Father should bring young daughter into ladies or gents public toilets?

Cienciano

Just wondering what people do here. I'm a father and I have a daughter that's just turned 3. When out in public and she needs to go to the toilet, which toilet do you use?
Mens are usually a bit dirtier, píss on the seats and the floor and she has to sit on the seat obviously. Also, she doesn't like going into the mens because she knows it's the mens because of the symbol on the door, she asks to go into the girls.
But on the other hand I'm a man going into the womens toilet. I went into a womens toilet with her a few days ago, it was fairly busy, and got some very strange looks.
So what would you do, or women, do you have a problem with grown men going into the ladies toilet?
It's sort of different to the whole nappy changer only in the womens toilet problem, because there's no option there. Here, there is.

One eyed Jack

Cienciano wrote: »

Just wondering what people do here. I'm a father and I have a daughter that's just turned 3. When out in public and she needs to go to the toilet, which toilet do you use?
Mens are usually a bit dirtier, píss on the seats and the floor and she has to sit on the seat obviously. Also, she doesn't like going into the mens because she knows it's the mens because of the symbol on the door, she asks to go into the girls.
But on the other hand I'm a man going into the womens toilet. I went into a womens toilet with her a few days ago, it was fairly busy, and got some very strange looks.
So what would you do, or women, do you have a problem with grown men going into the ladies toilet?
It's sort of different to the whole nappy changer only in the womens toilet problem, because there's no option there. Here, there is.

There was a thread similar to this last week I think?

Bottom line IMO - your daughter needs to go, she needs to go. That's more important than any looks or anything else you're going to get from strangers.

Daughter first, strangers after. Priorities.

celligraphy

I usually always use the disabled toilet if I can , I'm a girl btw but usually have my nephews with me if I''m bringing them cinema , sod the looks you are doing nothing wrong

gerrybbadd

The people in the jacks with the dirty looks should have a bit of cop on in all fairness. What do they think you're doing in the ladies with a girl? Either they're thick or a memebr of the mock outrage brigade.

Feck the looks, look after your daughter

jlm29

Last weeks thread was about swimming pool changing rooms, which is a different issue- no one walks naked around the toilets!
I'd probably do a double take if I saw a man in the ladies, but it wouldn't bother me a bit. The disabled toilet, if available would be fine too I think- they usually double as baby changing facilities, so using them for young kids is perfectly acceptable

tinkerbell

I would bring her into the ladies. The ladies all have cubicles, the men's do not.

Sleeper12

Gents

secondrowgal

I would take her to the ladies OP. Same if I had a young boy with me, I would bring him to the ladies also. The ladies toilets are all cubicles, so there's no issue with privacy IMHO.

Gatling

tinkerbell wrote: »

I would bring her into the ladies. The ladies all have cubicles, the men's do not.

The majority actually do have cubicles ,

As a dad to 2 girls I'd bring them into the gents if no parent and toddler room wasn't available,
Having have to try use the ladies in a shopping center recently I was shocked and discusted at the state of 4 cubicles in the ladies .
If you can't find a parent and toddler room try find a disabled toilet

Jayop

Depends on how bogging the gents are.

TheQuietFella

I brought my girls into the ladies and I wasn't well received by some of the users!

I didn't care but I could understand the reaction.

_Brian

The state of cubicles in men's toilets is just awful and not fit for animals never mind young kids.
I bring my daughter to the disabled toilets, as another poster said they usually now have baby changing facilities too so to me that's a signal that it's ok for children.

Speedwell

Ladies. Those of us who are parents or who have just a little compassion will be fine with it. If I was there and you and your little girl needed help, I'd take charge of letting the ladies in the room know why you were there and to knock off the b*tching.

Neyite

Bring your little girl into the ladies if you prefer.

It's all cubicled anyway so if you get some pearl-clutching because you happened to see a naked wrist its them that's being a bit precious about it.

I think though that ladies and gents toilets can be equally bogging so in a lot of cases you are playing Goldilocks with the cubicles anyway regardless of the toilet gender.

Dial Hard

TheQuietFella wrote: »

I didn't care but I could understand the reaction.

I can't, and I'm a chick. What were you going to see while you were waiting on your daughter, some handwashing and maybe a bit of make-up being touched up? The humanity!

