Should I run a mile

mandyoh16

Hey, I wanted some advice
After a terrible breakup I've been single for nearly 2 years anyway I feel it's time and I'm over my ex,
I've been chatting a guy through online dating we swapped numbers and I really had a good feeling until.....
He was away on a lads weekend last Friday/sat I knew he was going and I didn't want to be annoying him so I didn't text him all weekend as he was with friends etc
We chatted yesterday and we were talking about what we both got up to and I said something like " oh did u get lucky" I was teasing as we both have good banter and joke alot
Then he told me he slept with 2 girls one Friday and one sat I was abit shocked
Ill make it clear we haven't even met yet but I thought that that's where we were heading, he kept reassuring me saying oh when I'm with a girl I would never sleep around, I'm just not that type of person to have one night stands so I can't get my head around it
I don't have a reason to be angry but what do u ppl think???

Also today I'm away on business and we text asking how my day was, I said I'd just had lunch and he told me make sure it's a small portion I know this was a joke so I replied nope I love my food and told him I had a huge lunch and asked jokingly would he still like me if I put on weight to which he replied " no I hate fat girls" I don't think he's joking about it

I went threw hell with my ex and the last thing I want is another disastrous relationship he keeps asking me to meet and seems really eager but something is screaming no to me

MadYaker

So meet him and if you don't like him go no further with it? You can't really get the measure of someone online. I'll never understand how people do online dating.

If something is screaming no at you, why would you meet up or stay in contact at all?

If your bells are ringing, it's usually a good idea to listen to them.

Merkin

I agree, I'd always go with instinct.

I do think you sound quite emotionally invested already given you've never even clapped eyes on the chap. I also think, going on what you've told us, that he sounds like a knob. I think you know this too. On that basis I'd save myself the hassle and forget about him. Online dating is full of men and women who like the attention but oftentimes without any commitment.

frostyjacks

My gut instinct is to steer clear of this guy. He claims to have bedded three women over two days, is telling you how much to eat...no lighty for me I'm afraid.

Merkin

Merkin wrote: »

I also think, going on what you've told us, that he sounds like a knob.

My thoughts exactly.

batmanrobin

Hmm, I'd be inclined to say maybe leave it?

It's important not to allow past issues (say what you went through with your ex) to effect the present, but it's only normal to be cautious. I think if your gut is screaming as you as you say, would it be worth it then to go on a date?

Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but I'd be somewhat put off by a guy sleeping with two women, especially in such quick succession, when he's engaging with me. I dunno, I'd find that "any hole will do" behaviour a bit sad really. Is he so desperate for sex? I dunno, wouldn't be my cup of tea and not a trait I'd like in a guy I could potentially end up seeing.

mandyoh16

Thanks so much for all the replies
I really appreciate it
I am going with my gut and going to say goodbye to him
I just can't be around someone who sleeps around so casually, and while I appreciate him being honest part of me wishes he didn't tell me
I haven't met him but we chat on the phone for hours, send pics etc through whatsapp and Facebook and just the way we were speaking I thought something would come of it
Online dating is a minefield but I don't go out much anymore to clubs etc and it's hard to meet guys

Saipanne

mandyoh16 wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the replies
I really appreciate it
I am going with my gut and going to say goodbye to him
I just can't be around someone who sleeps around so casually, and while I appreciate him being honest part of me wishes he didn't tell me
I haven't met him but we chat on the phone for hours, send pics etc through whatsapp and Facebook and just the way we were speaking I thought something would come of it
Online dating is a minefield but I don't go out much anymore to clubs etc and it's hard to meet guys

If you'd like to meet new people in a non pressured setting, id recommend joining a drama or hiking group.

There's loads of stuff like that on meetup.com. You might make new friends as well as meeting a nice guy.

njs030

mandyoh16 wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the replies
I really appreciate it
I am going with my gut and going to say goodbye to him
I just can't be around someone who sleeps around so casually, and while I appreciate him being honest part of me wishes he didn't tell me
I haven't met him but we chat on the phone for hours, send pics etc through whatsapp and Facebook and just the way we were speaking I thought something would come of it
Online dating is a minefield but I don't go out much anymore to clubs etc and it's hard to meet guys

There's nothing wrong with online dating ignore anyone who says there is.
The first rule is not to get invested too quickly and unfortunately that's exactly what you've done, save liking someone until you've met him 5,6,7 + times and you've spent time together, got to know him a bit more and are actually headed towards a relationship.
Texts are easy making an effort matters!

