Bridesmaids and makeup

Keane2baMused

So I have a bridesmaid (mid thirties) who has an eclectic taste in makeup.

When I say eclectic it's extremely heavy and cakey foundation. So much so that you can see cracks in it and it nearly slides down her face.

I offered (as you would) to get all their makeup and hair done. Bridesmaid said she wants to do her own but I showed her the pics of the MUA and said she's amazing and can cover her imperfections (she is obsessive about her skin).

She agreed but when I went to tell her about booking it she kinda went on a rant and slated pretty much all MUA's and that they can't work with her skin (she has only ever gotten it done once by a MAC artist) So I said do you want to just do your own? Her reply was oh that's great thanks I will!

Do you think it's best to just leave it at that? I feel sorry for her because she almost always has a GHOST white face because she uses the lightest colour foundation you can get, which looks strange with a tan as you can guess, the two don't blend! Red lipstick on her teeth..the works.

I really don't want to hurt her by explaining about her makeup. She's a sensitive girl and I know it would go down like a tonne of bricks.

Just to say this is not in any way about me wanting my bridesmaids to look a certain way. They are picking their own dresses and shoes etc so I'm pretty chilled out about it all.

She is a pretty girl and really does not need to be rolled in makeup at all!

Keane2baMused

Mods, meant this for the wedding forum

intheclouds

Leave it.

Whatever your personal opinions about her appearance, its how she wants to look so leave her at it.

Keane2baMused

The thing is she really is a pretty girl. It's a confidence thing too with her I believe. She keeps applying more and more makeup throughout the night and she feels it 'covers her up'.

I honestly can't see the imperfections she does so I doubt anyone else can.

I am of the mind frame to leave well enough alone which is why I told her to do her own if she prefers. I just hate the thought of her getting funny looks because it's not something that would go unnoticed by others (strong tan lines etc)

I guess if she feels better that way then there's not much to do!

Addle

Can you bring her with you for a trial?

Milly33

Oh that is a tough one..... I would be thinking that it is whatever you want really. I know if I was a bridesmaid I would do anything the bride (within reason) wanted..

Even with Makeup I done my own for the wedding but offered to get the ladies done if they wanted to...Which reminds me one of them did go and get theres done and their hair but they paid for this themselves..

Maybe you could like do a bit of sweet talking to her.. Have you arranged for a trial day. You could ask maybe if the MUA would call to your house. Have a girly day either with the other bridesmaids or with you and her, and say right just try it and see how you feel.. And emphise (sorry cant spell) that you just don't want her to feel left out on the day when everyone else is getting theirs done.

Makeup can be pretty scary for people, especially with pale skin as you afraid it will be too dark, but then if she is wearing a lot this would not be a worry

Keane2baMused

Addle wrote: »

Can you bring her with you for a trial?

This is what I'm thinking a trial would be a good idea!

Keane2baMused

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh that is a tough one..... I would be thinking that it is whatever you want really. I know if I was a bridesmaid I would do anything the bride (within reason) wanted..

Even with Makeup I done my own for the wedding but offered to get the ladies done if they wanted to...Which reminds me one of them did go and get theres done and their hair but they paid for this themselves..

Maybe you could like do a bit of sweet talking to her.. Have you arranged for a trial day. You could ask maybe if the MUA would call to your house. Have a girly day either with the other bridesmaids or with you and her, and say right just try it and see how you feel.. And emphise (sorry cant spell) that you just don't want her to feel left out on the day when everyone else is getting theirs done.

Makeup can be pretty scary for people, especially with pale skin as you afraid it will be too dark, but then if she is wearing a lot this would not be a worry

That's just it I personally would be the exact same. If a bride wanted me to have orange lips and a green and purple polka dot dress I would roll with it. I would probably feel like a complete freak show inside lol, but i'd do it to make her happy

She has very pale skin, as do I. But she just doesn't seem to realise you have to adjust your foundation if you are wearing fake tan too. Also she would reapply and reapply more and more foundation throughout the day so she gets an awful lot of build up and cakeyness and shine!

