Girlfriend "suggested" budget for engagement ring

dubdev

Hi all

Please see the title - is this common practice? If so, fair enough.

I have the money, just told a friend of mine and they were semi-horrified to hear she had set it out so explicitly, going as far as saying she "sounds very demanding." I'm kind of shocked by that reaction and now it has me concerned..

FortySeven

I believe it would be around 10% of income in the old days but it is the 21st century now.

I personally would not bow to that kind of demand but my views have been called controversial.

eh i dunno

dubdev wrote: »

Hi all

Please see the title - is this common practice? If so, fair enough.

I have the money, just told a friend of mine and they were semi-horrified to hear she had set it out so explicitly, going as far as saying she "sounds very demanding." I'm kind of shocked by that reaction and now it has me concerned..

Seems OK to me. Maybe she's down to earth and doesn't want you spending an outlandish amount on a ring. She might be thinking the money saved on the ring could be put towards the wedding, honeymoon etc?

Sorry did she suggest a minimum spend? Original post not very clear

Story Bud?

Is it a limit or an expectation?

Stheno

When I first got engaged in 1998 or so, I wanted a ring that at the time cost 2000 punts, it was that ring or no other.

Should I ever get engaged again, I know the exact ring I want and it is about 6000 euro.

Now I'm not someone who owns a lot of jewellery, but I collect what I consider classics, and I've very unusual taste in jeweller.

Secondly, were I to get engaged to my OH I'd be paying for that 6k ring as he'd not have the money for it.

Did she suggest a budget as she wants a particular ring, or is she being a bit of a diva?

Faith

We'd need quite a bit of context here, otherwise you're asking us to judge a very personal situation with no idea of the truth.

Did she, out of the blue during an ad break, say "Hey, dubdev, I want you to spend E10,000 on my engagement ring"? Or were you discussing it already when the figure came up? How exactly did she say it? What was the figure? How long have you been together? Are you at the stage of proposing? Have you discussed picking out a ring together, or are you picking one by yourself?

dubdev

It's "just in case" figure so I guess a limit-ish....

FortySeven

eh i dunno wrote: »

Seems OK to me. Maybe she's down to earth and doesn't want you spending an outlandish amount on a ring. She might be thinking the money saved on the ring could be put towards the wedding, honeymoon etc?

I'm reading 'a' budget not 'to' budget?

Atlantic Dawn

If your having doubts about her already I'd ditch her.

eviltwin

dubdev wrote: »

It's "just in case" figure so I guess a limit-ish....

What does she mean by just in case

dubdev

Faith wrote: »

We'd need quite a bit of context here, otherwise you're asking us to judge a very personal situation with no idea of the truth.

Did she, out of the blue during an ad break, say "Hey, dubdev, I want you to spend E10,000 on my engagement ring"? Or were you discussing it already when the figure came up? How exactly did she say it? What was the figure? How long have you been together? Are you at the stage of proposing? Have you discussed picking out a ring together, or are you picking one by yourself?

We were discussing it already. She wants to pick it out and try it on. The figure is 5K.

dubdev

Faith wrote: »

We'd need quite a bit of context here, otherwise you're asking us to judge a very personal situation with no idea of the truth.

Did she, out of the blue during an ad break, say "Hey, dubdev, I want you to spend E10,000 on my engagement ring"? Or were you discussing it already when the figure came up? How exactly did she say it? What was the figure? How long have you been together? Are you at the stage of proposing? Have you discussed picking out a ring together, or are you picking one by yourself?

We were discussing it already. She wants to pick it out and try it on. The figure is 5K which is one month's salary for me before tax. I asked her what sort of price range she was thinking but she said she may see one she loves for half the price or less, as I said a just in case figure.

eviltwin

dubdev wrote: »

We were discussing it already. She wants to pick it out and try it on. The figure is 5K.

Again context is missing. 5k could be a drop in the ocean to you or a fortune depending on your income.

dubdev

eviltwin wrote: »

Again context is missing. 5k could be a drop in the ocean to you or a fortune depending on your income.

Sorry my posts have duplicated. 5K is one month's gross salary for me, I have it saved.

messy tessy

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

If your having doubts about her already I'd ditch her.

Well that escalated quickly!

Wesser

I am going to assume that the girlfriend is pushing for a ring at a budget that the op is not comfortable with. As it is very difficult know exactly what's going on.

I think your girlfriend should be more concerned with the marriage itself and not expensive jewels. I think she is putting too much emphasis on the bling of marriage and not the true meaning. I think you should expect more of this to come during the wedding preps if they are going ahead.

dubdev

eviltwin wrote: »

Again context is missing. 5k could be a drop in the ocean to you or a fortune depending on your income.

