Should I charge my parents rent?

Anon2013

Hi
Am considering buying a house down the country and it's worked out that my parents are considering moving in with me and renting there other house up the country out. It works for me having them close to me and that is not why I am posting this.
After seeing all these threads about how children should pay rent at home, it's got me wondering should my parents pay me rent. I am doubtful that I will ask them to as I didn't pay rent when I lived at home, hence the reason I can now afford to buy my first house. They will be getting a large amount of rent on their property but I just can't see myself asking them. It feels wrong, especially as I didn't pay. What do others think?
Thanks

jack923

Anon2013 wrote: »

Hi
Am considering buying a house down the country and it's worked out that my parents are considering moving in with me and renting there other house up the country out. It works for me having them close to me and that is not why I am posting this.
After seeing all these threads about how children should pay rent at home, it's got me wondering should my parents pay me rent. I am doubtful that I will ask them to as I didn't pay rent when I lived at home, hence the reason I can now afford to buy my first house. They will be getting a large amount of rent on their property but I just can't see myself asking them. It feels wrong, especially as I didn't pay. What do others think?
Thanks

No you shouldn't charge them how much money do you think they've spent on you?

eviltwin

If they didn't charge you it would be a bit mean to charge them. I'd expect a contribution to bills and food but not rent.

cbyrd

I don't think you should charge rent, but a portion of the bills yes. Otherwise, you will resent them after a while. Familiarity breeding contempt and all that... Sit down with them and work it out before hand otherwise the unknown will cause problems.

ted1

jack923 wrote: »

No you shouldn't charge them how much money do you think they've spent on you?

If they are renting out their house while living with them he/she should charge them. Would you allow a relation to run a business for free from your home ?

callaway92

All of the money and love the gave to you growing up and you are considering asking them for rent?

I genuinely wouldn't have the heart to even contemplate asking my parents for rent money. If they offered I would also refuse.

Split the rent on the house they are going to rent out.

Dr Turk Turkelton

ted1 wrote: »

If they are renting out their house while living with them he/she should charge them. Would you allow a relation to run a business for free from your home ?

That is some high grade trolling right there.
No op you shouldn't charge your parents rent in fact no matter what you ever do it will never be enough to pay them back for all they have done for you.
The fact that this thought even entered your head says a lot about you imo.

kidneyfan

You should not charge them rent. You should not allow them to move in with you.

LegacyUser

Depends on why they're moving in. Lots of questions really - but I do think the answers would affect whether you need to come to a permanent financial arrangement with them. I'm afraid a casual arrangement can turn into years!

Is it for company, or for you to look after them as they get older? Or are they going to provide childcare for you in your home? Is this a permanent move?Are they talking about putting up any money towards the cost of your house? How does your partner/kids feel about this (no matter how much you or they love your parents, it is a big imposition). Will they have their own tv/living area, or will they be in your space all the time? Are they moving away from all other family/friends, ie will you be their only support or contact? Are they both mobile? Are there other siblings who they could split their timing staying with? Is it going to cause resentment with other siblings if there's money involved between you and your parents?

Addle

No. They're your parents.

Anon2013

Thanks for all your replies. I never did intend to charge them rent. We've joked and laughed about it but I couldn't do it.
I just was curious to see if this situation was any different then children living at home and paying "rent". A thread that was on here very recently.

I am very close to my parents as an only child. Therefore I have a duty to make sure they are cared for in their old age. This would be easier to do if they lived with me.

Merkin

I'm very close to my parents too and when they get older I'd really want to help them, as would my siblings. I think having them move in with you is a really really drastic move however and could impact very heavily on your own life. What age are you OP? And do you have a partner? How do they feel about this? Your devotion is admirable but it's a very big, very bold move that you're contemplating.

