Friend has delusions or something else?

LegacyUser

I feel sick just writing this

I have a friend, not very close, see each other twice a year or so, text etc. I've known him a few years. Never noticed anything unusual.

My rent is up and I'm looking for a room somewhere. This friend has a room going spare and asked if I wanted it, said yeah and met up in town last week to sort out the details.

Then, casually AF he drops into the conversation that he was talking to "Katy" that day and she's having relationship trouble. I presume Katy is a friend. He goes on, about how she emailed him about her boyfriend Orlando and wonders if he's going to get back with his ex, Miranda.

Something starts to click.

Jokingly I go, "ha, are you trying to tell me you're mates with Katy Perry?"

Sheepishly he says "yeah" and goes on to give a semi-plausible story about how they were introduced. They email frequently and she confides in him. They've met twice. He doesn't like her music or anything, isn't a fan. They've become quite close etc.

The whole time telling me this, he seems a bit awkward. He's not gloating, says he doesn't tell people cos they tend not to believe him and he knows it sounds mental. She often rings him and chats for hours. He picks up his phone, opens his gmail and points "sure look at all the emails we exchange," and indeed, he is talking to someone via email called Katy Perry and discussing personal details which are in the news, alot of which he claims are wrong.

I leave him to go home, shaking. Honestly, I have I been friends with someone with serious mental health issues all this time, and just never known?

How can I move in with him after this?

And am I right for presuming that this is a serious mental health issue, and not actually true?


Has anyone experienced this before?

bee06

Maybe he's being catfished?

dar100

Has he any other symptoms? If this is the only thing that concerns you about his behaviour/ thinking process or emotional life, I highly doubt he has mental health issues. The fact he felt awkward about it would lead me to believe it's not down to mental health. A lie possibly, but not MH

LegacyUser

OP here

Thanks very much for replies so far.

I doubt very much that a 38 year old man is going to fall for being catfished by a celebrity. I mean, if Katy Perry contacted you, would you believe it was really her?

Also, saying that you have an intimate relationship with a celebrity isn't "just" a lie. Saying you passed all your leaving cert exams is a lie. This is on another level entirely. A lie of this level is a mental health issue.

Plus, the fact that he showed me fully fledged email conversations to and from "her" means that there's an even more sinister dimension to it. I mean who is writing those emails? Himself?

There haven't been other warning signs that I can think of. As I said I don't know him incredibly well so if there were other signs I mighnt see them. He's into party drugs, has never held down a job for very long, was in hospital for an undisclosed illness a while back. These may or may not be warning signs.

jopax

Hi op,

You don't know him well if you only meet up a couple of times a year, & only know him a few years.
Its not a long established history, more like an acquaintance.
I would not be moving in, maybe this is a sign telling you that you don't actually know him.

Realt Dearg Sec

bee06 wrote: »

Maybe he's being catfished?

To a mortal certainty, this is what's happening.

Addle

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

To a mortal certainty, this is what's happening.

He says they've met twice.

Realt Dearg Sec

Addle wrote: »

He says they've met twice.

Oh...sorry... yeah don't move in!

emo72

Well how badly do you need the room? If you have alternative options use them? Or if you badly need the room, it's not the end of the world to throw in the odd "how's Katy doing today?".
Then again if he really is friends with her maybe a great adventure awaits.

rainbowtrout

whatonearthcanido? wrote: »

I feel sick just writing this


I leave him to go home, shaking. Honestly, I have I been friends with someone with serious mental health issues all this time, and just never known?

I think you're seriously over reacting. If he was that sheepish about it he possibly knows himself this person is not Katy Perry, but to admit that would mean contact with whoever it is would end. He might just be lonely and this is a form of escapism, however odd it might seem.

That, and when you only have contact with this person once or twice a year how well do you really know them????

jopax

bee06 wrote:

Maybe he's being catfished?

What does catfished mean?

Big Bag of Chips

How do you know he hasn't met her? It's not impossible.

IvoryTower

jopax wrote: »

What does catfished mean?

Google it or even better what the documentary on Netflix, I wouldn't do it justice!

jopax

Maybe it was his way of telling you he wanted to keep the spare room for Kathy in case she wanted to visit to get over her break up.

Ursus Horribilis

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

How do you know he hasn't met her? It's not impossible.

