Is court the better option ?

Mrsc36

Hi myself and my husband have seperated and we live together as he won't move out. We are in the process of mediation but I can't see us agreeing on much. Is court my best option it's so expensive to get a solicitor I'd rather avoid it but living together is hell and kids are involved . Is representing yourself a bad idea ? Thanks

Ken.

For a straight forward no contest divorce representing yourself is ok. If there is even a small bit of stuff to argue over your better of with a solicitor. Is there any chance you qualify for legal aid. You'd need to make an appointment in your area. Be warned though I've heard of delays from 6 months to 2 years in some areas. There are firms that do divorces cheap but I've no experience of them.

Mrsc36

It's not actually a divorce I want I just want a formal agreement and for him to move out. I heard of a guy who represents you silently he does all your paperwork etc and coaches you but doesn't go to court with you. Worried he might be a scam artist. I can't live with him for much longer the kids are in turmoil 😧

Mrsc36

Also thank you for your help

Stheno

Have you thought of mediation?

Ken.

Mrsc36 wrote: »

It's not actually a divorce I want I just want a formal agreement and for him to move out. I heard of a guy who represents you silently he does all your paperwork etc and coaches you but doesn't go to court with you. Worried he might be a scam artist. I can't live with him for much longer the kids are in turmoil 😧

If you smell a scam run. If the persons name appears in this thread, http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056353782 run faster.

May I ask what your home situation is? Renting,own,mortgage. Is he paying towards anything?. What age are the children?

It could be hard to get rid of him if he is not being abusive. Some dodgy people might suggest that you make something up to get rid of him.

Mrsc36

In the process of it now but doubtful we will agree on living arrangements at least if we go to court a judge will tell one of us to leave or sell up although selling isn't really an option with kids involved I'd rather they stayed in their home and obviously they'll be with me I need the living arrangements sorted asap

Stheno

Mrsc36 wrote: »

In the process of it now but doubtful we will agree on living arrangements at least if we go to court a judge will tell one of us to leave or sell up although selling isn't really an option with kids involved I'd rather they stayed in their home and obviously they'll be with me I need the living arrangements sorted asap

A judge wont nevcesarily tell one of you to leave. Not is it obvious the kids will be with you at all

Mrsc36

There is a mortgage we own the house kids are 15 , 9 and 4 yes people have suggested that but I would never do that.

Mrsc36

There is no reason they'd be taken from me and as he works and I don't it makes more sense what I meant was I wouldn't leave without them. Surely if the living together effects the kids negatively it wouldn't be good for us to live together? We'd actually sort this so much better if we weren't living together plus I loose all social welfare entitlements

Ken.

99% of the time the mother gets custody and allowed stay in the house till the last child is 18(23 if in full time college). You may need to consider a deed of separation(If you don't meet the 4 years for divorce) Have a read of this http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/separation_agreement.html



Sorry to keep mentioning divorce but that's probably where your headed down the line unless ye patch things up.

Mrsc36

Yeah divorce is probably inevitable thanks for your help

tmalmb

From personal experience, I would suggest you exhaust mediation first. With mediation its good to have a solicitor to review outcomes to ensure you are properly represented/covered.

The courts won't move things on faster and in fact it will bring more hostility into the separation (which will increase your costs, and futures as separated parents)

If nothing comes out of mediation...you still have the courts as the next option.

Jawgap

tmalmb wrote: »

From personal experience, I would suggest you exhaust mediation first. With mediation its good to have a solicitor to review outcomes to ensure you are properly represented/covered.

The courts won't move things on faster and in fact it will bring more hostility into the separation (which will increase your costs, and futures as separated parents)

If nothing comes out of mediation...you still have the courts as the next option.

I'd echo this.

Give the mediation a decent chance, you may be surprised what can be achieved. At the end you should have a workable agreement you can take to a solicitor to have formalised, if that is what you want. That's got to be preferable to knocking heads and enriching solicitors?

There are people who will 'administer' your divorce - they'll compile and file the paperwork etc, but, in my experience, if there is anything remotely contentious they're worse than useless - you really need a solicitor to navigate you through issues around property, maintenance, pensions etc.

Mrsc36

Yeah problem being we won't agree on the living arrangements and children are suffering in the mean time. He is thinking of himself only I have to act for my kid's and fast. Mediation is no use its just like counselling it's just him venting and nothing being sorted.

tmalmb

The courts won't move fast on this, you'll need to file for legal separation, you need to prove that you have been separate for 9 mths out of the last year to proceed with the application. Then you need to wait for a Circuit court date....which can be up to a year then you go into arguments about who should get what and why...it may get settled with one sitting...more than likely you'll need a few court sittings

Just to add, you are looking at costs between 10k - 25K depending on how this proceeds (I'm not sure if all of this is covered by legal aid, not sure if any or either of you qualify) however costs will need to be covered and they will like come out of the combined assets

doolox

With the current shortage of housing for anyone in this country is it possible at all in any way for you to live together until the housing shortage madness is sorted out.

If he moves out and is not on good money a 1 bdrm apt could cost €1000 per month for him alone on top of your existing debt for your present house. With a late teen child he is probably too old to look into house share with other singles in order to reduce costs, He might be very lucky to share with another similarly aged divorced man to cut costs but not by much. An extra bedroom puts the rent up to 1200 or 1300 pm or 600 to 700 each pm, not including bills.

I do not know your financial circumstances but I know my sister had to take over the mortgage on her family home and it was a huge financial burden on her own. There is also the consideration of child support which might be reduced if the non housed partner has to provide alternative housing for themselves. There is also the considerable risk of job loss if homelessness or crisis housing leads to instability and performance reduction or inability to perform ones job. Certain jobs in the public eye are endangered by public disclosure of marital difficulties or an accommodation crisis which might be misconstrued as money trouble in the case of a self employed businessman.
Does he entertain clients or business contacts at home? I know of people who lost their businesses when they were unable to entertain or socialise at home but this kind of stuff is become rarer in Corporate Ireland as divorce and so forth has become more common and less adversarial.

If you are the main breadwinner at home and his income does not matter then there should be little or no problem but I have known personally of men who have fallen down drastically performance wise in their work due to personal issues exacerbated by excess drink etc. and lost their jobs and made a bad situation worse.

If violence is involved then you have no choice as in my sisters case she had to obtain a barring order and the professionals were totally unequivocal in their opinion that it is imperative to separate completely in the event of violence from either side in a relationship....no good ever arises in trying to "tough it out or "ride through" the difficulties if violence or abuse is involved.