Relationships

Jim Bob Scratcher

Is it just me but has anyone else noticed those who are in long term relationships or married look stressed out half the time and older than they actually look. Got me thinking are relationships really worth it. Mate of mine got married 2 years ago and I'd swear he looks about late 30's and he's only 28. He looked his age before he met his GF. I'm just shocked at how much he has aged in such a short space of time.

Filmer Paradise

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Is it just me but has anyone else noticed those who are in long term relationships or married look stressed out half the time and older than they actually look. Got me thinking are relationships really worth it. Mate of mine got married 2 years ago and I'd swear he looks about late 30's and he's only 28. He looked his age before he met his GF. I'm just shocked at how much he has aged in such a short space of time.

Your mate has diff priorities now.

Live with it.

kneemos

That's the veneer of respectability.

VandC

Maybe your friend just ages badly.

Jim Bob Scratcher

VandC wrote: »

Maybe your friend just ages badly.

No, don't think so, he looked good before he met he wife.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I hear ya OP. Some people just put years on you

R.D. aka MR.D

Do you mean that he has started to age physically or he has started to wear different clothes?

My brother started to 'age' but it was really just when he was 'dressed up' and it was because of the outfits his girlfriend was choosing. After 3 kids, now he's really starting to look 'old' physically.

Or maybe he got glasses? My husband got glasses and he looks 5-10 years older with them on (don't tell him I said that.....:D )

VandC

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote:

No, don't think so, he looked good before he met he wife.

How do you know he wouldn't look the same now even if he was single?

Jim Bob Scratcher

VandC wrote: »

How do you know he wouldn't look the same now even if he was single?

The rest of us single blokes still look the same. It's not only just my my mate who has aged rapidly but others I know who have aged before their time too, it's put me right off every getting married.

VandC

Sounds like they've bad genes tbh. Once they don't reproduce and pass those on eventually the world will be a better and more beautiful place.

Jim Bob Scratcher

VandC wrote: »

Sounds like they've bad genes tbh. Once they don't reproduce and pass those on eventually the world will be a better and more beautiful place.

Their genes were fine before they got married though. That's why I'm asking the question does long term relationships and marriage make you age faster ?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Sp now we've established wedding cake does not contain any anti aging properties. Needs more vitamin A and E

Jim Bob Scratcher

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Sp now we've established wedding cake does not contain any anti aging properties. Needs more vitamin A and E

Ye ladies need to stop being so demanding on yer men

Edward Hopper

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Their genes were fine before they got married though. That's why I'm asking the question does long term relationships and marriage make you age faster ?

No. It doesn't age you faster. Getting older definitely ages you though, by a year each year.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Ye ladies need to stop being so demanding on yer men

But see, if men actually did what they were asked the first time, there'd be no need to demand any more than just one time. This being stressed out and being withered is a two way street!

Stigura

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

it's put me right off every getting married.

And there we have it. Don't ever get married. Jim Bob.

Become the next Cliff Richard.

VandC

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote:

Their genes were fine before they got married though. That's why I'm asking the question does long term relationships and marriage make you age faster ?

You don't know for a fact that he wouldn't look the same now if he was single. Unless he has an identical twin who done absolutely everything in life exactly the same. How young you and your mates look is irrelevant, you will all age differently.

lawlolawl

I look at all my friends who are in relationships and I look back at my past relationships and I genuinely wonder why anyone would bother. The downsides are simply not worth it just to get your hole regularly.

The whole "support" side of it means nothing to me because I don't need someone else there to help me deal with life as I am a grown adult.

Constant arguing and compromise? Nah, you're grand. I will in my **** make myself miserable by having to put up with some womans bull**** just to get up on her occasionally.

whiskeyman

lawlolawl wrote: »

The downsides are simply not worth it just to get your hole regularly

Yep, that's the only reason and benefit of relationships...

