like that.

Pecker31

on another note what would ye say to him if he started cursing at ye? Its more in the sentence, she said to me one day " oh don't mind him he doesn't even know he's doing it" bull

BetsyEllen

Just keep doing what you're doing, keep applying for a new role and something will come up eventually.

Best to just leave with your head held high and biting your tongue as you may need a reference from them one day.

Musketeer4

Pecker31 wrote: »

I would only love to, her sister is my best friend so its a total mess. I feel sorry for my boss (the wife) but its not my problem

What does he do to the wife? How badly does he treat her? What industry is it in? Has the best friend told you of how he is with her sister?

BetsyEllen

Pecker31 wrote: »

on another note what would ye say to him if he started cursing at ye? Its more in the sentence, she said to me one day " oh don't mind him he doesn't even know he's doing it" bull

I would just say - 'there is no need to speak to me like that John, I'm trying my best here and I don't appreciate being cursed at'

Straight to the point but you're not being rude back.

StupidLikeAFox

Yeah, just get out of there ASAP. There is nothing you can say that will change his behaviour at this stage. Best to just chalk it down to experience and get the hell out of there

Panthro wrote: »

Keep a record of every instance.
Leave company ASAP.
Report the pup.

Report him to who?

Pecker31

Musketeer4 wrote: »

What does he do to the wife? How badly does he treat her? What industry is it in? Has the best friend told you of how he is with her sister?

Oh he doesn't do anything bad he's just a caveman and thinks women are below him and I can vibe that she is intimated by him.

BrokenArrows

Forget everyone here telling you to not say anything. You should absolutely say something to him.

The next time he says something out of line then simply tell him that's not an appropriate way to talk to an employee. You so far have not given him a chance to recognise and change his attitude.

If he complains about not being able to view reports on his phone you need to be clear that that writing reports compatible with his particular phone is not part of the job.

You should also report this to your direct boss. It doesn't matter if they are married.

dudara

Pecker31 wrote: »

He travels a lot so I email him the reports in excel, he rings then saying he can't open them on his I phone and "you don't f**king understand I am trying to read it on a small screen" .... not my problem

Very common problem for people who travel and try to read Word, PowerPoint, Excel etc on their phone. I generate a PDF doc and send both options. Takes away the excuse that they couldn't read it.

Pecker31

dudara wrote: »

Very common problem for people who travel and try to read Word, PowerPoint, Excel etc on their phone. I generate a PDF doc and send both options. Takes away the excuse that they couldn't read it.

It's not the work that goes into them that I mind its the attitude that I have the problem with.

scdublin

You 100% should say something if he's talking to you like that. That is not a normal employer/employee relationship and he shouldn't be allowed to think that it is. Like someone else said, keep a record of everything said and when you leave follow up on it. It's unacceptable.

Musketeer4

If you're on good terms with her, sit down with your boss and tell her you are deeply hurt by her husband's behaviour and that he has been intimidating you. Tell her you will have to leave if it continues. She might give out to him about his conduct and hopefully it would improve things.

Pecker31

Musketeer4 wrote: »

If you're on good terms with her, sit down with your boss and tell her you are deeply hurt by her husband's behaviour and that he has been intimidating you. Tell her you will have to leave if it continues. She might give out to him about his conduct and hopefully it would improve things.

Ugh I need to grow a pair but I can't do that. I just want to go.

Mrs OBumble

BrokenArrows wrote: »

...writing reports compatible with his particular phone is not part of the job.

Except that quite likely it IS part of the job.

If you are producing something for someone else, then you need to be aware of how they will read it. If that means on their phone (increasingly common these days, unfortunately), then you need to adapt.

Maybe consider using Google Sheets instead of Excel, because it's got a client for phones.


The swearing isn't acceptable of course. The OP made a mistake in not reacting very strongly to it the very first time it happened. But they can and should start now.

BetsyEllen

Pecker31 wrote: »

Ugh I need to grow a pair but I can't do that. I just want to go.

That's fair enough, not everyone is able to deal with confrontation.

It's unfortunate though, you are a grown adult and you're letting yourself be bullied. He's just another human, nothing more special or important than you or any of us are - why should he not be put in his place?

What's the worse that can happen? He can't sack you.

I can only see a beneficial outcome, in that he stops talking to you like crap.
If he doesn't improve, sure you're already looking for a new job anyway.

There's not much more advice we can give you if you're not willing to speak to your boss other than leave, which you're already trying to do.

Good luck.

Musketeer4

get a stress leave cert from the doctor and take stress leave. See how they like them apples when there is no-one to do reports for his fúcking iphone.

CMOTDibbler

Pecker31 wrote: »

Ugh I need to grow a pair but I can't do that. I just want to go.

My advice would be to look seriously for another job. Those kinds of outfits are poison to work for. Coincidentally my brother worked for one and for a short time so did I. Completely different operations but the same set up and pretty much the same experiences.

