Girlfriend Met Up With Her Ex

Zipp101

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 5 months.

Yesterday I had a friend visiting from abroad and arranged to pick her up when she arrived at the bus station around 9.30 at night. My girlfriend, whom I had spent the morning told me the whole day that she was in the Library studying. I asked would she like to meet up in the afternoon but she said she had too much work to do. That was no problem.. we would meet that night and all head to a party of a mutual friend.

So my girlfriend told me she would give me a call around 9.30 to meet up and head to the party.

So I arrive at the bus station to pick up my friend (it's a big bus station).

As I walk through the buses I see my girlfriend waiting beside a bus as it is just about to move off and she has some sort of souvenier in her hands. My initial happy surprise at seeing her turned to confusion.

I had not expected to see her here and asked what she was doing... She gets a little flustered and explains to me that her ex-boyfriend had been in town to visit his parents and that he had called to meet her last minute.She said that they still have a friendly relationship and he's an important person in her life. She was apologetic and told me that she should have told me. The gift she had was from him so I doubt that meeting up could have been too last minute.

Had I arrived a minute earlier I would have seen them saying goodbye outside the bus. The image of seeing her there waving him off makes my heart sink completely.

She told me that she has a good relationship with all her ex-boyfriends and she thought it would have been easier to just not tell me. It happened yesterday and we have yet to chat about it properly because of my friend visiting. For her it is not a big deal she says, but she insists they are just friends and wants to be with me.

Everything had been going fantastic before this but now I can't get the image of her outside the bus out of my head.

leggo

If it was cool and not a big deal, why lie then? The lie is all you need to know. It doesn't matter about the merits of the excuse.

armaghlad

That's strike 1. The old me would say give her another chance; but having experienced girls like this before; I'd send her on. Lying about seeing an ex. That's like top of the list of things not to lie about!

05eaftqbrs9jlh

Sounds like she's collecting men in case of necessity. You likely can't trust someone who is dishonest about that. She clearly thrives on more male attention than you can provide for her. I'd say run a mile, unless you have the kind of open communication that allows for discussion and reconciliation, but at five months couples seldom do.

You need to ask yourself, is this worth the heartache and inferiority complex which will inevitably come from her treating you like a disposable boyfriend? You could take a chance and try again until the next knock, but I think, from experience, once a sneak, always a sneak.

Keane2baMused

No no no.

OP an ex doesn't just land at your front door and then you happen to wave them off on the bus (souvenir in hand!?!)

This was arranged and she lied to you.

Run a mile and find a woman who is fully committed, honest and respectful.

Big Bag of Chips

It may be all innocent, but the fact that she's lying has you on edge. Maybe she's lying out of immaturity. If an ex showed up unexpectedly to see me, I certainly wouldn't be waving them off at a bus station! I might drop them there, walk with them but I'd be leaving them there and as soon as they stepped on the bus I'd be gone. Not standing beside it waiting for it to move off.

You could give her a chance. Only you know. But you need to tell her that what she has done has really rocked you and made you feel weird. She's friends with all her exes? Did you know this? Have you seen her being in contact with any other exes in your time together? It's either than she is really immature and incapable of conducting an adult relationship where she feels she needs to hide things from you. Or she's cheating/cheated on you.

leggo

For me, you don't even need to know if she's cheating. The most hurtful thing about cheating, the thing that lingers and rots a relationship, is the breaking of trust. She's done that already. And many, myself included, would call sneaking around behind a partner's back to see an ex a form of cheating. There doesn't need to be a kiss or sex to solidify it. The ship has sailed on whether or not she's done a bad thing. He caught her. She got flustered and fed him a lot of excuses (always beware giving multiple different excuses when trying to identify a liar - "he called me by surprise", "I stay friends with all my exes", "I thought it'd be best if I didn't tell you", she's literally throwing dirt at the wall here hoping something will stick). The deed is done.

Turtle_

I actually don't know of anyone who actually stays friends with their ex... like, anyone. Courteous and civil, yes; friends, no.

Johnnyhpipe

Having being burned before in similar fashion I suggest you issue her the p45 quick.

Kidchameleon

Thats a tough one OP. Did she know you would be at the bus station picking your friend up? If she was up to no good she hardly would have gone there

Ursus Horribilis

I don't buy the last minute story either. But on the other hand, there might not have been anything particularly sinister going on here. Maybe she genuinely only met her ex as a friend but thought it'd be easier to secretly meet him rather than have to explain who he was etc. to you. I don't know you, I don't know her, I don't know what your dynamic is.

