Would you go out with a woman who had a child...

fryup

...from a previous relationship??

There's a cracker of a polish waitress in my local cafe, she keeps giving me the "glad eyes" i'm toying with the idea of asking her out...but she's got a kid already and her ex lives nearby

i'm truly tempted but i don't like complications, so i don't know what to do

btw - i'm single with no kids

syklops

fryup wrote: »

...from a previous relationship??

There a cracker of a polish waitress in my local cafe, she keeps giving me the "glad eyes" i'm toying with the idea of asking her out...but she's got a kid already and her ex lives nearby

i'm truly tempted but i don't like complications, so i don't know what to do

Danger Will Robinson, heere be dragons.

Would I? Yes, but be careful. I wouldnt want to meet or be spending time with the kid until I knew the relationship was going somewhere. Also, try and establish what the relationship with the Dad is. You dont want a big Polish dude knocking on your door.

A friend of mine went on a tinder date and the date brought her child to the date. It wasn't because she couldnt find a date. She said "I just thought you two should meet". He wasn't impressed.

smash

Don't shoplift the pootie!

mzungu

syklops wrote: »

Danger Will Robinson, heere be dragons.

Would I? Yes, but be careful. I wouldnt want to meet or be spending time with the kid until I knew the relationship was going somewhere. Also, try and establish what the relationship with the Dad is. You dont want a big Polish dude knocking on your door.

A friend of mine went on a tinder date and the date brought her child to the date. It wasn't because she couldnt find a date. She said "I just thought you two should meet". He wasn't impressed.

Hey, we don't know if he is Polish, or indeed big. OP, if it's a skinny Irish chap and you think you could take him in fight then play ahead. But if it's a big chap who looks like he can bust heads with ease, then thread carefully.

Twiceasnice97

go ahead but do not engage with the child under any circumstances unless you intend committing long term.
Its not fair to the kid

quadrifoglio verde

I wouldn't rule it out for the right girl but to be honest I'm 24, I've no intention yet of playing happy families or the father role for a long time.

Shed want to be quite special for me to go chasing her if I knew there was a child involved

boardsuser1

Would i??? Yes,because i done it in the past. Currently in a relationship in which i have children but i also have a child from a previous relationship. Ex and current gf went to school together and never got on. It can be fun at times.

howamidifferent

Yes. Don't see why not.

pauliebdub

I'd be reluctant if I'm being honest. I don't think I'd want to become a guardian to a child that's not biologically mine. There's the possibility that we wouldn't get on and you also have the hassle of the child's father and his relatives having a big say in our family life.

ted1

Full steam ahead, kids wouldn't be a problem to me

Wibbs

quadrifoglio verde wrote: »

I wouldn't rule it out for the right girl but to be honest I'm 24, I've no intention yet of playing happy families or the father role for a long time.

I'm more ancient now, so I'd have less choice in the matter, simply because the pool of available women would much more likely include kids(even so I'd prefer without.). However if I was 24 like QV no way. Life and relationships are complicated enough and a kid is an added complication and stress point. Not the kids fault, but there it is. For me anyway and fair enough if it's cool with other men.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Gen.Zhukov

I went out with a few women with kids, all with varying results.

First was a lovely girl and her kid was a nice pleasant child. Didn't impede the relationship at all and the child wasn't looking for me to fill any particular role.
This, I'm fairly sure was down to the mother just being a very good mother and a nice person.

Second was one kid too, but younger. The dad started sniffin around again after about 6 months and thinking it was best for the kid, mother gets back with dad and I get dumped. They split up 2 months later !
Lose lose lose all round.

Third one had 2 kids and they were nasty little feckers. A bit messed up and spoilt rotten. It's not easy to tell someone else's kids to f off so I fk'd off.

I've dated girls in the past (when i was 28-35) who had kids but honestly it brings a load of pressure which I found myself ill-equipped to handle. Not about the kids themselves but there seemed to almost be extra rules or such which I just didn't know about. Tended to end badly. Nowadays (i'm 39 now) I wouldn't mind it so much since I've kinda given up on the idea of my own kids happening.