If you think so, maybe that's why you're single

ibarelycare

If people think relationships are all doom and gloom, and that the bad outweighs the good, then they're in terrible relationships and clearly with the wrong person. Most of my friends who are in relationships seem very happy (as am I). Why stay with someone who makes you unhappy?

For me, I think the thing that seems to age people is having children. And couples who have children always seem more miserable and seem to bicker with each other more. Childless couples seem a lot happier. No children for me thanks.

Cupcake_Crisis

lawlolawl wrote: »

I look at all my friends who are in relationships and I look back at my past relationships and I genuinely wonder why anyone would bother. The downsides are simply not worth it just to get your hole regularly.

The whole "support" side of it means nothing to me because I don't need someone else there to help me deal with life as I am a grown adult.

Constant arguing and compromise? Nah, you're grand. I will in my **** make myself miserable by having to put up with some womans bull**** just to get up on her occasionally.

You've clearly been in relationships with the wrong people my friend.

Badly Drunk Boy

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

The rest of us single blokes still look the same. It's not only just my my mate who has aged rapidly but others I know who have aged before their time too, it's put me right off every getting married.

Because he's married, you probably don't see him as much, which means any signs of aging seem to come quickly the few times you do see him, while the aging process isn't noticed as much on the friends you see regularly.

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

No, don't think so, he looked good before he met he wife.

So is it just that you don't find him attractive anymore because he has a wife, the opposite to the way some males look more attractive to females when they are already with a female than they did beforehand? :pac:

Penny Tration

Sounds like some of you have been in awful relationships.


Most people I know, myself included, are happy in their long term relationships. They're not all doom, gloom, compromise, arguments and dead bedrooms. They're fun, with adult communication, desire to be around each other, while happily giving each other space to see friends or do their own thing.

A good relationship will make you feel happier, that's it.

Stheno

Is there not research that says married men are happier than single men?

wurzlitzer

Married men live longer on average than single men

Whereas married women on average live shorter lives than single women

That's interesting wonder why ;D

Speedwell

Oh, I'm not worried about the OP. When he finds someone and settles down with them, he will then be in a position to understand what really forging a permanent relationship is like. Hint: The relationship itself, the intimacy of it, is not really the hard part, though it too takes work and dedication. Trying to rub along with a person who is different from you (vive la difference) and take care of the serious business of home and family and aging with them... that's the difficult part. Go it alone if you dare.

andekwarhola

Regular sex probably wearing him out.

Complaining on the Internet doesn't take it out of you to the same extent

cowboyBuilder

lawlolawl wrote: »

I look at all my friends who are in relationships and I look back at my past relationships and I genuinely wonder why anyone would bother. The downsides are simply not worth it just to get your hole regularly.

The whole "support" side of it means nothing to me because I don't need someone else there to help me deal with life as I am a grown adult.

Constant arguing and compromise? Nah, you're grand. I will in my **** make myself miserable by having to put up with some womans bull**** just to get up on her occasionally.

Brilliant ! , while I don't really agree, this post is gold!

jcon1913

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Married men live longer on average than single men

Whereas married women on average live shorter lives than single women

That's interesting wonder why ;D

Overall the women live longer. Statistics eh?

traprunner

It is possible that he has some underlying health issue that he hasn't told you about.

Olishi4

I had previously posted but it was deleted because I quoted another poster whose post was deleted!

Anyway, my view on relationships is that it doesn't matter whether you are in a relationship or not but that you are genuinely happy with your life and that your expectations from a relationship or from single life are not unrealistic.

In a long term relationship or being single, you will have times where you are stressed, lower/higher sex drive, happy etc.

In LTR, you are not living in permanent honeymoon stage but you do get comfort, safety commitment, fun, reliability, comprimise etc and you change and evolve, mature throughout the relationship with the same person.

Single and dating, you will get frequent bouts of honeymoon stage, excitement, fun, no commitment etc. You may find it a better way to mature and grow than having a companion to compromise with.

