Friday Weddings :(

Sligo1

Hi all, so today we got the most beautiful invitation. The groom is a very good friend of my husband. Unfortunately the wedding is on a Friday and only 4 weeks away.

I totally understand why more and more people are choosing to wed on a Friday. It's a lot cheaper etc. But I'm stressing a bit now as for the month of August we will have 3 Friday weddings to attend. We really can't take this time off work. As it is we've had to take a lot of time off for childcare the past couple of months due to me changing Jobs. This particular wedding is about a 3 hour drive away aswell so we would need to sort childcare for the night which is going to be a disaster on a Friday. If it were weekend we could maybe get my hubbys parents but they work during the week so this isn't an option.

Not sure what we can do. We'd love to go... And I know husband will want to go. And kinda feel like he has to. I would love to go. But it's just such stress having to organise it all and I don't know if we can. The weddings are all good friends so It's something that would mean a lot to them and to us to go.

Do you think a couple would be annoyed if we didn't go. I wouldn't know what to say as an excuse. I don't think saying we have 3 Friday weddings already is appropriate. And childcare,
Work etc... I think maybe they will think... "Well we did give 4 weeks notice". I dunno. Maybe they won't think this at all. I could maybe just tell my OH to go on his own and I stay home with the kids. But that's kinda crap

Sorry for the rant. Just a bit stressed now

kerryked

A month's notice for a wedding? Theyd be lucky to get anyone..

fits

They actually aren't any cheaper.

Can your husband go on his own? A lot of my friends are doing that now. I know youd prefer to go together but if its so awkward? A few of my friends came to my wedding without their partners last year. I didn't mind at all, was delighted they could make it.

super_furry

No problem with Friday weddings at all, think it's a great day for it. A month's notice on the other hand is taking the piss.

mirrorwall14

A months notice for a Friday wedding in August? That's ridiculous! I'd be saying you can't get leave at this stage and let the husband go after work on friday

Sligo1

fits wrote: »

They actually aren't any cheaper.

Can your husband go on his own? A lot of my friends are doing that now. I know youd prefer to go together but if its so awkward? A few of my friends came to my wedding without their partners last year. I didn't mind at all, was delighted they could make it.

I think this is what we will have to do .

kerryked

To be honest, I'd be questioning if your husband and the groom are such 'great friends', sounds like you were late additions to the guest list. Surely your husband would have know they we getting married at least a few months in advance?

4 weeks notice is absolutely ridiculous imo.

Sligo1

mirrorwall14 wrote: »

A months notice for a Friday wedding in August? That's ridiculous! I'd be saying you can't get leave at this stage and let the husband go after work on friday

Yea will prob have to do this. I don't think they will mind. And at least we wouldn't have to take day off work. He could probably get down for 8pm for the afters Asia the drive is 3 hours. It wouldn't be a massive deal of we didn't have the other weddings the same month. But our bosses would think we were having a laugh asking for every Friday in August off.

stargazer 68

kerryked wrote: »

To be honest, I'd be questioning if your husband and the groom are such 'great friends', sounds like you were late additions to the guest list. Surely your husband would have know they we getting married at least a few months in advance?

4 weeks notice is absolutely ridiculous imo.

I would be inclined to agree with this. Sounds like you were the '2nd wave' of invites.

pc7

4 weeks notice makes me think you were on the reserve list for cancellations. I wouldn't put myself out for such short notice. I've had more notice for christenings and birthday nights out.

stryker mcqueen

are they on dont tell the bride or something??? 4 weeks is insane

Sligo1

kerryked wrote: »

To be honest, I'd be questioning if your husband and the groom are such 'great friends', sounds like you were late additions to the guest list. Surely your husband would have know they we getting married at least a few months in advance?

4 weeks notice is absolutely ridiculous imo.

Yes they are really great friends. But they are also men and don't talk like women regarding dates and times etc. These particular guys wouldn't plan 2 weeks ahead. They couple in question also live overseas so we wouldn't talk to them a huge amount in person. Husband will be going to stag etc. In Ireland prior to wedding.

