Always mess things up

LegacyUser

Every time I meet a good guy, I always, always seem to mess it up....
Met a lovely guy for three dates. I bombarded him with texts ( which I know I shouldn't have)
Once after the 2nd date, he seen me on pof, big argument re that! I hadn't replied to him and he said, it's ok I guessed it. Seen me on pof. He was on it too. It was only 2nd date for ffs but different story for me!

That was resolved, we met for a 3rd date. Got on very well. He wanted to meet again.
Inbetween, I felt he was lacking effort in texts but I don't think he was now, just think he is very laid back in everything We were texting last Sat during the day but he didn't respond to my texts. I didn't say anything at this stage. I rang him Sunday but he was with his friend but got on grand on phone.

Monday night he text me but I was bit annoyed so I didn't reply. I replied Tues morning and then he still hadn't replied on Tuesday even though online.
I got annoyed and texted him numerous texts!! I know, I know. I'm an idiot.

A different day, he said he would check something for me and it took 3 days. This annoyed me too. I know, I wish I had relaxed about it. It didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

I really liked him and blew it with him. I wish I had just relaxed. There was definitely no one else. He was just relaxed with everything.

So moral of the story, I need to relax. I let a good one slip away. He travelled 2.30 hrs to meet every time

Merkin

I would personally run a mile if someone smothered me like that. It's good that you recognise it so at least you can change your behaviour and also understating it is important. Why did you feel the need to be so aggressive with contact and what were you saying in all these texts? You also said he was 'lacking effort' in texts. What exactly were you expecting from him?

LegacyUser

I just felt not as much effort as beginning but this is understandable now.
I asked him why didn't he bother to reply to my text either Sat or Sun.
Why when I asked to meet him Sun, he said no as wouldn't be alive until Tues...

Yet when I rang him, he was driving his friend somewhere 3 hrs ago.
I never received answers as I continued to bombard him. Well one answer which is said was because he was amazing.. Smart answer....

I continue to bombard him and pushed him away for good.
I hadn't met a good one in ages and then fecking ruin what may of been something good...

LegacyUser

Such a nice guy and blew it. Grrrr. No way to get him back now

KikiDee

You said it yourself, you need to relax. I'm with Merkin on this. If someone bombarded me with texts like that I'd be gone.
This guy obviously wasn't for you. Learn from your mistakes and maybe be a bit more chilled with the next guy that comes along

Tilly

You went on 3 dates, you were not in a relationship. You do not get to demand where he is and why he isnt replying straight away. Seriously 3 dates is nothing.

Take a step back next time and just go with the flow, do not overthink things like you've done here.

Sound Bite

Oh dear God. ..what did you expect would happen? If you bombard someone with that level of contact they will assume you are crazy and run the other way.

Try counting to ten before sending msgs in future. You need to learn how to came down and relax...otherwise you'll be considered a bunny boiler!

Well
OP you've obviously heard about your bombarding already, but I'd be a bit concerned your man was picking a fight with you about still being on POF after two dates? Like it sounds like he was being a bit intense as well?

Anyway for the future ... no loads of texting like that!

LegacyUser

I know, I know.I wish I hadn't sent them all .
I really liked this guy and was v comfortable with him.

I had a date tonight and def no chemistry on my side.
I kept thinking of that guy and the lovely dates we had.
Granted was only 3 but probably 3 of the best and then I go ruin it all with my stupid behaviour.

HoneyBee78

bluewolf wrote: »

Well
OP you've obviously heard about your bombarding already, but I'd be a bit concerned your man was picking a fight with you about still being on POF after two dates? Like it sounds like he was being a bit intense as well?

+1
Defo a red flag here, you should have sent him packing after that!

LegacyUser

Maybe it was after the 3rd date the pof thing happened.
He said he was going on to check if I was on it... Maybe that is true.
I don't mind about that but I ruined what potentially could have been something really good.
He was really good to me.

Anyway I really messed this up big time.
First time I felt like this about anyone.I know it was only early but there was definitely something there.
I am always going to regret this and wish I had went with the flow.
He is never going to talk to me again now as he obviously thinks I'm crazy and an idiot.


.

Merkin

Well I certainly wouldn't go texting him again. I think you need to learn from this and simply move on.

batmanrobin

cala12 wrote: »

Maybe it was after the 3rd date the pof thing happened.
He said he was going on to check if I was on it... Maybe that is true.
I don't mind about that but I ruined what potentially could have been something really good.
He was really good to me.

Anyway I really messed this up big time.
First time I felt like this about anyone.I know it was only early but there was definitely something there.
I am always going to regret this and wish I had went with the flow.
He is never going to talk to me again now as he obviously thinks I'm crazy and an idiot.


.

OP, you're being a bit hard on yourself here. You got a bit carried away with yourself as you seem to really like him. You're lesson here is to not get so carried away.

To be honest, I think you're overlooking a red flag on his end. He said he was going to check if you were still on POF? Why not ask you directly? Why should you be off it after 3 dates? He then gets bent out of shape when you're still on it? I wouldn't like that behaviour at all! Perhaps instead of building him up so much in your mind you could look at it a bit more rationally. Maybe you're the one who dodged a bullet?!

LegacyUser

Maybe it was a red flag.

