Bad Situation

jamie124

Hi There,
So I am in a really bad situation right now and need so serious advice from some people just to hear some opinions and solutions they might help me.

So the bad situation basically is my step father ( I have posted about him in my previous posts but I can't seem to find them! )
We live in a relatively old house (doesn't look it as we have done quite a lot of work with it) and my bedroom and ensuite is gone completely damp and has been for the past 2 years.
Apparently though, it is ALL my fault because when I first moved in to my bedroom and bathroom it wasn't damp at all and I didn't open the window after having a shower or during one as I was genuinely unaware that I had to! But since the place got damp and mouldy I was told to keep the place aired out to prevent the dampness from happening even more and so I did, I then noticed that the walls in my bedroom were growing fungus and damp black stuff all over and it seemed to be spreading..
My stepdad went off his rocker when he saw it and so did my mother and they said that it was all my fault for not opening the window and for not cleaning up the water on the floor after my showers (when I first moved into it) but that's no excuse since it happened 2 years ago! I understand that it can be quite expensive to fix dampness and stuff and it's only now that they are deciding to fix it so I am moving a lot of my stuff out of my bedroom now in order for some work to be done to it eventually...

So now this evening, my stepdad came out with this BIZARRE statement that he is going to be monitoring my showers and also said I can only have a shower when he sees fit! And that I don't need showers!
I replied to him by saying "eh are you actually serious, you can NOT control that" and he just said "watch me!" He left the room and I looked at my mother who wasn't doing anything about it and I said to her this time "so you are going to allow this then yeah?" "He is nothing but a bully!" She just said "just for the moment it has to be like this" I said "well it WONT be like THIS because I'm living like this and I will not be treated like an animal!" " I am entitled to have a shower when I want!"
Mam then said "you can have one in the morning under my supervision" I said "WHAT!!?? SUPERVISION??? I AM NOT A CHILD!"

So now later on I said "okay I am packing my bags and I'm getting the first bus up to Dublin I'm not living like this and I won't live like this, you can if you want but I'm not"
Mam then said "you are NOT going anywhere until that bathroom of yours is sorted out and you can clean it from top to bottom tomorrow and then you can go off where you like"

I have been offered by my grand-parents and auntie to stay in they're houses as I am trying to find a job for the summer in Dublin and I also want to base myself there for the summer and get away from my current house in the countryside as I hate it and my stepdad makes my life hell and is a complete bastard!

I also told my mum that he is a bully and control freak towards me and I'm not having it!!!

She then said "let me get something clear to you now, if you dare to tell *grandparents *friends *other names of people I talk to - about what goes on in this house I will DISOWN you and you will not be a son of mine ever again! Is that clear???

I said "that's so ****ing hurtful!" And she said "YOU are being hurtful to me saying you are moving out after all I have done for you for 18 years!"

So I am in a BAD Situation as you can pick up from this

Thank you all in advance for the advice x

freshpopcorn

After your several threads on here regarding this and similar issues.
All I can really say is if you totally unhappy with the situation you need to move out.
If you have somebody you can stay with you can stay with them and you night be able to get a grant for college and part time work.

bee06

OP, I remember your previous thread. I think it would do you a lot of good to move to Dublin and get away from this man. His fixation on your showering is very strange and it sounds like you'll damage your relationship with your mother more by staying.

I would sit your mother down when you are both calm and explain that you think it would be better for your family dynamic and relationship to move out temporarily. That you and your step father are clashing a lot and you think it would be best for everyone to live apart for a while. Present it like you don't want to damage your relationship with the stepfather and her further and you think that will happen if you stay.

jamie124

freshpopcorn wrote: »

After your several threads on here regarding this and similar issues.
All I can really say is if you totally unhappy with the situation you need to move out.
If you have somebody you can stay with you can stay with them and you night be able to get a grant for college and part time work.

