Should Parents allow their teenage children alcohol?

Angel777

I'm just wondering how people feel letting their teenage children drink alcohol in their own home? Conflicting thoughts about this as I don't want to endorse the drinking of alcohol and am aware that legally wise it may be OK within the home,it is illegal outside of the home.
Any thoughts appreciated. Thanks.

Lucyfur

At what age? I've a 13 year old. He is absolutely not allowed alcohol, nor does he have any interest in it (yet). If he was 17? Yeah, maybe a glass of beer, or a small glass of wine with a meal. My family is littered with alcoholism. I'm very conscious of it, but I also feel that ''normalised'' drinking at home (on an occasion, I'm not advocating handing your teen a whiskey on a Tuesday night :pac:) lessens the need for teens to go out an get blathered in a field/barn/bus shelter/free house. I'm very open with my son about the dangers of excessive drinking. He's seen family members die from alcoholism. But he's also seen me sit and have wine at the weekend, have friends over for drinks etc. If he does go on to drink himself, I'd hope that growing up with awareness and a healthy approach will stand to him.

blackbird 49

A few year back when my eldest son was nearly sixteen his friends and him(as we found out later on) had hatched a plan to going drinking in the fields near us, they each told their parents they were sleeping in each other houses, One of the parents put 2 and 2 together, when i asked my son was were they going to do when the middle of the night when going to sleep, he looked at me said they didnt know as they had a plan Abut no plan B, All thankfully worked out in the end, after that we let him have a drink at home and family gatherings and i found that a few people i knew who did the same that when their kids came 18 it wasnt such a big deal, so yes i would

Angel777

Many thanks for your replies. My teenager is still a little young at the moment but just trying to get organised!!

BeardySi

Yes.

Making alcohol the forbidden fruit is what causes problems. If it's normalised it loses a lot of its attraction. I used to get (watered) wine at special occasions from when I was about 8 or 9 and could drink beer/cider at home occasionally from 14 or so (indeed we were drinking in pubs at 15 but they were different days! ). While I won't say I never went out and got pissed as a teenager we always drank reasonably sensibly and never really went off the rails. I've always felt a sensible approach to the issue goes a long way in encouraging mature drinking habits later one...

enzo roco

Treadhead wrote: »

Yes.

Making alcohol the forbidden fruit is what causes problems

And I dont think that only applies to teenagers.

The whole country has a problem, with our attitude towards alcohol.
Sure even as an Adult, Im apparently a loser if I dont go out for drinks at the weekend.

Speedwell

My parents never had a problem with wine with dinner, and if we kids wanted some, we were allowed a sip, or just a little dribble in our own glass. Our family was very much a "drink is part of the meal" household, and overdrinking was as bad as stuffing your face with all the cookies or eating someone else's dinner.

I got to like Scotch in my late 30s. I just sip the occasional dram, no mystery or thrill about it other than a warm feeling from the drink, of course. I was introducing my sister-in-law to a particularly nice bottle I picked up in Heathrow duty-free, and her 17-year-old son wanted to try it. "Michael, you are going to hate it," I said. "You literally have too many taste buds in the wrong places at your age." This, to the best of my knowledge, is actually true. A good Scotch gets better, not with its age, but with yours. He wanted to try it anyway, so I poured him a little and said, "Don't blame me if you think it's terrible." He tasted it and spit it out. I made him apologize to the hundred-and-fifty-euro bottle. "Don't let me catch you drinking anything but the good stuff, because the bad stuff isn't worth it. And don't let me catch you doing that until you can be a connoisseur." He and I laughed. He's just nerdy enough that I think he'll be a wine and whisky snob before he even likes the stuff.

2RockMountain

Treadhead wrote: »

Yes.

Making alcohol the forbidden fruit is what causes problems. If it's normalised it loses a lot of its attraction. I used to get (watered) wine at special occasions from when I was about 8 or 9 and could drink beer/cider at home occasionally from 14 or so (indeed we were drinking in pubs at 15 but they were different days! ). While I won't say I never went out and got pissed as a teenager we always drank reasonably sensibly and never really went off the rails. I've always felt a sensible approach to the issue goes a long way in encouraging mature drinking habits later one...

I recall seeing some research in recent years that contradicted this - that introducing kids to alcohol in the controlled environment in the home actually enabled them to drink more at younger ages than their peers who didn't have access to alcohol.

