Would you date an asexual man?

falseatheist

For those who don't know asexual means an individual who does not experience sexual attraction. I first discovered it on AVEN.

I have considered myself an asexual male since I was 20, (now 28). I dont obsess over it as it is a lack of a feeling which doesn't cause any discomfort. I've had my testosterone levels taken and they're normal. I'm a pretty feminine guy with interests in tennis, piano and I work in IT.

But would you date someone like me?

Conor Bourke

falseatheist wrote: »

For those who don't know asexual means an individual who does not experience sexual attraction. I first discovered it on AVEN.

I have considered myself an asexual male since I was 20, (now 28). I dont obsess over it as it is a lack of a feeling which doesn't cause any discomfort. I've had my testosterone levels taken and they're normal. I'm a pretty feminine guy with interests in tennis, piano and I work in IT.

But would you date someone like me?

I'm not sure that I would, I guess I would have to find myself in the situation to be able so say for definite but I would imagine that I wouldn't date an asexual man.

While sex isn't everything, for me it's very important and the intimacy that comes with it can help to strengthen emotional bonds. I appreciate that passion can fade over time in a relationship but love and intimacy should remain.

Desire is important too- I want to be with someone that I'm attracted to and know that they're attracted to me and desire me in return.

In the absence of any passion or desire in the early/dating stages of a relationship, is that not effectively just a friendship?

Forgive my ignorance but if you're not attracted to anyone, do you still want a relationship and what is important to you in a relationship?

falseatheist

Loop Zoop wrote: »

I'm not sure that I would, I guess I would have to find myself in the situation to be able so say for definite but I would imagine that I wouldn't date an asexual man.

While sex isn't everything, for me it's very important and the intimacy that comes with it can help to strengthen emotional bonds. I appreciate that passion can fade over time in a relationship but love and intimacy should remain.

Desire is important too- I want to be with someone that I'm attracted to and know that they're attracted to me and desire me in return.

In the absence of any passion or desire in the early/dating stages of a relationship, is that not effectively just a friendship?

Forgive my ignorance but if you're not attracted to anyone, do you still want a relationship and what is important to you in a relationship?

Hello Loop Zoop,

Romantic asexuals desire a relationships with no sex. Aromantic Asexuals desire neither. I'm in the latter category.

Cuddling and kissing are normal for asexuals just not in a sexual way. They can also masturbate but with no sexual thoughts

I also don't get erections over boobs, butts, and fetishes.


You asked what's important in a relationship. I think sharing hobbies is nice. And also disussing emotions. That's about it really everything normal people do except sex.

Conor Bourke

falseatheist wrote: »

Hello Loop Zoop,

Romantic asexuals desire a relationships with no sex. Aromantic Asexuals desire neither. I'm in the latter category.

Cuddling and kissing are normal for asexuals just not in a sexual way. They can also masturbate but with no sexual thoughts

I also don't get erections over boobs, butts, and fetishes.


You asked what's important in a relationship. I think sharing hobbies is nice. And also disussing emotions. That's about it really everything normal people do except sex.

Once again, I'm going to apologise in advance for my ignorance but if you can masturbate, I presume you manage to do so until you achieve a climax? If boobs etc don't stimulate an erection for you, what does?

I don't mean to be rude but your description of a relationship just sounds like a very close friendship. Personally speaking, I don't think that would be fulfilling enough for me.

baby and crumble

I think it would be difficult for most people to date and be in a relationship with someone with radically differing sex drives. As a woman with a relatively high sex drive, I have found it difficult to be in a non-sexual relationship in the past (although the person was not asexual, but dealing with trauma etc). Both parties can feel like a failure because you're either getting frustrated by the lack of sex and sexual contact or you're getting frustrated by the over-insistence on sex. I think it's really important to find someone who roughly matches with your desires and sex-drive. I mean you're never going to find someone who is the exact same as you (which would be boring anyway), but a rough dovetail is good to shoot for.

As you describe yourself as an aromantic asexual, I'm not too sure why this is even a question for you, OP? I mean you say yourself asexual aromantics don't desire a relationship. So do you?

