splitting bills with partner

Dragonfly13

Hi guys, so myself and my boyfriend started renting a house just over 6 months ago. Then the next week I was told where I was working would be closing for good in two weeks, so since then I have been on social welfare payment of 144 a week, Im starting my own business now and hope to be open this month!!
The other night he brings up how much money I owe him, he has been paying for things here and there and paying for food shopping which usually comes to 60 a week, and the occasional hair colour for me €6, the cheapest one I can get. Now I do all the housework, his laundry, all jobs like cleaning windows, the garden, I make him a variety of really good meals every day apart from maybe one take away a week that he will pay for.
But basically do you think this is fair??
I hand over 120 a week towards the house and keep 20 for my bill phone and credit union, I feel like I'm really being used here, I'm stuck in the house everyday cleaning and being a good housewife, feel like I have just aged 40 years, we are planning to have kids in the next year or two and Im worried everything will still be split down the middle or have to be repaid.
And when I start working my first few weeks will be paying off my debts to him...
Please help me put this in perspective, I don't want to mention it to people I know because obviously it's private.. Thanks in advance.x

outdoors247

So he pays 60 euro a
For shopping and you pay 120 for what ? Is it rent.if your paying 120 why should you owe anything extra

Don't have kids with him!

Dragonfly13

105 for rent bills etc and then 15 goes into savings so we can buy stuff for the house or for a rainy day kinda thing

Junkyard Tom

Dragonfly13 wrote: »

I do all the housework
his laundry
all jobs like cleaning windows
the garden
I make him a variety of really good meals every day

Figure out how much those services would cost and hand him a bill. If he kicks up a fuss just leave and cut off all contact forevermore and get on with your life.

Ciderswigger

Junkyard Tom wrote: »

Figure out how much those services would cost and hand him a bill. If he kicks up a fuss just leave and cut off all contact forevermore and get on with your life.

This! 100 times this!
He's been keeping a tab for the last 6 months? Tell him to get fücked.

Edit: How much does he say you owe? Is there an itemised bill?

outdoors247

Ya cut your loses sounds like he needs a maid/mammy not a gf

Dragonfly13

Thanks, it's really affecting my confidence aswel, he comes back from work and watches telly and I won't finish doing stuff until like 10 or 11..i Also had to sell my car which has left me completely dependant on him...

The Backwards Man

Run a mile!

And charge the tight bastard mileage!

Dragonfly13

Dragonfly13 wrote: »

Hi guys, so myself and my boyfriend started renting a house just over 6 months ago. Then the next week I was told where I was working would be closing for good in two weeks, so since then I have been on social welfare payment of 144 a week, Im starting my own business now and hope to be open this month!!
The other night he brings up how much money I owe him, he has been paying for things here and there and paying for food shopping which usually comes to 60 a week, and the occasional hair colour for me €6, the cheapest one I can get. Now I do all the housework, his laundry, all jobs like cleaning windows, the garden, I make him a variety of really good meals every day apart from maybe one take away a week that he will pay for.
But basically do you think this is fair??
I hand over 120 a week towards the house and keep 20 for my bill phone and credit union, I feel like I'm really being used here, I'm stuck in the house everyday cleaning and being a good housewife, feel like I have just aged 40 years, we are planning to have kids in the next year or two and Im worried everything will still be split down the middle or have to be repaid.
And when I start working my first few weeks will be paying off my debts to him...
Please help me put this in perspective, I don't want to mention it to people I know because obviously it's private.. Thanks in advance.x

Leave him now and do not have kids with him. Whats he leaving you with 10 quid in phone credit and 14 quid towards the credit union, man is a cheapskate lowlife.

If he loved you he would not be bringing up "how much you owe him"

CFlat

Try with-holding sex. When he asks whats wrong, tell him you're tired with all the work you do around the house and the worry you are having wondering where you're going to get the money to pay him back.

That should shut him up.

Two Tone

I guess those are jobs that have to be done anyway though - and I think it is fair to do them if you are at home all day (although he could contribute towards them in the evenings and on his days off, which would be the case if you were working) but do your rent and mutual utilities add up to €240 between you every week? Why not just pay your share of bills as they come in?

PARlance

You know the answer yourself OP. Don't try to convince yourself that you don't.

OP if you need to post on an Internet forum about whether or not your boyfriend is being fair regarding money then something isn't right.

