'Daddy Issues' - Relationship?

Asylum15

Just out of an incredibly mentally draining relationship, full of lies, heartbreak, incredible sex, love, pain.

- Met girl in August (She's 19, I'm 23).
- Had an incredible first date, second date, etc.
- In a relationship, whereby there was no issues for 2 months.
- Sex is absolutely incredible (15-20 orgasms per night)
- She tells me about her father being physically abusive as a child, and how her home is ruined.
- Breaks up with me for no reason 2 months into the relationship, calling it a 'panic.' Comes back apologetically and we get back.
- Breaks up again 3 weeks later after I do something really nice for her. Stupidly, I go back again. (Emotional thinking over logical.)
- Breaks up with me 4 days before Christmas (almost 2 months after the 2nd break up), because we get into an argument, after I had to come to her nicely to ask if she was ok, I could sense she was down. (She suffered depression)
- Break contact for nearly 2 months, with which she is getting therapy in parallel.
- Try again end of January until 26th February.
- 4th Break up.

Aswell as the above, a ton of things come out after the latest breakup, which she volunteers to me:

- She had feelings for my best friend only HOURS after meeting him? I suspected this (my best friend had zero interest in her), and she lied to me multiple times about this.
- One of my deepest childhood 'secrets' I told her, she told someone else after promising me she never would.
- She told me she had an 8 month relationship before she met me, and she never had sex with him (found it hard to believe). Turns out, she never even met the guy, but through an online dating app, and text each other for 8 months getting very close, but never meeting.

I guess this is what they call fatal attraction, and I know I've got some issues of my own to sort if I kept going back, but it's so damn hard to leave someone you care so much about.

Any feedback, or similar experiences welcome.

armaghlad

15-20 orgasms per night?

Asylum15

armaghlad wrote: »

15-20 orgasms per night?

I know it's hard to believe. But from past experience, trust me on that. Sex lasted over 1hr most nights.

eviltwin

You've broken up and I'd advise you to leave it there. She is obviously not ready for a relationship so you won't be doing her or yourself any good trying to make it happen. 4 breakup in just over six months should be enough of a message that this isn't go to go anywhere.

Penny Tration

Asylum15 wrote: »

I know it's hard to believe. But from past experience, trust me on that. Sex lasted over 1hr most nights.

Mate, she didn't have 15-20 orgasms from one hour of sex. Sorry, but not even porn stars are that good in bed. she lied.

This isn't about daddy issues. She's manipulative headwreck.

You're better without. Block her everywhere and move on. For future reference, one, two or zero orgasms in sex is common. 20 is a lie.

Asylum15

Penny Tration wrote: »

Mate, she didn't have 15-20 orgasms from one hour of sex. Sorry, but not even porn stars are that good in bed. she lied.

This isn't about daddy issues. She's manipulative headwreck.

You're better without. Block her everywhere and move on. For future reference, one, two or zero orgasms in sex is common. 20 is a lie.

I don't want to sound like a know it all, but the rapid constrictions I 'felt' and tightening etc, are surely impossible to fake?

Ursus Horribilis

Even if she's a walking orgasm, she is somebody to steer clear of. She's not right in the head and she's going to drag you right down with her.

I think you already could do with talking to someone yourself. It's downright depressing sometimes to read threads here from men and women who've fallen for manipulative head melters and just can't stay away.

IvoryTower

get out of there man, she has a long way to go before she'll be ready for a proper relationship

Faith

Asylum15 wrote: »

I don't want to sound like a know it all, but the rapid constrictions I 'felt' and tightening etc, are surely impossible to fake?

No, it's really not impossible to fake in the slightest. It's very easy to fake, if you're so inclined. I don't want to knock your confidence, but it's important you're aware that she could potentially have faked nearly all of her orgasms. Either you're counting wrong (which is important to realise before your next relationship) or she lied to you in the extreme. Depends on how you can to the conclusion that 15-20 were occurring during the session.

I think you've posted about this before, and I think you got the same advice then that you'll get now: walk away and totally forget about her. Just cut all ties and try to never think of her again. It was a mess from the start, and you've blown it out of all proportion yourself. There are so many women out there who will not lie and manipulate you. Focus your energies on finding a healthy relationship, not dwelling on the past mess.

fits

Faith wrote: »

Either you're counting wrong (which is important to realise before your next relationship) or she lied to you in the extreme. Depends on how you can to the conclusion that 15-20 were occurring during the session.