XsApollo

I use disabled toilets if they are there.
Never went into the ladies.

Speedwell

Go into the ladies, by all means. Nobody in their right mind is going to think you are using a three-year-old girl whining about needing to pee in order to sneak looks at our privates. Heck, if you're that desperate to see my middle-aged hoo-hah I'll take a picture and hand it to you myself.

Needless to say the needs of the child are the most important thing.

January

Either or... when you think about it, a woman would just bring her son to the ladies with her so just bring her to the gents with you if you want, or to the ladies if you prefer...

Some ladies toilets would make you cringe the state of them.

Ashbx

As a girl, I would have no problem you coming in to the ladies with your daughter. If anyone throws you looks, just ask them is it ok if I wait here while my daughter goes to the bathroom. No-one is going to say no and if they do, they have to say no to that poor girls face!

Its ridiculous that in this day and age, changing tables are (mostly) only found in womens toilets. Its something that has always baffled me!

Judge Trudy

My partner always takes my near 3 year old daughter into the Gents toilets to wash her hands and if he needs to go to the toilet himself. It's what ever you feel comfortable with yourself. I want my daughter to see that her father will do everything I do with her and there's no set roles in life. Thankfully my partner feels the same way. I would rarely see men take their children to the toilet where I'm from, it's usually the women. Programming children from a young age I think.

Mr Magnolia

No way would I take my girls into the gents past men at urinals. It was the baby changing toilets, disabled or the ladies in that order for me when they were that young.

Lady is a tramp

I don't agree with those suggesting he use the disabled toilets - what if someone with a genuine disability needs to use them? Particularly if, for example, the person has Crohns or similar and needs to use the loos in a hurry.

I see absolutely no problem with a man bringing a girl into a ladies bathroom. If I was in the ladies and saw a man there, I'd probably take a second glance alright, but once I saw the little girl with them I'd understand. As others have said, what exactly are they going to see anyways that's in any way inappropriate?

I also see no problem with a man bringing a girl into the gents. I mean, if you had a father and a young son, they'd almost certainly go to the gents loos and there's the possibility that the young boy would see something passing the urinals. So I don't really see that as being any more or less traumatising than if it were a young girl seeing it instead.

As a mother, I think I'll find it tricky when my son is old enough to want to go into the gents loos rather than into the ladies with me. To be honest I'd find it awkward bringing him into the gents, but it's hard to know what age is appropriate to allow him to go in there by himself!

mohawk

Honestly what kind of person would care that a father is bringing his daughter into the ladies. Some kids hate going to the "wrong" bathroom so it can be easier to bring them to the "right" one. The ladies can be pretty gross at times as well.

I think there should be family bathrooms especially in big shopping centres etc. With soap and sinks that kids can actually reach.

Sundew

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

I don't agree with those suggesting he use the disabled toilets - what if someone with a genuine disability needs to use them? Particularly if, for example, the person has Crohns or similar and needs to use the loos in a hurry.

What would happen if a disabled person was using it and somebody with crohns or a second disabled person came along........they would still have to wait!

By the way I don't condone people using the disabled toilets but until public places start providing a unisex/ family toilet this will continue to happen.
Many disabled toilets also double as baby changing facilities and I personally use the one in Dundrum all the time!

Personally I wouldn't be that bothered if a Dad came in to the ladies with his young daughter. I recently witnessed a young girl prob about 7 being dragged in to the gents by her Dad in the Liffey Valley S.C. She was uncomfortable and very upset. She did not want to go in there and there was an alternative. I was really upset for her but it wasn't my place to intervene.
On the other hand I just asked the OH and he said there would be no way he would go in to the ladies with our little one!
He said he would use the disabled toilet or ask to use a staff toilet.
Different strokes for different folks I guess!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Where is your daughter more comfortable? Take her there. Tbh I wouldn't like the thoughts of my daughter sitting on a seat with pee on it. You're queing with her and taking her into a cubicle in the ladies bathroom. Unless you're peeing under doors or looking over stalls, I can't see why this might be an issue.

Completely different situation for changing rooms though.

Sligo1

Sundew wrote: »

What would happen if a disabled person was using it and somebody with crohns or a second disabled person came along........they would still have to wait!