A guy like that could turn around in an instant and fire you for no good reason and inside a year, you have no recourse to unfair dismissals legislation. So get your retaliation in first and leave as soon as you can. Suff like taking a case against him is inconsequential to having a dismissal on your CV.

Musketeer4

Surely there are some sorts of allegations you could bring? Harassment? Threatening and abusive behaviour etc etc?

Pecker31

CMOTDibbler wrote: »

My advice would be to look seriously for another job. Those kinds of outfits are poison to work for. Coincidentally my brother worked for one and for a short time so did I. Completely different operations but the same set up and pretty much the same experiences.

A guy like that could turn around in an instant and fire you for no good reason and inside a year, you have no recourse to unfair dismissals legislation. So get your retaliation in first and leave as soon as you can. Suff like taking a case against him is inconsequential to having a dismissal on your CV.

Ya your right, I have signed up to all the job.ie etc sites so hopefully something will come up soon. I will feel bad for leaving her in the lurch but life is too short to listen to that.

BetsyEllen

Pecker31 wrote: »

Ya your right, I have signed up to all the job.ie etc sites so hopefully something will come up soon. I will feel bad for leaving her in the lurch but life is too short to listen to that.

You won't be leaving her in the lurch.

Employees come and go in any company, no one is expected to stay forever.
Obviously you'll be required to give notice and this gives her time to find someone else or make sure she is able to cover your duties herself for a while.

I wouldn't waste my time on feeling bad about it; it's not your fault she's married to an idiot and she makes the choice to put up with his crap.

She has a duty to your as your boss to ensure that your working environment is pleasant and you are treated fairly and in a professional manner.
She has failed in this task so whilst she may be lovely, she's not a very good boss so it's her fault that you are leaving, as well as her husbands.

CMOTDibbler

Pecker31 wrote: »

Ya your right, I have signed up to all the job.ie etc sites so hopefully something will come up soon. I will feel bad for leaving her in the lurch but life is too short to listen to that.

I wouldn't feel bad for her. She's enabling him to continue in that vein regardless of the fact that it's unprofessional, bullying and intimidatory. If she doesn't know that his behaviour is unacceptable then she's a whole new kind of stupid.

It's up to you if you want to tell them why you're leaving when the time comes, but that depends on the personal relationships you have around that family and how you want them to continue.

But definitely get out as soon as the right opportunity comes up. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they are well aware of unfair dismissals legislation and would fire you before it comes into play.

Amanda.ie

Pecker31 wrote: »

So to cut a long story short I am in my job with approx 6 months and all was fine at the start. I work for a lovely lady and its only me and her in the office, mainly me as she has kids etc. Her husband owns the sister company and also this one.

To put it mildly he is a dog. He curses to me daily over numerous things and I have never felt so intimidated. When I joined they were a very new company so had no procedures in place or reports etc, I started to do all them and now "they are not good enough" "they don't make sense" "they are pointless" and basically he thinks I am an incompetent s**t. He travels a lot so I email him the reports in excel, he rings then saying he can't open them on his I phone and "you don't f**king understand I am trying to read it on a small screen" .... not my problem

I am actively looking for another job at present and don't want to talk to his wife as I would imagine she gets it 1000 times worse than me.

Someone tell me this isn't normal to be spoken to like this, something then the wife (my boss) got on his power trip and I feel like telling them both where to go, when I ask for time off or my holiday allowance I am looked at like I am being cheeky.

This does not sound like a professional work relationship, this is because you are friends outside of the work place with her sister.
It's hard to speak up for yourself because of this.
Regarding reading mail on his phone, that is your job to send it in a way he can read it tbf.

Musketeer4

Next time he moans at you for not being able to open an xls file tell him to go on the appstore and download excel ffs. Its basic as shít.

strandroad

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Except that quite likely it IS part of the job.

If you are producing something for someone else, then you need to be aware of how they will read it. If that means on their phone (increasingly common these days, unfortunately), then you need to adapt.

Maybe consider using Google Sheets instead of Excel, because it's got a client for phones.

Excel has phone apps too, not to mention dozens of third party apps, there's no way someone is genuinely unable to open a standard xls, more like inept or unwilling.

corkres1989

IMO no job is worth putting up with bullying....unless you will literally be out on the streets if you leave. It can have a real detrimental effect on you in the long run. (I still think about my old boss who used to scream in my ear and laugh at me when I said I wanted to leave 4 hours after my scheduled shift ended)....Hopefully you can find a new job soon and leave. Don't worry about getting a good reference. They won't even ask you for one if they know you are looking whilst currently employed. Best of luck

myshirt

Op, you should correct the title of this thread. No one is your boss, they are your employer. Indentured servitude is well gone. Get out of that environment, simple as. There's no money worth that.

