Opinions on a Wishing Well

lorenzo87

Good afternoon folks.

I have read some very mixed reviews about wishing wells at weddings. Some people seem to say that find it offensive. I am just wondering what you all think?

I was at my cousins wedding recently and he had 5-6 cards go missing, total value possibly €1,000+. Surely a wishing well takes a lot of pressure off the best man and is a secure and safe way to collect any gifts?

Nobody points a gun to someone's head or asks for a gift, it is merely there for those who do wish to give a card?

Thanks in advance for your opinions.

looksee

It sounds extraordinarily naff to me. Could you arrange for a room safe to be put just inside the bar or somewhere else out of the way?

lorenzo87

looksee wrote: »

It sounds extraordinarily naff to me. Could you arrange for a room safe to be put just inside the bar or somewhere else out of the way?

What is "naff" about it? I am struggling to understand the frustration behind a wishing well. Instead of handing the card to the best man, you throw it in a box. I don't see the problem.

Arbiter of Good Taste

lorenzo87 wrote: »

What is "naff" about it? I am struggling to understand the frustration behind a wishing well. Instead of handing the card to the best man, you throw it in a box. I don't see the problem.

Look. Irish people are weird. Most people bring a present, but everyone must pretend that it's a big surprise that you weren't expecting. Otherwise, people will think you have "notions".

fits

Provide a box all you want, but please don't call it a wishing well. I wouldn't like it anyway. I cant say why, I just wouldn't.

lorenzo87

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Look. Irish people are weird. Most people bring a present, but everyone must pretend that it's a big surprise that you weren't expecting. Otherwise, people will think you have "notions".

Well personally, I wouldn't have the audacity to show up at a wedding without a present or card. If it means that nothing goes missing, I think it is a worthy thing to get. But I am just worried about what other people may think, the last thing I want to do is for people to be passing negative remarks about a wishing well at my wedding. I also think it takes a lot of stress off the best man.

lorenzo87

fits wrote: »

Provide a box all you want, but please don't call it a wishing well. I wouldn't like it anyway. I cant say why, I just wouldn't.

Will I just call it "Box" ?

You already know that some people will have negative views on your wishing well, that's why you're here, you have to decide if you care or don't care about those negative views.

Posting on boards won't change the opinions of your guests.

fits

Do you have to call it anything?

lorenzo87

Deleted User wrote: »

You already know that some people will have negative views on your wishing well, that's why you're here, you have to decide if you care or don't care about those negative views.

Posting on boards won't change the opinions of your guests.

I do care. I am looking for people who have used a wishing well or guests who wish they did, to see what their opinions are.

Icaras

lorenzo87 wrote: »

Well personally, I wouldn't have the audacity to show up at a wedding without a present or card. If it means that nothing goes missing, I think it is a worthy thing to get. But I am just worried about what other people may think, the last thing I want to do is for people to be passing negative remarks about a wishing well at my wedding. I also think it takes a lot of stress off the best man.

It sound like you have made up your mind already.
Personally I don't like the idea and before reading your comment thought it was a skeptical wedding money maker, if I went to a wedding with one I'd probably still give the card to the best man.

Btw if it's something you want do it and let the negative comment flow over you like the breeze on a summers day.

K_P

I think some kind of designated area / box for presents is a great idea. But calling it a wishing well, to me at least, sounds childish, twee and just far too airy-fairy for my taste. Of course I'd give a gift going to a wedding, but when I'm giving it to the best man or mother of the bride, or whoever, I'm giving a gift, not expressing my deepest and most fervent wishes for the happy couple through the medium of cold hard cash.

I'm trying to put into words why I don't like it, so maybe I'm not making sense. Some people might love it. I'd find it toe-curlingly schmaltzy.

Edited to add: That box that fits posted is perfect. If you're worried about cards being stolen then make it into a postbox kind of a thing maybe. But something like what's in that picture is lovely.

lorenzo87

Ok guys, thanks very much for the opinions. It didn't take me too long to realise that I think it is best we scrap the idea. If ONE person was upset or offended at the idea when they walk into the reception, that would ruin my night. Main thing is that everyone has a good night. If that means the potential of a card or two to go missing, I guess so be it. Thanks.