By the way I don't condone people using the disabled toilets but until public places start providing a unisex/ family toilet this will continue to happen.
Many disabled toilets also double as baby changing facilities and I personally use the one in Dundrum all the time!

Personally I wouldn't be that bothered if a Dad came in to the ladies with his young daughter. I recently witnessed a young girl prob about 7 being dragged in to the gents by her Dad in the Liffey Valley S.C. She was uncomfortable and very upset. She did not want to go in there and there was an alternative. I was really upset for her but it wasn't my place to intervene.
On the other hand I just asked the OH and he said there would be no way he would go in to the ladies with our little one!
He said he would use the disabled toilet or ask to use a staff toilet.
Different strokes for different folks I guess!

Snap! I always use the dundrum disabled ones. Even if only for the fact that the regular cubicals don't fit a buggy! And don't get me started on trying to get the double in!

OP do whatever you feel comfortable doing and what you think your child is most comfortable with. The women's changing rooms mentioned in a different thread however... Totally different story altogether....

storker

When my daughters were that age I would have them use the disabled toilet too. On one occasion when a disabled toilet wasn't available, I asked a woman on her way out of the ladies if she wouldn't mind taking my daughter in. She was happy enough to help out.

phelant

Speedwell wrote: »

Go into the ladies, by all means. Nobody in their right mind is going to think you are using a three-year-old girl whining about needing to pee in order to sneak looks at our privates. Heck, if you're that desperate to see my middle-aged HOO-HAH I'll take a picture and hand it to you myself.
Needless to say the needs of the child are the most important thing.

Did you say that with an Al Pacino voice, cause that’s what I heard! HOO-HAH Yeah

Dial Hard

storker wrote:

When my daughters were that age I would have them use the disabled toilet too. On one occasion when a disabled toilet wasn't available, I asked a woman on her way out of the ladies if she wouldn't mind taking my daughter in. She was happy enough to help out.

You asked a complete stranger to take your child to the loo???

If someone asked me to do that I'd be gobsmacked. Nothing to do with safety or stranger-danger at all, it's just plain rude, imo.

Ok, fair enough, that particular woman was "happy enough" but I think it's a huge imposition to even ask.

January

Sundew wrote: »

What would happen if a disabled person was using it and somebody with crohns or a second disabled person came along........they would still have to wait!

By the way I don't condone people using the disabled toilets but until public places start providing a unisex/ family toilet this will continue to happen.
Many disabled toilets also double as baby changing facilities and I personally use the one in Dundrum all the time!

Personally I wouldn't be that bothered if a Dad came in to the ladies with his young daughter. I recently witnessed a young girl prob about 7 being dragged in to the gents by her Dad in the Liffey Valley S.C. She was uncomfortable and very upset. She did not want to go in there and there was an alternative. I was really upset for her but it wasn't my place to intervene.
On the other hand I just asked the OH and he said there would be no way he would go in to the ladies with our little one!
He said he would use the disabled toilet or ask to use a staff toilet.
Different strokes for different folks I guess!

Jesus at age 7 id send my daughter in on her own...

TheQuietFella

Dial Hard wrote: »

I can't, and I'm a chick. What were you going to see while you were waiting on your daughter, some handwashing and maybe a bit of make-up being touched up? The humanity!

Well my kids were behind a closed door and when they only

saw me standing there they may have become a little nervous?

I don't really know though as I didn't ask!

Bobthefireman

I'd just stand at the door of the ladies. I wouldn't go in. Most women would help out a little girl if she needed it.

stefanovich

Cienciano wrote: »

Mens are usually a bit dirtier, píss on the seats and the floor and she has to sit on the seat obviously.

I've had to clean the women's toilets when I worked in a restaurant as a youth. Do not assume they are any cleaner than the men's. I was shocked at the state of it sometimes. Animals, total animals they were.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Bobthefireman wrote: »

I'd just stand at the door of the ladies. I wouldn't go in. Most women would help out a little girl if she needed it.

Being completely honest, unless it was a child of a very close friend, I wouldn't help a strange child in a bathroom, unless it was maybe lifting them up to wash their hands at the sink.

If they were really struggling I'd go get their dad if he was waiting outside

acon2119

If I were you I would bring her into the disabled toilet if there is one available but that's because it would be cleaner than the ladies toilets and more space for the two of you.