This man sounds like an idiot, you don't tell someone you're trying to impress you slept with x amount of people in a weekend!

Forget him, start again and this time keep your options open, speak to a few people, know what you want and have high standards. Let them impress you and vice versa.

JeffKenna

To be honest you're putting a bit too much thought into this for a guy you've never met. I'd be wondering if he were messing about sleeping with two girls to be honest, no guy would be that stupid to say it to a potential date.

Bunny Colvin

Leave it for sure. Even if he did bed a few girls on a weekend, his need to tell you this says a lot. That might sound harsh but seeing as you two haven't met, it makes you think he should be putting his best across and at least acting respectful towards you - that comment flies in the face of that.

Carlos Orange

Bunny Colvin wrote: »

Leave it for sure. Even if he did bed a few girls on a weekend, his need to tell you this says a lot.

Maybe he is just the honest sort. She did literally ask him.

I'm not sure why you'd ask him and I'm even less sure why he'd tell you.
The food thing though, he sounds like a knob

mada82

To be honest him being with other girls is none of your business as you aren't together.

I find it strange you have a problem with that considering you have never actually met.

Regarding the fat comment, he shouldn't have said that but he is allowed have a preference in what body type he likes.

Idle Passerby

If he's telling you about shagging all around himself and dictating to you what you can eat in order to hold his attention, he's looking for someone with low self esteem who'll put up with being put down. No one needs some arsehole who'll try to make them feel inadequate.

Dixie Chick

I wouldn't be a fan of it to be honest. I had a similar thing happen when I was online dating where a guy told me he had slept with a "Russian Minx" the night before. Stupidly I still went on a date even though my gut told me that I just didn't like that. There was no need to tell me that at all. I actually think that if we had ended up getting together that I would have gone back to thinking about him and his Russian Minx and even though it would have been none of my business it would have brought about an insecurity in me,

He would get a red card for the fat comment though straight away. Do not show me your ugliness before I even meet you !!!

SarahMollie

mada82 wrote: »

To be honest him being with other girls is none of your business as you aren't together.

I find it strange you have a problem with that considering you have never actually met.

Regarding the fat comment, he shouldn't have said that but he is allowed have a preference in what body type he likes.

Thats not the point though really - I don't think the OP feels betrayed or anything, its more that its just not a good look to brag about bedding loads of girls to someone you want to date.

A guy not having the smarts to keep schtum on that sort of this is a bit a a red flag.

CdeC

Good decision OP but I am surprised that you needed boards to help you with this.

He was joking about having a small portion for lunch and then he tells you he was with 2 girls on Friday and one on Saturday. That's not normal
He sounds like a complete d*ck.

I might suggest that you have some fun first and tell him you were with a few guys last weekend and see how he reacts.

Man-whore "yuck". Probably have given you a disease.

SB_Part2

How old is this guy? Sounds like he's really immature. I wouldn't bother.

timmy880

To be honest him being with other girls is none of your business as you aren't together.

I find it strange you have a problem with that considering you have never actually met.

Regarding the fat comment, he shouldn't have said that but he is allowed have a preference in what body type he likes.

It's still an odd thing to say if you're chatting to somebody and planning to meet up for a date though.....? And the fat comment just makes it worse. Regardless of your past issues with your ex, this guy sounds like a bit of a bell. Up to you if you want to meet him or not but if you're already uncomfortable with what he is saying then I wouldn't be too encouraged to meet. Good luck.

homerjay2005

frostyjacks wrote: »

My gut instinct is to steer clear of this guy. He claims to have bedded three women over two days, is telling you how much to eat...no lighty for me I'm afraid.

so a single man on holidays,sleeps with 2 girls in a shorts space of time and now, according to you means there is something wrong with him?

my word, lighten up ffs. if people said that about a woman on here, there would be a mass outcry against it.

and i dont see him telling her how much to eat, he just said he doesnt like fat people , which i am sure the OP is just paraphrasing a little also.

people are making such a big issue out of the above two points, yet forget that the OP asked him "did you get lucky" and also directly asked him a question about would he still like her if she put on weight.

he wouldnt have answered the questions, if he wasnt asked them....he aint bragging or claiming anything as people are here, on the first one especially the OP shouldnt have asked it.

