Confronted by your own mortality

Ush1

I'm 31 and just got news I'll likely be dead by 60. Fairly crappy to hear. Ever been faced with your own mortality and think you haven't done enough in your life?

I know there's still some time but its just lousy to know your sell by date.

fussyonion

We're all going to heaven lads, wahey!

The Moldy Gowl

Jaysus, dead in 29 years. Must be an awful way to face your death that way knowing how long you have left.

Would be awful if you got hit by a bus in the meantime.

Pac1Man

Ush1 wrote: »

I'm 31 and just got news I'll likely be dead by 60. Fairly crappy to hear. Ever been faced with your own mortality and think you haven't done enough in your life?

I know there's still some time but its just lousy to know your sell by date.

Tell that sell by date to go fuk itself.

howamidifferent

Lucky you. Many of us will be well dead by the time you reach 60!

Ush1

Ush1 wrote: »

I'm 31 and just got news I'll likely be dead by 60. Fairly crappy to hear. Ever been faced with your own mortality and think you haven't done enough in your life?

I know there's still some time but its just lousy to know your sell by date.

I assume that's your prognosis as things stand now.

If you look back on all the medical advances over the previous 30 years, I'm sure there were vast swathes of people who never expected to see middle or old age but who benefited from unforeseen breakthroughs. There's plenty of reason for optimism that some things that seem insurmountable now will be among the breakthroughs of the next 30 years.

Try think positively and take heart from all the astounding research being done in the world right now that could benefit you enormously in the future.

donegaLroad

with medical advancements at the moment, there is nothing that we can be told for certain.

I have often heard of people defying the odds... the people who were expected to check out early, ended up out-living the best of them.

Keane2baMused

That's really rough, nobody wants to hear that.

I suppose another way of looking at it though is that anyone could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die or contract a virus that kills them quickly.
Also medicine moves so fast that you never know what treatments will be available in 5/10/15 years. Your prognosis could completely change and you could live another 20/30's years?

I haven't yet been faced with my own mortality. My parent however when I was little was given just a couple days to live with a very serious illness and 27 years on is alive and well.

Ush1

howamidifferent wrote: »

Lucky you. Many of us will be well dead by the time you reach 60!

I dunno, I don't feel very lucky. This wasn't anything I had control over.

Ush1

Ush1 wrote: »

I dunno, I don't feel very lucky. This wasn't anything I had control over.

It's an estimate; not a guarantee. Try to think of it in those terms.

A few years ago, I was about half an hour from death in a medical emergency, but medical help saved me. In 30 years, that medical help might be there for you and you have to live your life in hope and expectation of that.

The alternative is to live a countdown of a life, and it's not even likely to be an accurate one.

Keane2baMused

Have you been offered any counselling or other support in light of your diagnosis? If not it would be worth doing, it's an awful lot to get your head around.

Have a read of Denial of Death by Ernest Becker, which won the Pulitzer Prize back in 1974. It's one of the most interesting and original studies of death and life I, at any rate, have ever read, bringing an extraordinarily wide range of thinking and research from psychology and philosophy to the topic.

Reviews

_Brian

All you can do is make the best of things.
I've some heart problems,on medication for high blood pressure and debilitating injuries from a car accident in '09.
But there are plenty worse off. Keep as fit as I can so I can live as best as possible and hopefully stay mobile.

But anything can take it all away so live every day well.

Del2005

My Uncle was given a few years to live in the early 90s and was on a heart lung transplant list. He never got the transplant and he buried most of his peers, he died 5 years ago.

Unless you've a hit out on you there's no way that they can tell you that you'll die in 29 years, especially with the advances is medical technology and who knows what could be invented tomorrow.

To even out the good news we don't know what pandemic could hit tomorrow and kill in the same proportions as the black death, especially since we're fast running out of antibiotics.

Ush1

Candie wrote: »

It's an estimate; not a guarantee. Try to think of it in those terms.

A few years ago, I was about half an hour from death in a medical emergency, but medical help saved me. In 30 years, that medical help might be there for you and you have to live your life in hope and expectation of that.

The alternative is to live a countdown of a life, and it's not even likely to be an accurate one.

Yeah I'm gonna do my best to stay positive. Thanks.

shamrock2004

When my uncle was 51, he became seriously ill and was told he had 5 months to live (riddled with cancer, so much so that when they opened him up in surgery, they closed him back up as there was nothing they could do). He is now 85 years old and there isn't a bother on him. Anything is possible.

RobertKK

Ush1 wrote: »

I'm 31 and just got news I'll likely be dead by 60. Fairly crappy to hear. Ever been faced with your own mortality and think you haven't done enough in your life?

I know there's still some time but its just lousy to know your sell by date.

Likely doesn't mean you will be, but as already said, medical advancements are coming fast.
The biggest advancement in recent times was understanding the human genome. So many biotech and pharma companies working on new drugs based on genes.

