Remind me never to have children

Hammer89

Before today, I was quite keen on fatherhood. I loved the idea of being a dad, but all that changed this afternoon.

I'm in the pub watching the football. This isn't a particularly sporty pub; my mate was the only one wearing a football jersey, while most of the people around us seemed far too interested in their carveries to notice that a massive football match was taking place on the telly.

I had to keep my cuss words to a minimum because the place was full of more nuclear families than Pripyat. I was interested in the match, but I was a lot more interested in observing how miserable the mothers looked. We're talking middle-class young mothers, say late 20s or early 30s, and they looked heart-breakingly fed up with life.

They'd sit lazily with their elbow on the table, the palm of their hand pressed against the side of their head, like a teenage girl in Geography class, just waiting to die more or less. It looked as if they had realised their life was basically over. They're slowly but surely getting old.

They used to spend their Sundays nursing hangovers and discussing the wild and hilarious stories from the night before. Now they're the types who go for Sunday lunches with their older husbands and think: 'if only I made him wear a johnny'. I wanted to hug them. Seriously.

Never have children. They might seem like a good idea, but they're expensive and sooner or later you'll think 'actually, this is a bit sh*t'. I'd liken them to Beats by Dre. Just don't bother.

aaronjumper

Never have children. There, all better.

Is it possible they were bored because of the pub and not because of the kids?

LETHAL LADY

Whatever you do Hammer89 don't ever forget to never have children.

yerwanthere123

Hammer89 wrote: »

Never have children. They might seem like a good idea, but they're expensive and sooner or later you'll think 'actually, this is a bit sh*t'. I'd liken them to Beats by Dre. Just don't bother.

Sterling advice from someone who's... never had children

NomadicGray

Hammer89 wrote: »

They'd sit lazily with their elbow on the table

****ing savages

The Backwards Man

Because nursing a hangover every Sunday is a much better way of living your life than raising kids.

gctest50

they're the best thing ever

SteelyDanJalapeno

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Because nursing a hangover every Sunday is a much better way of living your life than raising kids.

Agreed

Hammer89

aaronjumper wrote: »

Never have children. There, all better.

Is it possible they were bored because of the pub and not because of the kids?

Perhaps, but the reason they were in the pub at 2pm was because they had turned into that woman; the woman whose Sunday dinner is at a time which used to be their Sunday breakfast more or less.

aaronjumper

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Because nursing a hangover every Sunday is a much better way of living your life than raising kids.

It certainly doesn't require as much concentration or have as long lasting negative effects if you do it wrong. :pac:

kjl

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

Sterling advice from someone who's... never had children

Or a pair of Beats™

Hammer89

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Because nursing a hangover every Sunday is a much better way of living your life than raising kids.

That's the jist of it mate. A hangover is a knock-on effect for a fun night.

The Backwards Man

aaronjumper wrote: »

It certainly doesn't require as much concentration or have as long lasting negative effects if you do it wrong. :pac:

If he said they used to spend their wekkends climbing K2 or running with the wildebeest in the Serengeti then I might have had some sympathy

Your Face

This is poo

PARlance

Maybe one day, one of those bored and depressed mothers will raise a kid who goes on to create fascinating threads like this on After Hours. I'm sure it will fill her with such pride that she'll realise that all of those elbows on the table were worth it.

spottybananas

You have just described my "f*cking sport on AGAIN" demeanor when in a pub eating lunch. My "I should never have had a child" face is only seen by my husband and said child at 2am, 4am, 6am...

Hammer89

Hammer89 wrote: »

That's the jist of it mate. A hangover is a knock-on effect for a fun night.

So is a kid (if you do it right)

aaronjumper

Hammer89 wrote: »

Perhaps, but the reason they were in the pub at 2pm was because they had turned into that woman; the woman whose Sunday dinner is at a time which used to be their Sunday breakfast more or less.

Maybe it's rewarding in the long run if not the short. I know that I don't know.

The Backwards Man wrote: »

If he said they used to spend their weekends climbing K2 or running with the wildebeest in the Serengeti then I might have had some sympathy.

Sympathy for who? The mothers?

It's 01:05 I am tired and thinking about going to bed but may as well not as I would have to get up in a few minutes to feed my son.

Seeing him playing with the other kids in the pool yesterday afternoon though? Yeah because I would have preferred to be sick from drink than see that pure joy.

Grow up (it looks like you have some to do in fairness)

So the choice in life is, go out at weekend, get hammered, spend Sunday hungover & Monday with the fear, or have children??

Thankfully, I have found other choices in my life.

JustTheOne

Op just reminding you to never have kids.

Has anyone reminded the OP to not have kids in the past few minutes?

I hear that a *ahem* few minutes is all it takes

LETHAL LADY

So you fancy women in that age group with children . Nothing to be ashamed of Hammer89 :P

The Backwards Man

aaronjumper wrote: »

Maybe it's rewarding in the long run if not the short. I know that I don't know.

Sympathy for who? The mothers?

Yeah, I'd imagine parents miss some things they used to to do before they had kids, but if they miss downing Green Chartreuse and doing Rock The Boat and tearing into a taco chip then I wouldn't have much sympathy for them.