Thanks for replying , unfortunately I am not elegible for a grant but I have people that I can stay with in the hope that I get some part time work! I haven't even sent out my CVs yet and I plan on doing that when I go to Dublin next.

jamie124

bee06 wrote: »

OP, I remember your previous thread. I think it would do you a lot of good to move to Dublin and get away from this man. His fixation on your showering is very strange and it sounds like you'll damage your relationship with your mother more by staying.

I would sit your mother down when you are both calm and explain that you think it would be better for your family dynamic and relationship to move out temporarily. That you and your step father are clashing a lot and you think it would be best for everyone to live apart for a while. Present it like you don't want to damage your relationship with the stepfather and her further and you think that will happen if you stay.

Thank You, I will try that and see what happens.

freshpopcorn

jamie124 wrote: »

Thanks for replying , unfortunately I am not elegible for a grant but I have people that I can stay with in the hope that I get some part time work! I haven't even sent out my CVs yet and I plan on doing that when I go to Dublin next.

Now it's a few years since I started college but there might be financial aid available to you if you do attend college. Can't remember who'll you'll contact at the college.
Regarding the grant if in the future tour not financially dependent on your parents you might be entitled to a grant. (I think)

ted1

Try http://m.tesco.ie/mt/www.tesco.ie/groceries/Product/Details/?id=281815758

Follow the instructions , then talk to your step dad and mother about painting the room with an anti fungus paint. These methods won't cost much and may help to calm the situation .

Is their an extraction fan , if so does it work

jamie124

ted1 wrote: »

Try http://m.tesco.ie/mt/www.tesco.ie/groceries/Product/Details/?id=281815758

Follow the instructions , then talk to your step dad and mother about painting the room with an anti fungus paint. These methods won't cost much and may help to calm the situation .

Is their an extraction fan , if so does it work

Thank you! Will try this! And we don't have an extraction fan and no sort of ventilation what so ever around the house!

freshpopcorn

jamie124 wrote: »

Thank you! Will try this! And we don't have an extraction fan and no sort of ventilation what so ever around the house!

I'd also recommend using sugar soap to wash the walls before painting them again and using a kitchen & bathroom paint.
I know we used a simple bleach and water mix to remove mould before.
The advice I'd give you is to do a bit of reaches on whatever you use to make sure it wouldn't cause more trouble for you because your dealing with chemicals.
I know we have no extracor fan in our bathroom and we never had a problem!

Loveinapril

If you have the ability to move out, I really don't see why you would stay. Your mother and step father are not going to change, so you have to.

Ursus Horribilis

Oh dear. When I saw your username I had the feeling it was going to be another thread about that odious stepfather of yours

I think if you have relatives back in Dublin who are willing to take you in, then accept their offer and leave. You're in a no-win situation as things stand. You've got a very poor relationship with your stepfather and your mum has shown that she's going to side with him. Though it's telling that she has threatened you if you breathe a word to family and people she knows. I wonder is she afraid of your stepfather as well but is trapped because of the children she has with him? She may also feel embarrassed about the predicament she has landed herself in. I wonder did anyone in the family take her aside and ask her was she doing the right thing before she married this man? Regardless, she's in a no-win situation and is caught in the middle between you and her husband .

I think you should do your best to leave under good circumstances. I feel it's important that you maintain a relationship with your mum. Without knowing more I can only speculate but perhaps down the line she may turn to you for help if she decides to leave this guy. Also, you have younger siblings and you might want to continue to have them in your life. So be careful not to burn bridges.

I think you should clean/paint the en-suite as your mother has asked you to do. It'd be better not to pick a row. Then, just as Bee06 has described, couch the move in terms of being something temporary and as a way to stop the rows. Really, all that you're doing is moving forward your leaving date anyway.

jamie124

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Oh dear. When I saw your username I had the feeling it was going to be another thread about that odious stepfather of yours

I think if you have relatives back in Dublin who are willing to take you in, then accept their offer and leave. You're in a no-win situation as things stand. You've got a very poor relationship with your stepfather and your mum has shown that she's going to side with him. Though it's telling that she has threatened you if you breathe a word to family and people she knows. I wonder is she afraid of your stepfather as well but is trapped because of the children she has with him? She may also feel embarrassed about the predicament she has landed herself in. I wonder did anyone in the family take her aside and ask her was she doing the right thing before she married this man? Regardless, she's in a no-win situation and is caught in the middle between you and her husband .

