Too old?

batmanrobin

OP, you've only gone on one date. You could go on a second one and realise you're not all that interested in him - don't overthink the age thing too much. Besides, you're 24, you're an adult. Him being in his 30s shouldn't be an issue for either of you. It only becomes an issue of he wants say marriage and kids and you don't.

If you like him, why not just go with the flow and see how things go. Even if he was the same age as you, that's all you could do.

amdublin

Don't tell you mother what age he is if you think they'll make a big deal of it. It doesn't matter what your parents think anyway but just save yourself the hassle.

The important thing is the two of you and what you think. The less you make an issue of it the less of an issue it is....but I'd be fearful that you are talking about it already an issue has been already made.

The Young Wan

amdublin wrote: »

Don't tell you mother what age he is if you think they'll make a big deal of it. It doesn't matter what your parents think anyway but just save yourself the hassle.

The important thing is the two of you and what you think. The less you make an issue of it the less of an issue it is....but I'd be fearful that you are talking about it already an issue has been already made.

We've said to each other that we didn't see the age gap as a problem. I tend to go a little older anyway as I'm not very comfortable with the f*ck boy mentality a lot of guys around my age seem to have.

amdublin

The Young Wan wrote: »

We've said to each other that we didn't see the age gap as a problem. I tend to go a little older anyway as I'm not very comfortable with the f*ck boy mentality a lot of guys around my age seem to have.

I don't know what that mentality is.

OK if you tend to go a little older what's different here?

You're a grown adult in your mid twenties he's a grown adult in his mid thirties.

Honestly op, seems to me you are the only one making an issue by even giving it thought. In the big scheme of things 9 years between two grown up adults is nothing imo l.

magneticimpulse

knucklehead6 wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with being mid 40's and single.

As concerns the OP, go for it.
The only issue I can see here is that you might have an issue with it, so you need to deal with that before getting in too deep

Theres nothing wrong with it because all of my friends fall in that category.

I made that comment because they were dating me and wanted to settle down and have kids when they were 30 32 and i was 23-25. I didnt want that. Maybe they missed out on having a family because they were dating girls in their 20s who didnt want to settle down instead of dating girls a similar age when they were in their 30s.

It just prolongs something that they wanted 10 years ago. It of course might work out for them that they meet someone.

The Young Wan

amdublin wrote: »

I don't know what that mentality is.

OK if you tend to go a little older what's different here?

You're a grown adult in your mid twenties he's a grown adult in his mid thirties.

Honestly op, seems to me you are the only one making an issue by even giving it thought. In the big scheme of things 9 years between two grown up adults is nothing imo l.

By f*ck boy I mean the 'only good for one night, in it for one thing' mentality. Not something I'm very into, really.

I just think it's that this is probably the oldest I've gone. When I was 19 I was seeing a 28 year old, I think that's roughly the same age gap but it didn't seem off to me.

uck51js9zml2yt

14 years between me and my wife. Its not an issue for us.

Lavinia

The Young Wan wrote: »

No, when we met the other night the age gap didn't even occur to me.

Well then I see no problem. The most important is how you feel about it - from my point of view. And he of course. It is true it is 11 years of age gap but it only matters in case you do not "click" or understand each other etc.

If you two are happy I presume whoever cares for you truly will be happy for you too. Others really do not matter.

My father was 13 years older than my mom. And I say "was" only because she passed away few years ago. No issues at all. Apart from that me and my two siblings made jokes of them whenever they tried to say something to us :-D.

My brother is 7 years older than his wife, and they are believe it or not already 16 years together and very happy still.

So enjoy your relationship and all the best!

Ursus Horribilis

I just think it's that this is probably the oldest I've gone. When I was 19 I was seeing a 28 year old, I think that's roughly the same age gap but it didn't seem off to me.

To be honest, I think the 19-28 age gap is a far bigger issue than the one you have now. I'd be thinking what on earth does a 28 year old have in common with a 19 year old? 24-35 is a different ball game. You should be a lot more grown up at 24 than you were at 19.

The Young Wan

Odus fell down wrote: »

You should be a lot more grown up at 24 than you were at 19.

I'd like to hope I am. We're meeting for coffee today (round two ding ding) and we can take it from there. He's a nice guy, so I'm hoping something will come from it.

Ursus Horribilis

Good luck! Personally I think the age gap's fine. Sometimes it takes fellas longer to mature so maybe the two of you are meeting in the middle somewhere

magneticimpulse

Op it's like any relationship regardless of age and what stage you are in your life.

Do you want to travel, settle Down, buy a house, have kids, party?
What does he want to do in the next year, two years? Does he want to travel, or have kids?

As long as you both want the same thing from the relationship it doesn't matter about age and the same applies to all relationships. (Even when there is no age gap)

Birdsong

You seem to be more worried about what other people will think. There was 15 years between my grandparents & they had a great relationship. They meet in the 1940s,so don't know where you are getting your Catholic Ireland thing. And why would you tell your mother you met on tinder, she doesn't need to know. Tell her you meet in the pub you had your first date.

wokingvoter

The Young Wan wrote: »

To be fair, the main problem I can see it coming from would be friends of mine (ironically, one is in a nine year age gap relationship) or the uber Catholic side of my family.