I think I will suggest a trial and see what she says. I'm by no means a pushy bride and definitely not a bridezilla.

Her words were that makeup artists don't put enough makeup on so I think she is of the 'more is more mindset' which is a hard habit to break!

She's such a pretty girl so I think its a shame to cover it all up with a load of crap lol!

fits

I can understand your frustration. My bridesmaid didnt wear any makeup at all and I know that would concern some people as well. She offered to wear it if I wanted her to though, but she hasnt put make up on in years. None of us wore tan either.

Definitely bring her to a trial.

ChampagnePop

I'm going to have a similar problem with my sister, she is pretty stubborn (as am I).

I think a trial is the most reasonable compromise, maybe even let the makeup artist use the bridesmaids foundation?

eviltwin

I'm curious why it matters, that's not a smart answer btw, I wouldn't have thought everyone needed the same make-up.

ChampagnePop

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm curious why it matters, that's not a smart answer btw, I wouldn't have thought everyone needed the same make-up.

When I was a bridesmaid I let them style my hair and makeup how the bride wanted. I didn't mind that I didn't look my best because I think that the bridal party looks much smarter when they co-ordinate.

Keane2baMused

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm curious why it matters, that's not a smart answer btw, I wouldn't have thought everyone needed the same make-up.

No everyone doesn't need the same makeup at all. It's the fact her makeup tbh looks really awful. She would be so much better with no Makeup at all even.

Cakes on in piles and lipstick which ends up all over her teeth. It's not about me it's about not wanting her to be the butt of anyone's jokes, people have commented before about her makeup

eviltwin

Keane2baMused wrote: »

No everyone doesn't need the same makeup at all. It's the fact her makeup tbh looks really awful. She would be so much better with no Makeup at all even.

Cakes on in piles and lipstick which ends up all over her teeth. It's not about me it's about not wanting her to be the butt of anyone's jokes, people have commented before about her makeup

It's a tough one, you don't want to hurt her feelings especially if she's insecure anyway. I suppose it depends on how bad she is, will she stand out in a bad way. Will the photos look bad. If yes I'd try and get her to see how she feels after a trial but do it for everyone, don't single her out. If you can live with it I'd let it go and let her go with what makes her happy.

Could you have a trial make up "party" and get all brides maids, Mothers of Bride and Groom together and have a fun night with wine and nibbles?

Pistachios & cream

It's a tough one and I get that you don't want to be a brides ills and insist she get her makeup done with you.

But how about you say something along the lines of how you would like all your bridesmaids to get their hair and mskeup done together as its a lovely time to be with your closest friends. You understand her feelings about mskeup artists but could she come for a trial and if after that she doesn't like it she can change it or do it herself.

Keane2baMused

Well put it this way. In photos her face is ghostly white and body fake tanned so she sticks out like a sore thumb in pics!

Only thing is though I guess for photos the photographer could correct colours if needs be. I know if she doesn't look well in the pics she will feel even worse about herself which I don't want.

She actually said to me there she would do a trial and see how she goes so thats good I definitely don't want to force it if she doesn't want to, she would just feel crap for the day!

ChampagnePop

The makeup artist will have makeup for flash photographery, use that as an argument to strengthen the need for everyone to have their makeup done. It seems pretty reasonable IMO if you put it like that

happywithlife

Get the trial done and take photos - I always think you need photos to properly appreciate make up etc - it is different to just looking at it in a mirror

happywithlife

happywithlife wrote: »

Get the trial done and take photos - I always think you need photos to properly appreciate make up etc - it is different to just looking at it in a mirror

Makeup can also look very different indoors and outdoors.

rougegal

In addition to the suggestions above, I'd suggest speaking with your MUA and get their advice - she/he might have experienced this before and could help.

Neyite

Many common brands of foundation react badly with the flash of the photos as far as I know- I think its the ones with the SPF. So she will need a certain foundation if you are using a professional photographer I think. Maybe that's a gentler way to approach it?