Joeseph Balls

I wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face asking them to be honest. Shed have the place spotless to keep busy. My parents, despite having frig all, always pulled it out of the bag for us. I was charged 50e a week, when I got my first job. For food, washing, bills etc. Turned out they kept it all for me, for the future. Legends. Ya only get one mam and dad, and they won't be here forever.

Anon2013

They move may or may not be permanent. That is up to them. For the moment they want to come but if they want to move back out at any stage they can, that's up to them. They have other properties that they can live in if the other house has been rented. I haven't even bought the house yet, still viewing houses so maybe they might change their mind when it actually happens. Thanks for all replies.

ted1

Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »

That is some high grade trolling right there.
No op you shouldn't charge your parents rent in fact no matter what you ever do it will never be enough to pay them back for all they have done for you.
The fact that this thought even entered your head says a lot about you imo.

That's complete rubbish. I wouldn't charge my parents if they needed done where this stay . But the parents in this case are renting out their own house for, which is the equivalent of running a business. So in this case I would charge them as they are free loading while making a profit .

When I lived at home and started working I offered up sine if my earnings, the parents should offer up some of their earnings which they can only make as a result of living with the op

questionmark?

I wouldn't charge my parents rent OP but I dont think it's unreasonable to expect a proper irish mammys dinner every now and then, maybe tell you off for going outside without a jacket if it's under 20 degrees and tell some inappropriate jokes!

Ursus Horribilis

Are you sure it's a good idea to have them move into the same house as you? That was the first thought that came into my head, not the rent thing. If they want to live near you, why not have them buy or rent something nearby? Just not under the same roof as you.

As for the charging children rent thing, I don't believe it's comparing like with like. I see it like this: my parents brought me into this world and gave me a really great life while I was growing up. I've absolutely no idea how many sacrifices they made so that they could help me or make me happy. And then towards the end of my teenage years, they shelled out an awful lot of money so I could go to university and get a degree and get a better job. As it happens, they didn't want rent from me when I lived at home after graduating but I snuck quite a few groceries into the house instead It was the least I could do after what they'd done for me. I wouldn't dream of charging them rent but then again I'd not want to have them living in the same house as me. Much as love them dearly.

PLL

If they were at the age where they were still working full time and earning a good wage I'd ask for contribution towards esb/oil etc as it wouldn't be fair that they were living rent and bill free with loads of disposable income whilst you have all the mortgage to pay. I'd have the same attitude if my children had a full time job though - I'd expect some contribution. If they were in college/ out of work I wouldn't though.

It entirely depends on the situation your parents are in.

evolving_doors

Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »

That is some high grade trolling right there.
No op you shouldn't charge your parents rent in fact no matter what you ever do it will never be enough to pay them back for all they have done for you.
The fact that this thought even entered your head says a lot about you imo.

Well I wouldn't be so quick to judge, fair enough they spent money etc till the op was of age... But how many years are they planning on ' moving in'. Is it assumed that the op is the assigned carer when they get older? It mightn't take that long for the books to balance. Then what?
Are there other siblings expecting a share in this rental property, despite the op being the primary carer.
Not trying to seem cold, but these things can get very real when you least expect it... the worst thing would be an assumption of 'getting due reward' and that not happening.

Personally though I wouldn't ask for a penny but I know my folks would be the type that would have this all sorted before the move. Depends on your own financial situation too OP, but take a very very long term view of what's 'expected'.

Skibunny77

You're an only child. You will most likely benefit from your parents estate in its entirety following their death. They have supported you through life. Consider this an opportunity to repay some of the benefits you will/have received.

jennyhayes123

I'm shocked that you have even thought about this. They have kept you not only till you were 18 but presumably even now as you said you haven't even bought a house yet. Are you living rent free in there house now? They should pay you the same amount you pay them!!!! And consider writing you out of there will. There is no comparison a grown up child paying and a parent who has supported and bought everything for there while life

Alf Veedersane

ted1 wrote: »

That's complete rubbish. I wouldn't charge my parents if they needed done where this stay . But the parents in this case are renting out their own house for, which is the equivalent of running a business. So in this case I would charge them as they are free loading while making a profit .

