Can't stand to see nephew successful.

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm a mid 50 year old, and i can't stand to see my nephew successful, after what happened to me during the recession. He is a 25 year old, who runs his own web development firm, and is making an absolute killing. The cars, property and clothes he buys make me so envious of the life I was so close to.

I'm a builder by trade, and the recession destroyed me. I build up a decent portfolio of houses throughout the 90's and early 00. I had about 10 properties. One was my house, the others were investments that i got relativly cheap, compared to today's market. My home was mortgage free, and only about 2 or 3 of the investments had mortgages. Life was good. As a lot of people did, tried to make a fortune during the boom. Me and 2 others build a multi-million euro mansion.

I mortgaged all my properties to get finance, this was around 2006. The cost at the end was around 2M to build. We were asking for 6M (almost got this, but signs of the recession caused aa buyer to pull out) and had to sell for 1.1M in 2010 to keep the banks off us. The other lads are out of it now, having sold land and property to clear there debt, one of the other lads has a construction company back making around 100K in profit a year now.

I had to sell/ loose most of my properties to cover my debt and all I have left is a big mortgage on my house now. I'm back down the bottom of the ladder, doing labouring work for 500 euro a week and bar work on the weekends. Me and my wife just about cover the mortgage and bills, but seeing my nephew succeed really pisses me off for some strange reason. If we built the house 2 years earlier, we would of sold it and never had to work again.

I invested 150K in bank shares at the height of the boom, and now there worth a fraction of that. About 5k.

Sorry for the rant, I just need to get it off my chest.

Katgurl

What are the good things in your life? You have a wife and home anyway. Don't they make you happy? What else is good?

Don't be envious of his youth and carefree potential - we all had it and it'll be gone for him too. You never know what is going to happen in his life. If he's happy now and on top of the world, be happy for him, these times won't last forever, they never do.

You don't know what would have happened with the house situation if it had been two years earlier. You might have had a horrific accident and been disfigured, your wife might have left you - extreme examples but you know what I mean.

There's no point being bitter and resentful. You'll miss the good stuff as it's happening and only realise when it's gone. Enjoy what you have. You're only in your 50's, that's loads of time for more happy experiences.

Full Marx

You got greedy and got stung. You gambled. You have to deal with the consequences and accept them. Take personal responsibility for your foolhardy business dealings and don't transfer your anger at your situation to your nephew. A large reason the recession happened was because of greedy, gambling developers. You've no right to be bitter to anyone.

And be thankful. You still have a house and your family... And a job. Many didn't make it through and many others are living in hotels.

On a personal level you need to learn and appreciate the things in life that are not material because these are the most important - things like family, health etc. So what if someone has more money, or nicer clothes? Jealousy is the worst and it's good you are trying to address it.

bonyn

If your nephew was 10 years older, he might now be up to his eyeballs in debt just for buying a family home - because of the greed of bankers, speculators, developers and how to put it nicely PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

As it is, he's a young man who works hard to buy stuff many of your generation took for granted.

You had it all, and it wasn't enough.

And ya know what, your nephew may not be taking home much more than Eur500 pw either. You don't know his circumstances, loans, etc. You're doing fairly well and it still isn't enough.

Perhaps your nephew looks at you and thinks, what a greedy sod. I'll be happy with what I've got, and spend my money on things that make me happy.

Bigus

In reality if you had of gotten the 6 m sale over the line ,
you in all likelihood would have leveraged this and gone again ,and maybe borrowed 12 m, so even from a financial point of view you are actually better off than you realise.
Plus you're not dead from jumping off a bridge.
Instead of being resentful of your nephew , partner up with him to do some development, he has the cash and needs to diversify and you have he skills and experience.

Big Bag of Chips

You are still young enough to reskill. You're obviously an intelligent, entrepreneurial man. Why not try a different direction? Why not try programming or web development yourself? Your nephew, like you, is enjoying a mixture of luck, timing and hard work.

It's ironic that you begrudge him all the things that you had for so long. Maybe your own family members were looking at you with similar eyes! You obviously were extremely successful, and that gave you a comfort and an idea of how life was going to be forever more. You're not the only one fell from a height. But your nephew is young. He's only starting out. He had no affect on or input into your situation whatsoever.