Augme

mandyoh16 wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the replies
I really appreciate it
I am going with my gut and going to say goodbye to him
I just can't be around someone who sleeps around so casually, and while I appreciate him being honest part of me wishes he didn't tell me
I haven't met him but we chat on the phone for hours, send pics etc through whatsapp and Facebook and just the way we were speaking I thought something would come of it
Online dating is a minefield but I don't go out much anymore to clubs etc and it's hard to meet guys

An awful stink of slut-shaming from this tbh.

sassyj

mandyoh16 wrote: »

I haven't met him but we chat on the phone for hours, send pics etc through whatsapp and Facebook and just the way we were speaking I thought something would come of it
Online dating is a minefield but I don't go out much anymore to clubs etc and it's hard to meet guys

It's not really. You get chatting to someone and if they seem ok you suggest a meet up. Spending hours/days/weeks communicating and not meeting is foolish. You've ended up completely overinvesting in a stranger.

Chocolate fiend

You should run a mile but, to be honest it sounds as if both of you are having a lucky escape.

johnnyskeleton

mandyoh16 wrote: »

I just can't be around someone who sleeps around so casually, and while I appreciate him being honest part of me wishes he didn't tell me
I haven't met him but we chat on the phone for hours, send pics etc through whatsapp and Facebook and just the way we were speaking I thought something would come of it

Just a question more than anything else, but is it possible that he didnt actually sleep with them? As another poster points out, you asked him if he got lucky. How does a guy answer that? If he says "no" it sends the message of "Im not very attractive/sexy" and if he says "yes" it sends the message that he is highly desireable ans thats probably what he thought you wanted to hear.

Decent Skin

JeffKenna wrote: »

To be honest you're putting a bit too much thought into this for a guy you've never met. I'd be wondering if he were messing about sleeping with two girls to be honest, no guy would be that stupid to say it to a potential date.

I'd agree - since the OP asked if he got lucky he didn't want to seem lame, but didn't want to seem like he'd met "someone" either, and so exaggerated it for a laugh.

If he'd said "no, I was saving myself for you" then the reading into it would go the other way, but that too could be a ballhop.

Way too invested OP; stop wrecking your own head or reading into something when you don't know someone well enough.

Not having a go mind - we've all been there at some stage in our lives.

And maybe he is too juvenile; who knows.

Just ease up a little and be happy being you, and THEN start seeing if someone clicks with who you are; not the intense recently-broken-up you, but the real you.

silverbolt

mandyoh16 wrote: »

Hey, I wanted some advice
After a terrible breakup I've been single for nearly 2 years anyway I feel it's time and I'm over my ex,
I've been chatting a guy through online dating we swapped numbers and I really had a good feeling until.....
He was away on a lads weekend last Friday/sat I knew he was going and I didn't want to be annoying him so I didn't text him all weekend as he was with friends etc
We chatted yesterday and we were talking about what we both got up to and I said something like " oh did u get lucky" I was teasing as we both have good banter and joke alot
Then he told me he slept with 2 girls one Friday and one sat I was abit shocked
Ill make it clear we haven't even met yet but I thought that that's where we were heading, he kept reassuring me saying oh when I'm with a girl I would never sleep around, I'm just not that type of person to have one night stands so I can't get my head around it
I don't have a reason to be angry but what do u ppl think???

Also today I'm away on business and we text asking how my day was, I said I'd just had lunch and he told me make sure it's a small portion I know this was a joke so I replied nope I love my food and told him I had a huge lunch and asked jokingly would he still like me if I put on weight to which he replied " no I hate fat girls" I don't think he's joking about it

I went threw hell with my ex and the last thing I want is another disastrous relationship he keeps asking me to meet and seems really eager but something is screaming no to me

LISTEN TO THIS!.

Your gut knows what your heart does not.

Cut ties. Something is warning you about this guy. Stay away.

The things he says can be taken both ways but your gut instinct is the one you should be listening to

leggo

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

Just a question more than anything else, but is it possible that he didnt actually sleep with them? As another poster points out, you asked him if he got lucky. How does a guy answer that? If he says "no" it sends the message of "Im not very attractive/sexy" and if he says "yes" it sends the message that he is highly desireable ans thats probably what he thought you wanted to hear.