0lddog

fryup wrote: »

Would you go out with a woman who had a child...from a previous relationship??

Has something changed in the last 55 years ?

https://www.leonardcohenfiles.com/ihlen.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTenx7RBQZs

Charizard

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Really?? How could any man be surprised at this Unrelated is it common for a man to put a new partner over his children, as someone with a new born, I wouldnt even think of it

Charizard

Deleted User wrote: »

I've dated girls in the past (when i was 28-35) who had kids but honestly it brings a load of pressure which I found myself ill-equipped to handle. Not about the kids themselves but there seemed to almost be extra rules or such which I just didn't know about. Tended to end badly. Nowadays (i'm 39 now) I wouldn't mind it so much since I've kinda given up on the idea of my own kids happening.

Really?? At 39, my sisters oh is 40 and they are pregnant she is 33, youve plenty of time left

Charizard

Charizard wrote: »

Really?? At 39, my sisters oh is 40 and they are pregnant she is 33, youve plenty of time left

Oh, i know i am physically capable. It's not the point. Some people have no real interest in having children. I've dabbled with the idea in my head, but I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. Don't get me wrong, if it "happened", then I'd embrace the experience and do the best I can, but prior experience of dating/relationships hasn't exactly encouraged me to commit to such a thing.

Still, you never know.

Letree

I did in the past with a girl with a young child. The father was heavily involved and i didn't want to be another father figure. I was early 20's back then and didn't really want to be in a family situation like that. I wanted to be out every weekend so it didn't work out.

Now in my late 30's i would have no problem with a women with a teenager (provided we got on reasonably well) but not a young child. A teenager can look after themselves if we wanted to go out etc. It may seem selfish but at this stage of my life i really wouldn't be interested in raising someone elses child from a very young age.

Bandana boy

Of course ask her out , you have a long time and way to go before you have to think/worry about her kid.

Ask her out see if your compatible and if its likely to be more than a fling then weight up the impact of the kid and if your not happy walk away but there could be a lot of fun times between now and then.

Not every single mother wants every date to be a potential new father for her kid ,plenty will still want to enjoy life a little too.

LegacyUser

Note from a single mother's perspective:

Girls with a child tend to be much more mature and a lot less dramatic, needy and clingy.

Yes the child will be a priority but this can benefit you also.

If the Dad is actively involved, chances are her weekends are still free for you also.

I met my (now) husband when my daughter was 6 weeks old (biological father had fecked off after the birth.) I waited 3 months before I'd allow him to meet her. (I'd be reluctant to proceed with any relationship where the mother wanted you to meet her child immediately!)

Thankfully her paternal grandparents wanted a lot of weekend time with her so plenty of time to get to know each other.

PS Daughter is 17 now and we are happily married 11 years.

Not everyone is the same and I would imagine if she is Polish, that her support network may not be huge. This could pose a problem, but I wouldn't let it stop you from asking her out.

Good luck,

Walter H Price

No issue getting involved with a girl who has a kid so long as you keep your distance from the child untill the relationship has become a bit serious like id give it a good 4 moths or so

DuffleBag

Wouldnt touch her with a bargepole..

Frank101

The more time goes by, the less likely she'll be obliged to you're presence

fryup wrote: »

so i don't know what to do

Ya you do!

Frank101

DuffleBag wrote: »

Wouldnt touch her with a bargepole..

Because you've a crowd of women following you around?

This fella's either gay, or low sex drive, or asexual.

DuffleBag

Frank101 wrote: »

Because you've a crowd of women following you around?

This fella's either gay, or low sex drive, or asexual.

Nice.

But no, for the reasons every other lad above has mentioned for not going out with a woman who had a child.

Frank101

DuffleBag wrote: »

Nice.

