Over analyze

LegacyUser

So I met a lovely, lovely guy. Was really good to me.Texted me regulary and came to visit me.
One day, I thought he wasn't as eager as usual and unfortunately over analysized things to think he wasn't interested in me.This was not true.

I told my friends and of course they took my side.I painted the wrong side of him.

I wish I hadn't of analysed things and kept my mouth shut.It should have been private between us.

We were just dating but now he definitely doesn't want to see me again.I know previously he did like me a lot.

I keep thinking of him all the time and how I ruined it with a really nice guy.

LegacyUser

Fireyy wrote: »

So I met a lovely, lovely guy. Was really good to me.Texted me regulary and came to visit me.
One day, I thought he wasn't as eager as usual and unfortunately over analysized things to think he wasn't interested in me.This was not true.

I told my friends and of course they took my side.I painted the wrong side of him.

I wish I hadn't of analysed things and kept my mouth shut.It should have been private between us.

We were just dating but now he definitely doesn't want to see me again.I know previously he did like me a lot.

I keep thinking of him all the time and how I ruined it with a really nice guy.

Guy here.

Guys do the same things. We are always over analysing a girl, while at the same time trying not to be super eager so we look like a lost puppy!

First of all, how do you know he doesn't want to see you again, maybe he does m? If nothing major happened and it was somewhat mutual then chances are he would like to see you again.

The best thing to do is to ask him for a coffee and just explain all, the worst that will happen is he will have moved on and the best thing is, well you could have a better relationship than you ever had!

Real guys don't play games and guys who do aren't worth having, so it's no loss if he is one that does.

All guys want is things explained to them as we are terrible at reading signs so don't assume he knows the way you feel. Just text him!

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Fireyy wrote: »

So I met a lovely, lovely guy. Was really good to me.Texted me regulary and came to visit me.
One day, I thought he wasn't as eager as usual and unfortunately over analysized things to think he wasn't interested in me.This was not true.

I told my friends and of course they took my side.I painted the wrong side of him.

I wish I hadn't of analysed things and kept my mouth shut.It should have been private between us.

We were just dating but now he definitely doesn't want to see me again.I know previously he did like me a lot.

I keep thinking of him all the time and how I ruined it with a really nice guy.

Hey OP, how did it end? How do you know he doesn't want to see you again? If you are worried what he is thinking you will never know unless you contact him.

You could go down the route of trying to contact a friend of his or get your friend to contact him but you are better off just going direct to him, at least if nothing you will feel better and who knows he may be thinking the same!

Dial Hard

I would respectfully suggest that you're doing the exact same thing again here, OP - over-analysing the entire situation.

What happened, happened, there's nothing you can do about that particular situation now. So park it. What you can do, however, is try and identify what makes you behave this way to begin with.

If you're getting this invested/worked up very early on then it sounds to me like there are deeper issues at play. I'd try and figure out what they are and work on them before going on any more dates.

LegacyUser

I have asked him.He doesn't wanna see me again.
He wouldn't even meet to talk.
Note to self: Next time meet a really nice guy, do not assume the worst and definitely do not go talking to your friends about it.!
The worst thing is he did nothing wrong, was so nice.One of the nicest guys I have met and now lost.:(

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Mourinho

There has to be something missing in your story so far if you think you caused him to stop wanting to see you, it just sounds like he wasn't into you with what you've said?

Did you or your friends have a go at him? Was something said or done to him after ye talked about him?

LegacyUser

My friends did not meet him. It was all in my head!!

I hadn't replied one day as was on a whatsapp call and he seen me on a dating website where we first met.
He said that's it then.I said no.I called him.
He wouldn't answer.He was cold all week after that
and told me we were not compatible....
He used to text me every day.
He wouldn't answer his phone and very easy for him to say that's it I thought.If it was me,I would have wanted to sort things out.

I did ask him more than once to meet even just for a chat and he has zero intrest now.

Merkin

Fireyy wrote: »

My friends did not meet him. It was all in my head!!