Sorry my posts have duplicated. 5K is one month's gross salary for me, I have it saved. I'ts not the actual amount, so much as laying it out so bare. I didn't think anything of it at the time but my friend's reaction today really got me thinking about it.

dubdev

Thanks for all your replies BTW, not often I post to a forum and have so many replies so quickly. Lots of interesting opinions...

bisounours

dubdev wrote: »

Sorry my posts have duplicated. 5K is one month's gross salary for me, I have it saved.

This is a very personal question, but what does 5k represent to her? Is it also a month's salary for her, or is it 3 month's salary?

messy tessy

dubdev wrote: »

We were discussing it already. She wants to pick it out and try it on. The figure is 5K which is one month's salary for me before tax. I asked her what sort of price range she was thinking but she said she may see one she loves for half the price or less, as I said a just in case figure.

Not sure I follow you. What is wrong with wanting to pick out something herself that she will love, and potentially at half the budget as well!! Hardly demanding behaviour!

Stheno

dubdev wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies BTW, not often I post to a forum and have so many replies so quickly. Lots of interesting opinions...

The alleged rule of thumb is three months salary or less.

FortySeven

Seems fair enough, I read it the wrong way, she seems to be limiting you. Fair play. 1 months salary is not too bad either way imo.

Made me realise I need a better job though. Fecker!

Cathmandooo

You asked her her opinion on budget, she answered and said she'd easily love a ring much cheaper? If so I don't see a problem. If she came to you demanding she'd accept nothing less than x spent then I'd run for the hills but it doesn't sound like that.

robbiezero

Would have thought 1 months salary was getting away lightly enough. I'd be happy enough if I was you.

dubdev

bisounours wrote: »

This is a very personal question, but what does 5k represent to her? Is it also a month's salary for her, or is it 3 month's salary?

Its about 1.5 month's for her I think

eviltwin

Should an engagement ring not be a joint contribution?

Faith

dubdev wrote: »

I asked her what sort of price range she was thinking

So, this can be boiled down to: "I asked a direct question and my girlfriend gave a direct answer. Should I be concerned?"

The answer is no. It's not a cause for concern. If you're not comfortable with that figure, then discuss it with her.

nice_guy80

tell her to Fupp Off

you spend what can afford

There are some great jewellers who make their own rings, to order. You will save a lot of money not going into a shop. I can pm a recommendation

looksee

So in these days of equality will she be buying you a €5000 ring too? (I'm female btw) That sounds like an outlandish amount of money to spend on a bit of jewellery, but maybe I am out of date.

bmwguy

Have you ever heard such nonsense as this. Why does your salary come into account when you are buying a ring?

eviltwin

looksee wrote: »

So in these days of equality will she be buying you a €5000 ring too? (I'm female btw) That sounds like an outlandish amount of money to spend on a bit of jewellery, but maybe I am out of date.

It's always amusing to see strong, independent women reduced to old fashioned stereotypes when a wedding is involved.

bisounours

dubdev wrote: »

Its about 1.5 month's for her I think

If you can afford it (yes) and she is on the same ground more or less financially, and the conversation played out as a "what's the max we should be spending on this" then it's fair enough.

I would be more hesitant on a conversation that went along the lines of "it's got to be at least 5K and a full carat"

dubdev

Faith wrote: »

So, this can be boiled down to: "I asked a direct question and my girlfriend gave a direct answer. Should I be concerned?"

The answer is no. It's not a cause for concern. If you're not comfortable with that figure, then discuss it with her.

Agreed. I'm not trying to imply she is being unreasonable , just my friend's reaction earlier kind of took me by surprise so got me wondering.

eviltwin

dubdev wrote: »

Agreed. I'm not trying to imply she is being unreasonable , just my friend's reaction earlier kind of took me by surprise so got me wondering.

Do you feel comfortable spending that much money on a ring? Can you justify it?

dubdev

eviltwin wrote: »

Do you feel comfortable spending that much money on a ring? Can you justify it?

Yes I saved it and was fine with it until today! My friend isn't Irish and maybe it is a cultural thing .

eviltwin

dubdev wrote: »

Yes I saved it and was fine with it until today! My friend isn't Irish and maybe it is a cultural thing .

Well then don't worry about what your friend thinks

Faith

dubdev wrote: »

Agreed. I'm not trying to imply she is being unreasonable , just my friend's reaction earlier kind of took me by surprise so got me wondering.