I was at a wedding where there was a big photo frame for all the guest to sign, beside it there was a box for cards. Nothing fancy, no fancy name, just a simple box making it easy to pop the card into.

It's when you start going down the road of "wishing wells" as K_P says, it starts to sound a bit convoluted and too.....something a word I can't think of!

Miaireland

I can't say it would bother me but it might upset some of the guests. To be hinest my only issue with it would be someone picking it up and making off with it as it may not be possible to fix it ro anything. To be honest I would probably ask at reception if the Best Man could leave a large brown envelope there that could be left in a locked drawer or safe and then he could put any cards in it yhat he gets during the day.

Wabbit Ears

If I have a card with money in it i'm handing it to the best man. End of story. It's good old chain of custody.

I know that I gave the envelope to some designated to take it by the bride and groom. It's his responsibility to keep it safe for the couple.

Fobbing that responsibility off on a fancy trocaire box? Makes less than zero sense.

ElleEm

Why are you expecting cards to go missing? Just give the cards to a person you trust. Unless you padlock a postbox closed, the unattended cards in a box (I hate the phrase 'wishing well' too!) could be easily taken too.

sillysmiles

lorenzo87 wrote: »

. Surely a wishing well takes a lot of pressure off the best man and is a secure and safe way to collect any gifts?

Most people hand over cards before the meal as they want to get rid of them! Is it so hard for the best man to mind them until dinner and then ask the hotel to place them in a safe if he is uncomfortable holding them.

I think most people like to hand them to somebody - almost like a chain of custody!

haveringchick

lorenzo87 wrote: »

Will I just call it "Box" ?

Can the best man not just take the cards as he's handed them and put them in the box?
"Wishing Well" is just too ridiculous for words
Wishing Wells have water in them and you throw pennies in and wish for a husband or something!

PhoenixParker

What's to stop the entire box going missing?
At least if they're given to the Best Man who then hands them into reception for the hotel safe or makes regular trips to a room with a safe cards can only go missing in small batches.

A box is much easier for cards to disappear from or as I said for the whole box to go missing.

baby and crumble

lorenzo87 wrote: »

If ONE person was upset or offended at the idea when they walk into the reception, that would ruin my night.

Tbh I'd try and get out of that mindset. Someone is going to find something at your wedding naff, or inappropriate, or something. You simply can't please everyone. There's no point ditching an idea just because one person might not like it

Toots

Personally I'd be more concerned about cards going missing from the box. I dunno, I'm probably being a bit paranoid but it's basically a big kitty of potentially thousands of euro just sitting around all day. A quick search online seems to show that theft from them can be quite common - not sure whether the risk would be the same here in Ireland, where they're less popular. Nonetheless it's something that needs to be planned for.

I'd imagine a lot of guests might not feel it was secure, and just end up giving the cards to the groomsmen etc anyway.

Buona Fortuna

I don't really like the name "wishing well", but I'm guessing I'm probably not invited

How is this box / well / what have you, more secure than your best man taking personal charge and care of the item?

Tell him to wear a jacket with big pockets and no more than two pints all evening.

dori_dormer

I think a wishing well sounds very american. A little post box or something would look fine beside the guest book when you enter the venue. Most people will stop and sign and be glad to drop off the card. At my weddign there was a hotel representative person there directing people where to go. Once all the guests were in and settled the best man could just go and get the box and put it in the safe.
Anyone who wants can give the card to the best man when they see him
I can't see anyone being 'offended' by a place to put cards. That sems a really extreme reaction! People will generally do what they want anyway.

Lady is a tramp

It just sounds quite presumptuous to me. Of course everyone knows most people will give presents, but a special box for them ... I just don't like the idea. Also, unless you have someone designated to watch it like a hawk the entire time, are you not leaving yourself even more open to the risk of theft?

