Non-Religious Ceremony

Walter H Price

Just looking to know if any of you fine people have had or attended a non religious wedding ?

Up until recently we had been planning on getting married in a Church though neither of us are the least bit religious, but having talked about it a little more neither of us really feel comfortable doing that what with all the God and Jesus stuff and committing to baptize kids (which we have no intention of doing ) and so on.

So basically were now looking at doing a Humanist ceremony (possibly with a little Celtic twist) in the Hotel where we were having the reception anyway.

Any tips , thoughts or experiences would be awesome as neither of us have ever been to non religious wedding or no anyone that's had one

eviltwin

I got married in a registry office and I've been to a few non religious weddings. The one thing I like is that they are all so unique to the couple unlike the traditional church service so you can make it as personal as you want. Take a bit of time to think about what you want it to say about you, what features you'd like. I know there will be some good suggestions from posters here to give you some inspiration.

SarahMollie

First of all, check that the venue can accommodate a civil ceremony and also if they'll charge you extra to have it there.

Secondly, going by my friends experience and things I've read here, Humanists are in extremely high demand at the moment. You'd want to get booking asap.

I think they're fairly open to letting your ceremony be whatever you want it to be, and I've been to a few and I know they'd be my preference. They tend to me shorter (like 20-30 mins) and if its a single location, you can start a bit later in the day which I think your guests will really appreciate.

stargazer 68

We are having a Humanist ceremony at our hotel. It will be about 40 minutes and our Celebrant has been really helpful with everything. They do book up way in advance so if you decide to go that route you will need to get emailing.

Walter H Price

eviltwin wrote: »

I got married in a registry office and I've been to a few non religious weddings. The one thing I like is that they are all so unique to the couple unlike the traditional church service so you can make it as personal as you want. Take a bit of time to think about what you want it to say about you, what features you'd like. I know there will be some good suggestions from posters here to give you some inspiration.

SarahMollie wrote: »

First of all, check that the venue can accommodate a civil ceremony and also if they'll charge you extra to have it there.

Secondly, going by my friends experience and things I've read here, Humanists are in extremely high demand at the moment. You'd want to get booking asap.

I think they're fairly open to letting your ceremony be whatever you want it to be, and I've been to a few and I know they'd be my preference. They tend to me shorter (like 20-30 mins) and if its a single location, you can start a bit later in the day which I think your guests will really appreciate.

Dovies wrote: »

We are having a Humanist ceremony at our hotel. It will be about 40 minutes and our Celebrant has been really helpful with everything. They do book up way in advance so if you decide to go that route you will need to get emailing.

Thanks guys , yeh the Hotel has two rooms for civil cermonys were going to view one next week it'l only be and extra €250 for the venue fully decorated ... but we were going to have to pay for cars , the church , a pre marrige course etc so actually works out way cheaper . weve contacted a few Humanisits and 3 have so far said they are availible for our date next November also looking at the possibility of going the Celtic / Pagan route for the ceremony but will hopefully be making a final decision by the end of the month.

I love the idea of have a totally personalized and Unique ceremony vs the bog standard RCC template , plus the idea of incorporating some real Irish Tradition and some of the Celtic Mysticism maybe just find that stuff very romantic.

Speedwell

My husband and I are private people and we had a very small, plain wedding at the registry office with just us, the registrar, a couple clerks borrowed from the secretarial pool as witnesses, a bouquet and boutonniere for flowers, and my mobile phone for photographs. But we still look back on it with a smile. There's a certain charm in doing just enough and no more.

Shybride2016

I got married in April and had a humanist ceremony in the hotel.

We could tailor our ceremony whatever way we wanted with readings and music. We spent a long time picking both and we both felt that the ceremony was our favourite part of the day.

We had small children there too so we were conscious not to have it too long, think it was 25 minutes from start to finish.

Guests loved having everything in the one venue, no hassle of travelling from one place to another. Short but very meaningful ceremony.

Neither of us are religious (in fact I have major issues with RCC) so didn't want any religious aspect to the day so this suited us perfectly and our celebrant was just wonderful every step of the planning and on the day itself.

I would agree with others that have said to make your enquiries ASAP as they do book up fast, especially for weekends.