I hadn't replied one day as was on a whatsapp call and he seen me on a dating website where we first met.
He said that's it then.I said no.I called him.
He wouldn't answer.He was cold all week after that
and told me we were not compatible....
He used to text me every day.
He wouldn't answer his phone and very easy for him to say that's it I thought.If it was me,I would have wanted to sort things out.

I did ask him more than once to meet even just for a chat and he has zero intrest now.

That is so confusing. Am I correct in surmising that he saw you on a dating site, got annoyed, said you weren't compatible and then stonewalled you? If that's the case then he dumped you, I don't think you've overanalysed anything.

LegacyUser

I guess yeah.
He still texted me for a few days but nothing like before.
Maybe I shouldn't have went on it.He was there too but I was willing to talk about things. I just wish I hadn't said anything to my friends now.

Idle Passerby

I don't think you did anything wrong OP. There's nothing terrible about expressing concerns over a new relationship with a friend, you were looking for an outside perspective, that's normal. I think he was in the wrong for getting annoyed about you being on the dating site when he was in it himself, that's double standards. Also refusing to discuss an issue that's upsetting the other person isn't a great personality trait in a potential partner.

Mr. Incognito

Unless you have had a conversation about being exclusive he had no right to get jealous.

Sounds like you explained him perfectly to your friends.

He's not a nice guy. He's a controlling insecure guy.

You will meet someone else.

LegacyUser

Controlling, sulky, uncommunicative, jealous. Actually OP you really dodged a bullet and I'd bet money that his charm would have worn off quickly if you'd carried on. At worst, you made a small mistake, but even that's debateable. He, on the other hand, appears to have applied all those bad traits and flown off the handle. It might sting now, but trust me, you're well rid of him.

LegacyUser

It's true he didn't wanna communicate with me after we seen each other on pof.I was a bit disappointed truth be told he was on it but able to get over it v quickly. Nano second.
I thought what we had was far more important than that trivial thing. I guess if went down the line and never wanted to discuss things would never have worked.

I still think he was nice at beginning.Maybe I was a bit naive.
I do make the same mistakes with men over and over.
I wish I didn't but at least going forward have definitely learnt to keep things private.
If I hadn't of logged in everything would still be going great .

LegacyUser

Any advice?
I know he was very good to me and then because he wasn't texting as much for two days, I logged on and ruined everything plus talked to my friend:(
I really thought he could have been the one, and now no hope of going back there ever.
He definitely liked me and was definitely the one I looked forward to seeing the most ever out of all my dating times. I am kicking myself I over thought a stupid, silly thing.
He didn't end it after seeing me on it, but would not talk about it. Texted me but not like he had before. I am actually having difficulty sleeping thinking of him and how I ruined it.

LegacyUser

I did say to him I wasn't talking to anyone else and that he wouldn't see me on the site. Hand on heart I had not logged in for 2 weeks. Just that night I logged in, not to chat to anyone, had no interest. I actually seen him on it. I didn't say anything to him but he was on it... I don't know if he was actively using it or just logged on cos I was on the phone and had not replied to him.I was on a whatsapp call so I was online. Maybe he thought I was ignoring him? He asked what he had done wrong. I said nothing. Then he said he seen me on pof and started acting differently. I don't know what possessed me to login. I literally got off the phone from my friend and logged in. I so wish I hadn't now.

ellie1

So you have been spending your time beating yourself up, putting yourself down and feeling **** about yourself over some man you for some reason have placed huge value and importance on?

He is not the one , the guy or it was not meant to be.

Go and invest the time you are spending thinking about how you messed it up (you didn't) in yourself. Get to the gym and work out, make plans with friends and get off them dating sites until you build your confidence and self esteem to such a level that you are able to see a nice guy from an absolute gob****e!;)

Your worth it! Have some belief in yourself. He is the one that's losing out!;)

ja1986

How long were ye seeing each other

batmanrobin

OP, you really need to chill out!! You're speaking about this guy as if he was the great love of your life! He wasn't. You can take that to the bank!

You've built him up in your head and put him on a pedestal. Time to knock him off, because this reaction is not healthy.

He's attitude leaves a lot to be desired. See him for how he really is, not how you want him to be.

