Best way to meet someone offline

LeeLooLee

Deleted User wrote: »

It's very difficult to meet someone. I've joined meetup groups in the past, I have a fairly good social life and go out with single friends for a few drinks at the weekend. I never ever get approached by a man. I had a POF and an okcupid account in the past. I've since deleted them and resigned myself to a life of spinsterdom. At almost 34 I'm practically over the hill anyway. As soon as my grey hairs reappear I might as well leave them be.

Same here. Everyone constantly asks me how/why I'm still single almost two years after my last relationship ended and I never know what to say. People seem to think I'm beating them off with a stick. I get almost no interest whatsoever from anyone who also interests me. There have been so many times I've thought I'd really hit it off with someone at a social event, then nada. I'm 30 and my friends and family seem to think I'm single by choice or am super picky. I am happy with my own company and have plenty to keep me busy, but I would like to meet someone!

stefanovich

LeeLooLee wrote: »

Same here. Everyone constantly asks me how/why I'm still single almost two years after my last relationship ended and I never know what to say. People seem to think I'm beating them off with a stick. I get almost no interest whatsoever from anyone who also interests me. There have been so many times I've thought I'd really hit it off with someone at a social event, then nada. I'm 30 and my friends and family seem to think I'm single by choice or am super picky. I am happy with my own company and have plenty to keep me busy, but I would like to meet someone!

I think Irish women in general have an attitude problem when it comes to men. It's like they are just hoping you'll dare to express interest so they can gleefully reject you.

stefanovich

stefanovich wrote: »

I think Irish women in general have an attitude problem when it comes to men. It's like they are just hoping you'll dare to express interest so they can gleefully reject you.

Yep this is what's happening for me anyway. My attitude stinks. Thank you for your wisdom.

mansize

Coppers???

W1zardst

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Yep this is what's happening for me anyway. My attitude stinks. Thank you for your wisdom.

Sarcasm level: Chandler Bing

LeeLooLee

LeeLooLee wrote: »

Same here. Everyone constantly asks me how/why I'm still single almost two years after my last relationship ended and I never know what to say. People seem to think I'm beating them off with a stick. I get almost no interest whatsoever from anyone who also interests me. There have been so many times I've thought I'd really hit it off with someone at a social event, then nada. I'm 30 and my friends and family seem to think I'm single by choice or am super picky. I am happy with my own company and have plenty to keep me busy, but I would like to meet someone!

There is an attitude I think that exists among some people when it comes to those who are single. We are either too fussy, doing something wrong, set in our single ways, not social enough, not approachable enough etc.

The truth of the matter is a hell of a lot of it is down to chance. If I stayed out that bit longer Saturday night would I have met someone? If I stayed chatting to the guy I accidentally rang yesterday in a case of mistaken identity would we have went on a date? If I allowed the kind stranger to drive behind me after having a tip in the car would we have fallen in love?

Of course we can put ourselves out there and join online dating sites and whatever else is going but again that's no guarantee that two people will connect and even if they do then they may not go the distance.

I read my first post in this thread and feel like I did myself a disservice with it. It reads like I was wondering if there is something wrong with me. There isn't. I'm a confident and intelligent woman. It just hasn't happened for me yet.

stefanovich

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm a confident and intelligent woman. It just hasn't happened for me yet.

I am trying really hard to not be offensive but when the attributes being pushed are confidence and intelligence it makes me wonder what is wrong.

stefanovich

stefanovich wrote: »

I am trying really hard to not be offensive but when the attributes being pushed are confidence and intelligence it makes me wonder what is wrong.

I could push other ones but it's not in my nature to be big headed and then there are some which aren't suitable to mention on a forum such as this.

You are free to wonder all you like

Maximus Alexander

stefanovich wrote: »

I am trying really hard to not be offensive but when the attributes being pushed are confidence and intelligence it makes me wonder what is wrong.

Why does something have to be wrong? The only thing wrong as far as I can tell is not having met the right person.

nokia69

Daisy78 wrote: »

Ha! That's exactly why most women won't!