And if its the MUA's own brand, or one she blends, your BM cant top it up during the day...

Keane2baMused

Neyite wrote: »

Many common brands of foundation react badly with the flash of the photos as far as I know- I think its the ones with the SPF. So she will need a certain foundation if you are using a professional photographer I think. Maybe that's a gentler way to approach it?

And if its the MUA's own brand, or one she blends, your BM cant top it up during the day...

That's just the thing. She will put her own foundation over it later in the day lol :-O

Neyite

Keane2baMused wrote: »

That's just the thing. She will put her own foundation over it later in the day lol :-O

Probably, but by then, the photos will be done and people will be letting down their hair after the meal and whatnot - and you wont care by that stage. Everyone else will be dancing in their bare feet or with ties around their heads, shirt tails out so her make-up touchups will barely be noticed.

Keane2baMused

Neyite wrote: »

Probably, but by then, the photos will be done and people will be letting down their hair after the meal and whatnot - and you wont care by that stage. Everyone else will be dancing in their bare feet or with ties around their heads, shirt tails out so her make-up touchups will barely be noticed.

Very true!

I feel really sorry for her she's so self conscious and she doesnt need to be. Although tbh I hate the camera myself and am half dreading pics!

GalwayGirl26

You could ask the MUA to be the bad guy? She could gently point out where your friend is going wrong, and how it won't come out well in the photos. Or just say you want all the bridesmaids looking the same, and that's that.

I mean, really if you're that close of friends you should just be honest- it'd help her in the long run, nobody likes others laughing at them behind their backs. I'm awful with make-up, so I prefer it when friends point out that my foundation is too dark/streaky, or my eyes are smudged!

Gatica

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but from your OP it really sounds like your bridesmaid is self-conscious to the point of being OCD about covering up her face. This could very well be a psychological issue she's struggling with and you're not going to be able to change her in a few days over a wedding. She may very well just feel so bad and self-conscious about the make-up someone else may have very beautifully put on her, that she'll go and "correct" it herself and slap on some extra. Not much you can do about that and probably not something you'll be easily able to openly tell her about.
Glad she agreed to the make-up trial though and really hope the make-up trial goes well. However, if she does still decide to do her own, not much you can do other than be supportive. She's probably not trying to ruin your photos or make herself look awful for the day, but she'll revert to her shell and covering herself up, especially since she'll be more in the limelight as a BM than a regular guest. Just my 2c...

Milly33

Oh it really sounds tough.... Great news that she will do the trial also..

Another thing maybe to avoid this putting her own makeup on over it, you could like get the trail done early in the day and lets say have a little get together and say that ye are testing to see how long the makeup lasts without reapply anything.... Might give her a little more confidence in it..

I feel for ye both I can see where she is coming from, but also where you are coming from... You are only looking out for her..Perhaps this will be the confidence boost she needs... The MUA using her own makeup is great, if you were looking for any nice but good coverage makeup the Gosh everyday wear one is very good...recently picked up the powder by them too and must say it is very good to take away the shine and lasts

Keane2baMused

Gatica wrote: »

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but from your OP it really sounds like your bridesmaid is self-conscious to the point of being OCD about covering up her face. This could very well be a psychological issue she's struggling with and you're not going to be able to change her in a few days over a wedding. She may very well just feel so bad and self-conscious about the make-up someone else may have very beautifully put on her, that she'll go and "correct" it herself and slap on some extra. Not much you can do about that and probably not something you'll be easily able to openly tell her about.
Glad she agreed to the make-up trial though and really hope the make-up trial goes well. However, if she does still decide to do her own, not much you can do other than be supportive. She's probably not trying to ruin your photos or make herself look awful for the day, but she'll revert to her shell and covering herself up, especially since she'll be more in the limelight as a BM than a regular guest. Just my 2c...

Yep I completely agree.

Her skin for the most part looks perfect! I myself have problem skin with rosacea and my forhead is extremely dry.