I .

I think its possible. I also think its not the issue here. Total headmelter. Run!

KikiDee

15-20 in a hour?? Good Christ I'd get nothing done all day!!!!

Ah look dude, it doesn't seem it now, but you're well out of that. This girl clearly has issues she needs to work on. Sometimes, you need to be alone to work on these and I think that's the best thing for her. It may not do you any harm to work on you for a little bit too.

You're far too young to be dealing with someone with issues like that. No offense to the girl - I'm sure she's lovely, but she has a tonne of stuff she needs to work on before she should even consider getting into a relationship with anyone else. Also -- 15-20 times in an hour seems excessively high and bordering on heart-attack area. You might get that in an entire day, sure. If you do nothing else but have sex.

Sound Bite

It's a mess, she's a complete mess and you need to walk away before she wrecks you head even more. There are plenty of normal women in a better space to have a relationship. She clearly has a lot of issues she needs to work on.

I'm guessing you haven't a lot of relationship experience so use this is a lesson learnt. People who dump you multiple times aren't worth your time. Everyone deserves a second chance but nobody deserves a third.

While it's not really about this, 15-20 orgasms in an hour is not really credible. Would be happy if anyone can prove me wrong ;-) & explain how but come off it, it's clearly not true!

PS - orgasms are easily faked if a girl wants to do that, including the "tightening" you speak of

batmanrobin

So you've broken up 4 times and you wanna go back for more?! Come on, you don't really want to be one of those couples in one of those relationships, do you?

Chalk the whole thing up to one hell of an experience and move on. When you allow yourself to have some proper distance, you'll wonder why you kept going back.

Asylum15

Pretty devastating first relationship to have, but thanks to everyone who's replied, I appreciate the feedback.

Ursus Horribilis

Yes, it is a devastating first relationship to have but I hope you'll learn some things from it. Short of having a personality transplant, I can't see how she'll ever be a normal girlfriend for anyone. She has done some pretty awful things to you and it'd only be matter of time before she hurt you again.

It wouldn't be a bad thing if you went for a session of therapy yourself because I'm not convinced you particularly want to stay away from her. Have you blocked her phone number yet? What about Facebook/Whatsapp/Snapchat etc? These are all steps you should be taking in order to cut the cord and keep away from her.

Augme

Asylum15 wrote: »

Just out of an incredibly mentally draining relationship, full of lies, heartbreak, incredible sex, love, pain.

- Met girl in August (She's 19, I'm 23).
- Had an incredible first date, second date, etc.
- In a relationship, whereby there was no issues for 2 months.
- Sex is absolutely incredible (15-20 orgasms per night)
- She tells me about her father being physically abusive as a child, and how her home is ruined.
- Breaks up with me for no reason 2 months into the relationship, calling it a 'panic.' Comes back apologetically and we get back.
- Breaks up again 3 weeks later after I do something really nice for her. Stupidly, I go back again. (Emotional thinking over logical.)
- Breaks up with me 4 days before Christmas (almost 2 months after the 2nd break up), because we get into an argument, after I had to come to her nicely to ask if she was ok, I could sense she was down. (She suffered depression)
- Break contact for nearly 2 months, with which she is getting therapy in parallel.
- Try again end of January until 26th February.
- 4th Break up.

Aswell as the above, a ton of things come out after the latest breakup, which she volunteers to me:

- She had feelings for my best friend only HOURS after meeting him? I suspected this (my best friend had zero interest in her), and she lied to me multiple times about this.
- One of my deepest childhood 'secrets' I told her, she told someone else after promising me she never would.
- She told me she had an 8 month relationship before she met me, and she never had sex with him (found it hard to believe). Turns out, she never even met the guy, but through an online dating app, and text each other for 8 months getting very close, but never meeting.

I guess this is what they call fatal attraction, and I know I've got some issues of my own to sort if I kept going back, but it's so damn hard to leave someone you care so much about.

Any feedback, or similar experiences welcome.

Even if you don't go back again you still have some of your own issues to sort out. Break up with her and spend your time and effort trying to fix your issues. You'll be far better off for it.