I'm sensing you are an angry man. You are angry at a lot of things/people and your nephew is just the closest personification of it all to you. So he's the one you're focusing on. You had what he now has, and lost it all. Maybe instead of begrudging him, you could advise him on exercising caution and not getting too far ahead of himself. Who knows, if you do change direction towards IT, he'd be a good contact to have in your corner.

porsche boy

Stop being envious of your nephew and put your energy into improving your position. Don't get so greedy this time.

listermint

Bigus wrote: »

In reality if you had of gotten the 6 m sale over the line ,
you in all likelihood would have leveraged this and gone again ,and maybe borrowed 12 m, so even from a financial point of view you are actually better off than you realise.
Plus you're not dead from jumping off a bridge.
Instead of being resentful of your nephew , partner up with him to do some development, he has the cash and needs to diversify and you have he skills and experience.

You are not wrong.

There is no end to the greed. It would been a case of hey look 2 mill isn't enough let's go again.

OP you are kidding yourself if you ever thought it would have ended there.

And hey from what I can see small Construction is booming.

If you have a good team and good references you can be churning out projects easily.

Kirk Van Houten

If your happiness can only be gauged in relation to your wealth versus others then I'm not sure you will ever be happy.
It seems you were in a good situation, wanted more and the gamble didn't pay off. Nothing to do with your nephew. Focus on your own life and what's good, forget about others.

JellieBabie

I'm pretty pissed off too OP. I'm currently in a job which has a 3 tier pay scale where even though I have a Master's degree and first class honours in my initial BA I will earn approximately 240,000 euro less over my lifetime than the person next door. The person next door does the exact same job as me and gets allowances for their degrees on top of their regular salary. They may not even have as many qualifications as I do but they still earn more. I don't get any allowances for my training and education - all because I graduated later when the recession had hit.

I may never get permanency and if I want to apply for a mortgage I'll be laughed out the door. This is a legacy i have unfortunately inherited from people like you OP who had it all and wanted even more and couldn't assuage their greed. Think about that for a minute. The actions you took lost you all your investments yes. But they also had a knock on effect overall for people like me and your nephew. He's bloody lucky to be doing so well in this climate after the **** up developers and banks made of this country. The rest of us are struggling pretty badly because of people like you.

beks101

If you don't deal with this issue you'll lose your relationship with your nephew and very likely draw a riff in the family.

Money is money is money. You gambled and lost, and still managed to come out OK. Be an uncle to your nephew instead of some green-eyed monster that brings nothing but bitterness and negativity to his life. Help him to learn from your mistakes.

And see the situation for what it is. A smart young lad taking initiative and doing great things with his life. Money comes and goes. Family don't.

Call me Al

Firstly thumbs up for owning up to your resentment and jealousy of your nephew.

I agree with another poster though. You seem to be a very angry man and I can't help but feel that if your negative emotions weren't directed at him right now it'd be someone else.
You need to refocus your perspective. All your focus on the "if onlys" and "i hads" in the world is of no help to you now. In fact I think it's causing you more pain than your nephew's success. That was then and this is now. If you don't deal with this negative energy, that is by the sound of things sucking the joy out of your life, then you're never going to be happy.
Be happy for your nephew. Wish him well. It'll make you feel better in and of yourself. You are going to have to consciously change your outlook or you will spend the rest of your life a deeply unhappy and bitter man.

Eta I agree with the sentiment about money coming and going. I've seen a family win the lotto and lose it all in time. That money caused them nothing but heartache and ended tragically for one. You really need to refocus your perspective.

eviltwin

Honestly OP I think you should be grateful for what you have. You haven't done too badly, some people have lost everything. It's not your nephew's fault you didn't make a fortune and while it's all going well for him now who knows what challenges he may face in years to come. I understand it's hard to look at what might have been but you need to get past it and focus on where you are. You have your home and family you're surviving. You're luckier than you realise.

TheAnalyst_

You should be bowing to your nephew. He's actually doing something and making a go of it. You were just another labourer that had the good fortune to be the right age and working during a ridiculous property/credit bubble. The 500 quid a week is more than you deserve tbh.

bonyn

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

The 500 quid a week is more than you deserve tbh.

Bit harsh, but for all we know there's a strong element of poormouthing.. like, maybe it's a bit more than 500, maybe 500 is the take-home pay rather than the gross wage, maybe the pub hours are another 200 cash ... maybe the op doesn't have long hours or a crushing and expensive commute. There's a lot to be said about being grateful with what you've got- it can always get worse.

another36

Agree with everyone that has said be thankful for what you do have.

You took a huge risk it didn't pay off. That's life!
Move on! Being envious won't hurt anyone only yourself.

The recession has hurt a lot of people but you woke up this morning you have a home a job and a family.