I think you should do your best to leave under good circumstances. I feel it's important that you maintain a relationship with your mum. Without knowing more I can only speculate but perhaps down the line she may turn to you for help if she decides to leave this guy. Also, you have younger siblings and you might want to continue to have them in your life. So be careful not to burn bridges.

I think you should clean/paint the en-suite as your mother has asked you to do. It'd be better not to pick a row. Then, just as Bee06 has described, couch the move in terms of being something temporary and as a way to stop the rows. Really, all that you're doing is moving forward your leaving date anyway.

I know terrible isn't it
You are right though I should leave and I will be this Saturday coming as far as I know I told her I want to go ASAP as in sick of living like this and you will never guess what - she told my SF exactly what I said to her and he burst into my bedroom saying "DID YOU CALL ME CONTROLLING AND A BULLY?" And I said "WHY , DOES IT MATTER?" And my mam came rushing in front of him saying "Why did you have to do that now?" And he said "I WANT AN ANSWER!" And so I just said "No" and he then said "I DONT GIVE A **** WHAT YOU TELL YOU GRANDPARENTS I COULDNT GIVE A **** ABOUT THEM! THE DOOR IS OPEN FOR YOU OUT OF THIS PRISON YOU ARE FREE TO LEAVE IF YOU WANT!" He then stormed off into th kitchen and threw a towel at my face and said "HERES YOUR TOWEL FOR WASHING YOURSELF!" - yes he actually took my towel 😅 how pathetic is that!

And at their wedding the family had a huge row with him over me and other things and now my mums side don't speak to him and my grandparents only visit us once in a while and act civil when really they don't like him at all. There is also a bit of an age gap between him and my mother so they look down on that also...

It's all ain't story guys but bottom line is in trying to leave ASAP and trying to find a job in Dublin so I can live there too with my family since the option is there! X

selastich2

I can understand why your step father is annoyed. You watched mould grow on the walls for 2 years and said nothing. When confronted you threaten to pack your bags and run away. Both you and your step father come across as incredibly immature.

I have't read your other threads but of you're 18, time to move out. Get your own place, why are you expecting your granny to put you up?

Ursus Horribilis

If you can at all, don't pick any more fights with your stepfather. You're only going to make it much harder for you to maintain a relationship with your mum and your siblings. I'm sure your family has a very good idea of what's going on even if you never breathe a word of what has happened in that house.

Also, would your family be willing to take you in before you find a job? At least if you were living in Dublin you'd be able to drop CVs into places in person and get to interviews more easily.

Ursus Horribilis

selastich2 wrote: »

I can understand why your step father is annoyed. You watched mould grow on the walls for 2 years and said nothing. When confronted you threaten to pack your bags and run away. Both you and your step father come across as incredibly immature.

I have't read your other threads but of you're 18, time to move out. Get your own place, why are you expecting your granny to put you up?

Here is the other thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin//showthread.php?t=2057572497 While I agree the OP really should move out now that he has options, it's not as black and white as you've painted it as.

jamie124

selastich2 wrote: »

I can understand why your step father is annoyed. You watched mould grow on the walls for 2 years and said nothing. When confronted you threaten to pack your bags and run away. Both you and your step father come across as incredibly immature.

I have't read your other threads but of you're 18, time to move out. Get your own place, why are you expecting your granny to put you up?

