PostMan thinks I am a terrorist

bogwalrus

This is no joke. It all started when I ordered some electronics off the internet (magnetic levitation kit). I have had a number of electronics projects over the years and accumulated quite a bit of electronics gear.

So to cut a long story short my kitchen table is completely visible from the front door. All one has to do is peep in and they can see everything on the table. While doing this levitation project i covered the table in all sorts of electronics stuff and just left it there for weeks. I know for a fact that he noticed because he asked me if I was an engineer out of the blue one day. I told him I was back in college doing software development. This leads me to part two of why my postman thinks I am a terrorist.

I had put the electronics project to the side because i needed to finish some college projects. I kept everything on the table because i thought i would be back to it in no time. I was wrong.

I was spending so much time on these projects that i barely shaved or showered for weeks and so grew a nice big beard. I had never had a beard so this was out of the norm for me.

That week i noticed the postman acting strange. He would not be himself and i definitely noticed him being a bit standoffish. And this brings me to the final reason why my postman thinks i am a terrorist.

The post arrives 1pm everyday. Early in the week i decided to shave my head. The most ideal socket was near the table in the front room (the one with all the electronics etc). I lay a towel down and knelt right near the window by the front door. Just before the postman arrived i was on my knees bowing up and down trying to pick through the different blade heads. I would reach for one bring it up to me and put down again. It really would look like i was praying.

He saw me do this and instead of knocking on the door to hand the post (we have no post box). He just opened the door and fired it in. This is really unlike the postman. I then started thinking and came to the conclusion based on all the events he must have seen that he must think i have joined isis or something. anyway thats my story.

mansize

Cool story brah

Antar Bolaeisk

Greet him with a bit of Arabic the next time you see him, that'll but him at ease.

gramar

Next time prank him with a backpack...drop it at his feet and run like this fella...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fC6Pxw1eLU

a fat guy

Change your doorbell to the sound of you screaming "Allahu Akbar".

Video tape what happens.

Guy:Incognito

Have a wash.

VinLieger

Get a big pole stick it in your front garden and stick up a directional sign post with Mecca written on it, should fix any problems......

stimpson

Buy loads of bleach

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyEeScSR6mk

mansize

Guy:Incognito wrote: »

Have a wash.

Fratton Fred

Order two tonnes of fertilizer, for the attention of Mr P O'Neill.

That should have the ARU round pretty sharpish.

smash

Post an old school style alarm clock to yourself!

ghostdancer

maybe he's a bit standoff-ish because your gaff is a mess with **** everywhere and you stink?

Discodog

A friend of mine was always joking that she didn't need a man because her Rabbit was far better. We got a cardboard tube about 3 feet long & filled it with sweets. We printed off the Ann Summers logo from their website including the "how to achieve the big O" tagline, stuck it on the tube & posted it to her.

She described how the Postman was desperately trying to keep a straight face & over the next days started winking at her.

HensVassal

Just leave an empty booze bottle on the table along with a few empty pork scratchings and smokey bacon crisp wrappers. That's should dispel any suspicions he might have.

Pickpocket

He probably just thinks you're a smelly weirdo.

GavRedKing

Simple, order a copy of the Qu'ran and see how he delivers it, maybe answer the door asking him how many virgins he expects to receive when he meets his false God.

That will settle any nerves he has surely.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Throw a package at him, slam the door and ran away screaming.

Robsweezie

Sounds like something from a Mr bean like situational comedy.

esforum

I think your postman just thiinnks your weird and doesnt want to talk to you OP

StupidLikeAFox

Next time you talk to him mention something like "Youre not planning a holiday around the end of July are you?" - if he says no just say, "Oh good, Ive always liked you"

biko

Get offended and claim not all bogwalruses are terrorists

josip

Fratton Fred wrote: »

Order two tonnes of fertilizer, for the attention of Mr P O'Neill.

That should have the ARU round pretty sharpish.

Unless it's 10-10-20

Avatar MIA

josip wrote: »

Unless it's 10-10-20

I'm guessing this is a hilarious farmer in-joke

OldGoat

Think you'd scare him even more if he saw you levitating.

howdoyouknow

So I noticed you haven't said you aren't making bombs? Maybe the post man's suspicions are correct?