CelticRambler

I was reared in the tradition of taking the pledge till you were 18, and (apart from the lads who were happy enough to break the pledge at 14/15/16) the sense of anticipation coming up to your 18th birthday and being able to get stocious was mental. Between that and getting off your head on a Friday/Saturday and on the night of the debs, and then in university ... Well, I wasn't one of that crowd (can't stand the taste of beer or spirits) and couldn't be doing with the whole "got to be drunk to have fun" thing in 90s Ireland, so I left.

Rearing my own children, there was none of that taboo. We'd have wine with dinner on special occasions (they didn't have to be that special!) and the children would get the same as the adults. None of this watering down business either - just a (much) smaller glass that they'd stretch out to last as long as the main course, the same as us adults. The odd time we'd have a bottle of something else open and the children would ask for a taste, they'd get a taste. Nine times out of ten they'd think it was disgusting; end of interest.

Now they're all late-teens and older and none of them has the slightest interest in binge-drinking, nor do they need "dutch courage" to chat up someone they fancy or whatever. My eldest (21 this year) particularly likes cider (French, half the strength of Irish/British cider) so I'd nearly always have a bottle in the fridge for him when he comes home, and he'll make it last a week - the same as me and a bottle of wine, if there's no-one to share it with!

Speedwell

2RockMountain wrote: »

I recall seeing some research in recent years that contradicted this - that introducing kids to alcohol in the controlled environment in the home actually enabled them to drink more at younger ages than their peers who didn't have access to alcohol.

It's not the amount they drink, but how they drink. I'm sure if you added up all the dribbles and sips and "might as well serve out the rest of the bottle I used just a cup for in the dinner" over a year, it would have looked like a lot, but I hate feeling drunk and I would never have been, then or now.

naughtysmurf

We allow our 17 year old a couple of cans of cider maybe a couple of times a month, he done the dog at a party we were throwing last year, he suffered, we have all been there, he now limits himself to a couple, he is sensible enough, much prefer this than him in a field somewhere

silverharp

My son developed a liking for a german non alcoholic beer like drink called malzbier a couple of years back when he was 9, so we are on notice ;-) . We don't want to give alcohol any kind of "taboo" status. My attitude is just to reinforce the idea that being drunk is a dumb thing to do on the simple basis that he will ruin his night out and he will have more fun if he isn't drunk. He is 11 now and at holidays he is allowed non alcoholic beer. Play it by ear when he is older

CelticRambler

naughtysmurf wrote: »

We allow our 17 year old a couple of cans of cider maybe a couple of times a month ... much prefer this than him in a field somewhere

A while back I was hoping to organise some Franco-Irish evening events in Ireland and came face-to-face with the Irish licensing laws, specifically the rules kicking "children" out of a venue after 9pm when alcohol is being sold. Supposedly this is to stop them learning bad habits! :pac:

My first reaction was exactly the same: better have them drinking under supervision than going it alone in a field somewhere. :rolleyes:

Claw Hammer

Teenagers under 18 are children. Children should not be given alcohol and should not be allowed consume it.The reason there is so much teenage drinking is because of irresponsible parenting. Alcohol is introduced in to every significant occasion in childrens lives.It is no wonder they associate drink with enjoyment and regard itb as a neccessity.

Speedwell

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Teenagers under 18 are children. Children should not be given alcohol and should not be allowed consume it.The reason there is so much teenage drinking is because of irresponsible parenting. Alcohol is introduced in to every significant occasion in childrens lives.It is no wonder they associate drink with enjoyment and regard itb as a neccessity.

Take the stick out.

Claw Hammer

Speedwell wrote: »

Take the stick out.

Parents aren't allowed to punish their children any more.

Speedwell

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Parents aren't allowed to punish their children any more.

The one up your spine. Honestly, are you a leftover member of the Temperance League?

Penny Tration

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Teenagers under 18 are children. Children should not be given alcohol and should not be allowed consume it.The reason there is so much teenage drinking is because of irresponsible parenting. Alcohol is introduced in to every significant occasion in childrens lives.It is no wonder they associate drink with enjoyment and regard itb as a neccessity.

Really? Cause out of my friends and I, I was the only one allowed drink as a teenager (the odd alcopop or beer at 16, once I asked permission, whatever I wanted at 17 once I told my folks). I'm the only one who didn't go knacker drinking in fields or town, and at 27, while I've had two bad drunken incidents in my early twenties, I'm the only one who doesn't binge drink (i wouldn't hit the 14 units a week women are recommended to stay beneath), and one of the few who hasn't drunkenly gotten impregnated.