I'd suggest (like another poster) that you take a break from dating. You're taking crap behaviour where you shouldn't be. A bit more time spent building yourself up and you'll see you didn't miss out on anything with this guy.

Dial Hard

Dial Hard wrote:

I would respectfully suggest that you're doing the exact same thing again here, OP - over-analysing the entire situation.

What happened, happened, there's nothing you can do about that particular situation now. So park it. What you can do, however, is try and identify what makes you behave this way to begin with.

If you're getting this invested/worked up very early on then it sounds to me like there are deeper issues at play. I'd try and figure out what they are and work on them before going on any more dates.

All this, all over again. Only this time I'm really, really, emphasising the last part.

LegacyUser

We only had a couple of dates but was going extremely well.And then I overthought when nothing wrong.
He would not have driven almost 3 hrs and back to see me if he didn't like me!
I wish I had made this mistake on some other guy,.not him but sure what done is done

Going to forget about him now and look into talking to.someone about my behaviour.
Thanks all for your advice.

LegacyUser

Batmanrobin,
How do you know that he could not have been the love of my life? Who knows what could have happened down the line?
If I didn't act all psycho and mess it up, he may have been?
Everyone is responsible for their own actions and I have to accept that I totally screwed this up.BIG TIME
I have been on plenty of dates and knew he was different.The feeling was mutual.It's obviously not now as he blocked me and wants nothing got to do with me.

I haven't much experience in relationship,.1 long term thing which he treated me like ****e and I kept going back to him falling for false promises.

You seem to have a lot of experience Batmanrobin dealing with men?

Merkin

I'd be concerned that you've only had a couple of dates with this guy as your reaction doesn't seem at all commensurate with the amount of dates you had.

I agree that you have put him on a pedestal. I also think you need to stop with the self flagellation. Say this guy was really in to you like you claim? If he was he would have discussed openly why you were both having a look on the dating app and it would have been resolved, most probably by agreeing not to go on it if you were starting out on a fledgling relationship. If he was in to you he wouldn't let a stupid misunderstanding get in the way. Instead it sounds to me like:

You built this up into something it wasn't.
He was looking for an excuse to extricate himself. He was still online dating himself. Blocking you etc is just ridiculous and not the actions of someone who really cared.

I think you really need to let this one go and also avoid dating for a while until you get your head together.

daisybelle2008

Fireyy wrote: »

Batmanrobin,
How do you know that he could not have been the love of my life? Who knows what could have happened down the line?
If I didn't act all psycho and mess it up, he may have been?
Everyone is responsible for their own actions and I have to accept that I totally screwed this up.BIG TIME
I have been on plenty of dates and knew he was different.The feeling was mutual.It's obviously not now as he blocked me and wants nothing got to do with me.

I haven't much experience in relationship,.1 long term thing which he treated me like ****e and I kept going back to him falling for false promises.

You seem to have a lot of experience Batmanrobin dealing with men?

I have a lot of experience dealing with men, what Batmanrobin said is 100% true. You have very low self-esteem and incredibly low relationship standards for yourself, you are not going to attract a good relationship until you sort that out.

Idle Passerby

You can't internalise it as some fault of yours every time some flaky guy looses interest. The world is choc full of flakes, liars, gas-lighters, commitment phobes, people with baggage as well as decent, honest straightforward people. You can't assume every person who decides they don't want to be with you is doing so because you've somehow failed to be perfect for them. This one didn't work out, that's life. Stop beating yourself up and try to move on from it.

LegacyUser

We had agreed to go off the site.
I went on then one day directly after I got off the phone from my friend.He was on it. I wasn't looking for anyone else on it was a silly thing for me to do. I wish I hadn't.
I think he went on it cos I hadn't replied to whatsapp message.
I didn't mind he was on it. I definitely thought we could have worked through that stupid thing.
After that ,I sent too many texts and now he has a totally different opininon of me


I will move on, just wanted to reply to posts.
Thanks Merkin and Daisybelle.I will work on myself.