You were given an estimate based on 2016 medical know how to treat whatever it is.

There is so much change coming in medicine, it is one reason medical/health inflation is so high. Lots of newer treatments which are expensive.
I would not give up hope.

Ush1

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Have you been offered any counselling or other support in light of your diagnosis? If not it would be worth doing, it's an awful lot to get your head around.

I actually can't remember. Seemed like a blur when the doctor was talking to me. It might be an idea though, even though I'm not really into the whole counseling thing.

CFlat

Stephen Hawking in 1963 was given a life expectancy of 2 year and roll on 50 years later, he's now 74 and still a f**king know it all.

bear1

I'm very sorry to hear this op.
But, for a doctor to predict your death by age 60 I would take it with a pinch of salt. Unless of course you want to say what your diagnoses is? Please dont if you don't want to.
I myself faced twice some uncertainty.
1) I began peeing nothing but blood and I mean just blood. Freaked out and went to the doctor who suspected my kidney was failing and that my immune system was attacking the body. That was a horrible few months but in the end it turned out not to be the case and my kidney has too much protein but improving.
2) second most recent was a cancer scare. Up till 2 months ago I was smoking a lot, I started to get very lightheaded and high blood pressure. Then my chest started to get very painful and my lungs felt as if they were collapsing with every breath.
Doctor thought it may but quite unlikely it was lung cancer.
Ended up just being too much smoking. Quit and that was it. Pains went and blood pressure dropped.
My point is op is keep thinking of the positives or bright side and get more opinions and keep faith.

Ush1

Ush1 wrote: »

Yeah I'm gonna do my best to stay positive. Thanks.

Just don't compromise your potential for happiness by spending your life worrying about it. You could spend 30 years waiting for the axe to fall only to have some advance make it all wasted time and anxiety.

I think counselling is probably a good idea, to help you manage this.

Good luck OP, it must be hard but it's not set in stone and it's important to live the life you have, not the one you think you're going to lose.

Westernyelp

I don't think as many people get hit by buses as is feared in popular discourse

SterlingArcher

"Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back". Maximus Decimus Meridius.. Gladiator.

Strazdas

Candie wrote: »

It's an estimate; not a guarantee. Try to think of it in those terms.

A few years ago, I was about half an hour from death in a medical emergency, but medical help saved me. In 30 years, that medical help might be there for you and you have to live your life in hope and expectation of that.

The alternative is to live a countdown of a life, and it's not even likely to be an accurate one.

Exactly, 'probably dead in thirty years time' is the roughest of rough estimates. The same person could easily be alive in forty or forty five years' time.

OP, I don't know what your condition is but I would suggest you research it thoroughly. There may well be treatment options or lifestyle /dietary changes or supplements or whatever that will delay the onset of this thing that will supposedly catch up you eventually.

That doctor who gave him an estimate decades in advance needs a kick. Unless he has a crystal ball, he or she can only make a guess based on current knowledge. Nobody knows how much more knowledge will be gained in 30 years, but I think we can all expect it to be vast.

Ush1

bear1 wrote: »

I'm very sorry to hear this op.
But, for a doctor to predict your death by age 60 I would take it with a pinch of salt. Unless of course you want to say what your diagnoses is? Please dont if you don't want to.
I myself faced twice some uncertainty.
1) I began peeing nothing but blood and I mean just blood. Freaked out and went to the doctor who suspected my kidney was failing and that my immune system was attacking the body. That was a horrible few months but in the end it turned out not to be the case and my kidney has too much protein but improving.
2) second most recent was a cancer scare. Up till 2 months ago I was smoking a lot, I started to get very lightheaded and high blood pressure. Then my chest started to get very painful and my lungs felt as if they were collapsing with every breath.
Doctor thought it may but quite unlikely it was lung cancer.
Ended up just being too much smoking. Quit and that was it. Pains went and blood pressure dropped.
My point is op is keep thinking of the positives or bright side and get more opinions and keep faith.

It's chronic kidney disease I have.

Glad to hear you're doing better. Yeah, health is one of those crazy things you rarely think about until it's too late.

Ush1

Ush1 wrote: »

It's chronic kidney disease I have.

Glad to hear you're doing better. Yeah, health is one of those crazy things you rarely think about until it's too late.

Sure could be growing you artificial kidneys in petrie dishes in 30 years for all we know!

At the very least, I suspect transplants will become much more common as people become more aware and opt-in.

It's not too late OP, you're still here with your life ahead of you yet. Don't forget that.

MacauDragon

60's good innings.

Under average expectancy but still not that bad. You probably live well above average global living standards. So not the worst deal by far.

Many haven't made it to that age.

A couple centuries ago the average would have been more like 40.

blinding

With medical advancement, Who can say how long you will live.