This thought crossed my mind too, though I'd be nervous about betting the farm on it!

On the other hand, it could be a symptom of something else. I worked with a guy years ago who used to sometimes say things that stretched credibility too. He had a nervous breakdown afterwards though - I'm not sure where he is now.

LegacyUser

Not sure why you're so freaked out about the possibility of your friend being mentally ill? I mean, of course it's very worrying if he is, but mental illness is just like any other illness, it can affect anyone (even someone who never showed any signs previously), and is treatable.

Also it might seem far fetched that he has been speaking to Katy Perry, but keep in mind it is possible. It's not like he showed you emails from Jesus Christ or whatever. Just seems like you're jumping to conclusions, without really knowing what the truth is right now.

Keane2baMused

Who says it's not Katy Perry?

She is an actual real human..

I'm shocked you would jump to the conclusion that he is mentally ill because of it! Over reaction !

topmanamillion

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Who says it's not Katy Perry?

She is an actual real human..

I'm shocked you would jump to the conclusion that he is mentally ill because of it! Over reaction !

Of course it's possible but it's also possible I'm Barack Obama (I am not Barack Obama or maybe that's what he would say!)

A lot of things in the story just don't add up.

Why would an American pop star regularly email/call/meet a man living in ireland?
The OP said they met twice. How did the meetings happen? Did he go to America to meet her? Did she come here to meet him? If so surely the paparazzis would pick up on this "mystery man".
If it's such a big secret why did he tell the OP, who it's been established is merely an acquaintance?

It quickly starts to unravel if you scratch away at the surface,which I believe the OP has done.

I would have a suspicion, as I think you do OP, that the "undisclosed illness" which required hospitalization was probably for mental health issues.

LegacyUser

topmanamillion wrote: »

Of course it's possible but it's also possible I'm Barack Obama (I am not Barack Obama or maybe that's what he would say!)

A lot of things in the story just don't add up.

Why would an American pop star regularly email/call/meet a man living in ireland?
The OP said they met twice. How did the meetings happen? Did he go to America to meet her? Did she come here to meet him? If so surely the paparazzis would pick up on this "mystery man".
If it's such a big secret why did he tell the OP, who it's been established is merely an acquaintance?

It quickly starts to unravel if you scratch away at the surface,which I believe the OP has done.

I would have a suspicion, as I think you do OP, that the "undisclosed illness" which required hospitalization was probably for mental health issues.

OP here,

Everything topmanamillion says is how I see this

I can’t believe people are suggesting it might be true. Jesus…

Ok. If it’s true, then in the next few weeks it’ll come out that Katy Perry dumped Orlando Bloom a while ago. She’s had a fling with Daniel Craig and is afraid it’ll come out in the press, especially as she’s interested in dating Adam Levine and doesn’t want to ruin her chances with him.

How do I know?

Because he told me after she rang him last week to talk about it.

Also, to the people asking why I’m so freaked out? Try living with a mother who is severely mentally ill and regularly experiences psychosis. Try living my life, and then tell me its “easily treated.” That when she pulls a knife from the drawer and slashes her leg that "its nothing much to worry about"

dar100

whatonearthcanido?2 wrote: »

OP here,

Everything topmanamillion says is how I see this

I can’t believe people are suggesting it might be true. Jesus…

Ok. If it’s true, then in the next few weeks it’ll come out that Katy Perry dumped Orlando Bloom a while ago. She’s had a fling with Daniel Craig and is afraid it’ll come out in the press, especially as she’s interested in dating Adam Levine and doesn’t want to ruin her chances with him.

How do I know?

Because he told me after she rang him last week to talk about it.

Also, to the people asking why I’m so freaked out? Try living with a mother who is severely mentally ill and regularly experiences psychosis. Try living my life, and then tell me its “easily treated.” That when she pulls a knife from the drawer and slashes her leg that "its nothing much teo worry about"

I suspect what is happening here is your own lived experience is influencing your reaction to this, which is something we all do.

The fact is none of us including yourself know what is going on here, however there are a couple of plausible explanations

1) he is lying to you/others to met some type of need he can't fulfil. Dosent make it a MH issue if he's conscious that he is lying, it's worrying to go to such extents, but not Mental health issue, unless other symptoms are present

2) as above in conjunction with other symptoms it may indicate MH. However psychosis involves a break from reality, you would surely notice other delusions, paranoid episodes among other things

3) a most unlikely explanation. He actually does no her and is engaging in communication, with this person.