I don't think many men make a 100% blind approach, I tend to have a fair idea that an advance might result in a positive response

So I think if a woman thinks someone might like them then they should sometimes make the first move, some men can be very shy

con___manx1

Daisy78 wrote: »

Ha! That's exactly why most women won't!

Most women in Ireland anyway.

LeeLooLee

stefanovich wrote: »

I am trying really hard to not be offensive but when the attributes being pushed are confidence and intelligence it makes me wonder what is wrong.

You seem like such a nice person. I wonder why so many Irish women want to have nothing to do with you...they must be just so picky or up themselves, like.

LeeLooLee

Deleted User wrote: »

There is an attitude I think that exists among some people when it comes to those who are single. We are either too fussy, doing something wrong, set in our single ways, not social enough, not approachable enough etc.

The truth of the matter is a hell of a lot of it is down to chance. If I stayed out that bit longer Saturday night would I have met someone? If I stayed chatting to the guy I accidentally rang yesterday in a case of mistaken identity would we have went on a date? If I allowed the kind stranger to drive behind me after having a tip in the car would we have fallen in love?

Of course we can put ourselves out there and join online dating sites and whatever else is going but again that's no guarantee that two people will connect and even if they do then they may not go the distance.

I read my first post in this thread and feel like I did myself a disservice with it. It reads like I was wondering if there is something wrong with me. There isn't. I'm a confident and intelligent woman. It just hasn't happened for me yet.

That's exactly it. And a lot of people just don't have the spare time to make funding a partner into a full time job, between work and family commitments and keeping up with friends. What I have seen is that a lot of the time the 'happy couple' thing is nothing more than a facade. Several couples I know have split up recently and you'd never have known they were so unhappy. One couple only got married about 14 months ago. So it's not as if everyone else is finding 'the one' either. I think a lot of people end up marrying the person they've been with for years because they feel trapped or like nothing better will come along, or panicking in their early thirties and marrying someone unsuitable.

MaryAntoinette

Funerals and christenings are good places also.

Shelga

I think the sports club and triathlon training idea is really good. It's a cliche for a reason. Get fit, healthy and achieve goals whilst meeting like-minded people. What's not to like?

I think it's important not to expect everything from one outlet or group. Don't join a language class and expect to make 4 new best friends and meet a boyfriend instantly. Don't go to a couple of park runs and expect to meet a soulmate. When I was down in the dumps and lonely a couple of years ago after breaking up with someone, I joined meetup, did a Spanish course, made more effort with people at work, visited friends in other cities more, took some good holidays, did more exercise. Still feel there was and is lots more I can do!

I'm 28 at the moment and just broke up with someone again over Christmas. First guy I had hit it off with online, together 6 months. Right now I'm feeling a bit fed up of it all. Even when you do all the 'right' things and are outgoing etc etc, it can be such bloody hard work. Usually when I'm feeling like this I try to ask myself, if I met a dream guy today, would life suddenly be 100% better? Most likely no, happiness is a complex beast and having a partner is just one aspect of that, unfortunately it's the one we seem to focus on the most

Feeling tired and a bit down this month like a lot of people probably! But yeah, doing things without expecting to meet someone seems to be key.

Hemerodrome

I was hoping this thread might have some useful ideas. After reading it I've developed a bit of a thing for Persepoly, so the only idea I'm taking from the thread is that I might spend this weekend shopping for a cushion for the Irish Setter I might own someday.

Shelga

Yeah what I'm trying to say is there's a difference between "I need a partner to be happy" and "I feel life is that bit more great when I am in a good healthy relationship, and long term it would be nice to meet someone". For most people it's not a case of single = lonely and unhappy and hating life, or in a relationship = life is amazing.

Shelga

Shelga wrote: »

For most people it's not a case of single = lonely and unhappy and hating life, or in a relationship = life is amazing.

And for many people it IS the case. And those people - whether you are one of them or not - should not let themselves be made feel bad of wrong by those for whom it is not the case.