Best of luck with your decision and enjoy the planning.

SarahMollie

Thats good Walter.

Probably the fact that your wedding is in November (off peak) is making it easier to get a celebrant with availability.

As far as I know, most of them will be fairly accommodating Any I've been to (just 2 so far, but I was also at a humanist funeral once which was incredible) are extremely personal and far more memorable than going to mass.

I also think that unless you're regular mass goers, the secular route is more authentic.

Walter H Price

Shybride2016 wrote: »

I got married in April and had a humanist ceremony in the hotel.

We could tailor our ceremony whatever way we wanted with readings and music. We spent a long time picking both and we both felt that the ceremony was our favourite part of the day.

We had small children there too so we were conscious not to have it too long, think it was 25 minutes from start to finish.

Guests loved having everything in the one venue, no hassle of travelling from one place to another. Short but very meaningful ceremony.

Neither of us are religious (in fact I have major issues with RCC) so didn't want any religious aspect to the day so this suited us perfectly and our celebrant was just wonderful every step of the planning and on the day itself.

I would agree with others that have said to make your enquiries ASAP as they do book up fast, especially for weekends.

Best of luck with your decision and enjoy the planning.

Thats really helpful thanks , Just out of intrest what kind of readings did you have ? are ther like ones avilible or do you get given templates etc ?

I was thinking of having certain people maybe write their own like personal anicdotes and so on

Think most of our guests will be the same its a lovely hotel and their all staying the night before so would be much less hassle , we are already inquiring and hoping to have a final decision by the end of August at the very latest.

stargazer 68

Walter H Price wrote: »

Thats really helpful thanks , Just out of intrest what kind of readings did you have ? are ther like ones avilible or do you get given templates etc ?

I was thinking of having certain people maybe write their own like personal anicdotes and so on

.

They will have samples of readings. we picked our own - one is a Pam Ayres poem which is amusing but really lovely. We are having a 2 day event so most of our guests will be checking in on sat and not leaving the hotel until Monday!

Shybride2016

Walter H Price wrote: »

Thats really helpful thanks , Just out of intrest what kind of readings did you have ? are ther like ones avilible or do you get given templates etc ?

I was thinking of having certain people maybe write their own like personal anicdotes and so on

Think most of our guests will be the same its a lovely hotel and their all staying the night before so would be much less hassle , we are already inquiring and hoping to have a final decision by the end of August at the very latest.

Our celebrant forwarded us a load of readings to look through but we could have had anything as long as there was no religious content.

We ended up choosing both from the ones she sent us but there's no restrictions as far as I'm aware anyway.

Sounds like our guest list - we had most of ours travelling over the night before from abroad so wanted to make it as convenient as possible for them without adding extra car journeys/buses between venues etc.

Aw I want to do it all again!!

Walter H Price

Dovies wrote: »

They will have samples of readings. we picked our own - one is a Pam Ayres poem which is amusing but really lovely. We are having a 2 day event so most of our guests will be checking in on sat and not leaving the hotel until Monday!

Shybride2016 wrote: »

Our celebrant forwarded us a load of readings to look through but we could have had anything as long as there was no religious content.

We ended up choosing both from the ones she sent us but there's no restrictions as far as I'm aware anyway.

Sounds like our guest list - we had most of ours travelling over the night before from abroad so wanted to make it as convenient as possible for them without adding extra car journeys/buses between venues etc.

Aw I want to do it all again!!

Thats cool , ye i like the idea of incorportating a poem or maybe a spoken word of a song or somthing like that , really glad theres reading tbh i was worried we wouldnt be able to include guests as much but thats great.

Yeh my Fiance has a big family and there all travelling up from Kildare the night before for convenience so would make the logistics way easier.

Shybride2016

Walter H Price wrote: »

Thats cool , ye i like the idea of incorportating a poem or maybe a spoken word of a song or somthing like that , really glad theres reading tbh i was worried we wouldnt be able to include guests as much but thats great.

Yeh my Fiance has a big family and there all travelling up from Kildare the night before for convenience so would make the logistics way easier.

Oh you can definitely include guests in your ceremony with the readings. We had two but you can choose more if you want. Also, we had some short reflections, two-liners, so if you had a very enthusiastic speaker or two among your guests you could ask them to read something.