4) he is been catfishes by someone

5) he's not hurting anyone, if you don't like it don't move in!!

LegacyUser

whatonearthcanido?2 wrote: »

Also, to the people asking why I’m so freaked out? Try living with a mother who is severely mentally ill and regularly experiences psychosis. Try living my life, and then tell me its “easily treated.” That when she pulls a knife from the drawer and slashes her leg that "its nothing much to worry about"

Ok, well you answered the question I asked right there. I'm really sorry for what you went through with your mother, but this reaction to your friends possible illness is more about you than him.

Remember that mental illness affects people differently and can be harder to treat in some people. But in general, it is absolutely treatable.

However if this situation is really upsetting you, due to the history you have with your mother, look after yourself first and foremost and distance yourself from your friend. Maybe a counsellor would help too.

12Phase

It's also possible he has an utterly weird sense of humour and is just finding spinning a yarn hilarious.

Personally, I would be keeping an eye out for the camera! It has the whiff of a hidden camera sketch, or YouTube attempt at one...

Particularly given he's shown you phone and email entries...

Merkin

I worked with a fantasist and compulsive liar a few years ago and some of the sh!te she used to come out with was mind boggling. Being a compulsive liar is a genuine mental health condition and psychosis can also cause all kinds of fantasies to seem very real to the person who is suffering. Who is to tell what is going on in his head.

I think given your own childhood history/ family background with a mother who suffers psychotic episodes, I'm not so sure moving in with him is the right thing for you to do. That is ultimately your question. You're already disturbed by his behaviour and that's not the best foot be getting off on.

LegacyUser

Maybe it's a long game joke he's trying to set someone else up with or maybe he's telling the truth or maybe he's lying or maybe it was joke that just went wrong and he didn't know how to get out of it...who knows. Known of the answers sounds like anything to get alarmed about. It sounds like you've had past experiences that have coloured your view on the issue. If you don't feel comfortable then don't move in simples.

December2012

Just remember, if it is a mental health problem it is not your job to fix it.

You may feel compelled to do something, anything, which is understandable considering your experience with your mother.

If I were you, I would not move in with this person, because it is already making you uncomfortable, and make sure that you don't get involved with any of his possible mental health issues or problems. Your job is you, not him.

December2012

Double post

LegacyUser

I can't believe people are actually suggesting this could be true, no way no chance in hell! I also can't see why everyone is asking the OP why they are so freaked out over this, this would alarm me big time! I thought about the catfish thing too but he'd have to be pretty naive to believe that. It's a sad situation but it seems that the friend may have some mental health issues. I'm not sure how close you are with him or whether you may have some mutual friends? Perhaps you could bring it up subtly with them and see whether they've noticed. Chances are he's mentioned this to someone else too. It sounds like he may need some help. If you could find alternative accommodation then I would. I'd also stay in touch to make sure he's ok, this type of thing can be really serious.

Katgurl

There is a minuscule chance it's true. I remember being filled with scorn when a guy I was dating told me he was friends with a very successful actor. "Cillian Murphy?" I queried and had to not laugh in his face when he responded "Johnny Depp". Anyway apparently it was true.

But it probably isn't true in this case.

And he's probably sick. So don't move in. Just make up an excuse and leave it at that.

beks101

Delusions about culture/religion/celebrities can be a symptom of schizophrenia. This kind of story was not uncommon from a close family member who is severely mentally ill. Not that I can formally diagnose here at all - but this as a symptom of mental illness is far more likely than any other scenario IMO.

Other scenarios - that he's being catfished or this is all a big joke - don't exactly work out too well for you either. In those cases he's either naive to the point of mental impairment or not a very nice or mature person. Which is going to make for a very difficult flatmate.

Honestly OP, I'd cut my losses. Might be a quick fix way to sort your rental woes in the short-term, but guaranteed you're going to have long-term problems if you move in with him.

PressRun

Funnily, many years ago a girl I was vaguely friendly with had an encounter with a famous American actor who was visiting Ireland and they also stayed in touch through email for some time after that. It sounded like an unbelievable story off the bat, but it was corroborated by others, so there is a possibility that these strange little things can sometimes be true, no matter how outlandish it seems.