Asylum15

Odus fell down wrote: »

Yes, it is a devastating first relationship to have but I hope you'll learn some things from it. Short of having a personality transplant, I can't see how she'll ever be a normal girlfriend for anyone. She has done some pretty awful things to you and it'd only be matter of time before she hurt you again.

It wouldn't be a bad thing if you went for a session of therapy yourself because I'm not convinced you particularly want to stay away from her. Have you blocked her phone number yet? What about Facebook/Whatsapp/Snapchat etc? These are all steps you should be taking in order to cut the cord and keep away from her.

I've blocked everything. Still finding it tough at times. Weird, but keep imagining her being physical with someone else, probably stupid!

Lavinia

Been in the similar situation just the opposite and it lasted much much longer. Maybe it was the hardest thing I had to do cause I still have feelings for the guy, but it had to be done for the sake of both of us. I could not "help him" and nobody but him can. And so is with your girl.
Hope you will manage to be and stay strong.

Asylum15

Lavinia wrote: »

Been in the similar situation just the opposite and it lasted much much longer. Maybe it was the hardest thing I had to do cause I still have feelings for the guy, but it had to be done for the sake of both of us. I could not "help him" and nobody but him can. And so is with your girl.
Hope you will manage to be and stay strong.

Your boyfriend had childhood issues?

Lavinia

Asylum15 wrote: »

Your boyfriend had childhood issues?

Yea well, isn't it where it all starts for personalities like that.. I presume none of us had perfect childhood but some people got scared worse than others...
In families with more children there's usually one that takes the shortest straw...

Do not want to sound pessimistic but only if they would want to change and then work hard on it perhaps with some therapy I believe that the change would be possible.. But it has to come from themselves..

Otherwise.....

Asylum15

Lavinia wrote: »

Yea well, isn't it where it all starts for personalities like that.. I presume none of us had perfect childhood but some people got scared worse than others...
In families with more children there's usually one that takes the shortest straw...

Do not want to sound pessimistic but only if they would want to change and then work hard on it perhaps with some therapy I believe that the change would be possible.. But it has to come from themselves..

Otherwise.....

Thanks for sharing your story. I have zero intention of going back. Will look into counselling for myself.

Lavinia

Asylum15 wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your story. I have zero intention of going back. Will look into counselling for myself.

Very good decision. I wish you a fast recovery but take your time...
I did go afterwards also, took me a while...

Asylum15

What is the story with not being able to stop picturing her with the next person or guys in clubs etc now?

Ursus Horribilis

Jealousy I would think and perhaps some sort of projection of your/her issues. It's obvious that you are still crazy about her and would probably get back with her in a heartbeat if you thought there was any chance at all that she'd change her ways. I wouldn't read anything into it to be honest. Work on staying away from her and get help for your own issues.

Lavinia

Asylum15 wrote: »

What is the story with not being able to stop picturing her with the next person or guys in clubs etc now?

I think you will get over it, eventually. As you move on...

Learning to let go...

The sooner you give up of any trace of hope left of getting back together (I call it "miraculous thinking" as "a miracle of change will suddenly happen and the world will be all happy and merry in an instant" lol - if you know what I mean) the better and easier it will come.. just be realistic... e.g. what and why things did not work previously... and try not to lie to yourself...

I am sorry if this sounds hard to you now...

Asylum15

Odus fell down wrote: »

Jealousy I would think and perhaps some sort of projection of your/her issues. It's obvious that you are still crazy about her and would probably get back with her in a heartbeat if you thought there was any chance at all that she'd change her ways. I wouldn't read anything into it to be honest. Work on staying away from her and get help for your own issues.

I want to thank you for your replies in this thread. I've never been jealous by nature, but I would agree there is absolutely evidence of it here with me.

LegacyUser

Asylum15 wrote: »

Weird, but keep imagining her being physical with someone else, probably stupid!

Well also try picturing her faking it with other guys whilst you're at it, cos she's a bloody expert at that. If you really thought she was having 15-20 orgasms in an hour she was basically lying there practising her Kegels excercises on you to give you an ego boost.

Which worked.

I wonder if she's ever had a bloody real orgasm in her life if she's so quick to playact like that.

KikiDee

Asylum15 wrote: »

What is the story with not being able to stop picturing her with the next person or guys in clubs etc now?