When I lived at home and started working I offered up sine if my earnings, the parents should offer up some of their earnings which they can only make as a result of living with the op

I get what you're staying but it seems as though the OP hasn't paid up rent whilst living at home. He may have contributed but not in terms of rent. And I'd imagine the reverse would happen insofar as his parents would contribute to living costs but maybe no formal rent.

iguana

Anon2013 wrote: »

They move may or may not be permanent. That is up to them. For the moment they want to come but if they want to move back out at any stage they can, that's up to them. They have other properties that they can live in if the other house has been rented. I haven't even bought the house yet, still viewing houses so maybe they might change their mind when it actually happens. Thanks for all replies.

I think that before you do this, you need to think about what you want from life in the 10, 20, 30 years plus that you may be living with one or both of your parents. How old are you? Do you have a partner now or are you single? If you have a partner how does s/he feel about living with your parents for potentially the rest of their lives? If you are single do you feel you'd prefer to stay single or would you ideally like to have a partner that you will live with? How do you think having your parents live with you would impact the development of a future relationship?

Do you have children or would you like to in the future? How will that work? Is your house big enough that you won't need the bedroom that you parents will use? Will you have two livingrooms? Will your parents use one as a private space? Would that prevent you from having a playroom if you have children?

What about your costs? Are you buying a bigger house than you need so that your parents can live with you? Are you buying outright or with a mortgage. If you have a mortgage on a house bigger than you need, month after month you will be paying a hefty extra fee in order for your parents to live with you, while they benefit financially from living with you as they will be renting out their own house. With the best will in the world, that could build resentment in the future. Especially if you have a partner or children who can't use rooms in their own house because your parents are using them while keeping all the profit from their own home.

I'm sorry but it all sounds like a potential disaster. I agree with the PP who suggested that if your parents want to move near you, they should move to a local house rather than into your house. It would be different if they had no alternative and moving in with you was essential due to health or financial reasons. But this seems like an arrangement that could create serious lifestyle limitations for you, for no practical reason.

Emme

Skibunny77 wrote: »

You're an only child. You will most likely benefit from your parents estate in its entirety following their death. They have supported you through life. Consider this an opportunity to repay some of the benefits you will/have received.

Skibunny77 there is no such things as a free lunch. Only children have the sole responsibility and worry of their parents declining health as they get older. This often takes over their lives and can impact on aspects of life such as career, finding a partner, having time for friends and hobbies, health and everything else. If they are married with children this responsibility can take its toll on the marriage and leave the children neglected while the elderly parents need care.

Anon2013 wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies. I never did intend to charge them rent. We've joked and laughed about it but I couldn't do it.
I just was curious to see if this situation was any different then children living at home and paying "rent". A thread that was on here very recently.

I am very close to my parents as an only child. Therefore I have a duty to make sure they are cared for in their old age. This would be easier to do if they lived with me.

Your thread comes across as a slightly tongue in cheek response to an earlier thread about parents charging rent to adult children (perfectly reasonable) but there is a much bigger issue you are not considering. You are an only child and your parents are getting older. Their health will be declining and as you have no siblings this will have a massive impact on your life. You didn't ask to be an only child. Have you lived with your parents up until now? Are they considering moving in with you when you buy the house because they want you to care for them in their old age?

It's admirable of you to want to care for them but are you happy to have no life yourself as long as your parents are alive? They may be fit and healthy now but that won't always be the case. Are you prepared to give up everything later on and care for two elderly people in declining health? By this I mean you give up EVERYTHING - work, friends, hobbies and there will also be an impact on your own physical and mental health. You will have to push through your own exhaustion and illness to care for your parents without support from siblings or partner. If you do this long term it will have an irreversible impact on your own health and you will more than likely have to face your own old age alone.