Mr. CooL ICE

Tell him he seems like a nice guy and to stay out of a certain nearby town/city at the weekend

harry Bailey esq

At least he wont try ride ur wife,postmen are notorious for this, second only to milkmen its said.

Yamanoto

Clickbait title for a makey up story.

Surprised it's not the Indo knocking on your door.

jmayo

Why does this come to mind ....

http://www.thefathertedguide.co.uk/areyouright1.jpg

mansize

Methinks the OP doth protest too much...

Who would win in a fight OP, Jesus, Muhammad or Moses?

That's Jesus Chavez
Muhammad Ali or
Paulus Moses

Badly Drunk Boy

I'm not convinced that you even have a postman!

bogwalrus

Yamanoto wrote: »

Clickbait title for a makey up story.

Surprised it's not the Indo knocking on your door.

It is not made up. The event where I shaved my head by the window near the door at exactly 1pm where he could see me was just a fluke. If this had not happened he might have just brushed it off but Its the combination of things that has him freaked a bit. We actually had a different postman today. I'm expecting the CIA any day now.

If you want proof i can take a pick of table by window near door full of electronics and also a bag of my hair freshly cut from the last day and a pick of the floor socket I used right by said window.:D

Avatar MIA

bogwalrus wrote: »

and also a bag of my hair freshly cut from the last day

You don't shower for weeks, and keep bags of your old hair lying around.

Hmmm might skip calling around for tea.

JustShon

Alternative thread title: Terrorist thinks I'm a PostMan.

Started by a guy who's job is keeping tabs on suspected terrorists for the government.

Barely shaving and showering for weeks?
Dirty!

That's probably why he thinks you're a terrorist

MajorMax

No one's asking the hard questions

1. Are you a terrorist?
2. No seriously, are you a terrorist?

maudgonner

MajorMax wrote: »

No one's asking the hard questions

1. Are you a terrorist?
2. No seriously, are you a terrorist?

Also, why was he ordering a magnetic levitation kit off the internet?

Is he trying to be some kind of knock-off Magneto? If he's not a terrorist, maybe he's a wannabe super villain?

bogwalrus

maudgonner wrote: »

Also, why was he ordering a magnetic levitation kit off the internet?

Who wouldn't want to play with one of these.

?

maudgonner

bogwalrus wrote: »

Who wouldn't want to play with one of these.

In fairness, you're right. That's pretty cool.

Can we all come round your place to play with it? If we dress up in hijabs/fake beards and time it for when the postman is due you can add to your terrorist reputation?

marklazarcovic

im a postie and this is brill,ive seen some suspicious activity in my time but id actually howl with laughter should the above events happen to me..





cool story though


(ps. order some clearly marked halal meat or similar)

Stigura

Dean 'O? That's not you, is it?!

I have a mate, Dean 'O. Lives down the road. He has a table in his kitchen too. Hard up against the window, for all to see. And he's a bit of a weirdo. You'd get on with him, OP. Very good at making things.

He made a Tesla Coil on that table. I was afraid he might send the bog into another dimension or something.

He talks about diodes, amps and capacitors like that's every day talk to ordinary people

When the Gards came to arrest him, for making guns in his shed, they saw the foil covered bottles, linked by wires and ~ quite understandably ~ got the fukc out of Dodge and called the Bomb Disposal boys in.

That's when I happened by in a taxi, coincidentally driven by a TA member. I was stunned to see the road full of Gards motors. But, when the driver said one guy was the Bomb Disposal, and I actually glimpsed the little thing on cat tracks, I just about lost the fukcing plot altogether! This was my mate, remember!

He had had a fertilizer sack in his kitchen, not long back. But, I guessed that was coincidental and was probably used to deliver some turf.

Anyway, grand post, OP. Just watch things don't get a little sobering .....

The Randy Riverbeast

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

At least he wont try ride ur wife,postmen are notorious for this, second only to milkmen its said.

But think of all the wives he could choose from.

flutered

you have taken the saying keep em thinking to new hights

flutered

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

I'm not convinced that you even have a postman!

he had one ok, until this sch1t started, next thing is he will get a note telling him to collect his mail in person from the po, while there he can check out the stench of fear from the postie he used to have