If I were you I'd just discuss your concerns with the best man and have a clear plan in place about exactly how you're going to deal with any cards received. I.e. locked safe or whatever.

mmooney1983

I agree with the person above who said it is an Irish thing (i.e. not entirely sensical) but any suggestion whatsoever of 'give us cash' is so awful and cringy and presumptive that wrapping it up in a 'wishing well' thingamabob makes it ten times worse. I can only presume a naff poem would be involved also. I got two woeful invitations this year; one asked for money in a long-winded superficially sugary poem about 'having all the toasters we need' and you know what's coming at the end as you read it and cringe to the max. The other was similar but asking for honeymoon money and gave a BIC and IBAN which sort of ruined the rhyming couplet. Such a load of rubbish - 90% of people will give you cash anyway, who cares if the odd card goes missing, it's all a bonus and worrying about where the safest place to keep your money seems to me to be taking away from the excitement leading up to the day itself. The card box above seems just about acceptable because there is no classy way to say 'put your cash here please'.
I'm getting married in June by the way. My husband to be tentatively wondered aloud how much we might 'make' and I cut him off so quickly he hasn't mentioned it since.

Spanish Eyes

I just posted on another thread that money is an acceptable pressie.

Is that not true now?

I have always given a cheque and a card. B+G always delighted.

Do people still buy picture frames, canteens of cutlery and so on these days? I never knew that.

BTW I would NEVER put cash in a card for a wedding present. Think about it.

Malari

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I just posted on another thread that money is an acceptable pressie.

Is that not true now?

I have always given a cheque and a card. B+G always delighted.

Do people still buy picture frames, canteens of cutlery and so on these days? I never knew that.

Of course it's acceptable. It's just that the expectation, or just the twee manner in which you set up a box for stashing cash in envelopes is what people are questioning.

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

BTW I would NEVER put cash in a card for a wedding present. Think about it.

I'm thinking....:pac: Can you spell it out?

intheclouds

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

BTW I would NEVER put cash in a card for a wedding present. Think about it.

Im thinking. Cash in a card. Whats the problem?

Gatica

Miaireland wrote: »

. To be hinest my only issue with it would be someone picking it up and making off with it as it may not be possible to fix it ro anything.

My worry would also be how it might look if you fix it to something... Guests may be offended they're not trusted by the B&G if it's only the wedding crowd that's at the venue :rolleyes: even if it's merited for some guests. LOL

Gatica

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Tell him to wear a jacket with big pockets and no more than two pints all evening.

The fancy large cards they sell nowadays at Eason's and the like though, you'd want almost foot-wide pockets....:D

michellie

Don't like the idea at all.

It also makes it very easy for them to be robbed from staff or random hotel guests.

Spanish Eyes

intheclouds wrote: »

Im thinking. Cash in a card. Whats the problem?

Possibility/potential for it to be nicked or lost. Cheques and drafts are safer.

intheclouds

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Possibility/potential for it to be nicked or lost. Cheques and drafts are safer.

They could be lost or nicked just as easy!

Cheques are practically gone now anyway.

byhookorbycrook

Sorry but it's just awful. I went to 2 weddings where these were done and several "guests" did mention how there might as well be someone taking money for "tickets" at the door. Don't start me on the poems.



So on this special day of ours,
the day that we'll be wed.
Don't hunt for special gifts
but give money is it's stead.

And as you drop the envelope,
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.



Come to our wedding
to wish us both well,
And make some use
of our little wishing well.

Just put some money into a card,
Now make a wish....
See, that wasn't hard!

Now that we have saved you all of the fuss,
We hope that you will come
And celebrate with us!

One couple promptly pocketed their card with money and used a very small part of it to buy the couple a toaster after.

Gifts are meant to be just that, not expected and certainly not looked for.

intheclouds

Christ those poems are the height of tack.

Some people just have zero cop on.

pconn062

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Sorry but it's just awful. I went to 2 weddings where these were done and several "guests" did mention how there might as well be someone taking money for "tickets" at the door. Don't start me on the poems.