"Ah I wouldn't kiss and tell," kinda covers both avenues. I'd probably gloss over the question altogether if someone said it to me. But you're dead right, she put him in an awkward spot. AND she put herself in one too asking a question she didn't want to know the answer to! Then coming on boards complaining about the answer when there was no good answer! What do you want like?! If he'd have said to the other girls, "Sorry I'm talking to this beautiful, intelligent girl online and I don't want to jeopardise that" and you found out, you'd likely think, "Ew, clingy!"

You need to stop overthinking everything OP. The comment about fat girls sounds like this guy is unpleasant, but it sounds like your brain is working against you looking for flaws in people too and putting them into positions where they can only fail.

Ursus Horribilis

If you weren't finding it hard to meet men, do you think you'd be entertaining this guy? If your gut is telling you that something is wrong, then why put yourself through this? You've already been through one bad relationship so you do need to look after yourself. As everyone else has correctly pointed out, texting and talking on the phone to someone is not how you get to know someone. With online dating, the general consensus is that you should meet the person fairly quickly, before you build up a picture in your head of what they're like and become over-invested. You know nothing about this man even though you think you do.

SarahMollie

homerjay2005 wrote: »

so a single man on holidays,sleeps with 2 girls in a shorts space of time and now, according to you means there is something wrong with him?

my word, lighten up ffs. if people said that about a woman on here, there would be a mass outcry against it.

and i dont see him telling her how much to eat, he just said he doesnt like fat people , which i am sure the OP is just paraphrasing a little also.

people are making such a big issue out of the above two points, yet forget that the OP asked him "did you get lucky" and also directly asked him a question about would he still like her if she put on weight.

he wouldnt have answered the questions, if he wasnt asked them....he aint bragging or claiming anything as people are here, on the first one especially the OP shouldnt have asked it.

Completely - she needs to stop asking leading questions that she doesn't really want to hear the answer to.

That said - she got answers and they were doozies. She can't just unhear them.

As another poster said, if someone put me on the spot, I'd gloss over the subject, I wouldnt just say that I'd been with 2 women back to back, or equally I wouldnt admit to getting no action either if that had happened. He wasnt obliged to answer and the answers he gave didnt paint him in a good light IMO.

Just to be clear, I couldnt give two hoots what this lad got up to on his holidays, but by the was he's communicated with the OP, I think he comes across as crass and juvenile, so on that alone I wouldnt be into him.

homerjay2005

SarahMollie wrote: »

I'd gloss over the subject, I wouldnt just say that I'd been with 2 women back to back,

and then we would have people on here calling him a lier, he cant be trusted, get rid bla bla bla

Emme

Internet dating has its place but I don't like long online correspondences. Meeting face to face as soon as possible is better because you're less likely to waste each other's time. Do not waste time online corresponding for weeks with idiots who vaguely flirt with you and ask for a constant stream of "selfies". I don't mean to be crude but some of these people use internet dating as a form of enhanced masturbation.

I would advise you to leave internet dating for a while. It might be better to get out in the real world and meet people face to face in a non-pressurised setting. Take up a sport or some other hobby to have an interest and build your self-esteem. It's better to meet somebody when you're feeling confident and happy. If you're not confident you're more likely to attract predators and idiot timewasters like the guy online.

There's bootcamp groups, meetup groups, hiking groups, triathlon groups, you name it there's a group for it.

SarahMollie

homerjay2005 wrote: »

and then we would have people on here calling him a lier, he cant be trusted, get rid bla bla bla

No, because why would it ever come up? This thread just wouldnt exist - ignorance is bliss.

Anyone asking questions about a potential partners past (other than have you always practiced safe sex and if not have you been tested recently) is asking for trouble.

njs030

Emme wrote: »

Internet dating has its place but I don't like long online correspondences. Meeting face to face as soon as possible is better because you're less likely to waste each other's time. Do not waste time online corresponding for weeks with idiots who vaguely flirt with you and ask for a constant stream of "selfies". I don't mean to be crude but some of these people use internet dating as a form of enhanced masturbation.

Or even just to make friends, have someone to talk to etc. Some people are OK with that, some aren't but the other person isn't at fault if you let it happen, how are they meant to know you're not on the same page!

Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to in future and remember you're both single until otherwise discussed!! Certainly when you haven't even met!!