I think you'll find yourself coming up with an answer to this over time. If you find yourself continuing to doubt what she said and you start wondering what she's really doing, then cut your losses.

tara73

it's a really weird one from the situation she knew you'll be at the bus station too, so the possibilities you both will meet there were kind of high...

like somebody else said, we don't know her, could be she's the naive type and she didn't realise it's a big deal for you (and for almost anybody). Only you can find this out and make your decision based on her personality.

Personally, I think my trust would be gone if my partner is meeting exes behind my back. How can you know what she's doing with them if she's meeting up behind your back?

Completely normal and healthy reaction trust is gone or at least severely damaged and if she really cares for you she should be really worried how to get your trust back.

suicide_circus

She knew you were picking a friend up from the bus station yet decides to have a secret meeting with he ex at the same bus station? She's either not very bright or has utter contempt for you and your relationship.

StripedBoxers

I would end the relationship myself. I would feel extremely uncomfortable if a partner of mine was sneaking around behind my back to meet an ex. I would wonder what else my partner was up to without me knowing or suspecting.

Personally, if they do it once, they will do it again, but will be a lot more careful and discreet about it. As for the souvenir, I don't buy for one second that it was last minute. I would say it was very much planned in advance.

For me personally, the trust would severely damaged and would take a lot of work to rebuild and I think after five months it is a lot of work to try and rebuild something so massive and it will put a lot of strain on a new relationship.

SeaBreezes

Run.
No phone? No text? 'Oh Darling, guess who just popped into town, Ive decided to skip study, if your free fancy hanging with us'?
No? Run.

Zipp101

Her ex was getting that bus to the airport to go back to Germany where he lives. He was home visiting his parents and they met up for a few hours. They dated for 3 years and he helped her through a time when her mother was very sick.So they have a friendly relationship.

She didn't sleep last night. She wrote me a long letter and gave it to me this morning explaining that in this case it was better not to tell me and that she didn't want it to affect our relationship.

She is telling the truth but the idea that she still counts on this guy makes me a little uneasy. Is this normal ?

B.A._Baracus

Ah come on zip
She wrote a letter saying how it was best not to tell you?
... Doesn't that make her the caring and innocent person. Sorry to say but the cheek of her!

You catch her lying saying she was busy doing other things but in fact with her ex.
Then she says it was a last minute thing but yet he had a gift for her.
Then when everything is out of the bag she spins it so it was 'for the best' to not tell you.

Am sorry man. But you sure you really want to continue?

jcd5971

It's the lie really, you might think it's the ex that made you uncomfortable but it's not it's the lie about the ex.

In my experience both myself and friends over the years, this is a Pandora's box type problem, the trust is cracked and it never really goes back together properly.

Big Bag of Chips

Does her ex know she's now with you? She lied. She got caught, so now she's lying a bit more to try get out of it. Are you usually jealous and possessive? Would she have reason to believe that "it was for the best" to lie to you? Could she not have told you, and invited you along? Someone doesn't come home from Germany and last minute turn up on a friend's doorstep, a few hours before going home. They arrange it to make sure the person is available. Because their time is very limited so they want to make the most of it. If someone isn't available they won't waste time travelling to them only to find that out on the doorstep.

I think your gf might be completely innocent in terms of guilt/innocence, or she may be innocent in terms of not realising what being in a proper relationship entails. You know her. You know if she's a bit naieve to the ways of the world. But I think you need to leave her in NO DOUBT that her behaviour has been very damaging to your relationship. I'd probably give her another chance. But I'm a bit of a soft touch!

Edit: At the end of the day if she "thought it best" not to tell you, then she had a feeling it might upset you. But she did it anyway. Will that become a pattern in your relationship?

LegacyUser

Was in a slightly similar position. My (now ex) boyfriends ex girlfriend was fairly regularly messaging him things like 'happy birthday', 'thinking of your mom' and telling him her life story etc, and he was responding. He even responded to her when he was on a weeks holiday with me that I had paid for.
We tired to rebuild things but a couple of months ago she rang him concocting some BS about credit card details being stolen. I thought I could handle it but I brought it up a few days after he told me and he just stonewalled me, I got upset. We broke up the next day.