There is no question that we were late additions. We weren't. My best friend who is getting married first week in August only sent out her invitations first week July. But I knew her dates as she told me a year ago!

lazygal

A month is very short notice for a Friday wedding. We had one ourselves, we chose the day for many reasons but saving money was not one of them as it was the same rate for our venue and most suppliers no matter what day it was.

We'd find it difficult for both of us to attend and find a babysitter, so we'd probably either explain only one of us could go or that we'd only go to the evening or that we can't attend. We had people who couldn't attend our wedding because it was a Friday (we gave loads of notice but things happen as we all know) and there were no hard feelings.

lollpop

Friday weddings are not cheaper, normally venues charge the same price for Saturday & Sunday.
HSE registrars don't work saturdays so that's why a lot of people get married on Fridays. Plus, sometimes it's easier to get availability in a venue.

Agree with the other posters - if they were very good friends then surely you would have known the date long ago (regardless of when the invites actually went out)? If you didn't know the date then it doesn't sound like you are that good friends so I wouldn't bother if it's causing you difficulty. I wouldn't lie to the couple though, be honest and tell them the reason you can't go.

baby and crumble

I find it very strange that the invites would be going out this late, unless the whole thing is a last minute thing, but if they're planning it from Aus it won't be. I also don't buy the whole "they're men and do't talk about dates". Something as big as a wedding, you talk about it.

I'd say you were forgotten about on the list. It happens. I'd say if your husband can go, all well and good, but an invitation to a wedding isn't a summons. It's an invitation. If you can't make it, that's life. I certainly don't expect people to put their lives on hold and waste loads of time and money coming to my wedding. Life goes on.

Sligo1

Thanks for all the replies so far. Regarding the "maybe ur aren't such great friends" opinions. Firstly, I am not friends with the bride. I don't really know her. My husband on the other hand is very good friends with the groom however, he doesn't see him for long periods of time due to him living away. But they are very good friends.
This opinion doesn't really answer my question of what we could tell them. We were not in a second wave. My husband is going to the grooms stag which was organised a month ago. The groom has talked to my husband months ago regarding his wedding etc. But my husband never asked dates.

Sligo1

As I also said, I only got my best mates invitation first week July and her wedding is first week August. I think our friends just probably aren't the most organised is all...

kerryked

Sligo1 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies so far. Regarding the "maybe ur aren't such great friends" opinions. Firstly, I am not friends with the bride. I don't really know her. My husband on the other hand is very good friends with the groom however, he doesn't see him for long periods of time due to him living away. But they are very good friends.
This opinion doesn't really answer my question of what we could tell them. We were not in a second wave. My husband is going to the grooms stag which was organised a month ago. The groom has talked to my husband months ago regarding his wedding etc. But my husband never asked dates.

Ah come on now, they could organise the stag alright but couldn't give ye notice about the wedding :pac: :pac:

Sligo1

kerryked wrote: »

Ah come on now, they could organise the stag alright but couldn't give ye notice about the wedding :pac: :pac:

Lol. Well it's the best man organising the stag... Not the groom!

eviltwin

So they sent out invitations at short notice, that's their problem not yours. The best solution is your husband goes if he's agreeable to that but I wouldn't be stressing about it. It's very short notice for a weekday event and they should expect that to impact on who can attend.

Addle

I wouldn't have any problem with 4 weeks notice.

Just be honest. We can't go, we haven't the annual leave available.
It's an invitation, not a demand.
If the hosts take issue, it's their problem, not yours.

Cathmandooo

Just tell them the truth, you can't get the annual leave in work and that you're sorry you can't make it and wish them a lovely day.

Don't complicate it with excuses or try to cushion the blow.

Your husband should really have gotten a date for it a long time ago so you could at least pencil in a day off.

kerryked

Sligo1 wrote: »

Lol. Well it's the best man organising the stag... Not the groom!