Noo

This thread angers me. Its was the greedy bankers and lending and developers which lead to the recession which was NOTHING to do with your nephews generation, yet his generation have also had to deal with the consequences as well as your generation. I'm only a couple years older than your nephew and the recession hit when i was halfway through college. I spent months working unpaid and eventually was left with no choice but to emigrate, like the majority of my graduation class. Few have returned.

My granny has watched 5 of her 7 grandchildren over 18 have to leave. I know a mother who had to say goodbye to 6 of her 7 children, along with all her 10 grandchildren. Your nephew has done extremely well to be where he is given that state of the economy your generation has left for him.

You should stop being bitter and start being proud. You were sucessful during the boom, he has become successful in the recession your generation left for him. He deserves all the success he gets.

retro:electro

You're taking home €500 a week, some people would kill to be taking that wage home weekly. Be thankful you got out of your situation as well as you did. If you have your health and your family is still intact, then you've won. A lot of people/families didn't make it through situations akin to yours. You still sound like you have a lot of greed in you, the same greed that landed you in the mess you're now cleaning up after. You'd want to be careful you don't end up in another mess again.

Turtle_

OP you come across as a nasty piece of work. How dare you complain about what you earn, it's almost twice what I earn, and my earnings are so low because of people like YOU. Despite your best efforts to screw over my (and your nephews generation) he's doing well.
Shame on you.

December2012

If you are legitimately wondering how to stop feeling jealous of your nephew then that will require work and introspection.

Maybe it is because he has what you feel you don't - potential and time to make money.

he has the right skill set to find work now. You did in the boom.

I think you are angry at yourself and very uneasy with the choices you made financially and your nephew is your target.

So next time you find yourself feeling jealous of him you should immediately stop yourself and say "isn't it great that he is doing well. He is a credit to the family and I am happy for him".

Rekop dog

What you did was incredibly stupid, lacking an sort of risk awareness or business nous. You deserved everything that came to you. I'm sure your nephew has made far better decisions to get where he is now so you should try sponge as much information from him on running a sustainable business if you plan on another venture. He can be a great source of education for you.

Leafchick

'

Very honest post but it sounds like you're taking no personal responsibility and really at this point years later you need to take steps to try to get over this and look at the positives or you're going to spend the rest of your life being jealous and begrudging people you perceive to be better off than you.

I can understand posters anger towards you here because it's true that greed like what you showed is the reason that so many others who weren't greedy had to suffer also.

Loads of people have thoughts like "If I'd only done this during the boom or not done that then I'd be set up nicely" but really you will drive yourself crazy if you can't find a way to get over this.

I assume that's really what your rant is all about, trying to find a way to deal with it. Could you try something like CBT to try to focus on the positives rather than the negatives and to get over the obsessive what ifs?

evolving_doors

fustrated323043rf wrote: »

Hi, I'm a mid 50 year old, and i can't stand to see my nephew successful, after what happened to me during the recession. He is a 25 year old, who runs his own web development firm, and is making an absolute killing. The cars, property and clothes he buys make me so envious of the life I was so close to.

I'm a builder by trade, and the recession destroyed me. I build up a decent portfolio of houses throughout the 90's and early 00. I had about 10 properties. One was my house, the others were investments that i got relativly cheap, compared to today's market. My home was mortgage free, and only about 2 or 3 of the investments had mortgages. Life was good. As a lot of people did, tried to make a fortune during the boom. Me and 2 others build a multi-million euro mansion.

I mortgaged all my properties to get finance, this was around 2006. The cost at the end was around 2M to build. We were asking for 6M (almost got this, but signs of the recession caused aa buyer to pull out) and had to sell for 1.1M in 2010 to keep the banks off us. The other lads are out of it now, having sold land and property to clear there debt, one of the other lads has a construction company back making around 100K in profit a year now.

I had to sell/ loose most of my properties to cover my debt and all I have left is a big mortgage on my house now. I'm back down the bottom of the ladder, doing labouring work for 500 euro a week and bar work on the weekends. Me and my wife just about cover the mortgage and bills, but seeing my nephew succeed really pisses me off for some strange reason. If we built the house 2 years earlier, we would of sold it and never had to work again.

I invested 150K in bank shares at the height of the boom, and now there worth a fraction of that. About 5k.

Sorry for the rant, I just need to get it off my chest.