Otherwise I wouldn't hesitate to bring her into the ladies toilet....Your child is your number one priority and anyone who would give you strange looks is not worth worrying about.

I am female and I brought my son into the ladies with me until he was probably 7 or 8. I didn't want him going into the men's toilet on his own....

borderlinemeath

Off topic - just on the posters using Dundrums disabled toilet - I've used them too, but on floor 2M (I think) in middle section where O'Briens sandwich bar is and some shops, there's a fantastic family room section - feeding room and big changing room 4 or 5 changers and toilets, even the sinks are child friendly. Usually no waiting, I don't think a huge amount of people use them because there's not many shops and sometimes waiting for the lift can be a pain. I tend to use the lift in the back of monsoon as it's far handier than the main bank of lifts serving all floors.

OP, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a man helping his daughter in a ladies toilets but if you're ever stuck, most coffee shops even in shopping centres will have a single or a unisex toilet which might be an easier option for you.

storker

Dial Hard wrote: »

You asked a complete stranger to take your child to the loo???

If someone asked me to do that I'd be gobsmacked. Nothing to do with safety or stranger-danger at all, it's just plain rude, imo.

Ok, fair enough, that particular woman was "happy enough" but I think it's a huge imposition to even ask.

It was an emergency, and if it's a question of meeting the child's immediate needs and risking the poor opinion of a stranger, then the child wins every time. I did ask very politely and apologised for any inconvenience, explaining that I wouldn't have been asking if it wasn't an emergency. If she thought that somehow amounted to rudeness, then tough.

pwurple

Either loo is fine. Whatever suits you best (is cleanest, has shorter queue etc)

Some places have unisex Family or Toddler toilets. My husband usually brings our girls to the ladies if he has them out without me, but I don't think there is any problem with using either.

eviltwin

I have a six yr old son I bring to the ladies with me, so far no one has said anything to me. I would like unisex toilets, my son is autistic and he will probably need assistance for another few years yet so I'm dreading the nasty comments I will inevitably get.

Speedwell

eviltwin wrote: »

I have a six yr old son I bring to the ladies with me, so far no one has said anything to me. I would like unisex toilets, my son is autistic and he will probably need assistance for another few years yet so I'm dreading the nasty comments I will inevitably get.

You may want to print cards saying your son has special needs and must be accompanied. It won't stop nasty, ignorant people from being nasty and ignorant, but it will shut them up and provide evidence that you're not being an unfit parent in some vague way. I'm on the spectrum myself and although I am not (fortunately) disabled by it, you and your son have all my sympathy.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I would in my Swiss print cards to explain my sons medical condition to ignorant pass remarkables.
As long as the young lads aren't peeing on the floor or on the seats, I personally couldn't give a hoot who's going into the cubicles. I'd be more inclined to ask them if they were planning on coming into the cubicle with him? If not, why are they concerned?

eviltwin

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I would in my Swiss print cards to explain my sons medical condition to ignorant pass remarkables.
As long as the young lads aren't peeing on the floor or on the seats, I personally couldn't give a hoot who's going into the cubicles. I'd be more inclined to ask them if they were planning on coming into the cubicle with him? If not, why are they concerned?

Yeah I feel that way too. I don't like the idea of having to advertise my son's condition. I'd quietly say it to someone who challenged me but that's it. I would assume if I saw a woman bringing an older male child into the ladies that one or other needed help but some people are really ignorant and just love to make a fuss.

Speedwell

I completely agree that you should not have to go the extra mile to shut up nasty creepy people, but you cannot reason with nasty creepy people and you can't afford to deal with them being nasty and creepy in a way that harms you. Best to put a stop to it right away.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Speedwell wrote: »

I completely agree that you should not have to go the extra mile to shut up nasty creepy people, but you cannot reason with nasty creepy people and you can't afford to deal with them being nasty and creepy in a way that harms you. Best to put a stop to it right away.

I love people like that. I can outcrazy them in seconds.
Nasty people don't need a reason to be nasty.
I find a "what's it to you?" Goes a long way to people interfering.

Penny Dreadful

stefanovich wrote: »

I've had to clean the women's toilets when I worked in a restaurant as a youth. Do not assume they are any cleaner than the men's. I was shocked at the state of it sometimes. Animals, total animals they were.

