Not being invited

Rallycrazygirl

Am I Being petty. I'm in mid 30s and have had the same group of friends from school. We all meet up for dinner and drinks during the year. And also meet up in town and talk and text regularly. Out of the five of us 4 are married includes myself. I was first to get married just over 11 years ago. When I got married I invited all friends and partners and kids.
The next to get married was about 6 years ago and then 5 years ago and the last was married last week. I'm very upset as I wasn't invited to the wedding six years ago and the next wedding I was invited to the afters by Facebook like an event nothing personal. Last weeks wedding I wasn't invited to either. Even though my so called friend had told me months ago to save the date. I had bought the dress organised babysitter etc. but got no invite even though the rest of the group where invited. Am I over reacting

eviltwin

Did you ask her why you weren't invited?

Rallycrazygirl

I just hoped it was an oversight but other girls had there invites weeks ago. Anytime I've met her in last few weeks she's changed topic of wedding , I even had told her that I had booked hotel when she told me to save the date. I texted her on eve of wedding to wish her the best and got no reply. We hadn't fallen out or anything so can't understand it.

bee06

It's very weird that she invited everyone else and not you. Would you talk to her regularly one to one?

h2005

Maybe you are not as close as you think?

Rallycrazygirl

Obviously not as close as I thought was very upset day of wedding. Would go for coffee every couple of weeks and visit each other's houses. Have been friends since we were 4 whole way up through primary and secondary school and college. And in 20's and 30's. Other girls in group we became friends with in secondary school.
Couple weeks ago I was out for a coffee with my mum and they were all there I wasn't asked so was quiet embarrassed to walk in on them together. I've asked the other girls did I do something and they said no.
I had bought wedding present and was going to drop it over today , my mum said not too

sadie1502

If you know her that long you should be able to ask straight out why you weren't invited. It sounds odd the whole dynamics like they are trying to push you out. Very childish. Really women can be so bitchy.

Ruby31

Rallycrazygirl wrote: »

Obviously not as close as I thought was very upset day of wedding. Would go for coffee every couple of weeks and visit each other's houses. Have been friends since we were 4 whole way up through primary and secondary school and college. And in 20's and 30's. Other girls in group we became friends with in secondary school.
Couple weeks ago I was out for a coffee with my mum and they were all there I wasn't asked so was quiet embarrassed to walk in on them together. I've asked the other girls did I do something and they said no.
I had bought wedding present and was going to drop it over today , my mum said not too

That's really odd. You'll have to ask the bride herself why she told you to save the date, but then no invite. If you don't talk to her, you'll drive yourself mad. Easy for me to dole out advice and I know I'd find it very difficult to do that myself, but it's the only way to get a straight answer. I feel for you. It's very strange. I wonder if she realised after she verbally invited you that she couldn't afford to have so many guests and was too embarrassed to have to tell you, so did the cowardly thing and said nothing? What did they say to you when you bumped into them in the coffee shop?

corkgirl17

If that was me I would be finding new friends. Do not drop over a present, return it and buy yourself something nice. Life's too short to waste time on people like that.

lazygal

corkgirl17 wrote: »

If that was me I would be finding new friends. Do not drop over a present, return it and buy yourself something nice. Life's too short to waste time on people like that.

This. I've come to realise some friendships aren't worth the bother. I regret the head space I spent on analysing why a friend dropped me a few years ago. She wasn't worth the worry and I decided not to pander to her nonsense.

Rachiee

Normally i would be like ow well budgets etc you never know bit if all other friends we invited and considering how long you are friends id be pretty hurt too. I think its worth asking.

Rallycrazygirl

i Phoned her was going to drop over present and ask her then , but she's going for dinner with the rest of the girls who were at the wedding am so upset by all of there behaviour. I feel like a spare wheel and so used. I know weddings are expensive and that everyone can't be invited but to be told you are invited and then not is heart and soul destroying.