I think of course you should be civil to your exes, but when people are still that much involved with them there's something there, even if it's only a small thing, it's there. I also got told the excuse of not telling you in case it was better for you and not to affect your relationship. It's a copout. She could have mentioned it to you in passing from the start. She hasn't and now there's a dent in the trust. I don't know if it can be repaired. It's up to you if you think she's worth it and you can rebuild trust again. I guess you could try again and see.

leggo

Yeah it's not the meeting, it's the lying about the meeting that matters here. I'm not 100% of the view that it's impossible to be friends with an ex. It can work, with certain situations and boundaries in place and a LOT of up front honesty with your current partner. That's not the problem here.

What you need to look at is that she knew she was doing something wrong, so it's almost okay to let your mind wander here to the worst case scenario, as if she wasn't then it'd be in her best interest to not risk getting caught by lying. The truth was too ugly to tell so she decided to keep it from you, rather than involve you in the decision and risk getting told what she didn't want to hear.

Do you honestly think she'd have lost sleep if you didn't see her? She's sorry because she got caught, not sorry because she lied. She's looking for forgiveness to sooth her own conscience, she already decided beforehand that your feelings didn't matter here, else she'd have kept you informed.

Sorry dude.

ShaShaBear

Well here's the deal. Her workload was so heavy that she couldn't make time to see you this afternoon. But she was able to make time for her ex-boyfriend. It was NOT last minute if he had the foresight to take a gift for her. He knew he was going to meet her while he was home and it was either arranged while he was in Germany or when he got back home. Which would quite fairly suggest that the ruse of going to study was in it's entirety a planned lie to cover for her whereabouts for the whole day. She'd been studying since morning after you saw her and was also with him for a few hours while studying? Sounds to me like she wasn't studying at all

To be honest, she's royally having you on - make no mistake. Almost no-one is that good of friends with an ex because there is a resounding reason they are not still together which changes how you view the person post-relationship. On the rare occasion that one WOULD be that friendly with someone they used to date, it would be more than sensible to make that clear at the start of a new relationship.

Alf Veedersane

Just going to thrown this out in a Devil's Advocate type of way....

She hid the fact that she was meeting the ex, who she no longer has any romantic designs on, thinking it was a better option than opening up a can of worms that might create more problems than it was worth.

Not saying it was right but I can sort of understand the kind of thinking behind hiding it.

I was in a similar situation except she told me the ex had asked to meet up. We were about 4-5 months together at the time, or thereabouts. She didn't meet him as it happens but if she had I know there would have been nothing in it.

But I also don't think I'd have been ok with it if she had said she wouldn't and did meet him.

I completely understand why people say to get out before you get hurt but I'm just saying I understand why she thought that she took the better option by hiding it even if it was the wrong thing to do.

But I say that not knowing what I'd have done in that situation

ShaShaBear

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

She said she hid the fact that she was meeting the ex, who she no longer has any romantic designs on, thinking it was a better option than opening up a can of worms that might create more problems than it was worth.

Operative words added in there.

Alf Veedersane

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Operative words added in there.

You misunderstood what I was saying. I painted the picture that that's what she did.

I'm not saying its what the case was but it's not not implausible.

And I'm not defending it.

Clampdown

Not too hard to figure out what going on. I think most of us have used the old 'studying' line, but usually on our parents not our partner.

retro:electro

I wouldn't be so sure that this was the only time she met him while he was home either

Augme

I'm friends with a good few of my ex's and see them quite often. Some people have found it too much of a problem, which is fine with me. But I'd never lie about it or not tell them that I'm not meeting them because if you do that it's game over. As people have said once that trust is broken it makes for a very unpleasant relationship. Next time she says she's going to doing X, are you going to believe her? Or are you going to be sitting there thinking she's lying? Having knot in your stomach questioning her and what she's doing will drive you insane. Get out now and avoid all of that.

ShaShaBear

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

You misunderstood what I was saying. I painted the picture that that's what she did.

I'm not saying its what the case was but it's not not implausible.

And I'm not defending it.

Apologies, I thought you were running with the notion that she was telling the truth and you could understand her reasoning.

Alf Veedersane

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Apologies, I thought you were running with the notion that she was telling the truth and you could understand her reasoning.

