Cures for Flatulence ?

fryup

I'm serious,

Is there any known cure or remedy out there??

Over the counter or old wives remedys.. anything, please help:o

xabi

A good dump.

smash

Farting cures trapped wind.

CINCLANTFLT

xabi wrote: »

A good dump.

... But no wiping from back towards front... Always front towards back!!!!

Ease off on the fried food, Fryup!

xabi

CINCLANTFLT wrote: »

... But no wiping from back towards front... Always front towards back!!!!

Wiping is for sissies.

wilhelm roentgen

'More beans Mr. Taggart'

CINCLANTFLT

CINCLANTFLT wrote: »

... But no wiping from back towards front... Always front towards back!!!!

Wiping front to back just sounds awkward.

maudgonner

Do you drink wine?

The cork should come in handy.

Duggy747

If it's a case you're at work, stick a tube up your arse and have it redirected off out the window........like a tumbler dryer!

Mr. CooL ICE

Fennel tea. Failing that, drinking kefir milk for a while.

Or just lay off the Thursday night Guinness sessions for a while.

RebelButtMunch

mint tea

SEPT 23 1989

1/2 cup of olive oil

biko

Proper diet

ahnowbrowncow

I had a curry at the weekend. I then went out and had plenty of Guinness and beer.

My girlfriend doesn't look at me the same anymore.

Rubberlegs

Activated charcoal tablets are supposed to absorb the gas inside you I think, or at least absorb the smell. Is it the noise or smell that's the problem, or both? Could ya blame someone else:) ?

poa

I have heard eating; red kidney beans, rhubarb pie, HP sauce in a bacon sandwich, and cabbage soup, cures it.

Spanish Eyes

Certain foods make it happen.

What are you eating just before an FART please?

Well I am so curious too. LOL.

Spanish Eyes

Ok, since I asked OP,

For me Brussells sprouts or any green veg give me lots of wind. So I can only eat Broccoli, that doesn't seem to result in hurricane Ivan.

Baked Beans do

And the worst of all really, honestly is lentils.

OMG, trying to eat a bit healthy (forget about the drinking side of it for now), I made lentil soup.

Suffice to say I will never eat it again for the sake of myself and those around me.

poa

My sister cooked our family spaghetti Bolognaise once.
Sadly the garlic powder and baking soda were in similar white containers in the kitchen.
The next day we all had the worst stomach cramps ever.
But that was the calm before the storm.
I actually thought I had torn my rectum with the force of the blast.
The gas just kept building in pressure all day long.
Until the moment came when I just knew I would follow through if I didn't make it to the toilet.
I can only describe it as a full evacuation of my bowels.
Boy, the satisfaction of that explosion into the bowl.
Let's just stay I well and truly destroyed the school toilet that day.
The onion smell hung around for days after it was unblocked.

Bongalongherb

Belching and farting at the same time occurs when a person drinks Tuborg beer, and there is no cure yet for this. If you're only farting constantly then you are one of the lucky ones. A quick release of toxins in the body expelled both ways efficiently.

Spanish Eyes

poa wrote: »

My sister cooked our family spaghetti Bolognaise once.
Sadly the garlic powder and baking soda were in similar white containers in the kitchen.
The next day we all had the worst stomach cramps ever.
But that was the calm before the storm.
I actually thought I had torn my rectum with the force of the blast.
The gas just kept building in pressure all day long.
Until the moment came when I just knew I would follow through if I didn't make it to the toilet.
I can only describe it as a full evacuation of my bowels.
Boy, the satisfaction of that explosion into the bowl.
Let's just stay I well and truly destroyed the school toilet that day.
The onion smell hung around for days after it was unblocked.

OMG. :pac:

Mesrine65

Natural Remedy for Gas #1:

Fennel: Fennel is our first choice for curing flatulence. It’s incredibly effective and also starts working very quickly. Simply chew slowly on a small amount of fennel seeds or put them in a cup of boiled, hot water for 3-5 minutes and then slowly drink. You should be “gas free” within 5-10 minutes. We also recommend you always keep some fennel seeds at home just in case you or anyone else happens to have an unfortunate gas outbreak in the future!