Walter H Price

Shybride2016 wrote: »

Oh you can definitely include guests in your ceremony with the readings. We had two but you can choose more if you want. Also, we had some short reflections, two-liners, so if you had a very enthusiastic speaker or two among your guests you could ask them to read something.

Yeh we will have a few for sure , would love to include guests perticularly our closest friends and immediate family in the Cermony as much as possible

I was somewhat worried that a humanist ceremony would be a bit of short snappy afair but have to say you guys are really selling me on the idea, just sounds really personal like

Mrs OBumble

Do you actually agree with Humanist beliefs? If not, then having a Humanist ceremony is just as two faced as having a Christian ceremony would be.

A better option would be to do the legals in the registry office, and then have whatever ceremony you want in the hotel - with the form of the ceremony crafted by you to express your own beliefs. Recruit a friend who you know is good at being an MC to similar to lead it - or even hire an actor if none of your friends fit the bill.

Speedwell

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Do you actually agree with Humanist beliefs? If not, then having a Humanist ceremony is just as two faced as having a Christian ceremony would be.

A better option would be to do the legals in the registry office, and then have whatever ceremony you want in the hotel - with the form of the ceremony crafted by you to express your own beliefs. Recruit a friend who you know is good at being an MC to similar to lead it - or even hire an actor if none of your friends fit the bill.

Anyone can choose to have a secular wedding. Plenty of Christians do so in the US; they just believe all on their own that their Christian beliefs apply to what they have done in the Justice of the Peace's office or the Vegas wedding chapel.

Walter H Price

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Do you actually agree with Humanist beliefs? If not, then having a Humanist ceremony is just as two faced as having a Christian ceremony would be.

A better option would be to do the legals in the registry office, and then have whatever ceremony you want in the hotel - with the form of the ceremony crafted by you to express your own beliefs. Recruit a friend who you know is good at being an MC to similar to lead it - or even hire an actor if none of your friends fit the bill.

Having looked at them , there isn't a whole lot i would disagree with in terms of Humanism , but that said i havnt spent a huge amount of research nto it yet.

Really not intrested in going the registry office route at all , just seems a bit to souless and unromantic , i get it works great for allot of people but just not for us at all.

GingerLily

Walter H Price wrote: »

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Do you actually agree with Humanist beliefs? If not, then having a Humanist ceremony is just as two faced as having a Christian ceremony would be.

A better option would be to do the legals in the registry office, and then have whatever ceremony you want in the hotel - with the form of the ceremony crafted by you to express your own beliefs. Recruit a friend who you know is good at being an MC to similar to lead it - or even hire an actor if none of your friends fit the bill.

Having looked at them , there isn't a whole lot i would disagree with in terms of Humanism , but that said i havnt spent a huge amount of research nto it yet.

Really not intrested in going the registry office route at all , just seems a bit to souless and unromantic , i get it works great for allot of people but just not for us at all.

Some people are very anti-humanist here, don't let it put you off!
I would suggest looking into humanism a bit more before approaching a humanist solemniser, to be on the safe side!

Walter H Price

GingerLily wrote: »

Some people are very anti-humanist here, don't let it put you off! !

I didnt think there was anything too sinister in it to be honest , i dont believe in any god or afterlife or any of that , more into the old science and logic.

I do love a bit of traditional Celtic Mystasism both of the Solomisers we have talke to are happy to encorporate elements of this.

eviltwin

Some people will question you using any non traditional celebrant if you don't have an obvious connection with that particular philosophy. Ironically a lot of these same people will have no such issues with non believers having a church wedding. Be prepared for a few comments, we had loads of criticism for going non religious. Stick to your guns though, it will be worth it.

Shybride2016

eviltwin wrote: »

Some people will question you using any non traditional celebrant if you don't have an obvious connection with that particular philosophy. Ironically a lot of these same people will have no such issues with non believers having a church wedding. Be prepared for a few comments, we had loads of criticism for going non religious. Stick to your guns though, it will be worth it.

Sorry to hear you were criticised for your choices. We thankfully had no such comments but if anyone had said anything they would have been told they were not welcome anymore.

What is it that drives normally sane people to make inappropriate comments when it comes to weddings?!