We all need different things to be happy. And unless you are breaking some law or engaging in some weird immorality - never let anyone disparage the things you need - just because they are things THEY do not need. Some people are all too keen and happy to go around judging and disparaging the path to happiness of others - as if they somehow posses the secret objective secret to happiness in life.

Shelga

Very true. Each to their own. I think many people struggle to understand that not everyone is built like they are.

But if someone absolutely despises everything in their life and thinks meeting a partner will fix all of that, that's probably not the case. It's a balance!

JustAThought

Hmmm - tricky prob. Some suggestions:

Meetup - choose gigs & pubs first!
Volunteer at Vantastic
Tagrugby

If you're female NOTnight or language classes or theatre - always stuffed to the gills with women .


There ya go! Don't bother in January - everyone is too busy watching their resolutions or counting their overdrafts to have fun!!

PaddyWilliams

Meet me in Swords Saturday night and I'll tell you

c_man

I think one of the biggest barriers at the moment to getting talking to a guy/girl offline nowadays randomly is earphones! I like music too but I think we're closing ourselves into our little bubbles a bit too much.

121 Gigawatts!?

stefanovich wrote: »

It's difficult to have a conversation in a mosh pit.

Em....yeah id say so??

Unless you were elbowed in the face and some big strapping beardy rocker fella came to your rescue.

A girl can dream

suicide_circus

Remember to always sleep with the guy on the first date. If you don't, he'll lose interest and you'll end up dying alone.

syklops

c_man wrote: »

I think one of the biggest barriers at the moment to getting talking to a guy/girl offline nowadays randomly is earphones! I like music too but I think we're closing ourselves into our little bubbles a bit too much.

Absolutely!

Man: Hi!
Girl with Earphones, takes one earphone out: What?
Man: I just said Hi
Girl: Ok.....
Girl puts earphone back in ear.



Later...




Girl: I just dont understand why I cant find any nice guys...

^ I would so send such people to "Silent Disco" Where you are positively encouraged to communicate in exactly the way you describe

To make it less sex specific and more general though - I often do feel we are becoming more and more insular as a society and directly proportional to that we see an increase in people simply unsure how to meet someone or find or form relationships.

For many - the trick to finding a relationship is to stop trying - and instead simply break out of these individual little bubbles we too readily form for ourselves these days.

MagicIRL

Deleted User wrote: »

For many - the trick to finding a relationship is to stop trying - and instead simply break out of these individual little bubbles we too readily form for ourselves these days.

This is the key I think. Do things you wouldn't normally say yes to. Once you get out of your comfort zone you'll meet different people. Worked for me. :cool:

MagicIRL

MagicIRL wrote: »

This is the key I think. Do things you wouldn't normally say yes to. Once you get out of your comfort zone you'll meet different people. Worked for me. :cool:

Me too. I was always a shy type. I broke out of my comfort zone by organising pre-gig meet ups before shows I liked.

I would go on to forums for things like The Frames and just declare a time and venue before the show. And I would try and think of a comical way to be visible IN that pub (best way was I used to get a card board life size cut out of some of the very regular fans who could not make it that day) which was a great ice breaker.

Was great for me. I went from shy and introvert to being the focus of attention and the focal point for multiple social circles. I met loads of people - some of whom are still in my inner closest circle of friends. And the girls I am with now in my relationship I met them from there too.

And sometimes it is hard to imagine how people ever meet each other. They get out of their single bed - in their single person apartment - drive to work in their little bubble environment that is their car - work alone at a desk - do it all in reverse. The more we live our lives moving from bubble to bubble the more we see people lamenting not being able to meet people - or form relationships.

MagicIRL

Deleted User wrote: »

Me too. I was always a shy type. I broke out of my comfort zone by organising pre-gig meet ups before shows I liked...

Mine wasn't this extreme but rather I started a new job and just decided I would say yes to every 'event' that came up, regardless how I felt. Simple choices really, without the need to take some huge leap.

I am a man of extremes I guess