It's all part of the moving on process. I promise you, give it more time and while you'll still picture her with other guys, you won't have that sick feeling in your stomach, or so I've been told

Asylum15

KikiDee wrote: »

It's all part of the moving on process. I promise you, give it more time and while you'll still picture her with other guys, you won't have that sick feeling in your stomach, or so I've been told

About a week or so ago, we had a fight over the phone, during which I got angry at her and called her a few names etc. Didn't cover myself in glory, but she provoked me. Last night I'm walking around a part of my city, and a man (obviously on her side) comes up, tells me, ''anymore threatening texts and you will be SHOT.'' I never threatened her and her family. What the ****?

KikiDee

Asylum15 wrote: »

About a week or so ago, we had a fight over the phone, during which I got angry at her and called her a few names etc. Didn't cover myself in glory, but she provoked me. Last night I'm walking around a part of my city, and a man (obviously on her side) comes up, tells me, ''anymore threatening texts and you will be SHOT.'' I never threatened her and her family. What the ****?

Ignore it.

I'm going to tell you to do something that right now, is going to seem impossible. Cut all contact. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship in a drama free zone.

Asylum15

KikiDee wrote: »

Ignore it.

I'm going to tell you to do something that right now, is going to seem impossible. Cut all contact. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship in a drama free zone.

I didn't even flinch, I was just standing there like... ?

I now know who the man is, where he lives, and his wife/kids? I'm not passive aggressive or stupid so I've no intention of doing anything but ignoring it, but everyone attached to this family are absolutely bonkers.

And once more, never did I ever 'threaten' anyone associated with them. Either he's making up lies, or she is.

Lavinia

Cut the contact with her is my advice. You will feel better knowing you will not getting down to "her level" or simply lowering yours in a communication. I presume you are not proud of your calling names episode, you do not need that.

Be stronger and move on.

Asylum15

I've cut all contact. Found that scare tactic amusing. Worse yet, 'threatening' text was eye opening. The lies she must be telling.

Asylum15

Apologies for double post:

Should there be any action after such a threat?

K_P

Asylum15 wrote: »

Should there be any action after such a threat?

No, absolutely not. It'll just keep her in your life for longer and longer. Unless that's what you want...

You say you found it amusing, not threatening. Leave it be, forget about her, stop trying to track down who threatened you. Move on.

blacklilly

OP sometimes talking about issues/problems etc is good and sometimes it can result in an obsession.
There is no conflicting advice in this thread, every poster is in agreement, you need to cut all contact, move on and forget about her.

You're 23yrs young but old enough not be a fool about things.

We tend to attract similar people into our lives in terms of personalities, insecurities etc. You should strongly consider counselling as although your ex seems very confused and messed up, you need to know why you were willing to give her 4 chances!

timmy880

Obviously this isn't just about the sex (although 15-20 orgasms a night is outrageous but if it happened well then kudos good sir)

In all seriousness, she has lied about some pretty serious stuff and she is just taking advantage of your emotions. Not only do the timing of the breakups seem harsh but the tone which she takes (based on what you've said) appears callous....

She is young and hopefully will regret such behaviour in the future. See it as a great lesson to learn at 23 and move on. You will be better off without her.

With regards to the threat, I don't see it as legitimate but obviously frightening. You have to cut all contact to avoid any situations like that arising again.

Floppybits

Run away.

Taking actions against the threat might make it go from threat to reality. Plus you probably would be better off just not getting on this crowd's bad side. Just shake it up to a bad experience, keep your head down, and carry on with your life.

beks101

You're addicted to this relationship and that's where the jealousy and obsessive thoughts come from.

I remember your last thread on this several months ago and the incessant detail you went into, it sounded completely intense and crazy then and it still does now. It's clear as a slap in the face that the girl has issues/can't give you what you need and the longer you prolong getting over her the worse your mental health is going to get.

You're quite young and I understand from your last thread that this is your first relationship. Unfortunately you were landed with a car crash of one, and now is your time to experience your first break-up and all the heartache and headfcuk and loneliness that comes with that.

There's nothing to do but to sit tight and ride through. Ride through the obsessing and rationalizing and justifying reasons to get in touch with her again, ride through the strange silence of not having any more drama to contend with, ride through the constant desire to pick up the phone. This is life, and it toughens you up like no man's business. It teaches you how to handle rejection and emotional breakdown the next time it comes around. It teaches you about what works and what doesn't work for you in a relationship. And it teaches you to run, fast and hard, the next time someone with such sizeable emotional problems expresses interest in you.