Well, I know if I were in your shoes, I'd be staying put on the couch at home, if your friends aren't the most organised, then why do they expect you to organise a 3 hour car journey on a Friday morning/afternoon, book time off work, organise a baby sitter, and get a bit of cash together for a present?

They couldn't even stick an invitation in the post until last week!

pc7

Maybe your hubby is wants a lads night at the wedding if you aren't close to him and this was his cunning plan all along.

Joking!

Addle

Would 2 extra weeks notice really have made such a difference?
There was a stag. You knew a wedding would follow.

lollpop

I really don't mean this to sound harsh - but it sounds like you didn't really plan for this even though you knew it was coming. They are good friends, your husband is going on the stag, you knew there was a wedding. If arrangements are difficult for you (and i completely understand why), then your husband should have asked the date long ago so you could plan. At this stage it comes down to priorities. If you can't go to all of the weddings then you need to work out which couples you are closest to and go to those weddings and not the others.

Sligo1

eviltwin wrote: »

So they sent out invitations at short notice, that's their problem not yours. The best solution is your husband goes if he's agreeable to that but I wouldn't be stressing about it. It's very short notice for a weekday event and they should expect that to impact on who can attend.

Thanks. This I spose this was the reassurance I was looking for. I was wondering if I was being awkward thinking that 4 weeks notice for a midweek event wasn't really enough. I will see what OH says.

baby and crumble

I agree with others who have said just tell them the truth. if you make up an excuse it'll come back to bite you. Just be honest and say you don't have any more days off, you can't find a babysitter at short notice in the summer and leave it at that. I'd recommend your husband try and get a half-day or something if he can and make it down in good time for the reception though, it'd be a shame for him to miss a good friends wedding.

Addle

I don't think Friday is considered a 'mid week' wedding.

Sligo1

Cathmandooo wrote: »

Your husband should really have gotten a date for it a long time ago so you could at least pencil in a day off.

I know right! I asked him ages ago to ask the groom the date. He's a disaster!

But look, even if we got the date a while ago it may not have made a lot of differences as we would still have to take the time off work etc. It just may have left us more options to navigate childcare etc and perhaps we both could've gone to evening part of the dinner at least.

Sligo1

Addle wrote: »

Would 2 extra weeks notice really have made such a difference?
There was a stag. You knew a wedding would follow.

?? Some people have hens/stags a month before wedding... Some have them 2 months before.

I actually thought this wedding was going to be in September which wouldn't have been a problem. August is a bit of a problem.

Sligo1

Addle wrote: »

I don't think Friday is considered a 'mid week' wedding.

What difference does it make? Week day or midweek People still have to take leave to attend?

fits

If the wedding was on a Thursday you would probably have to take two days. ´Monday-Thursday is midweek.

Addle

Sligo1 wrote: »

?? Some people have hens/stags a month before wedding... Some have them 2 months before.

I actually thought this wedding was going to be in September which wouldn't have been a problem. August is a bit of a problem.

Don't invites 'usually' issue 6 weeks in advance if the wedding?
If you got the invite 2 weeks earlier, would you have the same decision to make?

Addle

Sligo1 wrote: »

What difference does it make? Week day or midweek People still have to take leave to attend?

Not everyone works Fridays.
Not everyone is off on Saturdays.

pc7

Addle wrote: »

Don't invites 'usually' issue 6 weeks in advance if the wedding?
If you got the invite 2 weeks earlier, would you have the same decision to make?

Most weddings I've been invited too invites are out 2-3 months ahead (some send save the date cards earlier), with an rsvp of at least 3-4 weeks before the wedding. Most venues need a firm idea at that stage with a firming up the final week.

Sligo1

Addle wrote: »

Don't invites 'usually' issue 6 weeks in advance if the wedding?
If you got the invite 2 weeks earlier, would you have the same decision to make?

Well if we got the invite 6 weeks in advance the wedding wouldn't be until September which is what I was expecting. This wouldn't have been a problem as we wouldn't be asking for 3 consecutive Friday's off and three consecutive Friday's and Saturdays of granny minding a 2 and 3 year old.