Grass is always greener op. I have a feeling if all your deals had paid off you'd have probably been enticed into a riskier investment to make more money etc.
You seem like an ambitious guy though, you might be able to spot a handy doerupper and go in with someone again!
You have a great gift working with your hands btw, I'd kill for the opportunity to be working around creating houses for people's lives rather than in IT like yer nephew.

Anyhow I kinda know how you feel, I was jealous of an acquaintance years ago, making a mint abroad etc. he got very sick and doesn't even recognise his wife or kids now, so really I realised you think other people have it so good but when they close their front door at the end of the day they can be wishing they were you.

Ursus Horribilis

There will always be people who seem to be doing better than you are. We all know them - the ones who are better looking, have more money, a nicer car, a better job etc. Even though your nephew's doing well at 25, there's no guarantee that his business won't go tits up in the future or he'll make bad investments. These things come and go.

What you'd be better off doing is focusing on your own life and seeing is there anything you can still do at this stage of your life to improve your lot. Have you ever gone for professional financial advice? Would you still be able to set up a new business of your own at this stage? Or as Gebgbegb has suggested, find a doer-upper. The property market seems to be slowly getting back onto its feet again after the crash so opportunities are still there.

myshirt

Op, I followed somewhat of a similar path to you. Had a successful enough time as a solicitor, dipped my toe in a few things just as you did and enjoyed life.

Recession hit.

Things were tough, was down to my last twenty grand at one stage, had to cut back the holidays from 3 to just 1, and had to sell my weekend car.

Totally changed my life and I retrained as a Chartered Accountant, on low wages. I say to you count your blessings and not your problems. Don't compare your chapter 16 to his Chapter 4. There are ups and downs in this life, you know that at 50. Keep moving and keep positive as best you can.

Clampdown

You have 2 jobs, a family, a house, and at least at one time had substantial money. Maybe try being grateful for those blessings instead of being envious of others.

Plenty of people hit by the recession now have none of those things and plenty never had them ever.

Wesser

myshirt wrote: »

Op, I followed somewhat of a similar path to you. Had a successful enough time as a solicitor, dipped my toe in a few things just as you did and enjoyed life.

Recession hit.

Things were tough, was down to my last twenty grand at one stage, had to cut back the holidays from 3 to just 1, and had to sell my weekend car.

Totally changed my life and I retrained as a Chartered Accountant, on low wages. I say to you count your blessings and not your problems. Don't compare your chapter 16 to his Chapter 4. There are ups and downs in this life, you know that at 50. Keep moving and keep positive as best you can.

This actually reads like a Ross o Carroll Kelly headline on the Irish times website.

LegacyUser

"Don't compare your chapter 16 to his Chapter 4."

Fantastic line.

I'm 33. A civil engineer (degree qualified) with a Masters.Lost my job in the recession after about 5 years in the job. Have only just -only just - managed to get back somewhere around the pay that I was on aged 27 (I'm still a bit short of it). It's barely the "average" salary, it's not in the same field, it's a dead end job and I'm at a complete loss as to what to do next (contract position). Kids have come, life has become more expensive and I need to earn more money but it's not going to happen in this field.

The flip side? I went into college from the LC in 2001. Construction was booming. IT was dead in the water. The dot.com bubble had burst not that long ago, we were all told not to touch IT with a barge pole. That was the message coming from everywhere. Didn't matter that much to me because I was always going to go to engineering, but still.

S&*t happens OP. I get bitter too - really bitter - but you know what, you have to keep going.I remind myself of what the headlines were 10 years ago on that stuff, today it's construction, tomorrow it could well be IT again. Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

LegacyUser

Your friend setup a construction company with a profit of 100k per year, good for him.

You are a hard working builder for sure but I'm not seeing any business skills at all, not like your friend. You are a labourer who just got lucky at the right time, you gambled by leveraging and it worked a long while and then you lost.

Don't dwell on the luxury property because if you sold it you have continued to gamble and had an even more spectacular loss. That property wasn't "one last score", you were going to get burned sometime.

You have your family, your house and 500 per week is a tidy sum. Be grateful for what you have and let the jealously go.

By the way if your 25 year old nephew was 35 he'd probably be up to his eyeballs in debt for purchasing his first home while the likes of you had ten!

thegreatgonzo

fustrated323043rf wrote: »

Hi, I'm a mid 50 year old, and i can't stand to see my nephew successful, after what happened to me during the recession...If we built the house 2 years earlier, we would of sold it and never had to work again.