Pecker31

myshirt wrote: »

Op, you should correct the title of this thread. No one is your boss, they are your employer. Indentured servitude is well gone. Get out of that environment, simple as. There's no money worth that.

Your right, just waiting on something to come up, hopefully it will A.S.A.P ~ just got a phone call from his wife to say " Hey just wanted to warn you that he will be around Monday and will be looking for reports etc, I said "Ya that's no problem at all I will do any report he wants"

Whats the warn about like!!

Musketeer4

She must know that he's in foul humour today or something. Brace yourself and have a few good answers ready for when she starts spouting shíte.

Tell her to do something about her husband's attitude.

What industry is it in?

Pecker31

Musketeer4 wrote: »

She must know that he's in foul humour today or something. Brace yourself and have a few good answers ready for when she starts spouting shíte.

Tell her to do something about her husband's attitude.

What industry is it in?

Its in the building industry, I am used to dealing with people like that but sometimes it goes too far

Musketeer4

I see. There are a lot of absolute ignoramuses in that game, I should know, I deal with a lot of them myself for work. Pure apes.

I think you have to bite the bullet and tell the wife to explain to the husband that this behaviour isn't on. No-one is going to do it for you.

allibastor

I worked for a company like that, except the husband who was the owner was sound as hell.

Lovely man, I took the job to actually work with him as I felt we got on well and could do great things as it was a small company but I could see potential.

Then I met his wife, my third day there and first day meeting her. She started off very nice but then at lunch threw an actual fit in the office as she couldnt find her keys, I mean she threw sh1t around, kicked doors, yelled at the inter at reception etc. Her keys were in her office door. Left this one off.

the next week she did something similar, actually abused the poor intern for something that was not in anyway shape or form her fault, threw sh1t around the office, kicked over a bin etc. I said it to the boss, he said he knows but cant talk to her. I said I cant work like that if this is the case and handed in my notice there and then. He rang me to ask to stay, but life is too short like that and no matter what happens, your friend and boss will pick her husband over you.

Musketeer4

Might there be a way of persuading/manipulating her into doing something about the husband? Might he be abusing her?

CMOTDibbler

Musketeer4 wrote: »

Might there be a way of persuading/manipulating her into doing something about the husband? Might he be abusing her?

There's no point in going down that road. Maybe have that conversation when you're leaving and asked why, but the problem remains that the relationship will most likely trump anything else. Including workplace bullying.

Pecker31

CMOTDibbler wrote: »

There's no point in going down that road. Maybe have that conversation when you're leaving and asked why, but the problem remains that the relationship will most likely trump anything else. Including workplace bullying.

no no no I highly doubt he is he just talks to people like they are dogs and treats her like his sectary!

allibastor

Pecker31 wrote: »

no no no I highly doubt he is he just talks to people like they are dogs and treats her like his sectary!

Advice for the future, If you can at all avoid it, never work FOR friends, or friends of friends. It usually never ends well.

Work WITH them fine, as equal partners, but never for !!!!

Chuchote

If you have to leave, and you have taken dated notes of all problematic interactions, it sounds (to this non-expert) like constructive dismissal.

You don't have to keep working in the same industry.

Rambling Rake

Record some of these phone calls and talk to Joe.

fermtri

Musketeer4 wrote: »

get a stress leave cert from the doctor and take stress leave. See how they like them apples when there is no-one to do reports for his f cking iphone.

Great attitude there.

Be good to hear the other side of this story too.

allibastor

Chuchote wrote: »

If you have to leave, and you have taken dated notes of all problematic interactions, it sounds (to this non-expert) like constructive dismissal.

You don't have to keep working in the same industry.

Its not

Constructive dismissal is only where they absolutely make you feel you cant continue to work and they undermine you at all times and take away your ability to perform your own work.

This is just some tool on a power trip who thinks he can yell at anyone who works with him, but from the sounds of it has never been called on it.

Pecker, try and actually speak to him on it, he may not even know he is doing it consciously, and he may actually say sorry !!!I have seen this happen also.

Sam Kade

The boss is getting slated here, but we are only hearing one side of the story.

justshane

Sam Kade wrote: »

The boss is getting slated here, but we are only hearing one side of the story.

While this boards not a court of law, people are giving advice on the assumption the op is telling it as it is. What do you expect us to do?

Thoie

Pecker31 wrote: »

He curses to me daily over numerous things and I have never felt so intimidated.

"Fred, I realise this is your company, but swearing like that in the office is inappropriate, please stop." You're looking for something else anyway, so at least give him a chance to curb it.

Pecker31 wrote: »

When I joined they were a very new company so had no procedures in place or reports etc, I started to do all them and now "they are not good enough" "they don't make sense" "they are pointless" and basically he thinks I am an incompetent s**t.