Actually , hang on a second , I didn't "watch" mould grow on the walls I did tell them when I saw it and they said to keep the widows open and I did but it still got worse... Yes I'm 18 but I don't know any other 18 year olds that I'm friends with in the situation im in.. Just saying.. You don't know the full story but thanks for replying.

Skibunny77

OP, you mention in your other thread that you have two younger brothers. Does your stepfather treat them the same way? Just to clear, what you have described constitutes emotional abuse and neglect - if your younger siblings are experiencing this behaviour, you should visit your local Tusla office and tell the social workers what is going on. I'm very uncomfortable with the suggestion of a supervised shower - it is voyeuristic and completely inappropriate.

jamie124

Skibunny77 wrote: »

OP, you mention in your other thread that you have two younger brothers. Does your stepfather treat them the same way? Just to clear, what you have described constitutes emotional abuse and neglect - if your younger siblings are experiencing this behaviour, you should visit your local Tusla office and tell the social workers what is going on. I'm very uncomfortable with the suggestion of a supervised shower - it is voyeuristic and completely inappropriate.

Hi,
No he doesn't treat them the same way at all but when mum says I have to give (brother) a wash he sometimes says "re good enough the way he is)

jamie124

Everybody!! Weird,Bizarre,Unexpected!
But here goes;
Just had my stepdad come personally I I my room to say that "we all only had a row, life goes on its over its done with no harm done, I won't be monitoring your showers I just need you to dry up the floor after you have a shower until I can come to some arrangement to paint and fix this place up your bedroom and bathroom, are we friends again? You don't need to be telling your family anything it was only a row and nothing else so don't be sitting here on your own and I will see you tomorrow"

... Guys I don't know what to say or do....

Jenneke87

Sounds good on paper.....somehow I'm not convinced though. Weird people don't just become "normal" and crazy will usually act crazy.

My guess is that he's afraid to be outed for the nutjob he is and is feeding you a little whit lie to keep you happy and at home for now, untill he blows his fuse again. Proceed with caution I'd say.

Ursus Horribilis

Oooh. Be careful is my advice for you but you knew that already. Does he know that you've got relatives who've offered to take you in? It's probably dawning on him that you're now in a position to pack your bags and leave. Until now he could bully you because you were in school and dependent on him and your mother. You're getting very close to the stage of your life where you'll be able to fend for yourself and live like an adult. He's most likely worried that you'll leave and spill the beans to his in-laws.

As for how to deal with him. Be pleasant but in a superficial way. Don't pick fights with him either. Don't get into any sort of deep conversations with him or promise anything. I still think you badly need to get out of there, job or no job. You can always find something once you get to Dublin .

nikkibikki

"It's done with no harm done."

No harm to him maybe! I'd still go if I were you. And it's up to you who you talk to about your feelings. Talk to whoever you want. Do you think your mother will really disown you? You can't talk to her about it, she brings everything back to him.

retro:electro

jamie124 wrote: »

Everybody!! Weird,Bizarre,Unexpected!
But here goes;
Just had my stepdad come personally I I my room to say that "we all only had a row, life goes on its over its done with no harm done, I won't be monitoring your showers I just need you to dry up the floor after you have a shower until I can come to some arrangement to paint and fix this place up your bedroom and bathroom, are we friends again? You don't need to be telling your family anything it was only a row and nothing else so don't be sitting here on your own and I will see you tomorrow"

... Guys I don't know what to say or do....

Okay this just proves that he's more dangerous and manipulative than initially expected. He's afraid of you telling other family members about him op. He momentarily lost the control and now he's fighting to get it back. Don't fall for it op, he'll be back to his old ways in no time. Pack your bags and get out of there.

celligraphy

Hi op, no advice to give on your psychotic stepfather but you should apply to the svp they give grants of 200 Euro a month , it isn't much but can help you out , they don't means test either just explain your situation

Sound Bite

I've read your previous threads too and the situation is dysfunctional and that's putting it mildly.