29 years is a long time in todays science !

Calypso27

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis OP, it isn't easy being confronted with your own mortality.

When I was born the average life expectancy for my illness was 14 and here I am at the age of 27 and I don't plan on going anywhere just yet. Like others have said, medical advances and breakthroughs are happening for various illnesses and diseases all the time. You could easily live into old age, it's very difficult to predict someone's health so far into the future.

On the other hand though I know how you feel, nobody can tell me how long I'm going to live and the average life expectancy for my disease is in the late thirties, I definitely think I could make it to my forties or hopefully fifties but nobody can give me any guarantees, I could also decline and be dead in a few years.

I get tired of people saying that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow because while that is true, it is very different to live with that kind of uncertainty about your health and I fully empathise.

Elemonator

I'd take 29 years left with a pinch of salt. Medicine is advancing like crazy these days with new treatments, stem cells, nanotechnology advancing and even overtaking the primary method of treatment. Only this month, huge news about cancer treatment was announced and it could be the ultimate cure. Only yesterday, 12 American children had their sight returned through what I think was stem cells. Head in the air OP, you will probably get longer or cured. 29 years is a long time for treatments to be discovered and tailored. At least you can say you had a better life in 60 years than someone who worked their whole life and regretted not appreciating life at 80.

Calypso27

Calypso27 wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis OP, it isn't easy being confronted with your own mortality.

When I was born the average life expectancy for my illness was 14 and here I am at the age of 27 and I don't plan on going anywhere just yet. Like others have said, medical advances and breakthroughs are happening for various illnesses and diseases all the time. You could easily live into old age, it's very difficult to predict someone's health so far into the future.

On the other hand though I know how you feel, nobody can tell me how long I'm going to live and the average life expectancy for my disease is in the late thirties, I definitely think I could make it to my forties or hopefully fifties but nobody can give me any guarantees, I could also decline and be dead in a few years.

I get tired of people saying that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow because while that is true, it is very different to live with that kind of uncertainty about your health and I fully empathise.

You're twice the woman I am. I'm not capable of that kind of strength, and it's a very admirable quality.

Ush1

Calypso27 wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis OP, it isn't easy being confronted with your own mortality.

When I was born the average life expectancy for my illness was 14 and here I am at the age of 27 and I don't plan on going anywhere just yet. Like others have said, medical advances and breakthroughs are happening for various illnesses and diseases all the time. You could easily live into old age, it's very difficult to predict someone's health so far into the future.

On the other hand though I know how you feel, nobody can tell me how long I'm going to live and the average life expectancy for my disease is in the late thirties, I definitely think I could make it to my forties or hopefully fifties but nobody can give me any guarantees, I could also decline and be dead in a few years.

I get tired of people saying that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow because while that is true, it is very different to live with that kind of uncertainty about your health and I fully empathise.

Thanks and sorry to hear about your illness. Fair play on defying the odds. I guess I just thought it could never be me but that's how it goes.

RobertKK

Candie wrote: »

Sure could be growing you artificial kidneys in petrie dishes in 30 years for all we know!

At the very least, I suspect transplants will become much more common as people become more aware and opt-in.

It's not too late OP, you're still here with your life ahead of you yet. Don't forget that.

I was listening to the TED hour on Newstalk over a year ago, they were talking about the future of health and growing new body parts using your own stem cells is something that will happen.
I am watching a company (Celyad, bought a few shares in it) who have a phase III clinical trial completing in the summer. They are using stem cells to treat people who suffered a heart attack and to repair the damage done by the heart attack, given 1 in 3 people who suffer a heart attack are dead within 12 months.
Hopefully they will have good news for people who suffer heart attacks, as there is nothing to repair the heart at the moment. Hopefully it is a success.
I expect similar for kidney disease if stem cells are proven to work.

fergiesfolly

fergiesfolly wrote: »

There's a girl of 15 with three brain tumours being interviewed on TV right now.

I know people say these kinds of things to be helpful, but dreadful as that girls circumstances are it has nothing to do with how the OP feels.

He's entitled to feel the way he does, he doesn't have to be grateful for the 30 years or compare his situation with anyone elses, or take being hit by a bus as a point of comparison.

I think it's tough enough on him without being made feel as though it's not reasonable for him to mourn the lifespan he assumed himself to have, he's allowed be upset about it, its a very tough thing.

Sorry if that sounds like I'm having a go, I'm not. I just don't want the OP to feel that it's not ok to be upset about this, because it really is.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Ush1 wrote: »

It's chronic kidney disease I have.

Glad to hear you're doing better. Yeah, health is one of those crazy things you rarely think about until it's too late.

There are at least 5 stages of chronic kidney disease and each one has treatments that can slow it down. It is neigh on impossible to put a life expectancy on it - was this doctor a GP or Kidney specialist?