So on this special day of ours,
the day that we'll be wed.
Don't hunt for special gifts
but give money is it's stead.

And as you drop the envelope,
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.



Come to our wedding
to wish us both well,
And make some use
of our little wishing well.

Just put some money into a card,
Now make a wish....
See, that wasn't hard!

Now that we have saved you all of the fuss,
We hope that you will come
And celebrate with us!

One couple promptly pocketed their card with money and used a very small part of it to buy the couple a toaster after.

Gifts are meant to be just that, not expected and certainly not looked for.

Jeez, that is unreal. I can't get over that people actually think that is an ok thing to do.

Spanish Eyes

intheclouds wrote: »

They could be lost or nicked just as easy!

Cheques are practically gone now anyway.

Cheques are going out true. But cash is a vulnerable thing at a wedding where the BM might be stressed out minding all these cards, and the potential for shenanigans is mighty!

The future..... a card reader at reception, like a Polling Booth (very apt at the moment) for privacy. In you go, make your donation, sorry gift, enter your PIN and it is so safe, no worries about mad BM losing the cash somewhere.

Cards will die out soon too. It will be a commercial/facebook etc. transaction.

Ah I am being VERY tongue in cheek here of course. So please see the funny side.

Malari

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Sorry but it's just awful. I went to 2 weddings where these were done and several "guests" did mention how there might as well be someone taking money for "tickets" at the door. Don't start me on the poems.



So on this special day of ours,
the day that we'll be wed.
Don't hunt for special gifts
but give money is it's stead.

And as you drop the envelope,
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.



Come to our wedding
to wish us both well,
And make some use
of our little wishing well.

Just put some money into a card,
Now make a wish....
See, that wasn't hard!

Now that we have saved you all of the fuss,
We hope that you will come
And celebrate with us!

One couple promptly pocketed their card with money and used a very small part of it to buy the couple a toaster after.

Gifts are meant to be just that, not expected and certainly not looked for.

I'm not sure if the sentiment or the apostrophe bothers me more.

Gatica

Malari wrote: »

I'm not sure if the sentiment or the apostrophe bothers me more.

doesn't make sense anyway, "in its stead", surely?

yeah, that poem is cringy beyond belief. Making it easier for guests to give their gifts, I understand, mentioning you don't need gifts in an invitation too, but saying watch your money drop into our pockets as you make a wish for how your money will benefit us is just way too much....

sillysmiles

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

But cash is a vulnerable thing at a wedding where the BM might be stressed out minding all these cards,

It is one of the few jobs he has,and it is hardly a surprise that he is going to have to do this.

DavyD_83

I think guests like to think they are giving a gift to somebody, who will accept it on behalf of the Bride & Groom (if not able to give to them directly). This would be from a security perspective, but also makes it all seem a little more personal, and not just a 'drop your contribution here' type of thing. I think in recent weddings I've attended I've just ended up giving to groom or best man the morning after.

I'm sure there are ways of setting it up, and in terms of messaging etc which could be lovely and utterly inoffensive (eg the example on first page), but you'd be surprised what people can be offended by (particularly if they are trying for some obtuse reason).
We had so many arguments/discussions about how to run bar (honesty bar in the end), and who could be offended and how; never even thought about organising present collection, but sounds like another minefield I'm happy we managed to be blissfully ignorant of at the time.

To avoid people losing/mis-placing cards and presents, maybe just agree in advance where/how this should be managed (Best Man & Family seem to be most common receivers). If all on the same page, should manage to avoid any major issues.
After the event, it is almost impossible to tell if somebody didn't give you a gift/card, or it's been lost somehow; and you really can't ask

SarahMollie

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Sorry but it's just awful. I went to 2 weddings where these were done and several "guests" did mention how there might as well be someone taking money for "tickets" at the door. Don't start me on the poems.



So on this special day of ours,
the day that we'll be wed.
Don't hunt for special gifts
but give money is it's stead.

And as you drop the envelope,
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.