But no, for the reasons every other lad above has mentioned for not going out with a woman who had a child.

I didn't look. I assume those reasons are more applicable to a question along the lines of "moving in with a woman with............".

By the time you've asked her out I'm almost certain you'll have a different opinion about her and the situation than you do now - for better or worse. After all, where's the fun in not?

VisibleGorilla

Not a chance in hell.

MeatTwoVeg

Does it count if they're your kids too?

If so, yes.

DEFTLEFTHAND

It can be a deal breaker for many men all right.

I wonder is it some sort of primeval male instinct of being reluctant to raise another males progeny?

Chuchote

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

It can be a deal breaker for many men all right.

I wonder is it some sort of primeval male instinct of being reluctant to raise another males progeny?

Or maybe it's nature's way of protecting women from useless narcissists?

Richard Hillman

I can say no chance now but if Jessica Alba wanted us to court each other, I would be open to it as long as I didnt have to meet the child. Basically you would have to be world class to be considered.

mzungu

Chuchote wrote: »

Or maybe it's nature's way of protecting women from useless narcissists?

There is nothing narcissistic about not wanting to raise another persons child.

It is certainly better than the alternative, which would be to pretend that you want to and give it a half hearted try. Then nobody wins, and everybody loses.

BTW I have known a few women who did not want to get involved with guys who had kids. They were not narcissists, they simply knew what they wanted in a relationship, and another woman's child being included was not a runner.

worded

I've mates with my female polish / Czech partners and they are all very agressive women, they try to wear the trousers.

Single mother, ok. Polish/Czech wimmins, no thanks. Ball busters from what I've experienced and what I hear

Cold hearts

pauliebdub

Chuchote wrote: »

Or maybe it's nature's way of protecting women from useless narcissists?

You're being harsh. Two guys who I'm close friends with are in this situation, for one the father fecked off before the girl was born and never reappeared. my mate has a fantastic relationship with her and his own two kids with her mother so it's a win win.

Another friend has a teenage stepdaughter, every argument begins with " you're not my father, you can't tell me what to do". The girls father is a nightmare to deal with, arrives late on Saturday to collect her keeping them waiting around for ages and is rude to his family at gatherings. He also lavishes her with gifts and makes my friends biological kids jealous and resentful. She also runs to her father claiming to be victimized If she is disciplined which leads to more rows. It's a bit of a nightmare and not a situation I'd like to be in.

sozbox

Tried it, not what I want in life. I wouldn't be able to go all in on that situation which is unfair to all involved so I stay out of those situations.

Spanish Eyes

Just another perpective here. Ladies do read this thread lol.

What about a woman dating a guy who has a kid from a previous relationship?

Any guys here in this situation.

No worries I guess.

B.A._Baracus

Your age comes into play here. If you're 25 you are going to meet women around that age and a lot won't have kids.
Fast-forward the clock 20 years and at 45 you'll meet more women who do have kids from previous relationships.

Personally I wouldn't date someone with kids. I don't mean to be rude and don't take this the wrong way, but let's be mature and honest here, there is a vast difference between sleeping with someone with kids then getting in to a relationship. A lot of us would have no issue with the former. But only a select few would do the latter.

El Hombre

No way, not for me I'll be honest I just couldn't take raising another mans child.

However if I had my own kids I future then of course I'd be open to it would be a bit hypocritical.

But only waiting 3-4 months to meet a new gfs child?! :eek: Jesus wouldn't you want to be dating a year before meeting any child 3-4 months is far too little IMO of course.

iguana

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Just another perpective here. Ladies do read this thread lol.

What about a woman dating a guy who has a kid from a previous relationship?

Any guys here in this situation.

No worries I guess.

I'm a woman and in my opinion not wanting to get into a relationship with someone who has children is a perfectly valid feeling. I was in a relationship in my early 20s with a man who had a child from a previous relationship and I found it extremely difficult. When we split up (which had nothing to do with his child) despite the fact that I was very sad at the end of the relationship, my over-riding emotion was one of relief that all the complications of being a potential step-parent and of always having the child's mother be a part of our lives were gone. A relationship with a parent is different from a relationship with a non-parent and it's ok for someone to not want/or be able to deal with those differences.