Can the pair of you not sit down and talk about it?

The Backwards Man

I wouldn't treat my worst enemy like that.

Well, fair enough I'd probably shoot them, but I wouldn't charge them for the bullet

CFlat

Deleted User wrote: »

OP if you need to post on an Internet forum about whether or not your boyfriend is being fair regarding money then something isn't right.

Can the pair of you not sit down and talk about it?

I'd imagine any meeting she has with him, he'd probably charge her an hourly rate.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

policarp

He's a mammies boy.
Ask him if he wants to have kids with his mammy.

policarp

policarp wrote: »

He's a mammies boy.
Ask him if he wants to have kids with his mammy.

This creep would jump at it, she probably still has his old baby clothes for hand me downs.

Jamie2k9

Time to dump him!

What sort of job does he have and is it well paid?
Putting 120 towards things weekly is a lot considering you have next to nothing left for yourself. Whatever you do don't have kids with him.

He might have a point if you were always depending on him to foot the bills but clearly your weren't.

Curious whats your new business?

The Backwards Man

I dunno, maybe I'm odd and set in my ways because I pay everything for myself as I live on my own, but there's no way in hell I'd live with someone, be it family member, housemates or partner, where bills are itemised in that way, you owe this and she owes that and he owes the other bollocks. You pay what you can or you fcuk off.

Dragonfly13

You're so right, his mother is actually a big problem. His parents owe him money and as we speak are on holidays for two weeks, but he's not pissed off because they deserve it, I told him well when I'm making money again I'll being getting massages and breaks away because I deserve it.

I'm going to be doing beauty, massage and semi permanent make up

HornyDevil

He sounds a cheapskate asshole. Find yourself another guy who better appreciates you. Do you have a picture you could post?

jamesbere

Kill him

Junkyard Tom

Dance out the door singing this Dragonfly!

Dragonfly13

Haha you guys are great! Definitely giving me a laugh here

Guess what song he is waking up to in the morning at full volume

The Backwards Man

Junkyard Tom wrote: »

Dance out the door singing this Dragonfly!

Crazylegs Crane, he was mad for the dragonflies!

eeguy

Well how much do you owe him?

In fairness, I gave my gf €1500 over the course of 6 months for various bills she racked up, holidays and the like.

I expected to get paid back for this and I did. I'd never look for money for day to day stuff and we'd take each other out for dinner regularly and no one keeps track.

Junkyard Tom wrote: »

Dance out the door singing this Dragonfly!

Just so long as you don't wake up to this the morning after
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxSEW3sUitA

jamesbere

Dragonfly13 wrote: »

Haha you guys are great! Definitely giving me a laugh here

Guess what song he is waking up to in the morning at full volume

Money, Pink Floyd

Junkyard Tom

eeguy wrote: »

Just so long as you don't wake up to this the morning after
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxSEW3sUitA

She's setting up her own business ffs! We're going to be rich!


We.

imfml

At first I came here to defend him. Then I read that you're paying what you can, working in the home and starting a business! It may be a while before you start to make money in a new business, all the time racking up 'debts'.

Tell him you want to move somewhere with cheaper rent, cut your household bills and reduce your weekly spend so as not to aquire more debt. Hopefully he'll see sense. If he doesn't, run!

When someone in a couple makes more money then the other person, it's simple. Either the couple split everything 50/50, which means they are limited in their lifestyle by the person with the smaller income, or else the higher earner shares!

If he can't see that by sharing his higher income you both get a better lifestyle together, ask him would he be happier without you and lots of money in the bank?

Contributor 2013

When finances come into a relationship as a major issue it's time to part ways.

If you're with the person you're with whatever, money doesn't come into it.

Dragonfly13

Well when I had my job I was earning a hell of a lot more than him, was driving my nice audi, got my hair done every few weeks, now I'm walking everywhere, doing my own hair and being a maid :-(

Dragonfly13

Dragonfly13 wrote: »

Well when I had my job I was earning a hell of a lot more than him, was driving my nice audi a6, got my hair done every few weeks, now I'm walking everywhere, doing my own hair and being a maid :-(
He says I owe him about 1500, which I'm going to check out, I've kept all receipts so we will see

Look being dead serious here, when he is asking you for money, you dont believe it and want to check receipts its time to leave. seriously.