What has the Catholic bit got to do with the price of eggs?
My friend married at age 40 a man 14 years her senior.
He already had 2 adult children and didn't want any more and she didn't want any atall.
She's now 51 and he's 65. The age gap is still not a factor as far as I can see.
His adult children and my friend don't really get along. She finds their small children ( his grandchildren) badly behaved when they visit, which is not very often. She resents his constantly bailing them out financially as well.
I've reasoned with her that she just doesn't really like small children (she doesn't) and that many adult children struggling with mortgage and childcare ask their parents for help, that it's a gift, not a loan, but as someone who has had to look out for herself all her adult life, she finds it hard to empathise.

LegacyUser

My husband is 13 yrs older than me. His parents had a 16 yr age gap. In fairness once you're both adults, there really isn't any such thing as acceptable or not. If it works,it works.

The Young Wan

Hit with the same line as always "I don't want something serious, I'm just after a casual fling."

Sigh.

Lavinia

Ohh, sorry to hear that.

Well at least your dilemma has been somewhat resolved : ) if nothing else..

The Young Wan

Lavinia wrote: »

Ohh, sorry to hear that.

Well at least your dilemma has been somewhat resolved : ) if nothing else..

That's very true 😂

milli milli

The Young Wan wrote: »

Hit with the same line as always "I don't want something serious, I'm just after a casual fling."

Sigh.

Well if anything is to learned from this OP, is that age doesn't mean a thing - as illustrated above.

Best of luck in the future.

Keane2baMused

There is 7 years between myself and my fiancé. There was 8 years between me and an ex. If anything I am more mature

It makes no difference unless you let it.

Sorry to hear he threw the 'want a fling' line! I take it he didn't make that clear before you met? *sigh*

Onwards and upwards!

The Young Wan

Keane2baMused wrote: »

There is 7 years between myself and my fiancé. There was 8 years between me and an ex. If anything I am more mature

It makes no difference unless you let it.

Sorry to hear he threw the 'want a fling' line! I take it he didn't make that clear before you met? *sigh*

Onwards and upwards!

No, he only said that to me today after coffee. Bit of a bummer, as it happens to me a LOT, but it'll be fine.

The Young Wan

milli milli wrote: »

Well if anything is to learned from this OP, is that age doesn't mean a thing - as illustrated above.

Best of luck in the future.

Yeah, very true. It really is just a number.

Thanks very much!

Tigger99

Can I make a suggestion OP? If you are told a lot by guys that you meet that they just want a fling is there a chance you are coming across as very full on? I mean after your first date you were on here asking about the ages difference and mentioning what your family would think. Maybe that comes across to guys?

The Young Wan

Tigger99 wrote: »

Can I make a suggestion OP? If you are told a lot by guys that you meet that they just want a fling is there a chance you are coming across as very full on? I mean after your first date you were on here asking about the ages difference and mentioning what your family would think. Maybe that comes across to guys?

Yeah, I've thought that before. Could be a problem.

Emme

The Young Wan wrote: »

Hit with the same line as always "I don't want something serious, I'm just after a casual fling."

Sigh.

Sorry to hear that OP. Perhaps he isn't long out of a serious relationship. Some guys in their 30s deliberately date girls in their 20s because they don't want anything serious. You mentioned that some guys in their 20s have a f*ck boy attitude. Quite a few guys in their 30s & 40s have that attitude too. It can apply to all genders at all ages.

beks101

Tigger99 wrote: »

Can I make a suggestion OP? If you are told a lot by guys that you meet that they just want a fling is there a chance you are coming across as very full on? I mean after your first date you were on here asking about the ages difference and mentioning what your family would think. Maybe that comes across to guys?

In my experience of tinder the "casual fling" lads are ten a penny. Seems more common than not that things go that way, such is the swipe-right-for-someone-new nature of that platform as a way to meet people. It fosters this attitude that people are disposable and why date X exclusively when I can date A, B, C at the same time and then see what D has on offer when things get boring there.

Obviously some people have better luck, but in a general sense I found it caters more to casual hook-ups than anything more meaningful.

I think single people can ruminate too much and blame themselves unnecessarily when dating doesn't go their way for a while. I'm all for self-reflection, and if you're marrying yourself off to someone in your head five minutes after meeting them then maybe there's a cause for concern, but I'd reckon it's fairly normal to think about things like age gaps and lifestyle compatibility if you've met and hit it off with someone on a first date. Theses are things you might consider when you're thinking about whether you'd like to go on a second date, especially when you're looking for more than a casual fling.

Meeting the right partner is mainly about luck/timing and opportunity in my experience.

Tigger99

There's an element of that Beks but I've met a few guys that I've said it to as they were very full on or couldn't understand why I didn't want to meet up again when there was no chemistry so I've definitely used it as an excuse.

Tinder is the absolute worst.

OP, did you know that we have an online dating forum? Post in the linked thread to get access.

The Young Wan

Deleted User wrote: »

Tinder is the absolute worst.

OP, did you know that we have an online dating forum? Post in the linked thread to get access.

I did not, but u am extremely glad you showed me, thank you!

enzo roco

The Young Wan wrote: »

I'm doing a Masters, he's a freelance videographer.
Met on Tinder.
He's quite sporty, does half marathons 2x a year, I'm a booknerd.

Am I the only one when they look relationships, many dont have the same interests???

Eg, One is a gamer, the other is sports nut.
One is into fashion, the other is into books/science.


Where does it say, the couple have to have the same interests or else they will never work out?

Maybe, just maybe, you'll end up doing a 5km with him sometime in the future. And he'll take a lend of a classic book of yours, and then yous will be discussing the book over dinner, a riveting conversation about the characters. How romantic!!!