Hammer89

Well this has gone pretty much the way I hoped it wouldn't, with a bunch of tired people being a bit overly hostile to what was effectively a light-hearted and jovial thread.

Remind me to make "fascinating threads" about the general election in future.

The Backwards Man

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Yeah, I'd imagine parents miss some things they used to to do before they had kids, but if they miss downing Green Chartreuse and doing Rock The Boat and tearing into a taco chip then I wouldn't have much sympathy for them.

Green Chartreuse??
Green Chartreuse???? Are you f**king mental?

You do that once and never again

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Deleted User wrote: »

It's 01:05 I am tired and thinking about going to bed but may as well not as I would have to get up in a few minutes to feed my son.

Seeing him playing with the other kids in the pool yesterday afternoon though? Yeah because I would have preferred to be sick from drink than see that pure joy.

Grow up (it looks like you have some to do in fairness)

I doubt the OP was very serious about ladies eating carvery food putting him off fatherhood but this attitude of your life being more grown up/fulfilling because you decided to have a child is just condescending to be honest.

Having children isn't for everyone and I think it takes a wise person to realise they're not cut out for it, rather than bringing a child into the world and having the child grow up with so many issues that even magnum pi couldn't figure it out.

Being a parent is not for everyone, and reproducing doesn't make you a better person.

aaronjumper

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Yeah, I'd imagine parents miss some things they used to to do before they had kids, but if they miss downing Green Chartreuse and doing Rock The Boat and tearing into a taco chip then I wouldn't have much sympathy for them.

That's fair enough.

Hammer89 wrote: »

Well this has gone pretty much the way I hoped it wouldn't, with a bunch of tired people being a bit overly hostile to what was effectively a light-hearted and jovial thread.

Remind me to make "fascinating threads" about the general election in future.

I'm not grumpy Hammer. Since I didn't have to look after any kids I'm in great form.

Hammer89

Hammer89 wrote: »

Well this has gone pretty much the way I hoped it wouldn't, with a bunch of tired people being a bit overly hostile to what was effectively a light-hearted and jovial thread.

Remind me to make "fascinating threads" about the general election in future.

I know what was wrong with those ladies!
They looked across a bar and saw some hungover 20-something guys and were depressed that they were ever like that?

iguana

You are so wrong. When you have kids you are allowed to go down the big slides in indoor play areas. Weekday mornings when you are doing whatever crap you do at work, I'm in an adventure world racing my kid down a giant wavey slide. And I always win because he doesn't know about wind resistance yet! Parenthood is awesome!

Punkyblip

Go get the snip, then you can have loads of Hammertime and no sprogs!

Into The Blue

Hammer89 wrote: »

Perhaps, but the reason they were in the pub at 2pm was because they had turned into that woman; the woman whose Sunday dinner is at a time which used to be their Sunday breakfast more or less.

There's someone like you in work. Early 30s.. Every evening, she'll come out with the usual "so you up to anything nice for the evening?" (Trying to steer the conversation to whatever empty timesink distraction she has planned for that evening)..


'Nappies and tired kids' is usually the answer from everyone. She thinks she's deadly, but everyone just feels sorry for her.

LETHAL LADY

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I doubt the OP was very serious about ladies eating carvery food putting him off fatherhood but this attitude of your life being more grown up/fulfilling because you decided to have a child is just condescending to be honest.

Having children isn't for everyone and I think it takes a wise person to realise they're not cut out for it, rather than bringing a child into the world and having the child grow up with so many issues that even magnum pi couldn't figure it out.

Being a parent is not for everyone, and reproducing doesn't make you a better person.

Well neither is slagging off mothers over a certain age, which is what the OP's post intended to do.

Day Lewin

All the good jobs take a bit of heavy graft. That includes kids, And rocket science and most anything else.

Life ain't all jam and velvet, boys: fighting on through, well worth it in the end.

Hammer89

aaronjumper wrote: »

That's fair enough.

I'm not grumpy Hammer. Since I didn't have to look after any kids I'm in great form.

Nope, you're taking this thread with a pinch of salt. You're one of the few people who realised that I wasn't being entirely serious when I compared children to a pair of f*cking earphones

LexieOnRale

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I doubt the OP was very serious about ladies eating carvery food putting him off fatherhood but this attitude of your life being more grown up/fulfilling because you decided to have a child is just condescending to be honest.

Having children isn't for everyone and I think it takes a wise person to realise they're not cut out for it, rather than bringing a child into the world and having the child grow up with so many issues that even magnum pi couldn't figure it out.

Being a parent is not for everyone, and reproducing doesn't make you a better person.

No but coming in and having a pop at everyone with kids is grown up mentality?

iguana

iguana wrote: »

You are so wrong. When you have kids you are allowed to go down the big slides in indoor play areas. Weekday mornings when you are doing whatever crap you do at work, I'm in an adventure world racing my kid down a giant wavey slide. And I always win because he doesn't know about wind resistance yet! Parenthood is awesome!