If I were you, I would talk to my aunt and see what options are available to you. I think mentally you need a break from the situation. If the situation is so bad you do have to go to college..perhaps you could work for a few years first, save some money and get your own place before returning to college as a mature student

bilbot79

Extractor fan. After the shower clean up the water and keep the door closed anscc the window open for a while.
The moisture content of some houses has to be proactively managed sometimes and you need to think of innovative ways to get rid of it on a daily basis.

I think your stepdad is being a knob-end.

I think you are NOT proactively managing the moisture content of your house and you should be. So cop on to yourself!

My wife no matter how much I plead simply doesn't care about all the little things that help manage damp like closing the bathroom door, opening the window etc, she just can't be arsed thinking about that and I get left with the lovely task of treating mould all the time. Very unfair. You all live there and you all have to contribute to that just like he has a duty to be respectful.

Ursus Horribilis

If needs be, lie about having job interviews in Dublin and get out of there fast. I'm sure whoever you move to in Dublin won't kick you out because you're not in a position to give them a few bob yet. That stepfather of yours is dangerous and that mask will slip. He doesn't like you but he likes even less the prospect of you moving in with in-laws who have cottoned onto him. Unless you're proactive, this will drag on and on. He won't be in any hurry to supply the paint and other materials needed to fix the bathroom. Even getting a lift to the bus or railway station could be a bit of an epic struggle. So if you can at all, quietly organise things yourself and plan your escape.

Regarding college, I'm not well up on how grants work. If your living circumstances change this late in the day can you still apply for a grant? Failing that could defer whatever place you get for a year? Then work and sort out your living situation and try again. I'd be a bit worried about having to depend on your mother to fund college to be honest. Your stepfather's fixation on how often you shower could easily switch to "how much is that fella costing us?". Your mother has consistently shown that when asked to choose between him and you, she picks him.

jamie124

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

If needs be, lie about having job interviews in Dublin and get out of there fast. I'm sure whoever you move to in Dublin won't kick you out because you're not in a position to give them a few bob yet. That stepfather of yours is dangerous and that mask will slip. He doesn't like you but he likes even less the prospect of you moving in with in-laws who have cottoned onto him. Unless you're proactive, this will drag on and on. He won't be in any hurry to supply the paint and other materials needed to fix the bathroom. Even getting a lift to the bus or railway station could be a bit of an epic struggle. So if you can at all, quietly organise things yourself and plan your escape.

Regarding college, I'm not well up on how grants work. If your living circumstances change this late in the day can you still apply for a grant? Failing that could defer whatever place you get for a year? Then work and sort out your living situation and try again. I'd be a bit worried about having to depend on your mother to fund college to be honest. Your stepfather's fixation on how often you shower could easily switch to "how much is that fella costing us?". Your mother has consistently shown that when asked to choose between him and you, she picks him.

That's exactly what he's like! He is always ranting on and on and on about money and finance (as we all do) but this is every.single.day over and over and over...
My mother always seems to choose him now and only recently things right now at this moment are civil but I know they will change again in the next arguement whatever ridiculous ones they may be.

Another thing is this morning my mother got really sick while he was in work and I was called obviously to help and so I did and she had to ring him to come home.
He came home and the minute he saw me in my pjs he said "PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES THERE IS NO NEED TO BE DRESSED LIKE THAT!" I said "It doesn't matter" and he said "YES IT DOES! I DONT WANT ANYONE WALKING INTO THIS HOUSE AT 10 O CLOCK IN THE MORNING AND SEEING YOU IN YOUR PJS!!!!!" I just walked out for a quiet life and got bloody dressed to shut his stupid gob! It's very annoying and I am hightly irritated now and want to smash something NOW! Or his FACE!!

I then proceeded to fill up the dishwasher and he said "LEAVE THEM I WANT TO WASH THEM IN THE SINK MYSELF!" ( he also doesn't seem to like the dishwasher ) too "modern" I think haha!