There are advances in this field all the time and a transplant is always possible.

Go and talk to a specialist/consultant.

Calypso27

Ush1 wrote: »

Thanks and sorry to hear about your illness. Fair play on defying the odds. I guess I just thought it could never be me but that's how it goes.

Oh I completely understand that, I got my diagnosis at fourteen and even at that young age it wasn't what I had planned for my life, I never thought it would happen to me either, even though my illness is genetic so I've always had it, the finding out changed everything.

You will adjust and you will adapt, it will take time and give yourself time, but you will accept this and it won't always be something that troubles you as much as it does right now, and it won't always be at the forefront of your mind. You will be surprised by how mundane life becomes again. A lot of people assume I am living life on the edge because I don't have as much time as others but to be honest I spend a lot of time in my pyjamas watching TV

Ush1

Noah Gifted Coffeepot wrote: »

There are at least 5 stages of chronic kidney disease and each one has treatments that can slow it down. It is neigh on impossible to put a life expectancy on it - was this doctor a GP or Kidney specialist?

There are advances in this field all the time and a transplant is always possible.

Go and talk to a specialist/consultant.

A very experienced nephrologist. Said I will need a transplant in 10 and will get maybe 20 years from that.

blinding

It wasn't a Witch Doctor was it ?

Posted this just before reading the post above. Trying to introduce a bit of humour, Sorry if it offends.

Dubl07

I understand how you feel. When I was about 14, I resisted further hospital stays and operations. My mum told me that the previous procedures had been life-saving but would probably be dead by 18 even if I went ahead with the one in question but would be dead sooner if the surgery didn't take place.

I was astounded. I'd almost killed myself on several occasions by being a very normal kid so it was disconcerting. As a child, I'd given equal weight to a nasty septic finger from catching sticklebacks or almost drowning as to surgical complications, infections and hospital stays. Actually I probably felt worse with the septic finger because I got less sympathy.

I'm now a fair bit older than you and still brushing my teeth every morning. At 31, it's a hard blow to realise you've a life-limiting condition but please embrace the rest of your life. Medical and surgical resources can change very rapidly. You may not be pushing up daisies for another hundred years.

Get out there, live your life, dodge the damn buses and dance on the daisies.

jimgoose

29 years, eh? Not bad odds. Plenty of time for the psychopaths to be weeded out of the healthcare professions and some proper Star Trek stuff to happen. Eat well, and blow health out yer ass.

donegaLroad

a good friend of mine had a transplant in 1990 @ 19 years old. He is now 45 and doing well, few kids, good career etc.

Hitchens

death is merely a stage we must go through, just as we went through birth ......birth and death are just one-hit wonders!

jimgoose

Hitchens wrote: »

death is merely a stage we must go through, just as we went through birth ......birth and death are just one-hit wonders!

Mmm. I hear a lot of this sort of talk. Until someone I know to be a non-gobsh1te comes back and gives me a recommendation and a sample menu I'll be doing my best to hang around on this side, thank you.

Hitchens

Hitchens wrote: »

death is merely a stage we must go through, just as we went through birth ......birth and death are just one-hit wonders!

Both might be the bookends of existence, but only the most affectedly jaded would expect someone facing their mortality to be free from anxiety about it.

dreamers75

Dead by 60? thats 29 years seems a bit vague tbh

60 is a good innings tbh.

jimgoose

dreamers75 wrote: »

Dead by 60? thats 29 years seems a bit vague tbh

60 is a good innings tbh.

Is it buggery. 60 is the new 40. How old are you, 16??

dreamers75

jimgoose wrote: »

Is it buggery. 60 is the new 40. How old are you, 16??

I take a lot of drugs.

Im on borrowed time atm :pac:

jimgoose

dreamers75 wrote: »

I take a lot of drugs.

Im on borrowed time atm :pac:

Pack up those bastard things, they're bad for you. Dr. Goose prescribes a gallon of porter and a feed of burgers-and-chips.

PARlance

Ush1 wrote: »

I'm 31 and just got news I'll likely be dead by 60. Fairly crappy to hear. Ever been faced with your own mortality and think you haven't done enough in your life?

I know there's still some time but its just lousy to know your sell by date.

There's a good chance you'll have died before then, keep the chin up.

Hitchens

Elemonator wrote: »

I'd take 29 years left with a pinch of salt. Medicine is advancing like crazy these days with new treatments, stem cells, nanotechnology advancing and even overtaking the primary method of treatment. Only this month, huge news about cancer treatment was announced and it could be the ultimate cure. Only yesterday, 12 American children had their sight returned through what I think was stem cells. Head in the air OP, you will probably get longer or cured. 29 years is a long time for treatments to be discovered and tailored. At least you can say you had a better life in 60 years than someone who worked their whole life and regretted not appreciating life at 80.

I'd watch the 'oul salt there now