OP you really need a reality check. There are thousands and thousands of people in this country that have been affected by the recession who were unwitting bystanders in the collapse of the economy. I lost my job my job in the downturn, but I consider myself one of the lucky ones because I had the means to re-skill.
I'm earning a pittance now and working twice as hard. I would be laughed at if I tried to get a mortgage. Because I have to work long hours and live in a rural area I don't have much of a social life either. So you could even say OP that the recession has affected my chances of starting my own family while I'm still young enough. So if I were you I'd start counting my blessings and learning from my mistakes.

ted1

another36 wrote: »

The recession has hurt a lot of people but you woke up this morning you have a home a job and a family.

But for those that didn't take risks seems up picking up the tab for people like you

ManOfMystery

OP, you HAVE to take responsibility for your own actions.

You made money. You had properties. You were successful. But greed played a large part in all that success, and greed (and banks) was also to blame for the recession happening in the first place. You had a hand in that, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. They were your choices, no-one else's.

You know what? There's nothing sadder than that guy who stands and spouts "I could have been a contender ........... if not for X, Y and Z ..........". And I don't mean sad in the sense of incurring sympathy from others; I mean it in the sense that it's pathetic. Nothing worse than seeing that chip on someone's shoulder because everyone around them didn't suffer the same downfall they did.

What happened, happened. Some of it you only have yourself to blame for, some of it you couldn't avoid. Tough - that's life. 'Fairness' doesn't come into it; you do the best with what you have and take each day as it's comes. No offence to religious people on here but I don't believe there's any old guy with a beard saying "ah shure johny there worked his arse off for 30 years, time he had a break".

You might have lost out financially - to a degree - but you're still much better off than a lot of people who went into the recession with nothing and came out with even less. This is not your nephew's fault or responsibility, and if you cared in any way about him you should be glad to see a family member making a success of things. He's employing people, yes? He's making money, yes? Well all that will ultimately get pumped back into the economy and that can only be a good thing for him, for you and for everybody else.

myshirt

Wesser wrote: »

This actually reads like a Ross o Carroll Kelly headline on the Irish times website.

All true bar the 20 grand, holidays and all that. The point is in the light hearted irony of this, the lesson learned; we should not to be so ridiculous about the impact of his life business on us. Sometimes we have to have perspective.

There's no doubting these changes have affected the op though, so people shouldn't be as heavy handed, but op I would say to you that it's not so much what's happening in the world with young lads getting on like this, but more the issue is the lens through which you are viewing it. Think of it this way, you got a fair shake, you had good times, you'll have bad. You win some, you lose some. Keep moving ahead regardless.

Best wishes.

alias06

Your nephew in the IT industry will come a cropper sooner or later too. All those industries are subject to boom and bust. You'll be more sensible with money next time around (I hope). Besides most of us never get to touch the sort of money you had, yet we have to bail out all the developers and bankers who lost the plot and made stupid decisions. Its called capitalism, but it only applies to the little fella.

In the meantime, you should have learned to stop pursuing materialism as the be all and end all. It doesn't make you happy and its most mostly a con game that depends heavily on exploitation and injustice.

robbiezero

alias06 wrote: »

Your nephew in the IT industry will come a cropper sooner or later too. All those industries are subject to boom and bust. You'll be more sensible with money next time around (I hope). Besides most of us never get to touch the sort of money you had, yet we have to bail out all the developers and bankers who lost the plot and made stupid decisions. Its called capitalism, but it only applies to the little fella.

In the meantime, you should have learned to stop pursuing materialism as the be all and end all. It doesn't make you happy and its most mostly a con game that depends heavily on exploitation and injustice.

He may well not. People who were young like him and grew up through the recession got a very valuable lesson about being greedy and over-leveraged. He may well be investing lots of his money wisely.

bonyn

robbiezero wrote: »

He may well not. People who were young like him and grew up through the recession got a very valuable lesson about being greedy and over-leveraged. He may well be investing lots of his money wisely.

+1
And if IT's his passion, he'll no doubt keep ahead of the curve.

Compare that to the gob****es back in the day who were bleeting "now's the time to invest" in 2008 when property prices dipped the first 15-20%, and whose only passion was money. "I'm telling ya, Turkish property! 3 bed duplex with a communal swimming pool. Value will skyrocket when ryanair open a route."

Oh God, remember all the experts in geared property!