I was offering the alternative view that it is possible that she did something stupid where it's possible that she thought she was doing the right thing.

I think it's possible and I don't think it has to mean there's no hope but I did add that I don't know how well I'd react to it

leggo

Augme wrote: »

I'm friends with a good few of my ex's and see them quite often. Some people have found it too much of a problem, which is fine with me. But I'd never lie about it or not tell them that I'm not meeting them because if you do that it's game over. As people have said once that trust is broken it makes for a very unpleasant relationship. Next time she says she's going to doing X, are you going to believe her? Or are you going to be sitting there thinking she's lying? Having knot in your stomach questioning her and what she's doing will drive you insane. Get out now and avoid all of that.

Out of interest, and feel free to shut me down mods if you feel it's dragging too far off-topic for PI, but do you feel that when people have said it's too much for them that it's wasteful to burn bridges on a potential future because of some people from your past?

JJayoo

So she knew you were going to the bus station to pick up your friend at a specific time, but then was surprised to see you there at the exact same time?

But as people have said, staying friends with an ex is pure bull.

pookie82

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Well here's the deal. Her workload was so heavy that she couldn't make time to see you this afternoon. But she was able to make time for her ex-boyfriend. It was NOT last minute if he had the foresight to take a gift for her. He knew he was going to meet her while he was home and it was either arranged while he was in Germany or when he got back home. Which would quite fairly suggest that the ruse of going to study was in it's entirety a planned lie to cover for her whereabouts for the whole day. She'd been studying since morning after you saw her and was also with him for a few hours while studying? Sounds to me like she wasn't studying at all

I would second this 100%. The studying all day excuse was a complete ruse. Don't let her pretend the ex dropped her a line with 5 minutes to go. And even if he had, she abandoned hours of study for him at the drop of a hat that she couldn't for you?

I can't imagine what it must have felt like to see her sitting there holding a gift from him as his bus drove off. That must have been quite cutting.

Whether they're utterly platonic or have unfinished business isn't the issue here - it's her willingness to lie about something and cover up her whereabouts, only to get caught red handed. How awful for you to then have to pretend all was grand and entertain a visiting friend after discovering this bombshell.

It's a very unhealthy habit to get into - "deciding" what your other half should and shouldn't know and being selective with the truth. I would take offence at her insisting it was done to avoid confrontation or protect you. Protect you from what? Has she been open and honest in the first place there'd be nothing to protect.

If you do intend on salvaging things you need to make that distinction really clear. It's not her place to decide what you are or aren't ok with - it's yours. If she had any respect for you, she'd have given you the option to say "hey I'm a little put out by this" or "yeah that's cool, enjoy your catch up".

She did neither and just hoped she just wouldn't get caught.

Sapphire

Zipp101 wrote: »

Her ex was getting that bus to the airport to go back to Germany where he lives. He was home visiting his parents and they met up for a few hours. They dated for 3 years and he helped her through a time when her mother was very sick.So they have a friendly relationship.

She didn't sleep last night. She wrote me a long letter and gave it to me this morning explaining that in this case it was better not to tell me and that she didn't want it to affect our relationship.

She is telling the truth but the idea that she still counts on this guy makes me a little uneasy. Is this normal ?

Here's the thing. Innocent or guilty of doing something behind your back, she doesn't get to decide this for you both.

Lets say it's an innocent scenario, and she didn't tell you because she felt it would be best, like she says in her letter. Would she decide to delete the voice-mail offering you a great job because she knows best for you? Or not pass on an important message from a friend or family member because she knows best? That's quite controlling behaviour don't you think?

If she did have a bit of a spark for her ex, then that's not good either. Neither scenarios are favourable tbh, and after only a few months in, why would anyone even bother with all this head-fcukery? The most plausible explanation is usually the simplist one. She said she was going to study and met him instead for the day and you caught her red handed in a lie.

By the way, the long letter is waayyy overkill imo. That's not the reaction of someone just innocently bumping into a buddy who used to be an ex. It smacks of someone trying desperately to convince you of something. It's only been a few months so maybe ask yourself if its worth it.

IvoryTower

I could probably deal with an apology for the lie and a truthful explanation .A letter telling me she done the right thing would piss me off more than anything.

She needs to get her head out of her arse and start telling the truth if it's not too late already. Then you can make your own mind up.