If your needs are met overall, then you will be happy whichever lifestyle choice.

I can't say I have noticed that people in relationships appear to age more or less.

lawlolawl

whiskeyman wrote: »

Yep, that's the only reason and benefit of relationships...

If you think so, maybe that's why you're single

What are the other reasons?

If I want companionship I'll get a dog. As I already said, I'm a grown adult so I don't need anyone else for "support".

I just can't be bothered dealing with the hassle of having someone else that deeply involved in my life.

Maybe I'm odd or something because I'm just not a huge fan of people overall anyway.

I do have this one friend who is of pretty much the same opinions except she has gone a step further and has never bothered even trying a relationship. She was close once but just gently let down the fella involved once she realised where things were headed. She has little or no interest in sex so she sees relationships as pretty pointless to her lifestyle. She's a very attractive woman as well and has had no lack of male attention.

P. Breathnach

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Married men live longer on average than single men

Whereas married women on average live shorter lives than single women

That's interesting wonder why ;D

I saw the stats on that a long time ago, and the differences were quite large - something like 2 years in each case.

I see marriage as life expectancy transfer.

Alf Veedersane

lawlolawl wrote: »

What are the other reasons?

If I want companionship I'll get a dog. As I already said, I'm a grown adult so I don't need anyone else for "support".

I just can't be bothered dealing with the hassle of having someone else that deeply involved in my life.

Maybe I'm odd or something because I'm just not a huge fan of people overall anyway.

Do you have friends?

if so, why?

lawlolawl

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Do you have friends?

if so, why?

A few.

Most of them I know from growing up in an area, work or pure happenstance.

It's not like I went out of my way to make friends with them and if they disappeared tomorrow I wouldn't care for the most part.

muppetkiller

The problem with relationships is that you lose so much of your "me" time.
If you are very independent it can be a nightmare to lose that unless you find someone who is also very independent. Throw kids into the mix and you'll be like a miserable sleep deprived zombie lol.

It's horrible to think that going to work sometimes is a relief

Alf Veedersane

lawlolawl wrote: »

A few.

Most of them I know from growing up in an area, work or pure happenstance.

It's not like I went out of my way to make friends with them and if they disappeared tomorrow I wouldn't care for the most part.

Fair enough. You probably don't need to worry about a relationship anyway.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

lawlolawl wrote: »

What are the other reasons?

If I want companionship I'll get a dog. As I already said, I'm a grown adult so I don't need anyone else for "support".

I just can't be bothered dealing with the hassle of having someone else that deeply involved in my life.

Maybe I'm odd or something because I'm just not a huge fan of people overall anyway.

I do have this one friend who is of pretty much the same opinions except she has gone a step further and has never bothered even trying a relationship. She was close once but just gently let down the fella involved once she realised where things were headed. She has little or no interest in sex so she sees relationships as pretty pointless to her lifestyle. She's a very attractive woman as well and has had no lack of male attention.

Whatever makes you happy I suppose. I wouldn't be the biggest fan of relationships myself. I'm 27 and the relationship I'm in at the minute, he's the only boyfriend I've ever had. I've messed around with others plenty, a few ons, a few friends with benefits, a we aren't even friends but ride anyway situation. Out of all of them, there was one I would have dated at the time, but he didn't want to, which to be fair, was the biggest favour he ever done for me. Thank god.

But yeah, relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be, but I like having someone to tell secrets to, who's always on my side, for cuddles, to bring me drinks when I'm hungover, to rub my feet, to give me kisses and mind me when I'm germy and sick, to kill spiders, download movies, come on dates with me, and buy me presents.

whiskeyman

muppetkiller wrote: »

The problem with bad relationships is that you lose so much of your "me" time.

fyp

You should always have adequate 'me' time in any relationship, otherwise it's a sign there's something wrong.
It's finding the balance.
Too much 'me' time can get boring.
Too little, and you get annoyed.
Just the right amount, and you really enjoy it and value it.