Rubberchikken

it's good that you were honest and admitted your feelings about your nephews life/style.
but it's a waste of energy and time imho and needs to be addressed so that you can move on with your life.

you took chances and invested when things were good. some people do that and if done properly, people benefit.
the recession happened and bad things happened, but there were recessions before and people survived.

if you're earning 500 a week then that's good. i don't begrudge you it. wish i was but that's another story.
filling yourself with jealousy for someone else is truly a waste of time and energy. you were 25 once. you had your chances then and made your decisions etc. it's his turn to be 25 and living the life he wants and is lucky to have. don't begrudge him that.

valoren

Can you use your experience as a cautionary tale for him not to over-leverage himself, make hay while the sun shines etc etc.
It sounds like he is squandering his success on clothes, cars etc.
Isn't that the whole point of experience and youth seeking the wisdom of their elders?
It could be a case of your nephew experiencing a bull market and mistaking this for brains.
He was still in school during the credit crunch and the subsequent recession.
How will the enterprises fare when the next downturn occurs. It will happen. In time.

Successful people are the ones who talk to and study those who have succeeded.
More importantly, the most successful people also talk to and study those who tried to succeed but failed.

You made mistakes. Que sera sera. Would those mistakes have been mitigated if you had a relative who had tried, succeeded but ultimately failed? Remember this "If is an obstacle that stands in your way, and if it wasn't for If, you'd be happy today". Focus on the future, the past is the past and can't be changed.

Your post screams of crab mentality i.e. if you can't be successful and wealthy then neither should your nephew.
I would guess that were your nephew to hit a rough patch financially or if he failed in his endeavour's then there would be an element of schadenfreude from you. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves an Uncle that supports, encourages and advises him. If he is clever then he will know of your situation. He should talk to you for advice.
If he truly is smart then he will heed your advice and will be better prepared for the next recession when it inevitably happens.

CdeC

OP I am mid 30's guy, single. 3 years after I finished college in 2006 I started looking at houses. I had a contract job and the smallest dump was waaaaayyyy out of my price range.
The crash happened. I lost my job, 4 times. Was just keeping my head above water and went back to college and did two qualifications at the same time to try and up skill.

I am now working again but at a relatively low income. I probably will never be able to get a mortgage now because when I save up a deposit my age will be against me.
People like you make me sick. you had 10 properties !!!! How many people like you were around. When people in the middle need a place to live and call home we are constantly looking over our shoulder as we could be moved on from a rental and have no security. You and your mates would run this country into the ground again if you had half a chance. Judging by the way things are going your pals in FF will be back in business soon enough so you'll probably get to.

Housing in this country is an absolute joke.

5rtytry56

OP, your nephew may well have a certain shadenfreud for you.



Your behaviour is still like a miffed 16 year old male; somebody third your age. More personally, like many others in that time, I lost a considerable sum in the Eircom share debacle, back in 'dem days

-- but life goes on. go & smell the coffee.

evolving_doors

I dunno, I'd say fair fex to the OP, he's taking a good honest look at himself and saying that he doesn't like what he's feeling.

Let's face it, we can all get the jellys, but the first step in shaking it is acknowledging that it's not good.

LegacyUser

OP. The fact that you wouldn't put up a user name makes me think you're ashamed of what you're feeling and you should be. It's so petty of you to resent what your nephew is achieving its beyond belief. How could you not feel anything but proud of what your nephew is doing with his life. Will you also be feeling equally smug if his business does fail.
The fact that you had 9 properties on the go and let's say conservativly Ã႒¢â€šÂ¬600 per month on rent. That's Ã႒¢â€šÂ¬5400 a month income before tax. That's a lot more than the average wage was back then. If on the other hand you'd have sold all the properties. Then you probably wouldn't have had to work again and yet you jepordised it all due to pure greed.
I realise that the OP probably won't read all the way through this thread, maybe just the replys that are meant to make him feel better about himself. My advice would be to show this thread to you're family and see what their reaction is.

LegacyUser

OP here.

I have read every post here over the last couple of days.

I don't get why people are saying 500 a week is more than I deserve. Laboring is a tough job, and a **** job, so 500 is the least I deserve for doing it.

I didn't get lucky, I bought my first property outright, and remortgaged to build up my portfolio. I started a construction business's which cleared the mortgages on properties, and I closed it down (regretable as it was my bread and butter) to start a property development business. I only ever completed one project with it, financed by my mortgaged free properties. Unfortunately it bit me in the ass.

I don't hate my nephew, but I hate his success. I don't want to as he has a great entrepreneurial spirt, but I can't help feeling this way,

Turtle_

fustrated323043r wrote: »

OP here.

I have read every post here over the last couple of days.

I don't get why people are saying 500 a week is more than I deserve. Laboring is a tough job, and a **** job, so 500 is the least I deserve for doing it.