Minderbinder

If he is like that with money then he doesn't love you, OP.

And to be honest if you're on here getting cheap laughs at his expense I doubt very much that you love him.

Couples are a team. They defend each other. When you're at the stage of thinking about kids there should be no 'his money' or 'your money'. There should be no badmouthing each other regardless of anonymity.

topmanamillion

I think I'd run a mile.

It's one thing if you'd taken a loan but you were unemployed and you contributed a huge amount of your to the bills and did a disproportionate amount of the house work.

If he doesn't appreciate the house work you do now that won't change when it quadruples with kids.

Minderbinder

Minderbinder wrote: »

If he is like that with money then he doesn't love you, OP.

And to be honest if you're on here getting cheap laughs at his expense I doubt very much that you love him.

Couples are a team. They defend each other. When you're at the stage of thinking about kids there should be no 'his money' or 'your money'. There should be no badmouthing each other regardless of anonymity.

If I could thank this post a million times I would.

eeguy

Junkyard Tom wrote: »

She's setting up her own business ffs! We're going to be rich!


We.

Is that an inclusive or exclusive "we"?

Am I going to get rich?

Junkyard Tom

When your loved-one is getting knocked around by life you step in and take the punches for them for a while. If they're a good person they'll be well chuffed with you and it'll come back around.

Junkyard Tom

eeguy wrote: »

Is that an inclusive or exclusive "we"?

Am I going to get rich?

Inclusive. We're all in this together now!

CFlat

Dragonfly13 wrote: »

Well when I had my job I was earning a hell of a lot more than him, was driving my nice audi a6, got my hair done every few weeks, now I'm walking everywhere, doing my own hair and being a maid :-(
He says I owe him about 1500, which I'm going to check out, I've kept all receipts so we will see

Why would he mention that you owe him 1500 quid when you clearly are not in a financial position to pay him. It's a rotten thing to do to anyone who is under pressure but to do it to your partner when she's trying to set up a business is reprehensible. Run away, run as fast as you can.

Two Tone

€15 per week towards savings - drop that anyway for starters. You are simply not in a position to afford it. Find out if you are overpaying towards utilities too when you are paying that set amount every week. Utility bills vary - and electricity/heating bills are obviously going to lower considerably at this time of year.

Stigura

Imagine how it would be for any kids? Growing up to be getting handed a bill for eighteen years of being fed, clothed and homed etc.

There's just something very fundamentally wrong with this PIS's perspective, OP. I'm not a psychiatrist. But, this kind of thought process smacks of psychopathic.

GTFO.

GO!

Canis Lupus

Dragonfly13 wrote: »

Well when I had my job I was earning a hell of a lot more than him, was driving my nice audi a6, got my hair done every few weeks, now I'm walking everywhere, doing my own hair and being a maid :-(
He says I owe him about 1500, which I'm going to check out, I've kept all receipts so we will see

Your boyfriends a d1ck.

NikoTopps

Jaysus OP, I can only echo what everyone else has said and tell you to watch yourself.

Myself and my boyfriend are on similar incomes, our bills like rent, electricity, health insurance, Internet, Netflix, Spotify etc are all split 50/50 as they come out of a joint account we both pay into.

However our phone bills are separate from our own accounts and we tend not to ever do a weekly shop, we both just get things when we're in the shop. When we go out be it for a meal or drinks we'd pay each others or one of us would treat the other.

I think I'd have a heart attack one day if he turned around asking me to pay my "tab"! :pac: You'd wonder why he's even in a relationship at all as all he seems to care about is €, € and €!

eeguy

Stigura wrote: »

, OP. I'm not a psychiatrist. But, this kind of thought process smacks of psychopathic.

That is abundantly clear.

policarp

Junkyard Tom wrote: »

Inclusive. We're all in this together now!

The royal WE.

We are not amused.

PLL

Sorry to be blunt but don't have kids with someone like that.

Lyaiera

Even my local doesn't ask me to pay for everything I consume there. Get rid of him.

Stigura

Stigura wrote: »

I'm not a psychiatrist.

eeguy wrote: »

That is abundantly clear.

It seems I should bow to your superior understanding; Professor ....?

eeguy

Stigura wrote: »

It seems I should bow to your superior understanding; Professor ....?

Crane. And it's Doctor.