The thing is I really don't care about the pics in that sense. For myself it's not a worry, it's about her and not wanting her to feel crap when she looks back on photos. She said she never gets in photos which led me to think she won't get in any on the day but again if she doesn't want to I won't force it.

It's like anyone with a particular insecurity though. If you believe something so strongly it's very difficult to get out of that mindset. I know myself I have been there in the past!

Keane2baMused

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh it really sounds tough.... Great news that she will do the trial also..

Another thing maybe to avoid this putting her own makeup on over it, you could like get the trail done early in the day and lets say have a little get together and say that ye are testing to see how long the makeup lasts without reapply anything.... Might give her a little more confidence in it..

I feel for ye both I can see where she is coming from, but also where you are coming from... You are only looking out for her..Perhaps this will be the confidence boost she needs... The MUA using her own makeup is great, if you were looking for any nice but good coverage makeup the Gosh everyday wear one is very good...recently picked up the powder by them too and must say it is very good to take away the shine and lasts

Yep I really just want her to feel happy and comfortable. I know though with her being under photography lighting that if her makeup isn't right she is going to look back on photos and feel awful so I really don't want that for her.

Oh good tip thanks

Im a bit confused with the MUA's though as you seem to have to blind book and then do a trial. Which to me seems counter productive as what if you don't like how they do makeup lol?? :-o

Milly33

Yeah I was a bit lost with the MUA too... Took me ages to figure our what MUA meant!!

I think maybe if you cut out a few pics of makeup you like on people this might help or looks you like...

They are very scary though, I went to one lady who was lovely now really nice and it felt great getting the makeup put on like having a facial, it didn't feel caked at all. Then when I looked at it after I was like WTF have you done.. I looked dirty in my eyes and I had eyeliner done that reminds me of being a kid going to the discos...

Very very dirty is all I could think of, another one done the airbrush makeup and it was better but it didn't feel like it would stay and it showed up all those pores, massive crater like ones..Sure id scare the bajaysus out of him at the alter

Keane2baMused

Oh holy mother of @$&*#

I think I'll stay away from airbrushing now haha!

I have found a girl based in Galway who is extremely popular and has excellent testemonials but one of my bridesmaids wasn't sure when she looked at her Facebook. I think she felt her looks weren't 'dramatic' enough. I'm in two minds now what to do as I believe she will be the best for the job on the day. I think I spend too long trying to make sure other people are happy!

fits

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Oh holy mother of @$&*#

I think I'll stay away from airbrushing now haha!

I have found a girl based in Galway who is extremely popular and has excellent testemonials but one of my bridesmaids wasn't sure when she looked at her Facebook. I think she felt her looks weren't 'dramatic' enough. I'm in two minds now what to do as I believe she will be the best for the job on the day. I think I spend too long trying to make sure other people are happy!

Who is the girl in galway? If its siobhan mcdonnell i can vouch for her being excellent. And she can definitely adapt to what you want.

Milly33

OP you are the important one here, don't worry about anyone else..It is you and him that is it. So if you aren't comfortable with the MUA don't use her get someone who you like and let the others follow..

Defo go for all the trails and start them earlier rather than later.. I thought it would be easier to find one, and started maybe 8 months before the wedding..With all the " sorry we aren't free" responses and then trying to arrange days that suit to go for the trials it took a while and felt kinds rushed.. So give yourself plenty of time and trials

Shybride2016

Hiya,

Delighted she's agreed to a trial. Having been bridesmaid a few months ago and got my makeup done professionally much different to what I would've thought it would be, I would definitely agree with the others who recommended to get a trial done for herself. The MUA is a professional who'll know what products to use on each different face and skin type and it'll hold for the whole day so no worries there.

It does sound like she's extremely self-conscious but she might be more comfortable after the trial so she can see what it'll be like and say what she does or doesn't like about it before the big day.

I wear light makeup myself most days and would wear it slightly darker at night time if gong out but having seen myself in the wedding pics recently I would never attempt to do it myself for a big occasion, especially if I was wearing tan. Professional is best IMO, you just have to find someone you're comfortable with and who knows what's best for you and your bridesmaid as individuals.