I really liked him though and he did feel the same before I messed it.
Been doing the online dating for a while now and he was by far the best guy:(

Although he had texted me not nice messages after I texted him continuously.
I don't blame him.

CaraMay

cala12 wrote: »

Although he had texted me not nice messages after I texted him continuously.
I don't blame him.

Then he wasn't that nice op and you had a lucky escape

Why not take a break from dating for a while? It's stressful and it sounds like you need a rest from it all

LegacyUser

Maybe you're right CaraMay.I apologized for my texting but I had gone too far. He sent nasty things back and didn't apologize either. He probably meant them.:(

I might take a break and next time go with the flow.
So sick of going on dates and not liking them and then when I do like them I f##k it up.

Anyway I have definitely learnt a big lesson.

Thank u everyone.

LegacyUser

I probably said cruel things in my texts too so who can blame him.

bp

Honestly he doesn't sound great, especially picking a fight over POF as clearly he was still using it. You seem to be making him amazing in your head. You generally don't know someone after 3 dates. How far sexually do you both go on these dates - he might be a 'I got mine see ya' or a 'nothing after 3 dates see ya' kind of person - not casting aspersions just asking. Also nothing wrong with doing all/ nothing or some after three dates just a suggestion.

But in essence yes, don't send loads of texts as it frightens people off.

LegacyUser

No, he didn't use me so I'm grateful for that. He wasn't like that

It was the texting and the over thinking about everything.
If I hadn't of over thought everything.Things would have been v different I think.

CaraMay

cala12 wrote: »

No, he didn't use me so I'm grateful for that. He wasn't like that

It was the texting and the over thinking about everything.
If I hadn't of over thought everything.Things would have been v different I think.

You don't know that. He seemed quite nasty so you have no way of knowing what he was really like.

LegacyUser

"No, he didn't use me so I'm grateful for that. He wasn't like that
It was the texting and the over thinking about everything.
If I hadn't of over thought everything.Things would have been v different I think."

It's time for you to move on from this situation. What's for you won't go by you. Go out and join a gym and find a way of dealing with your anxiety with dating/men.

Your complaining that you were overthinking yet your still overthinking. It's over, who cares what he thinks.

LegacyUser

Ok, I should have came on here before and then I wouldn't have acted like a crazy person!!!!

Thanks all for the advice.

LegacyUser

Has anyone managed to get someone back after acting like an idiot?

I take it I have zero chance with him now.:(

dellas1979

I really don't think this would be healthy for you. What happened, happened.

You should perhaps take a break from dating, and work on yourself, and figure out where all this anxiety is coming from. You cant really control anyone or anything, except yourself.

You (and he) made mistakes. Its time to learn from these and move on. That is the best thing that you can do for yourself.

Dial Hard

cala12 wrote:

Has anyone managed to get someone back after acting like an idiot?

I take it I have zero chance with him now.

Seriously, you need to calm down. You went on three dates with this guy. That's nothing. The way you're obsessing over what happened and answering your own posts here suggests way deeper rooted issues with self esteem to me. I think counselling would do you a world of good.

Three dates. Seriously, try to put that in perspective.

batmanrobin

OP, that pedestal you have this guy on... Well, you might wanna knock him off it. I don't think you're seeing the forest for the trees here. He doesn't sound like the nicest guy and you don't seem to react in a good way towards him. I get that it's frustrating when you finally find someone and everything seems to be clicking and then it falls apart, but the last thing you want to do is to think he's the best you can do!

There's a danger when one struggles to click with a decent amount of men in settling with one who actually isn't all that great, he's just marginally better than the rest - hence the fixating.

Chalk it up to a lesson well learned and leave him in the past.

Merkin

I think you may need to assess how you communicate with everyone. Even in this thread there have been a flurry of consecutive posts on the issue and if this thread mirrors the way you communicate generally then it would be very off putting indeed for most people.

I would avoid dating altogether for the time being. Get to know and like yourself away from the pressures of dating or wanting to meet someone. Get yourself into a position that when you are finally ready to date again it's where YOU will believe that any guy would be lucky to meet you. Then you won't come across as desperate or obsessive or however the constant texting and abuse may be perceived.

Ursus Horribilis

I have to admit that after reading your posts on this thread, I'd be afraid to date you. You're coming across as very intense and lacking in self awareness. I think you should lay off dating for now and work on yourself.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.I will take a break from it all.I do realize my behaviour was not appropriate.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Yep OP, you're too intense and that won't fly with almost anyone.

You need to take some time alone, attend therapy or counselling and discover what compels you to communicate and act like this. Doing this therapy will be an investment in yourself and your future romantic life.

JeffKenna

cala12 wrote: »

Monday night he text me but I was bit annoyed so I didn't reply. I replied Tues morning and then he still hadn't replied on Tuesday

Hi OP, This is the bit that stuck out for me. If you just read the sentence again it makes no sense that you hold him to one set of rules (text back straight away) and yourself to another (leave it a day to text). What it stems down to is a lack of confidence in expressing yourself. If you were a bit annoyed with him then you should have texted back Monday and said it, being passive aggressive by ignoring his texts just makes things worse in the long run.

Have confidence to put your needs out there - if you were annoyed say it. It might scare him off but having briefly dated someone with characteristics similar to yours it's a hell of a lot worse dealing with someone who won't express themselves.