That said, as has been pointed out, life changes. Someone who doesn't want a relationship with a parent in their 20s, may be of a different opinion in their 40s. Especially as a lot/most of the single people in that age group may be divorced/widowed parents. In fact someone who wouldn't have wanted to date a single parent when in their 20s, may themselves be a single parent in their 40s.

Gen.Zhukov

There's a lot of talk about " not raising another guys kid " here. I don't think that was implied in the OP. As I said earlier, I went out with girls with kids and nobody expected me to be dad or raise the child.

My advice would be not to let it put you off. If it's going to get messy/complicated or it is not for you, you'll see that fairly soon. I'm of a vintage that would mean that there would be a higher chance of meeting someone with a child than not.

Mister Vain

It's not ideal but it wouldn't be a deal breaker either. If I really liked the girl I'd go for it. I'd date a single mother before I'd date a smoker.

El Hombre

1.618 wrote: »

There's a lot of talk about " not raising another guys kid " here. I don't think that was implied in the OP. As I said earlier, I went out with girls with kids and nobody expected me to be dad or raise the child.

My advice would be not to let it put you off. If it's going to get messy/complicated or it is not for you, you'll see that fairly soon. I'm of a vintage that would mean that there would be a higher chance of meeting someone with a child than not.

Oh I know but for me dating is with a view to a relationship but it depends on your age tho for sure.

lazybones32

No, I wouldn't go out with a woman who has kids that aren't mine. It's not a judgement against her but it's something that I've always been very cautious about. It's not just the two of you; there is always a third person involved and they must come first. I want a relationship with a woman to be just her and I. If that makes me selfish, so be it.
There was one woman I was seriously tempted to ask out but events - in the form of her loudmouth, smartass colleague - got in the way.

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I can say no chance now but if Jessica Alba wanted us to court each other...

Jessica without make-up is very different to Jessica with make-up...

worded wrote: »

I've mates with my female polish / Czech partners and they are all very agressive women, they try to wear the trousers.

Single mother, ok. Polish/Czech wimmins, no thanks. Ball busters from what I've experienced and what I hear

Cold hearts

I've no real experience of Poles but I have nothing but love in my heart for the women of Czechia! Yeah, they sound like robots but I've never had a problem with them trying to dominate or control...the exact opposite actually...and I'm not implying that I'm some Alpha male who commands respect and p*sses on people to mark my territory.
Oh man, the stories I could share about Czech babes...

LouisSmith1

I would not, but thats a personal decision

Malari

I wouldn't have gone out with a man with a kid. Total deal-breaker.

tayto lover

Don't let your mickey dictate to your brain OP.

Take her out by all means but don't forget she has a kid and that you are not set for a relationship as yet.

Jim Bob Scratcher

Not a chance. Even if she was ridiculously hot, it's just way too much baggage..

Noveight

I wouldn't. I don't think I'd be up for taking on the responsibilities that may arise down the road.

fryup

tayto lover wrote: »

Don't let your mickey dictate to your brain OP.

more cold showers for me then

Shint0

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Just another perpective here. Ladies do read this thread lol.

What about a woman dating a guy who has a kid from a previous relationship?

Any guys here in this situation.

No worries I guess.

As a woman, I was in this scenario for a while although the child didn't live with him. Even so, there were sacrifices to be made. Not the child's fault at all but I think it can at times affect plans and any sense of spontaneity in a relationship.

Where it might work better is where both are single parents so they both have a mutual understanding of the sacrifices and commitments required without one feeling any kind of resentment or they are being shortchanged.

I understand some people here saying they have no problem with it and it has worked for them but ideally for me is where two people meet, neither have kids and plan to have their own together. That's just my opinion.