Natural Remedy for Gas #2:

Ginger: Ginger helps to stop gas from forming inside the stomach, rather than actually treating gas problems after you have them. So if you want to keep flatulence away chew on a fresh piece of ginger after you’ve eaten or add some fresh ginger to your food. Alternatively, you can make a ginger tea by grating some fresh ginger and adding it to a cup of boiling water. Leave to steep for 20 minutes, strain, then reheat as hot as you can handle it. Slowly sip. Be sure to drink this tea 3 times a day for best results.

Natural Remedy for Gas #3:

Caraway Seeds and Black Seeds: Caraway seeds and black seeds help tremendously with indigestion, cramping, bloating and stomach gas. Add a teaspoon of caraway seeds or black seeds to a cup of boiling water and let sit for 10 minutes. Strain the seeds and then drink right before you eat for best results. Alternatively, you can also chew on the cooked seeds or add them to your food.

Natural Remedy for Gas #4:

Apple Cider Vinegar: ACV is definitely one of nature’s “cure all” medicines. It's a very potent cleanser and eliminator, as well as being one of the best foods for digestion. You'll get almost instant relief from indigestion and gas by mixing up a tablespoon of ACV in a glass of warm to hot filtered water and slowly sipping. Be sure to repeat this 3 times daily on an empty stomach to get your digestion back in proper working order. And if you find you can't handle the taste of the apple cider vinegar liquid (some people actually gag on the stuff), you can opt for the tablets or capsules instead. They work just as well.

Natural Remedy for Gas #5:

Baking Soda and Lemon: Baking soda and lemon juice form carbon dioxide, which is a natural digestive aid. You'll find complete relief with this terrific gas and bloating remedy in about 20 minutes.

Simply squeeze the juice of one lemon or 20 ml of lemon juice into a half filled glass of filtered water then add a teaspoon of baking soda. After the “fizz” has gone fill the rest of the glass with water, mix again then drink. For even better results we recommend you combine this remedy with apple cider vinegar. Not only does this help to alleviate digestion and gas problems, it helps to increase your body’s pH level, which is absolutely crucial for your overall health and longevity!

Natural Remedy for Gas #6:

Peppermint: There are three ways you can use peppermint as a flatulence remedy. The first is to add some fresh leaves to a cup or pot of boiling water (peppermint can be easily grown in your own garden). Let it sit then slowly drink two to three times a day. Or, mix in two drops of peppermint oil in half a cup of cool water and drink twice daily. Alternatively, you can simply go the easy way and take the peppermint capsules instead.

Natural Remedy for Gas #7:

Cinnamon: The good thing about cinnamon is it gives you instant relief from gas problems. Simply warm up a cup of whey or soy milk and add a teaspoon of cinnamon, along with a teaspoon of honey. Let it sit for 5 minutes then reheat nice and hot and slowly drink. You'll find this home remedy doesn't just stop your immediate flatulence problem either, it also helps to prevent further occurrences in the future as well.

Beans! Beans!
Are good for your heart
The more you eat
The more you fart
The longer you live

Fennel or peppermint tea, then assume the kneeling/face to floor prayer position and hope you don't fly around the room like a balloon with a hole in it.

thattequilagirl

Green or mint tea

Wonzy

Small plastic around your bum hole attached with surgical tape. Will absorb the sound and when you take off the bag later in the day have a good whiff off your lovely farts.

Esel

Get out and walk!

Matt_Trakker

In Czech Republic or whatever it's new name is.....and in a few other Slavic countries, they put a lot of cumin into their heavy food to stop the farting,
it works too.
We'd had a auld hound here and she was farting like a mofo, starting putting dried cumin seeds in her grub and it stopped after a couple of days.

Sorry, if you need something more immediate, maybe try taking a shyte or sticking a cork up your butthole

Bongalongherb

Some-one needs to find a cure for this fart-ass :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q6EJOKepVc

cowboyBuilder

73Cat wrote: »

Activated charcoal tablets are supposed to absorb the gas inside you I think, or at least absorb the smell. Is it the noise or smell that's the problem, or both? Could ya blame someone else ?

Reminds me of a joke.

This guy is meeting his fiances parents for the 1st time, he has a problem with farting anyway - but to make matters worse the future mother in law has prepared beans.

So he thinks f*ck how am i gonna deal with this, anyway he wolves down the beans and some time later he feels the effects.

Lucky enough the family dog Bruce decides to sit under his chair.
So he lets a small one out hoping no one will notice, it is a little noisier then he hoped - but the mother in law says "Bruce!"