I am assuming you are single. If you want to meet somebody they may shy away from somebody who lives with their parents and they may not want to deal with somebody who will be constantly frazzled and worn out from caring for two elderly parents without sibling support. Are you prepared for your parents asking you EVERYTHING about where you are going, who you are meeting, how long you will be gone and when you will be back?

Caring for one person is not easy and caring for two people will be much more difficult. You will be effectively signing away your life until both your parents are no longer with you. If you're buying a house down the country are you prepared for long drives to A&E, long waits to A&E and having to drive your parents everywhere when they are no longer able to drive themselves? Are you prepared for waits of 3 hours for an ambulance if one of them gets critically ill?

Regional hospitals don't have the same facilities as city hospitals and some people say they don't have the same standard of care. I work in education/healthcare and the best medical personnel gravitate towards city hospitals. This is a major consideration if your parents are getting older. Remember healthcare and GP care isn't as accessible in the country as it is in the town or city. This is a major concern for elderly people who are thinking of moving to the country.

Do you work from home or will you have to commute to your job? Does your job have an option for carers' leave? If you will be commuting consider falling in the door exhausted from a long day every day and having to tend to your parents after that. You would get burned out pretty quickly.

It would also be wise to make long term plans about your parents healthcare. Consider issues like distance from the nearest doctor's surgery, hospital etc. All this should be carefully thought out before your parents move to the country let alone move in with you.

Would your parents miss the convenience and facilities of the city? I know if I were getting old and feeble I would prefer to live in a city. Have you lived in the country before? The country can be very lonely and bleak in the winter. Depending on where you some country areas can be very unfriendly. It might be very difficult to break in to a country area socially and there are far fewer things to do in the country than in the city. Houses in the country are cheaper for a reason.

I'm not being horrible but by buying a house in the country and moving your parents in you seem to be signing yourself up for a lifetime of isolation and drudgery. If you are single you are likely to remain that way if you continue on the route you're planning for yourself.

If you and your parents have a good relationship by all means let them move in with you. I think it would be very foolish to charge them rent but they could contribute towards bills if they want. I would not advise you to move to the country if you don't know the area and haven't lived there before.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm scaremongering about everything your parents getting older and their declining health. I am an only child myself and my parents' health has had a big impact on all aspects of my life from the time I was in my teens.

To be honest I would not advise you to live with your parents but definitely be there for them when they get older and if they are amenable sit down with them and make long-term plans for their healthcare now. If you really want to move in with your parents why don't the three of you buy a house together in a city or somewhere near a good hospital. You would still be able to care for them but you would also be better able to have a life for yourself in the city. More importantly you would have far better access to healthcare, hospitals etc. for your ageing parents.

evolving_doors

On the flipside though, with an only child it's a bit more clearcut.

When there are siblings then it might be a case of 'why should I be the one, he lives closer' and a lot of squabbling can ensue. especially when a will is involved i.e. 'I called in more than you did I should be entitled to more a share as I gave up all my free time' or 'ya but I organised to bring them to the hospital and repaired the house myself so I should get the house as I've invested more in it'.. and on and on.

Emme

Gebgbegb wrote: »

On the flipside though, with an only child it's a bit more clearcut.

It's really clearcut when you don't have a life because you are the only child and have sole responsibility for elderly parents. When you get a sick feeling every time the phone rings or you get a text for fear it's more bad news. A fall, a sudden illness, a hospitalisation. It never ends. Indeed it could go on like this for decades. You've planned your first outing with friends in a year and you have to cancel because one of your parents falls ill. You've had to cancel outings several times before and you lose all contact with the outside world apart from your parents, medical personnel and pharmacies. You live in fear of the day you will have to give up work because your parents are declining so much.

Yeah, it's really clearcut :rolleyes:

I'd love siblings to squabble with if it meant some of the responsibility being shared.