Augme

leggo wrote: »

Out of interest, and feel free to shut me down mods if you feel it's dragging too far off-topic for PI, but do you feel that when people have said it's too much for them that it's wasteful to burn bridges on a potential future because of some people from your past?

Not 100% sure what you mean here. Do you mean have I thought about cutting contact with ex's for a potential partner?

leggo

Augme wrote: »

Not 100% sure what you mean here. Do you mean have I thought about cutting contact with ex's for a potential partner?

Well you said people have found it too tough to deal with, so I assume that means you've lost people because of exes. I guess I'm asking do you feel that's worthwhile? Again just out of curiosity.

Augme

leggo wrote: »

Well you said people have found it too tough to deal with, so I assume that means you've lost people because of exes. I guess I'm asking do you feel that's worthwhile? Again just out of curiosity.

Yea definitely feel it's worthwhile. The line you said last time "some people your past" wouldn't be accurate. I'd be sacrificing someone from my current. A few reasons - you can't build a good relationship when there isn't trust there. When people have issues with ex's it basically a trust issue. That's not a good sign for a successful relationship. When asked to pick, or at least start limiting contact I've just lost all respect for that person and it's very difficult to look at them the same way. Best way to describe it would be like when someone cheats on you, even if the relationship continues there's always a scar from it. Generally the issue comes up early on so sacrificing a few very good long-term friendships for someone I know a few months just strikes me as a really bad idea.

IvoryTower

I stayed friends with some of my exs, as soon as one of us ended up in a serious relationship the "friendship" fizzled out pretty quick

tara73

IvoryTower wrote: »

I stayed friends with some of my exs, as soon as one of us ended up in a serious relationship the "friendship" fizzled out pretty quick

I think this answers the stuff in a nutshell. I stayed friends with exes for a pretty long time but as soon as somebody was in a serious relationship, nobody felt the need to meet up regulary anymore. Exes are never the same friends as no-ex-friends.

Katgurl

I wrote a big reply and it got eaten so apologies if i'm repeating myself:

Anyway in a nutshell:

Staying friends with an ex... fine
Meeting up with him on the fly before letting you know... also fine
Maintaining she was right to lie and would do it again... no no no, not on at all.

I have been that soldier with a previous boyfriend (in an almost identical situation) trying to see his point of view, why did he feel the need to lie to me, was it actually any of my business, shouldn't i just trust him regardless, me trying to communicate effectively that I would not have kept it from him & it hurt me and made me feel devalued etc.

Honestly, i would not do it again. I would just walk away If two people are not on the same page about what is fundamentally acceptable in a relationship then you are fighting a losing battle. The years of subsequent rows that followed with that guy were all around the same thing; he was consistently dishonest and then ironically massively distrustful (he tarred me with his own brush).

And as an aside; the dramatic letter talking about all the times he saw through with her? That doesn't sound like a platonic friendship to me.

Saipanne

You've gotten good advice so far, so I'll be short and say she lied to you in a really suspicious way, and that's enough to break up after just five months.

Big Bag of Chips

I'm just wondering if you hadn't found her standing at the bus, just say you bumped into her somewhere in the station (which she might have thought would happen), was she going to explain her being there as she came along to meet you picking up your friend? To surprise you? She knew you were going to be there at 9:30. She told you she'd contact you around 9:30.. when she knew her ex would be gone.

She seems very fond of this fella who helped her through tough times? He seems very fond of her if he's arranging to meet her on his limited time home and bringing a little gift for her. I wonder is the only reason they are not together because he lives in Germany? Or as someone else mentioned, did she meet up with him a few times while he was home? Is it possible they have a Long Distance thing going on and you're the "here and now" boyfriend?

beks101

I'd see it as disloyal tbh. Setting you completely out of her mind and meeting up with some guy who she's "been through a lot with."

Most of us have been through realms of sh1t with our exes. Tidal waves of emotions and traumas and ups and downs and life changes. That's usually what happens when you have a partner. And then you break up and meet someone new who assumes that same position. You don't dilly-dally between the two or keep that tie with the old guy unbeknownst to Mr New - because your ex is your ex for a reason and part of being an adult means that you respect and consider the feelings of the people in your life and you don't get to have your cake and eat it just because you bloody well want to.