All joking aside though I am getting really fed up and pissed off at this stage and really want to leave and I am still in contact with people who might be able to point me in the right direction of who to go to for a job. At present, there is a possibility that I will be working in a cinema but I will be handing my CVs out to tons of shops in a shopping centre close to where I will hopefully be staying in Dublin.

Thanks again x I still have no idea how to handle him it's tearing me apart

Ursus Horribilis

The only way to handle him is to get yourself out of there in the coming days. It's only a matter of time before there's a massive blow-out and that's the last thing you need. In order to keep the lines of communication open with your mum, it's better to leave with things civil.

What you need to do is ring your gran or whoever and make arrangements to move. You can worry about the finer details later. Your family in Dublin will probably help and support you an awful lot more than your own mother. Sadly...

Make that call today if you can.

Loveinapril

You need to keep your head down until you leave. You seem quite argumentitive with him. I know he is worse but someone has to be the grown up!
These issues are reoccuring, you need to leave the house for your own sake.

selastich2

Can I ask something, not that you have to answer?


Why are you still there? You are over the legal age, exams are finished 3/4 weeks, you have accomadation in dublin with relatives...Why are you hanging round there. Go to Dublin and start pounding the pavements handing in CV's. What's stopping you?

retro:electro

I'm wondering why you're still there too op. I mean for your own sake I don't want to have to read another thread like this by you in a couple of weeks time. There is literally nothing tying you to that house, you're finished school, and have offers from family to stay with them. If that was me I would be gone like a shot. Why are you still there?

selastich2

OP, another suggestion

If you are from rural Ireland, many of your classmates will be heading to dublin for college. Some may already have started looking for accommodation, any chance you could link up with anyone you know for a house share in dublin?

jamie124

Okay.
Why am I still here?

I was told by Mother that I have to empty out my bedroom from top to bottom in order for work to be done with it and to also clean my bathroom and to scrub it until it is spotless - which I am now going to do as I was told this last night. My Bathroom is clean but I need to have it shining for the workers coming to fix it!?
I will also mention that I have EXTREME anxiety and not all sounds simple as it seems for me , maybe for some of you but not for me.
I will be going though asap when all is sorted down here in about a week I am guessing.

I am sorry to be giving you all an hour by hour account of what he is doing but I just feel like this is the only way that I can get it out! If I dare tell any of my friends or family about what he is like , My Mother will NEVER talk to me again and there will be more and more stress and anxiety added on to me personally. I have to try and find a job and hopefully get one , hopefully still be able to stay with my relatives if I mix it up between them all so I won't be staying with just ONE Relative all of the time.
As I said, my autie and grand-parents said I could stay with them , My Grand-Parents said that as long as I find a job I could stay with them but my auntie doesn't mind either way and I said that I would pay her for rent and stuff and she wouldn't accept it as she said there is "no need to paying her rent as there is a spare room in her house that needs using and will always be there for me!" which was very generous of her considering she has a husband and a one year old to look after but I could babysit and stuff to pay her back!.

EARLIER ON AT LUNCHTIME:[/B]

So up I went to make myself and 2 year old brother some lunch while mam is in bed sick and my stepdad asks yet AGAIN- "AS A MATTER OF INTEREST, WHERE ARE THE CLOTHES THAT YOU HAD ON YOU YESTERDAY????" and I replied "DO NOT STARTTTTTTT....." and he said "WHERE ARE THEY?" and I replied "THEY ARE DIRTY AND ARE IN THE WASH" and he said "FOR WHAT?" and I said again "THEY ARE DIRTY AND IN THE WASH" and he said "YOU DONT DO ANYTHING TO GET DIRTY AND YOU ONLY WEAR CLOTHES FOR ONE DAY AND THEN CHANGE" - which I don't and so I replied "ACTUALLY , IT WAS FOR 4 DAYS THAT I HAD THAT LAST OUTFIT ON AND ANY NORMAL
PERSON WOULD CHANGE BEFORE THAT!" and he said "WELL YOUR NOT NORMAL ANYWAYS SO NOTHING TO SAY THERE HAHAHAHA" and I said "WELL , NEITHER ARE YOU ACTUALLY IF YOU MUST KNOW AND THESE ARE ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS STATEMENTS YOU ARE MAKING!"