Alcohol isn't taboo. making it so, makes it more desirable.

Claw Hammer

Penny Tration wrote: »

Really? Cause out of my friends and I, I was the only one allowed drink as a teenager (the odd alcopop or beer at 16, once I asked permission, whatever I wanted at 17 once I told my folks). I'm the only one who didn't go knacker drinking in fields or town, and at 27, while I've had two bad drunken incidents in my early twenties, I'm the only one who doesn't binge drink (i wouldn't hit the 14 units a week women are recommended to stay beneath), and one of the few who hasn't drunkenly gotten impregnated.


Alcohol isn't taboo. making it so, makes it more desirable.

One swallow doesn't make a summer.

Speedwell

Claw Hammer wrote: »

One swallow doesn't make a summer.

Or an alcoholic.

SuperRabbit

Alcohol, yes. Smartphones, no.

mickoneill31

Claw Hammer wrote: »

One swallow doesn't make a summer.

Its not one swallow. Everybody else in this thread posted positive experiences. There's only one negative poster. Is that the swallow you're referring to?

Claw Hammer

mickoneill31 wrote: »

Its not one swallow. Everybody else in this thread posted positive experiences. There's only one negative poster. Is that the swallow you're referring to?

Not understood.

toptom

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Parents aren't allowed to punish their children any more.

Unfortunately, And thats why we're in this mess with youth crime and binge drinking. Drinking age should be 21 nowadays. Teenagers brains arent developed enough to handle alcohol.

Jayop

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Teenagers under 18 are children. Children should not be given alcohol and should not be allowed consume it.The reason there is so much teenage drinking is because of irresponsible parenting. Alcohol is introduced in to every significant occasion in childrens lives.It is no wonder they associate drink with enjoyment and regard itb as a neccessity.

Rubbish. Explain how the likes of the French, Spanish, Portuguese and the rest are all such sensible drinkers compared to us when you see them giving drink to their kids at home as a matter of course.

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Parents aren't allowed to punish their children any more.

Really? Try telling my kids that if they lose their phone or games console for a week. Either of them would probably prefer a smack to the other types of punishment that actually require a parent to do some parenting rather than just thumping the kids.

flutered

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Teenagers under 18 are children. Children should not be given alcohol and should not be allowed consume it.The reason there is so much teenage drinking is because of irresponsible parenting. Alcohol is introduced in to every significant occasion in childrens lives.It is no wonder they associate drink with enjoyment and regard itb as a neccessity.

yet in some parts of europe they drink wine with meals from a young age, is this country on the road to be the most nanny place in the planet outside of north korea

Claw Hammer

Jayop wrote: »

Rubbish. Explain how the likes of the French, Spanish, Portuguese and the rest are all such sensible drinkers compared to us when you see them giving drink to their kids at home as a matter of course.



Really? Try telling my kids that if they lose their phone or games console for a week. Either of them would probably prefer a smack to the other types of punishment that actually require a parent to do some parenting rather than just thumping the kids.

There is nothing sensible about giving drink to children. the parents own drinking pattern is irrelevant.
Not having a phone or games console is not punishment. All it is doing is making them even more spoilt.

toptom

My eldest when he were a teen got brought home by the guards when he was 15 in thurles at the feile 91, Legless he was, Our family were mortified about it.
He didn't see a drink again till he was 18 because we kept our eye on him and pretty much grounded him from then on. Once was enough in our house it wasnt going to occur again

Jayop

Claw Hammer wrote: »

There is nothing sensible about giving drink to children. the parents own drinking pattern is irrelevant.
Not having a phone or games console is not punishment. All it is doing is making them even more spoilt.

lol right-o

So all the countries that have a sensible approach to drinking are wrong and you are right.


So tell me, how should you punish a child (if you were legally allowed)?

Elemonator

I was allowed at 16, but only one. You are right when you say that allowing a small bit at home goes a long way towards reducing the need to get mongoed in the local field (not that the Gardai seemed to care when we did, all they cared about was our camp fire going out of control).

But you need to be careful, I know a few people who got the sense of rampant adventurism at the age of just 13 and eventually moved onto drugs. Trying to live up to a reputation methinks.

Claw Hammer

Jayop wrote: »

lol right-o

So all the countries that have a sensible approach to drinking are wrong and you are right.