Rallycrazygirl

They apparently bumped into each other at the cafe but have found out that the meet up there regularly . I said to her when i was told to save the date that if she had to cut numbers for whatever reason I would understand as I know how expensive and tight things can get. But have heard on the grapevine that she paid for rooms for other girls as it was in 5 star hotel and she didn't want to burden them with the costs as they have small kids. Which makes me feel worse that it's not budget.

corkgirl17

I think you've gotten your answer there. As much as it hurts now, you will be happier in the long run without them in your life. Time to ring up some of your real friends and paint the town red and try put them out of your mind. And if any of them ring you in the future, tell them you're busy and hang up. Block their numbers and defriend on social media.

StringerBell

Something must have happened in between you receiving a save the date card and the no wedding invite surely? Poor form not to tell you of course but I would certainly just ask straight out if I was in your shoes.

bigpink

Ask them all straight out.send a facebook or whatsapp group messgae to the five and ask why they are being so cold

bigpink

Surely ye were all chatting about the wedding to the lead up?Hen night?

childsplay

I have had similar experiences with "so called" friends before and it does hurt. But in the end l realised that no friend would do hurtful things to me. People who do that are just plain toxic and you're going to be better off without them in the long term. You don't need people like that in your world. Life is too bloody short and you deserve better. Take your Mother's sage advise, and don't give this girl the gift. Return it and buy yourself a gift!

Rallycrazygirl

I've just texted her and the rest of them to ask what's going on and why I'm being blanked and why I wasn't asked to any of there weddings when I included them in mine forgot to mention at start two of them where my bridesmaids and one of there daughters was my flower girl though we were so close. The girl who got married last week lived in my house for 5 months when she broke up with the father of her daughter rent free and free food. And when she lost her job I helped her out and never took anything in return even set her up in new job.
I'll just have to accept that I've been used and have fool written all over me.

takola

Honestly, I don't know if budget worries would be a good enough excuse for not inviting me, if I'd been friends with someone since we were 4 and we were still close enough to be seeing each other monthly. In fact, I'm not sure any excuse would work for me. After all, the others were invited so at the very least you're going to hear that she prioritised them over you. Even if budget was a problem, there was bound to be someone else she could have left out so you could attend. It's only two extra people.

Obviously, I can only speak for myself and what I would do in this situation, but I wouldn't be asking questions. I would be returning the gift like suggested and buying myself something nice. I would also be letting her know that I was extremely hurt and confused by her not inviting me, especially after the verbal invitation had been given and she knew I had booked a hotel etc. And then I'd be making it clear that I had obviously valued our friendship far more that she, or the other girls had. And I would be cutting them all loose. I wouldn't only be angry with her, I'd be angry with the group because they're clearly fine with leaving you out of their plans.

I know it's extremely hurtful, especially after so many years of friendship but you deserve better than how they are treating you at the moment. Sometimes, for your own piece of mind it's healthier to just walk away from these situations. I had a very close friend I had to do the same with a couple of years ago. It was devastating at the time as we'd been the closest of friends for over 15 years but I can honestly say I'm better off having come out the other side.

Rallycrazygirl

She didn't have a hen night went away with her mother and sisters and daughter to Portugal. She's been avoiding taking about wedding with me last few times I met her. Last day I met her said I was really looking forward to it but got nothing in return , I was trying to see what she would say in return.


😥😥😥😥😥😥😥 am heartbroken just got a text to say not to text any of them again that I'm attention seeking and to get over not being invited that they had a great time without me

bigpink

Rallycrazygirl wrote: »

She didn't have a hen night went away with her mother and sisters and daughter to Portugal. She's been avoiding taking about wedding with me last few times I met her. Last day I met her said I was really looking forward to it but got nothing in return , I was trying to see what she would say in return.


😥😥😥😥😥😥😥 am heartbroken just got a text to say not to text any of them again that I'm attention seeking and to get over not being invited that they had a great time without me

The bride txt you that?

corner of hells

corkgirl17 wrote: »

I think you've gotten your answer there. As much as it hurts now, you will be happier in the long run without them in your life. Time to ring up some of your real friends and paint the town red and try put them out of your mind. And if any of them ring you in the future, tell them you're busy and hang up. Block their numbers and defriend on social media.

OP , I think this is the best answer and forget about them.

Rallycrazygirl

Thank you for all replies , heart is torn here and breaking

bee06

Rallycrazygirl wrote: »

She didn't have a hen night went away with her mother and sisters and daughter to Portugal. She's been avoiding taking about wedding with me last few times I met her. Last day I met her said I was really looking forward to it but got nothing in return , I was trying to see what she would say in return.