We won't mention that your *ahem* extra weight (in relation to the kid only!!) allows you go push through the air also

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I doubt the OP was very serious about ladies eating carvery food putting him off fatherhood but this attitude of your life being more grown up/fulfilling because you decided to have a child is just condescending to be honest.

Having children isn't for everyone and I think it takes a wise person to realise they're not cut out for it, rather than bringing a child into the world and having the child grow up with so many issues that even magnum pi couldn't figure it out.

Being a parent is not for everyone, and reproducing doesn't make you a better person.

There can be a lot of projection from people on both sides of the kids question. I.e. 'I would be miserable if I was in that person's situation, therefore that person must be miserable and if they deny that they're lying'

Hammer89

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Well neither is slagging off mothers over a certain age, which is what the OP's post intended to do.

It was not actually what I intended to do and I apologise if it was taken that way.

Hammer89

Hammer89 wrote: »

Nope, you're taking this thread with a pinch of salt. You're one of the few people who realised that I wasn't being entirely serious when I compared children to a pair of f*cking earphones

Not so subtle "Sh1t, no one is playing along with my condescension; so I'll play it like it was all a laugh" comment

Heckler

When I was married we both decided kids weren't on the cards.

But you go to see a self described "massive" football game of a sunday in a pub thats doing carvery dinners and spend your time eyeballing the people around you ?

Maybe you should have gone to a different pub.

What type of people did you expect to be there ?

You sound like you're a kid yourself.

Teagan Cuddly Checkers

Teagan Cuddly Checkers wrote: »

There can be a lot of projection from people on both sides of the kids question. I.e. 'I would be miserable if I was in that person's situation, therefore that person must be miserable and if they deny that they're lying'

I actually did think that I would be miserable and, yeah, it's a massive change but hell if it's not a lot of fun

Into The Blue

Hammer89 wrote: »

It was not actually what I intended to do and I apologise if it was taken that way.

Have a read of your op there

Bongalongherb

There's nothing like being free and single and being able to just leave a short relationship when needed and being free again all thanks to the Condom. Life is short enough. No point in having babies if the financial circumstances a person is in is not good.

Me = 100%
Having babies = 0%

Free to the world of enjoyability and no nagging.

In saying this though, a lot of folk have a great life and enjoyment with having kids. Fair play so. Each to their own. Whatever makes you happy.

aaronjumper

Hammer89 wrote: »

Nope, you're taking this thread with a pinch of salt. You're one of the few people who realised that I wasn't being entirely serious when I compared children to a pair of f*cking earphones

My doctor tells me I need to cut back on salt.
I hope you're happy! :mad:

As for kids? Maybe someday, I am too selfish and immature to have them on purpose until I sort myself out.

Bongalongherb

Bongalongherb wrote: »

There's nothing like being free and single and being able to just leave a short relationship when needed and being free again all thanks to the Condom. Life is short enough. No point in having babies if the financial circumstances a person is in is not good.

Me = 100%
Having babies = 0%

Free to the world of enjoyability and no nagging.

The important part of your comment is the "Short relationship" though.
What about a permanent one?

LETHAL LADY

Teagan Cuddly Checkers wrote: »

There can be a lot of projection from people on both sides of the kids question. I.e. 'I would be miserable if I was in that person's situation, therefore that person must be miserable and if they deny that they're lying'

I reckon he likes motherly types, a perfectly respectable choice imo. It may explain his obsession with them on his day out.

Hammer89

Deleted User wrote: »

Not so subtle "Sh1t, no one is playing along with my condescension; so I'll play it like it was all a laugh" comment

Hmm, the observations were very real but yes, I clearly wrote the post with a large degree of flippancy.

"I had to keep my cuss words to a minimum because the place was full of more nuclear families than Pripyat."

"Now they're the types who go for Sunday lunches with their older husbands and think: 'if only I made him wear a johnny'."

"Never have children. They might seem like a good idea, but they're expensive and sooner or later you'll think 'actually, this is a bit sh*t'. I'd liken them to Beats by Dre. Just don't bother."

If I wanted to make a compelling case for NOT having children, would I really have used this tone?

LETHAL LADY

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

I reckon he likes motherly types, a perfectly respectable choice imo. It may explain his obsession with them on his day out.

What was it that Robin Williams said in a film? Go to the maternity ward, at least you know that they put out :eek:

Hammer89

Into The Blue wrote: »

Have a read of your op there

I have. It's offensive as sh*t, for which I've apologised, but it wasn't meant to be. I had hoped that with the prose I used that people could tell I wasn't trying to make a compelling argument against having children and therefore take it with a pinch of salt.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Deleted User wrote: »

No but coming in and having a pop at everyone with kids is grown up mentality?

Didn't really take it as a pop to be honest, I think that's just being overly sensitive but people are free to take things whatever way they like.
It is a funny observation when you see parents of spirited kids being able to switch off and remain oblivious to bad behaviour and noise or tantrums.
It doesn't mean all parents are like that.

The OP just passed comment on how fed up the mothers in the carvery looked today. (Probably because they couldn't even get away from the football during dinner) I don't think the level of attack on his choice not to have kids (however serious he is) is very mature. Just my opinion