So tell me, how should you punish a child (if you were legally allowed)?

Countries do not have an approach to drinking. Individuals do. This giving drink to children is all about people feling virtuous about doing something about the fact that some so called adults behave irresponsibly. The punishment should fit the crime.

Rezident

Allow? You can either facilitate them drinking in a safer, controlled environment or they will do it anyway in a random field or wherever.

My own parents' zero tolerance approach to alcohol was a predictable failure. Luckily one of my friends had more realistic parents who let us drink cans in the shed at the bottom of their garden - that way their sons and daughters were drinking in their garden (literally) instead of in a field somewhere in the dark with random strangers.

You know kids lie right? ('We're going to the cinema').

Claw Hammer

Rezident wrote: »

You know kids lie right? ('We're going to the cinema').

A good parent would catch a child out in lies.

Hellrazer

I allowed my now 18 year old to have a drink with her meal when she was 14-15.

At 16 she was allowed to have a drink on holidays if the law in the country in question allowed it.Not go mad mind you just a couple of beers a night.

Definitely think it was for the best. Shes turned into a responsible drinker more so than I ever was ie drinking in fields at 15 onwards. And not just getting one or two beers..literally having to get friends drag me home.

See the problem over here is the whole "no drinking till youre 18 and then boom--drink like a fish as soon as you either hit that age or can get alcohol somewhere"

Definitely think its in a parents and teenagers interests to allow responsible drinking at a younger than legal age.Like someone said earlier the European countries where children / teens can have a glass of wine with a meal don't have a drinking problem like us.

Jayop

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Countries do not have an approach to drinking. Individuals do. This giving drink to children is all about people feling virtuous about doing something about the fact that some so called adults behave irresponsibly. The punishment should fit the crime.

You don't half talk a load of nonsense.

You also completely dodged the question about punishment. You insinuated earlier that parents cannot punish their children anymore. Given the only thing that's changed is not being allowed to hit your kids I'm guessing that's what you're referring to.

If it is, then you'll excuse me if I don't take parenting advise from someone who thinks the only way to raise kids is by thumping them. :rolleyes:

Claw Hammer

Jayop wrote: »

You don't half talk a load of nonsense.

You also completely dodged the question about punishment. You insinuated earlier that parents cannot punish their children anymore. Given the only thing that's changed is not being allowed to hit your kids I'm guessing that's what you're referring to.

If it is, then you'll excuse me if I don't take parenting advise from someone who thinks the only way to raise kids is by thumping them. :rolleyes:

It was another poster who talked about getting the stick out. You are now trying to turn a discussion about drink into a discussion about corporal punishment which is now illegal so you don't have to stand over your comments about countries having an approach to drinking.

Hellrazer

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Teenagers under 18 are children. Children should not be given alcohol and should not be allowed consume it.The reason there is so much teenage drinking is because of irresponsible parenting. Alcohol is introduced in to every significant occasion in childrens lives.It is no wonder they associate drink with enjoyment and regard itb as a neccessity.

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Parents aren't allowed to punish their children any more.

Claw Hammer wrote: »

There is nothing sensible about giving drink to children. the parents own drinking pattern is irrelevant.
Not having a phone or games console is not punishment. All it is doing is making them even more spoilt.

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Countries do not have an approach to drinking. Individuals do. This giving drink to children is all about people feling virtuous about doing something about the fact that some so called adults behave irresponsibly. The punishment should fit the crime.

Claw Hammer wrote: »

A good parent would catch a child out in lies.

God those posts are really full of sh1t to be completely honest.

Answer me this--have you actually any experience whatsoever of parenting ie do you have any children yourself?

Jayop

Claw Hammer wrote: »

It was another poster who talked about getting the stick out. You are now trying to turn a discussion about drink into a discussion about corporal punishment which is now illegal so you don't have to stand over your comments about countries having an approach to drinking.

nah it was you.

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Parents aren't allowed to punish their children any more.

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Not having a phone or games console is not punishment. All it is doing is making them even more spoilt.

The insinuation from these posts are that since you can't now hit a child you are not able to control them. If you're someone who can't control a child without resorting to violence then I think your opinion in a parenting thread should count for less than nothing.


As for parents on the continent teaching kids a healthy attitude to alcohol. Do some research before talking nonsense.

Claw Hammer

Hellrazer wrote: »

God those posts are really full of sh1t to be completely honest.