Walter H Price

eviltwin wrote: »

Some people will question you using any non traditional celebrant if you don't have an obvious connection with that particular philosophy. Ironically a lot of these same people will have no such issues with non believers having a church wedding. Be prepared for a few comments, we had loads of criticism for going non religious. Stick to your guns though, it will be worth it.

That's happened already my folks are totaly fine their athiests anyway i was only baptised because my granny insisted so no issue their , My Fiance is from a very untraditional single parent family but her half sister has already been kinda put out that we are considering going non religious.

Tbh i would be laughing off any criticism from our friends and family because other than 1 or 2 exceptions no one we know is in the least bit religious.

Princess Peach

We are having a sort of celtic style ceremony next week

Doing the hand fastening in the ceremony with ribbons, I think its a nice way to get family involved. And our celebrant will do a Celtic blessing at the end.

So many readings you could have too. We have a one from Bob Marley, and a WH Auden poem, and we are incorporating some nice quotes from books and films in our vows.

I like the flexibility you are allowed in a non religious ceremony, you can really be creative and make it your own.

Atomic Pineapple

Humanism Irelands Wedding FAQ is pretty good reading to see if a Humanist wedding is for you - http://humanism.ie/2015/05/faq-about-humanist-weddings/

Remember that there cannot be anything religious in the ceremony at all, that is the only real restriction. We are having a ring warming ceremony, handfasting and a sand ceremony in ours.

Walter H Price

Princess Peach wrote: »

We are having a sort of celtic style ceremony next week

Doing the hand fastening in the ceremony with ribbons, I think its a nice way to get family involved. And our celebrant will do a Celtic blessing at the end.

So many readings you could have too. We have a one from Bob Marley, and a WH Auden poem, and we are incorporating some nice quotes from books and films in our vows.

I like the flexibility you are allowed in a non religious ceremony, you can really be creative and make it your own.

Yeh the celtic stuff really appeals to me i loved all the old legends when i was a kid , im big into my family heritage (ive an old irish surname) , my ring im having custom made will be a band of Trinity Knots which again i love the symbolism and meaning behing. i think the hands fastening is incredibly romantic and unique, and the humanisits we have spoken to are more than happy to accomodate this.

I alread have some celtic poems and songs in mind for potential reading and wedding music and am looking into the possibility of having a Harpist or OIlean piper during the ceremony

Walter H Price

Atomic Pineapple wrote: »

Humanism Irelands Wedding FAQ is pretty good reading to see if a Humanist wedding is for you - http://humanism.ie/2015/05/faq-about-humanist-weddings/

Remember that there cannot be anything religious in the ceremony at all, that is the only real restriction. We are having a ring warming ceremony, handfasting and a sand ceremony in ours.

what is a ring warming ?

SarahMollie

Walter H Price wrote: »

what is a ring warming ?

Its where you pass your rings around amount your guests before you exchange them. Supposed to give the rings positive energy or some such.

Walter H Price

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Do you actually agree with Humanist beliefs? If not, then having a Humanist ceremony is just as two faced as having a Christian ceremony would be.
.

Having read up on Humanism , its hard for me to argue with any of their thinking , logic and science over dogma and oppression any day for me. i supported Marriage equality , repealing the 8th and chucking the church out of state education so i see no conflict of principles here.

Hard to argue with equality , dignity , respect and you know human rights :P

Atomic Pineapple

As above it's where the rings will be passed among the crowd during the first part of the ceremony and each person, we aren't doing it for any other reason other than an attempt to include as many people as possible.

Walter H Price

Atomic Pineapple wrote: »

As above it's where the rings will be passed among the crowd during the first part of the ceremony and each person, we aren't doing it for any other reason other than an attempt to include as many people as possible.

yeh it sounds kinda cool are you having alot of guests ? or is it more suited for small intimate cermonies , like will probibly have between 110 and 120 ppl

But i do really like the idea

GingerLily

Atomic Pineapple wrote: »

As above it's where the rings will be passed among the crowd during the first part of the ceremony and each person, we aren't doing it for any other reason other than an attempt to include as many people as possible.

We're having a standing ceremony outdoors, I don't think this would be safe for us!