😥😥😥😥😥😥😥 am heartbroken just got a text to say not to text any of them again that I'm attention seeking and to get over not being invited that they had a great time without me

Jeez, what a bunch of b*tches. You need to break contact now and just put this behind you.

TheAnalyst_

lol. Pathetic little bogger cliques. Even more so when they're mid 30s and still act like that. Good luck to them.

Head up OP, you don't need these people in your life.

Rallycrazygirl

I got the same text from bride and one of the others

bigpink

Nasty people hope karma fcuks them over

Rallycrazygirl

Thanks for all advice and definitely going to rake it. Going to return present in morning and buy myself something nice. Ive just blocked them all on social media and there phone numbers. I'm not going to lower myself and even text them back. 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥

Jimbob1977

Can you think of any reason, no matter how trivial, why you might have been excluded?

Could another of your friends have issued an ultimatum to the bride.... aka 'If she goes, I'm not coming'. Because of some incident, gossip or perceived sleight....

Getting cut out for no reason is very, very strange.

I know you're agonising over this. It's not right. You need closure. Maybe bridges can be repaired or the relationship has run its course.

I'm speaking from a male perspective.

charlietheminxx

It's horrific that they've treated you like this but you do not need friends like that. I would give you a hug if I could! Bunch of total bitches. Sometimes cliques of women seem to have this issue, I don't even understand why it happens but I've seen it a few times.

They don't sound like nice people. You seem warm and thoughtful and deserve better than this OP.

SCOOP 64

Cant help thinking there's something missing out of this as they are acting so horribly too you.

takola

Rallycrazygirl wrote: »

I got the same text from bride and one of the others

What a bunch of toxic little bitches. I'm sorry you've wasted so much of your time and effort on these people, they clearly never deserved it. Delete their numbers, delete them from social media and when they come back (because they eventually will), make sure to tell them you'd hate to take their attention from themselves.

Estrellita

Don't normally post here, saw the title on the main page..

Rallycrazygirl wrote: »

😥😥😥😥😥😥😥 am heartbroken just got a text to say not to text any of them again that I'm attention seeking and to get over not being invited that they had a great time without me

They sound like 'friends' you could do without. They put me in mind of the b.itchy friends in Muriel's Wedding. They deserve each other. You weren't attention seeking, you just asked for an honest answer.

It doesn't feel like it now, but your life is already a million times better without those two-faced cows in it. Chin up girl.

Tasden

Rallycrazygirl wrote: »

They apparently bumped into each other at the cafe but have found out that the meet up there regularly . I said to her when i was told to save the date that if she had to cut numbers for whatever reason I would understand as I know how expensive and tight things can get. But have heard on the grapevine that she paid for rooms for other girls as it was in 5 star hotel and she didn't want to burden them with the costs as they have small kids. Which makes me feel worse that it's not budget.

Honestly this seems a bit of a strange thing to say upon being told to save the date "Oh well if budgets are tight you can count me out" basically. Any chance it was taken up the wrong way?

intheclouds

Bunch of *****. Not even the balls to tell you what the story is.

Forget them. Make new friends. I guarantee you that one if them will contact you down the line cos same has happened to her. There's one ****er running the show here and the rest following her. Cut them out like a tumor and move on.

It's hard but remember, people willing to behave like this aren't worth it.

Rallycrazygirl

There's been no fall outs, fights,gossiping etc that I'm aware of.

I think friendships are over that's if they were ever really my friends should have broken loose after first wedding not being invited too. But still gave presents to them aswell, maybe they said sure don't invite her and you'll still get the present sure she's a softy and won't say anything.

corkgirl17

What goes around comes around. For women in their 30s they should be ashamed of themselves. Teenage behaviour! Sorry you're going through this, think a bottle of wine and a big bar of chocolate is needed.

Rallycrazygirl

To scoop 64 thanks for reply. I though we were all best friends people always commenting how they'd love to still be so close to there friends as we were. Drinks dinner holidays kids etc. can't believe that I was so wrong.