Relieved and happy that he has the dog to blame ... he proceeds to let out another slightly louder one and again the mil says "Bruce!" ..

This goes on and on during the evening, farts getting louder and louder but everytime the mil blaming Bruce.

Eventually he lets out a big long ripper that goes on for about 20 seconds and the STINK!!!!

The mother in law says :

¨BRUCE !! - would you get out of there before he SHÍTS on you!!!¨

AnonoBoy

Guys - you can thank me later.

Somebody has finally made fart filtering underwear!

http://www.myshreddies.com/flatulence/

milltown

Bananas are supposed to be very good for stopping it.

It can be very hard to get them all the way in though.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

I dunno, but I really hope they bring out something. My oul fella after a stew is fcuking rank. I mean you can taste the gravy.

12Phase

Get assessed for both lactose intolerance and coeliac disease. Both can cause it.

Other than that don't go mad on fast digestion highly processed foods and sugar. They feed your gut bacteria and it can produce a lot of gas.

Bongalongherb

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »

I dunno, but I really hope they bring out something. My oul fella after a stew is fcuking rank. I mean you can taste the gravy.

Jazus man. Keep it up, it's helping with my diet, I'll never eat again thinking of the stink of gravy farts.

endacl

xabi wrote: »

Wiping is for sissies.

Wire brush and dettol?

The Raptor

I find eating fruit on top of a heavy meal will always make me gassy. So avoid fruit and see if it helps.

skipper_G

Have somebody pull your finger

recylingbin

A can of deoderant.

cowboyBuilder

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Guys - you can thank me later.

Somebody has finally made fart filtering underwear!

http://www.myshreddies.com/flatulence/

Really thought these were a pisstake at first ... apparently not :rolleyes:

Gael23

Shove a Cork up there. you'll get terribly constipated though!

Ally Dick

When I first met my wife, a friend of mine advised me to do the "fart test" on her as you'd only know if she was the right woman for you, if you could fart in front of her. I let one go on one of our first dates, and the smell was appalling. She was disgusted and nearly broke it off. So much for the bloody "fart test" !

The Masculinist

73Cat wrote: »

Activated charcoal tablets are supposed to absorb the gas inside you I think, or at least absorb the smell. Is it the noise or smell that's the problem, or both? Could ya blame someone else:) ?

Activated charcoal called Bloateze. Can get them from the pharmacy.

Look at your diet also.

(Some of my GF's cooking gives me gas! I have to simply avoid it when I can!)

The Sidewards Man

Has the google or youtube any suggestions?

Esel

Strike a match.

Won't stop you farting, but it will kill the smell.

Otherwise, (as may have been said) have a dump. Works wonders. Remember to do a courtesy flush after the first drop.

tl/dr Strike a match - this actually works!

Mister Vain

Candie wrote: »

Fennel or peppermint tea, then assume the kneeling/face to floor prayer position and hope you don't fly around the room like a balloon with a hole in it.

Don't you always hold in your farts anyway? Something about fecal spores.

Esel

Mister Vain wrote: »

Don't you always hold in your farts anyway? Something about fecal spores.

That's gas.

Bongalongherb

Mister Vain wrote: »

Don't you always hold in your farts anyway? Something about fecal spores.

Heat rises as in fart distribution, so the methane fart will move directly to the ceiling and disperse out into the environment with no cause for alarm. I'm a fart specialist and this is how I understand the examination and progress of flatulence, I don't get paid enough if you ask me.

Esel

Bongalongherb wrote: »

Heat rises as in fart distribution, so the methane fart will move directly to the ceiling and disperse out into the environment with no cause for alarm. I'm a fart specialist and this is how I understand the examination and progress of flatulence, I don't get paid enough if you ask me.

I am quite prepared to defer to your posterior experience.

Still, strike a match. Ceiling inspectors notwithstanding.

Bongalongherb

Striking a match is dangerous and will only burn the smell away only. You are still left with atomic particles of fart nonetheless falling to the ground surface. It's a catch 22 situation.

Esel

Bongalongherb wrote: »

Striking a match is dangerous and will only burn the smell away only. You are still left with atomic particles of fart nonetheless falling to the ground surface. It's a catch 22 situation.

But: ground zero, not ground surface.

Maybe you meant 'surfactant'?

I'll stick with the matches, me. Magic, almost. Science, probably.