By all means find yourself a good counsellor if you think that would help. But unfortunately the next few weeks will probably be excruciating for you, and the bulk of the work of making it out the other side has to be done by you and you alone.

Asylum15

beks101 wrote: »

You're addicted to this relationship and that's where the jealousy and obsessive thoughts come from.

I remember your last thread on this several months ago and the incessant detail you went into, it sounded completely intense and crazy then and it still does now. It's clear as a slap in the face that the girl has issues/can't give you what you need and the longer you prolong getting over her the worse your mental health is going to get.

You're quite young and I understand from your last thread that this is your first relationship. Unfortunately you were landed with a car crash of one, and now is your time to experience your first break-up and all the heartache and headfcuk and loneliness that comes with that.

There's nothing to do but to sit tight and ride through. Ride through the obsessing and rationalizing and justifying reasons to get in touch with her again, ride through the strange silence of not having any more drama to contend with, ride through the constant desire to pick up the phone. This is life, and it toughens you up like no man's business. It teaches you how to handle rejection and emotional breakdown the next time it comes around. It teaches you about what works and what doesn't work for you in a relationship. And it teaches you to run, fast and hard, the next time someone with such sizeable emotional problems expresses interest in you.

By all means find yourself a good counsellor if you think that would help. But unfortunately the next few weeks will probably be excruciating for you, and the bulk of the work of making it out the other side has to be done by you and you alone.

Thanks for this. Due to get some counselling soon. She rang (mobile method) last night and we talked, and she told me she's developed this new 'stress' thing with her hands where she rubs them and it causes rashes etc. She said she is sorry about the threat, she didn't know about it (ok?) and that she wants no more contact. Funnily, she finished off by saying, maybe in 6 months we can talk again?

Thoughts on keeping a diary to record feelings rather than texting her?

njs030

Asylum15 wrote: »

Thanks for this. Due to get some counselling soon. She rang (mobile method) last night and we talked, and she told me she's developed this new 'stress' thing with her hands where she rubs them and it causes rashes etc. She said she is sorry about the threat, she didn't know about it (ok?) and that she wants no more contact. Funnily, she finished off by saying, maybe in 6 months we can talk again?

Thoughts on keeping a diary to record feelings rather than texting her?

A diary is a really good idea. Stop contacting her and block her so she cant contact you. In 6 months if you want to talk to her you can unblock her- but I'm 100% sure you won't!!

Ursus Horribilis

Eh??? I thought you had said you had blocked her? Please tell me she rang on a new number, not her own one...

I didn't know you had posted about this before until beks mentioned it. My eyes were out on stalks by the time I finished reading your original thread. Yet you went back for even more. Holy sweet jeebus. I think it's you who needs therapy at the end of this all. Badly.

To say this is daddy issues is life saying a tsunami is a gentle wave breaking onto a beach. Your ex is nothing but trouble and the sort of person who will quite likely destroy you. She has done more damage in a few short months than most people manage in a lifetime. She's a deeply damaged individual who may never become the person you wish she was. It's not your job to fix her. Nor should you waste your life away, hoping against hope that she'll become normal.

So for heaven's sake, again I'm going to tell you to CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HER. No calls, no texts, no snap chats, no emails, no Facebook, no tweets, no WhatsApp, no Viber. Am I missing anything else here?

I think talking again in 6 months time is a terrible idea. It is leaving you on the hook and stopping you from accepting that it is over. It's a sticking plaster over the gaping wound that is this car crash of a relationship. So in short, block her and go get therapy urgently

Asylum15

Odus fell down wrote: »

Eh??? I thought you had said you had blocked her? Please tell me she rang on a new number, not her own one...

I didn't know you had posted about this before until beks mentioned it. My eyes were out on stalks by the time I finished reading your original thread. Yet you went back for even more. Holy sweet jeebus. I think it's you who needs therapy at the end of this all. Badly.

To say this is daddy issues is life saying a tsunami is a gentle wave breaking onto a beach. Your ex is nothing but trouble and the sort of person who will quite likely destroy you. She has done more damage in a few short months than most people manage in a lifetime. She's a deeply damaged individual who may never become the person you wish she was. It's not your job to fix her. Nor should you waste your life away, hoping against hope that she'll become normal.