Yep, women's toilets are often times totally disgusting. I find at work some women dry their hands with the paper towels and then rather than put the used towels (ones they themselves used) into the bin (a bin that is opened by pressing your foot on the leaver) they throw the used towels into the sink or on top of the bin lid.
Once I asked someoene why they did that and her reply was "sure the cleaner will take care of it".
The reply was awful in and of itself I thought but also it was 09:30 so no cleaner was going to be in until that night and the toilets would be used by many other women during the day and she clearly didn't give a damn about them either.

I was in Liffey Valley on Monday with my husband and my 20 month old daughter and we both needed to use the toilets. My husband took my daughter (in her buggy) into the mens toilets with him expecting that the advertised "family toilet" would be available to both men and women. Needless to say it was only in the women's toilet and the wheelchair toilet door was locked and you were advised to contact a member of staff for access to it.
Thats a pain in the backside for anyone who is in a wheelchair or needs to use that toilet. If you're in an absolute state and really need to use the toilet urgently you have to head off for a member of security to let you in:eek:
Also why is it assumed that only women will have their children with them? My husband often takes our daughter out and about and would require access to facilities where he can use the toilet as well as change her. I don't understand the assumption that only mothers mind their kids.

Penny Tration

Dial Hard wrote: »

You asked a complete stranger to take your child to the loo???

If someone asked me to do that I'd be gobsmacked. Nothing to do with safety or stranger-danger at all, it's just plain rude, imo.

Ok, fair enough, that particular woman was "happy enough" but I think it's a huge imposition to even ask.

when I worked in a shopping centre, I had men ask semi-regularly, if I happened to be queuing for the women's loos. Honestly it didn't occur to me as a big deal, they just didn't feel comfortable going into the women's loos and assumed because I was in a uniform that I could be trusted. No biggie really.

Speedwell

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Yep, women's toilets are often times totally disgusting. I find at work some women dry their hands with the paper towels and then rather than put the used towels (ones they themselves used) into the bin (a bin that is opened by pressing your foot on the leaver) they throw the used towels into the sink or on top of the bin lid.
Once I asked someoene why they did that and her reply was "sure the cleaner will take care of it".
The reply was awful in and of itself I thought but also it was 09:30 so no cleaner was going to be in until that night and the toilets would be used by many other women during the day and she clearly didn't give a damn about them either.

That's awful, of course. But I often find this: Exit toilet, wash hands, dry hands on paper towel, use paper towel to open main door (since so many people don't wash their hands, ew), hold door open with foot, look for place to throw used paper towel, see open bin, toss, miss. Oh well, I'm not carrying a bathroom-soiled paper towel around with me while I shop.

Into The Blue

We use the mens, put down a layer of paper for her to sit on.. But if your 3yr old has concerns, disabled jax.

duffman3833

i like the toilet setup in Scotch hall in Drogheda. you don't need to touch anything. All automatic. To use the taps, it has sensors and you wave your hanf in from of it and it turns on and then automatic dryers. There is no doors but its designed that no one in corridor can see in as its a curved entrance. So you don't need to touch anything at all, which is the best and most hygienic way

Armchair Andy

Was in a shopping center yesterday where a mother brought her 5-6 year old into the gents, over to the urinals. I didn't give a monkeys, fair play to her for training him into the gents.
I'd never bring my own daughter into the ladies any more, I have done only to be met with looks of disdain and contempt by particularly older generation women.
It's a hard one to call, but I'd be of the thinkung, whatever gender the kid is, let them use that toilet regardless of who's minding them on the day.

masculinist

TheQuietFella wrote: »

I brought my girls into the ladies and I wasn't well received by some of the users!

I didn't care but I could understand the reaction.

Sure - if by 'understand' you basically understand that they are ignorant and small minded.

If an adult male is perceived as a threat to females yet apparently has custody of a small child yet those adult females only care about which bathroom he uses then it just shows how absolutely ridiculous their mindset is. Anyone with an opinion worth acknowledging would be worried about the most innocent i.e the child instead of ruminating on their misandry. Take care of your daughter as a priority. Anytime you have her in your care, you are showing the whole world what a great person you are. And anyone who doesnt want you to do the best for her is showing what terrible people they are. If not terrible then at least very backward displaying some sort of belief that Fathers shouldnt be involved in caring for their kids.