Come to our wedding
to wish us both well,
And make some use
of our little wishing well.

Just put some money into a card,
Now make a wish....
See, that wasn't hard!

Now that we have saved you all of the fuss,
We hope that you will come
And celebrate with us!

One couple promptly pocketed their card with money and used a very small part of it to buy the couple a toaster after.

Gifts are meant to be just that, not expected and certainly not looked for.

Now I've not been to too many weddings (although I've 5 to go to this summer!) but that strikes me as the height of tack.

Yes most couples realistically expect cash these days, and I'd say most people give it now without a second thought.

Besides if someone has gone out and already bought a physical present, by the time the see the wishing well complete with tacky money grabbing poem, they're hardly going to run out of the wedding, return the gift to the shop, and give the money in an envelope instead. You're just going to make that person feel bad.

Am I the only one who calls to the Bride & Groom's house to give them their wedding card a few weeks After the wedding?

ShaShaBear

Neither our best man nor chief bridesmaid drink, we have a safe in my sister's room - they are both working together to collect any cards (they are from each side of the family) and all will be put into the safe at occasional intervals that suit them.
I happen to love picture frames, we need new cutlery, our toaster is falling apart and with two poop monsters (aka children), new bedlinen is always sought after.
Personally I'd be equally ecstatic with a 4-slice retro toaster as I would be with the equivalent cash. We're paying for our wedding outright and the honeymoon too, so any cash gifts will likely be used to buy upgrades for our house

If I got an invitation telling me to give money and not gifts (no matter how grammatically-fancy it was worded), one would find the invite in the bin very quickly!

Wabbit Ears

Deleted User wrote: »

Am I the only one who calls to the Bride & Groom's house to give them their wedding card a few weeks After the wedding?

Why would you think that would be considered in anyway polite or appropriate?

baby and crumble

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Why would you think that would be considered in anyway polite or appropriate?

What makes you think it isn't? I think it's quite nice, actually. It's a bit more personal.

Toots

baby and crumble wrote: »

What makes you think it isn't? I think it's quite nice, actually. It's a bit more personal.

I agree, and it's also a lot more secure - you can be sure they'll actually get present. I'd usually give it before the wedding, if I see the B&G. I'd only bring it to the wedding if it was unavoidable.

Wabbit Ears

Before of just after but a few weeks after? I dunnno, Comes across to me as having forgot to get a present or an afterthought if someone drops in a present ages after an event. I really don't see anyone actually believing it was done with the intention of them being a unique flower who did something special and personal to hand deliver it a few weeks to late.

edit to add, I know that's not the way its intended, just the way it will be perceived.

bee06

Wedding etiquette is that a gift can be given up to a year after.

Weddings are expensive to attend so I would completely understand waiting a few weeks when the cash flow situation is a bit healthier.

rainbowtrout

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Before of just after but a few weeks after? I dunnno, Comes across to me as having forgot to get a present or an afterthought if someone drops in a present ages after an event. I really don't see anyone actually believing it was done with the intention of them being a unique flower who did something special and personal to hand deliver it a few weeks to late.

edit to add, I know that's not the way its intended, just the way it will be perceived.

I would have thought normal wedding etiquette suggests that giving a present up to 6 months after a wedding is normal.

I normally give cash and bring the card on the day or drop it to bride and groom a couple of days beforehand if it's convenient. In one particular case last year I couldn't go to a close friends wedding. They live at the other end of the country to me, and went on honeymoon for a few weeks afterwards, then I was on holidays etc. I didn't want to send a text saying 'hi can i have your bank details so I can give you your wedding present' It just seemed a bit blunt, so it was a few months before we actually got to meet up and I could give them their present. They weren't put out about it.

With the majority of guests giving cash, I can't see how it could be a 'forgot to get a present'. It's not like they forgot to go out and buy a toaster. I don't see how it would be an afterthought either if you are giving them the same present as you would have done if you had brought it on the day of the wedding.

It would be a little different if you called to them say a month after the wedding and handed over a box of chocolates and said that was their wedding present.