Ask if you should stop doing the pointless ones (if you think they're important, explain why, but go along with what he says). Find out what the important details are to him. In my job I keep detailed reports and tiny bits of information, but I don't send them to my boss. They're available if he wants to review the details, but mostly I just send him the headlines - are we on schedule, on budget, is there anything unusual, and anything that might cause a problem.

Pecker31 wrote: »

He travels a lot so I email him the reports in excel, he rings then saying he can't open them on his I phone and "you don't f**king understand I am trying to read it on a small screen" .... not my problem

It is your problem. He's the boss/owner and if he can't read the work you're producing, then you need to send it in a format he can. Ask him can ye sit down together next time he's in the office and try out a few different methods to see what works best for him - others have suggested google docs, PDF, Excel app on his phone, etc. Maybe he could tell you which are the figures he's most interested in, and you could put those in plain text in the body of the email as well as attaching a file - e.g.

Here's the report attached Fred, highlights are:
Income +1000
Expenditure -300

---

Net +700

Timelines: All on track. The thing we ordered last week had to be reordered as the sizes were wrong. Supplier said they can deliver within original timeline and budget as long as there are no further changes.

Note: Expenditure was €50 higher than planned this week as there was a severe diarrhea incident and we needed to purchase extra toilet paper.


So, talk to him about the swearing, keep looking for another job, make notes of every "bad" interaction but in the meantime, find out what his expectations are and try to meet them.

Chuchote

Pecker31 wrote: »

So to cut a long story short I am in my job with approx 6 months and all was fine at the start. I work for a lovely lady and its only me and her in the office, mainly me as she has kids etc. Her husband owns the sister company and also this one.

To put it mildly he is a dog. He curses to me daily over numerous things and I have never felt so intimidated. When I joined they were a very new company so had no procedures in place or reports etc, I started to do all them and now "they are not good enough" "they don't make sense" "they are pointless" and basically he thinks I am an incompetent s**t. He travels a lot so I email him the reports in excel, he rings then saying he can't open them on his I phone and "you don't f**king understand I am trying to read it on a small screen" .... not my problem

I am actively looking for another job at present and don't want to talk to his wife as I would imagine she gets it 1000 times worse than me.

Someone tell me this isn't normal to be spoken to like this, something then the wife (my boss) got on his power trip and I feel like telling them both where to go, when I ask for time off or my holiday allowance I am looked at like I am being cheeky.

allibastor wrote: »

Its not

Constructive dismissal is only where they absolutely make you feel you cant continue to work and they undermine you at all times and take away your ability to perform your own work.

This is just some tool on a power trip who thinks he can yell at anyone who works with him, but from the sounds of it has never been called on it.

Pecker, try and actually speak to him on it, he may not even know he is doing it consciously, and he may actually say sorry !!!I have seen this happen also.

The OP's description sounds to me like someone who feels he or she can't continue to work, and like someone who is being undermined and whose ability to perform the work is being taken away.

Incidentally, who reads complex reports on a phone? Does the owner not have a computer at home?

Pecker31

It is your problem. He's the boss/owner and if he can't read the work you're producing, then you need to send it in a format he can. Ask him can ye sit down together next time he's in the office and try out a few different methods to see what works best for him - others have suggested google docs, PDF, Excel app on his phone, etc. Maybe he could tell you which are the figures he's most interested in, and you could put those in plain text in the body of the email as well as attaching a file - e.g.


Totally get what you are saying and if he told me the 1st time he couldn't read them of course I would have changed it, but he rang me and said "what the F was that thing you sent me sure I cant evening f-ing read it"

That is a little unprofessional in my opinion, I can take direction but just not off assho*es

fermtri

justshane wrote: »

Sam Kade wrote: »

The boss is getting slated here, but we are only hearing one side of the story.

While this boards not a court of law, people are giving advice on the assumption the op is telling it as it is. What do you expect us to do?

Perhaps tailor the advice on the assumption that the op is telling their side of the story and not 'as it is'

peterm80

Sounds to me like you've a cushy number op. By the looks of all your other posts you seem to spend you're working day on boards posting or looking for jobs , maybe your boss knows this hence his attitude. As well as this do you thihk you're friend would be upset if she knew you were spouting off online about her family I'm sure she can put two and two together. Im an employer myself of a small establishment and know the day to day stresses that go with it I'd never speak to an employee the way he allegedly does to you but him or his partner should be confronted by you it's a bit juvenile not to be able to assert yourself about it and just make excuses. Why not convert the reports to pdf like earlier poster suggested problem solved. Maybe spend some time doing your best to find a solution to the issues he raises instead of getting your back up. Then he has no excuse for his behaviour if you are actually genuinely making an effort. Like early poster said there's always two sides maybe he's annoyed he sees like you're not making an effort? I'd be pretty annoyed paying someone to sit online for the day