I didn't get lucky, I bought my first property outright, and remortgaged to build up my portfolio. I started a construction business's which cleared the mortgages on properties, and I closed it down (regretable as it was my bread and butter) to start a property development business. I only ever completed one project with it, financed by my mortgaged free properties. Unfortunately it bit me in the ass.

I don't hate my nephew, but I hate his success. I don't want to as he has a great entrepreneurial spirt, but I can't help feeling this way,

You got lucky that your sector boomed for a while, and during that while you were the right age to be able to take advantage of it. That's luck- not of your doing.

You got greedy, closed down what you knew that was making you a living and gambled everything in the hopes of hitting the jackpot. Your luck ran out, and you lost the gamble.

So yeah, luck.

Sounds like your nephew is lucky to be the right age when IT is booming.. But it also sounds like he's a good deal better at what he does than others are. He's earning his income fair and square. He obviously worked hard in school, then college and now running his business.

Most people would love to be in his position, would envy him a bit. But you seem to want him to be miserable, poor and without prospects just because you lost a gamble.

Stop sulking and go appreciate what you have.

Kirk Van Houten

OP sounds as if you still believe your were just unlucky and life owes you something that you somehow believe your nephew now has. Stop trying to measure your happiness on how other people are doing - you will never be happy that way.

December2012

How are other things in your life OP?

How's your health, your marriage? How are you feeling as you're getting older?

Are you jealous of other things?

ManOfMystery

fustrated323043r wrote: »

OP here.

I have read every post here over the last couple of days.

I don't get why people are saying 500 a week is more than I deserve. Laboring is a tough job, and a **** job, so 500 is the least I deserve for doing it.

I didn't get lucky, I bought my first property outright, and remortgaged to build up my portfolio. I started a construction business's which cleared the mortgages on properties, and I closed it down (regretable as it was my bread and butter) to start a property development business. I only ever completed one project with it, financed by my mortgaged free properties. Unfortunately it bit me in the ass.

I don't hate my nephew, but I hate his success. I don't want to as he has a great entrepreneurial spirt, but I can't help feeling this way,

OP can you see how contradictory your thinking is?

On the one hand, you don't attribute any of your success to luck - it's clear you feel it was down to good old fashioned hard work on your part. And you're fully entitled to think that.

But on the other hand, it's clear that you don't seem to feel you contributed in any way to the recession and it was bad luck/poor timing that you lost out.

You put in, and you took out. Like thousands and thousands of others who were well enough off to invest in property. The recession became what it did due to the amounts involved, which ultimately boils down to greed, and everyone played a part in that - the banks, the estate agents, and those like you trying to make €4m profit on a property costing €2m. I think the sooner you accept that you played a part in your own downfall, the sooner you can realise that your nephew didn't and isn't deserving of any hate. He's become your target because you feel you got all the bad luck and he's getting all the good luck, but he's not - he's working his ass off just like you claim you did.

I applaud your honesty in coming here and admitting how you feel, as many others would just let it eat them up inside. But that doesn't make it right. Have you thought deeply about why you hate your nephew's success? If you had made the €4m you wanted, would you hate his success? I suspect not. It's an irrational jealousy - he is succeeding in life, and you feel you didn't - but you are looking at it only from one very narrow minded angle - the financial one. What about age? What about the success you did have before things turned sour? What about non-financial things in your life - family, friends, hobbies, health? You seem fixated on one aspect and if you don't question your own perspective, I fear it's going to eat away at you and turn you into a very bitter person. I'm not a penniless tree hugger by any means, I want to be comfortably off as much as the next person - but money isn't the be all and end all. We all go into the same box in the ground at the end regardless of how much €€ we have.

We all get knocks in life. You got a financial one. Someone else might get cancer. Someone else might be assaulted. Someone else might lose a family member. You can let it define you, or you can hold your head up and say you did your best, and move on.

baby and crumble

fustrated323043r wrote: »

I don't get why people are saying 500 a week is more than I deserve. Laboring is a tough job, and a **** job, so 500 is the least I deserve for doing it.