Thank you to everyone else who has replied as well feeling loved

takola

Rallycrazygirl wrote: »

There's been no fall outs, fights,gossiping etc that I'm aware of.

I think friendships are over that's if they were ever really my friends should have broken loose after first wedding not being invited too. But still gave presents to them aswell, maybe they said sure don't invite her and you'll still get the present sure she's a softy and won't say anything.

Out of curiousity, what did you do when you weren't invited to the first? Did you demand a reason? You're clearly more patient than I am, I would have cut them loose at that point.

Jimbob1977

Jimbob1977 wrote: »

Can you think of any reason, no matter how trivial, why you might have been excluded?

Could another of your friends have issued an ultimatum to the bride.... aka 'If she goes, I'm not coming'. Because of some incident, gossip or perceived sleight....

Getting cut out for no reason is very, very strange.

I know you're agonising over this. It's not right. You need closure. Maybe bridges can be repaired or the relationship has run its course.

I'm speaking from a male perspective.

You can't advise from a male point of view. This sort of thing never happens among males. My advice to the OP would be to give the gift with your best wishes - be the bigger person, if you will. That nonsense of return it and buy yourself something nice is just getting yourself a constant reminder.

Speedwell

Deleted User wrote: »

You can't advise from a male point of view. This sort of thing never happens among males. My advice to the OP would be to give the gift with your best wishes - be the bigger person, if you will. That nonsense of return it and buy yourself something nice is just getting yourself a constant reminder.

No reason to give any of those cats anything but a view of your back walking away. Giving the nasty little bride a gift would be like asking for further mistreatment. She should return the gift and put the money back in the bank and use it for something routine like the rubbish bin bill.

eviltwin

Deleted User wrote: »

You can't advise from a male point of view. This sort of thing never happens among males. My advice to the OP would be to give the gift with your best wishes - be the bigger person, if you will. That nonsense of return it and buy yourself something nice is just getting yourself a constant reminder.

Why would you give a gift to someone who treated you like dirt? Have a bit of self respect.

lazygal

corkgirl17 wrote: »

What goes around comes around. For women in their 30s they should be ashamed of themselves. Teenage behaviour! Sorry you're going through this, think a bottle of wine and a big bar of chocolate is needed.

When I was younger I thought there'd be no silliness among friends when we were older and we'd all be mature and leave the teenage crap behind us. The older I get the more I realise some people are just plain weird and you're better off without them.

Op I feel so bad for you.

SteM

bigpink wrote: »

Ask them all straight out.send a facebook or whatsapp group messgae to the five and ask why they are being so cold

Why do people think it's okay to sort out incredibly personal stuff by Facebook or messaging Its not. If you're going to contact the bride or your 'friends' about this do it face to face.

bigpink

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You can't advise from a male point of view. This sort of thing never happens among males. My advice to the OP would be to give the gift with your best wishes - be the bigger person, if you will. That nonsense of return it and buy yourself something nice is just getting yourself a constant reminder.

Yes he can give a view.

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

Why would you give a gift to someone who treated you like dirt? Have a bit of self respect.

Because it will be a permanent reminder of what she did.

Speedwell

Deleted User wrote: »

Because it will be a permanent reminder of what she did.

You mean remind the bride of her bad conduct? Honey. That little cat doesn't even care. You think she's going to keep a gift from the rejected girl on her mantelpiece as a constant source of shame?

bigpink

SteM wrote: »

Why do people think it's okay to sort out incredibly personal stuff by Facebook or messaging Its not. If you're going to contact the bride or your 'friends' about this do it face to face.

As in they all get question amd message and cant run away

eviltwin

Deleted User wrote: »

Because it will be a permanent reminder of what she did.

I don't think the bride is going to care anyway gift or not. I'd second what Speedwell said, return it and let the money cover a bill.

corkgirl17

Deleted User wrote:

You can't advise from a male point of view. This sort of thing never happens among males. My advice to the OP would be to give the gift with your best wishes - be the bigger person, if you will. That nonsense of return it and buy yourself something nice is just getting yourself a constant reminder.

If she gave a gift after the text she received from the bride she would come across as a total doormat. Why should she give her a gift and be the bigger person?? No chance, she's being a bigger person by just cutting them all off and moving on.