So for heaven's sake, again I'm going to tell you to CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HER. No calls, no texts, no snap chats, no emails, no Facebook, no tweets, no WhatsApp, no Viber. Am I missing anything else here?

I think talking again in 6 months time is a terrible idea. It is leaving you on the hook and stopping you from accepting that it is over. It's a sticking plaster over the gaping wound that is this car crash of a relationship. So in short, block her and go get therapy urgently

I went back for more because she had committed to doing some things such as:

- Therapy
- Quitting alcohol
- New diet/exercise regime.
- Communicating her feelings better.

Stupid of me, yes, and as you said, shows my own issues.

Ursus Horribilis

So is she blocked now? Beks hit the nail on the head when she said this is an addiction.

Asylum15

Odus fell down wrote: »

So is she blocked now? Beks hit the nail on the head when she said this is an addiction.

She called me on an old phone I keep charged because it has numbers of people I haven't transferred yet. Call came up as private num. Should have hung up?

Ursus Horribilis

What's done is done. What's far more important is what you do in the future. Should she manage to contact you again, tell her that is for the best that you two don't stay in touch. What's more worrisome from your point of view is this 6 months thing.

LegacyUser

Asylum15 wrote: »

Something I don't understand is this. I've had girls reject me before, I've dated girls for a few weeks, then had THEM say we don't go further, and vice versa, and besides a day or so of sadness, it's not bothered me. Does this show the underlying emotional power of a girl with such issues to keep me coming back? I'm from a very close family, my life is bang in check on ALL fronts.

I can see you're still pretty wrapped into this girl, and you know what, that's ok. I guarantee you if you don't contact this girl ever again it will get easier and easier and eventually you'll look back and be glad, genuinely glad, you did it.

The big thing that strikes me from all this is that you are looking for an answer that doesn't exist, that could never exist. Even if you could give this girl truth serum she couldn't honestly tell you why she did what she did, and that's true for all of us. We're all subject to unconscious drives that we have no knowledge of and we are subject to unconscious biases that blind us to things others can see quite obviously.

Every time you want to ask her a question just remember she will answer what seems like the truth (maybe) at that point in time, it doesn't mean it was the truth when the action originally occurred. She has no more access to her unconscious drives than you do. Only a considerable length of time spent in deep contemplation of our inner selves could give any of us glimpses into the behavioural drives behind our actions (imo). She doesn't sound like she's really capable of that sort of introspection. The older I get the more I realise how many of my actions are determined by events left buried in my sub-conscious from years ago.

This will sound harsh, but life is too short to be the person who holds her hand while she gets "better" (a relative term at best). It might be that temperamentally ye are both too unsuited for each other and that ye bring out the worst in each other, who knows. Life is hard enough without having a nightmare relationship making it worse. You seem to have that classic male complex of wanting to "save" someone from themselves. It's a terrible trait, imo, and I know because I suffered from it (and for it) myself.

Let her go, live well yourself and in time you will be glad you chose to move on when you did. I wouldn't worry too much about why you are attracted to her, the world is full of great women you will be attracted to. Just remember there are no answers so don't look for them.

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

Dial Hard

Seriously, dude, you are so invested in this train-crash of a woman that you're now trying to medicalise her behaviour in order to excuse it.

I honestly don't think anything anyone here can say will make any difference to you. You're doing the online equivalent of smiling and nodding while all the advice goes in one ear and out the other because as far as you're concerned, you know better. No-one here *understands* her like you do.

Hopefully your counsellor has better success with you than the posters on here have, but I suspect we'll see another thread about you and this girl before long.

Asylum15

Dial Hard wrote: »

Seriously, dude, you are so invested in this train-crash of a woman that you're now trying to medicalise her behaviour in order to excuse it.

I honestly don't think anything anyone here can say will make any difference to you. You're doing the online equivalent of smiling and nodding while all the advice goes in one ear and out the other because as far as you're concerned, you know better. No-one here *understands* her like you do.

Hopefully your counsellor has better success with you than the posters on here have, but I suspect we'll see another thread about you and this girl before long.

I have zero intention of 'excusing' her behaviour, or getting back with this girl. I'm merely trying to make sense, which I know is not always possible.