You can't base anything on your friends reaction. Anything could have prompted his response. Perhaps he's jealous that you're getting engaged; perhaps he is having money troubles and that set him off; perhaps he has a very different feeling about money than you; maybe he secretly loves your girlfriend and wants her for himself... I could keep going, but none of it matters.

The only thing that matters is how you feel. If you're comfortable with the figure, great. If you're not, chat to your girlfriend about it. Don't involve anyone else, because this is a personal thing.

Turtle_

nice_guy80 wrote: »

tell her to Fupp Off

you spend what can afford

There are some great jewellers who make their own rings, to order. You will save a lot of money not going into a shop. I can pm a recommendation

Read the thread, girlfriend wasn't demanding any particular amount... Rather was putting a cap on how much she was comfortable spending on it!


I've often heard of the bride buying a decent watch for the groom to about the same value. So maybe she will be reciprocating.

Corinne

It's entirely fine. Money is a difficult thing to talk about, but if you are getting married you will have to have lots of conversations about shared finances, etc.

It may not sound romantic but it's real life. My husband told me his budget when he proposed. I was horrified at the amount he was prepared to spend on a ring! We bought a ring we love for a little over half his budget. Despite objections, I paid the "little over" (we had different financial circumstances at the time so going halves was not going to happen). Be glad you can have an open conversation about finances with the person you are marrying.

XxMCRxBabyxX

looksee wrote: »

So in these days of equality will she be buying you a €5000 ring too? (I'm female btw) That sounds like an outlandish amount of money to spend on a bit of jewellery, but maybe I am out of date.

Agreement between my OH and I ahead is that he'll get a watch of the same value. I can't remember if it was a tradition he had heard of or just a warning he heeded in a law class!

Fakediamond

As other posters said, it's really up to both of you. It could be argued that she is trying to be reasonable, as in, don't let me go crazy and pick one for 8 grand or something. It's probably a good sign that she is sensible enough to be considering the price and the fact that you're paying for it!

Best wishes.

nhunter100

Nothing says 'I love you' more than a receipt for an expensive ring that serves no useful purpose.

Turtle_

nhunter100 wrote: »

Nothing says 'I love you' more than a receipt for an expensive ring that serves no useful purpose.

so don't get one, stop raining on everyone else's parade.

hearmehearye

OP, prior to talking to your girlfriend about rings, had you a price in mind? Was her figure over or under what you'd imagined? If it was under, hurrah, if it's over... Maybe get the jewler to just show rings at your budget!

promises

It is only unreasonable if you are not comfortable or cannot afford 5K. Personally I could not justify getting OH to spend 5K on jewellery even though he could. I hope to get ring I like for 500 Euro but I will be getting OH a watch of equal value. I couldn't walk around every day wearing 5K. But it's all a personal thing though. I know how my oh feels so don't need him to spend money to prove it.

nhunter100

Turtle_ wrote:

so don't get one, stop raining on everyone else's parade.

Just an opinion, you can always choose to ignore.

realitykeeper

How much are glass rings? I hear they are made to a high standard these days and you need have no worries about buying a conflict diamond. The savings would pay for the honeymoon. The ring is purely symbolic and your other half will only wear it for a few months and then it goes into the drawer for the next 50 years.

BorneTobyWilde

How Manrotic

tippgal84

I don't think 5k is an unreasonable budget to set. plus for her, who will be wearing it every day for the rest of her life I think shes allowed some input. additionally, I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted to add some funds to it should she find something more expensive she likes. this is the first of many conversations youll have together on finances so get comfortable with clarifying things.
For her, knowing a price range allows her to know what quality of ring she should be looking for. Chill and Congratulations.

Thoie

The "original" idea behind engagement rings (how true this is I don't know) was that it essentially acted as insurance for the woman. She was unlikely to work, and if he called off the engagement, she may not get another husband. Keeping the ring was supposed to provide her with something she could sell if things went bad. If she broke off the engagement, she should return the ring.

Purchasing a ring of value equal to x month's salary was just a marketing campaign.

These days when women can support themselves, and the notion of "spoiled goods" has hopefully gone the way of the dodo, there are better things you could spend money on. If you're both happy with a ring up to €5k in value, then fine, but I'd suggest starting by looking at rings for half that or less.

killanena

I recently got engaged earlier this month and my budget was 2k (1 months salary) I proposed before I got the ring at her request because she wanted to choose it herself. After looking for over a week she fell in love with one for 900. I mean she wouldn't take the thing off so the man could get her ring size to resize it xD

She knew she could have a ring that cost over twice that but thats the one she liked most after literally trying on over 100 of them. Of course it could have ended the other way and she found a ring she loved that cost twice as much as my budget. Im lucky in that regard.