I have 4 degrees (between undergrad and postgrad) that I worked my ass off for and am only now earning a little bit more than €500 a week. Add in your bar work at weekends and you have far more money than I do. My partner can't find much more than occasional temping work not in her field, so my wage is pretty much it. We have a mortgage (luckily, otherwise trying to pay rent instead would be about 3 times as much as our payments are) and are trying to save for a wedding. You and your wife sound like you're bringing in 2 decent wages between you. Stop bitching. If you're on €500 per peek and say another €150 at the weekend that's just about €34,000 per year. Even if your wife is getting half that (which is unlikely) you're on nearly €50,000 per year as a couple. You may work hard but so does everyone else for often a lot less money.

fustrated323043r wrote: »

I didn't get lucky, I bought my first property outright, and remortgaged to build up my portfolio. I started a construction business's which cleared the mortgages on properties, and I closed it down (regretable as it was my bread and butter) to start a property development business. I only ever completed one project with it, financed by my mortgaged free properties. Unfortunately it bit me in the ass.

You're still not looking at your decisions with any degree of honesty. Instead of staying at what you were doing which by your own admission was going well, you decided to move away from construction to being a "property developer", without the proper skills I'd imagine. You were a builder who chanced his arm and made a bad decision. "It" didn't bite you in the ass, you contributed to a massive crash which caused your investments to plummet. Investing, running a business, all of those are gambles. No-one owes you anything. If you're happy to take the risk of moving away from what you know and are trained in, then you have to take the rough with the smooth. I get that you're jealous, we all get jealous, but you have to see that ok you may not be a business owner anymore (which I reckon might be the real issue here, the fact that you're not the boss pisses you off) but you have a stable, decent income which many people would love.

Steve2016

fustrated323043r wrote: »

OP here.

I have read every post here over the last couple of days.

I don't get why people are saying 500 a week is more than I deserve. Laboring is a tough job, and a **** job, so 500 is the least I deserve for doing it.

I didn't get lucky, I bought my first property outright, and remortgaged to build up my portfolio. I started a construction business's which cleared the mortgages on properties, and I closed it down (regretable as it was my bread and butter) to start a property development business. I only ever completed one project with it, financed by my mortgaged free properties. Unfortunately it bit me in the ass.

I don't hate my nephew, but I hate his success. I don't want to as he has a great entrepreneurial spirt, but I can't help feeling this way,

OP, I think it should be clear to you by the posts to date that you need to take a good hard look at yourself and your attitude to your nephew. At best you are getting understanding from a few people but no sympathy. At worst, people are disgusted by your attitude. And i'm afraid these would be in the majority.

I'm not here to judge you. I'm in the same industry as you so i know labourers work hard and they earn their money. However, its a job that anyone can do with zero education and that's why it does not pay well. That's life. Don't forget thats one of the reasons (but not the only one) why houses cost so much back in the days when you made your money was because of labour costs so maybe its not a bad thing that your entry level labourer isnt paid as much as your entry level engineer like back in the bad old days.

The main reason i wanted to reply to this thread is to take issue with the amount that you are paid. I'm on a foreign assignment and have exposure to construction sites. I know for a fact that someone doing the same job as you will only earn in a month what you earn in a week. Would you like to be doing what you do in 40 degrees heat and maximum humidity with a feel factor of high 50s? because thats what they are doing in a month for the same money you earn in a week in much easier conditions. And this is the middle east and the cost of living is not cheap. And when they finish their 14 hour work days, they go back to their crappy dorm type accommodation and their manky basic food. Any money they earn is probably sent home (whats left after work visa, board and food are deducted no doubt) to india where their family is. Not much of a life is it? I would like to think that after your working day, you come home to a loving family, a nice meal and can relax for the rest of the evening in comfortable (if not the palatial surrounds you had hoped for) surrounds.

So although you may work hard for what most people consider to be a fair and decent wage, remember this OP, there is always someone in a much worse position than you.

What i cant understand is how you are labouring if you ran your own building company?Surely you can get work as a skilled labourer that would pay better? What about your buddies who have done better since, any opportunities there? Small contractors are booming in recent years as lots of people are extending because its too expensive to move to bigger properties in the same standard of areas. I can't understand how you aren't doing better. If i was to guess, you are too embittered by an experience that none of us would like to have gone through but which ultimately was your own doing by risk taking and it is this attitude which is holding you back.

And as for your nephew, you really need to cop on where this is concerned. He is your nephew, your brother or sisters son. He's family, and you say you hate his success??? That's really terrible OP and you will never move on with your life if you don't reconcile these feelings. You should be mentoring him based on your own life experience and helping him preserve and sustain the success he has worked hard himself to achieve.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. You are very obviously consumed by self pity and bitterness. You have two choices. Either you continue to poison yourself by wallowing in self pity and jealousy or you do something about it. The choice is yours.

FizzleSticks

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