However, it does seem as though you're very unconvinced by his story, and it does actually sound as though you've made up your mind about this. I'd be wary of suggesting he has a serious mental illness though, especially if there are no other symptoms present. You admit yourself that you're not really close with him. He might be just a bit of an oddball who enjoys spinning an elaborate yarn. That doesn't make him seriously mentally ill. The fact that he was awkward (perhaps embarrassed?) about telling you the story and freely admitted that he knew it sounded bizarre indicates some level of self-awareness. If he were genuienly experiencing some departure from reality, I'm not sure if he'd truly realise that he "sounded mental". Do you have any other friends who know him who may be able to shed some light on this and give you some info on whether or not he's okay or if he has any history of mental health problems?

At the end of the day though, with regards your living situation, you should live with people you feel comfortable around and it sounds like you wouldn't feel comfortable with this arrangement. Whether he's ill or not, you sound fairly freaked out by the whole thing, so it might be best to leave it.

Faith

This thread is a good example of why we shouldn't offer diagnoses here. While delusions may be a feature of schizophrenia, the lad has emails from "Katy". If this is all in his head, that means he has created a false email address and is conversing with himself. That is not a symptom of schizophrenia.

I think it's likely that he has been sucked in by someone who is pretending, or genuinely believes, that she is Katy Perry. Perhaps she looks like her and dresses like her and pretends to be her to people who are very suggestible (explaining how the guy met her).

Whatever the case, it doesn't matter. OP, you have had traumatic experiences regarding mental illness, and you have a heightened sensitivity to behaviours that fall outside the norm. Thus, you should not move in with this guy because you will always be on edge around him now.

Lux23

I think he is either a compulsive liar or someone who is a compulsive liar is playing him for a fool. At the end of the day OP, if this behaviour is spooking you, then maybe you would be better off finding somewhere else to live. But maybe keep why to yourself.

Flippyfloppy

Going against the grain I think but maybe it is true? Katy Perry is just another human being after all. Why don't you say to him he's probably being catfished and see what he says?

Idle Passerby

I don't really see what's so alarming about it. He's either penpals with a celebrity or someone posing as a celebrity. So what? How is it any different than if he was telling you about his friend Mary who works in a factory in Germany?

topmanamillion

Idle Passerby wrote: »

I don't really see what's so alarming about it. He's either penpals with a celebrity or someone posing as a celebrity. So what? How is it any different than if he was telling you about his friend Mary who works in a factory in Germany?

What if he had completely concocoted Mary? And he was not in contact with her.
That's the issue here not if Mary (Kate Perry) is real.

I think the OPs concerns are completely natural.
She's not convinced he's in contact with Katy Perry and I can see why.

The details he's giving /stuff he's talking about is the stuff your average 13 year old girl would know about Katy Perry.
Surely a woman that travels the world and is worth a fortune would have more to talk about than her love life!

We Wuz Kangz

Guy sounds like an Axe murderer. Op, run!

daisybelle2008

whatonearthcanido?2 wrote: »

OP here,

Everything topmanamillion says is how I see this

I can’t believe people are suggesting it might be true. Jesus…

Ok. If it’s true, then in the next few weeks it’ll come out that Katy Perry dumped Orlando Bloom a while ago. She’s had a fling with Daniel Craig and is afraid it’ll come out in the press, especially as she’s interested in dating Adam Levine and doesn’t want to ruin her chances with him.

How do I know?

Because he told me after she rang him last week to talk about it.

Also, to the people asking why I’m so freaked out? Try living with a mother who is severely mentally ill and regularly experiences psychosis. Try living my life, and then tell me its “easily treated.” That when she pulls a knife from the drawer and slashes her leg that "its nothing much to worry about"

Adam Levines heavily pregnant wife might have something to say about it
Of course it's BS, I am shocked too at some of the posters suggesting it's true!
Katy Perry (one of the hardest working pop stars) has time to spend hours on the phone to some lad in a house share in Ireland gossiping like a 13 year old girl about fellas she fancies, putting on emails that she is trying to get off with married men? Funnily she doesn't strike me as that stupid or bored.
OP best case catfish worst case mental health issue. Either way I'd be giving a wide birth to this house share. Something not right about it and anyone who has first hand experience of delusions/psychosis knows the drill with that. "Easily treated" my arse.