Answer me this--have you actually any experience whatsoever of parenting ie do you have any children yourself?

I am not getting into replying to personalised attacks.

Claw Hammer

Jayop wrote: »

nah it was you.





The insinuation from these posts are that since you can't now hit a child you are not able to control them. If you're someone who can't control a child without resorting to violence then I think your opinion in a parenting thread should count for less than nothing.


As for parents on the continent teaching kids a healthy attitude to alcohol. Do some research before talking nonsense.

I did not advocate corporal punishment. Just because some parents give their children alcohol and those poarents do not themslevs have a drink problem does not mean cause and effect.

Jayop

Claw Hammer wrote: »

I did not advocate corporal punishment. Just because some parents give their children alcohol and those poarents do not themslevs have a drink problem does not mean cause and effect.

OK then, for the third time, how should you punish a child who is bold if the law had not changed?

Hellrazer

Claw Hammer wrote: »

I am not getting into replying to personalised attacks.

Not an attack..just my opinion.
Im not the only one with that opinion either.

This "holier than thou" attitude towards parenting makes my blood boil.

Theres nothing worse than someone telling you how to raise your children if they don't have an experience themselves.

Claw Hammer

I am not telling anyone how to raise their children. There is a fallacy at the root of this debate. Many people in Ireland are irresponsible drinkers. In Ireland alcohol may not be sold to under 18s. there are restrictions on minors being in pubs etc.
In some other countries there are fewer people who are irresponsible drinkers. They supply drink to their children.
Therefore, some people say that if Irish people supply drink to their children, there will be fewer irresponsible drinkers in Ireland.
This is fallacious. The child of a responsible drinker is more likely to become a responsible drinker. The supply of drink to them as achild has nothing to do with it. The reason there aren't more irresponsible drinkers in a country is because fewer of the parents of those people were irresponsible drinkers.
A parent who drinks irresponsibly is more likely to produce a child wo drinks irresponsibly whether or not the parent supplies the child with drink or not.

Jayop

Claw Hammer wrote: »

I am not telling anyone how to raise their children. There is a fallacy at the root of this debate. Many people in Ireland are irresponsible drinkers. In Ireland alcohol may not be sold to under 18s. there are restrictions on minors being in pubs etc.
In some other countries there are fewer people who are irresponsible drinkers. They supply drink to their children.
Therefore, some people say that if Irish people supply drink to their children, there will be fewer irresponsible drinkers in Ireland.
This is fallacious. The child of a responsible drinker is more likely to become a responsible drinker. The supply of drink to them as achild has nothing to do with it. The reason there aren't more irresponsible drinkers in a country is because fewer of the parents of those people were irresponsible drinkers.
A parent who drinks irresponsibly is more likely to produce a child wo drinks irresponsibly whether or not the parent supplies the child with drink or not.

You think.

Do you have any research to back this up?



And you've still dodged my question. How would you punish a child if allowed by law?

Claw Hammer

Jayop wrote: »

You think.

Do you have any research to back this up?



And you've still dodged my question. How would you punish a child if allowed by law?

There is lots of research. This is not a thread about punishment.

Jayop

Claw Hammer wrote: »

There is lots of research. This is not a thread about punishment.

Why did you bring it up then?

Claw Hammer

Jayop wrote: »

Why did you bring it up then?

I didn't bring it up. It was another poster.

Jayop

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Parents aren't allowed to punish their children any more.

This was the first mention of it.

How dishonest do you need to be.

eviltwin

Probably everyone I know was allowed the odd drink at home with the parents at Christmas, weddings etc. Nothing too strong and nothing excessive and not one of us has grown up to have any issues with alcohol. I've always done the same with my eldest who is now 19 and she too is fine. I don't know if my parents stance made me any more of a responsible drinker than I would have been if they had said no but it didn't do any harm. I don't think that its bad parenting unless you let it get out of control.

Claw Hammer

Jayop wrote: »

This was the first mention of it.

How dishonest do you need to be.

No it wasn't. Another poster talked about getting out the stick. How dishonest do you need to be?

Speedwell

Claw Hammer wrote: »

No it wasn't. Another poster talked about getting out the stick. How dishonest do you need to be?

The one stuck up your you-know-what. The one you're thinking of is called the "rod", per Biblical maxim. It would be really odd for someone who has clearly recommended lenience and tolerance in this thread to suddenly come across like the wrath of an angry God, eh?