Olishi4

muppetkiller wrote: »

The problem with relationships is that you lose so much of your "me" time.
If you are very independent it can be a nightmare to lose that unless you find someone who is also very independent. Throw kids into the mix and you'll be like a miserable sleep deprived zombie lol.

It's horrible to think that going to work sometimes is a relief

But I know many single people who are the same, have too much "me" time but are lonely and going to work is a relief. It doesn't make me think all single people are lonely though. I also know many single people who are very happy and the same with people in relationships, some happy, some not. And even, some are happy sometimes and not happy other times.

You really can't say one lifestyle is better than the other. You can only speak for yourself.

Jawgap

muppetkiller wrote: »

The problem with relationships is that you lose so much of your "me" time.
If you are very independent it can be a nightmare to lose that unless you find someone who is also very independent. Throw kids into the mix and you'll be like a miserable sleep deprived zombie lol.

It's horrible to think that going to work sometimes is a relief

A relationship doesn't mean living in each other's pockets - I would've thought if you like a lot of 'me' time, then a relationship with someone who also values a lot of 'me' time would be a good fit.

Plus, kids are not a requirement for a successful relationship - have them or don't have them. But I agree, that as regards either of those points a mis-match in expectations will not make for a happy outcome, hence the need for communication, imv.

Speedwell

Oh, heck, a mismatch of expectations can happen anytime, go and come, even on important stuff like whether to have kids. My husband and I were over his little sister's place a couple years ago, and she had just had a new baby boy. I was holding the baby, and my husband came in and sat down next to me, and I gave him the baby to hold while I got something out of my handbag. I looked up and he was smiling sweetly down at his nephew, and I said, "Wow, honey, you look really sweet holding that baby". And he said, "You looked nice holding him too". And we gave each other that "wouldn't it be nice if--" look before we both burst out laughing and he hastily handed the baby back to his sister. My sister-in-law wisely kept her mouth shut.

No, we won't have kids; we married just a few years ago and there is no point in either of our earlier lives when our marriage would have worked at all, and we're both in our late 40s and just want a peaceful life. But we still have occasional "what if" moments, and we don't always have them at the same time.

Faith+1

whiskeyman wrote: »

Yep, that's the only reason and benefit of relationships...

If you think so, maybe that's why you're single

Well if she can iron me a few shirts and make me a cheese sandwich then she's a keeper.

AnonoBoy

Faith+1 wrote: »

Well if she can iron me a few shirts and make me a cheese sandwich then she's a keeper.

Dude.... I can send you a Youtube video that shows you how to do both of those things.

tomo75

LexieOnRale wrote: »

But yeah, relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be, but I like having someone to tell secrets to, who's always on my side, for cuddles, to bring me drinks when I'm hungover, to rub my feet, to give me kisses and mind me when I'm germy and sick, to kill spiders, download movies, come on dates with me, and buy me presents.

And in return he gets.........

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

tomo75 wrote: »

And in return he gets.........

Me, and let's be honest, I'm a delight.

I'm very unpredictable so he is always surprised.

eviltwin

When you are in a relationship with the right person it's the best thing in the world.

Alf Veedersane

tomo75 wrote: »

And in return he gets.........

It's a family show so...

Galway K9

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Their genes were fine before they got married though. That's why I'm asking the question does long term relationships and marriage make you age faster ?

wat??? Are we on about wranglers or something else?

libelula

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

It's a family show so...

In return? You say that as if women don't enjoy it too!

Shenshen

eviltwin wrote: »

When you are in a relationship with the right person it's the best thing in the world.

^ This, pretty much.
I've had both, and there's no worse drain on you mentally and physically than a bad relationship. And there's nothing more energising and rewarding than a good one.
I think the problem is people don't always realise when they're in a bad one, or if they do continue on anyway because of the kids and the mortgage and the "what would people say".