The OP is worrying about charging rent to his or her parents while he should be worrying about far more serious issues such as the future health and wellbeing of his or her parents. Unless they are very fortunate as a family he or she won't be able to manage alone.

Wow. I guess I'm lucky to have siblings?

Anon2013

Thanks for all advice. Will consider it and take it on board. Mods you can close this thread now as I have got the info I wanted from it.

ladygirl

Having your parents mobe in with you now might seem like a good move but what about if you meet someone and want to settle down with them. I cant see them being to happy living with your parents.

I think moving them in with you is a very drastic move. I would rethink if I were you

B.A._Baracus

Only my two cents....
But no son or daughter should ever charge their parents rent.

For the record OP, I aint judging you. A person can do whatever they like with their life. Only thing I can add is that when the sad day happens that your parents depart this world... you'd end getting their house right? Free to rent or sell or do as you please. So is it really fair knowing what your parents did for you already and what they will do for you in the future to come.

LegacyUser

I know you've said that you've joked about charging rent - but, to me, it's not really about that: it's whether you are truly prepared for the long term impact on your life of living with your parents, perhaps not as close to hospitals as will become necessary, and you being the sole contact/carer as they move away from extended family and friends.

Maybe you've considered all the angles, but just haven't posted that. Emme's posts are particularly good, and I say that from having 1 sibling, but two sick parents. It all happened very suddenly in our family OP, and it's exactly as Emme described. Even having aunties and uncles, and cousins, who can easily do hospital or home visits is a blessing not to be ignored. It's really hard to juggle everything. Emme described it better than I could, but I feel like all I can talk about is sick parents, hospital appointments, medication, what the next drama of illness will unfold.

If you've really and truly considered all that, and are still prepared to move away from where you and your parents might have some support, well you're a braver person than me. I don't mean to run down your choice to look after your parents in any way, but you really do need to be aware of how incredibly difficult it can become, very quickly. A few years ago, it would've been great moving in with my parents, but now I just can't describe how difficult life is. Of course life is very difficult for my sick parents too, but it is really really hard to keep going at work, even to get time to shop and do housework, and most of all to have any social life at all.

Maybe you just came across more flippantly than you meant to, and maybe you've already weighed up all the future implications, but it's really really hard. Especially as an only child, and if you are moving further away from medical care, and other family members who could give you a 'day off' from hospital or home visits, well I'm afraid I think that's a very foolish decision - and I say that from harsh experience.

I wish you the best of luck OP, but please, for your own sake, do not enter into this arrangement lightly.

LegacyUser

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Only my two cents....
But no son or daughter should ever charge their parents rent.

For the record OP, I aint judging you. A person can do whatever they like with their life. Only thing I can add is that when the sad day happens that your parents depart this world... you'd end getting their house right? Free to rent or sell or do as you please. So is it really fair knowing what your parents did for you already and what they will do for you in the future to come.

Not critisising this post, but realistically it isn't always possible for a child to not have their parents pay rent/a contribution. Parents living with a child means at least 1 extra bedroom, and extra bills for utilities and food for two people. With the best will in the world, I can think of very few people I know who could afford to do that with no extra money towards the household. If the parents were able to rent out their own house and have an income from that, it makes it seem even more hard to balance fairly financially.

Good wishes are one thing; hard practical financial facts are another.

Ursus Horribilis

OP you didn't say whether you're single or in a relationship but I'm going to assume you're single. Are you absolutely sure, beyond all doubt that living with your parents is the right thing for you? If I had continued to live with my parents into my twenties I'd never have had the experiences I've had as an adult. It was great freedom to be able to cook what I wanted (e.g. meals that didn't have potatoes as an ingredient), watch what I wanted on tv without having to worry about a parent walking into the room, have friends over, have boyfriends stay over etc. When I visit my parents I enjoy their company but in also glad I have somewhere else to go. What if you meet someone - what will they think about having to visit and having mammy and daddy under the same roof?