DeltaWhite

Fireyy wrote: »

Batmanrobin,
How do you know that he could not have been the love of my life? Who knows what could have happened down the line?
If I didn't act all psycho and mess it up, he may have been?
Everyone is responsible for their own actions and I have to accept that I totally screwed this up.BIG TIME
I have been on plenty of dates and knew he was different.The feeling was mutual.It's obviously not now as he blocked me and wants nothing got to do with me.

I haven't much experience in relationship,.1 long term thing which he treated me like ****e and I kept going back to him falling for false promises.

You seem to have a lot of experience Batmanrobin dealing with men?

OP, trying to be as gentle as I can here, but you need to wake up. He was never going to be "the one". And not because of your actions. It was because you met someone flaky.

The bit in bold is incorrect. He wasn't different at all and he's proven that by his actions, you may have just got your hopes up and now have blamed yourself. The last thing I would want in my life is a man who makes me blame myself for his flaky behavior.

I don't think he was as into you as you think. I definitely agree with everyone else here, stop thinking about this and all the what ifs and maybes. They are not helpful to you! You need to concentrate on yourself, and perhaps be on your own for a few months.

OttoPilot

To be blunt, if he felt the same about you, would he have ended it so quickly? If he thinks you're worth it, he will contact you again.

batmanrobin

Fireyy wrote: »

Batmanrobin,
How do you know that he could not have been the love of my life? Who knows what could have happened down the line?
If I didn't act all psycho and mess it up, he may have been?
Everyone is responsible for their own actions and I have to accept that I totally screwed this up.BIG TIME
I have been on plenty of dates and knew he was different.The feeling was mutual.It's obviously not now as he blocked me and wants nothing got to do with me.

I haven't much experience in relationship,.1 long term thing which he treated me like ****e and I kept going back to him falling for false promises.

You seem to have a lot of experience Batmanrobin dealing with men?

Yup, I've had loads of experience...with the wrong kind of men. The ones who blow hot and cold, who disrespect you and treat you like dirt, who ignore you when it suits them, who treat your feelings and thoughts as if they are worthless, the head melters... I could go on! And all of that because I didn't have enough self worth to say take your pitiful crumbs and shove them where the sun doesn't shine.

I can see by his reaction he's the wrong type of guy. I can see by your reaction that you're probably quite similar to me.

Yes, I can confidently say he isn't the one for you because if he was, (1) he wouldn't be reacting the way he did; (2) he'd have spoken to you properly about things and (3) the most important one of all - it wouldn't be this hard!!

Don't look for the Romeo and Juliet type relationship - they end in tragedy. It shouldn't be hard, it shouldn't be upsetting, it shouldn't have you questioning everything you say and do. The good relationships have none of that nonsense. They work. They're easy (as easy as relationships can be). You're happy more than you're sad etc.

Leave him in the past, take some time to work on yourself and then get back out there.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your advice.
I did act crazy and sent him loads of texts.
He made loads of effort driving near 3 hrs to see me.
He texted me everyday almost always first.
It was all my fault everything changed after pof incident.
I know I am not entirely to blame.
I just wish I hadn't talked to my friend about him.
I should have trusted him.I think he just went on pof cos I hadn't replied.

Ye are all saying he was wrong etc but he definitively was into me then got pissed off when he seen me on pof.

It wasn't hard at all.We were getting on so well and then I over analysed things cos he wasn't as chatty for 2 days!
Next time, I need to keep things private.BIG mistake talking to my friends.

Thanks everyone but I know it's mostly my fault. I can't change anything now and he thinks I'm a psycho.
So no going anywhere near him now but it was all very easy and he was so nice to me.:(

Ursus Horribilis

This sounds awfully familiar. Did you start another thread about this guy a couple of weeks ago?

LegacyUser

Never again will I meet a guy like that again where we connect and attracted to each other.
I ruined everything

batmanrobin

Honestly, OP, I don't think you're taking anything said here on board. You seem hell bent on painting him as an angel and yourself as the harpie.

In time you'll see how ridiculous it was to view him in such a light. Stop running yourself down so much. Delete his number and move on.

Merkin

I think it's time to close the thread OP. Ruminating to this degree is not helpful and at this juncture I think this thread is going around in circles and merely fuelling the over analysis. Please take the advice on board and I hope things work out for you.