He just then huffed and puffed and f'ing and blinding out of him.

Taltos

Mod Note
OP, we are approaching the point where the mods will have to close this thread. PI is not a blog site which is what this is tending to. We're an advice forum and I am concerned between your last thread and this that you are not taking that advice on board.

We are going to continue to monitor before closing but wanted to be up front with you first.

selastich2

Sorry all this nonsense about clothes and showers...you were in your PJ's until 10 at least?

Clean your bathroom, go stay with your aunty.

jamie124

Taltos wrote: »

Mod Note
OP, we are approaching the point where the mods will have to close this thread. PI is not a blog site which is what this is tending to. We're an advice forum and I am concerned between your last thread and this that you are not taking that advice on board.

We are going to continue to monitor before closing but wanted to be up front with you first.

Ok sorry.... Just really needed some advice as this is a different issue here... If I stop BLOGGING will you keep the thread open???

jamie124

To avoid all of this turning into a BLOG - I will start taking some advice on board and let you all know how I get on as Moderators are now getting on my case over it!!.
Sorry Again Guys... x

Ursus Horribilis

And you don't think your anxiety is being worsened in any way by living in that house?

Look, I know you're going through hell but you have got to get out of there before you blow. I can sense the anger coming through in your posts. Your stepfather isn't going to change. Nor is your mother. So unfortunately you're on your own and have to paddle your own canoe.

Make arrangements to get out of there ASAP. Do not say you're leaving because you and that bullying ignoramus are fighting like cats and dogs and you can't stand him. Put it in terms of this: you've got a summer /part time job. You want to get some money together for college. You don't want to be fighting with him all the time and it'd be better for everyone if you go for a while. Then go.

retro:electro

Op, there is absolutely no need to be getting to a back and forth with him about petty things like clothes and what have you. Also, you are writing your details in capitals, does this indicate that you are shouting your responses to him? If so then you need to stop. Do not antagonise an already hostile situation. I really don't think there's much more anyone can say to you only move out. You have a great offer to stay with your aunty. Tbh I don't know why you're not grabbing it with both hands. I wish you luck.

Loveinapril

OP, you are asking for advice, you have recieved advice but you are still getting into he said/ she said. None of that matters- you and your step father clearly have a petty tit- for- tat thing going on. You clash and cannot seem to have a civil exchange. You don't need to stay there, it is not a good place for you so move out.

jamie124

I will text my aunt now so and see what happens! wish me luck x

trixychic

Id run a mile. And i actually did. When I was 17 I was getting alot of abuse from my mother (emotional not physical) so while she was out one day I got a taxi and went to live elsewhere. Best decision I've ever made.

Please get yourself out of their. Leave the bathroom. It's not that big if a deal. Your mental health is more important. Just get out. My mum and I didn't speak for about a yr and she slowly came to her sense. She apologised and things are better now (although I could never fully trust her). You need to look after yourself.

selastich2

On the clothes thing. Do you do your own washing? Is your step father stressing because a lot of household chores are being left to your mother, who is unwell?


Anyway, good luck

jamie124

selastich2 wrote: »

On the clothes thing. Do you do your own washing? Is your step father stressing because a lot of household chores are being left to your mother, who is unwell?


Anyway, good luck

Well my Mum mixes everyones clothes in together usually and I try to do my own washing when no one is home and when the weather is good so I can hang them out! It is very expensive to have a tumble dryer on so we don't use it very much...
My Step-Father is just gone in the head... long ago....