You also say

I think sharing hobbies is nice. And also discussing emotions. That's about it really everything normal people do except sex

. Not to be rude, but that's really not everything sexual people do without sex. I only share one or two hobbies with my partner, and while we do discuss our emotions, we do a lot more besides. It's not just about sex with sexual people, I think there's a lot of misunderstanding about that. Being sexual isn't even just about sex as an act. It's about sex as a whole way of thinking. God, that sounds weird. But like, even with my high sex drive I don't want sex constantly, and tbh if I don't climax while I'm with my partner that's fine. It's about everything else around it. Does that make sense?

KikiDee

Hey OP,

I don't think I could. For me, sex, while not the bee all and end all of a relationship, it does play a key part. I feel a different kind of connection to someone and it takes a relationship to a new level.

Carlos Orange

falseatheist wrote: »

Romantic asexuals desire a relationships with no sex. Aromantic Asexuals desire neither. I'm in the latter category.

If you don't desire sex or a relationship what does dating you entail?

Cupcake_Crisis

Hey OP,

Interesting topic. I think for me it would be a definite no no. While I agree that sex isn't everything in a happy relationship, the intimacy and passion that come with it certainly are. And honestly, I think being with someone who had absolutely no sexual attraction towards me would be really, really bad for my self esteem.

SarahMollie

OP, it sounds like what you want is much more like a friendship than a relationship.

I think it would take a fairly specific sort of a person so want to commit to someone on such limiting terms, but hey, theres a lid for every pot so who knows.

Penny Tration

Personally speaking, no, I wouldn't date someone asexual.

Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but for me it's pretty high up there in what I desire in a relationship.

If my OH were to somehow have an accident or illness/trauma that prevented him from having sex, I'd deal with that and stand by him, but that's because I already love him and have a connection with him. I wouldn't be willing to forego sex in the hopes that that kind of love may happen.

beks101

No I wouldn't. The lack of any sexual dynamic would distinctly friendzone someone to me.

meeeeh

No.

For me it's important to feel desired. I have some very good male friends that I never felt sexually attracted to but care deeply for them and it's completely different dynamic than in the relationship where lust is also present.

Sex isn't everything, until there's a problem with sex. Then it is, for most people.

I wouldn't date someone who wanted such radically different things from a relationship.

woodchuck

It's important to be with someone you're compatible with, therefore wouldn't it make sense to date asexual women?

mzungu

woodchuck wrote: »

It's important to be with someone you're compatible with, therefore wouldn't it make sense to date asexual women?

This pretty much. I'd imagine two asexuals would have a better chance at a fulfilling relationship.

puppieperson1

Hi I would date an asexual man if he was good company and attractive in fact I think it would be great to have a companion for outing concerts holidays and just chilling with no expectations and no one cluttering up my bed. it is a trusting platonic friendship where 2 people like being in each others company without the awkwardness of sex. Its a marginal place and not for everyone but elegant for like minded people and hugely successful once the boundaries are defined.

kylith

puppieperson1 wrote: »

Hi I would date an asexual man if he was good company and attractive in fact I think it would be great to have a companion for outing concerts holidays and just chilling with no expectations and no one cluttering up my bed. it is a trusting platonic friendship where 2 people like being in each others company without the awkwardness of sex. Its a marginal place and not for everyone but elegant for like minded people and hugely successful once the boundaries are defined.

But that's just it; it's a platonic friendship, it's not 'dating'.

I think it would depend on what the man was looking for. If he wanted an exclusive relationship without anything sexual then I'd imagine that he wouldn't find many women interested in that; few people would want to be in a long term, monogamous relationship where their partner didn't find them sexually attractive and never would.

If the man was open to having an open relationship where the woman could seek sex elsewhere it could be a different story, but I still don't really see how it would be dating: it would be more like having a good friend of the opposite gender that you went to gigs and movies, or whatever, with.

IvyTheTerrible

MOD Thread locked as OP has been sitebanned. Also, women are not a hive mind.