RedXIV

Slightly Off topic, I'm delighted to see the responses here about the time to send out invitations. We send invitations out almost 3 months before the wedding and my mother tried to convince me to send the ones to her family out bang on the 6 week mark as "that's the done thing".

Glad I ignored her now

Addle

It's the done thing amongst my circle.
Maybe your mum and I are in the same circle!

Sligo1

Addle wrote: »

Not everyone works Fridays.
Not everyone is off on Saturdays.

TBH I think you need to chill out a bit. Your posts are completely derailing the thread. You obviously have issues with something I have posted and taken it personally. It would be awesome if you could please stop picking apart every word or comment I make and taking it out of context. I started this thread asking for advise not definition on what a mid week or a week day wedding are. If you're looking for an argument try personal issues or after hours. Thanks.

pc7

Honestly you seem to be letting this stress you out. You got the invite, it's too short notice for work and kids no biggie! Just let your hubby explain this (unless he can go himself) and that's it.

kerryked

Look, there's no point arguing on here over the whole thing.

Have you actually talked to your husband about this? I think you have to make the decision with him, not 50 boardsies :pac:

Sligo1

Sorry mods of that wasn't an appropriate post...

RedXIV

Addle wrote: »

It's the done thing amongst my circle.
Maybe your mum and I are in the same circle!

Wouldn't surprise me, her circle size is "equator"

Sligo1

kerryked wrote: »

Look, there's no point arguing on here over the whole thing.

Have you actually talked to your husband about this? I think you have to make the decision with him, not 50 boardsies :pac:

Lol lol yep! I'm just at home having a nice rant to work me up before he gets home! . He won't know what hits him when he gets back. He'll be dying to go to this on his own....

Addle

Sligo1 wrote: »

TBH I think you need to chill out a bit. Your posts are completely derailing the thread. You obviously have issues with something I have posted and taken it personally. It would be awesome if you could please stop picking apart every word or comment I make and taking it out of context. I started this thread asking for advise not definition on what a mid week or a week day wedding are. If you're looking for an argument try personal issues or after hours. Thanks.

OTT there.
See my first response. Just tell the truth.
You're making a bigger deal out of it than needs be.

radharc

The thread title is misleading, the only issue here is the short notice period. Friday weddings have always been just as popular as Saturday weddings.

kerryked

Sligo1 wrote: »

Lol lol yep! I'm just at home having a nice rant to work me up before he gets home! . He won't know what hits him when he gets back. He'll be dying to go to this on his own....

Ahahaha, poor man, I'm volunteering to text him and warn him what awaits :rolleyes:

Sligo1

radharc wrote: »

The thread title is misleading, the only issue here is the short notice period. Friday weddings have always been just as popular as Saturday weddings.

Not when it's every Friday of the month . We wouldn't have an issue of it were every Saturday as there wouldn't be as many things to organise. Main issue really being time off work. Childcare can usually get sorted for us on a weekend.

But look, it's totally up to the couple. It's their big day. And there will be many reasons why they as the couple preferred a Friday. Availability could be a big one also.

mmooney1983

Just in re: Friday weddings generally, as a lot of people get annoyed at them

-not cheaper at all
-civil weddings not done at weekends - not everyone wants a church wedding y'know
-if you want a Saturday venue, you gotta wait 1.5 or more years... who the fec wants to wait that long poring over invitation paper and choosing themes etc for all of the above reasons we had a Friday wedding.

We gave 10 months' notice though, and everyone came - I'd say just let the hubby go on his own - they can't possibly take offence. I'm not free for another 4 or 5 weekends with normal social stuff, let alone weddings.

Rose35

We got married recently, on a saturday. Anyway, we had a lot of guests coming without their partners for various reasons.
He could go on his own to this one, the bride and groom won't even bat an eyelid at it, totally understandable you couldn't make it with childcare etc.