Ursus Horribilis

I'm glad you're being proactive and have texted your aunt. I'm going to give you one more piece of advice, knowing that you're from the texting generation. When your aunt gets back to you, don't keep texting her. Ring her and talk to her. I guarantee you - you'll get a lot more business done and much faster.

jamie124

So I have taken everyone's advice on board and have decided to leave and I will be living between my Auntie and Grand-Parents while also looking for a job by handing out my CVs to various stores around a local shopping centre.
Thing is though, my Mam said that I have to come back at some stage after the summer finishes (I don't like that idea) as I may be going to college or else a further education college.... I have applied to them where I am currently living BUT have not applied in Dublin (at the time I did not know it was going to be this way) so that seems like another problem arising....
Should I just take a year out? I have other things in mind that does not involve needing any qualifications e.g. - cabin crew or working in the airport for a while...

Thanks x

Ursus Horribilis

I think you should take things one step at a time. First of all, get out of home for the summer. Preferably without antagonising your stepfather again. I scanned through your exchanges with him and I have to say that the way you've been speaking (shouting?) at him isn't very clever. Especially when he's still playing a part in your life and is someone with the potential to cause you a lot of trouble.

Anyway, play ball with your mother for now. Agree that you're only going for the summer and start job hunting in Dublin. If you end up returning to your stepfather's house at the end of the summer, it should only be for a short while before you go again. That makes a difference.

As for what to do next, be careful. The danger of getting a job as cabin crew etc. is that you might start enjoying your working life/independence too much and you'll find yourself still working there at 25 or 30 and still without a college education.

jamie124

Anyway, play ball with your mother for now. Agree that you're only going for the summer and start job hunting in Dublin. If you end up returning to your stepfather's house at the end of the summer, it should only be for a short while before you go again. That makes a difference.[/QUOTE]

As for what to do next, be careful. The danger of getting a job as cabin crew etc. is that you might start enjoying your working life/independence too much and you'll find yourself still working there at 25 or 30 and still without a college education.[/QUOTE]

Yes, there is a possibility that might happen at the end of Summer and I'm not sure that I can face him again after the freedom away from him if you know what I mean...

As regards the cabin crew bit , I do hear that you can move up and up in that role and get increased pay etc etc.... You never know i may go to college after a few years of it or else go to college first and have something under my belt before applying for cabin crew... I don't know what to do myself at the moment...

Ursus Horribilis

Look at it as a gradual process. Once you move away this summer, you're unlikely to ever live full-time in that house again. It does make a big difference when you know there's an end date. And perhaps you might be able to stretch your stay in Dublin out for a week or two longer. Don't look too far ahead on this - concentrate on getting out of there.

Maybe when you move to Dublin you can confide in one of your relatives and hear what they have to say. Don't sell yourself short just because your short-term situation is fecked up. I can tell you straight up that returning to education after working is a lot harder than you think. I did a year long course when I was 27 and it nearly wrecked my head. I was so long out of full-time education that even sitting in a classroom was a struggle. And don't get me started on essays and assignments :eek: The way airline jobs are going, I'm not sure working as cabin crew is a good long-term option for you. You really need to be careful you don't find yourself backed into a dead-end career. Think long-term - don't let your situation at home dictate the rest of your life.

gline

Hi OP, read your threads regarding your home situation. I moved out when I had just turned 18. Started university in my late twenties, college doesnt have to be done straight away.

My advice would be, while you are away from home during the summer, you will have some "breathing time". Make plans to not return home to live, this may mean you will need to grow up faster than your peers, but you will mature. The home situation you describe will hold you back in life and mentally weaken you further the longer you stay, which may take years to get over. I would open up to your aunt over the summer and explain that you cant go back home. Trying to logically reason with your mother and stepfather will not work (they are too stubborn), so I wouldn't waste anymore time doing that as it just gets you frustated and angry and puts you in a bad light.

Do all you can do, to not return home to live, after the summer. Get a job, do a course/college in another county/country, internship etc. Whatever you need to do to get out, do it.