Keane2baMused

fits wrote: »

Who is the girl in galway? If its siobhan mcdonnell i can vouch for her being excellent. And she can definitely adapt to what you want.

It's Malvina Barrett do you know her? I have also being looking at makeupmatters.ie and Siobhan O'Halloran. Cool ill look Siobhan up too

I really can't decide

rougegal

Milly33 wrote: »

another one done the airbrush makeup and it was better but it didn't feel like it would stay and it showed up all those pores, massive crater like ones..Sure id scare the bajaysus out of him at the alter

I found that when I had airbrush makeup done it settled into the fine lines on my forehead and it did not have the staying power that was promised. I saw it applied by the same MUA to someone with younger skin (early twenties) and it looked stunning on her. I'm glad I tried it, but sadly it just doesn't suit my skin type.

Keane2baMused

Milly33 you're right on the money. It's pretty confusing this wedding business between venues and music and then add makeup into the mix lol! Youre right though I should just go with what I feel is best and hopefully my bmaids will be happy too. Im such a people pleaser but to my detriment at times!

Shybride thanks for this I wholely agree with you Im thinking she will see the light after a trial. Its terrible feeling so self conscious so I can truly empathise with her. I myself have to get over my camera shyness, it's something I'm dreading a little and we have a fab photographer!

rougegal

Keane2baMused wrote: »

It's Malvina Barrett do you know her? I have also being looking at makeupmatters.ie and Siobhan O'Halloran. Cool ill look Siobhan up too

I really can't decide

I've seen Malvina's work and she's good, has lots of experience, likewise with Siobhan McDonnell - you won't go far wrong with either of those. I'm not familiar with the others you mentioned so can't comment on them.
A good makeup artist will be versatile enough to adapt to what you want and if you like they will also be able to advise you on skincare in the run up to your big day.

Keane2baMused

rougegal wrote: »

I've seen Malvina's work and she's good, has lots of experience, likewise with Siobhan McDonnell - you won't go far wrong with either of those. I'm not familiar with the others you mentioned so can't comment on them.
A good makeup artist will be versatile enough to adapt to what you want and if you like they will also be able to advise you on skincare in the run up to your big day.

Thanks a million rouge that's really helpful

screamer

I've seen photos of someone who had fake tan and a white face on a wedding day and they came out looking awful. Just this big white face shining out. If everyone else has the same make up and tan she will stick out like a sore thumb. If you're ok with that fine. If not say it to her.

rougegal

screamer wrote: »

I've seen photos of someone who had fake tan and a white face on a wedding day and they came out looking awful. Just this big white face shining out. If everyone else has the same make up and tan she will stick out like a sore thumb. If you're ok with that fine. If not say it to her.

That's just the worst! It can happen easily enough if there's flashback from the sunscreen in the makeup (or underneath the makeup). To the naked eye, the makeup will look like it matches the tan but under flash photography the face appears white. An experienced MUA using the right products will ensure that the face matches the tan and that there's no flashback from the products used.

fits

The solution there is not to wear tan

I really hate tanned bride, pale groom syndrome as well. It looks shocking at times.

Keane2baMused

Just to update..

She said she won't wear any eyeshadow at all that she doesn't "do it". Just mascara and eyeliner.

*backs away slowly*

meeeeh

I don't know OP you knew what she is like when you picked to be bm. And I am sure she saw herself on photos and however misguided it is, she must like it herself. I think there are certain things bridesmaids should adopt but if someone isn't comfortable with eye shadow I really wouldn't push it.

Keane2baMused

meeeeh wrote: »

I don't know OP you knew what she is like when you picked to be bm. And I am sure she saw herself on photos and however misguided it is, she must like it herself. I think there are certain things bridesmaids will adopt but if someone isn't comfortable with eye shadow I really wouldn't push it.

I had absolutely no idea she would be like this. In general she is pretty easy going so it's a surprise to me.

I've no intention of pushing it at all.