She just thought "great, John's in town. I'll go and meet him when Michael's busy and just tell him I'm in the library, can't be dealing with him!" That's your best case scenario. Others are that it was more cunning and more malicious and she actually entertained or expressed emotions that are entirely inappropriate outside of her own relationship. Or that she's considering getting back with him. Or that she's sussing out her options. How the hell can you know, given the complete lack of honesty she's just demonstrated?

It's very hard to build a healthy relationship with someone who places you lower in the pecking order than you do them.

jcd5971

Is this thread not just going in circles at this stage op has got as much advice as he's going to by now

Zipp101

I should say that in the letter she said it was selfish of her for not telling me and that she apolgises for that. She has been very apologetic and says there was nothing in it and that she just didn't want to ruin anything between us.

I'm going through phases of accepting what happened and being fine and then just picturing scenarios.

For example :

She was also in the library on the Monday when I texted her. However when I said I'd drop in to the library on my way home she was suddenly already on her way home. I thought nothing of that at the time, but now I'm wondering..

The gift he gave here was a green cup with Celtic writing on it - the gift looked Irish.
I've seen on her Facebook that she had a thing with an Irish guy before but she told me the ex-boyfriend she met was from another part of Spain (she's Spanish).
Was it the Irish guy she had a thing with coming back to visit ?

She saw me plenty of times that same week and stayed over in my place twice (she lives with her parents).

We met up tonight but I don't want to drag this issue back up... should I just accept her excuse or ask these questions ?

Turtle_

Zipp101 wrote: »

We met up tonight but I don't want to drag this issue back up... should I just accept her excuse or ask these questions ?

ASK! Oh my god, ask whatever questions you have and keep asking until you're either satisfied that there was nothing there, or until you've had enough and want out. She owes you that at least!

leggo

I think you know the advice you're going to get here and you're probably not going to get told what you want to hear. But it's your life and you're living the situation so may be reading things better than we are, so do whatever you think is best and makes you happy.

Rekop dog

Zipp101 wrote: »

I'm going through phases of accepting what happened and being fine and then just picturing scenarios.

For example :

She was also in the library on the Monday when I texted her. However when I said I'd drop in to the library on my way home she was suddenly already on her way home. I thought nothing of that at the time, but now I'm wondering..

You realise if you stay with her your future will consist of lots of similar scenarios where you're going to be doubting her word, you're understandably wary of her now and its a pretty mentally draining way to proceed... Her actions will probably force you into being someone you don't want to be, a distrusting wreck. You should really consider whether you want to do that to yourself.

Saipanne

Zipp101 wrote: »

I should say that in the letter she said it was selfish of her for not telling me and that she apolgises for that. She has been very apologetic and says there was nothing in it and that she just didn't want to ruin anything between us.

I'm going through phases of accepting what happened and being fine and then just picturing scenarios.

For example :

She was also in the library on the Monday when I texted her. However when I said I'd drop in to the library on my way home she was suddenly already on her way home. I thought nothing of that at the time, but now I'm wondering..

The gift he gave here was a green cup with Celtic writing on it - the gift looked Irish.
I've seen on her Facebook that she had a thing with an Irish guy before but she told me the ex-boyfriend she met was from another part of Spain (she's Spanish).
Was it the Irish guy she had a thing with coming back to visit ?

She saw me plenty of times that same week and stayed over in my place twice (she lives with her parents).

We met up tonight but I don't want to drag this issue back up... should I just accept her excuse or ask these questions ?

I'm not sure how you can trust her after that, but you seem to be leaning towards forgiving her, so I wish you all the best with that.

timmy880

I'd end this relationship straight away if this happened to me. Think of all the doubt this will cause in the future everytime she says she is studying or working. Also the fact that she lied about this lacks any trust and she probably met him more than once while he was at home. The letter defending her actions just makes things worse. At the end of the day, she put meeting this guy while he was at home as her main priority over study/being honest with you/workload (or whatever other excuses she used) and that is just not on. I know it's cliche but honesty and trust is everything in a relationship.

I'm very cynical in general when it comes to people meeting up with ex's as I dated a girl who ended up sleeping with her ex while seeing me and it led to me never trusting someone who is friends with an ex but I do believe you deserve better than a girl who lies to you. Also, if it was the other way around and you were caught lying to her about meeting an ex, I doubt a letter explaining why you were right to do so would suffice as a fix to the situation. Good luck with how you proceed OP.