It's more I'm shocked with the stream of..I guess negativity. She won't wear certain types of shoes either and wants a particular type which means the other bridesmaids will prob have to go with her pick (they are choosing together)

She wants her hair in an extremely specific way too.

I think I'm just a bit shocked. I would wear black lipstick and roll in glitter if a bride asked me

meeeeh

Keane2baMused wrote: »

I had absolutely no idea she would be like this. In general she is pretty easy going so it's a surprise to me.

I've no intention of pushing it at all.

It's more I'm shocked with the stream of..I guess negativity. She won't wear certain types of shoes either and wants a particular type which means the other bridesmaids will prob have to go with her pick (they are choosing together)

She wants her hair in an extremely specific way too.

I think I'm just a bit shocked. I would wear black lipstick and roll in glitter if a bride asked me

I wouldn't go as far as black lipstick and glitter but, Christ, she is a diva.

Keane2baMused

meeeeh wrote: »

I wouldn't go as far as black lipstick and glitter but, Christ, she is a diva.

Maybe that's an idea. Say I'm having a very gothic wedding and she will just have to wear dark grey eyeshadow, biker boots and black lippy.

Come the day she might be glad then with a pale taupe eyeshadow and little heels LOL

Shybride2016

Keane2baMused wrote: »

I had absolutely no idea she would be like this. In general she is pretty easy going so it's a surprise to me.

I've no intention of pushing it at all.

It's more I'm shocked with the stream of..I guess negativity. She won't wear certain types of shoes either and wants a particular type which means the other bridesmaids will prob have to go with her pick (they are choosing together)

She wants her hair in an extremely specific way too.

I think I'm just a bit shocked. I would wear black lipstick and roll in glitter if a bride asked me

Reading this post OP honestly she sounds like hard work and she really shouldn't be that way with you IMO.

When I was bridesmaid I didn't get to pick the dress or the shoes, the bride had three of us to dress and one of the others was so awkward and negative she just went out and got our outfits and told us we had to wear them.

I understand you don't want to fall out with her but really she should be going along with what you want to a certain extent. Could you politely mention to fhe MUA prior to your trial about the bridesmaid not being happy with certain makeup so that she knows in advance and can maybe direct her towards a look and coverage you're both happy with?

Keane2baMused

That's what I thought also. I'm not in any way a bridezilla but I kinda foolishly figured my bridesmaids would be pretty happy to go with my picks (within reason obv!). And I'm consulting them on everything, asking their opinions and really taking them into consideration.

My other two are brilliant and nearly tool agreeable lol!

But I feel like I'm meeting with a brick wall.

Not to mention I had said I was doing a half up/ half down style with beach waves and she said today she wants the same? with the addition of flowers!

I think that's what I will do good thinking. I will give the MUA a buzz before the trial and explain the situation and hopefully she can show her that you can use extremely neutral shadows and makeup that looks beautiful!

Shybride2016

Keane2baMused wrote: »

That's what I thought also. I'm not in any way a bridezilla but I kinda foolishly figured my bridesmaids would be pretty happy to go with my picks (within reason obv!). And I'm consulting them on everything, asking their opinions and really taking them into consideration.

But I feel like I'm meeting with a brick wall.

Not to mention I had said I was doing a half up/ half down style with beach waves and she said today she wants the same? with the addition of flowers!

I think that's what I will do good thinking. I will give the MUA a buzz before the trial and explain the situation and hopefully she can show her that you can use extremely neutral shadows and makeup that looks beautiful!

Exactly! To paraphrase my MUA, she'll still look like herself just the best version of herself. Honestly just as a heads up you'll probably have to pay for the trial but I think it would be worth it to put your mind at ease for the big day. I had my own trial a few weeks ago and it was great because I could say straight up what I liked and what I didn't like and also kept it on all day to see how it lasted throughout.

I'd ignore what she said about the hair for now as you'll have yourself in knots over her. Again, hairdressers are pros, have seen and heard all bride/bridesmaid issues and can and will navigate through tensions so that everyone is happy. Have you got your dress/bridesmaid dresses yet?